All Purpose Nanoha Fanfiction Thread!

edited 23rd Sep '13 1:36:19 PM by doineedaname

Not such a good idea; unless you're going to make a clone of Material-L.

What will your OC be like? There are plenty of Japanese names that reflect your character if you but look around.

Name her after a car! That is the Nanoha Way! How about... Jeepney? Accord? Lancer?

BTW, link to those previous fics, especially the one with the onsen scene?

edited 8th Feb '11 6:15:34 AM by SCMof2814

The links are on my troper profile.

And I'm gonna start on Twin Fates chapter 7 as soon as I finish beta-reading that Harry Potter / SRW crossover.

edited 23rd Sep '13 1:36:30 PM by doineedaname

Hmm, none of my MGLN OCs have japanese names. I worry that I'd botch the meanings of them, since I'm not fluent in japanese at all. Plus, none of them are from japan, so it makes sense.

Speaking of names, I only just realised that I seem to have accidentally averted the One-Steve Limit by naming a major OC Mariel. I'd forgotten about that particular canon character. Should I try and change her name, or stick with it?

edited 10th Feb '11 2:20:48 AM by Gaunt88

Me, I use Vehicular Theme Naming to indicate Mid-Childan ancestry, and regular names from a variety of nationalities for the Earthborn mages. It can be quite a fun source of Meaningful Names if you choose to use it that way - for instance, the insane renegade Navy lieutenant Florio Monza receives both his names from the flashy but notoriously unreliable Alfa Romeo brand, whilst the conniving Smug Snake Edsyl Pinter borrows from two of the Ford Motor Company's worst disasters.

I just pick whatever name sounds good for the character :P. I do have one car-name, though - Otavi, which I picked because it sounds exotic, and she's meant to be mysterious.

And that spoiler begs the question, Nitramy - which way around?

edited 10th Feb '11 6:54:29 AM by Justin_Brett

that sounds like a pretty good name mind if I use it?

If you need car names, here's a few but then again, I'm playing Need for Speed 2010. Lamborghini Gallardo, Mercedes-Benz, Porsche, Chevrolet Corvette, Dodge Viper, Koenigsegg CCX, Mc Laren F1, Bugatti Veyron. Cars, lots and lots of cars.

I've got an idea for a Nanoha fanfic. Its a slight self insert, but here goes:

After the JS Incident, Yunno, Fate and Nanoha finally discover their feelings for each other and begin 'seeing' each other as love interests. Unfortunately, Hayate plays the role of the Unlucky Childhood Friend and is sufficiently depressed and afraid of being 'forgotten' by her friends in their new-found love. To add to her stress, recent Lost Logia busts have been going south due to some 'Earth-based spy gear' being the new hot topic among the LL smugglers. Riot Force 6 is ill-equipped to deal with the group of Grappling Hook-swinging, spy-camera using, flash-bang blowing thieves.

However, a line is thrown to Hayate. The local Law Enforcement chief, hearing of RF 6's plight, directs the girl's attention toward a young robotic engineer / nerd currently among the ranks of Mid's police department. This young man turns out to be an intriguing source of both entertainment and equipment, sporting more gadgets than Batman and James Bond combined. Can this magic-less engineering wizard be the crucial key to both of Hayate's problems?

edited 11th Feb '11 8:46:22 PM by Anemoi

I can find no other Nanoha thread closer to where this can go. I present to you: Nanoha bloopers! Feel free to add more if you want.

Nanoha: "I think we can... I... I think we can remember our lines!" (Fate and the film crew start laughing) Nanoha: "Yes, Fate-chan, if we try really hard, we can remember our lines!"

Nanoha: "But we can't just leave her out there alone!" Chrono: "...line?"

(During the Nanoha vs. Fate fight scene, Fate accidentally smacks into the camera) Nanoha: "...You okay?" Fate: "Finland..."

Precia: (gets in Fate's face) "Do we have an understanding?" Fate: ...(starts giggling) TAKE 2: Precia: "Do we have an understanding?" Fate: ...(struggling not to laugh... and failing) Precia: (sighs) TAKE 3: Precia: "Do we have an understanding?" Fate: "NO!" (busts up, with Precia soon struggling not to join in) Director Lindy (also laughing): "Cut!"

(Nanoha blasts Fate with her Divine Buster. Fate's Barrier Jacket has been disintegrated... leaving her naked. She screams, goes beet-red, and tries in vain to cover herself, while Nanoha and Arf start laughing and Yuuno & Chrono try to control their nosebleeds) Chrono: "I'll be in my bunk..."

(Precia pulls out her Device whip. Arf, offscreen, starts humming a certain Devo song. Fate and Precia both start trying really hard not to bust out laughing)

Nanoha: "Raising Heart, please?" Raising Heart: "I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that." (the crew starts giggling)

Raising Heart: "Well technically, master, you're the one who opened the box, so you killed the cat." (Nanoha doesn't get it. Fate, who does, starts giggling) RH: "Cortana told me to tell that one."

Precia: "Fate? Where are you?" (Fate tries to come through a curtain-door, only to get tangled in it and land in a heap on the floor. Arf starts laughing) TAKE 2: Precia: "Fate? Where are you?" (Fate walks through carrying Bardiche by just below the axe-head, but her grip slips and the Device lands pointy-end-first on her foot. She starts hopping around holding her foot. Precia struggles not to laugh) TAKE 3: Precia: "Fate? Where are you?" (A certain silver-haired boy walks through the curtain) Fate Averruncus: "You called, madam?" (the film crew start chuckling. Precia turns around, sees who it is, and busts up laughing, while Fate A. stands there with a smug smirk on his face)

edited 13th Feb '11 7:58:40 PM by DKN117

Hey, it's me! Nanoha ficlet from Overlords and Overkill here:

Negi wasn’t seen for the next three days, which was immediately noted by his tutoring group, the literature club he’d gotten involved with, the fellow teachers he regularly went on karaoke with on Saturday nights, and the nice old lady whose laundry he help put away on Sundays. Stories of what he had been doing somehow filtered down to the relevant people. By Monday, the school was buzzing with rumors.

“Did you hear?” Mimi told Sora. “Negi-sensei was banned from a pool because all those girls yesterday took him to one and started taking their swimsuits off!”

“I heard there was this giant fight in the park over marshmallows!” Yamazaki said.

“I heard he was attacked by time-travelers, aliens, espers and sliders!” Haruhi cried.

“Oh, get bent, Suzumiya,” Alisa grumbled.

The blonde was in a foul mood, mostly because the author had always wanted to say someone was in a foul mood. She’d been poked and prodded by Amy, Mary, and lots of other TSAB people over the weekend, and the most they could say about her newest unwanted fashion accessory was “Wow, ain’t that weird?”. It wasn’t a device, and apparently not a Lost Logia, but it WOULDN’T! COME! OFF! They’d even tried prying it off with Bardiche’s scythe and Laevatein. Nothing.

Suzuka patted her friend on the shoulder. “Cheer up Alisa-chan. At least it seems to go with everything.”

Alisa whimpered.

Nanoha gave a heartrending sigh that froze the blood in Alisa’s veins. She looked up in time to see Nanoha staring at her soulfully. “Such sad eyes…”

“We’re already friends!” Alisa cried. “You don’t need to do anything to me anymore!”

edited 13th Feb '11 8:11:33 PM by SCMof2814

edited 23rd Sep '13 1:36:52 PM by doineedaname

edited 23rd Sep '13 1:36:59 PM by doineedaname

Jail was always willing to use his talents for mercenary purposes. See also, that little job he did for one Precia Testarossa. Just figure out a way that working with them would get him more research data. Perhaps they helped with the initial field-testing of some of his prototype models?

Um hi, I'm currently in the middle of writing a two-part Nanoha x Fate fanfic and wondered if you guys could critique the first chapter. I am trying to write a decent story and FF Net isn't always the best place to go for constructive criticism.

Anyway here it is.

Hm, I can see what you mean about FF net's reviews not being entirely...substantial. Unforetunately, I'm not going to do so much better, but I hope I can at least help you somewhat. If you have any specific things you'd like criticism on, that would be a big help.

First off, just a real minor thing, you've got a mistake with Nanoha's "Piece offering". Namely that it's a peace offering. Homophones are a bitch, but other than that and some comma abuse (which I am also guilty of) there were no errors to jump out at me, so kudos there.

Tone-wise, it's pretty cute...I guess, if you can get past the ecchi, that's still true of the sexual scenes. In general, however technically accurate they may be, describing arousal is a quick pass towards sounding like a bad romance novel. Just keep that in mind, and write deliberately.

If you want to emphasize Nanoha being not just "exceptionally cute [but also] kind and generous and just plain nice", it might help to have more scenes reflecting that. As it is, you've got Fate acting embarrassingly perverted, without the emotional backing. If you want to channel the "Accidental Pervert, Whites Out and hides in a corner" meme, you'll need stronger language to show her embarrassment.

Other than that...well, I'm not very good at this, so I'm running out of steam, but I did like the ending to this chapter. Quick and cute, and it does set up a potentially interesting Valentine's day plot for the second part.

Thanks for the advice.

As for the ecchi, yeah I had a feeling I might of gone a bit over board. Truthfully I debated changing a lot of that stuff or leaving it out. But the point was that Fate was landing in increasingly perverted situations and then leaving it ambigous as to whether it was subconcious action or genuine accident.

Still your advice as been taken into account and I will probably use a lot of it when writing the next chapter.

Can't believe I missed that misspelling though.

Edit: Also this is my first time trying to right romance properly, so I need all the help I can get.

Edit 2: You know what screw it. I apologise if it was too ecchi I'l try and tone it down from here on.

edited 22nd Feb '11 9:05:58 AM by PhoenixAct

I think my issue is more with the flavors of ecchi. "Haha, the hapless protagonist landed on the love interest" reads less like something uncomfortably erotic than "Wow I can smell her—". Ecchiness is good for awkwardness, just try and be sure that you're writing what you want to be writing. Where it wasn't edging that line though, that chapter was genuinely cute. Double points for trying something new (points not redeemable anywhere).

Also, yeah, the most embarrassing misspellings are always the ones no one catches first time through.

Fair enough. That bit was supposed to represent Fate's being uncomfortable with her attraction with her well, attraction. However I think something changed along the way and I really should have altered that scene to match. I decided to add the almost-kiss, so the conflict kind of disappears. Plus I was kind of uncomfortable with that bit anyway, I'm actually thankful you called me on it.

Thinking about it, I'll probably try and tidy up this chapter a little before proceeding any further. Too be honest the "cute" bits were actually my favourite bits both from a writers perspective and that of a reader. I don't have any ecchi planned for the next bit anyway, I don't like to do it if it doesn't serve a purpose.

Again thank you for the help.

The revised Chapters 1 and 2 of my Nanoha/Naruto fanfic have been posted on ff.net - link's on my troper page.

I rewrote most of Chapter 1 to give the reader a glimpse into Precia's putting her mind back together. How well do you think I did it?

edited 23rd Sep '13 1:37:11 PM by doineedaname

Several things:

1. Your story needs a beta.

2. You should probably post your story on the "nanoha fanfic thread" in the animesuki forums and ask for proofreading, beta reading, etc.

Bumping this thread with Section Thirteen's fourth chapter, for anyone who cares.