Funny / Cow and Chicken

  • Red making his own siren noises when he becomes a mall cop.
    • ANYTHING by Red like when he rolls around or walks on his butt
  • In a bid to figure out Super Cow's identity, Red Guy opens a dry cleaners for superheroes. Almost immediately he is besieged by a mob of costumed crusaders.
    Red Guy: (Holding up one costume) Corn Cob Man? There's a lot of sick people in this town. See here
    • When Chicken pretends to be Super Cow and tries to speak Spanish, but not very well. "¿Donde esta el baño? — "Where is the bathroom?"
      Red Guy: I don't know what you just said. BUT I DON'T LIKE THE WAY YOU SAID IT!!
    • Red tries to lure out Supercow by pretending to be a superhero crushed a huge chunk of kryptonite.
      "Help, superhero down. Need assistance."
  • A nurse telling Cow that she has been retroactively banned from sumo wrestling.
    Nurse: You won't be wrestling today, yesterday, or three years ago!
  • In "Lost at Sea", Flem and Earl forget that they're taking a bath together, and ask Flem's dad how they forgot where they were. He doesn't know. The Red Guy then shows up dressed as a doctor and directly addresses the audience with an explanation.
    The Red Guy: Of course Flem's dad couldn't explain what had happened, because HE'S AN IDIOT! Oh just look at those shorts.
    • And after he explains it, he himself forgets who he is, and flies through the wall and into the sunset thinking that he is Amelia Earhart
  • Red reading a fairy tale from a cookbook in "Goin' My Way":
    "And then, the Three Little Bacon Steaks were put in the oven and baked at 350, smothered in chocolate! The end."
  • In "The Legend of Sailcat" (which is weird even by their standards) they have one bit where Flem's dad sings that "when someone's depressed or has had a bad day (Sailcat) can always drop in with the right thing to say". What does Sailcat say to the bawling Cow? " Don't be depressed Cow, people like you because you're big and fat and ugly. Go with it!"
  • From "Comet!": "PLEASE, walk this way." (Red bounces on his butt and everyone except Chicken does the same)
    • Red freaking out from the comet (actually Chicken pranking him with a golf ball).
      Make up your mind, comet!
    • "Oh grandma. WE'RE ALL DEAD MEAT!"
  • From the episode where Cow accidentally swallows Chicken, they take her to "Dr. Heiney". He proceeds to do a series of random tests before taking a "milk sample" from Cow.
    Dad: Uh, doctor what is the point of this experiment?
    Dr. Heiney: Well, I'm thirsty, and your daughter's a cow. DO THE MATH!
  • Red's epic breakdown in "I Scream, Man", and then ending up in a mental clinic for it.
    Red: AAAAAHHHH!!!!! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!! I don't have any ice cream! None whatso...EVER! (Hangs near the side of the cop, then switches to a calm, quiet voice) I don't even like ice cream, (switches back to Large Ham mode) OR KIDS! It says "Eye Screem" on my truck, not "Ice Cream"! Get it? 'cause I SCREAM!!! Look at me. (screams while spinning in circles) SCREAMING IS MY HOBBYYYYYY!!!!!!.
    Policeman: (hits Red with a sausage) It's the padded cell for you, scream man!
    • Also, he tries to give Chicken ice cubes in a cone and Cow a beaver in a cone (SURPRISE!).
    • The pig's Freak Out after Mom mentions "piggy pops".
    • Red makes a No Animals Were Harmed statement at the end of the episode... and then he complains that HE was harmed instead (more than once).
  • From "The Great Pantzini," Red (as The Great Pantzini) making Mike the micro-trunked elephant cry by bringing up the time he crushed the Chinese acrobats (now referred to as, "The Chinese Pancakes.") and Red trying to convince Chicken that a weenie dog is his one-trick pony.
  • "You don't think? What are you, communists?"
  • All of "Who's Afraid of the Dark?", especially Dr. Laxslax, who's scared of everything.
    • And it all culminates in Mom and Dad deciding to adopt Dr. Laxslax on the spot even though he's a grown man.
  • After the "Buffalo Gals" break into the duo's house & starts eating their carpet.
    Dad: (jumping onto Mom in fear) Don't let 'em get me! Don't let 'em get me!
    Mom: They're not after you. *laughs*
  • In "Sergeant Weenie Arms", when the titular drill sergeant orders Chicken, Flem, and Earl to cut down a cave-tree as part of their Weenie Marine training. With their faces.
    • He later turns out to be actually really girly.
  • In "Child Star", Red finishes shooting his movie with Cow as the star, only to discover that he is completely out of a movie since the camera didn't have film in it. His solution? When he goes to present the film, he improvises using shadow puppets. And it works.
    Red Guy: Pretty little girl, starring in Pretty Little Girl. Uh, a pretty little girl went for a walk, (Red is revealed to be in the projector room) and met Jaime the neighbor boy whose cat was stuck in a tree. Uh, then invited all her friends to a tea party, where they, um, ooh, danced and MADE MERRY! And—and—and had cake, and, and...ohhhh... The end. (ends by showing a silhouette of his rear)
    Mr. Carp: Panced! Get down here! (The Red Guy goes up to him by rolling on the floor) Oh, you're a genius!
    Red Guy: (gasp) I am?
    Mr. Carp: Oh yes, yes. It's got action, it's got drama, it's got dance! Oh, it's going to be a hit hit hit! Oh, welcome to Hollywood, Mr. Panced!
  • The cashier yelling at Chicken for having a credit card with 25 cents worth of credit on it on "Free Inside."
  • On "Perpetual Energy": Dad doing shadow puppets with the perpetual energy light (a bunny, a big, fat pig, and a silhouetted woman he refers to as "Grandpa").
  • From "The Karate Chick":
    • Ben Panced's (the karate teacher) line's, "In karate, butt fu is most revered. (suggestively): And rear-viewed."
    • Ben Panced getting attacked by a shark (and liking it) while recreating the pole balance scene from The Karate Kid.
    • The homeless veterinarian's story of how he went insane: he worked as a vet for a company that made sure chickens were healthy, not knowing until it was too late that it's for O.F.C. (Ohio Fried Chicken), a company that processes chickens for food. When he saw his best patient, Lamar, get turned into a chicken loaf sandwich, he tried to revive him, but to no avail. Chicken then uses this new knowledge to trigger the homeless vet and get Dick the Bully (who's only a bully on school days; on weekends, he collects money for charity and helps the poor) to fight him by wrapping himself in bread and putting himself on a roasting spit over a fire.
  • In The Ugliest Wienie Part 2 (Or 3), Dad exclaims that Cow and Chicken are about to become thespians, to which Mom reproachfully responds "Oh honey."
  • Every time Dad and Mom make comments about how one's either a man or one's a lady.
    Dad: It's times like these that make me proud to feel like a MAN!
    Mom: Me too, dear!
  • "The Babysitter": The depressed comedian's stories at The Sad Club, which make Mom and Dad laugh and complain that the man is terrible:
    Depressed Comedian (tearfully): And then my cat ran away, right before my fiancee dumped me, but I didn't get message 'cuz they repossessed my phone. And I showed up at the church to find her...(bawling): marrying my cat! (sobs)
  • Chicken tormenting his family by taking a stand in the bathroom in "Chicken In The Bathroom", leading to many an Unusual Euphemism and Mom and Dad contorting their legs into knots. To name but few:
    Dad: Gotta....shake....hands...with the president!
    Mom: Gotta run for congress here...yi-yi-yi-yi-yi...