Slashers vs U.S. Army

Another slasher film related topic of mine.

Now, imagine every slasher film killer joining and taking on the U.S. Army. Or heck, taking on the world military.

Who do you think would win?

The army. Even though most slashers are superhuman, they tend to have the advantage because their victims are almost always solo or in small groups. Even Jason went out like a chump when they finally got the FBI to bomb his ass. Even if they can't be killed, they could definitely be overpowered and incapacitated by long range weaponry.

Well it runs on the same problems as the other thread: We don't know every slasher and all their abilities to have a good deal of the effectiveness of such an army.

Imagining all slashers were to become a unified army and tried to take over america [excellent plot for a movie, by the way], they'd give the army a pretty harsh time [Jason could rip through walls, he probably can rip through a tank's fuselage, and considering how many copycats of Jason are there...yeah]. The Slashing army would give a pretty tough time on the field.

Freddy Krueguer would also be a considerable problems, since he can just go around killing off all the high-ranking generals and throw the army in disarray.

However, the slasher army would meet its downfall through two fields: They have no chance on the air [there are very few slasher villains who can fly/posess some kind of anti-aircraft weaponry], bombings would devastate the more mundane slashers pretty easily. If they bring out the nukes the war is pretty much lost for the slashers, and they can't organize themselves for shit. Even the smartest slasher villains aren't versed in guerrila warfare [the cleverest I can think is reboot-Jason, who had some skill in hunting], they'd be just a Zerg Rush of unstoppable killers.

Unstoppable or not, they'd go down if they just charge mindless against the army [which they would].

edited 30th May '13 8:07:45 PM by Gaon

Honestly, as soon as the army falls asleep, they're fucked.

Anyone who can be taken out by a couple of scared teenagers doesn't have a snowball's chance in hell of winning a fight with the United States Army.

Keep in mind that a "slasher" does not automatically translate to "supernatural". Slasher villains are typically nothing more than psychopaths, some of whom stick to a gimmick. Good for dealing with a small group of civilians, worth jack shit against any armed force.

I agree with others on the thread: Krueger's really the only slasher villain I can think of that could actually be a legitimate threat, mostly due to his control of dreams. Most of the others are basically cannon fodder, and even the few who're supernatural in nature could still be taken down with a few bombings.

There are some that don't die, EVER, like Victor Crowley, or Horace Pinker. But I'm sure eventually the Army would eventually resort to measures over-the-top that they might somehow win against such villains.

If it can't die, it can probably still be tricked into falling into an incredibly deep pit, or impaled in some way that it cannot get itself free, or hurled to the bottom of the ocean until the water pressure becomes too great for it to move, or given some kind of weight to keep it from moving very fast.

edited 30th May '13 11:31:33 PM by Tuckerscreator

What he said. Just because something can't be killed doesn't mean it can't be contained or otherwise stopped.

Hooray for Sealed Evil in a Can.

I'm reminded of the time a bunch of guys with guns run out to take on Mike Myers and he cuts them all to ribbons. A lot of the Slashers are indeed chumps only capable of terrorizing unarmed bands of horny teenagers, but a lot of others are Implacable Men that can only be stopped by very specific circumstances that the Final Girl got lucky finding. Or she just happens to have Psychic Powers.

I need to research this.

edited 30th May '13 11:19:11 PM by ShirowShirow

Pah. One professional soldier is worth ten calm, controlled civilians. If firing at the centre of mass won't work, they'll try something else.

Agreed, though, that Freddy could pose a significant threat.

Do these soldiers actually get to act like soldiers instead of Too Dumb to Live stock Slasher-movie idiots?

Yes.

Worry ye not.

There's a big difference between a wall and a tank's fuselage.

I don't know that any slasher flick villains have the ability to take down an Apache with a FLIR that is shooting at them from several miles away and can see them clear as all hell at night.

The closest thing this premise has seen to reality is Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash: The Nightmare Warriors, which had Freddy and Jason leading the Deadites in a siege of Washington, DC.

Anyway, there are various Walking Techbane slashers. Along with ghostly ones, dreamstalking Freddy rip-offs, and other supernatural entities those could cause a problem.

But really, in the end, this all boils down to the age old questions of "Who would win, the military, or an army of Supers/Mutants/Metahumans/Etc.?"

Now, before we say the Army wins just for being technologically superior, let's take a look at some of the more implacable and powerful slashers, shall we?

Jason:Does not really need an explanation.

Michael Myers:Same thing as Jason.

Freddy:If anyone in the army falls asleep, to say they are fucked is a major understatement...

Pinhead:Perhaps the most powerful of them all. He has survived all kinds of blades, bullets, and even futuristic energy weapons. In fact, Pinhead LOVES pain! Besides summoning hordes of chains and hooks to tear people apart, though, he can create explosions at distances, teleport, create illusions, and use telekinesis.

The Creeper:Not only is The Creeper an expert flyer, this means he could just grab a jet or helicopter and throw it into the masses of soldiers, causing mass casualties. Plus, if any body part gets damaged, he can instantly regenerate or eat more body parts.

Candyman:He can open his mouth and coat and unleash thousands upon thousands of bees, which also have the potential to bring down the military's aircraft.

Sledgehammer Killer:The killer from the 1983 SOV slasher, Sledgehammer. Besides being ridiculously strong and implacable, he can teleport both himself and other people and change between his hulking man and child forms, so as to confuse the Army.

Horace Pinker:Can absorb and manipulate any electricity, meaning he can mess with radars and missile locks and the like. Plus, if you tried to fire at him, he can instantly change into a stream of electricity and slip away.

The Prowler:He might not have survived the movie he was in, but he was pretty durable and was himself a soldier, so he could be a good strategist for the slashers. Plus, he has a Sawn-Off Shotgun.

Your scenario assumes that the US Army doesn't have Magical Girls or Teenage Monster Killers in the ranks.

Okay, now I'm picturing Kubey and Rupert in Drill Sergent hats...

edited 31st May '13 6:35:44 AM by TairaMai

Or the Ghostbusters.

This thread's whole premise pains me, because so many slashers characters benefit from extremely dubious writing seemingly as an explicit power. There is no rational, comprehensible way to defeat critters whose power is "whatever the script says at any moment, even if it makes no sense."

That said, "Jason can tear through walls, he can surely tear through tank armor"? No, just no. That's like saying that I can wrestle my pet cat to the ground, ergo I can overpower a tiger.

You don't have a pet tiger?

Time for some informed dissection.

WRT the list of the various slasher psychos and their "powers" I present the following:

Jason - There are more weapons in existence that reduce targets to their constituent atoms than I can care to shake a stick at. A carbonized lump of used-to-be monster isn't very threatening. And even presuming he does magically come back, we'll just do it again until he catches a hint and stays dead.

Myers - See above.

Pinhead - Having not watched his movies, I can't verify the usefulness of whatever bullets he survived. However, let him take a 120mm SABOT to the face and see what he says about that. Just because he's survived a "futuristic energy weapon" isn't exactly carte blanche for him to ignore the modern arsenal. Explosions at a distance and teleportation are neat tricks, but they're not enough to base survival on. Illusions are also fairly decent, but I'm willing to bet money that the illusions won't appear on any sort of advanced optics used by aircraft or armored vehicles. And though I'm sure the limits of his telekinesis were never stated, I'd like to see him lift a tank division, with each tank weighing 20+ tons.

Creeper - Regeneration. I bet he can't regenerate faster than we can atomize it. Flight. Is his explicit top speed ever shown? Can he break the sound barrier? Not very threatening to jets if he can't. Oh, and another thing. There is no such thing as masses of soldiers anymore. We do not do that kind of combat. Even assuming he could overpower and fling a helicopter (doubt cast on that), if he pitched it at the military, his only guaranteed kills out of that stunt are the helicopter's crew, because not only would a small fireteam only have about 9 people in it, they would move out the way of a crashing helo.

Candyman - Bees lack the movement speed to catch up to even helicopters. They couldn't possibly threaten aircraft. Even if they could keep up, it would require tens upon tens of thousands to short out one jet's intake.

Sledgehammer Killer - See Jason/Myers for impacable man. Now, his being able to teleport himself and others is a better trick than Pinhead has, but all he'll really wind up doing is presenting himself as an OBL type figure, which means that special forces will come find his ass when he's in bed and thinks he's safe. That appearance-swapping? That will work once.

Pinker - Radar does not work that way. Nor do guidance systems. The fact that he can turn into electricity is possibly the funniest thing ever, because that means that he can get taken out by troops that aren't even combat arms. Once we figure out that he evades attacks by turning into electricity, several different job classifications that explicitly deal with either electricity or electro-static sensitive items (read: every single missile and bomb in the US armory, period) would concoct the most elaborate trap ever and sucker the poor bastard into an electrostatic-neutral environment, and then hilarity would ensue. For us, not for him.

Prowler - Being a former soldier is nice and all, but that doesn't mean that his job explicitly had been tactician, and as there's no Conservation of Ninjutsu in effect, he's the biggest chump out of this entire list. Further, a sawed-off shotgun is explicitly hilarious, because he's got a range of what? 15 feet on that? A small fireteam would off this clown at their leisure.

And yeah, as Taira said, if it's slashers on one side against the military, you can just forget wholesale the possibility that the military doesn't have its own supernatural assistance.

You, sir, are my new favorite troper.

Seriously. Slashers are dangerous because their genre explicitly pits them against a handful of scared kids with terrible judgment, who make terrible decisions because they're too scared and stupid to know better. They prey on the defenseless. There is no reason to assume they would have any chance at all against an actual military.

edited 31st May '13 9:12:41 AM by TobiasDrake

The British Army did fairly well against Werewolves. They "won", at least.

You know what would take down The Creeper? Motherfuckin' ADA.

Taira can back me up on this, a PAC-3 would fuck that bastard UP. Or if it doesn't appear on the scope of the ECS I'm sure Avengers or Stingers could drop that bitch.

But slashers vs the U.S Army? Hell no they would not stand a chance.