Some songs are about sex. In fact, quite a few of them are. Many don't even make an effort to hide that fact.
But surely, not all songs are like that! A lot of songs are still perfectly innocent and have no sexual symbolism, right? Right??
Not here! On this page, Everyone Is Your Mom In Bed.
So, go ahead. Corrupt some perfectly innocent songs and show us how perverted your mind is.
Guideline: if a song is blatantly obvious or confirmed to be about sex, it goes in Intercourse with You. But if it's still debatable, it goes here.
In an inversion of this trope, anything by the band Anal Cunt is actually a reference to going to church and bible study.
Born to Run by Bruce Springsteen. Just look at the lyrics! If the whole "riding by night" thing doesn't give it away, he totally blows it with "Wendy let me in I wanna be your friend / I want to guard your dreams and visions / Just wrap your legs round these velvet rims / And strap your hands across my engines"
The Hokey Pokey. You put your whole self in. You take your whole self out. You put your whole self in. And you shake it. All. About.
Turn, Turn, Turn by The Byrds. It's a list of euphemisms for different sexual positions to try.
Through the Fire and the Flames by DragonForce. Let's see "We're free before the thunderstorm. On towards the wilderness our quest carries on." So you get lots of chicks and have wild kinky sex with them. We don't need to hear the details! And the title is even about when you get rashes from the nasty ones!
All their songs are about kinky sex. Fury of the Storm? The storm is his penis.
"The Point Of No Return" has some of the least subtle metaphors for sex ever.
I think we all know what "The Music of the Night" is supposed to be.
Daft Punk's Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger: ...C'mon. With a title like that, it's almost TOO easy.
Also, Daft Punk's "Get Lucky".
Queen's song "Pain Is So Close to Pleasure" is about BDSM, of course!
And don't forget "Bohemian Rhapsody". Oedipal S&M, ahoy! Probably RACK, too - "spare him his life"?
Billy Idol's White Wedding: the singer's sister commits some serious Brother-Sister Incest, gets pregnant, and is forced into a Shotgun Wedding with the singer... who is quite looking forward to "start again."
That's close enough to the real meaning.
What, seriously? I thought it was about masturbating! Or was that Dancing With Myself?
According to Word of God, neither of those songs are about masturbation.
Likewise, Gerard McMann's "Cry Little Sister" (the theme from The Lost Boys) is also about Brother-Sister Incest. The title alone is a dead giveaway!
Alternately, Mary's "little lamb" could be a metaphor for an illegitimate child that Mary, a teenage girl, tries to keep a secret (that was verboten a few centuries ago), until she has to bring it with her to school one day for some reason, when the teacher figures it out, and puts the baby outside and shames Mary in front of everyone.
"Brown-Eyed Girl" is all about anal sex.
Considering the original title was "Brown-Skinned Girl," it could be a Cleveland Steamer. Well, now that song's ruined for me.
All my friends know the low rider. The low rider is a little higher. Low rider drives a little slower. Low rider is a real goer. Low rider don't use no gas now. Low rider don't drive too fast. Take a little trip and see! Take a little trip with me!
"Possesions" by The Residents is blatantly about masturbation: Some are into silver/Some are into gold/Some are into having/Something nice to hold
"Possessions!?" What about "Handful of Desire?"
Sinews crackled in the heat of noonday's raptured thrill,
A moisture-laden, syncopated, automated drill,
A handful of desirous needs that's much too soon fulfilled.
The Red Hot Chili Pepper's "Californication" is quite clearly about wet dreams.
"Dream of Californication..."
MIA's song "Bamboo Banga" is blatantly about the fetishization of the giant panda.
"Ridin'" by Chamillionaire is about him being accused of having sex while driving ("Tryin' to catch me ridin' dirty").
"Down in a Hole" by Alice in Chains. The title couldn't make it any more obvious.
Down in a hole, feeling so small
"Oh, I want to be inside of you..."
"Big Bang Baby" by Stone Temple Pilots. It's a Big Bang alright.
Meaning that she, too, will develop a fetish for wearing purple to complement his, and will unable to be satisfied with a partner unless she does.
"Left Hand" by Crowded House is definitely about masturbation. Left hand wants to know what the right hand's doing...
And one of their songs is called "When You Come"...'Nuff said.
You remember that love song "I Can't Smile Without You?" Replace one of the words in the title to get the true meaning of the song. I can't cum without you, I can't cum and I can't cry...
Madonna's "Sooner Or Later" is obviously a rape anthem: "Sooner or later you're gonna be mine"? "Sooner or later there's nowhere to hide"? "The more you resist, babe, the more it excites me"? No, Madonna! Bad touch!
This entire page could be dedicated to Madonna. "Like a Prayer" is a fairly obvious reference to oral sex - "down on my knees, I wanna take you there"? "In the midnight hour, I can feel your power"? I'll bet she can. And of course there's the "guy with a huge penis" interpretation of "Like a Virgin", famously endorsed by Quentin Tarantino.
Within Temptation's Angels is about a guy who called the police when the lead singer tried to rape him.
The Swan Song is about necrophilia and incest... all at once!
All I Need is about how the lead singer is horny. Very, very horny.
Our Solemn Hour is about how a girl who's trying to get over her BDSM fetish, and failing miserably. With a small dose of Gratuitous Latin.
Jillian - see Memories, only without the squick-tastic part.
"A Whole New World" - "Over, sideways and under, on a magic carpet ride..." "Magic carpet ride" indeed. There's also this:
"A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming"
Beauty and the Beast is about people coming to terms with their sexual fetishes and their partners learning to enjoy them. "Both a little scared, neither one prepared."
'She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain'. She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes... and the bit about 'riding six white horses when she comes' doesn't help.
Well, it would be a bumpy ride going up a mountain... mmm.
MacArthur Park, until proven otherwise.
Hell it HAS to mean something, right? I like my cake out in the rain sometimes... oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Radiohead. Name a song of theirs and I'll tell you exactly how it's about sex. I'll pick two random songs to start you off with:
"Anyone Can Play Guitar" is about posing as a rockstar to get laid.
Grow my hair, grow my hair I am Jim Morrison
Grow my hair, I wanna be, wanna be, wanna be Jim Morrison
I mean, that dude got laid constantly, and Thom wanted to, too!
For my other example... how about "Let Down"?
Transport, motorways and tramlines
Starting and then stopping
Taking off and landing
The emptiest of feelings
Disappointed people, clinging onto bottles
And when it comes it's so, so disappointing
This could easily be interpreted as being about people in shitty relationships with rare sexual activity, and disappointing sex when it actually does happen getting disenchanted about their day-in, day-out lifestyle and "clinging onto bottles" (i.e. getting drunk/turning alcoholic) because of it all. I know this page is about turning innocent songs into sexual innuendoes, but after I examined the lines, it seemed actually quite plausible.
"High and Dry" ...Nuff said.
"Nude" is about how everyone just wants to bone Thom and the band is sick of it... or are they?
"Kid A" is about luring rats and kids to your apartment and screwing them in the shadows at the end of your bed and then brainwashing them to follow you out of town. Whoa, shit, that is wrong.
Put A Banana In Your Ear. Because there's totally more than two orifices on the body.
'Waltzing Matilda' is about the great Australian pastime out doing it outdoors. With sheep. Wait a sec...
"Good Vibrations," by the Beach Boys. Sweet, vaguely suggestive love song? Nope. It's about the colorful dildo she wears, and the excitations it gives them. Gotta keep those loving good vibrations happening with her.
"Come Together" by the Beatles is about a gay threesome...
He say "I know you, you know me"
One thing I can tell you is you got to be free
Come together right now over me
Alternatively, Bukakke ("over me").
"Revolution 9" is about all kinds of things, S&M, utter hedonism, everything. "If...if you become naked...block that kick, block that kick! They all knew that as time went by, they'd get a little bit older and a little bit slower...RIDE! RIDE! RIIIDE!"
There's a song about someone with a voice like whispering wind seducing a lesbian by pointing out that yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on, since sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven. You know, lots of words have two meanings...like the word "buy," and it's whispered that soon when we all call the tune the pipe blowers will lead us to reason. He eventually caused a bustle in her hedgerow, and now, as we men wind along the road our shadows taller than our souls, there walks a lady we all know!
"Bring your daughter to the slaughter" is about taking a girl's anal virginity. With lyrics like "bite the pillow", "unlock your back door" etc. It's clear this is what Iron Maiden had in mind.
What about hymns? "O come, all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant!"
Unfortunately, the third verse is pedo for the Baby Jesus (note the words "morning" and "glory"):
Yea, Lord, we greet Thee,
Born this happy morning,
Jesus, to Thee be all glory given
Another hymn: (Note: One theory as to why "heart-shaped" does not refer to the shape of an actual blood-pumping organ is that the Valentine heart originated as a vulva reference.)
Joy to the world! The Lord is come;
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare him room,
Loud enough to echo, judging by the second verse:
While fields and floods, rocks, hills, and plains
Repeat the sounding joy,
The third verse suggests that He considers girls old enough at their first period:
He comes to make His blessings [i.e. semen] flow
Far as the curse [i.e. menstruation] is found,
"Fireflies" by Owl City is about a man frantically masturbating after his girlfriend left him. You will never hear the song the same way again.
Likewise, "Good Time" is about sex unless otherwise proven.
"Witch Doctor" by David Seville and The Chipmunks is about date rape. The singer asks the witch doctor how to get the girl he loves; the doctor's reply of "Ooh, eee, ooh, aah aah!" is what the girl would cry out while being assaulted. And she loved it, too.
That's what the witch doctor told the guy to say...
A man picks up an attractive girl in a bar, brings her back to his place, only to discover (as he undresses her) that "she" is actually a man. Now, feeling conflicted about his sexuality, he's considering a sex change operation. ("The change, it had to come ... we knew it all along.") Things got worse when he tried to pick up a cute guy at a gay bar, got him home, and found out this one was a butch lesbian. He can no longer tell which gender is which, or who is who, and every time he's in the mood for oral sex, he has to "get on his knees, and pray we don't get fooled again."
Frankie Valli And The Four Seasons' song "Opus 17 (Don't You Worry 'Bout Me)" is about a couple who goes to a "party" with fifteen other people, and while there the singer's girlfriend shacks up with some other guy, which (for some arbitrary reason, given where they are at the moment) pisses the singer off. He just leaves them be to get it on. "Remember, if he ever leaves you high and dry."
Sheryl Crow's "If It Makes You Happy" is actually a rapist talking to his victim afterwards, inferring that she enjoyed it.
"Can You Feel The Love Tonight" is a song about how sex feels. It's even in the title!
"Hollaback Girl" is about a scat fetishist ("Uh huh, this my shit") who hears rumors that she's loud during sex. So to get revenge and prove she's not that easy to please, she invites all the girls' boyfriends to a group sex session ("All the boys want to be the winner, but there can only be one/ So I'm gonna fight, gonna give it my all/ Gonna make you fall, gonna sock it to you"). And do I really need to explain the bananas?
Buckwheat Boyz' "Peanut Butter Jelly Time" is about anal sex. The singer wants to combine his sticky, gelatinous "Jelly" in his "Baseball bat" with the participant's thick, brown "Peanut butter". He encourages the listeners to "freestyle your style," meaning experiment with different sex acts and positions at home.
Barney the Dinosaur's "I Love You" is actually about a polygamous pedophile cult ("I love you/ you love me/ we're a happy family"). The use of "love" here is meant to invoke both the idea of romantic love and the euphemism "Make love" in order to confuse the victims. After the traumatizing incident, the cult leader forces the victims to say they love their aggressor to brainwash them into claiming the act was consensual ("Won't you say you love me too?")
"Pop Goes The Weasel". It's clear as day.
"The More We Get Together" is about orgies.
Mentioned above, "Open your Heart" by Crush 40 is a song about some guy holding out for the big climax. The chorus pretty much gives it away:
Can't hold on much longer, but I will never let go!
I know this is a one way track, tell me how long this will last!
"Light Up the Night" is about a gay couple who have trouble with their sex lives. The title says it all, really.
Nearly every song in Wicked. "Defying Gravity" is about something rising. "The Wizard and I", "Dancing Through Life", "Something Bad"... it's all pretty obvious. The exception, oddly enough, is "What is this Feeling?"
"Old MacDonald Had a Farm" is about beastiality. On this farm he had a sheep, EE-I-EE-I-Oh god I can't believe they teach this to children.
"Temporal Shenanigans" from Homestuck's album "coloUrs and mayhem: Universe A" is about Aradia's sex life as she regains her body.