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"I'll get to this woman's bottom! Wait... I mean... you know what I mean."
April May repeatedly insults Phoenix's spiky hair. Eventually, we get this:
Phoenix: (That does it. When this trial's over, I'm shaving my head.)
The Bellboy is hilarious.
Phoenix: "Are you sure you brought her that iced tea at exactly 9:00!?"
Bellboy: "Ab-SO-lutely, sir."
Bellboy: "Yes, sir. As in 'so very absolutely', sir. It's an endearing mannerism of mine."
Phoenix thinking Grossberg and White were lovers.
There are two options in which you can present that theory. Only one of them advances the plot. The other nets you this gem:
Phoenix: (I guess I was wrong... but it felt so right!)
Mia possesses her sister just when everything looks hopeless, and Phoenix faints. Then he wakes up in the lobby, thinking he was just hallucinating in the shock of his defeat, and then Mia appears again, and he faints AGAIN.
Phoenix, Edgeworth, and even the Judge struggling with Ms. Oldbag's name. Especially since unlike everyone else in the game, she's identified as "Oldbag" even before Phoenix learns her name.
(No, this isn't a bad dream, Your Honor. Witness the power of the Oldbag...)
"Objection! I...object to the witness's talkativeness!" "Objection sustained. The witness shall refrain from rambling on the stand."
Phoenix and Maya are approaching the studios, which have been left unguarded because Oldbag is in custody.
There's a moment after the second day trial at the studio gates. Phoenix and Maya stumble across Oldbag. She's only saying "..." in response to what Phoenix and Maya are saying. Eventually, Maya says that since Oldbag isn't responding, they can eat the donuts. Oldbag finally speaks.
Oldbag: You eat, you die.
The judge points out that Cody Hackins has a camera, which is prohibited in a courtroom.
Edgeworth: M-my apologies, Your Honor. He said he wouldn't testify if he couldn't bring it. I'd like special permission, if that's possible.
Phoenix: Wait, so you're saying that you had to bargain terms with a kid... and you LOST?
Sal Manella and his Leet Lingo, complete with ":(". That's pretty much it. And the few times Maya doesn't understand him, too.
Sal Manella: "I, er, wolfed [the t-bone steak] down then."
Phoenix: (A mental image I will carry with me to my grave...)
These answer choices:
Phoenix: "Ms. Vasquez, how can a person eat a t-bone steak and not leave a bone behind? I think I know how!"
Choice 1: "You ate the bone, too!"
Choice 2: "You ate a boneless steak!"
If you pick Choice 1...
Maya: [looking at you funny] "Um, Nick...are you sure? I mean, I love steak, but even I don't eat the bone!" Phoenix: "Hey, I don't eat it either!" Judge: "Mr. Wright! I, too, leave the bone."
"Objection! ... I was hoping to come up with a question while I was objecting, Your Honor... I didn't."
And then he comes up with another. "Indeed! Verily, I say!... Ergo!"
Also, based on dialogue options, Phoenix right before then: "I was hoping to come up with a question by slamming on my desk, Your Honor... I didn't."
Judge: You have my sympathies.
Phoenix being told by Dee Vasquez that he won the case.
The fact that Manfred von Karma, with his very deep, very gravelly, rather demonic voice says things like "shut your pie hole!" in total seriousness.
Also, the whole beginning scene, starting with when Phoenix tells Maya to take "a cold shower".
Early on, von Karma keeps interrupting Phoenix's questions and he makes a short mental note:
Phoenix's Internal Monologue: Von Karma, I think I hate you.
The scenes you get if you choose anything besides the metal detector when you go hunting for Gourdy. With Missile, if you head over to Larry's spot, he'll promptly eat all of the Samurai dogs and Nick'll have to foot the bill. Or if you choose the fishing pole and head to Lotta's, Maya will then attempt to fish in the lake, but then sets off Lotta's cameras. And again Phoenix is sent a large bill.
And if you visit Lotta during that period without the Fishing Rod, Maya sneezes and sets off the camera again.
Honestly, the metal detector is the gift that keeps on giving. Since it's always the last 'secret weapon' you'll use, it stays curiously in your inventory. Even after a 'clearing out'. And then, bit by bit, you realise why you have it. That's when the laughter starts.
When the metal detector finds the air tank, you take it to Larry Butz. You can then say that it's his. Just the fact that the Objection music plays here as opposed to inside the courtroom is funny enough.
On the second day of trial, Von Karma predicts that the trial will end in less than three minutes. It doesn't. His reaction is hilarious:
Von Karma: "AAARGH! Three minutes have passed!"
Phoenix and Maya attempting to talk to the caretaker of the boat rental shop. He's absolutely convinced that they're his kids Meg and Keith and he runs a pasta shop called the Wet Noodle. He's also prone to falling asleep standing up, complete with Snot Bubble. Basically, every bit of dialogue in that scene is hilarious. Until the parrot mentions DL-6, that is...
When Phoenix Wright cross-examines the Old Caretaker's parrot Polly, he concludes that the Old Caretaker named his parrot after his deceased fiancee. However, Manfred von Karma objects to this idea with a rather hilarious comeback.
Manfred von Karma: "Bah! A mere coincidence, that's all! My granddaughter has a dog she calls "Phoenix". (Snaps fingers) Well, Mr. Phoenix Wright? Does this make you my granddaughter's fiancee!? She's only seven years old!!!"
Manfred von Karma: "I set my ATM card's number as 0001, because I'm number one!"
The fact that they are cross-examining a parrot itself. Everyone is aware of how ridiculous the situation is, but Phoenix still goes through with it because it's the only option left. And then, he has to get Maya to help out because she's the only one who can get the parrot to talk.
"Whoooooooop! ...I feel foolish."
And from the epilogue:
Gumshoe: "Mr. Edgeworth came in to wish me a happy New Year's the other day! Talk about a pleasant surprise, pal! He said..."
Gumshoe: "...then he hung his head low and walked out the door. Kinda strange if you ask me..."
As an attempt to move the body was foiled, the body was left partially in the trunk of a car, which white tape was set to reflect. Ema comes to the conclusion that the victim died exactly in that spot, by having the trunk slammed on him.
Discovering that Wendy Oldbag has sent Edgeworth a huge bouquet, which he still has on his desk.
Phoenix and Ema are sent to investigate a certain prosecution office. While there, Ema notes that based on her deductions, the person who owns the office is "a real stuck-up jerk". Cue the reveal that it's Edgeworth's office... and he heard everything. Poor Ema, who looks up to Edgeworth, completely flips out and starts trying to backpedal, while he teases her by asking "What is it you've come here for? Though be warned, I have been known to be a... real stuck-up jerk." And after you start discussing details of the crime with him, Ema will mention how the body was found in some hideous, gaudy red sports car. Edgeworth's response is pretty much "I know. It's my car." And Ema freaks out and starts backpedaling some more.
Edgeworth getting pissed when Phoenix teases him over the King of Prosecutors award. "You can take that foolish grin of yours elsewhere!"
Later in Edgeworth's Office, he tells you a story about the origin of the Chinese word for "contradiction". Upon realising a contradiction in the story, Phoenix yells "OBJECTION!" and Pursuit ~ Cornered actually starts up.
Angel tries to continue the trial after the judge declares court is adjourned... using the power of a jumbo lunchbox, complete with sparkling sound effects
Judge: Wooo hoo! A triple-decker!
Detective Gumshoe heads off to give Edgeworth his "report", which is literally just the words "No problems" scribbled on the back of a flyer. When you catch up with Edgeworth, he says that he did get some information from the detective and is asked if it was helpful. He gives his thin-lipped smile and responds:
Edgeworth: Apparently, a new French restaurant is opening near here. I think he was trying to console me, somehow.
There's also this exchange, some time after Jake Marshall starts a "number of words" type challenge:
Edgeworth: If you have a response, make it one word or less. Phoenix: ARGHHHHH! Edgeworth: I rest my case.
Most of the Judge's dialogue.
Judge: "Well, people sometimes mistake my beard... for a bib."
It's funnier by Phoenix's internal response: (A judge with a bib. That's why this place feels so much like kindergarten sometimes.)
Although it may take the cake when Phoenix questions whether the Judge can uphold a witness's testimony. The Judge yells "NOOOOOO!" and the screen fades to black. The screen then relights, and...
Phoenix:(apparently just had an aneurysm) Edgeworth:(WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN expression) Mike Meekins:(stands there saluting like there's nothing wrong) Judge: Well, I believe we're all thinking the same thing. How can we deal with these unsettling feelings stirred within us...? Edgeworth:(slams table) "What the hell was that wriggling piece of plywood!?"
None of them ever quite recover from the trauma, as seen when the Blue Badger reappears on Edgeworth's half of Ema's drawing:
Edgeworth:"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM--" Judge:: "Is something wrong?" Phoenix: (Do you even have to ask?) Edgeworth: "MMMMM— Sorry, Your Honor. This is... that thing!" Judge:: (wide-eyed) "It's that thing!"
Judge: "Don't "oops" me! Or I'll be the one throwing my shoe next!"
There's also this penalty line:
Judge: "What part of [Ema's] picture... contradicts the autopsy report?"
Phoenix: "TAKE THAT! Um, I think it's... uh, this part here?"
Judge: "Hmm... I don't see what's so strange about that."
Phoenix: "That's because the drawing stinks!"
Ema: "...Mr. Wright... How could you... *sniff*"
Edgeworth: "The act of making an innocent girl cry should warrant the death penalty."
When connecting the blood dots on the jar:
Judge: "I feel like I'm teaching handwriting to a pupil who is all thumbs."
Edgeworth: "I think you should make him write out "I won't do it again" 100 times."
Right before that, even though it provides a bit of Mood Whiplash:
Phoenix: "This is the message from the deceased!"
Judge:(nods his head) "Right. Now then. This is the message from the judge!"
The killer cheerfully admitting to hiding Goodman's body in Edgeworth's car and breaking the trunk in the process, saying that Edgeworth makes enough money that it shouldn't be a problem, much to Edgeworth's chagrin.
Ema Skye's habit of evaluating ANYTHING observed by her, especially observing edgeworth's courtroom jacket which is framed up on the wall like a painting as phoenix wright himself puts it.
Phoenix: There's a Jacket hung up on the wall like a painting!
Ema: The Jacket seems to be high grade cashmere, italian styling, silk ruffles and gold-inset lining. I'd say the price of the jacket would be around $5,000.
Ema: On that note the suit you're wearing would be worth-
Phoenix: That will be enough of that! I don't need my life evaluated thank you very much!
Examine the SECURITY room when you first visit the Underground Parking Lot. Ema is convinced that's it's a cafe, of all things.
The defendant is about to be declared guilty. In desperation, Phoenix objects, despite not knowing exactly what he should say.
Phoenix: "This trial isn't over... until we give each piece of evidence proper consideration!"
Edgeworth: "So, Wright... are you saying there's a problem with this latest piece of evidence?"
This exchange. What's funnier is that she's right.
Maggey: "It's not me, sir! I didn't kill him!"
Phoenix: "Then how do you explain his dying message incriminating you?"
Maggey: "...it's a conspiracy!"
At some point you're required to present one of Phoenix's business cards as evidence. The Judge then thanks you, and hands you his own business card. It even gets added to the Court Record. You can try to read it to find out the Judge's name, but it turns out to be illegible.
If you assert that 'The front of the card' is what's important, the following occurs
Phoenix: "The name on that card tells people who I am! It even told ME that I'm "Phoenix Wright"!"
The Judge: "...Did you not know that?"
The ending of the trial. Franziska went crazy and whipped Phoenix unconscious.
One part of Lotta's testimony requires you to press five statements, all of which you were there for. Hence, three of these result in Franziska forcing you to corroborate Lotta yourself. The best is when Lotta describes "Mr. Lawyer" breaking the door down.
Franziska: "Honestly, Mr. Phoenix Wright. Why don't you tell us what happened then"
Phoenix: "Um... Yes, Ms. von Karma... I broke the door down. Sorry." (Why does this feel like an inquisition?)
Lotta: "No need for apologizin'! That was great! You're a real man!"
Judge: "Oh really? That's something I would've liked to see."
Phoenix: (The Judge is smiling rather openly. I'll take that as a good sign...)
Ini: "Are you really trusting the word of that fake, perverted doctor?" Phoenix: "Yes, I am. And how did you know he was perverte-" [von Karma cracks her whip]
"Objection! I object... for the sake of objecting!"
When Phoenix is attempting to get Money the Monkey to drop what he's holding, there are three options on how to act: "Man to Man", "Man to Monkey", and "Monkey to Monkey." "Monkey to Monkey" is by far the most humiliating for Phoenix and is hilarious.
Ask Regina about the monkey, and she'll admit that even she has Money problems.
The Judge's reaction if you accuse him of being the murderer near the very end. Even though it'll cause an instant game over if you've received so much as a single penalty during the second day of the trial, it's well worth doing so, just to see how hard the Judge can hit the Berserk Button. Two for the price of one penalty!
Judge: GWWWAAAAAAAH?! WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME!? THAT'S A PENALTY!!
If you accused that the bust is under either the Judge bench or Franziska's. Either take double penalty or full course of leather-whip set!!
The start of the trial, where the Judge doesn't even get to finish his very first sentence before Franziska starts whipping everybody.
Speaking of more whipping shenanigans, you know that "surprise take of everyone in the courtroom" scene that keeps happening throughout the series? Yeah, von Karma interrupts that with her whip.
Everytime Trilo or Maya asks the court to call out Max's three symbols, the entire court responds with the answer: "SILK HAT! CLOAK! WHITE ROSES!" When Moe asks the court the same thing, he's simply met with, ".........."
Moe asks Phoenix to stop being so down and deliver a "funny" joke himself.
Phoenix: "Why am I, Phoenix Wright, such a great lawyer? Because I am "Wright" all of the time!"
(Cue awkward look from Maya and a dead stare from Moe)
Don't worry, it eventually catches on.
The Judge threatening to have bailiff punch people in the face if they make too much noise.
Oldbag: "How long are they going to leave me screening the hotel?"
If you press Oldbag at the right time, Phoenix will get frustrated with her for stalling during her testimony, to which she'll react by stalling even longer by just singing the Nickel Samurai theme song until Edgeworth bribes her with a stick of gum.
Edgeworth: "Wright, I'll be sending the bill for the chewing gum to your office at a later date."
Which is immediately followed by Phoenix mentally making a note to respond to that with a "Thank You" letter.
The pressing of Shelly de Killer about his fee.
Phoenix: "How much is your fee...?"
de Killer: "..."
de Killer: "I see you are also quite a dark-hearted man, Mr. Attorney..."
de Killer: "If you would like to talk business, we can do so after the trial..."
Phoenix: "Ack! NONONO! I'm not thinking of hiring—"
Judge: "M-M-Mr. Wright!!"
Judge: "You want to kill me... You want me dead... DON'T YOU!?!?"
Phoenix: "Whaaaat!? Why would you think something like that, Your Hon—"
Judge: "Guilty! MR. PHOENIX WRIGHT! You are hereby declared GUILTY!!"
On that note, the fact that this witness constantly offers his services to Phoenix - even suggesting he become the next de Killer at one point - is hilarious in and of itself.
Yet another one involving Edgeworth: Just after he reappears, he reacts to hearing Engarde's motto, "Refreshing like a spring breeze," with a surprisingly vehement, "R- Refreshing?! And what is so refreshing about a spring breeze?!" Phoenix's internal commentary on the subject:
(Sounds like the pollen is not treating him well this year...)
"This isn't the Phoenix Wright Wax Philosophical Power Hour!"
Maya couldn't help but change a relief moment into a laughing one: "H-Hey! I'm not an item!"
"If I could get huge rolls of cash just for bringing people things on trays, then why on Earth would I be standing around here prosecuting?!"
Phoenix tossing his cellphone across the courtroom to Edgeworth. Take that! indeed.
The developers found it necessary to animate the cellphone's Court Record picture spinning and shrinking right after that to simulate the phone throw. It is completely unnecessary and hilariously unexpected.
Also, since they're in court, Edgeworth just TURNS IT OFF while Gumshoe's on the other end, going on about the evidence he got.
Interrogating de Killer via a transceiver. The transceiver's Face Faults (you read that right) are the icing on the cake. Also worthy of mention is the transceiver's sweating what seems to be battery acid while under pressure as well as breaking apart once taken by shock.
Gumshoe decides to give Pearl the marvelous advice of: "Don't ever pick up a whip, OK? Don't even think about it. If you ever find yourself thinking you want one, try to make do with a good slap to the face. Got that? Slap the person in the face."
This becomes even funnier later on, since Pearls clearly takes this advice deeply to heart whenever she gets mad at Phoenix for what she perceives as cheating on Maya.
Will Powers' testimony spurs some great one-liners from Phoenix:
Phoenix:(discussing whether Shelly de Killer disguised as the bellboy is suspicious) "A baseball has stitches! Are you saying that all baseballs are suspicious because they have stitches?!"
Phoenix: "A football is made of leather! Are you saying all footballs are suspicious because they are made of leather?!"
Examining the bear statue will eventually prompt it being added into the Court Record, with the line 'Bear snatched up by Edgeworth'. Just the mental image of Edgeworth struggling to get a life-sized bear statue out the door is enough to make anyone laugh. Or imagining him nonchalantly putting it in his pocket.
Late in the case, fail to provide a proper objection about why Engarde would want to obtain a suicide note that he would have known was a forgery and the judge will figure it out himself. But then Phoenix finishes his thought, leading the judge to get angry at him for stealing his thunder and give him another penalty.
Judge: "I could've even bragged about embarrassing Mr. Edgeworth to my grandchild had you not..."
Edgeworth's back! He's calm, he's cool, he's collected, he's got a kickass new theme song and he's effortlessly shooting down any attempts on Phoenix's part to prove his client's innocence. Then Wendy Oldbag shows up on the witness stand and his composure instantly vanishes.
Try to ask Oldbag about what she witnessed of the murder and you'll be presented with four psyche-locks. Looks like you have a daunting task ahead of you trying to pry that information out of her...until you come across the victim's autograph made out to a "Wendy" (Oldbag was a huge fan of his) and she'll want it so bad that all four locks will break at once.
Gumshoe: Any real detective would look at his bandana!
Judge: Mmm, banana.
Edgeworth: That's bandana, Your Honour.
Judge: Right, his banana-scented bandana.
Oldbag's reaction when the Jammin' Ninja's Button, which is covered in blood, is presented in court.
Oldbag: Aaaah! It's button number 2 on the Jammin' Ninja's costume!
Phoenix: (Now I KNOW she's an obsessed fan... She identified it in a single glance!)
Oldbag: Give it here! Give it here! If you don't give it to me, I'll punish you with this! *uses her ray gun*
Phoenix: (Wow... She really is a die-hard fan to want a button covered in blood...)
Even though this only happens if you trigger the bad ending Franziska has a priceless line.
Franziska: Well, I was just shot, so...
Right before court begins on the second day, Phoenix gets a call from Engarde. Shortly after, he gets another call...
Phoenix: "(Argh! It's that accursed Engarde again...)"
Phoenix: "WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE!? Look, don't call me anymore! I mean it!"
Payne: "Nooooooo! My hair is flying ooooooofffffffff!"
Phoenix: "Toilet!? My perfect little Dollie doesn't poop!"
There's also this absolute gem from Mia in the very beginning, where Grossberg says "You've made our client cry!" and she responds, "Let him! That 'P' on his sweater doesn't stand for Phoenix!" Think about it for a little while.
It's funny how much Phoenix annoyed Mia when they first met. When he was fawning over his "Dolly", it annoyed Mia so much she had the strong urge to slap the person closest to her. Said person was Grossberg. Her reaction is amusing even after we see what happened to the last person Mia defended, who was also fawning over Dahlia.
When Dahlia Hawthorne appears in court, both the Judge and Payne fawn over how pure and innocent she looks. Mia's response?
Mia: (Now I can see whose milkshake brings all the boys to the yard!)
Any time Grossberg mentions his hemorrhoids. Disgusting, yes, but also hilarious.
By the end of the case, Mia finally asks him to stop talking about his hemorrhoids. His response: "How rude!"
In some versions, Grossberg drops this line:
Grossberg: "It feels like my hemorrhoids are doing the Harlem Shake!"note The Harlem Shake was a dance created by Harlem resident Al B in 1981, but the more well known Harlem Shake is the 2012 Baauer song and the accompanying 2013 internet meme. The case takes place in 2013. The game came out in 2007.
When it's revealed that Dahlia had an ulterior motive for dating Phoenix, he freaks out, grabs the bottle necklace and tries to flee the courtroom. When he's brought back and told to give back the necklace, he reveals that he ate it. The court's reaction is priceless. (This becomes a massive "Funny Aneurysm" Moment after Case 3-4...)
Dahlia Hawthorne is giving a testimony about her relationship with Phoenix. Without warning, the final row line of dialog comes from Phoenix himself, blurting out that the two are so lovey-dovey it makes people sick. The judge warns him not to do that again or he'll be held in contempt.
This line, if you present Mask*De Masque to Ron De Lite.
Ron: "Maybe I should give up being a thief and become a professional cowbell player..."
Phoenix examining a bent ornamental sword, wondering how it got that way.
Maya: "Maybe Detective Atmey smashed Mask*DeMasque with it. Like this!"
Phoenix: "YEOOOOOUCCCH!! WHAT THE HECK!"
Maya: "What do you think, Pearly?"
Pearl: "I think it's even more bent than it was before."
Phoenix: (Oh man...my head...my HAIR!)
The Judge mishears the word 'broach'.
Judge: "A breach? Here!? Bailiff! Get my steed! We need to retreat at once!"
If you present Pearl's profile to Larry, he talks about how cute she is, and only decides against dating her because dating two girls with the same name would violate one of his personal rules. Phoenix notes that the fact that Pearl is nine years old might violate some rule somewhere.
At one point in the trial, Phoenix is prompted to explain away a hitch in his case. He stays ponderously silent, until his expression suddenly becomes very sheepish.note Because he belatedly realized that he can't explain it away. It's a standard sprite, but it's that extremely embarrassed grin of his that sells it.
At least at two points in the trial, after the defense makes a strong point, Godot calmly sips his coffee only to make a very abrupt Spit Take immediately after.
If you present Phoenix's profile to Maya at the beginning of the case, she observes that he "isn't very photogenic." As he puts it, "Ouch!"
Pearl: "Well, that's the end of that conversation!"
All of Phoenix's inner thoughts about Atmey are amusing, and they're rather frequent. If it's not what he's thinking, his expression (usually his exasperated animation) and the sound effects really sell it.
And who could forget Pearl's slapping rage towards Nick after Desiree gives him a kiss as a thanks for proving his husbands innocent.
Phoenix: (*gulp* I can feel my face going red)
Pearl: (suddenly appears) Mr.Nick! Mystic Maya! Congratulations!... *gasp* (was shocked to see Desiree and not too happy about it)
Phoenix: (...Talk about bad timing.)
Pearl: (begin to slap Phoenix) Mr.Nick! How could you!? (slap again) With another man's wife (slap again) In front of Mystic Maya!
Near the beginning, in an attempt to get information out of a Dirty Old Man, Phoenix drags along Maya in a Tres Bienuniform. Said old man tells her she looks like a kid and to come back in a few years... so she channels Mia. Hilarity Ensues.
Phoenix: (Even from beyond the grave... Wow...)
Godot refers to Phoenix, Maya, and himself as "the porcu-headed lawyer and the topknot chick over there, and the ungodly cool guy with the mask over here."
Furio Tigre's Paper-Thin Disguise. It's just a paper badge, a blue suit and spiky hair. Maggey Byrde even tells Phoenix at the beginning of the case that all the phony had in common with him was his hair. Besides that, Furio Tigre is red, literally the color red, and acts nothing like Nick! They don't even look alike except for the hair!, and yet, all he got was mild confusion.
Jean Armstrong applying oil to himself in front of Phoenix.
Phoenix: "MY EYES! MY EYEEEEESS!"
The judge's sheer lack of knowledge about technology:
Judge: "A "computer virus?" What's that do?"
Phoenix: "It's a program that destroys your computer from the inside."
Judge: "A "computer?" What's that do?"
Phoenix: "I'll explain after the trial."
Related: Maya and Gumshoe have a similarly clueless conversation about viruses during the investigation, and it is priceless. Bonus points for Phoenix Wright, who's already been established to not be very tech-savvy, being the one to explain it.
Anytime Godot throws his coffee mug at Phoenix's head. It's impossible not to laugh after seeing the look on Phoenix's face when this happens.
After Phoenix tricks Tigre into admitting that he's the one who killed Elg, he screams so loud the entire power in the courtroom goes out! Related to the above, Godot uses this as yet another chance to leave Phoenix with the contents of his coffee mug spread over his face.
When Nick finds out that Gumshoe has a crush on Maggey.
Phoenix: (Note to self: Gossip with Maya about this later!)
This case has some of the greatest lines with Mia's thoughts on her hating Edgeworth. She wanted to strangle him with his cravat and called him a hypocrite.
Becomes even funnier since Mia is facing off against Edgeworth while he's still a novice, so his quirks and uptight nature are taken Up to Eleven.
Gumshoe's (extremely awkward) attempt to hit on Mia.
'D-do I really inspire this sort of frothing desire from the female masses?' Which can also be seen as a Fandom Nod. Actually, any scene where Edgeworth gets freaked out is likely to be a Funny Moment for someone.
Thinking about it, it's not just the 'female masses' line - everything from the part where you play as Edgeworth is concentrated comedy gold. Gumshoe's reaction when you find the staff, the lines when you present evidence incorrectly, and this:
Is there some sort of kick-me sign on the defense's bench!?
The context for that line makes it even funnier: if you press the 4th statement of Sister Bikini's first testimony, Edgeworth eventually asks how long she bathed, and Bikini thinks he's hitting on her. Then he gets whipped by Franziska. And insulted by the judge.
Thank God for internal monologue.
Presenting the hood to Sister Bikini (while Gumshoe is present) results in the two of them forcing Edgeworth to try it on. There are no custom sprites for this, sadly, but the dialogue strongly implies that they unceremoniously shove it onto his head.
Edgeworth: No! I can't...! I was just...!
Bikini: ... Ha ha ha! Ho ho ho!
Gumshoe: Ho ho ho! It's like it was made just for you, Mr. Edgeworth!
Edgeworth: What do you mean by that, Detective!?
Bikini: It looks absolutely marvelous! You've just got to keep it on for a while!
Edgeworth: (Is this some sort of divine retribution...?)
What happens when you examine the Camera in the Detention Centre;
Edgeworth: The camera is glaring at me. "If something glares at you, it's only polite to return the favor," is what I was taught.
Also, he misheard Phoenix's description when Nick first loaned him the Magatama, and proceeds to constantly refer to Psyche-Locks as "Psycholocks."
How about the first time Edgeworth breaks a 'Psycholock':
Edgeworth: (Was it the evidence or the power of my glare that broke that lock...?)
And how about Edgeworth's reaction to Larry Butz's Psyche-Locks after he just unlocked three and now there are FIVE of them.
And he'd broken the final one by pointing out that you're not supposed to write the actual phrase "Salutation here" in a letter.
Here's a fun fact: this event actually causes Edgeworth to call it quits on the day's investigation. He decides the only way to proceed is to put Larry on the stand and drag the truth out of him. The next day, said person proceeds to make a mockery of the court.
This little snippet:
Larry: "Oh... I shouldn’t have done that..."
Edgeworth:(thinking) "Done what? Maybe I can get some more informa-"
When Phoenix has to present Larry's sketch , there are a few options you get in how to present it. "A major contradiction" is the obvious correct answer, but answering "exactly what happened" provides a hilarious snippet of dialogue. "Of course the victim was flying through the air! You can see it right in the sketch! Woooooooosh!" The sound effects that accompany this make it extremely funny. Godot is so amused/baffled by this explanation that he will waive the penalty; something he won't do if use the third option "absolutely nothing".
Larry's, or rather, "Laurice Deauxnim's" evidence.
The Judge: "High! The girl... She's really high up in this picture!"
Sister Bikini being called to the witness stand. She shows up and... all you can see is the top of her hood. The judge asks her to stand up nice and tall. She obliges.◊ Edgeworth tactfully suggests they get her some milk crates to stand on.
A rather subtle one comes near the end of the game when we find out that Adrian Andrews and Pearl aren't the only people to have ever broken and repaired Ami Fey's Urn.
When Edgeworth tells the judge to call Larry Butz to the stand:
Judge: "This guy must be a product of "Jean-Luc de Laduc's Guide To Obnoxious French Painting"."
Butz: "I was so worried! So I frantically searched all over for her!"
Edgeworth: "HOLD IT! So you searched all over for her?"
Butz: "She was flying pretty high, you know. I thought maybe she slipped on her landing and got hurt. Hey! It was more than possible! Also, when I headed out to the shack the first time, I was snacking on a banana. I was pretty sure I threw the peel away somewhere around there, so, you know..."
Edgeworth: "..." (Can one guy really be this stupid?)
Edgeworth: "So, did you find any signs of her so-called "landing"?"
Butz: "Hmm... I don't really remember. I kept on falling over myself, and kinda lost it for a while there."
Judge: "You... fell over yourself?"
Butz: "Yeah. The snow was deep, and there was even a banana peel out there!"
Edgeworth: (Yup. There's stupid, and then there's Larry Butz.)
During the investigation, Phoenix stumbles across Gumshoe... who is singing. Kudo's military-esque theme is playing in the background. Every case gonna be airtight.
Phoenix: "Hmm. I didn't know Detective Gumshoe was a fan of reggae."
Near the end, despite the serious and heavy nature of the current testimony, the Judge notes that one bit sounds quite reasonable. Phoenix retorts that said testimony creates a glaring contradiction. The Judge, having recently gained quite an open mind, simply nods and responds.
Judge: "That makes sense. After all my deductions are almost certainly never correct."
After the final case is finished, Gumshoe decides to take Phoenix and the others to a certain high-class French restaurant: Tres Bien.
Phoenix: (I knew it... We're doomed.)
Larry and Pearl's little pity-party at the Heavenly Hall is really, really amusing for some reason.
Larry: My life's here now, with Pearl. Two losers cooking potatoes together forevermore!
Pressing Larry's first statement ("I was at the lodge out in the mountains, looking up at the stars that night.") during his first cross-examination yields this exchange where he invalidates his own testimony:
Judge: What ever is the matter, Mr. Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: This one statement is so full of contradictions... For a moment there I thought I was going to collapse.
von Karma: So, witness? Any idea where these contradictions in your testimony lie? Depending on your answer...I may let my whip have its way.
Butz: OK, give me a minute... Well, it was snowing that night so I couldn't have possibly seen the stars. That run-down shack is hardly a "lodge", is it...? And even if the stars could be seen, it isn't like I was there to look at them, right?
von Karma: See? You can do it if you try.
Phoenix and Franziska investigate several places together. Naturally, the dialogue is priceless.
Franziska: Don't you Americans like doing anything you please and simply saying "Whatever!"
Phoenix: No! (Okay, who told her about that!?)
That segment of the game also gives us a few lines that show that Franziska is actually prone to ditziness once in a while. It's absolutely adorable, given her generally serious personality; she asks Phoenix very matter-of-factly if the Eagle River once hosted a prosperous port, having assumed the metal hook for the bridge cord was for mooring ships. Phoenix's internal commentary on it suggests that he's baffled that she seems to sincerely believe the training grounds were once host to a port. Though he corrects her quite politely aloud, she guessed what he was thinking and whipped him. She also came to the conclusion that when Americans run out of paint, they use gravy.
Examining the Main Hall from outside prompts a conversation where Franziska sounds legitimately concerned about Sister Bikini. Of course, Phoenix brings that up, and out comes the whip.
The first conversations of the first trial are madness. There's just something so funny about Franziska and Edgeworth trolling the judge and each other at the same time.
Oldbag appearing in the credits.
Larry's matter-of-fact comments on his sketch that seems to depict Iris flying in the air.
Larry: I wish she'd take better care of herself. We have to plan for our future, you know! What would've happened to her if she had injured herself flying like that...?
When you examine the Shichishito/Ami Fey statue, Gumshoe rather cheerfully informs Edgeworth that the prints on the sword belong to Iris. Presumably Edgeworth has pulled out his damage animation/zombie-with-stomach-flu face again because of what happens next:
Edgeworth: Is this how it feels for Wright? Is this what it's like to be a defence lawyer?
Gumshoe: Yeah, I figure it doesn't really feel good.
Edgeworth: ... To be honest, it feels more like it's detrimental to your health.
*cheerful sound of the Shichishito being added to the court record!*
When Phoenix and Franziska finally locate Pearl, Franziska takes an immediate shine to her and tries to act like a Cool Big Sister. Except Pearl, who evidently still hasn't forgiven Franziska for prosecuting Maya back in the second game, isn't having any of it and proceeds to completely tear Franziska a new one. For pretty much the only time in the series, Franziska is left completely speechless (until she recovers by whipping Phoenix for smiling).
Franziska: No smirking!
Phoenix: No whipping the sick!
A few profiles, and two pieces of evidence are loaded with snark, when playing as Edgeworth.
When Phoenix has to cross examine Lotta Hart, he struggles for some contradiction in her testimony. He desperately grasps onto the fact that she heard the gunshots shortly after midnight on Christmas Eve...arguing that technically she heard the shots on Christmas Day. This is such a ridiculous argument that the entire court, including Edgeworth and Von KarmaFace Fault. As soon as she's standing up again, Lotta tells Phoenix "You sure ask a lot of useless questions, don't you?"
This jibe, courtesy of Manfred Von Karma: "If the killer really did that, he would be very foolish. Much like you, Mr. Wright."
When the boat keeper testifies that he saw Edgeworth kill Hammond, he stresses how much Edgeworth was "fluttering" as he went by. He then finishes by saying he heard Edgeworth said "I never thought I'd kill him". Edgeworth shouts from the witness stand "Objection! I never said anything like that! Moreover...I don't flutter to that extent!" The courtroom Face Faults at that. Amusingly, as they get back up, you can hear someone saying "Look, he's fluttering now!"
Pretty much any time Larry Butz is on screen. The actor plays him as such a Large Ham, it's hilarious!
His not guilty verdict in the first case ends with a janitor unceremoniously throwing pieces of paper as confetti, in contrast of the more celebratory one in the game. In fact, the entire first case is hilarious, if only for the sheer shitty condition of Larry's courtroom.
Bonus points to any time he has his metal detector. Some particular instances include him running in as a surprise witness and nearly hitting Edgeworth with the thing as he turns around and him twirling it like a baton, making airplane noises when Phoenix tries to take it to find the bullet in von Karma's shoulder. It ends with Phoenix impatiently snatching the thing out of Larry's hands.
When the boat keeper can't be found, Phoenix tries stalling for time to keep the judge from making a verdict. He fails, but just as the judge is swinging down the gavel, he's interrupted by the plush hand of the Blue Badger... who slowly pulls himself up over the desk to stare at the judge. Cue Gumshoe bringing in the boat keeper.
And following that, if one watches the Blue Badger in the background, we see it fall to the ground. It's head falls off...and no one's inside. A bit creepy, yes, but it's also hilarious that no one notices the apparently animate theme park suit.
After Phoenix reveals that Lotta hadn't actually been paying attention to the boat the murder took place in, she freaks out and runs from the courtroom (after quickly apologizing to Edgeworth). The Judge, perfectly deadpan, gives the best line to sum up the entire series:
Judge: What kind of a hectic trial is this?
The last scene before the credits roll is Maya, Edgeworth, Phoenix and Larry out in the street, when Maya asks a question: Who was the real culprit of the classroom trial?. Fans of the games would know, but Larry stole Edgeworth's money to pay for something he wanted at the time in the movie. The end conversation is hilarious and heartwarming in that even if they're all 24 years old, when in each other's company they can act like kids.
Larry: Well, I was a thousand yen short, and I really wanted it at the time...
Phoenix: Are you serious?! You stole it?! Why did I study Law then!?
Larry: Oh come on, Nick...it was 15 years ago...isn't there a Statue of Iteration or something on that?
Phoenix: Come on, my foot!(starts chasing Larry around)When's the Statute of Limitations on our friendship?!
During the end credits, after Edgeworth rasies an objection in court, he pulls out the Jammin' Ninja's red guitar and strums it while in a completely serious tone asks "How do you explain this, Defense?"