Funny: Late Night
From the Conan O'Brien era:
- The "schizophrenic reactions" from the audience, whenever Conan told a joke that got a negative reaction...followed by applause.
- "Yay boo, yay boo, it's lots of fun to do; if you like something, you holler "yay!", and if you don't, you holler "boo!""
- In the segment where he tried to beat his ring spinning record, he hyped up the crowd beforehand:
Conan: Hey! Can we do this? YES, WE, CAN!........ That's a new low for me. (audience and Conan both laugh)
- In the Triumph sketch where Triumph visits Quebec, he and a (real) female dog have dinner at a fancy restaurant. At one point, dinner was served and Triumph took a "bite" of meat, but since a puppet can't eat food, Triumph merely spit it out, exclaimed "Oh my GOD!" in disgust and flung the meat to the floor.
- The "If They Mated" where David Gest and Liza Minnelli were said to be dating. The audience groaned in disgust at the before pictures, which made Conan laugh hysterically. It took him three tries before he could show the punchline.
Conan: People can't handle the "before" picture! That's never happened! That's never happened!
- Speaking of "If They Mated", after hearing the jingle one time, Conan remarked, "That sucks.", and stated they have to change it because he can't hear it anymore.
- The "Late Night Create Your Own Commercial Contest" run in general, but particularly these entries:
- A guy having sex with a blow-up doll: "Watch Late Night: It'll get you laid"
- "I NEED MY CONIE CONE!!!!" "It's almost as much fun as riding a PIG!" (Conan mistook the commercial for a death threat)
- "GO DIZZ, GO!"
- The "Walker, Texas Ranger lever" in general. But particularly these clips:
- Clip of Walker beating up some bad guys in a nursing home. Conan comments: "That is my favorite episode of Walker: He goes into a nursing home and beats the crap out of everyone."
- "How 'bout a nice Hawaiian punch?" (slams character's head into a punch bowl)
- "Walker told me I have AIDS."
- A woman falls off a building, with repeated shots of Walker, James, and a female policeman reacting to it. Conan is baffled how that's supposed to be a good action sequence, since they just watch her fall for "forty minutes".
- A hoodlum kicks a pigeon in front of a senior citizen. Conan is horrified. "That's a BAD GUY!"
- A villain taunts a hanging Walker by asking him if he wants some water. Walker kicks the thug down, gets free from the rope, grabs the guy's water bottle, and chugs the whole bottle. "Don't mind if I do."
- A woman hijacks a plane, and says they're going to the Cayman Islands. Walker reveals himself from behind a chair, grabbing her wrist. He tells her, "You're goin' to jail first, honey. Then you can go to the Cayman Islands." Then he tells the pilot, "Tie her up and gag her."
- A villain exits a room, and is kicked in the face by Walker. Conan observes: "Wait a minute... the leg was coming from down here! Is Walker in a hole upside down?! I don't think Chuck Norris is around for 50% of the filming of the show; I think they just have a leg on a stick."
- After a fight scene featuring a bunch of beefy villains, Conan observes that Walker only seems to fight fat people.
- A boy is on top of a ladder, and his father tells him to jump and he'll catch him. The boy jumps, but the father steps out of the way and lets the kid hit the ground. This clip horrified Conan, who clutched his head in mock pain and laid down on the couch. "He let that kid hit the ground! That's the most disturbing video I've ever seen. AND I'VE SEEN IT ALL."
- Walker bursts into a bar and quickly asks, "Where's Candy Delight?" The owner asks, "Candy who?" Walker replies, "Candy... (punches the guy in the face) ...Delight." Conan commented, "Wha?? That was completely unreasonable! That guy didn't hear you! "LookinforCandyDelight!" "Who?" "I said BAM!!!"
- After a particularly good clip of a character slowly wheeling into a pool, Conan said he was going to stop there for the night. But the audience demanded more, so he pulled the lever again. The next clip was a sports montage of Walker competing in an event while a cheesy rock song played. After the clip ended, Conan reprimanded the audience: "What did I tell you?! We got greedy, we went back for more, and we got the worst musical montage I've ever seen."
- A thug holding up a store forces a woman to sing "99 Bottles of Beer" with him. Except he's not really "singing" so much as shouting the lyrics while the frightened woman joins him.
- A character says, "Y'know, there's a lot of people out there that really need the martial arts." Another character replies, "That's not the only thing they need..." and pulls out a Bible. Conan, puzzled, merely says, "....Okay."
- Clip is of a guy invading a class and Walker, who's sitting with the students, saves the day. Conan likes the clips but is always confused about the context: "As near as I can figure it, Walker just happened to be taking a home finance course, (audience laughs) he's just sitting there when a crazed man in a ski mask comes in. BAD classroom to pick, that's what I say."note
- Walker and James are fighting a thug, but a woman comes out of nowhere and takes care of the guy for them, then runs off before they can say anything. James asks, "Who was that?" Walker replies, "I don't know." Conan immediately remarked, "Well go after her!" And added: "Who was that? I don't know, I guess we'll never know." He also thought they'd easily be able to catch her because she was wearing high heels.