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Par for the series in general, there were quite a few ridiculously funny moments in this installment of The Dresden Files. WARNING: Unmarked spoilers below!


  • This novel provides quite possibly the best opening line in the history of literature: "The building was on fire, and it wasn't my fault."
    • Followed by Thomas and Harry being chased by demon monkeys. Flinging incendiary poo.
  • Harry explaining to Thomas that his life isn't all "feuding demigods and nations at war"
    Thomas: It's also about mold demons and flaming monkey poo?
    Harry: What can I say? I put the 'ick' in 'magic.'
  • Harry bemoans the fact he makes more cash dealing with flaming monkey crap then he does literally saving the world.
  • Harry's brief summary of why he and Thomas get along so well:
  • A subtle Stealth Pun: The gym where Murphy trains in martial arts is called "Dough Joe's." Or, "dojo."
  • When Bob is talking about Arturo's "critically-acclaimed" erotic movies.
    "Four stars, four boners. What's the difference?"
    I wasn't even going to touch that one.
  • Harry's response to a rude "actor" at the studio:
    "Who the hell are you?" he growled.
    "I the hell am Harry," I said.
    He pulled out his own gym bag and slammed the car door closed. "You always a wiseass?"
    "No. Sometimes I'm asleep."
    • This gem a few minutes after that introduction:
      Harry: (to Jake) He thought I was a stunt penis?
    • Later, after Bobby apologizes and Harry finds out what he's really like:
      Now that he wasn't threatening violence, I could see that this kid was a jewel. He could potentially provide some lucky wiseass with straight lines for the rest of his natural life, and you can't put a price on that.
  • Murphy yet again mocking Harry's chivalry. While talking to her over the phone about Arturo Genosa, Harry is reluctant to say any words related to a certain female body part, rationalizing "A gentleman just doesn't say some words in front of a lady." That doesn't stop him from holding the phone with his shoulder and gesturing despite her not being in the room. Murphy is only too happy to disabuse him of his notion.
    Harry: He doesn't believe in using surgically altered... uh... You know.
    Murphy: (brightly) Boobs? Jugs? Hooters? Ya-yas?
    Harry: I guess.
    Murphy: Melons? Torpedoes? Tits? Gazongas? Knockers? Ta-tas?
    Harry: (incredibly embarrassed) Hell's bells, Murph!
    Murphy: (laughs) You're cute when you're embarrassed.
  • Something of a Meta Crowning Moment of Funny, but hearing James Marsters (the voice of all the audiobooks other than the first recording of Ghost Story) do the voice of Trixie Vixen is just plain hilarious, even discounting how silly most of Trixie's lines are to begin with.
    • invoked On a similarly metatextual level, Harry snarkily calling Thomas "kid" during the first few chapters of this novel becomes rather amusing after The Reveal roughly halfway through the novel that Thomas is actually Harry's older half-brother.
  • "We were dealing with a succubus. Or more than one, which for grammatical reasons I hoped was not the case."note 
  • The first "proper" meeting of Harry and Lara. After accepting a job for Thomas that has gone thoroughly south, he ended so pissed over the con that he decided to have a "talk" with him (read: beat him up and demand some straight answers). Lara decided to intervene, using a pair of miniature guns and her glamour, but it fails against Harry's Heroic Willpower. After a second try also goes nowhere:
    Lara: Empty night. You are Harry Dresden.
    Harry: Don't feel bad. I cleverly concealed my identity as Harry the Production Assistant.
    Lara: Why are you threatening my brother?
    Harry: It was a slow night and everyone else was busy.
    Lara: [casually shoots him in the ear]
  • The entropy curse itself — a very nasty spell that alters probability to cause fatal accidents — is usually pretty hilarious since it can cause deaths sillier than what you'd see in Final Destination. Easily one of the best moments in the entire franchise is when in the middle of a melee, Harry channels the curse away from its intended target and toward a vampire that's currently attacking his side. A moment later, the targeted vamp is crushed. By a twenty-pound frozen turkey falling from a passing airplane. With the drumstick tips wrapped in red tinfoil. And then the timer pops-out with a ding.
    Everyone stopped to blink at that for a second. I mean, come on. Impaled by a guided frozen turkey missile. Even by the standards of the quasi-immortal creatures of the night, that ain't something you see twice.
    "For my next trick," I panted into the startled silence, "anvils."
    • And although it happened off screen, one of the first things the entropy curse did was cause someone to get hit by a car. While she was water skiing. Another one opened the trunk of a car to get some golf clubs, and twenty thousand bees flew out to sting her.
  • After Thomas tells Harry they're half-brothers and he refuses to believe him, he and Harry get into a minor fight and the former gets the latter in an armlock and Harry responds by sinking his teeth into the offending arm. That's the point where the reader will probably stop reading for a second to appreciate the fact that yes, Harry Dresden did just bite a vampire.
  • Harry sends Bob out for recon. Bob, being Bob, spends all of his time scouting out strip clubs. The exchange that follows is one of Butcher's best gems:
    I narrowed my eyes and took deep breaths. It didn't really stop my anger from rising but it made it happen a little more smoothly.
    "A- and you will be glad to know that every exotic dancer in Chicago is alive and well. Safeguarded by your friendly neighborhood air spirit," Bob said. "Um. Say, Harry, that is quite the homicidal gleam in your eye."
    I took off my coat and looked around the lab until I located my clawhammer. I picked it up.
    Bob's voice gained a hurried, stammering edge. "And while I know that wasn't exactly the mission you sent me out on, you have to admit that it was really quite a noble purpose that totally supported your quest to preserve life."
    I took a practice swing with the hammer. I took my duster off, folded it, laid it over the table, and tried again. Much better. I fixed a murderous gaze on the skull on the shelf.
    "Gee, uh, Harry," Bob said. "I was just doing the breast job I co-best, best! The best job I could!"
    "Bob," I said, in a very reasonable tone of voice, "I don't need to know about strippers. I need to know about Mavra."
    "Well. Yes, of course, boss. Um, so I noticed that you're holding that hammer. And that your knuckles are turning kind of white there. And that you look sort of tense."
    "Don't worry," I said. "I'm going to feel a lot better in a minute."
    "Ha," Bob said in a nervous false laugh. "Ha-ha. Ha. That's funny, Harry."
    I raised the hammer. "Bob," I said, "get your ethereal ass out of that skull. And back into Mister. And you get out on the street and find Mavra before high noon or I'm going to smash your skull into freaking powder!"
    "But I'm tired and it's raining and I don't know if-"
    I raised the hammer and took a step forward.
    "Ack!" Bob choked. The cloud of orange lights spilled out of the skull in a hurried rush and zipped back up the stairs.
  • This amazing conversation about Murphy and her motorcycle when she and Harry are meeting up with Kincaid to discuss how they're going to take out Mavra.
    Murphy swung off the bike and took off her helmet. She shook out her golden hair, which looked good when it was somewhat mussed. "Good morning, Harry."
    At the sound of her voice, the puppy I'd been carrying in my pocket started thrashing around until he managed to stick his head out, panting happily up at Murphy. "Morning," I said. "You sound pretty chipper."
    "I am," she answered. She scratched the puppy's head. "Sometimes I forget how much I like riding the bike."
    "Most chicks do," I said. "Roar of the engine and so on."
    Murphy's blue eyes glittered with annoyance and anticipation. "Pig. You really enjoy dropping all women together in the same demographic, don't you?"
    "It's not my fault all women like motorcycles, Murph. They're basically huge vibrators. With wheels."
    She tried for an angry expression, but part of a laugh escaped her throat, and she let it turn into a wide smile. "You're bent, Dresden."
  • When Harry, Murphy, and Kincaid are sitting down at breakfast to discuss the hit on Mavra's safehouse, Murphy reaches for her chair, and Kincaid stands up politely, like a proper gentleman. After she glares at him for the unwanted chivalry, he sits down, and she reaches for the chair again. Then Harry gets up. She rolls her eyes at him and says that "It's not chivalry if you're just doing it to be a wiseass." A small scene, but still hilarious.
  • When Ebenezar arrives, he remarks that Harry seems to have gotten sloppy in his Morse code, as he tapped out "Blampires" instead of "vampires." Harry then says he did that on purpose, as a portmanteau for Black Court Vampires. After Ebenezar complains about this, he then just grumbles under his breath as Harry cheerfully Trolls him by listing off every possible acronym he could think of off the top of his head.
  • Murphy's reaction to Harry calling Ebenezar "Sir." Namely, she drops her change of clothes, turns to him in undisguised shock, and whispers "Sir?" to a now-embarrassed Harry.
    • To elaborate, this is the same Harry Dresden who snarks off to everything he sees as a matter of course, who once justified being a wise-ass to a Physical God by the fact that he'd snarked at every other supernatural power he's encountered already. One can almost hear Murphy thinking, "Who the hell is this guy that can make Harry behave?!" From then and on, Murphy basically treats Ebenezar as if he's on the same level as the Pope.
    • Moments before this, Murphy asks incredulously if Ebenezar's Cool Car - an old, old Ford pickup - runs on coal.
  • invoked "Ah, yes, the Bolshevik Muppet solution." Doubles as a Moment of Awesome and Brick Joke when Harry yells "Bolshevik Muppet!" to alert Kincaid just before setting off the land mine - especially since Kincaid immediately understands and reacts appropriately.
  • Harry looking over Kincaid's vampire-slaying arsenal. After comparing his staff to Kincaid's awesome high-tech explosive polearm:
  • Harry making another Looney Tunes reference as they're suiting up to fight the Black Court vampires.
    "Spear and magic helmet," I said in my best Elmer Fudd voice. "Be vewy, vewy quiet. We're hunting vampires."
  • Harry's completely irrelevant question right before he, Kincaid, Murphy and Ebenezar all go up against Mavra's scourge.
    "Okay," Kincaid said. "Anyone have any questions?"
    "Why do they sell hot dogs in packages of ten but hot dog buns in packages of eight?" I said.
    Everyone glared at me. I should probably leave off wizarding and chase my dream of becoming a stand-up comedian.
  • Murphy plus pink panties with little white bows equals absolute hilarity. Harry even mentions later that nothing is going to top seeing her fighting vampires in her underwear for the rest of his life.
  • Harry discovers that despite being found in extremely suspicious circumstances he doesn't need to worry about the police... because the person trying to frame him is so stupid and self-absorbed that she can't remember Harry's name, and tells the police that he was using the alias "Barry" or "Larry".
  • With two injured people (one with a gunshot wound) and a dead body on the scene, Lara wants to cover up the situation and Murphy wants to call the police despite the time crunch, looking to Harry to break the tie.
    Harry: Hey, telling the truth keeps getting me put in jail. And the last time I tried to engineer a cover-up, I wound up cleverly running off with the murder weapon and covering it with my prints before handing it over to someone who thought I was a murderer at the time. So don't look at me.
  • Murphy commenting that she's feeling repressed, stuck fulfilling the Damsel in Distress stereotype. Then she calls Lord Raith a little prick.
  • Harry, upon entering The Deeps.
    I'd been in a few caves that were the headquarters for dark magic and those who trafficked in it. None of them had been warm. None of them had been pleasant. And none of them had been professionally decorated.
    Until now.
  • Harry referring to Trixie Vixen as a "self-deluded, half-witted schlong-jockey."
  • Harry mouths off to the brainwashed bodyguard to distract her until Murphy snaps her neck with a single kick.
    Harry: Took you long enough. I was going to run out of actual sentences and just start screaming incoherently.
    Murphy: That's what happens when your vocabulary count is lower than your bowling average.
    Harry: Me not like woman with smart mouth. Woman shut smart mouth and get me free or no wild monkey love for you.
  • Harry has just agreed to let Thomas stay with him a bit. In addition, he has spent most of the book accompanied by Mouse, who at this point is a little puppy who has been riding comfortably in Dresden's coat pocket. Harry is musing that sure, it's going to be a little tighter of a fit in his small apartment with Thomas around, but it won't be so bad, ending his monologue with a note that Mouse won't take up much room. Then Thomas gets home with the groceries, cueing this gem.

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