Film: The Last Stand
Cortez: "You fucked up my car."The Last Stand is a 2013 action film centering around Gabriel Cortez (Eduardo Noriega), a third generation cartel leader, who makes a spectacular escape from an FBI prisoner convoy.Cortez is hurtling toward the Mexican border at 200 mph in a specially outfitted car, a Chevrolet Corvette C6 ZR1, with a hostage and a fierce army of gang members. The only thing in his path is a small town and its sheriff, a former LAPD officer named Ray Owens (Arnold Schwarzenegger), and a couple of his deputies.This film marks Arnold Schwarzenegger's first leading role since Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines in 2003, and him working with famed director, Kim Ji-woon. Despite this the film barely made over it's budget at the box office leading to questions about Schwarzenegger's box office drawing power in his post-political and post-divorce career.
Owens: "You fucked up my day off."
Owens: "You fucked up my day off."
-The opening lines of the final confrontation.
This film provides examples of:
- Action Girl: Sarah Torrance.
- Artistic License – Law: Sheriff Ray Owens asks to see Lewis Dinkum's gun permit, then threatens Dinkum with a citation for carrying a large revolver. The film takes place in Arizona, where anyone over the age of 21 may legally carry a concealed firearm without a permit, and where there is no restriction on revolvers, whatever the caliber. No citation could be given to Dinkum unless he is specifically not allowed to own a firearm based on his record.
- Badass Grandpa:
- Since Arnold is now pushing 65 he qualifies for this. He even Lampshades it after he crashes through the front door of the local diner.Man in Diner: How you feeling, Sheriff?
Sheriff Ray Owens: Old.
- Badass Grandma/Badass Bystander/Badass Adorable: The sweet and adorable Mrs. Salazar who blasts a Mook who trespassed in her store/home. Even better, she has an Uberti revolver carbine conveniently within reach right in the knitting basket.Mrs. Salazar: No trespassing!
- Since Arnold is now pushing 65 he qualifies for this. He even Lampshades it after he crashes through the front door of the local diner.
- Beauty Is Never Tarnished: Agent Richards finds herself thrown from a car (much to her surprise) to make her escape more realistic. When she shows up later on you'd expect her to be sporting some facial bad cuts or bruises, maybe even nursing a broken arm. She turns up with slightly dirty clothes and a barely noticeable limp. Her face remains unblemished.
- Big Bad: Gabriel Cortez.
- Big Damn Heroes: Come on, it wouldn't be a Arnold film without this.
- Bond One-Liner: "I'm the Sheriff."
- Bunny-Ears Lawyer: For a Cloudcuckoolander and Gun Nut, Lewis Dinkum knows the firearms regulations like the back of his hand and has the documentation to prove it.
- The Cavalry Arrives Late: Lampshaded as the FBI arrives in town by Martinez: "Heh. Here comes the cavalry..."
- Chekhov's Armory: A literal example in Dinkum's gun collection.
- Chekhov's Gun: At the beginning of the film the mayor gives Owens the keys to his Camaro SS (ZL1!), which comes in handy at the end of the film when Owens needs a car to chase the Big Bad.
- Comedic Sociopathy: Don't ever park your car in the fire lane.
- Cool Car: The "heavily modified" Corvette C6 ZR1, and the Camaro SS ZL1.
- Concealment Equals Cover: The deputy should've been killed by the rifle fire penetrating the car he was hiding behind, and the school bus grants surprising amounts of cover as well.
- Disproportionate Retribution: Played for Laughs. The knitting granny Mrs. Salazar tells a Mook stalking Owens through her shop, "No trespassing!" He just blows her off, so she responds by blowing him away. It's clear she did it for more than that reason, of course, but the Mood Whiplash is what sells the scene.
- The Dragon: Burrel (Peter Stormare).
- Even Evil Has Loved Ones: Cortez had a niece, which he raised as his own child. One night, he was forced to kill her when she held him at gunpoint. Cortez is obviously bitter about having to do this, as seen when he relates this story to Richards.
- Extremely Short Time Span: The movie begins at 8:00 a.m. and finishes the next day before nightfall.
- Five-Man Band: During the climax:
- Flare Gun: Lewis Dinkum shoots a fleeing bad guy with it. The flare ends up igniting his bandolier (which sets off grenades just under said bandolier), which explodes and results in a gory mess.
- Guns Akimbo: A Mook uses this to practical effect by shooting at Frank Martinez and Sarah Torrance.
- Half the Man He Used to Be: One of the mooks gets cut in half by the Vickers gun, and another gets his torso vaporized when his bandolier is ignited by a flare gun.
- Hand Cannon: Lewis Dinkum's Smith and Wesson M500 revolver; he deems himself the only one able to hold and use it. Considering that Jerry nearly breaks his nose from the recoil firing it and then scares everyone else by blindly waving around it in a daze, you can see his point. Of course, he doesn't mind the sheriff using it. Burrel's Colt Dragoon revolver also counts.
- I Call It "Vera": Lewis Dinkum has a habit of naming his favorite firearms (and other things), including his Smith and Wesson M500 revolver "Georgette" and "Vicky" his 1939 Vickers machine gun.Ray: Do you have stupid names for all your shit?
Lewis: Only the shit I love.
- Humiliation Conga: Cortez spends most of the movie as a suave, arrogant, invincible man. He ends it beaten, battered, whining, begging, and being dragged behind Owens's car.
- Idiot Ball: You see a big clandestine nighttime operation run by big bruisers at the end of tracks for a murderer's getaway vehicle and the Sheriff has just ordered you to fall back, you maybe should obey his orders!
Deputy: Get off the street!
- To say nothing of Mike's girlfriend.
Girlfriend: What are you doing down there?
Deputy: Get off the street now!!
Girlfriend: Why are you hiding behind a car?
Deputy: Get off the damn street!!!
Girlfriend: What's going on?
- Informed Ability: Cortez's car, a 2011 Chevrolet Corvette C6 ZR1, is stated to be a heavily modified show car with 1000 horsepower. However, it was never shown to be extraordinarily fast. Most notable is during the car chase scene, in which a 2012 Chevrolet Camaro SS ZL1 was able to catch up to Cortez's ZR1, despite the fact that even a standard ZR1 (which has 638 horsepower) has superior accelerationnote and top speednote compared to a ZL1 (let alone a customized, 1000 horsepower ZR1). This is noteworthy because after Cortez notices from the GPS that he's very close to Mexico, he pushes the ZR1 to its limit, in which case he should have easily outrun the ZL1. Then again, nothing's stopping the mayor from customizing his car, so maybe the ZL1 has also been turbocharged.
- Instant Convertible: Ray has made one of these by the end of the film.
- Juggling Loaded Guns: Jerry tries out Dinkum's Hand Cannon, underestimating its severe recoil. Following a very painful smack into his nose and an accidental discharge (very Truth in Television if you lose control of such a gun), Dinkum and Mike have to try to get it out of his hands as he stumbles around in pain waving the gun in every direction.
- Jurisdiction Friction:
Agent Bannister: No offense, but I want them handling this.
- Agent Bannister calls Sheriff Owens and vaguely apprizes him of the situation, politely telling him that he's sending a SWAT team and to stay out of the way.
Sheriff Owens: Listen, I can't talk right now. I've got to go. [HANGS UP]
Agent Bannister: John Bannister, FBI.
- Then shown by Torrance in her disdain for the Feds' late arrival.
Deputy Torrance: Glad you could make it...
- Know When to Fold 'Em: Mike initially tries to talk Owens out of taking on the mercenaries, on account of the mercenaries having both superior numbers and weapons. Owens instead drops by Dinkum's museum to even the odds.
- The Last Title: The title.
- Lock and Load Montage: Happens when Ray and his deputies borrow weapons from Dinkum's museum.
- Loophole Abuse: Dinkum owns a not-insignificant arsenal of guns and ammunition under the shakey legal premise that he runs a museum. It's implied Owens lets him get away with it because Dinkum is a harmless kook.
- Ludicrous Gibs: Oh, so much.
- Mauve Shirt: Jerry Bailey
- More Dakka: In addition to the Vickers machine gun, Mike Figuerola uses a Tommy gun. The Vickers gun literally cuts one Mook in half, just as it probably should in Real Life.
- The Mole: Agent Ellen Richards
- Police Are Useless: The FBI and other law enforcement agencies and police departments other than Sheriff Owens and his deputies are shown to be highly incompetent, unhelpful and abrasive towards Owens. Or even corrupt.
- Pretty Little Headshots: An unusual example as one character gets this when shot with a Hand Cannon at close range when his head should have exploded like a watermelon. The back of his head ended up all over the walls and ceiling, though, so it's partially averted.
- Product Placement: Virtually all of the vehicles in this film are made by General Motors.
- Revolvers Are Just Better: In addition to the .500 Magnum, The Dragon uses an old west-style revolver.
- Rewarded as a Traitor Deserves: The Mole still has to play the hostage for the villain's getaway and being shoved out of a speeding car can be enough to kill someone.
- Run for the Border: The entire plot is driven by the fact that Cortez is trying to do this.
- Running Gag: Owens is always hanging up on Agent Bannister.
- Schizo Tech: Dinkum dual wields a revolver and a shield at one point. Not a modern day tactical shield, mind you, but a medieval shield.
- Screw the Money, I Have Rules!: Cortez tries to bribe Owens to let him pass, but Owens bluntly turns him down.Owens: My honor is not for sale.
- Semper Fi: Martinez used to be a Marine, and even has "Semper Fi" tattooed on his forearm.
- Shout-Out: After the Lock and Load Montage, Figuerola is seen holding the Atlantean Sword from the 1982 Conan the Barbarian film.
- Swiss Bank Account: Subverted in that The Mole learns the hard way that they are not that secret anymore as the FBI is able to get the info they need for an arrest.
- There Is No Kill Like Overkill: A few examples include Frank shooting a Mook 13 times at close range and Owens tackling a Mook off the roof of a building and putting a point-blank bullet in his head while both are still falling. Using a Carl Gustav recoilless rifle on unarmored cars is pretty much overkill and a waste of good ammunition... But then again, it was used by the bad guys.
- Token Enemy Minority: The enemy is a Mexican drug cartel. Owens has a couple of Hispanic deputies.
- Urban Legend: This film takes the urban legend about a drug runner burning down desert roads at night in a black sports car and builds a film on it.
- Wacky Guy: Lewis Dinkum.
- What Happened to the Mouse?: Cortez carries a SIG-Sauer P229 early in the film (this is noticeable because Cortez is the only character in the film to have a P229), and uses it to kill an FBI agent. When confronted by Owens on the bridge, one would expect Cortez to just pull out his pistol and shoot Owens, but the gun is never seen again.
- Working with the Ex: Frank Martinez and Sarah Torrance
- Wrestler in All of Us: Owens busts out a German suplex and a powerbomb during his final fight with the Big Bad.