Funny: Psych

  • The Jackal has arrived. But you might not see him standing there, being so stealth-like.
  • From "Weekend Warrior", a secretary informs Gus there's a 'Lt. Crunch' there to see him.
    Shawn: Actually no, I've been promoted... It's Captain Crunch.
    • The only thing that makes this better is him walking in dressed in a Civil War military uniform, and then later dressing Gus up to look like he was commanding a marching band.
  • Two in "Rob-a-bye Baby": when Shawn and Gus are mistaken for creeps in the park and Shawn's marriage proposal.
  • Several of Nigel St. Nigel's comments from "American Duos".
    • And the comments on Shawn and Gus's audition.
  • This exchange from "Lassie Did a Bad Bad Thing" had this troper rolling for the tone alone:
    Shawn: You really want to know my method?
    Lassiter: Yes!
    Shawn: It usually starts with a Holla!, and ends with a creamsicle.
    Gus: And if there's time in the middle? ThunderCats. Hooo!
  • "I beg your pardon? My name is Black. His name is Tan. I can't believe you just made that assumption. You should be ashamed of yourself and your family."
  • From "Gus Walks Into A Bank": The hostage negotiator is rambling on and on about his family and making really ineffectual promises. The hostage taker obviously gets the insincerity behind it and rolls his eyes. It's funnier than it sounds!
  • This hilarious exchange between Corbin Bernsen and Nigel St. Nigel-
    Corbin: What kind of a sicko goes commando under another man's robe?
    Nigel: (Grins)
  • Also, the time Shawn was trying to alert the police to a chop shop by faking a vision and describing it like a scene from a horror movie.
    Shawn: Victims! I see victims everywhere! It's HORRIBLE! Sawed-off parts strewn about! Fluids spraying in every direction!
    Vick: Oh, dear God!
    O'Hara: Are we talking about a serial killer?
    Shawn: I see the victims' names! Accord! Look out!
    Gus: Get outta there!
    Shawn: Escalade! Don't let him in the door! Oh, Camry, you were too young to go...
    O'Hara: Are we talking about cars?
  • Shawn sending Gus (note: black guy) into a tanning salon as part of an investigation, and Gus actually attempting to make that fly.
  • Gus' list of rules for going into a supposedly haunted, abandoned mental hospital. These rules include refusing to be the first person to enter a room or the last person to leave a room (which, considering it's just him and Shawn, is a logical impossibility.)
    • Also from that episode, Shawn and Gus running and screaming like little girls from the (alleged) haunted sorority house. When Juliet comes out after them, Shawn tries to act all cool and collected and says he and Gus are going to compare notes-till Gus blows his cover by speeding away in the car.
    • Even better is that when Gus gets his foot stuck between floorboards and Shawn ditches him, he takes off his belt and starts swinging it around in a circle, in some sort of attempt to be genre-savvy.
  • Whenever someone mistakes Gus for Bud from The Cosby Show.
  • Gus trying to distract a woman by saying he lost his cat ("Mrs. Pickles!") while Shawn snoops around in her house-pausing to eat some cupcakes along the way.
  • Shawn giving words to the contestants of the "Spellinng Bee".
    Shawn: Banana.
    Contestant: [in disbelief] Could you repeat that?
    Shawn: Yes. Banaannaaaaa.
  • Shawn convinces Gus to dodge security lasers in "Extradition: British Columbia":
    Shawn: Those are Canadian lasers!
  • In the small town of Dual Spires, none of the townspeople understand Shawn's pop culture references. Eventually, out of annoyance, he asks what shows they have watched. Their suspect revealed the town gets together every Tuesday to watch reruns of Everwood, which Shawn replies he could work with that. He does manage do and is even acknowledged by the suspect for it.
    • The whole episode is CMOF, even for those who have never seen Twin Peaks.
    "I loved Paula!" (lies down and caresses her earring while staring at it intensely)
    • Most of Shawn and Gus' dialogue, too, since they clearly only rolled into town to enjoy the cinnamon festival (they take their cinnamon very seriously) and just end up sucked into a veritable vortex of weirdness.
    Randy: Who are you?
    Shawn: A couple of guys with a passion for the truth.
    Gus: And cinnamon.
    • And...
    Shawn: We came to investigate, catch bad guys and eat pie.
    Gus: Not necessarily in that order.
    Shawn: And it hasn't been.
    Gus: No.
    Shawn: We started with the pie.
    Gus: Always.
    • And of course:
    Gus: "Worst cinnamon festival ever!"

  • In "Ferry Tale", when Shawn and Gus come upon the tied-up guard, Shawn announces, with portentous gravitas, "This is a prison break!", you can distinctly see the (still tied) guard make a "well duh!" expression.
  • After the emotionally draining events of the Season 5 Finale, Lassiter remarks about how it would take more than that to effect him. However, as he's walking down the stairs alone after this declaration, he pauses and the audience is expecting him to show some kind of reaction to all the things that has happened thus far, but he just shakes his head a little and then goes on his way. The scene then changes to Shawn and Juliet having a touching moment alone in an unused interrogation room, ending with Shawn kissing Juliet's hand... and then the camera pans out and we see that Lassiter was watching from the other side of the mirror, completely shocked, and wanders away in a daze while scratching his head with what appears to be an empty coffee mug.
  • In one episode, Shawn asks Henry for advice on what to do if his partner (Gus) is wrong, and he (Shawn) knows it. Henry tells Shawn to tell Gus that he's wrong, but to do so in the most respectful manner possible. Cut to much later, when Shawn confronts Gus:
    Shawn: You were wrong, wrong wrong wrong! Finger guns! *points at Gus* Wrong! *makes bang sound* Wrong! *bang sound* In your weenie! *bang sound*
    Gus: Shawn, put down the finger guns.
  • Two moments are particularly beloved by this troper. First Season 2's 'Black and Tan' and the hilarious model powerwalk down the alley. And in Season 5's 'One, maybe two ways out', where after tracking down the elusive former spy Strobinski for the second time, they have the following conversation.
    Strobinski: ...could you take your shoes off? New place, [fancy name] carpets, they say its stain resistant but I don't trust them, I don't trust them at all... (Shawn and Gus begin to take off shoes), now while you're at it, in the next ten seconds why don't you tell me why you're here or else I'm gonna set you both on fire without even striking a match.
    Shawn: Whoa, easy buddy...
    Strobinski: Hey, I just moved in here. Come on! They've got a laundry, they've got an awesome pool! Well, it's not awesome, it's circular, you can't even swim laps in it, but it's a pool. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a body decoy that works? This one's too fat, this one's too skinny. This guy's just right, but he's an eskimo.
    • All of the unnecessary powerwalks - with pumping music! - as Shawn solved the murder on stage.
  • In Disco Didn't Die, It Was Murdered, the B-plot involves Jules and Lassiter trying to decide which of them gets to take the super-exciting diamond smuggling case and which takes a seemingly boring permit violations case. Eventually they decide to con McNab into taking the "lead" in the permits case while they go off and catch the smugglers... and get hit with Laser-Guided Karma hard. First they end up accidentally tracking down the wrong smugglers and get themselves attacked by dozens of angry illegally transported wild marmosets (turns out they don't like being shot at), while McNab's "boring" case turns out to involve real-life pirates. So naturally, they con McNab into giving them back the now-interesting case - only to catch up with the criminals only a mile outside their jurisdiction, and end up forced by the coastguard to stay in the smallest, most nauseatingly turbulent room in their boat. The fact that McNab is his usual lovably dimwitted self and has no idea that the two tricked him and how karma keeps giving him his unwitting just deserts makes it all the funnier.
  • In Romeo and Romeo and Juliet, where Gus steps up big time when Shawn tries to talk his way into a children's martial art class, the words coming, in his own words, faster than he could think of them.
    Gus:Discrimination. And ageism...I'm his lawyer.
    Owner:You brought a lawyer?
    Shawn:I keep a lawyer on retainer at all times; there is so much injustice in the world you can't afford to leave the house without one.
    Owner:Ok, well I will see you in court then.
    Gus: Perfect. I'll need a statement from you, and since I intend to try this in both civil and criminal court, I'll need the police here as well. May I use your phone? Or do you only let the white people use that?
    Owner: Who said anything about white people?...The words 'white people' did not come out of my mouth.
    Gus: There they are again. Luckily I had my hand recorder on for that one. By the way, I am now disclosing this conversation is being recorded...Crazy? I sued 300 businesses last year alone. I sued a hot dog cart and got everything but the wheels and the buns, which I won in the civil case two months later...Now, before I start snapping evidence photos, I'm a little parched, can you tell me which one of these fountains I'm allowed to use?
    Owner: That one (indicating adult fountain, then backtracks)
  • At the very end of Extradition: British Columbia, when Despereaux tells Shawn that he's often fantasized about breaking out of prison. Look at the guy's face.
    • Despereaux's great for hilariously casual moments in general. In Extradition II, he sneaks out of prison in the back of Shawn and Gus' car. When Gus objects, he nonchalantly mentions that that being the case he'd regrettably have to try out his new shiv on them - but assures Gus he would only cut him in a non-fatal, mostly painless way that would heal in weeks. The cheerfully friendly/smarmy way he says it is what sells it, and even Shawn gets into the act:
    "Given the circumstances, that is pretty fair."
  • Shawn sitting on Lassiter's lap in 9 Lives.
  • From Who Ya Gonna Call: Lassiter calmly (but quite happily) shooting the cute little figurines meant for his wife, set to On the Beautiful Blue Danube.
  • "You Can't Handle This Episode".
    Shawn: Major-General.
    Felts: Yes?
    Shawn: Oh, no, I don't need anything. I just like to say "Major General". [To Gus] Try it.
    Gus: No, Shawn.
    Shawn: Gus, just try it.
    Gus: No!
    Shawn: Dude, just try it.
    Gus: Major General! [smiles]
  • Shawn copying an imprisoned crime lord's (played by Arnold Vosloo) accent.
    • He was just trying to speak the man's language...
    • Gus's reaction when he is introduced with his real name.
  • This exchange when the "possessed" girl says she doesn't need any help.
    Father Wesley: She's lying. To get us to leave.
    Shawn: Well, if I woke up and there were two random dudes and a priest standing over me, I'd lie too.
    • From the same episode, Shawn's jingles.
    Shawn: Bum bum bum... Muffins/Wafers/Hooo-oooly Ghoooost.
  • Shawn singing "If Jesus was our manager, He would bring us all together."
  • Shawn as the Vampire Lestat and Gus as Count Chocula... er, Blacula.
    Juliet: ...Great. Now we have to carry both of them out of here.
  • In one episode, Shawn is trying to find camera blindspots, while Gus checks the camera. Gus's entire running conversation is hilarious, particularly when Shawn mutes him to hit on the assistant curator.
    Gus: You're muting me for the first interesting thing that's happened? [Begins imitating Shawn] Look at me, look at me! I love my hair! I can make obscure 80s references that nobody understands! Hey, know something about me? I have a motorcycle but I never seem to be riding it!
  • One time, Shawn was mocking girl's Facebook profiles saying they always pictures of themselves and a friend cheek to cheek. Gus tells him they have a picture like that on Shawn's desk.
  • Most of the "Psych-outs". Timothy Omundson (Lassiter) likes having fun with these, by engaging in rampant Out Of Character Moments, such as "I overshot my maaark!", and imitating Michael Caine.
  • Lassiter spends most of the episode pointing out how working with Henry is exactly like working with Shawn, and we get this exchange in the climax of "Shawn Takes a Shot in the Dark".
    (Henry grabs Lassiter's gun, and Shawn is hanging onto the hood of the car)
    Shawn: ARE NOT!
  • The Christmas Episode:
    Lassiter: OK, who keeps telling people I want snow globes for Christmas?!
  • from Shawn (and Gus) of the Dead
    Shawn: Dude, he took that van!
    Film Girl: The mummy?
    Gus: Great, now we got a mummy on the loose and the son of a bitch knows how to drive stick?
  • A small exchange between Shawn, Gus, and two counterparts of themselves as older people.
    Everybody: She's lying.
    Shawn: How'd you know she was lying?
    Older duo: She's a woman!
  • "You kiss her, you die."
  • Lassiter's tap dancing.
  • From "Indiana Shawn":
    Shawn: I think what this woman is trying to say here, Gus, is that you can suck it.
    Woman: No, no, I’m not saying that.
    Shawn: I’m paraphrasing.
    Gus: Do you even know what “paraphrase” means?
    Shawn: It means “suck it please, Gus.”
    Gus: It doesn’t mean “suck it please, Gus.”

    • Shawn's response to seeing two thugs harassing a woman in an alleyway?

    • From the same episode we get this:
    Gus: You go on trip with the intention of proposing and don't tell me, your oldest and blackest friend?
    • And a nice Call Back to "Polarizing Express":
    Shawn: What are you, my boss?
    Gus: I'm your conscience.
    Gus What?
  • Jules when Lassie's sister is filming an investigation:
    Jules: Wow, I guess we know what the polar bear would do for a Klondike bar!...(beat)...I thought my character would have a joke...
  • Marlowe decides to help Lassiter out on a case. She does so by punching him and getting dragged away screaming. And naturally, Lassiter is so proud of his girl and more in love with her than ever. That scene probably belongs under Crowning Moment of Heartwarming and Crowning Moment of Awesome, too.
  • In The Shining parody episode, HEEEEEE'S LASSIE!, Lassiter chases Gus around with a Saber and tries to do the famous door hacking scene but it barely makes a hole.
    Lassiter: You know, this might take a while so why don't you just open the door?
    • There's also the hilarity that Henry - the very reasonable, "everything has a logical explanation that you're just not seeing yet" Henry - being totally on board with the "Lassie's apartment is haunted" theory.
  • In the Season 3 episode "Six Feet Under the Sea", a local aquatic celebrity is murdered. When Shawn and Gus are in the police station after being detained for breaking into the aquarium to look for evidence, Lassie grills them for info— not realizing that the murder victim was a sea lion, not a human.
    Lassie: I'm going to kill you, Spencer.
    Shawn: I never told you the victim was not a sea lion.
  • While the episode "Mr. Yin Presents" is mostly an atypically grim episode, there is Shawn's hilariously surreal dream sequence involving Henry as an usher, Juliet as Marion Crane, and Lassiter as Mrs. Bates.
  • In one episode, Shawn, Gus, and their older counterparts are arguing about how to get into a guarded room. Shawn and the two older guys start coming up with increasingly absurd plans. Gus cuts in with "Why don't we just go outside and look for an open window?". Gilligan Cut to them doing exactly that.
  • When trying to get at the body guard of Julian Drake, author of the book Feed Everyone.
    Drake: You want this signed?
    Shawn: Yes, please.
    Drake: This isn't my book.
    Shawn: Oh really? My mistake.
    Drake: This is Everyone Poops.
  • "Lassie Jerky" is presented as Found Footage, and every shot is depicted as coming from an in-universe camera. Near the end, Shawn has one of his memory flashbacks to a tattoo on one of the bodies Gus found earlier. At the end of the episode, when it's revealed that Shawn edited together everyone's footage to make the episode, Woody compliments him for editing in part of Gus's footage from earlier for dramatic effect.
    • From the same episode: Lassie stepping on a beartrap and everything that follows.
    Lassiter: "I will not be toyed with!" *clank*
  • "No Country For Old Men" is particularly funny when you consider that James Roday is part Hispanic.
  • In "Juliet Wears the Pantsuit," she mocks a shirt Shawn gave her that has the word "Fashion" in bold letters on the front. Later, she has all her clothes stolen...except that shirt. Finally, when the outfit she was wearing is ruined, she is forced to wear that shirt to work the next day. Everyone's reactions really sell the entire thing.
  • From "Shawn Rescues Darth Vader":
    Gus: "That woman wears loyalty like a micro miniskirt."
    Shawn: "What?"
    "Does Russell Brand count?"
    "Now get the hell out of my car!"
  • "Last Night Gus":
  • When Shawn is in the hospital after being poisoned, no one seems to care, and make fun of him because he was "barely poisoned". Also, his dad rips out his IV.
  • Shawn getting mistaken for gay after unwittingly using double entendres and being very touchy-feely when speaking with a male cop, making him think he was being hit on.
    • In the same episode, Shawn offends the officer when he mistakes the tattoo the guy has on his arm as a picture of a Bullmastiff. It's actually a picture of the guy's grandmother.
  • Shawn stealing a guys pants for a urine sample.
  • Gus' lame pickup line: "You hear what happened to Pluto? That's messed up." It's referenced by Shawn a few seasons later.
    • Used again by Gus in "Psych the Musical"
  • Office Space:
    • Gus's "tampering" with the crime scene. Epic Fail doesn't begin to describe it.
      • Shawn helped...
    • "Oh, my God... are you carrying Spencer's unborn demon-seed?"
    • This exchange:
    Jules: "Tell me this hasn't gotten any further out of control."
    Shawn: "Of course not!"
    Jules: "Are you being honest?"
    Shawn: (looks over to where Woody the Coroner is tied up on their couch) "...No."
    • Woody telling Shawn that he can't keep his secret:
    Woody: "I can't be trusted! I'll tell anyone! I've already got my phone out!"
    Shawn: "Woody, you're calling ME!"
    Woody: "Don't answer it!"
    • When Jules discovers Woody tied up on Shawn's couch she angrily declares that this has gone far enough and she's setting him free. She pulls out his gag and rips the tape off:
    Woody: "I will sing like a canary to anyone who will listen."
    Jules: *slaps the tape back on*
  • In "Neil Simon's Lover's Retreat" when Juliet tells Shawn to stop acting like a child: "I'm not acting!"
  • "True Grits" When Shawn declines to take on a case, saying that he and Gus are very busy, Reveal Shot shows they had just been playing Hungry, Hungry Hippos.
    • Lassiter's personal list of enemies besides convicted criminals: "Internal Affairs, UNICEF, and Lance Bass. Don't ask."
    • When Juliet tells Shawn and Gus she was the one who put Thane behind bars, it gets really awkward, and Gus runs away and drives off quickly in his car.
  • "This is a taco-burrito conversation, nachos."
  • Little. Boy. Cat. From Shawn's apparent Cuteness Proximity with him, to Gus's jealously over being replaced by a cat, to Shawn using the cat as lead in to present him and Gus as a gay couple, to Shawn using the cat as a "physic medium" to the bad guy being tackled by a freakin' cat. And then the call backs in later seasons, particularly the fact that it was not a little boy cat.
  • From 2x11, There's Something About Mira, Shawn and Gus are at the batting cages. Shawn tells Gus that this guy has been following them around all day, and they decide to get his attention. Shawn picks up a ball, moves to the entrance of the batting cage, and throws it at the man; it hits the pole behind the guy and bounces off into the distance while the stranger remains oblivious. Gus scoffs and pushes Shawn aside:
    Gus: Let me show you how it's done. Watch out. (He hurls the ball as hard as he can... only for it to hit the fence over the opening, ricochet over their heads, and roll into the depths of the batting cage.)
    Shawn: That very well may be the most humiliating moment of your life.
  • Shawn names alt!Lassiter's dog "Lassiter Jr, Lassie for short."
  • In one episode, Shawn theorizes that the killer is going after a-holes, he then suddenly says someone is in very grave danger. He pulls out his cell-phone and calls his dad to "warn" him.
  • Lassiter's wedding. Oh my god. First, it turns out that the accountant he's been chasing is a licensed justice of the peace ("Fortuitous."), then the wedding gets crashed by gun-toting mobsters. Not only does the groom pull a gun from an ankle holster, but so does one of the bridesmaids (Juliet), and the wedding band (cops, all of them). Then the mob boss decides to run, and gets run down by McNabb... not wearing any pants (he's moonlighting as a stripper).
    Shawn: ... that's happening.
  • "Turn Right of Left For Dead:" After Jules finds out Shawn's secret and dumps him, Shawn grows so depressed that he somehow ends up in a Swedish murder mystery, chasing a girl with serious daddy issues...
  • "1967: A Psych Odyssey": After Lassiter gets promoted to Chief, Juliet badgers him into sitting down at his desk and pretending to answer the phone as "Chief Lassiter". And when he finally does it, she squeals.
    • From the beginning of the episode, when Shawn, Gus, Lassiter, and Juliet are talking about why they're there.
    Lassiter: God. Please let it not be Trout. Amen.
    Everyone else: Amen.
  • "Shawn and Gus Truck Things Up": Shawn and Gus reminisce about eating tacos from their favorite taco stand. This scene shows them eating the tacos while frolicking through a field of flowers, riding a bike, and getting massages.
    • Lassiter has declared war on food trucks. "Food trucks are unsanitary, unnecessary, and borderline anarchist. They're like Caligula, with a little less fornication."
    • Shawn and Gus trying to give Lassiter and Marlowe advice on babies they learned from various movies.
    • Gus trying to park where the other food trucks are and accidentally running over Mauricio's shrine. And failing when trying to rush to the hospital in the truck.
    • Gus still hasn't forgiven Shawn for sleeping with Joy.
    Gus: "The house that my mother and father were arrested in? The house where my father was hiding in the basement while my mother was out betting on horses? The house where you slept with my sister?"
    Shawn: "That did not happen in the house."
    Gus: "You slept with my sister, Shawn."
    Shawn: "We didn't really sleep, Gus. Why do you do this to yourself? Why do you always bring this up when you know it upsets you? I can't change the past, and I wouldn't, because it was great. You should be proud of her!"
    • Lassiter is very bad at taking care of his practice baby.
    • Gus getting mad when he realizes Shawn stole a bunch of his toys when they were children. And later taking his toy back from the baby.
    • "Hey, Vito ... Kill anybody lately?"
    • Shawn and Gus' food truck makes no money because they keep eating their own food and food they make is very unusual.
    • The labor/birth scene
    • Shawn complains about not being allowed to jump on the bed or climb out of the window, and Henry tells him to just let it go. As soon as he leaves the room, Shawn jumps on the bed, and ends up and damaging the wall, escaping by climbing out of the window.
  • In "A Touch of Sweevil", Lassie actually encourages Shawn and Gus to take their psychic act Up to Eleven (then fiftteen) in hopes that the two of them will scare off the seemingly wholesome new Head Detective that the Mayor is forcing him to hire. His utter glee at the ensuing insanity is hilarious to watch. His strategy backfires - the new Head Detective turns out to be even wackier than Shawn, and his tolerance for Shawn's antics just convinces her that she's in the right place.
    • Or the fact she is more or less a female Lassie. Lassie's face just lights up as he realizes this, while Gus and Shawn are just disturbed to have to deal with 2 Lassies now
  • The last scene in which Shawn's proposal is interrupted by him talking to Gus and, at the very end, someone steals the ring and runs off with it.
    • Gus quits his job to be with Shawn in San Fran we see a montage of him going back and forth, each more embarrassing than the last, in the end he admits he did this 12 times
  • Juliet congratulating Lassiter on his wife's pregnancy in "S.I.E.Z.E. the Day." She jumps up and down and squeals a little while hugging him with one arm... because her free arm is training her gun on a suspect, as is Lassiter's. They share a happy moment, then simultaneously snap back into serious mode and focus all their attention on the suspect.
  • A few in "Shawn Interrupted."
    • Shawn, that's not the right plant. No, that's not it either. It's the one on the table, Shawn.
    • Ask my partner Gus! He's here too, dressed as an orderly named Suggs! He drives a blueberry! (Done while trying to convince orderlies he wasn't crazy. It didn't help.)
    • Fear of loud noises, fear of crowds, fear of saxophones.
    • "Three Raspberry Razzmatazzes, and can you throw in a Sanity Boost for my friend over there?"
    • This exchange early in the episode:
    Shawn: All I have to do is get Bethel in front of those cameras when he exposes himself.
    Gus: Right idea. Wrong choice of words.
    • The very end, when Lassiter and Juliet break in on a very strange scene. Gus is dancing to saxophone music, Bethel is rocking back and forth yelling to make it stop, his brother is trying to restrain him and fight Shawn at the same time. The look on Lassie's face says it all.
  • In 3x14 True Lies, Shawn pretends to be Juliet telling him that she wishes Gus was dead so that she could be his partner in the Psych detective business. For some reason Gus believes him ("That's messed up") despite knowing how much of a The Gadfly Shawn is. Juliet's own appalled expression clinches it.