- To give you some perspective on the movie, about 10 seconds of the movie, nine seconds in... is the only part that's not hilarious. Think about that for a second.
- "Am I wrong, or is the world... rising?"
- "And now, from the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke... (a bundle of lit dynamite sticks is tossed through the window) ...and duck!"
- "Mongo only pawn in game of life."
- Sheriff Bart stops an elderly woman on the street to politely say good morning and her response is very... politically incorrect, at best. Mel Brooks is the only person who could make "Up yours, nigger!" funny enough to cause pants-changing.
- The campfire scene. Cowboys + baked beans...
- One of the first fart jokes on film. As Mel Brooks himself once said, "It truly broke ground, and it broke wind."
Lyle: How about some more beans, Mr. Taggart?
Taggart: I'd say you've had enough! *Waving off the stink with his hat*
- Bart and Jim trying to infiltrate Hedy's gang:
: Qualifications? "Klansman"!Bart:
Stampedin' cattle. Hedley:
That's not much of a crime. "Klansman"!Bart:
...through the Vatican? Hedley: Kinky!
Sign here. (Bart goes to sign the paper, but accidentally reveals his obviously African-American hands) "Klansman"!Jim: (panicking)
Why, Rhett! What have I told you about washing up after a weekly cross burning?! (flips up to show Bart's lighter-colored palms)See, its coming off. (Taggart whips off the hood to reveal Bart) Bart:
And now, for my next impression...Jesse Owens! (runs away) Hedley: (as the rest of the hired goons give chase)
Catch them! SEIZE THEM!! Taggart: (shouting right next to Hedley's ear)
WE'LL HEAD 'EM OFF AT THE PASS!! Hedley
: (cringing in disgust)
..."Head them off at the pass?" I HATE
that cliche! (shoots Taggart in the foot)
- A cut extension of the sequence has Hedley yell "HEAD 'EM OFF AT THE PASS!!" immediately afterwards, and shows the whole chase, which ends after Bart and Jim lose the gang with a Road Sign Reversal. They end up blundering on some church picnic by a lake, and manage to blend in with the Ku Klux Klan robes.
- The whole scene with all the gangs is just fantastic:
Hedley Lamarr: Qualifications?
Applicant: Rape, murder, arson, and rape.
Hedley Lamarr: You said rape twice.
Applicant: I like rape.
- An applicant starting to sign in when Hedley Lamarr notices he's chewing gum
Hedley: Gum eh, well I hope you brought enough for everybody!
Applicant: (Stammering) I...I didn't know there was gonna be so many! (Hedley promptly shoots him)
Jim: Boy, is he strict!
- "Have a nice day. :)◊"
- IT'S HEDLEY!
- Waco Kid: You've got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know... morons.
- Apparently, the "morons" part of the line was ad-libbed, and you can clearly see Cleavon Little struggling not to crack up right there.
- Mongo punching a horse.
- Salesman: Now gather 'round here folks and... [spots Mongo] HOLY SHIT!!!
- Waco Kid's advice to Bart as he goes to grab his guns:
Waco Kid: No, no, don't do that. Don't do that, if you shoot him, you'll just make him mad.
- Bart's face going straight from a cocky "I've got this." grin to a major Oh Crap! expression just makes it better.
- Reverend Johnson tries to talk down the bloodthirsty crowd after seeing Bart as their new sheriff. He holds up his bible...and someone in the crowd shoots it to pulp.
- The hostage sequence has to be seen to be believed.
- "...our town is turning into shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit..."
- Hedley's glorious New Era Speech / Chewing the Scenery scene: "You will only be risking your lives, whilst I shall almost certainly be risking an Academy Award nomination for Best Supporting Actor!!"
- "...Ass-kickers, shit-kickers, AND METHODISTS!!"
- And during the whole increasingly Large Ham list, Taggart has been trying to find a paper and pencil, finally coming up with them right as Hedley finishes. "Could you repeat that, sir?"
- The Final Battle at the end that blows the fourth wall into tiny little fragments and does a tap-dance on the ruins. Particularly memorable is when the brawl spills over into the Camp Gay musical one studio over. And of course, the lunchroom of actors including an off-duty Adolf Hitler.
"They lose me after the bunker scene."
- And everyone get caught in the food fight, including Tarzan!
- The actor playing Hitler is in the food fight too, but he isn't fighting; he's just standing up on a table doing a Nazi salute over and over again.
- "Nevermind that shit, HERE COMES MONGO!"
- "I must've killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille."
- " The town saloon was always lively / But never nasty or obscene / Behind the bar stood Anal Johnson / He always kept things nice and clean" *BELCH* *SPIT*
- "You know, Nietzsche says, "Out of chaos comes order."" "Oh, blow it out yer ass, Howard!"
- Bart approaches Rock Ridge:
"Hey! The sheriff is a nig-" *bell rings*
"What'd he say?"
"He said the sheriff is near!"
"No, goldangit dangblammit! The sheriff is a NIG-" *bell rings*
- Camptown Ladies.
- "What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here?!"
- "I hired you to get a little track laid, not to dance around like a buncha Kansas City faggots!"
- Right before that, when, in response to a request for a "nigger work song", Bart and the workers respond with a lovely a capella version of "I Get a Kick Out of You" by Cole Porter.
- "Hold it, hold it, what the hell is that shit?"
- Hey, where da white women at?
- Right when Hedley is about to start the attack on Rock Ridge:
: Now Repeat After Me
: "I..." Thugs
: I... Hedley
: ...your name
: Your name
: (under his breath)
Schmucks... (aloud) Pledge allegiance... Thugs
: Pledge allegiance... Hedley
: To Hedley Lamarr... Thugs
: To Hedy Lamarr... Hedley
: That's HEDLEY! Thugs
: That's HEDLEY!
- "As chairman of the welcoming commitee, it is my privilege to extend a laurel, and hardy handshake to our new..... *sees Bart* nigger."
- The whole swearing part.
- Gabby Johnson and his authentic frontier gibberish.
- Now who can argue with that?
- Also the gag where he incapacitates a thug by breathing in the man's face.
- The musical number scene when the fight spills over into other productions.
Director: Shit. Have you got it?!
Director: Sounds like steam escaping.
Director: What in the hell do you think you're doing here?! This is a closed set!
Taggart: Piss on you, I'm working for Mel Brooks!
Director: (Cringes) Not in the face! (Taggart punches him in the stomach, he stumbles) Thank you (Drop)
Dancer: They hit Buddy! (to rest of the trope) C'mon girls! (They join in on the fight)
- The conversation between Bart and the Waco Kid:
Bart: Steady as a rock.
The Waco Kid: Yeah, but I shoot with this hand. (Holds up shaking left hand)
- The hangman performance. All three of them.
- The April in Paris scene. So damn strange, it makes even LESS sense in context. And it's all the funnier for it.
- "Excuse me while I whip this out..." *GASP*... *whew*
- "They said you was hung!" "And they was right!"
- The Governor's exclamation in the board meeting:
Governor Will J. Le Petomane: HOLY UNDERWEAR! Sheriff murdered?! Innocent women and children blown to bits?! We gotta protect our phoney-baloney jobs! We need to do something about this, IMMEDIATELY! IMMEDIATELY!! IMMEDIATELY!!! Harumph! Harumph! Harumph! (Other staff members start harumphing as well. Singles out one member, pointing at him...) I didn't get a "harumph" outta that guy!
Hedley Lamar: Give the governor a "harumph"!
Board Member: HARUMPH!
- You watch your ass!
- And then there is this:
- The governor to his secretary: "Read it, read it!... You wild bitch."
Hedley Lamarr: My mind is a raging torrent, flooded with rivulets of thought cascading into a waterfall of creative alternatives!
Taggart: Gol durnit, Mr. Lamarr, you use yer tongue prettier than a twenty dollar whore.
(Hedley glares at Taggart)
- After Bart tries to give a rousing speech to the townspeople and fails, he mutters "you'd do it for Randolph Scott".
Townspeople (standing in awe): Randolph Scott!
Chorus: RANDOLPH SCOOOOTT!
- "Where's my froggy?" (after he finds it) "That was a close one..."
- During the climax, Hedley tries to get a student price for his movie ticket:
Cashier: Are you kidding?!
Hedley: (pays the full price) ...Pain in the ass...
- And right when he enters the theater and sits down, he sees Bart ride up to the theater entrance while the main theme plays on a tuba:
(spits out his raisinets) Shit!
- The "I'm So Tired" musical number, but especially these moments:
- "Oh Goddammit, I'm exhausted!"
- Lili, to a cowboy:
Lili: What's your name?
Tex: Tex, ma'am!
Lili: All right, "Tex Ma'am", are you in show business?
Lili: Then why don't you get your fwiggin' feet off the stage! (kicks his feet down; audience hoots and hollers)
- Lili, to another cowboy: "Is that a ten gallon hat, or are you just enjoying the show?"
- Lili humming (badly) to the harmony.
- "Le Petomane Thruway!? Now what'll that asshole think of next?"
- "Anybody got a dime? Someone's gotta go back and get a shitload of dimes!"
- The thugs then proceed to ride through the toll booth one at a time, with none of them considering that this might be a trick and just riding around it.
- This scene:
Bart: (Standing off against Hedley at the Chinese theater) Okay, Lamarr, go for your gun!
Hedley: Wait, wait! I'm unarmed!
Bart: (Tosses away his gun) All right, we'll settle it like men. With our fists..
Hedley: (Pulls out a hidden gun) Sorry, I just remembered. I am armed..
- During the pie fight, Taggart is hurtled to the cash register covered in food.
Cashier: (pointing at each stain) Yankee bean soup, cole slaw, and tuna surprise. (kaching!)
- The local schoolmarm is asked to read a letter she wrote to the governor. When the audience starts complaining about her quiet voice, she apologizes for it, and then continues at volume levels that would make a fire-and-brimstone preacher proud, making everyone in the room jump.
- And of course, the speech itself: "We, the white, God-fearing citizens of Rock Ridge wish to express our extreme displeasure with your choice of sheriff. Please remove him immediately. The fact that you have sent him here just goes to prove that you are the leading asshole in the state."
- This exchange, when Hedley and Taggart are discussing how to run everyone out of Rock Ridge:
Taggart: I got it, I got it! We'll work up a Number Six on them!
Hedley: Number Six? I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that one.
Taggart: That's where we go riding into town, and a-whapping and a-whooping every living thing that moves within an inch of its life! Except the women folks, of course.
Hedley: You spare the women?
Taggart: No, we rape the shit out of them at the Number Six dance later on!
- This scene:
Bart: (whispering) Say, "Hello."
Charlie: (whispering) Hello.
Bart: (whispering) Listen to me, and listen to me good. I want you to get all the brothers together... round up all the lumber, canvas, paint and nails you can lay your hands on... and meet me tonight three miles due east of Rock Ridge at midnight. You understand? Say, "Goodbye."
Charlie: (whispering) Goodbye.
- When Lily wants to have sex with Bart again, he replies, "Baby, please, I am not from Havana."
- When Governor Le Petomane is told that Bart is Rock Ridge's new mayor, he grabs who he thinks is Hedley and says, "Can't you see that man is a ni...", but cuts himself short when he realizes he grabbed Bart instead. Then he grabs Hedley and says the exact same thing, cutting himself off before saying the offending word and everything.
- This exchange:
Bart: Are we awake?
Jim: We're not sure. Are we black?
Bart: Yes, we are.
Jim: Then we're awake. But we're very puzzled.
- Followed by this exchange:
Bart: Okay, Jim. Since you are my guest, and I am your host: What is your pleasure? What do you like to do?
Jim: Oh, I dunno... Play chess... Screw...
Bart: Well, let's play chess.
- Hedley, after being shot and spotting Douglas Fairbanks's feet on the Hollywood Walk of Fame: "How did he do such fantastic stunts with such little feet??!" (dies)
- When the outlaws are attacking the fake townspeople, one of the Dummied Out shots was Le Petomane walking around shaking hands with said fake townspeople, asking them to vote for him.
- Bart's reminiscing about his family's arrival into the West. After "the entire Sioux nation" attacks the colonists, they circle their wagons, but "the white folks didn't let us travel in their circle, so we made our own." Cue Bart's family's wagon rapidly riding in a circle, all by itself.
- Finding out who plays the Sioux War Chief - and how he plays the character - is too funny to describe here.
- "Well, that's the end of this suit!"
- This exchange:
: Can't you see that's the last act of a desperate man? Howard Johnson
: We don't care if it's the first act of Henry V
, we're leaving!