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Pageant Committee
Gladys Leeman
Played by: Kirstie Alley
President of the Mount Rose Pageant Committee.- Big Bad: Gladys orchestrated various schemes to ensure her daughter would win the pageant. It's implied she may have also influenced the State pageant's unexpected mishap.
- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Gladys plays the part of a god-fearing patriotic family woman, but when her daughter/meal ticket is killed in a freak accident, she cracks and confesses to killing Tammy while cussing out everyone around her.
- Distracted by the Sexy: During an interview, Gladys stops talking to begin ogling a high school wrestler and becomes flustered.
- Eagleland: Parodied with Gladys' uncreative ideas for pageant themes.
- Evil Matriarch: She's the nastiest in her family and the Leeman family are pretty unpleasant.
- Fake Orgasm: Referenced. As she's being arrested, Gladys claims that the orgasms she had with her husband were all as fake as the furniture he sells.
- Generation Xerox: Gladys hopes for one with Becky winning the Mount Rose pageant, as she did before her. To this end, she rigs the entire pageant so that Becky would win regardless of how talentless she really is.
- Nice Job Fixing It, Villain:
- Nice job blowing up your own daughter due to your own carelessness and crimes, Mom!
- Assuming she did hire someone to poison the catering at the State Pageant, Gladys ended up eliminating Amber's competition simply because Amber didn't eat anything.
- Gladys's attempt at revenge against Amber inadvertently leads to Amber getting her dream job.
- Pick on Someone Your Own Size: Gladys Leeman eventually develops a major hate-on for the teenage Amber Atkins, her daughter's main rival in the pageant.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: Her blithe comments about feminists, Catholics, and the handicapped count.
- Removing the Rival:
- Being Becky's only real competition after Tammy's death, the entire pageant is so blatantly rigged against Amber, it
Crosses the Line Twice. After the murder attempt fails, her interview is made ten times harder than the other contestants' (she's forced to spell out all fifty states — in alphabetical order), then during rehearsal a stage light is rigged to fall on her (luckily for her, she switched order placement with Jenelle at the last minute), and then her talent costume is stolen the night of the pageant and Gladys refuses to approve the new one she gets from the choreographer. When all that fails, it's implied that Gladys bribed the judges to get a higher score for Becky. - It's strongly implied that after getting arrested, Gladys had some of her contacts on the outside sabotage the state finals by poisoning the contestant's food.
- Being Becky's only real competition after Tammy's death, the entire pageant is so blatantly rigged against Amber, it
- Rich Bitch: The Leemans being the richest family in Mount Rose. It's implied that Gladys has bought the police off to literally get away with murder.
- Sanity Slippage: Gladys wasn't all there to begin with, considering she murdered Tammy and tried to murder Amber so Becky could win the pageant, but after Becky dies, she loses it.
- Stage Mom: Gladys is blatantly this for Becky, clearly determined that her daughter get the opportunity to compete that she never did.
- Vicariously Ambitious: It's blatantly obvious that Gladys is trying to relive her Glory Days through Becky, including following her to state, something Gladys never got to do despite winning her own pageant (most likely due to being pregnant with Becky). The goth girls in the bathroom even lampshade it at one point.
- Villainous Breakdown: Gladys has one after Becky's death.
- You Should Have Died Instead: After Becky dies, Gladys has a breakdown and shouts this at Amber. Part of it is out of hate and grief, but the rest is implied to be because Amber was supposed to win the contest and Gladys bribed the judges so Becky could win instead.
Iris Clark
Played by: Creator/Mindy Sterling
Vice president of the Mount Rose Pageant Committee.- Adults Are Useless: Iris doesn't suspect Gladys is up to something and tells Amber she's unable to do anything when Amber's costume disappears at the last minute.
Cloris Klinghagen
Played by: Mary Gillis
The pageant's local choreographer.- Jerk with a Heart of Gold: She's loud and crass when it comes to training, but she also recognizes Amber's talent for dancing and encourages her to perform in a plain training leotard when her costume is stolen.
Colleen Douglas & Terry Macy,
Played by: Nora Dunn (Colleen), Mo Gaffney (Terry)
Heads of the State Pageant.- Deadpan Snarker: In contrast to the Mt. Rose commitee, Colleen and Terry are quite uncouth.
- Lady Drunk: They get sloshed before the big show begins.
Pageant Contestants
Amber Atkins
Played by: Kirsten Dunst
A tap-dance performer who works at the morgue and idolizes Diane Sawyer.- Alliterative Name: Amber Atkins
- Always Someone Better: When Amber gets to State Pageant, she's visibly rattled when she sees the other contestants have actual talent. The sight of another tap dancer leaves Amber feeling hopeless.
- Disqualification-Induced Victory: Basically the reason Amber wins the Minnesota State Finals, as every other girl gets food poisoning from the shellfish.
- Earn Your Happy Ending: Amber's idol is Diane Sawyer, and she dreams of getting out of Mount Rose and becoming a big-name news anchor herself. As has become a pattern for her, a wise decision and dumb luck converge to give her a job as an anchor for a Twin Cities news station. Downplayed in that a lot of Amber's success came down to insanely good luck.
- The Fool: Through circumstances worthy of a voodoo protection spell, Amber bumbles into lucky breaks and close-calls that allow her to achieve her dreams, and she never stops being an absolute sweetheart about it.
- Godwin's Law: When Amber is told her outfit is too skimpy for the pageant, she says "This is... This is Nazi Germany!".
- Nice Girl: Amber is arguably the nicest girl in the movie with a wholesome demeanor and down to earth attitude.
- Normal Fish in a Tiny Pond: Amber turns out to be the only contestant who demonstrates any real talent. When she makes it to state regional championships, Amber sees that her competition are at least as good as her, if not better.
- Only Sane Woman: Amber isn't as dorky, awkward, dumb, or as backstabbing as the other contestants. This is made all the more obvious when she gets to Nationals, and the contestants find out that Sarah Rose has been shut down and the pageant has been canceled. The other girls riot and destroy the building, while Amber simply sighs and gets back on the bus.
- Pinball Protagonist: Amber basically wins by having a great deal of luck and being in the right place at the right time, ranging from switching places with another girl and inadvertently avoiding a sabotaging accident to being able to swap costumes with another contestant after her own is lost.
Becky Ann Leeman
Played by: Denise Richards
Gladys' daughter and a devout Christian that's good with firearms.- Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Becky's Christian faith and wholesome facade bely a manipulative and spiteful villain.
- Blatant Lies: "What? Oh, my God. Lights, camera, and me without a stitch of makeup on!" Just ignore her volimnous hair, glossy lips and extra-thick eyelashes. She also pretends to be good friends with Mary Johansen, even though Mary has no idea who she is and says so right on camera, which Becky laughs off as an in-joke between friends.
- Chekhov's Skill: The first scene at the Lutheran Sisterhood Gun Club has Becky not aiming for the center of the human-shaped target, but rather, for the area right above the target's right eye. Cue the morgue, and Amber pulls back the cloth to reveal...
- Cute and Psycho: Becky's an attractive girl, but she's strongly implied to have murdered a boy just because he picked Amber over her.
- The Fake Cutie: Her good girl image is very unconvincing.
- Girly Girl with a Tomboy Streak: Becky is a prissy and fashionable rich girl, but she also asks Brett if he wants to go cow-tipping.
- Hollywood Tone-Deaf: Averted - Becky doesn't screech or slide tones randomly, she's just awful at singing.
- Informed Ability: Lampshaded. Becky's dance is depicted as genuinely awful (on top of the performance itself being extremely tasteless), despite Gladys' efforts to play up its quality.
- Karmic Death: After murdering a classmate, Becky is immolated in a gas explosion.
- Love Makes You Crazy: Becky doesn't take it too well when Brett shows an obvious attraction to Amber... so he ends up with a bullet in his head.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: In a fit of impatience, Becky disparages the judges by saying they let a retard count the votes.
- Rule of Symbolism: For the "Proud to be an American" segment, Becky selected Mount Rushmore and said it's because the nation's founders put great faces on an ugly mountain. Not only did she make space for her own face to be featured, but Mount Rushmore was sculpted with dynamite, showcasing Becky's vanity and destructive tendencies.
- This Is Gonna Suck: When Becky realizes the gas-scented swan just caught fire, she gives out a resigned "shit" before perishing in flames.
- Token Evil Teammate: Becky's the nastiest of the Mount Rose contestants, being the only one to never show any solidarity or friendship despite her claims of moral superirority.
- Yandere: Boy, she sure doesn't want her boyfriend to look at anyone else...
Lisa Swenson
Played by: Brittany Murphy
One of Amber's best friends.- Annoying Laugh: Lisa's laugh is long, polyphonic, and full of snorts.
- Big Damn Heroes: Lisa forfeits and gives Amber her costume so her friend can compete after Gladys stole her costume.
- Genki Girl: Lisa's very peppy. She giggles in just about every scene.
- Loophole Abuse: After Amber's costume for the talent section of the show is stolen, Gladys attempts to prevent Amber competing even with a new costume on the grounds that all costumes have to be pre-approved a week in advance even when Amber's wearing a simple black leotard that shouldn't be "offensive" to anyone. Lisa provides another loophole by giving Amber her costume, reasoning that her costume was approved previously and she was never going to win the contest anyway while Amber has a better shot.
- Nice Girl: Lisa dropped out of the pageant so she could give Amber her costume so she can compete.
- Politically Incorrect Hero: "Did you guys know the retard's pants are open?" She's a Nice Girl nonetheless.
- The Unfavorite: Lisa is implied to be this in her family. She suspects her parents only had her so her brother would have a nearby organ donor.
Leslie Miller
Played by: Amy Adams
Head cheerleader.- Brainless Beauty: Since she's a cheerleader, she's naturally good-looking. Leslie needs her boyfriend to tell her that "second runner-up" means she came in third place.
- Disposable Sex Worker: After high school Leslie became a table dancer. She disappeared under mysterious circumstances.
- Distracted by the Sexy: Leslie stops her interview to make out with her boyfriend.
- Does This Remind You of Anything?: Leslie running her hand up the Washington Monument replica on her head during the opening number of the pageant.
Jenelle Betz
Played by: Sarah Stewart
A contestant who performs in sign language.- Anvil on Head: Jenelle goes deaf after a light is dropped on her during rehearsal.
- The Pollyanna: She's very cheerful and isn't the least bit upset when her injury leaves her deaf.
Tess Weinhaus
Played by: Shannon Nelson
A dog enthusiast.- The Chew Toy: Quite literally at one point, when she mentions her last dog mauled her. She also hits her crotch, had a bolt from a plane hit her in the head, and blows chunks during the pageant.
- Groin Attack: A rare female example occurs during dance practice. Poor, poor Tess...
- Innocent Inaccurate: "Spike, my German shepherd, he went to live with a nice family on a farm after he attacked me..."
- No Social Skills: Her interview ends with her showing off a nasty scar on her abdomen and saying the replacement skin came from her butt. She also does quite badly during the pageant itself, having a fairly mundane bit during the "Proud to be an American" portion and her talent is mimicking dog barks.
- Shrinking Violet: Tess is a nervous girl who rarely smiles.
Michelle Johnson
Played by: Laurie Sinclair
A contestant that belongs to the local drama club.- Bad "Bad Acting": Her warm-up is implied to take a long time and completely baffles the judges. For her actual performance, Michelle quotes Soylent Green with overly-dramatic flair.
Molly Howard
Played by: Tara Redepenning
A contestant that was adopted by Japanese expats.- Eagleland: She dresses like a cowgirl for her performance.
- Happily Adopted: To the detriment of their biological daughter, who's practically ignored.
- Immigrant Patriotism: Indirectly, being adopted by Japanese migrants who love American culture.
Tammy Curry
Played by: Brooke Elise Bushman
A multi-talented entrant.- The Ace: Tammy Curry has a reputation for excelling at everything she does (track, soccer, and the gun club), is an early favorite to win the beauty pageant, and is one of the only girls who is looking beyond the pageant when she enters it, being intrigued by the scholarship offers.
- Does This Remind You of Anything?: Tammy's rides on her dad's thresher."But I know for a fact Tammy only smoked after a good drive."
- Tomboy with a Girly Streak: Tammy is a varsity soccer player and track runner, the president of a gun club, smokes, and enjoys driving her father's thresher. She's also competing in a beauty pageant and is a favorite to win.
Pageant Judges
John Dough
Played by: Matt Molloy
The local chemist.- Cigarette of Anxiety: He's first introduced having a smoke and he stammers when his motives for accepting the judge position begin to sound suspicious.
- Dirty Old Man: He's a little too excited to be observing 17-year-old girls in makeup and tight costumes.
- Distracted by the Sexy: He's caught spying on the girls while they rehearse with a camera in hand.
- Karma Houdini: The corrupt pageant judge John Dough (a possible ephebophile) doesn't really get any comeuppance.
- Punny Name: John Dough sounds like John Doe.
- Suspiciously Specific Denial: John Dough does this all the time.
Harold Vilmes
Played by: Mike McShane
Owner of a hardware store.- Dropped a Bridge on Him: Sometime after the pageant, Harold gets bitten by a deer tick and died from Lyme disease.
- Foolish Sibling, Responsible Sibling: The responsible to Hank's foolish.
- Hypocritical Heartwarming: Harold will beat Hank out of irritation, but he has to look after him while running a business and grieving for their dead mother. When John Dough tries to hit Hank, Harold rushes to his brother's defense.
Jean Kangas
Played by: Lona Williams
An otherwise unspecified judge.- Butt-Monkey: Lester slaps her ass in her introductory scene.
- Creator Cameo: She's played by writer and producer Lona Williams.
- The Voiceless: We never hear Jean say a single word.
Miscellaneous
Lester Leeman
Played by: Sam McMurray
Husband of Gladys and father of Becky, whose business is in furniture.- Alliterative Name: Lester Leeman
- Honest John's Dealership: Lester Leeman is a sleazy furniture salesman.
- Politically Incorrect Villain: He's not quite villainous- that's his wife- but Lester Leeman is pretty sexist, and throws out racist remarks against Jews, Mexicans, and black people in most of his appearances.
Annette Atkins
Played by: Ellen Barkin
Amber's trailer-dwelling mother.- Alliterative Name: Annette Atkins
- An Arm and a Leg: Annette loses her right hand when her trailer catches fire and her hand is basically melted onto a can of beer she was drinking at the time, forcing it to be amputated.
- Follow in My Footsteps: Averted. Annette fears that Amber will turn out just like her and end up spending her entire life in Mount Rose.
- Jaded Washout: Annette was impregnated and the father abandoned her. She lives in a trailer park and developed at least two addictions while Amber grew up. Then her trailer exploded and she lost a hand.
Loretta
Played by: Allison Janney
Annette's best friend and neighbor.- Deadpan Snarker: Loretta has many snarky and hilarious one-liners.
- Lovable Sex Maniac: Loretta tries flirting with a stranger at the hotel bar, only to notice his wedding ring. She immediately starts flirting with the bartender instead.
- Parental Substitute: After the Atkins trailer blows up and Annette is hospitalized, Loretta steps in to help prepare Amber for the pageant.
Hank Vilmes
Played by: Will Sasso
Harold's mentally-disabled brother.- Big Fun: A heavyset manchild who goofs off in every scene.
- Dope Slap: He embarrasses Harold during his interview by smacking him in the head. To be fair, Harold hit him first out of irritation.
- Everyone Has Standards: Even Hank thinks Michelle's warm-up excercise was a bit much.
- Foolish Sibling, Responsible Sibling: The foolish to Harold's responsible.
- Funny Background Event:
- During Harold's interview, Hank inhales spraypaint and run face-first into a glass wall
- When the contestants are being interviewed, Hank distracts them by taking his pants off and headbangs when Amber names and spells out the fifty states.
Mary Johanson
Played by: Alexandra Holden
The previous Mount Rose Pageant winner.- Baldness Means Sickness: A chunk of Mary's hair comes out when Amber brushes it a little too hard. Eating disorders can lead to hair loss.
- Shadow Archetype: Mary's current predicament is a cautionary tale of what awaits the other contestants if they let the competitive nature of the pageant take over their lives.
- Stepford Smiler: She lipsynchs "Don't Cry Out Loud" despite being visibly unfit for physical performance.
- Weight Woe: She developed anorexia in order to get thin enough for her performance. A year later and she's unable to stand up or look after herself.
