Characters: Group Of Weirdos
The characters of the fan fiction Group of Weirdos
by Mr. Light Chicken Bulbs.
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Link (Hero of Time)
"One moment, we need to climb up to my house so I can get a cheese sandwich."
The protagonist of the series...unfortunately. He is the definition
of Too Dumb to Live
. While he is a moderately good fighter (he is the Hero of Time after all), everybody he meets seems to forget that and only care about his stupidity.
- Ambiguous Disorder: Practically every "idiot" trope applies to him, but his actions don't appear to resemble any kind of actual disorder.
- Attention Deficit... Ooh, Shiny!: With a heavy focus on the "shiny".
- Beware the Nice Ones: He's tougher than he looks and acts. Nobody cares though.
- Butt Monkey: Mostly due to his own stupidity.
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander
- Completely Missing the Point: Many, many times. One example is thinking something's wrong with the flaming, burning, smoking Death Mountain because it looks a few inches shorter.
- Determinator: Has shades of this. In Twilight Princess, as the golden wolf, he does NOT give up on trying to get the TP Link to howl with him.
- Does Not Understand Sarcasm
- Dreadful Musician: His skills with his Ocarina are lacking.
- Dumbass Has a Point: Fire isn't solid. Painful though it is to walk through, there's no reason to treat it as an impassable wall worth solving puzzles over.
- Flanderization: He only starts off a bit dumb and quickly turns into an Idiot Hero who walks through fire traps and gets his head stuck in an empty bottle. Somewhat reversed in Majora's Mask, where he begins to develop decent combat skill over time. He's still a moron, just skilled enough to pull his own weight in battle.
- Good Is Dumb
- Headbutting Heroes: Is this with practically everyone who joins him, though they tend to headbutt more than him.
- The Hero: Unfortunately, he's an...
- Idiot Hero
- Insane Troll Logic: He thinks blue fire will melt red ice to create a purple puddle of water. It's actually green.
- Let's Get Dangerous: Very rarely, but he does show his fighting skill when he needs to.
- Nice Job Breaking It, Hero: He gives Bongo-Bongo his dropped saw, allowing him to escape the well. He also calls him ugly, causing Bongo-Bongo to try and kill Link seven years later.
- One Steve Limit: He and Twilight Princess-era Link share the same name. This confuses Volvagia when he meets the latter in the Goron Mines.
- Out-of-Character Moment: He refers to a "pit" as an "abyss" at one point. Everyone around him freaks out at him using a word like that.
- He has Dumbass Has a Point moments a few times, such as questioning why a shield was in a graveyard.
Morpha: Stop using words longer than one syllable. It freaks me out.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: Red, to Navi/Tatl's blue.
- Rhymes on a Dime:
"Think, Link! Hey, that rhymes! I'm a poet and I didn't even know it! Hey, that rhymes too! I'm so good I could...shlood."
- Skilled, but Na´ve: And stupid, and annoying, and easily distracted...
- Trademark Favorite Food: He mentions a love of pizza every now and then.
- Your Head Asplode: Hinted by Volvagia to be the cause of his death.
Link (Hero of Twilight)
"Waaait a minute...I know where this is going. You're using my desire to be human again to make me go on this journey to save the other spirits, aren't you? Don't you disappear on me! Answer the question!"
Rather than the Idiot Hero
from Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask, this Link is somewhat different. He's more sarcastic and lazy, as well as being hated by seemingly everything, aside from the bosses (except Gyorg
- All Work vs. All Play: The "all play" against the "all work" of Midna and the spirits.
- Animals Hate Him: Every single animal he runs across seems to have some reason to dislike him. Lampshaded commonly.
- Butt Monkey
- Brilliant but Lazy: Not exactly "brilliant", but he is the Chosen One, regardless of whether he likes it or not.
- Catch Phrase: "THIS IS/WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA!"
- Deadpan Snarker
- Designated Hero: In-universe example; it's him who wonders why he's the hero.
- The Drag-Along: Midna practically has to force him along.
- Genre Savvy: He knows it's a bad idea to burn down a web attached to a wooden tree, and cuts it instead.
- This also happens at other times; see his quote above for a good example.
- Good Is Not Nice
- I Am Who?: He doesn't know he's a hero, and he's not happy when he learns that he is.
- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: He doesn't seem to be a complete jerk; he just gets annoyed by the others' antics often. He also has shown concern for the others at times when they get attacked.
- Only Sane Man: Double subverted. He hears voices, but this is basically confirmed to be from Majora's Mask, not his insanity. Everyone else thinks he's crazy for responding to them though, since they can't hear them. Until Majora begins speaking to everyone instead of just Link.
- Polite Villains, Rude Heroes: So far, considering how Diababa acts, and how he acts, this trope is likely to be played straight for quite a while. Zant's and Ganondorf's calm demeanors cement this.
- Red Oni, Blue Oni: Believe it or not, blue. This contrasts Midna's red.
- Refusal of the Call: Attempts this and fails.
- Screw This, I'm Outta Here!: He tries to abandon his role as a hero once or twice and return to the village. However, it never works out.
- Took a Level in Jerkass: Subverted, as this is not actually the Link from the last two installments. He is still a bigger jerk than the last one though.
"I'm back, and I brought the moron!"
Link's Exposition Fairy
. A very reluctant one. She quickly grows fed up at Link's stupidity, leaving at the end of the Ocarina of Time series. She is rediscovered in Ikana Canyon in Majora's Mask, where she was trapped in a jar. She rejoins Link alongside Tatl.
"I'm the common sense of this journey and the one who laughs at everyone when they fail."
Link's second Exposition Fairy
, who's even more reluctant to join him than Navi. Being forced to hang out with Link and co. is causing her to slowly lose her sanity.
Not a fairy, but accompanies the newest Link on his journey through Twilight Princess.
Ocarina of Time Bosses
"That was pointless."
Link's first Heel Face Turned boss partner. Gohma is the primary Deadpan Snarker
and will eat just about anything they come across that's annoying.
"These things have money in them? Link, we must open them all! NO EXCEPTIONS."
A giant Dodongo who does not like being called "Kingy". He loves money and runs Dodongo's Tavern, which is eventually sold to Gibdos.
- The Big Guy: Splits this role with Barinade. King Dodongo is less skilled in combat than Barinade, but has more out-of-battle uses due to his money and people skills.
- Big "NO!": After Volvagia bribes Sharp into flooding Dodongo's Tavern.
- Genius Bruiser: Finances, naturally, are his strongest point.
- Heel-Face Turn: Subverted; he wasn't very bad to begin with. After hearing about their quest, he decided it sounded fun.
- Mr. Vice Guy: Relative to the other bosses, he's probably one of the nicer ones. But nothing will come between him and money, even if he has to fight his own allies for it.
- The Unfought: Subverted. He does get battled, but not when expected. When they try to take money from him to pay for the Biggoron Sword, he begins fighting them off.
"I AM BARINADE!"
A...thing who uses electricity. Barinade feels the urge to yell "I AM BARINADE!" whenever fighting, adventuring, or even for no reason at all. He eventually gets the Megaton Hammer, which becomes his weapon of choice.
"Why is it called a pair of pants if there's only one?"
Ganondorf's lookalike minion, he's one of the more level-headed members of the group.
"That's what you get when you say my casseroles suck ass!"
The evil dragon from Goron legends, he has a lifelong rivalry with King Dodongo.
- Heel-Face Turn: They trick him into thinking Ganondorf has betrayed him; when he finally confronts Ganondorf about it, Ganondorf decides to betray him for real.
- Playing with Fire
- The Rival: To Kingy.
- Satellite Character: Volvagia gets plenty of screentime and has personality, but the only real defining trait of his is that he hates King Dodongo, aside from occasionally being...
- The Sociopath: Moreso than most of the other bosses, anyway.
- Super Not-Drowning Skills: Inexplicably, he's capable of breathing underwater, something he himself forgot about until preparations for the Water Temple.
"I AM NOT A PET!"
Giant bouncy ball, self-proclaimed god of water, eternal Butt Monkey
, Barinade's secondary weapon.
"Ugly, am I? Well, I'll show you ugly! When I'm done with you you'll just be a hideous crunched up pile of flesh!"
A creature that had been trapped in the bottom of the well, he escapes thanks to Link's stupidity. He doesn't like to be called ugly.
- Berserk Button: Being called ugly. Needless to say, Link calling him ugly becomes a Running Gag.
- Beware the Nice Ones: After mellowing out a lot during Majora's Mask, it's easy to forget that he can and will kill Link anytime he wants to.
- It's been heavily hinted that he's the reason Oo T Link is dead.
- Heel-Face Turn: Not affiliated with Ganon, and has nothing better to do anyway.
- My Friends... and Zoidberg: The malicious intent is on the "friends", not the "Zoidberg", though. Ganondorf labels the amassed bosses as vile traitors, but amends the statement for Bongo Bongo since he isn't one of his ex-minions.
- Only Sane Man: He shares this role with Phantom Ganon in Majora's Mask.
"Koume and Kotake's Double Dynamite Attack!"
Ganondorf's surrogate mothers. Koume has fire powers and Kotake has ice powers. After Ocarina of Time, they open a potion shop in Termina before rejoining Link.
"Oh well, I just need you now, kid. Then I can get the Triforce and gain an easier and more efficient way to clean all of my clothes!"
The villain of Ocarina of Time. This evil man wishes to use the power of the Triforce to grant himself a new laundry machine. After being defeated, the future Ganon is sealed away until Wind Waker while the past one escapes and follows Link to Termina, where he reluctantly joins his team. After that, he's arrested again until Twilight Princess.
- Big Bad: Of Ocarina of Time and Twilight Princess.
- Character Development: Is surprisingly lax in Twilight Princess compared to his previous anger and fanatacism. He even chides Zant for being too serious and constantly offers him dessert.
- Evil Versus Oblivion: In Majora's Mask.
- Heel-Face Turn: Yep, even the big man himself joins Link's team in Majora's Mask. His motivation is to get closer to Link to try and steal the Ocarina of Time, but after a while also realizes that if he doesn't save the world there will be no world to take over.
- Heroic BSOD: He suffers one after a time paradox results in him having four mothers instead of two. He gets better in time for the final fight against Majora.
- The Lancer: In Majora's Mask.
- The Pigpen: He seems to think he's this, since his laundry machine is broken.
- Villains Out Shopping: Plenty of times.
Majora's Mask Bosses
"Every notable force in history has had a leader. That's why I'm here. I'm going to make us part of history! We'll go down in the books as the Odolwa Army, the small group that managed to save the world! I, being the leader, will be the most well known."
A jungle warrior who guards the first Giant. He seems to be able to read the game's script, and gets amusement out of bothering Gyorg.
"I am known to those that desire names as Goht."
A robotic goat/bull guarding the second Giant. It's actually a she despite the beard...
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander: Not usually the case, but her processors get scrambled briefly by the industrial magnets in the Goron Mines, resulting in this.
- The Comically Serious
- Does Not Compute: A few times. Most notably when travelling back in time resulted in Goht fighting a copy of herself, much to the latter's perplexion.
- Girls With Beards: Justified, since Goht is technically a machine anyway, and the beard is just part of the design.
- Heel-Face Turn: Goht's programmed to guard the second Giant. Once she fails at that, she has no reason to oppose Link and is intrigued by the group.
- No Waterproofing in the Future: She does not take kindly to water getting into her circuitry, though she doesn't short out as easily as most examples.
- Robo Speak: Downplayed. Goht is capable of relatively normal speech, though she'll provide robotic analyses of situations, and has robotic error messages.
- Samus is a Girl: To the extent that a machine can be, anyway.
- The Smart Guy
"Your mother sucks cocks in hell."
A fish who once guarded the third Giant. Unlike the other bosses he remains fully loyal to Majora, going so far as to turn the final battle into a (very misbalanced) Dual Boss
Igos Du Ikana
"I don't know if you believe yourself witty or you're just stupid, but it means nothing in a battle of arms."
King of Ikana. He can't do much as just a floating head, but he does have some authority...
Red: "Fuck that place and everything it stands for!"
Blue: "Your capacity for indifference, this time toward the destruction of a pollution spewing industrial complex never ceases to astound me."
Two utterly massive sandworms that guard the fourth Giant. Having them on your side makes you rather powerful... usually.
"What ocarina? There's no ocarina, not this time, nope, not at all."
The forest kid who stole Majora's Mask, setting the game in motion. He's really not all that bad, but the mask is affecting him.
- Dreadful Musician: Just playing one note on the Ocarina is enough to make people's ears bleed.
- The Pigpen: He hasn't bathed since gaining the mask, as Link finds out in an uncomfortable hug after the final battle.
- Unwitting Pawn: Ultimately, the Skull Kid was little more than a host for Majora's Mask.
"FINALLY! It's time for the real show tall white and handsome. Good guys versus bad guys, dark versus light, sword versus whip. Are you ready to rumble?"
An evil mask, it intends to crush Termina under a moon. It serves as the villain of Majora's Mask. Like how Ganondorf was the first to join Link in Majora's Mask, Majora is the first to join Link in Twilight Princess.
- Ambiguous Gender: Gets lampshaded even. Link decides it's female, but the story still refers to it as an "it". Majora itself simply claims it has no gender.
- And I Must Scream: Long after being defeated, Twilight Princess seems to suggest the mask is still alive, but incapable of action outside of communicating with its holder. It doesn't seem to be bothered too much, snarking at the new hero's misadventures.
- Berserk Button: In Twilight Princess, no amount of insults or physical abuse anger it or even perturb it, instead provoking laughter or advice on how to hurt more. However, it admits that the Hero's Shade (The spirit of the Link that defeated him) pisses him off.
- Big Bad: Of Majora's Mask, obviously.
- Deadpan Snarker: Mainly in Twilight Princess.
- The Gadfly: Majora has barbs for everyone and everything, and takes delight in making outrageous suggestions or mean-spirited jokes.
- Heel-Face Turn: Averted, for the most part. It's much more lax in Twilight Princess, and is fully aware it isn't the center stage villain any more, so it just trolls Link to entertain itself.
- Retired Monster: In Twilight Princess. All it can really do any more is rest comfortably in Link's bag and snark at people or give them cynical advice.
- Subverted when it's able to conjure up a sandstorm just to mess with Link, suggesting it still has some power, even if it lacks motivation to do much.
Twilight Princess Bosses
"Oh, right, you humans have this weird connotation with kissing. Man, you guys are screwed up, perverted weirdos."
The first boss to join TP Link; she is energetic and extremely protective of plants and vegetation.
- Catch Phrase: "...Hi."
- Cloud Cuckoo Lander
- Face of a Thug: She's probably the nicest of any of the bosses in the series, being one of the few bosses to not indiscriminately kill or eat humans, but she's also one of the ugliest.
- Genki Girl
- Green Thumb
- Heel-Face Turn: She starts following Link after the battle, due to being enamoured with Link, quite possibly in a romantic way.
- Team Mom: She's very protective and nurturing of her teammates, especially Link.
- Older Than They Look: Subverted:
Link: "I'm seventeen, or eighteen maybe. It depends who you ask."
Diababa: "Pff, might as well be a newborn. I'm ninety-six! ...Okay, that's a lie."
- Samus is a Girl
- Stalker with a Crush: Possibly; it's hinted that she has a crush on Link, and her actual "joining" him appears to be simply following him around after their battle. Even if it isn't this, it's...
- Stalker Without a Crush: In the friendly, if not very annoying, sense.
The second boss to join TP Link. He's very large and loud and often breaks or burns things without meaning to.
- Attack of the 50-Foot Whatever: He's huge.
- Does Not Know His Own Strength: When he tries to help Link, he usually makes the situation worse, or solves it but injures Link in the process.
- Dumb Muscle
- Heel-Face Turn: It's not too hard to convince him, just be nice to him and he follows you like a gigantic, fiery puppy.
- Hulk Speak: Played around with. On rare occasion, despite his sentences lacking in articles or grammatical structure, the few existing words are fairly lengthy or complex, or convey an intelligent concept despite the ineloquence.
- Improbable Weapon User: Uses a chunk of the Bridge of Eldin as a weapon. Until Stallord breaks it.
- Large Ham: He picks up some of this from Barinade.
- Odd Friendship: With Barinade. Barinade found someone who feeds his ego, and Fyrus found someone who can shout loudly.
- Playing with Fire
- Third-Person Person: He has been shown to actually be physically incapable of referring to himself in first person. Whenever someone tries to get him to refer to himself as "I", he screws it up. He even has trouble saying "eye", instead substituting "ocular organ" or other more elaborate synonyms.
"MY MIGHT IS THE PLAN! HAHAHAHAHA!"
Morpha from the first two fics, returned as Morpheel. Though introduced as a massive eel-like monster, his eye is separated from his giant body by Majora, and from that point on his disembodied eye follows the group around. His personality remains pretty much the same from before.
"...Sure, why not, I've got time to kill people!"
A skeleton who loves to kill. He's also surprisingly cheery and a bit of a jokester, particularly to Link
- Ax-Crazy: And it creeps the hell out of Link.
- Beware the Nice Ones: He's usually rather kind, though he playfully insults or annoys the rest of the group on occasion. Despite this, he is probably the second-most deadly member of the team so far, only beaten by Fyrus.
- Blood Knight
- Deadpan Snarker: Example, while attempting to get into Hyrule Castle, which is blocked by a magical barrier:
Stallord: What's the plan for getting in?
Diababa: HELLO! WE WANT IN!
Stallord: I think you're the smartest being I know.
- Heel-Face Turn: He was under Zant's control for the battle, so once freed he joins Link to revel in the bloodshed.
- Only Sane Man: Obviously not entirely, but compared to the other bosses, he's more down-to-earth. Phantom Ganon and Link still beat him in this regard though.
- The Smart Guy: Shows traces of this by remarking how he analyzed the other members of the group's dialogue to discern their various personalities and figure out if they truly needed his help. (They did.)
- Ship Tease: Diababa kisses him when she thinks he complimented her, and unlike Link he doesn't mind.
Originally an out-of-control Yeta, after its defeat the icy remains split off from Yeta as its own separate entity.
The primary antagonist of Twilight Princess
- All Work vs. All Play: Unusually for this dynamic, Zant is the one who would rather just work even when his boss offers him relaxation or indulgence.
- Drop the Hammer: Uses Barinade's Megaton Hammer for some tasks after a teleportaion accidentally steals it from him.
Zelda/Sheik (Ocarina of Time)
Princess Zelda herself. She is prone to violent fits at the drop of a hat. In the future, she dons a Sheikah disguise and shows up several times to aid Link.
Great Deku Tree
The large, sapient tree looking over Kokiri Village. His infestation by Gohma sets Link's quest into action. Despite Link's efforts to rid him of the parasite, he dies from excessive alcohol consumption.
One of Link's childhood friends, and later the Forest Sage. Whenever Link mocks the Fairy Ocarina, whether she's in earshot or not, she winds up flinging something at Link via catapault.
A wise old owl who serves as an exposition source and in-game tutorial. Beyond that, he serves to antagonize Link and his party to a degree, being rather mocking and tiresome.
A ranchhand. He doesn't play a large role in the story, but he's essentially a walking joke, being on the receiving end of Link's antics.
The Unkillable Tektite
For whatever reason, a random Tektite encountered on Death Mountain refused to die no matter how much of a beating Link and Gohma gave it. It continued to show up throughout Link's quest, as unkillable as ever.
- Eaten Alive: Gohma seems to stop it by just eating it, but it survives even that. Volvagia does it later, as well.
- Immortality: Nobody knows why.
- Implacable Man
- Recurring Traveler: Link encounters it a few times, even in areas where Tektites are not native and have no reason to be.
The princess of the Zoras and Sage of Water. Link first meets her inside Jabu Jabu. Her culture dictates that handing over the Zora's Sapphire means she's engaged to its recipient, but Navi is the one to retrieve the Sapphire, complicating things.
- Psycho Lesbian: Since Navi took the Zora's Sapphire from her, she considers herself legally engaged to Navi, and nothing will stop her from fulfilling that engagement.
The lord of the Zora people. He eats Link and his entourage, and inside they find a dungeon, Ruto, and BARINADE.
The Sage of Light. He is the first person Link meets after waking up seven years after drawing the Master Sword.
- Buffy Speak: When trying to explain how to seal Ganon away to the other sages, he slips into this, either because he just wants to get it done now, or because he himself doesn't even understand how it works.
- Nice Guy: Subverted. He is very patient with Link when he wakes up. After it turns out Link hadn't caught a single word of his speech, he finally gives in and coldly wishes a painful death upon him.
Link's horse, who is stubborn every step of the way when it comes to carrying Link.
Saria's fairy companion. He briefly joins Link's party for the early part of the second half.
Lord Bulbo and King Bulbin
A recurring miniboss. King Bulbin rides into battle on Lord Bulbo, but the latter is seemingly the one in command, and the only one who speaks.