A to D (Ass Shove, Bait-and-Switch, Deadly Gas, Distracted by the Sexy, Drugs Are Bad) | E to K (Fan Disservice, High-Voltage Death, Hoist by His Own Petard, Karma Houdini) | L to S (Stuff Blowing Up) | T to Z (Tap on the Head, Too Dumb to Live)
No matter the death suffered in any segment, the main cause will almost always be stupidity on the victim's part, especially when committing crimes, mishandling or playing with dangerous objects, or taking things the easy way out of pure laziness. Therefore, it shouldn't be surprising 1000 Ways to Die would get its own Too Dumb to Live page.
- "Fat-ality": The victim thought it was a good idea to have a friend perform amateur liposuction on him instead of saving money for a professional one. Predictably, he ends up dying when his friend's industrial vacuum accidentally sucked his intestines.
- "Micro-Whacked": A hyperactive drug addict is so hopped-up that everything in his room appears to run slow to him. He decides to make his lava lamp faster by heating it up in the microwave. Hooked on drugs or not, he should've known why nobody ever puts metal objects in the microwave.
- "Bad Hair Day": The victim made the mistake of lighting a cigarette after spending hours spraying hairspray on her bouffant to keep it perfect. Even dumber when you consider the fact that she didn't think to stop, drop, and roll nor did her boyfriend think to use his leather jacket to smother the flames had she not been too concerned about the state of said bouffant.
- "Cult Evaded": A gang of religious cultists hold an exorcism for their unwilling goth teenage daughter. Their mistake was performing the ritual by burning coal and incense.....inside an unventilated tent in their backyard. Predictably, they all die of carbon monoxide poisoning (except the girl, who fortunately was inside a layer of fresh oxygen, giving her enough time to escape.)
- "Offed The Hook" showed several ways a man could die in one segment. In this case, a redneck living in the woods was carrying a meat hook on a chain. He could have electrocuted himself by throwing it on a power line in an attempt to get electricity for his TV (even though he thought electricity was a form of government mind control, the guy couldn't live without watching The Glenn Beck Show), or hanged himself trying to lift an elk carcass, but ends up tripping in a ditch and impaling his throat on the hook.
- The two deaths in "Two Stoopid" emphasize this trope.
- Bungee jumping from a cherry-picker... without properly measuring the cord first.
- Mattress surfing on the back of your friend's trunk at 60 MPH ...without a helmet or any safety gear of any kind. And being fall-on-your-ass-drunk in both of the above instances.
- "Withdrawn": A bank robber builds a real neck bomb and straps it around his own neck to make it look like he's been coerced into committing the crime. It explodes when a teller's keyless remote emits just the right frequency to trigger it and blow his head up.
- "Oz-Holed": Two teenage guys hear about rock legend Ozzy Osbourne snorting ants. So they try to do the same thing with fire ants. Two things these guys didn't learn: One is that Ozzy was obviously smart enough not to snort fire ants, and two is that just because you idolize a rock legend doesn't mean it's a good idea to emulate him.
- "Lost In Transfusion": A crane operator addicted to cocaine tries to cheat a drug test by injecting himself with blood that matches his type, obtained by his girlfriend. If only he would've listened to her when she told him to keep the blood warm instead of storing it in the refrigerator.
- "Hacked Off": A guy hacks his own pacemaker to manually control his heart rate. This leaves it vulnerable to other wireless devices, such as the wireless controller his next-door neighbor's bratty son is using to play his game. You can see where this is going.
- "Me So Hornet": Shooting at a hornet's nest with a paintball gun; pretty dumb. Not running when it falls out of the tree right in front of you? Darwin Award Winner!
- "Gas-Hole": Drinking gasoline in replacement for booze? Dumbass idea. Puking it right into the open fire? You're just asking for death in this case.
- "Weenie Roast": The guy who peed on an electric wire as a dare. Even one of the other guys warns him not to beforehand.
- "Piss Offed": A guy with a urine fetish asked the girl he's had sex with to pee on him in bed... while his electric blanket was on and its cord was already worn-out.
- "Chicken Boned": Playing chicken with a stick of lit homemade explosives in your mouth is one of the dumbest games. One guy lived through that, and it was not the one who wound up swallowing his firecracker and choking on his own blood after it exploded.
- "Colon-Gross-Opy": Sticking a can of unused whipped cream up your ass and releasing the compressed gas inside you is not a good idea. A tomboyish girl found this out the hard way.
- "Die-It": You have to have fallen asleep in biology class to think swallowing a tapeworm is the best idea to lose weight.
- "Glow Job": It takes a special kind of dumbass to inject himself with glow-in-the-dark fluid from a glow stick.
- "Pain Saw": Even if your neighbor IS super-hot, don't swing a chainsaw around to try and impress her, ESPECIALLY if it's on.
- "Coming & Going:" Of all the objects this woman could use to get herself off, why would she choose her boyfriend's motorcycle going 60 miles an hour down a hard desert road? She's just asking to be roadkill at this point.
- "Cast Offed": An old redneck ends up breaking his arm on the wood splitter while making firewood for the winter seasons. Rather than spend his welfare money on a real doctor, he uses plaster to apply a makeshift cast on his arm. One month later, he brings over his illegitimate daughter to help him cut the cast with a table saw. While the redneck was extremely lucky not to cut his arm, he croaks anyway. It turns out the cast not only failed to keep the bone in place but was tight enough to act as a tourniquet preventing fat globules formed around it from traveling to his heart.
- "Hang Dunked": An arrogant bastard who invades basketball courts cheats to beat the players and rubs it on their faces. His biggest mistake was wearing a chain necklace while thrusting his head through the basket to gloat and accidentally hang himself as the necklace got caught in the net.
