The Toilet Pizza (Text Version), from Spoony's musings about what brought it about to him putting it to use. Though at the end he notes that the only reason the story is funny is because nobody got seriously ill and/or died, which could have easily happened.
Invisible Jason (Text Version), where he recounts one of his friends managing to stand perfectly still on a car hood (and not even his own car) for sixteen hours just to avoid getting killed out of a game. By the time he's describing his returning the next morning and shouts "He's still there!", Noah is clearly right back in that moment of pure disbelief.
This exchange between him and Jason: "'Um, is that your car?' He goes, 'What? No.' [Beat] 'What are you doing on someone's — why are you ON a car?!'"
Oreo is sitting on the arm of the couch trying to grab a toy off his lap, but once he starts acting out what Jason was doing, she stops to stare at him with a completely puzzled expression.
"You've been standing on the hood of a car for 12 hours? I know guys in the military who couldn't do that!"
And when Spoony tried to get him off the car in the morning, the first thing Jason did was ask if the woman he was originally hiding from was gone.
During his Shadowrun: The Squirt Gun Wars V-Log, his new puppy Oreo's various interruptions of his story which include jumping up on the couch beside him and trying to play (which involves biting his arm) and running into the camera while he is recording causing the whole camera to shake.
She breaks one of her toys after just a few days, much to Spoony's outrage, and then provides the perfect deadpan reaction at his saying at the end "Can I help you?"
It's funny to consider the filming of one of Spoony's shows or Vlog's from Oreo's perspective. Occasionally her owner puts on a costume, his voice changes and he runs around acting weird and screaming at a camera. She doesn't know why he does these things and has no idea that it's a skit or that he's making a review show- just what does she think is happening?
The subject matter of the V-Log itself is pretty hilarious. Just goes to show the raw potential of chemical warfare when you put thought into it.
The epic rise and fall of Vegan Steve after sending one of Spoony's old Dungeons & Dragons campaigns Off the Rails.
Oreo's fascination with his circular hand movements.
The repeated references to Steve being a "fucknut."
He advises us to either make every player a Jedi or not use them at all when playing a Star Wars RPG, because otherwise you'll always get the non-Jedis trying to horn in on the Jedi battles.
He made the mistake of giving Darth Vader a cameo in one of his campaigns, causing all the players to immediately drop the story in favor of hunting down and killing Vader, while Spoony desperately tried to get them back on track.
"He's a twentieth level monknote As Spoony notes, it's actually a wereratnote Although it's possible that the DM just modified the campaign since he apparently did make it harder.!" *loud squeak by Oreo's squeaky toy that almost sounds like a frightened squeal*
The visual of the barely alive Tandem stabbing the remains of the Doormouse, to the point where his party members had to drag him off.
Him singing "He's trying to enchant us! He's trying to enchant us! FUCK-ING-KILL-HIM~!" Also the idea of an elven bard singing Iron Maiden as a counter-song. And he did it at the table.
The description of how Zeus literally kicked Tandem's ass off Olympus for boning one of his daughters (he thinks it was Athena, but he was pretty drunk at the time), which is hilariously hypocritical considering it's Zeus, the patron God of Really Gets Around himself.
The multiple Not Making This Up Disclaimers he gives for "Castle Greyhawk", including the legendary mage Mordenkainen is a dimensional traveler who films movies in his castle using real monsters, an encounter with the cast of Star Trek (complete with phasers), and getting into a fight with Thor because you walk into his dressing room.
Moments later, when they read that the Rod of Manure lets one control manure, they start trying to figure out how the hell that works and settle on the image of doing the Indian Snake Charmer routine...with poop.
Their rendition of Hinsty David showing off the golem to Mr. Mockingham.
Spoony: Mr. Mockingham, you've gotta come! Look what I did!! I made a golem out of shit!! Bennett(near tears): Not just any shit! Are you sitting down? Both(in unison): MAGIC DOG SHIT!! Spoony: It moves! It was devastating!
Spoony's fascination with the "double club." And then he and Bennett spend ages thinking up double version of other weapons.
While the Thieves' World story gets really dark, really fast, the story of some no name idiot mage throwing a bottle of acid at Tempus Thales face still had me laughing for five minutes straight. It couldn't have been a better punchline if Spoony had planned it because it was all set up perfectly, from the minor tangent early on talking about the devious horror of chucking flasks of acid at people in combat, to the descriptions of how he reacted to getting acid in the face, it will leave you gasping for breath.
He got a flask of acid to the face- there's no good way to take that!
What makes that particular moment even more hilarious is that, usually it's impossible to hit Tempus Thales, and in fact, Spoony intended to have him dodge the flask or simply get hit in the chest and shrug it off as a mild annoyance. The problem was that the mage - precisely at that place and at that time - rolled a crit. Spoony proceeds to reenact his reaction to it by facepalming and going "Oh... oh no...".
Just the way he describes the reactions of the PCs during that moment is gold.
Mage: I-I thought it was cultists! Other PC: Well, obviously fucking NOT!!
The other players extensively debating ways to collect the bounty on their mage friend without being double-crossed, while standing right next to him. Especially this part:
Mage: Guys, there's no way Tempus Thales is going to let you live even if you give me to him. Other PC: Yeah, you're right. But on the other hand, ten thousand gold pieces! Mage: Yeah...
Spoony going from describing Tempus skullfucking a bar maiden to death to realizing Oreo is off in the corner having a dream.
Spoony's subsequent horror at "unleashing the darkness" due to his players responding to the above by committing even worse atrocities.
Spoony constantly making fun of Matthew's "I'm not that kind of a thief", turning it into a Running Gag thorough the story.
Spoony: I just remembered, it was Matthew who was the first to die (killed by Tempus Thales in the final Boss Fight). Guess he wasn't the kind of thief who fights well.
His frustration with the player who created a character devoted with the goddess of death, who was always brooding and even seeking out corpses to sing her praises over. He was only kept around because he could heal people; and even then he would only heal them if they would promise to say a prayer to the goddess.
Spoony: Ugh. (bored monotone) "I pledge allegiance to the Reaper..."
Spoony: A Chaotic Neutral character could very well burn down the orphanage, I would be like "Why did you do that!?" and they would be like "*Shrug* Eh.". *Shrugs* I can't argue with that!
An especially flaky player in the same Thieves World game once called in to say he'd be late, because he had to go back home to get his pants. "It's so stupid, it had to be true" and Noah spends the next 15 seconds assuring us that he didn't make it up.
After Gary's wife turned out to be horribly racist, one of his friends developed a complete Bile Fascination with it and kept trying to get her to keep talking about it.
Spoony's completely baffled reaction to why said wife even felt comfortable with sharing her extreme viewpoint with him, a complete stranger.
Spoony:I guess I'm a fucking Nazi!
And then he tells her that the friend she calls a wetback (i.e. Mexican) is actually Polish, and that on top of being a racist she was also massively stupid.
The title of the Vlog alone is comedy gold. "The Importance of Wearing Pants."
Oreo randomly licking Burton's arm near the beginning.
In Dungeon Mastering A Great Game, he provides a tip for dealing with players addressing a Plot Hole: simply saying "Yes, that is odd..." or a similar phrase (coupled to an enigmatic smile) can turn an immersion-breaking error into an Oh, Crap moment, getting the players paranoid that things aren't what they seem.
A wizard once mocked his half-orc thief that a six-foot six, burly half-orc was the least stealthy character possible and couldn't steal anything. Spoony responds by promptly clubbing the wizard over the head, mugging the guy, and tell the other party members to tell the wizard when he wakes up that he stole the guy's money, demonstrating that he wasn't that kind of thief.
The recounting of "The Greatest Swordsman in the World". A single boast by Tandem the Spoony pisses off the wrong guy, a dedicated sword specialist, who felt his honour was sullied. He challenges Tandem to a duel to first blood - he botches, losing his sword, as Tandem gets a crit. He concedes, but follows Tandem around, asserting his boast around powerful fighters in hopes to get him killed. However, he wins every battle, even managing through luck and guile to defeat a gigantic, tree-wielding gladiator by crippling his primary arm and finishing him off with Death By A Thousand Cuts. The gobsmacked specialist never bothered him again. Doubles as a Crowning Moment of Awesome.
Spoony tells this story to fill time while Big Mike sets up the game. Then in a Brick Joke as soon as the game starts and You All Meet in an Inn, Spoony introduces himself to the others as "Hi, I'm Tandem...the Greatest Swordsman in the World!" (audience laughter)
People in the crowd keep calling out references to Spoony's Ultima IX review, especially "What's a paladin?"; sometimes this is funny but other times it's just annoying. Then a few minutes later, Spoony tops them all when the DM says that the campaign is set in a land called "Britannia" and the crowd reacts...
DM: That wasn't deliberate, Spoony. Spoony: No, it's okay. I have an advantage. After all, my knowledge of the land shall be great!
Spoony looks at his skills and is pissed that Big Mike gave him 0 in Thievery...but on the other hand, he has 12 ranks in Science. One has to wonder if Big Mike knew what he was doing with that one.
When Spoony reads this out, the crowd cheers and a fan yells "Science" in a Doctor Insano voice.
Early in the adventure, the quartet decides to find a prostitute in order to get information. One of the adventurers decides to step into the center of town and yell "I require a prostitute!". Later, they see a suspicious-looking man who they steal a scroll from, only to find it is instructions for a role-playing game; earning a "What?!" from the party.
DM: Congratulations guys, you mugged a bunch of Dungeons and Dragons geeks.
As they're leaving, Roo uses the Mage Hand spell to turn one of the geeks' rolls into 1; they can hear the sounds of the players shouting from outside.
And when they first hear the rumor about robed figures carrying sacks around town, Spoony speaks up to ask "are they alchemist-sized bundles?"
When the party releases the missing alchemists, Big Mike says that one of them comes up to the group, with a mane of wild white hair looking bug-eyed. Spoony calls out "Marty! You've gotta come back with me! Its your kids!", and Big Mike admits that this is exactly the joke he was making, and Spoony's impression is better.
When Roo tries to ask where the missing alchemists were last seen, Big Mike tells him he didn't think to ask the employer before he left. Roo then says "okay, so we burn the town to the ground-" (*Big Mike Facepalms*) "and when it's done, the alchemists will be in the ashes!"
Linkara accidentally killing an opponent he tried to immobilize with an arrow tothe knee. The arrow alone wouldn't have killed it, but the fact that his opponent had several weapons stuck in his hide and a bag full of crushed glass in his face thanks to Spoony, combined with the shot to the knee being a critical hit, caused the opponent to fall over front first, impaling himself on the weapons.
When they are trying to return the girl to her father, Spoony decides to distracted by "dedicating a song to her" while she's talking to a man in red robes. When they ask about the man's importance to the quest, Spoony's first words are:
Spoony: Get lost, Nerd!
On top of that, Spoony's song starts with "She's a very special girl, the kind of girl you don't bring home to Mother...and soon she's gonna be in a burlap sack and sent back home to her dad". He then belts out the chorus of Rick James' "Super Freak".
Better yet, the group argues about whether to tell the leader of the guild the truth (they knocked his daughter unconcious after she drugged and stole from them, then tossed her in a burlap sack) or lie (and blame the guy that she was with, whom they incidentally knock out in front of the leader).
Spoony's reminder that, as he decides to insult the dragon, he is firmly behind a tree. When the dragon snorts and flies into the air, he further comments "I know where he's going with this, which is why I'm still behind the tree."
When the dragon uses his breath weapon on Spoony (actually just an illusionary image of him), Big Mike (the DM) rolls:
Spoony: BOTCH!*stands up*GREATEST IN THE WORLD!*starts chanting "Yes! Yes! along with the audience* Big Mike: Spoony... please look a little closer at the dice. It's a seven. Spoony:*deflated* Oooh... *beat* You still miss, bitch. Big Mike:*dejected* Yes, I do...
A lot of the hilarity at the end is Big Mike losing it as his dragon comes closer and closer to death. When Roo lands the finishing blow, Big Mike responds by calmly turning off his microphone, getting out of his chair, walking over to the wall, and proclaiming his displeasure to it.
Another amusing note from the crowd after everyone began to hit the fallen dragon's spine, "I DUB THIS PARTY 'SPINAL TAP'!"
When Tandem the Spoony gets a critical hit on the dragon's spine, the callback to 'greatest swordsman in the world' and Tandem's crazy luck:
Spoony: I told you! Big Mike: I didn't believe you! Spoony: Nobody does!
The moment when Big Mike's campain started coming completely undone: In the middle of the black dragon's speech to its minions...
Spoony: ExCUSE me! Big Mike: Oh, for fuck's sake!
From Never Get On The Boat:
Spoony trying to stand back up a Team Rocket stand that fell over before just casually tossing them aside.
Spoony: Team Rocket's blasting off again!
His talk on Takos. "I don't know what it is but I want it! There's a male tako and a female tako. I could go for some tacos right now!"
The way he keeps saying "Giant FUCKING Octopus!" in a pissed off tone near the beginning.
Generally, the way he portrays DMs as Admiring the Abomination as they gleefully look up "interesting" aquatic monsters to throw at the players.
The titular Bardic Knock Spell, which consists of simply knocking on a locked door and punching the person who opens up.
In "Hey Fatty! Let's Go To Mordor!", Spoony discusses the problem of setting a game in a franchise where the players already know what's going to happen and who turns out to be a bad guy, such as Babylon 5:
He then talks about using an Alternate History type setting where there are recognisable characters but they might not turn out the same way as the original, and suggests that Mr Morden could turn out to be 'a harmless encyclopaedia salesman'.
His rebuttal to arguments that the Fellowship of the Ring should have rode the eagles to Mount Doom: Sauron would've easily seen them coming and annihilate them with the Fell Beasts.
Although, I would have loved to see them try that. If there was, like, if they were all full of assholes who were like "Yeah, let's do this and fuck up Spoony's game," I'd have fuckin' wasted you and I would have laaaaaughed doing it!
After ranting for over two hours about every topic that popped into his head, he finishes by summarizing it thusly: "Cyclops is a douchebag, Call of Cthulhu, awesome."
"Thou Shalt Not Fuck With the Lady of Pain": "Ah, Jessie, you top-heavy bitch."
The description of a succubus in "Beware Women, for They Come from Hell":
"In case you don't know what a succubus is — you probably have a fairly good idea — but what she is is a sex devil! They take your soul by fucking you! They suck your soul out through your dick! That's what they do!"
In "Laundry Day in the Tower of High Sorcery", we start out with Spoony obsessing over the D&D Ninjas handbook, wondering aloud why he never rolled a Ninja, then getting more and more convinced Ninjas were meant to be a practical joke, as their skills included Giant Kite Flying.
Suggesting the only reason why anyone would choose to be explicitly evil was so they had easier time on laundry day (they get black robes). Then suggesting the evil wizards would throw in a neutral wizard's red robe in with the good wizards' white robes to make them pink as a prank.
One of Spoony's descriptions of things an evil person would do is "You would kill a man for a ham sandwich.", said in an honestly disapproving tone.
"People don't change their gods like they change their pants!"
Oreo's interventions in "Counter Monkey Punk" are even more hilarious than usual, looking plaintively into the camera even when Spoony's looking away, 'reading' Spoony's Cyberpunk source books when he's trying to leaf through them, and jumping up into his lap at just the right moment to surprise him into losing his train of thought.
Spoony's rant about how a later edition of Cyberpunk (specifically, Cyberpunk V3) replaced the line drawn character art of the first edition with 'green photos of dressed-up action figures' and how this meant it was impossible for anyone not already familiar with the game to take it seriously.
Here's a link to some of the art,◊ just so you can understand what Spoony's going on about. All of those are from the actual book. Somehow, looking at it makes it funnier and even sadder at the same time.
The title in a meta sort of way, for being a reference that has nothing to do with the video, isn't brought up in it, and few people are going to get.
"Connection Time Out" has Oreo just rising into the shot approximately six minutes in.
In "Cthulhupunk", Spoony makes a "Bees.My God." joke concerning, well, a deadly bee weapon.
"The Jedi Hunter":
Crazy Mike, given a Surfer Dude voice by Spoony, is described as being "a half-Keanu".
Spoony's impression of a Jedi Holocron speaking with a Yoda voice.
"By the way, those robes light up real good, don't they?"
He refers to the Sith Lord they were fighting as "Darth Fuckyouupicus" and later "Darth Kickyouassicus".
The Running Gag of Spoony saying "I'm glad you asked that!" to Crazy Mike, who then goes Oh, Crap as Spoony pulls out yet another gadget he found in the technology sourcebook.
(While talking about the Expanded Universe's obsession with superweapons) "There was this guy who turned Sith and stole the Sun Crusher and started...crushin' suns."
He talks about stun and kill settings on blasters in Star Wars and then contrasts it with Star Trek, mentioning that in the recent reboot it's now colour coded: "Blue for stun, and red for OUCH!"
His April 1st video "Gary Gygax Interview" is essentially one giant self parody where Spoony makes fun of just about every common occurrence in his CM videos including going on tangents about obscure RPGs and at one point actively encouraging Oreo to "come over here and disrupt everything".
When ranting about crystal dice, Spoony recounts a story of a player who kept rolling the d8 instead of the d10 all day. The funniest part is that he points at the d6 instead of the d8 while saying this, which pretty much proves his point about the various crystal dice being very difficult to tell apart.
Spoony's constant battles with the auto-focus. Especially funny if you watch Stuart Ashen's videos, where this has become a Running Gag, and are now watching Spoony discover the same problems for himself for the first time.
Bringing up the Fridge Logic of a glow-in-the-dark die since in order to see it glow you wouldn't be able to see your character sheet.
In "Spoony Gets Mazed," his reaction upon being eaten by the Dragon after almost making it.
Referencing Linkara's 'don't you know anything about science?'
In "Childe Spoony to the Dark Tower Came":
The unintentional Running Gag of Spoony getting abruptly pounced on by a dragon and becoming pissed off, as in the last board game.
Spoony talks about how the game is a rare collector's item and casually adds that he killed a guy to get his copy.
When the Dark Tower breaks down early on and Spoony has to fix it, he cuts away to bizarre 80s adverts for both the Dark Tower and the D&D game from last time.
In "Shadowrun: The Code", he is pissed with the players derailing his game so badly after the hard work he put into giving them a cool adventure, not to mention their slaughter of nine security guards and janitors, that when they enter the sewers he tells them that the Cyber Psycho Squad is waiting for them. "Their assholes dilate so tight they could crush coal into diamonds...not all of them are gonna die. Just most of them. And that's the point. That's The Code."
Spoony getting increasingly annoyed at the players insistence that they should find a secret exit out of the museum on the map. A public map. Like the ones you get at the zoo with cartoon elephants pointing at the exhibits.
"Eight successes"! *Flips the double bird to the camera with a little Angrish* You could have rolled eight hundred successes, dickweed! The cartoon elephants aren't going to reveal a secret fucking door!
Noticing that one of the players had loaded his shotgun with dragons breath shells. On mission to rob a public museum. Resulting in one security guard having his leg burned off. What sells it is his impression of how the player reacted towards to Spoony's incredulity.
Also trying to remember who of the party members it was and after a short while recalling that it was the Elf-before immediately reprimanding himself for referring to player characters by their job, or worse, race because it's bad form.
His amusement at The Undertaker having a Strength score of 21 in the Know Your Role RPG book. He even goes rummaging through his d20 books to see how that translates to lifting power. And later, when he gets to Big Show's stat block:
Before that, Spoony talks about an old e-fed (think role playing but with wrestling) he was in. One of his characters was "The Ring Crew Guy", who is literally just the guy who cleans the ring. He was intended to be a complete Jobber who wasn't even supposed to wrestle. He got beat up by heels after they lost a match, and then he would be booked in matches inexplicably, in which he would lose some more. Strangely enough, people liked him a lot just because the character was so ridiculous. Eventually, he was offered a tag team title shot if he could find a partner, and despite the fact that he NEVER wanted to win, got paired up with the Big Good Hulk Hogan Expy. He won the tag team title by having his unconscious body thrown on his opponent.
At the start of the vid he's reading the flavor text on the back of the book which narrates the famous Undertaker vs Yokozuka casket match. When he reads "Yokozuka attacked without warning", he pauses to question how someone like Yokozuka is supposed to "sneak up" on someone. "He's a five-hundred-and-seven-thousand-pound..."
From the "The Dirtiest Book in this Game" two-parter:
The extended game of 'guess the appearance score,' a stat which Spoony construes as a "how likely are you to have sex with this creature" score. The variance of the scores leads to lots of comedy and equal amounts of Squick. It sees humans as the baseline at 10, elves coming in at 14, some dragons pushing 18, and a unicorn reaching 24 (out of a theoretical maximum of 25 or so). It has a gelatinous cube make a showing at 2. It also has a black pudding's appearance score as a shameful negative 1.
Spoony reads off a list of fantasy sexually translated diseases, in the same tone as the pornographic films of John T-Bone from the Lethal Games review. Then he gets to one called "Whore's Delight" and starts singing "Rapper's Delight".
Spoony: I said a hip hop a hippie to the hippie to the hip hip hop, you don't stop...
Explaining why the Tantric Mage is the worst class because they require having sex to renew their powers — which due to the logistics of most adventures would mean doing it within sight of his companions for hours.
To get his fireballs back he has to get his fireballs off!
I'VE GOT PLACES TO BE!
Realizing that he's digging himself deeper the more he complains about the feats that let you extend a sexual act for ludicrous amounts of time.
Also, his short-lived "realistic campaign" pirate - swung over to the opposing ship, flourished his cutlass... Boom, Headshot. Dead in the first round.
Likely not an intentional example, but he comments about how when you've got a Superman-esque boy scout character in the party, you shouldn't throw acid in people's faces. Considering how his Thieves' World campaign all started with one of the PCs throwing acid in somebody's face, that may have hit closer to home than it meant to.
The introduction of "Rrerrh the Ranger." Spoony feels the need to ask Coldguy if that's the necessary pronunciation.
Magnus tries to stabilize Gustav, but fails. Drama collapses as the death marker appears on the wrong party member.
Sean Fausz: I'm not dead! Fuck you!
"Our old friends were too squishy. We need new friends."
Early on, after mentioning that Marzgurl was absent again due to computer troubles, Spoony gets the idea to contact her by phone (by text or voice) to see if she can somehow participate. Numerous jokes stem from the concept.