During one of Late Night's Custom-Made Shows, the audience votes to hear how Dave, guest co-host Dennise, and Jane Pauley would sound if they had inhaled helium.
Amber: A black grad student is like a white grad student, except when he asks "Do you know who my father is?!", he's actually asking.
Seth: A 7 year old girl is currently on a mission to hug a police officer in all 50 states!
Amber: So yeah, she's white.
Seth: A microbiologist found that men's beards contain bacteria similar to those found in feral matter.
Jenny: Even worse, they contain men!
Seth: Hey! That joke offends me!
Jenny: Why? You never had a beard!
Seth: Neither have you!
Jenny: Yes I have, I took him to prom and his name was Mike.
January 14, 2016: Seth had recently recaptured Mexican drug kingpin Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman de la Loera appear on the show portrayed by Horatio Sanz.
When El Chapo enters the show, he's seen warily looking around.
El Chapo also describes a conversation he had with his lawyer about Sean Penn's interview, and the two went at it in a back and forth over what movies Penn had been in - El Chapo has never seen any of his movies, and Penn hasn't been in any of Chapo's favorite movies.
El Chapo explains his meeting with Penn was to discuss making The El Chapo Movie, an animated kids movie about his life, in which he plays a bunny named "El Hopo". The character has long, floppy ears, a cute tail, and a drug empire. Seth insists that it doesn't sound like a kid's movie, and El Chapo compares it to Inside Out, in that while Riley had to find her joy, El Hopo has to find his rival, a dog named PabloEscobar, and that El Hopo would shoot him in the head. When Seth continues to insist that it's not a kid-friendly movie, El Chapo quickly shuts him down, and says it is because he says it is.
When Seth asks El Chapo if he should be in prison right now, El Chapo giggles profusely and says "Oops! My bad, man!" Then la policia show up, and ask if Seth has seen El Chapo anywhere. Cut to El Chapo hiding his head under a lamp, and the cops fall for it. They then demand that if Seth sees El Chapo, that he tell him to come back to jail. It's like asking a rowdy teenager to come back home after going out with friends, only with a drug lord.
One segment of "Ya Burnt" featured then-presidential candidate Senator Bernie Sanders, retitled as "Ya Bernt". One of his gags was describing income inequality, and then saying it made less sense than the plot of Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. Even better is that Bernie is clearly not a comedian or an actor, so he's a bit wooden, but it arguably makes it even funnier.
Following the 2016 election, disgraced New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has become one of the main Butt Monkeys of the show, especially during "A Closer Look".
When Seth brought up how Trump claimed that the culprit behind the DNC hacking could've been some 400 pound man sitting on his bed in New Jersey, Seth questioned if Trump was trying to frame Chris Christie for the attack.
Seth discusses the travel ban and mentions that someone immediately came running like a lapdog to defend Trump. Cut to Chris Christie giving an interview defending Trump. Seth declares that Christie must learn that the bridge to Trump's heart is closed, as a picture of Christie holding a sign that says "You deserve better Donald" in a parody of Love Actually.
When Trump joked about destroying a Texas lawyer's career for opposing him, Seth said that the perfect way to destroy someone's career is having them stand behind you as you give a speech.
On the topic of the odd bathrobe mix-up (in which a report stated that Trump spent his free time exploring the White House in a bathrobe, only for press secretary Sean Spicer to reject the report on the basis Trump doesn't own a bathrobe), Seth says a collector sent a photo of a younger Trump in a bathrobe to CNN. Seth wonders who's collecting pictures of Trump in a bathrobe... only for a picture of Chris Christie to be displayed.
Seth bringing up Donald Trump's McDonald's commercial where he's seen interviewing Grimace.
Seth on Trump's superficial attempt to warn children on drugs
Seth: I will rain hellfire on my enemies until no man but me is left standing on the burning heap of what was once civilisation. Also, say no to drugs, kids.
When the hosts of Fox and Friends flippantly laugh off the seriousness of Trump being reported as trying to fire Robert Mueller, Seth flat out says he expects them to praise Trump for "solving jaywalking" in the event that he shoots a random man in the street.
Meyers' hilarious—and let's face it, dead-on accurate—parodies of the numerous tropes consistently found in movies set in Boston, movies meant as Oscar Bait, and movies about journalism.
8 December 2016:
Seth's comment on Trump hiring a new combative lawyer who is shown to be wearing a scowl and a mustache.
Seth: Look at this guy. It's like Trump tried to out-police the police by hiring his own Sipowicz.
Seth makes a point that when Trump is told not to do something stupid, like calling Vladimir Putin to congratulate him on the election (a note was written to him saying "DO NOT CONGRATULATE") in capital letters, he sees it as a challenge, not a warning.
Seth (as Trump): I can go even stupider than that. Let's replace the Statue of Liberty... with Bob's Big Boy.
Seth noticing Chris Christie's heavy tan while being interviewed by CNN.
Seth: What's up with casual Chris Christie? Guy's out of office and he looks like he just closed down another beach.
Seth's amusement over the "talking stick" disaster in Senator Collins' bipartisan meetings about immigration.
Seth: The people we're trusting with immigration can't be trusted with a stick!
Seth's confusion over Trump's mention of "flamingo dancers" (he meant "flamenco")
Seth quipping that if he ever wants to see Steve Mnuchin, he just has to go to the aquarium where Mnuchin spends his days suctioned to the inside of the glass. And if people ever want to see KellyAnne Conway, they just have to set up a camera, say they're from CNN and she'll materialize like the shadow demon from Game of Thrones.
Seth's remark that Rudi Giuliani looks like he sat on his own balls in every interview. "Remember, Rudy: swing forward, then sit!"
Seth's comparing the GOP to The Mafia leads to some rather colorful descriptions:
"You guys are the ones that run the government like a protection racket; Republicans all look like they should be cracking their knuckles in a butcher shop, telling the owner, “Nice place you got here. Would be a Shame If Something Happened to it.” If you took any photo of Trump’s aides and added Clemenza from The Godfather, no one would notice." "So, Trump says a Congressman who body slammed a reporter is his kind of guy, and let’s not forget, Trump also told his supporters to knock the crap out of protesters and promised to pay their legal fees if they did. He’s an actual crime boss! I mean, look at him! He sweats like he’s being dangled off the side of a roof by Batman! Trump is the classic fake-tough-guy from Queens; if he weren’t President, he’d be the guy sitting on a park bench in Flushing Meadows, saying 'Who are you looking at?' to the squirrels."
When Trump aggressively demands that Fox News hosts Tucker Carlson and Jeannine Pirro be brought back on the air after they were suspended for making bigoted comments, Seth comes to a haunting realization:
During all this, Trump advisor KellyAnne Conway's husband, George Conway, tweeted "His condition is getting worse." Seth notes with some amusement that Conway didn't even need to say Trump's name for everyone to realize that's who he was talking about, joking that he may as well have tweeted "He's yelling at the TV again."
Seth also demands that they televise Trump's golf games.
"You won't let us watch him golf — even though, if you did, it would be higher rated than the Super Bowl. I mean, I would watch because there's so much that I want to know: Is he actually good, or is he terrible and everyone pretends that he's good? I know he cheats, but how? Is he good at it, or is he super obvious? Does he make a weird noise when he swings, and if so, is it the same noise or does it change based on the club? Seriously, televise his next golf game, sell it on pay-per-view, and build your wall with that money!"
Seth's impression of Jeannine Pirro may not sound like the woman herself, but he manages to perfectly capture the spirit and style of her rants, creating an oddly accurate imitation that's also hilarious to listen to, especially if he uses his impression to say something absurd.
15 June 2017: During a Senate meeting, Senator Claire McCaskill tries to find out if the GOP were having any hearings on healthcare, and Orrin Hatch forgets that Democrats had been invited to take part in the debate, so a young female aide had to remind him.
Seth: Aw man, that was like telling Grandpa who someone is! "This is Kevin, Joe and Mary's son" (elderly voice) "Oh. Hello..."
17 January 2018: Seth reacts to reports saying Trump is ping-ponging back and forth.
Seth: I don't even think he has the mental capacity for ping-pong. I think his brain is just a game of Pong. (Image is shown of Trump's head with a game of Pong in the middle)
Trump voiceover: Huge. China. Golf. Huge.
1 April 2019: Seth reacts to Trump saying "Weend!"
Seth: If there's one thing we've learned about Trump's presidency so far, it's that he loves doing random sound effects.
Trump: (in clips) Weend! — Shoom! — Buh-uh-uh... bink!
Seth: That's the whole presidency right there. He lies about funding for the Special Olympics and tries to take away his voters' healthcare, but they love his sound effects. We're living through the Police Academy presidency.
Seth: That's right: by winning states, Bernie's actually losing ground. You see, as all expert pundits know, you don't want to win the first two; that's a rookie mistake wherein you come off as needy, or as the kids would say, "thirsty." You want to throw everyone off by losing a bunch of states, playing it cool off to the side until someone finally says, [picture of Tom Steyer appears] "Who's that fellow with zero delegates?" No, seriously, who is that? [Steyer's name appears on the bottom of the picture] Oh. Alright. See, according to the pundits, you don't want to actually win the first two states like Bernie did. You wanna follow the Joe Biden path: come in fourth in Iowa, fifth in New Hampshire, and a distant second in Nevada — and on top of all that, just wander over during a crucial debate and give the frontrunner a hug.That's the first time Biden ever hugged someone from an angle where they could see him coming.
Seth: That's right; if you just combine the votes of Buttigieg, Biden, and Klobuchar, you can beat Bernie! Now all you have to do is find a way to genetically combine them into one candidate, [image of Klobuchar, Biden, and Buttigieg as a three-headed mutant] called the Klobubidebuttigar! It's that easy! And then, every time you ask it a question, it has the same answer. What should we do about healthcare? Buttigieg Head: We must step forward into the future. Klobuchar Head: I'm from Minnesota. Biden Head:Corn Pop was a bad dude!
Seth also explains that Democratic voters don't divide candidates into "progressive" and "moderate" lanes, instead choosing preferred candidates just based on what they like most.
Seth: They don't divide them up into lanes; they like them each for their own reasons; they like Bernie for his consistency on issues like healthcare, they like Warren for taking on big fights against special interests like Wall Street, they like Biden for his eight years as Obama's VP, they like Buttigieg for his youthful charm and charisma, they like Klobuchar for her record in the Senate, and they like Bloomberg because he pays people to like him.
Lately, it's become something of a Running Gag for Seth to compile Donald Trump's more bizarre proclamations together and compare them to something out of a crappy sci-fi script or an amateur YA novel:
Seth: Open on Moon Base Alpha, nestled in a forest city; insulin flows like water; the sky is filled with flying cars, which are expensive 'cuz they have computers all over the place. "The rivers are full of ballots. Mailmen have been indicted. Tiny dust particles are everywhere. Everyone is contagious except for me, your hero, the perfect physical specimen!"''
Seth Meyers comments on the first COVID vaccine:
Seth: Man, I never thought I'd be so happy to see someone get a shot. This must be what it felt like watching the Moon landing: it was a historic scientific achievement that you just know a bunch of idiot jabronis are gonna say was faked. "That wasn't real. Stanley Kubrick shot that." Stanley Kubrick is dead. "THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO THINK!"
Seth brings up when Trump bragged about his running of the military, including cooperation he received from an "overrated" general.
Seth: Trump hates people so much that, even when it would help him make his point, he undermines their credibility. "Yes, detective. I have an alibi for the night of the murder. Call Lying Eddie Exaggeration. This guy should be treated like a dog. So, so dishonest. Lying Eddie, he knows where I was last night."
Ahead of Trump's first CPAC speech as former President, Seth questions Lindsey Graham's claim that Trump will just stick to talking about policy before commenting on the Strictly Formula nature of Trump's rally speeches.
After Tucker Carlson went on a rant about how the animated characters in M&M's adverts were being redesigned to de-emphasize any gender characteristics and to be more "woke", Seth did an extended monologue, in-character as Tucker, about being sexually attracted to M&Ms.
Seth: This used to be a country where you could get aroused by candy. Where you, a hot-blooded youth, could be watching TV with your girlfriend, and a green M&M would come on screen with her full lips and her tantalising white boots, and you'd have to excuse yourself to take a cold shower or go for a long bike ride, and the next morning your girlfriend would say "Are you okay? You seem distant" and you wouldn't have the heart to tell her that you were distant, because you no longer felt any attraction to her dull, flesh-coloured human face, as you realised a truth that is self-evident, that pure sexuality comes in a green, button-shaped package with an alluring candy shell, so instead, you'd say "Everything's fine, sweetie" and you'd drive to work, but you'd stop at the convenience store, to buy a paper, you would tell yourself, but once inside you'd also grab a bag of candy, and you'd walk to the register praying that bag wouldn't slip out of your sweat-soaked palms, and when you paid, hands shaking and breath quick, the cashier would look at you, and give you a knowing nod, because as an American man, he understood what you wanted: to f*** a piece of candy.
Maybe you heard about his crypto exchange FTX, or his trading firm Alameda Research, or maybe you just caught wind of the fact that one of the biggest rising stars in tech and finance was a guy who looks the way Cheeto dust smells. I mean, look at that- that dude looks like an Albuquerque dog walker at 6 a.m. "C'mon, Nacho, buddy, do your business, bro!" He looks like he should be playing Seth Rogen's burnout son in a Judd Apatow movie. Somehow, this guy tricked the world's most influential people into believing he was a crypto visionary. Most international criminals have ice water in their veins, not bong water. And yet he even managed to convince the likes of Bill Clinton and Tony Blair to appear onstage with him at a conference in the Bahamas where FTX was based. Look at the disparity between them! Here's a tip: if you ever find yourself sitting on a stage in the Bahamas in a suit and you look around and notice you're sitting [next] to someone who's dressed like they forgot to change after gym class, that should be your first clue you f***ed up. There was a time when these two were both regarded as political trailblazers and master tacticians, but I think that all goes out the window once you get hoodwinked into appearing onstage with the Hobbit who stayed behind in the Shire because he was too busy playing Wii Tennis. Oh, are billions of dollars missing? Have you checked the fanny pack where his weed dealer keeps all his tips? "Woah, FBS gave me a billion-dollar tip! Looks like someone's getting new beaded curtains!" Also, I can't believe this guy thought he could hide out in the Bahamas. Usually when you think of "international fugitive", you imagine a stylish jewel thief, not a dude in a T-shirt that clearly came out of a cannon at a basketball game. I mean, dude was supposed to be a billionaire, but he looks like he was thrown naked into a Goodwill and given 90 seconds to get dressed. Why did it take until now for someone to figure out that this dude was grossly inexperienced and unsophisticated? Look, I know I'm hosting a network television show dressed like I'm about to go cut down the Rockefeller Christmas Tree, but wasn't it nice when con artists put a little more thought into their outfits? I mean, in Music Man, Harold Hill had a straw hat and a nice bowtie, so when he ripped you off, you didn't have to feel bad about getting tricked. But now it's all "I dress like a record producer" or "I dress like Steve Jobs" or "I dress like the kid at the skate park who has the most expensive board but just stands against the fence not doing any tricks!"
The recurring segment Surprise Inspection has Seth reading out jokes from his writers that were rejected for the monologue, many of which come off as So Unfunny, It's Funny. One of these segments aired shortly after the end of the 2023 WGA strike, with Seth taking a few opportunities to comment on the fact that his writers are now being paid better than ever before, and this is what they're coming up with. One standout is a joke about a bear being spotted aboard a sailboat at a Florida yacht club: "Officials gave the bear a stern talking to and then another one on the bow." Seth is flabbergasted that Ian was more interested in making a terrible boating pun than saying anything about the bear.
A "Ya Burnt" segment in October 2023 uses jokes that were purportedly written in May just before the strike began, whose writer Ben insisted they be used. Naturally, half the topics are pretty dated at best, including a This Is Going to Be Huge joke about the Jets signing Aaron Rodgers and a string of It Will Never Catch On jokes involving Barbenheimer (the latter combined with anotherThis Is Going to Be Huge joke about The Flash (2023)).
In February 2024, Joe Biden appeared on the show as part of Seth's tenth anniversary hosting Late Night, which was followed by the two going for ice cream, resulting in Biden being approached by reporters and questioned about the situation in Gaza. Two nights later, Seth covered the reaction to this in "A Closer Look":
Seth starts by reviving a Running Gag from the "Corrections" segment about wanting a Ben & Jerry's ice cream flavour named after the segment, calling it "A Closer Lick".
After an MSNBC reporter describes Biden answering serious questions while eating ice cream as "really strange":
Seth: You think it was strange for you? I was standing right next to him. Usually I'm the one taking closer looks at the news. Now I'm in the news, which means it's time for A Closer Look at... myself.
Seth expresses embarrassment over being constantly shown in the news footage next to Biden still holding the ice cream cone.
Seth: Seriously cameraman, you didn't want to help a brother out and frame the shot a little tighter? Never before in my life has the Curb Your Enthusiasm music been louder in my head than during this moment.
The repeated clip of Seth walking into the ice cream parlour asking tourists "Do you like ice cream too?"
Seth claims that this is not the first time this had happened to him, as he was eating ice cream next to Ronald Reagan when he made the "Tear down this wall!" speech, next to Nikita Khrushchev at the UN during the Cold War, and was even at the signing of the Declaration of Independence. "I'm the reason for the famous chocolate smudge!" (Which in turn led to "Corrections" Jackals pointing out that the doctored picture shows him eating vanilla ice cream.)
Seth then claims that at least this incident wasn't global news. Gilligan Cut to the BBC News reporting on it, while referring to "Seth Mayer".
Seth: Well, the hits keep on coming! Who is Seth Mayer? You're making me sound like the less cool brother of John Mayer, While John Mayer shreds on stage, Seth Mayer stands off to the side eating ice cream. Makes small talk with the audience. "You guys like music too?"
Seth then highlights a Twitter post from a pro-Trump pundit mocking Biden. "Do you know grown men who go get ice cream by themselves? I don't it's very strange."
After a Fox reporter compares Biden to Forrest Gump:
Seth: Biden's not Forrest Gump in that situation. I am! I'm the one standing next to a world leader not knowing why I'm there and wishing I was just playing ping-pong. He not the Gump. I the Gump. It's like my Mama always said, "You guys like ice cream, too?"
The hypothetical scenario of Donald Trump coming on the show, and going with Seth for KFC afterward, to which CNN would cover with "Trump discusses windmills while Steve Mayer watches like a dumbass."
