Hunger Games Simulation: Beyond the Possibilities

I don't really understand these changes, but you're saying that the Battle Royale now allows extra tributes besides the past podium finishers? If so, can those of us who have podium finishers nominate other tributes instead of them? I was hoping to nominate regular tributes next season.

This is not set in stone yet, as the next Battle Royale will be an experiment to see if it's the best way to give those without PFs a chance to join without alienating those who are used to the traditional setup. But with this season starting soon, we might have to revisit that discussion after it since more people chimed in about the time limit for next season's "nom period" than its setup in general.

EDIT: Kaf is more than halfway done with the first update, but he'll sleep first so that his computer can update itself.

Edited by TroperNo9001 on Dec 14th 2023 at 4:10:53 AM

Ah, Panem. The purple sky, the fires on the horizon, the smell of fear choking the air... it's as beautiful as ever. You'll struggle to go back to boring old blue skies once this is all over.

But we're not in Panem today. Times are tough, and hosts willing to brave Armageddon to enter that hallowed commentary booth grow rarer by the day. But we've been able to find someone... elsewhere. You see, there's places even interdimensional alien invaders will not touch. For good reason.

Let's pan down, deep into the Earth. The purple sky is soon out of view, and there is nought but cold stone and wet earth. We're not nearly there yet.

Further down. Soon we are hurtling through bubbling, hissing molten rock. Still not close.

Down, down, deeper down. Don't ask how the camera survives here, in the superheated, super-pressurised glob of metal at the core of the planet. It's irrelevant anyway, because we're still a ways away from our destination.

Darkness. Emptiness.

Then a burst of blood-coloured light, and we are hurtling through thick, curdled clouds in a deep red sky. Far below lies a silhouetted cityscape, its buildings contorted into monstrous claws and maws.

Welcome to Hell.

And there's further to go yet. Through smog and filth and sin we descend, layer by layer - Pride, Greed, Lust, Envy - until, at last, we're at our destination.

You'd be forgiven for wondering, at a glance, whether the Ring of Gluttony is part of Hell at all. The sky is a cool orange, as are the leaves of the palm trees that flutter in a warm tropical breeze. Where the upper rings reek of urban decay, here the air hangs heavy with the sweet smells of tree sap and honey. Even the scattered buildings make no effort to look monstrous - they're sleek and modernist, all tinted glass and polished stone, with a distinct golden hexagon pattern recurring everywhere you look. The whole place feels almost... pleasant.

They say a land reflects its ruler.

We pan to the inside of the biggest and gaudiest of Gluttony's giant Art Deco beehives - the mansion at the core of the Ring. It's packed to the rafters, mostly with anthropomorphic canines of every species and size, and cheery, upbeat pop songs echo over the PA system. This all feels more like the prelude to a big party than a violent massacre. On the main stage, under a huge honeycomb disco ball and in front of a rustic Panemian display screen that looks incredibly out of place amidst all this golden glitz, a downright bizarre creature - part fox, part insect, part lava lamp, all something resembling the end result of force-feeding Lisa Frank LSD - is chattering away to someone on the phone.

"...I can at least, like, eat on the job, right? I mean, for fuck's sake, you can't just talk about the HUNGER Games and not expect it to make me hungry- oh! Hi!"

The Colourful Thing, trademark symbol, quite literally tosses her phone aside and gives the camera a toothy grin.

"How ya fuckin' DOIN', everyone? The name's Beelzebub! The Fifth Deadly Sin, the Queen Bee of Gluttony, the Icon of Indulgence - and, just for today, your Host With the Most! I'd heard you guys were having problems finding hosts, what with all the, like, apocalypse shit, y'know? So they sent me a text, or two, or fifty, they were kinda desperate, and I was like, fuck it, sounds like fun! It's not like those alien assholes are gonna come crawling through Hell just to fuck with me, right? And if they do-" Beelzebub's eyes briefly split into a red compound mass, before becoming mammalian again.    "-boy, are THEY in for a shock."   

"You're not here to listen to me brag, though! Unless you are, in which case, understandable, I'm fucking awesome. You're here to watch a bunch of dumbasses kill each other, right? Then let's stop fucking about get this show on the road! AWOOOOOOOO~"

The howl is echoed by every voice in the hive.

THE◊ REAPING◊

"Man, this is one crazy fuckin' cast you've got here. I approve!"

THE◊ BLOODBATH◊

• "Marion just can't be beat? Piling on the ego already, are we? Nice! You gotta love a gal with confidence!"
• "Heroin?! Yeah, sorry, no way that shit's going anywhere near MY place... we do FUN drugs here!" Beelzebub gestures with her four arms, and out of absolutely nowhere, her entire audience are suddenly holding bongs and more than enough marijuana to last an entire HGS update. "C'mon, everyone, toke the fuck up!"
• "It's a one in seventy chance. I calculated. See? I can do, like, mathematical shit!"
• "...I wonder what broken images taste like."
• "Ew. Gross. What a waste of good spaghetti."
• "Uh..." An abstract shadow flickers across the broadcast screen. Beelzebub looks noticeably uncomfortable. "Depends on your definition of dying, I guess?"
• "I mean, like, who cares if you kill a grandma? She was on death's door anyway!"
• "And thaaaaat's DEATH NUMBER ONE!" Confetti and streamers erupt from every corner of the mansion as Bee's audience whoop in unison. Rest in peace, like, everyone who used Discord! Maybe y'all can go back to IRC?"
• "Dude, I'm, like, the announcer here. Shut the fuck up."
• "Hoagie roll? Don't mind if I do!" Bee snaps her fingers, immediately conjuring the most extravagantly filled submarine sandwich you've ever seen in your life, and stuffs it in her mouth with all four hands at once. "Mmmm... that's the good shit."
• "Aw, boo, I liked Tiffany. Pink hair is cool, don't at me."
• "Holy shit, a DEMON! A FLUFFY ONE! C'mon, everyone, lemme hear your loudest cheer for the home team!" The stands explode with cheers and triumphant howls as Hell goes all-out for one of its own.
• "Eight hands." Bee stares down at her own arms, numbering a mere four. "Shit, now I'm jealous."
• "...angels." Beelzebub's eyes narrow and flare.    "I fucking hate angels."   
• "Fuck yeah, engage that goddamn angel, motherfucker! I don't care how fuzzy she is! I'm WAY softer anyway!"
• "Oh, you wanna leave early, do ya? Tough shit, bro! There's only one way outta THIS party!"
• "Orange! My favourite colour! I'm not even gonna pretend I'm not biased, though... heh..."
• "BY GOD IT'S CLOVER WITH A STEEL CHAIR-"
• "Aww, the polar bear guy's seeing off his tributes! That's real sweet. Don't ask me why he's here when he's supposed to be in hiding. I guess he just really likes Dinty. Awwwww."
• "Urchin runs, uh... on his... fin tips? Wow, you guys were right, these events are some wacko bullshit. I like 'em already!"
• Beelzebub does a little mid-air cartwheel as well, just for the sake of it. Her audience claps politely.
• "...lotta motherfuckers here forgetting who the host is, huh? The Queen Bee does NOT appreciate randos taking her spotlight, jussayin'."
• "Hrm..." Bee conjures up a nice cold can of Duff Beer, takes a sip... and immediately spits it out all over the front row of the audience. -gag- -hack- "The Cornucopia's fuckin' right, this shit is NASTY!"
• "Damn, that's a lotta gold - no, wait, I could swear there was more a second ago... Like, it was a thousand fucking universes or something! Now it's, like, one universe - no, wait, maybe just a planet - no, holy shit, it's shrinking fast - -and I think it's stopped. A single gold bar, folks. Which K. Rool steps on and breaks, just like that. Huh."
• "Don'tcha just HATE it when you can't go two steps without being jumped by fucking angels?" Beelzebub glares right at the camera. "Yeah, I know how you roll, Gabriel, you prickhead.    Don't you dare try anything."   
• "Howard's got a point, y'know. If you aren't playing a death game to win, the fuck're you even doing there?"
• "LOOK LOOK LOOK! FOXY! FUZZY FOXY! Change of plans, we root for Fleet in this house now - and THERE SHE GOES! Killing a whole ass colour like it's fucking NOTHING! You go, girl!"
• "...yeah, no, I think assuming THAT'S an alien is the more logical thing here."
• "Some streamer guy dies, who cares, shit's boring, NEXT!"
• "Decakill, huh? I like me a guy who thinks BIG! But if you're gonna talk the talk, you better walk the walk, and Hand Hang or whatever ain't got what it takes. Boo."
• "And a buncha losers don't do anything worth talking about! Like, yawn, am I right?"

DAY◊ ONE

• "Goodnight? Sorry, buddy, the party don't stop till your heart does! Actually, does a year even have a heart?"
• "Fuck yeah, a million bucks! And all you gotta do to claim them is survi-oh. Uh. Iunno what the fuck just happened, but I guess Suzu ain't going home a millionaire."
• "Did you not notice Gabby has, like, wings? Someone tried this on me once, actually. What can I say, there ain't no intelligence test to get into my parties."
• "♪ Holy shit, it's Cocaine Beeeear! He... uh, does drugs and is... a bear! ♪" Someone in the audience snickers, but shuts up under the intensity of the Lord of Gluttony's glare. "Improv's fucking hard, okay? I'd like to see YOU do better!"
• "Guess you could say this Inspector's in a real PICKLE, huh? Ahh... corny jokes. Gotta love 'em." Bee spawns a pickled cucumber and absent-mindedly sucks on it.
• "...I could make a joke here, too, but I'll save it. The How To Train Your Dragon fans suffered enough with the second movie... -sniff- Still miss ya, big guy..."
• Rather than comment verbally, Bee simply summons a cracked coconut and takes a long swig straight from it.
• "Yeah, sorry, I don't do shoes. Especially not sandals - have you TRIED wearing sandals on paws?"
• "Dude. Bro. My guy. My man. Don't you think this is... iunno... overkill? Thanks for stopping that kid, Rex, you're a real one."
• "And here's Death - coolest Death, by the way, accept no substitutes - wanting to... STOP someone dying? Huh?! And, like, what kinda shit could make GALACTUS die naturally? Christ, I'm not used to being afraid of my own mortality..."
• "nooooo what kinda monster would burst a bubble bubbles are cool :("
• Bee screeches in pain and curls into a ball, clutching her huge, extremely sensitive ears to her head. Eventually, she gets unsteadily to her feet.
  • "F-fucking... never do that again, okay? We cool with that?"
• "Hey, bro, you want more arms? I could give you two and still have two left over!" Beelzebub laughs. "Just kidding, touch my arms and these hands are gonna touch your throat."
• "Screwdriver... dimension... huh... Eh, what-the-fuck-ever, if the foxgal thinks it's amazing then so do I! You go, Fleet!"
• "Sorry to break it to you, broski, but I don't think there's any timeline where Duff Beer tastes good. That Homer guy has shit-ass taste."
• "Mmmm, deep-fried fish. You might wanna cook it more, though, it's still moving."
• "Okay, so, Pokemon spoilers, sorry not sorry, the dog's a dick, which meaaaaans... either Camus's a real swell guy, or Hatihobei's full of real assholes. Hey, I can always go check where they end up once they're dead!"
• "Bro eats fucking planets with the people for seasoning, Virtuosa, you ain't special."
• "Sisyphus, my guy, you're really gonna cheat on Bouldy with a goblin? After all the long, hard centuries you've spent by each other's side? I'm, like, shaking my head right now."
• "HEY! Insects are cool! Don't you fucking dare slander my li'l bros by comparing them to angels!" Beelzebub's wings buzz angrily.
• "Wow, rest in peace. No, seriously, look how peaceful Marion is. It's kinda cute, not gonna lie."
• "Hey, who here wants some 'shrooms?" Several mushrooms of various shapes and colours pop into existence in Bee's outstretched arms, and a throng of paws reaches out to grab them. "Don't worry, they're not hallucinogenic! Probably! But the trip's gonna be fucking rad if they are!"
• "Again, I don't do footwear. But if I could wear fuzzy slippers I would! What kinda ass doesn't love fluff?"
• "Pew pew! And that's all Akame wrote, folks!"
• "The fuck're you piercing the HEAVENS for? Why not pierce the Hells? At least down here we know how to have fun!"
• "Mmmmmm... chocolate... Yannow, I hear this show's got some real fucking long ad breaks. Why don't I give us all some DELICIOUS chocolate to tide us over?" Beelzebub's crowd whoops in agreement with this idea.

FALLEN◊ TRIBUTES: Discord, Tiffany, Ace Dick, 1 cubic quettaparsec of gold, Executor, Azure, Yahiamice, Suzu, Stoick, Galactus, Akame

"Well, whaddaya know, that WAS fun!" Beelzebub takes a huge bite out of a chocolate bar larger than she is. "See ya soon, you sadistic motherfuckers, you!"

Edited by DubhKafkaesque on Dec 14th 2023 at 9:49:53 AM

Executor, even I gave you another chance, you still died within the bloodbath again, how disappoint.

Galactus, I am very disappoint.

Also, what's the "tribute's nominator temporarily uses an image of their hand to replace them for the Bloodbath" event meant to be a reference to, again?

azure already gets bloodbathed

Pierce the heavens with a drill? All you have are two doggers, Doggo.

It's a reference to a moment on the HGS server where someone used their hand as a placeholder image for a potential future tribute.

Huh, surprised at Scorpion being sad over Galactus' death.

Also, why react like this to Charmeleon running from the Cornucopia, 2025?

Edited by CosmosAndChaos on Dec 14th 2023 at 8:52:06 AM

"Hey, so I heard there were, like, technical difficulties earlier? Sorry 'bout that! Not my fault, I'm not the techie, I just host the damn thing! Speaking of, how 'bout we do it to it?"

NIGHT◊ ONE

• "Daaaayum, that's some dedication! I could never. Eat 50,000 calories in a day, maybe!"
• "Damn, these lil' fire lizards must really care 'bout their teeth, huh? I'm all 'bout dental health over here. Remember, kids, brush your teeth after you've stuffed your face with all the tasty sugar Mama Bee gives you!"
• "The shitty beer salesman is dead, boo hoo. HE'D have PSTD? How do you think cheap-ass alcohol makes ME feel?!"
• "Glad Alla Hjärtans Dag! Or, y'know, unhappy Valentine's Day for the poor assholes out there.    Careful, Sweden... nobody likes a party crasher."   
• "Wait, wait, hold the phone, since when did K. Rool have socks? Was Death eating all his socks the whole time? That's, like, a level of omnivorism even *I* can't stand for."
• "From what I'm hearing, Bokoblin horror stories are all about some little blond kid with a blue hood and a rusty sword? I don't get it. What's so scary 'bout that?"
• "Hey, hey, you can stop looking now! I got some cheese right here!" Bee conjures up a great big wheel of red Edam, then chuckles. "Okay, sorry, that one was real CHEESY."
• "...I'm calling it now, Anthony dies soon. I'd say, like, "place your bets" or something, but gambling ain't my style. We prefer GUARANTEED highs 'round these parts!"
• "You know what's awesome? Booze! You know what's really NOT awesome? Underage drinking. Remember, kids, Queen Bee sez - wait 'til you're older to fuck your liver up beyond repair!"
• The fuck's up with you, Minerva? Why would you say something so UDDERLY untrue?" Beelzebub cackles at her own terrible pun. "Ah, man, I could do this, like, every day."
• "Awwww, I wanted to tell a joke about how, like, a die made him die. Don't take puns away from me like this, dammit!"
• "Fuck yeah, more booze! 241 million people's worth of it! C'mon, everyone, let's knock one back with Uttar Pradesh!" One click of Bee's fingers later, her entire audience are chugging down bottles of some indeterminate alcoholic beverage.
• "..." Beelzebub quickly checks to make sure she's not fading away. Once she confirms she is, in fact, still solid, she breathes a sigh of relief.
• "Yeah, no, don't eat muffins made by an error message. That shit'll give ya, uh, let's call 'em glitches in your gut."
• "Uh... 'kay then! Dunno what the fuck that was, but apparently it killed four people, so there ya go!"
• "Sorry, Coke Bear, but you gotta be this sober to ride."
• "Hey, that little threat display of yours killed SOMETHING! Just... not what you were aiming at."
• "Johanna used to be an adventurer like you, but then she took an arrow to the knee! And, y'know, most of her other body parts too. Ough... that's gotta hurt."
• "A movie... directed by an error message... with fucking Gabriel in the lead role... Yeah, no, you won't catch me buying tickets to this one."
• "I think Bokoblins look ugly to most species, dude."
• "Hahahahahahaha. Trust me, bro, if angels liked that edgy shit we'd have waaaaaay less of a problem with 'em down here."
• "Mr. Rare Bear, I don't feel so good..."
• "Hm..." Bee hold both her pairs of arms out perfectly straight. "Guys, real quick, what's a T-pose with four arms called? A TT-pose? Heh, titty."
• "Hey, give the flower a break! I'd wanna talk to anyone I met too if I couldn't fuckin' move!"
• "So sad that Sisyphus died of ligma."
• "Orange doesn't exist any more, I guess. Good thing my crib's more of a, like, golden yellow! HA! Semantics, bitch!"
• "...no, I am NOT eating that. Just 'cuz I'm the Lord of Gluttony doesn't mean I don't have fucking standards."

DAY◊ TWO

• "Y'know, I was gonna invite Amelie here after this was all over, buuuuuut..." Beelzebub glances through her honeycomb windows at the dense palm forests of Gluttony. "Maybe not."
• "Banger beats? I got a few of those to spare! Beating the crap outta an angel? Fuck yeah, sign me up for THAT, too!"
• "...today I learned I'm a human. Or, like, will be by 2025? I don't know, dude."
• "Ugh... math. I fucking hate math. And to all the parents who're gonna send me angry letters saying I'm, gasp, a bad influence - like, demon queen, remember? Even Queen Bee doesn't want your kids acting like Queen Bee! Stay in school, pups!"
• "Hey, no worries, bro, *I'd* never judge ya for liking the sweet stuff! Come down my place sometime, we got enough cake to last you a thousand lifetimes! ...thousand... death-times?"
• YOOOOOOOOOOO FLEET GOT A KILL!!! GO FLEET! GO FLEET! GO FLEET!" The audience soon joins in, until the entire Palace of Gluttony is filled with an ear-splitting wall of pro-Fleet cheerleading.
• "Thought getting devoured would free you from eternal punishment, huh, Sisyphus? Tough shit, bro, eternal means ETERNAL! Besides, Bouldy'd miss you if you double-died, right?"
• "Yipe-" Beelzebub instinctively grabs at her own tongue.
• "Righteous hand of the Father, greatest of all God's creations, bringer of divine retribution, yada yada yada UGGGGGHHHH. Hey, Charmeleon, why don't ya stop philosophing and shut this motherfucker up for me? Pleeeeease?"
• "Hey, it IS pretty dark up Scandinavia this time of year, right?"
• "And Valka has PEACED OUT of the competition!"
• Beelzebub's mouth smiles awkwardly. Her eyes make it clear she's confused and a little weirded out.
• "Man, Rex is REALLY showing off his moves right now, huh? All I can do is summon infinite food. I'm starting to feel, like, inferior."
• "Iron golem - hey, like in Minecraft! I know that game! Say like have I ever told you guys how much I love those lil blocky foxes-"
• BROOOOO FLOWER DRAGON THAT'S FUCKING SIIIIIIIICK! Maybe now's the time to go get revenge on Bowser for all the shit he's pulled, jussayin'."
• "Fucking Heaven above why does everyone here love their fucked up nightmare food-"
• "Never got why a slam dunk is such a big deal. Can't you just, like, fly up to the basket?"
• We cut away from the arena to the source of the \m/ metal \m/ - Bee, using her four arms to play both necks of a double-necked guitar at once. She flashes a toothy grin. "Whaddaya think? Sick riffs, right?"
• CAUTION: Certain scenes in this Season could be immensely shocking to an unwarned public.
• "C'mon, peeps, join Sophist! Twenty-six pushups! You gotta burn off all those calories somehow!"
• "Hey, no, wait, go back in there! Your coke's gonna burn!"
• "I warned you about stairs, bro. But hey, if you're tough enough to survive that shit it's no biggie, right?"
• "...let's end this here before I think about the implications of that too hard."

FALLEN◊ TRIBUTES: Duffman, asdffghjkl;'dssasdftyjkhjefhgj, Delicious Schnitzel, IRL!Cocaine Bear, Unicron, Urchin, Johanna, Doggo, Henry, Orange, Dinty, Scorpion, Valka, Ron, Madoka

"This party's getting cuh-RAZY, huh? And it ain't anywhere near done yet, so y'all stay tuned! For now, this is Queen Bee, peacing out!"

crap my nominations were literally useless again

Fleet wins! FATALITY!

Also, how strong is that alien if they killed Unicron?

Edited by CosmosAndChaos on Dec 15th 2023 at 9:06:20 AM

As Homura would say: "MAAADOOOKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!"

And down goes Valka. Kinda impressive of her writing 50k words in one day though.

I hope Ushari didn't come back to life just to bite a fellow member of the Army of Scar and make him more EEEEEEVIL than he already is.

x5 Join the club, we've got jackets.

Of course Unicron dies immediately after Galactus. Guess I'll root for Gabriel and the remaining Cocaine Bear.

"Say... it's, like, nice up there in the land of the living, right? When you're not being invaded by, like, alien birdbrains n' shit?"

"...why am I asking? Oh, uh... no reason."

NIGHT◊ TWO

• "Awwww doggo do a sneeze!!! Seems Pickle Inspector's down for that cute shit! Death's just waiting for Okidogi to shuffle off this mortal coil already."
• "What's Gabriel telling the Talking Flower? Don't know, don't care, I'm just glad that asshole's talking quiet enough that I can't hear him for once."
• "YOWCH! Guess that's one more arm for the literal armchair, huh?"
• Beelzebub doesn't verbally comment on this one; she just cringes as her gooey "tail" instinctually bunches up as close to her behind as it can get.
• "You CUT your steak before you eat it? What a fucking lame-o, am I right?" Bee manifests a big, juicy medium-rare steak, which she immediately tears into with the energy - and table manners - of a wild animal.
• "Hey, look, it's Cocaine Cave Bear! Actually, did coke exist back then?"
• "You tell 'em, Mami! Wanna know what IS a superpower? Self-love! That's right, motherfuckers, you better love the FUCK outta yourselves, or Mama Bee's coming over your place to shower you with respect and adoration! So watch it!"
• Bee's ears twitch. "...just had to bring out all the horrible noises for the host with ears bigger than her head, didn't ya?"
• "You're probably asking yourself, hey, o Queen of all things moist n' delicious, what do YOU grill with? My answer is, what kinda loser cares? Propane, charcoal, hellfire - whatever works!"
• "Mmmm, venison."
• "Guess it really is a BROKEN image now, huh?"
• "Hell yeah, go Fleet! Oh, what's that I hear? Graverobbing is bad? Pffffft - nahhhhhhhhhhh, it's not like they're using that shit any more, right?"
• "No hotlinks, but plenty of hot lead! Man, just looking at that's making me want Swiss cheese."
• "Au contraire, Marion - Cody can keep her! Maybe he could even teach her how to loosen up a little, iunno."
• "Aw, that's my fellow demon out of it. Adeus, Amelie."
• "Oh oh oh! If ya need a singer, guess who's willing to lend ya a hand or four?"
• "Lotta burning camps 'round these parts, huh? Remember, kids, only YOU can prevent HGS fires!"
• "Wait, if they're headless then how do you expect them to drink tea? Damn, Charmeleon really HAS gone fuckin' nuts."
• "...I can't say shit, most of my attempts to work computers go like this. Listen, I'm an antediluvian creature of primordial sin! An old lady! I can't help it if I look REAL good for my age!"

DAY◊ THREE

• "Hands in the air, assholes! Will it save ya? Fuck no, but at least Marion gave you a warning, right?"
• "CANDY!!!" Bee's excited yell immediately causes an explosion of candy to erupt from every corner of her vast mansion. As the crowd scrabbles and fights over the sweet treats, she smirks. "Beat THAT, Candy Cadet."
• "Right now I bet Death's thinking, "why haven't I had to reap this asshole yet? Oh, wait, I did, in 1960.""
• "Aww, will you look at that, a little flower dude's come to say hi to Clover- WAIT HOLY SHIT IT'S STABBED THEM! WITH ITS VINES! They're fucking dead, bro! I've heard of flowers on graves, but I ain't never seen a flower put someone IN the grave!"
• "Mecha-Tribbles? Uh, fuck yeah, I guess? I gotta ask, what's the point of something that literally does nothing but be a huggable fuzzball if it's all, like, cold 'n' metallic?"
• "Oh wow, like, where did Anthony's limbs go? Not fooling anyone, flower boy."
• "Y'know, I ain't seeing any blackbirds 'round Clover's body, but I DO see a bluebird..."
• "Dude, look at yourself, you've already got "big" down! Strong... eeeeh, I dunno, maybe we should ask the ape guy if you ever put up a good fight."
• "Goddaaaaaamn, the bear is POPPING OFF! We got a clear frontrunner for Mass Murderer now! Exciting, huh?"
• "Well? Could a loser push a giant fuck-off boulder up a hill for thousands of years without breaking a fuckin' SWEAT? Huh? HUH?!?"
• "...this feels vaguely racist."
• Beelzebub sighs and, using her four arms, plays two simultaneous rimshots on an oversized drumset.
• "Like, fuckin' OUCH. But I guess that's what happens when you're stupid enough to bully the King of the Koopas, right?"
• "Gasp! Minerva's long-lost sibling is... nonexistent! Just goes to show, there's worse things than being disowned."
• "Boy, Shinichi's being reeeeeal relatable right now! Big fan of "hair of the dog" hangover relief, here, but that's just me."
• "Heeeere, kitty kitty kitty! "C'mooooon, hunt the tasty-looking rabbit for Mama Bee, please?"
• "I guess the least populated territory on Earth's, like, as good a place as any to put a prison? Least the locals are keeping this kid company. How sweet!"
• "...Mami. Do me a favour and go look up a plot summary of your show sometime, okay? Actually, no, don't, you'd learn what happens to you."
• "Bro, why are you fighting? If I met my mirror clone, I'd team up with her and throw, like, the SICKEST two-Beelzebub party ever! Only way to get a better party than a one-Bee party I can think of!"
• "Alright, cool! I'll be there to meet ya when it happens, kiddo!"

FALLEN◊ TRIBUTES: Virtuosa, Lithium, No Hotlinks, Amelie, Sweden, Movie!Cocaine Bear, Pickle Inspector, Clover, The Princess, Han Dang

Well, I'm out, at least Virtuosa got a kill before her demise, still kinda disappoint for being the first death of this update though.

Nooo sweden

Would Reirei be proud of her son for what he just said?

I see fate decided Minerva needed to match her son in the missing limbs department

i'm sorry, marion, you DID WHAT

Calm down, Bowser!

NIGHT◊ THREE

• "...that's one BIG fucking tomato. Just how I like 'em!"
• -horrified gasp- "EDUCATIONAL TELEVISION?! You really are the most evil creature that ever lived, Bowser! Even Hell isn't bad enough for you!"
• "Hey, deep fried anything's alright by me!"
• "♪ Been spendin' most their life livin' in a plumber's paradise... ♪"
• "Mmmmmm, pepperoni. Hey, between this and that giant tomato, the Tributes could make a GREAT pizza!"
• "Well, will ya look at that - Fleet's down to eat anything that'll fit in her mouth! I like her more every day!"
• "Awww, well, if it's rice you want why don'tcha come 'round my place once shit cools down? We serve everything here! And by everything, I mean EVERY-FUCKING-THING."
• "A birthday party... for a year that hasn't happened yet... how the fuck does that work? "Ah, who cares, it's time for GUMBALLS!" Now it's raining purple gumballs in the Palace of Gluttony, too.
• "Hey, don't worry, guys, writing's a bitch. I don't even have a script for this shit! I'm making it up as I go along! That's why it sucks!"
• "My soul freezes every time I look at an angel, too. Oh, what's that? My angel-hating jokes are getting repetitive! Good! Now you guys know how it feels to get a self-righteous lecture from those assholes!"
• "...what... what hands? Is that part of the cybernetic modification shit?"
• "Listening to this is, like, injuring MY brain."
• Beelzebub blanches so hard the colour drains from her trails of honey and moves to obscure whatever the Hell it is Death is doing.
• "You know what I wanna see? A literal volcano sandwich. Shit melts in your mouth! And also melts your mouth!"
• "Real keen on keeping Sissy here alive, aren't we? Hope he remembers what trying to escape death got him the first time! Bouldy says hi!"
• "Fuck yeah, this kid's got the mentality of a demon all right!"

DAY◊ FOUR

• "C'moooooon, why's it always poodles you gotta poke? Annoy, like, a wolf or something! Don't be such a fucking coward!"
• "Awwwww, tragic, right? Now Mami knows how everyone felt when she... nah, I won't say, she might be listening."
• "No no no, Fleet, what are you doing? Gobble those fuckers up while they're gelatinous n' delicious! Go on, do it for Team Fox!"
• "On the one hand, wow, Sisyphus sure ain't grateful for Gabriel saving his life back there. But on the other hand, he IS right."
• "Holy shit, guys, come quick, it's the Mass Headsplosion Fireworks Show!"
• "Disease is one of Beelzebub's domains, don'tchaknow? But if you think I'm gonna save Camus from, like, every terminal illness at once, tough shit! He caught those diseases fair and square!"
• "Death ain't willing to get his own paws dirty, it seems. What, you worried you're gonna be embarrassed like what happened with that cute lil' pussycat?"
• "Where'd you even get that shit? And why would you fucking WASTE it like this?! Do you guys pump some kinda drug that makes tributes stupid into the air? 'Cuz if you do... well played, bro, shit's hilarious!"
• "Four kills is four kills, my guy! I mean, like, why're you even surprised the angry bear is fucking people up?"
• Beelzebub looks straight into the camera with the most uncomfortably smug expression you have ever seen. "Me too."
• "Awww, lookit lil' Dogo, learning how to cook hard drugs! Unironically, I bet his momma's so proud."
• "Nothin' to see here, just Bowser being Bowser."
• "So, uh, I'm not, like, a philosopher or anything, I'm not equipped for big brain questions like this, buuuuut... how does splitting the memories of 25 people among 250 million people work? Does everyone in Uttar Pradesh get all the memories? Do they only get, like, a millionth of a memory each? Fuck, this is making my head hurt, can we end this here?"

FALLEN◊ TRIBUTES: Charmeleon, Broken Image, Boss Bokoblin, Crazy Castle All-Stars, Camus, Howard

And that's it for me. Oh well, they were joke tributes anyway, so no big loss. Good luck to the remaining contenders.