Epic Fail: Fanfiction

  • The Worst Bakers In Equestria is all about a contest entirely built around ponies who don't merely bake badly, but who bring forth inedible abominations in the most spectacular manners possible. The contest only uses one stage at a time, but has a backup in case one becomes too damaged (or toxic) to be used.
  • In a direct Shout-Out to the former trope image and an inversion of the trope, Magnetism tells us "Rainbow Dash poured the milk into the bowl of cereal. Astonishingly, this time it did not catch on fire."
  • A Brief History of Equestria: Star-Swirl the Bearded's Winter Emergency Summit between the tribes was planned to last a week, with preparations to go on longer if necessary. The Shouting Congress, as it became known to history, lasted twenty minutes.
    • As opposed to her son Hurricane, Star Saber's life is just one failure after another: While her friends become high-ranking military figures, she's still a non-commissioned officer, and when she decides to have children so she could live vicariously through them, she's too old for pregnancy to happen easy, and when she does get pregnant, it's a colt, and thus pretty much unlikely to advance very far. A few decades (and a demotion) later, she tries to go the Rebellious Rebel route and not only fails spectacularly, but she's not seen as worth the effort to kill. Later still, she's 92 and still in the military, and dies defending a single crate of food. ...That was empty. Her own son describes her as an incompetent fuckwit.
  • In one Dashverse story, during a game of Truth or Dare, Twilight is dared to hogtie Rarity. Somehow, she ends up tying them both together.
  • A rather frightening one. In Human Curiosity, while the HCS's attempt to kidnap and kill off as many Nations as possible seems like it's successful, it starts to go to pieces when a massive prison break is attempted and a number of Nations escape. One of whom was the only Nation to memorize the location of every HCS base in the world (England). From there, the remaining free Nations find the escapees and use England's knowledge to storm every HCS base, freeing all the prisoners and stealing what research remains. The HCS is forced to abandon everything they've worked for and disband to survive. One of the former leaders tries to make more progress by unfreezing the Nations in stasis (they've been turned mortal and loaded with poison, in the hopes this would make it impossible to revive them). Not only does this not work at all, since the Nations just die and come back to life exactly as they were, but he dies in the process and the newly-revived Nations set about killing off the rest of the HCS.
  • Germany and Italy's date in ''Chasing an Empty Dream, which makes the canon Valentine's Day date look like smooth sailing. The whole thing was orchestrated by Prussia. To keep Germany from panicking, Canada borrows spy gear from America so they can give tips. Unfortunately, this means America has to stay with them to keep an eye on the stuff, and acts obnoxious the whole time. Meanwhile, Romano uses a Paper-Thin Disguise to pretend to be their waiter, wanting to spy on them and verbally abusing Germany until the manager mistakes him for a real waiter and sends him to the kitchen (Italy, of course, fails to realize who "the waiter" is). Spain bursts into the restaurant with a battle axe Romano asked him to bring, leading the other diners to think he's a terrorist and causing America to try to blindly play the hero. At this point, England shows up with his hair and eyebrows dyed pink, to yell at America. Canada gets rid of America by stealing his glasses, England is gotten rid of by having France come in (completely naked) and carry him off, and Spain has to run off with Romano. And it ends on a very sad note, as Germany confesses to Italy that he used to be the Holy Roman Empire, only for Italy to become upset and reject him.
  • Only mentioned after the fact, but in Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, Harry once had a pet rock. It died.
  • Shining Armor from the Pony POV Series is a terrible shot. While he's otherwise competent, any time he tries to shoot, his efforts can only be described as this.
    Shining Armor: This wasn't to say I can't hit the broad side of a barn. The problem was, I can and I did. And our archery range was three miles from the farm I hit.
  • In the Danny Phantom fic Just One More, Maddie tries to create ghost sedative. Instead, she created ghost vodka.
  • In I Won't Say L relates that he once managed to kill a cactus by forgetting to water it.
  • In the Slash Fic Seeing, Believing, Dreaming, Deceiving during a karaoke contest at Hogwarts, Lucius Malfoy gets up on stage while drunk and attempts to woo Remus Lupin by serenading him with an off-key rendition of Warren Zevon's "Werewolves of London." This goes about as well as you'd expect.
  • In Blue Sky, Wheatley attempts to make bread. What results is most emphatically not bread, in every possible way something can be not bread, and violates several laws of geometry, thermodynamics, and physics in the process.
  • Scootamom: Princess Celestia's first attempt at knitting her daughter a sweater. It's possibly the most literal example of the Homemade Sweater From Hell in the history of fiction; it contains Alien Geometries that cause headaches and nausea in anyone looking directly at it. (A Physical Goddess did it, and even she doesn't know quite how.)
  • Mega Man: Defender of the Human Race has Vick-Tek's early attempt at making robots, particularly the one recycled from a nannybot and condiment dispenser.
  • In the Facing The Future Series story Stolen Years, Jack designed two devices. One was supposed to incapacitate ghosts with a high frequency sound, the other was supposed to absorb ecto-energy, rendering a ghost a powerless husk. The former unleashed a sound that was painful to everyone in town, but ghosts. The latter unleashed an energy field that disabled electrical energy, causing a blackout across town.
    • It's inverted later on when these devices are used in an attack on the Guys in White base in order to rescue Danielle.
  • RWBY Reckoning shows Darrel's "landing strategy" to be this. In a nutshell, he accidentally ties himself to a tree several meters above the ground. He manages to free himself by cutting his bonds, but as Gravity Is a Harsh Mistress, he ends up falling into branches, and getting nailed in the gonads in the process. Finally, he gets tangled in vines, and is freed by a conveniently timed Blake and Yang. A few moments later, he gets knocked unconscious by his own weapons.
  • My Immortal has so many examples of Epic Fail that it can not be counted. There is just so much wrong here - the spelling and grammatical errors, the author's complete inability to form a functional plot, the Out of Character Moments vastly outnumbering the in character moments, the obsession with goth/emo culture that the author doesn't really understand. Imagine the Up to Eleven level of fail turned up to eleven. One of the very best examples comes when the author, Tara, writes an Author's Note in response to reviewers calling main character Ebony a Mary Sue and her attempt at a comeback ended... well:
    "AN: I sed stup flamming ok ebony's name is ENOBY nut mary su OK!"
  • As a Shout-Out to the former trope image, Weiss Reacts' companion fic, A Melodic Comedy, has Melodia set cereal on fire by dropping milk on it. Obviously lampshaded.
    • The Civilization V chapter in the main fic is full of it, but the main incidents are Yang having Failed a Spot Check and failing to realise that while backstabbing Ren Weiss captured her capital, Lucina attempting a Big Damn Heroes only to get stomped in two turns by the combined armies of Ren and Yang, and Fionn only getting one city founded before Yang conquers him.
    • In Lucina Reacts, by the same author, the Shepherds find a laptop, and find that the previous owner had installed a 3DS emulator, with Fire Emblem Awakening already loaded. Cue Maribelle playing the game, and having Frederick die on the first mission (This is pretty much impossible outside of Lunatic/Lunatic+ modes, unless you actively seek to kill him by stripping him of any weapons and hoping the enemy units get lucky and crit him a lot)
  • In Tougher Than Most, Naruto has recently gained a Healing Factor on par with Deadpool and needs to increase his pain tolerance so he can't pass out from pain. He tries to anger Anko by slapping her on the ass and kissing her; instead she decides he was so gutsy that she has sex with him instead. Naruto later mentions if that's the consolation prize, he doesn't mind losing.
  • In Origin Story, Marvin the Pimp and a couple of his gang invades the camp full of homeless mutants where Alex Harris and Louise Fulford are hiding out. They're all heavily armed and intent on punishing Alex and Louise for defying Marvin. The confrontation ends with Marvin missing a finger and being shoved into the trunk of his own car, which is then welded shut around him and dropped off at the nearest police station. (The trunk of the car, that is... the rest of the vehicle is torn away from the trunk and the trunk is sealed.) No one but Marvin and his crew are injured in this attack.
  • In an Omake series for Sekirei? Is that some new species of little sister? Naruto and Xanna decide to mess with the major religions of the world for kicks, Naruto getting Hinduism and Buddhism, Xanna getting Islam and Judaism, and both sharing Christianity. Unfortunately for Naruto, the Hindus easily accept that he's a god and name him the 10th avatar of Vishnu. When he tries to mess with the Buddhists by giving the Dalai Lama some meditation tips then using Sexy Jutsu and "putting on a show for them", the Dalai Lama thanks him for the tips and very politely asks Naruto not to do that. Naruto later admits to Takami that it wasn't any fun messing with them when they were so polite.
  • According to Ragyou, in this blog, Nui somehow burned a whole town to the ground the last time she cooked [1] and that she used white phosphorus as an ingredient (going by that, she might have used a lot) and, in an earlier post, that, apparently, when her and Ryuuko's cooking abilities are combined, the result were brownies which are described to be "something worse than napalm made with household ingredients" [2]. One would have to take the assumption that Nui and Ryuuko are Lethal Chefs, although, the former seems to be border on being Lethally Stupid.
  • "Water + Veggies + Meats + Soy(a) sauce + Yukari = nuclear bombs" [3].
  • In Hunter, Willow played a prank on Larry by using magic to make him have dreams about having sex with the entire 49ers football team. Since Larry's gay, when he finds out Willow's responsible, he asks her to do it again.
  • Stargate Command tries to make Xander agree to being coddled and send his bodyguard Faith home in Teal'c's Wish by having them go through the same modified Navy Seal training course all members of SGC have to go through. Xander and Faith do so well, the instructors want them to stay on to teach various combat courses. Faith breaks several records and the most of the ones she doesn't break, Xander does. The instructor notes getting several offers for Xander from both Olympic sharp shooting teams and black ops groups.
  • The MLP fanfic series beginning with A Teacher With No Class combines this trope with Trauma Conga Line. First, Prince Blueblood agrees to give a talk to Miss Cheerilee's class about his role in the Equestrian government, but thanks to one Armour Piercing Question too many the guy ends up passing over the Despair Event Horizon at how utterly pointless his existence is and ends up walking into the Everfree Forest hoping that something eats him. Not only does he fail to die, he ends up becoming the Unwitting Pawn of the villain of the sequel and ends up causing a horde of zombies to rampage through Ponyville, which everyone is led to believe he did on purpose. It sounds funny, but it really isn't.
  • In The Snow Has Stopped The Rain, Ichigo thinks this of when he first attempted to cast a Bakudo Number 1 and managed to cause it to literally blow up in his face. The fact that it was a binding spell should have made a reaction like that impossible.
  • In Vapors the Original Character Aiko Uzumaki ends up captured by Akatsuki and held in their base under the supervision of at least one member at all times. Her chakra is drained to almost nothing, she has no tools or weapons, no idea of where the other two prisoners brought in with her are, and a several day old cranial hemorrhage. She boasts to her captor's face that she intends to escape (although she lies about the method), taking the other two prisoners with her, and warns him right before she does. She then proceeds to escape her captor, break the other two away from their captors, and get out of the country.
  • The King Nobody Wanted has Mace Tyrell leading the battle of Storm's End. Rather than winning glory for the Dragons, this becomes a major Stag victory, in addition to seeing Stannis freed and Mace killed. Dragons and Stags alike agree Mace will most likely be remembered for this military blunder.