Corrupt-a-wish.

Granted, it's poisoned.

I wish for the ability to do anything.

Granted, you have no idea what to do.

I wish to wish.

Granted. Your wishes, however, never occur due to the nature of the wish. You and your wishes are stuck in a casual loop in which there are constantly happening, but also never occuring.

I wish Jacques Derrida wrote an essay deconstructing the comic book medium.

Edited by KeironCioran on Feb 18th 2019 at 1:33:07 AM

Granted, it was So Bad Its Horrible.

I wish for a paint brush!

Granted, it has metal hairs, which would make it sort of hard to paint on a canvas without shredding it.

I wish for the ability to stop and restart time for up to five minutes per use, with unlimited uses, at whatever time I want, at no cost to me or the surrounding universe I’m in.

Granted. Due to time being frozen you cannot move.

I wish I had the body I want.

Granted. It does, however, require a strict diet. Failing to meet that diet can result in a burning sensation until you go back onto stated diet.

I wish for some Macaroni and Cheese.

Edited by AzurePaladin on Feb 19th 2019 at 7:48:43 AM

Granted. But the noodles are made from pencil shavings.

I wish Karl Marx was still alive.

Granted, but he took over the world and killed everybody.

I wish my birthday was on April 20.

Granted, everyone mocks you for it.

I wish Trump would die of natural causes right now.

Trump dies, and you get falsely accused of poisoning him.

I wish for a kind, caring girlfriend who isn't cursed by this wish in any way.

Granted, but everyone gets jealous of you and you're constantly being attacked by other people who are interested in her.

I wish I could play Fantine in a production of Les Miserables.

OK, you are cast as Fantine. Too bad you get laryngitis on opening night.

I wish for a big tiddy anime girlfriend.

Granted. Your new waifu has all the personality of an unactivated Persocom and you can't form a meaningful connection with her.

I wish King Harkinian knew what was for dinner.

Granted. This just makes everything even more wonkier and narm-filled. Good job.

I wish for a ADFX-02 Morgan.

I mean, I am aware I would be unable to fly it, but...still.

Edited by hanwen1234 on Feb 21st 2019 at 4:34:35 AM

You manage only to turn on the engine, and can't figure out how to turn it off. You try climbing out, only to slip and get sucked into the turbine.

I wish to never get any older than I am now. Essentially, immortality without aging.

Granted. You trip and break your neck before landing face first in cow feces, not only will you never age, you will also be forever remembered as the idiot who broke their neck on a pile of crap

I wish my house would clean itself

Granted. Can´t have a dirty house if there is no house.

I wish for a balloon.

Granted. The balloon, however, comes into existence in your stomach, and inflates itself with no way to stop it. Its also resistant to breaking.

Have fun.

I wish for the night to last a few more hours, so I can get some sleep.

Edited by AzurePaladin on Feb 20th 2019 at 11:37:55 AM

Granted. However, the night is eternal. And so is the sleep

I wish Stevie Nicks would notice me.

Edited by KeironCioran on Feb 20th 2019 at 10:35:32 AM

Granted. She's now Yandere for you.

I wish for the ability to shapeshift in such a way that I can perfectly mimic the appearance , voice, and abilities of any fictional character of my choosing.

Granted, you’re experimented on by the military trying to copy your power.

I wish to make better corruptions.

Granted, your corruptions escape from the corruptor and brick your PC.

I wish for a tub of Oxi-Clean.

Granted, but now you have to live in a house with Barry Scott for a year, and he does nothing but pitching some of Billy Mays' failed products to you.

EDIT (because my previous idea was dumb): I wish we'd taken the allegations against R. Kelly more seriously years ago.

Edited by WillyFourEyes on Feb 27th 2019 at 2:40:55 PM

BUMP. Well, that was a pretty dumb idea. Time for something else...

I wish money trees existed, and I could actually grow one in my front yard.