A to D (Ass Shove, Bait-and-Switch, Deadly Gas, Distracted by the Sexy, Drugs Are Bad) | E to K (Fan Disservice, High-Voltage Death, Hoist by His Own Petard, Karma Houdini) | L to S (Stuff Blowing Up) | T to Z (Tap on the Head, Too Dumb to Live)
In most shows, a Tap on the Head won't do much beyond knocking someone unconscious. Not on 1000 Ways to Die - as in Real Life, take a blow strong enough to fracture the skull and the odds are that you aren't getting back up.
- "Fore Head": The victim was a thief who hid behind a virtual golf display in an arcade parlor waiting for it to close only to get impatient and cut a hole in the display only for a gamer to brain him with a golf ball while playing.
- "Her Own Damn Fault!!!": A lazy, lustful wife named Kimberly tries to seduce her husband's boss Joe during a tennis match, causing his own wife Leah to serve a ball to strike Kimberly in the head. However, the ball didn't kill her, but she stumbled upon the net's locking mechanism, releasing it, and hitting her in the head with enough force to kill her from a skull fracture and brain swelling.
- "Turtle Waxed": A couple of poachers, Mr. and Mrs. Chow, enter the Mojave National Park to steal rare species to sell illegally. When Mr. Chow is about to get his hands on a rare turtle, an eagle beats him to it and swipes the turtle off its feet. While the poachers cursed at the bird for taking away their opportunity to make money, the eagle drops the turtle... on Mr. Chow's head, breaking through his skull plates and destroying the upper part of his brain, rendering him unable to breathe and killing him of cardiac arrest.
- "Screwged": An old, widowed miser who enjoyed throwing rotten fruit at nearby carolers in the Christmas season falls victim to a hailstorm as soon as they left. He tries to get back inside only for a two-pound hailstone to fall on his head and brain him.
- "Hose Whipped": An incompetent rent-a-cop named Lenny hoses a group of animal-rights protesters with sadistic glee until it slips off his hands, causing it to go haywire, trip the bastard, and slam its brass nozzle into Lenny's skull, killing him instantly.
- "Tow F.U.": A tow truck driver who scammed people by putting up fake "No Parking" signs and overcharged his marks in exchange for towing their cars or any other service. However, his luck runs out when he tries to help a woman with a broken-down car and gets too distracted checking out her legs he hooks his truck into the car's steering rod instead of the tow link. As a result, the steering rod breaks from the stress, and the towing hook flies into his head, breaking his skull and killing him instantly.
- "Hammer Head": An ephebophilic janitor at an all-girls high school crept on the field hockey players by either using binoculars or filming them. However, he was so focused on filming the girls he failed to notice the burly girls in the track-and-field team training their hammer throws. One of the hammers flies into the creep's head hits him in the right side of his temple, causing an immediate skull fracture that tears off major blood vessels, causing an instant death.
- "Ghost Busted": Two wannabe ghost hunters named Chester and Lester enter an abandoned brothel-turned-house to have sex with the spirits of prostitutes only for a cloaked figure to scare the duo away, which turns out to be the owner, who does this in response to the break-ins into his property. While Chester dashed into the car, Lester descended the ladder out of the window in a panic leaving behind his open tool bag, from which a wrench fell off on his head. However, Lester didn't die from the impact, but from being run over by Chester.
- "Crash-endo": A talented violinist named May falls down the stairs while on her way to a concert but refuses to ruin her hands by using them to break her fall. As a result, she stops it with her head, cracking her skull and killing her in seconds.
- "Cream-ated": A man with a fetish for drinking milk straight out of cows' udders (a product of being molested by his sadistic uncle wearing a cow costume) ends up biting a teat, prompting the cow to kick him in the head, causing him to die from his brain bleeding inside his skull.
- "Cloudy With A Chance Of Pain" An abusive Russian pimp named Dmitri leaves with one of his hookers on their way to a client, but the girl locks herself in the car once she gets in as rocks rained down on them. The pimp uselessly tried to open the door but one of the rocks falls on his head, killing him. It turns out the rocks were the product of a failed cloud-seeding experiment, and the Russian government was so desperate for rain they used quick-dry cement to accelerate the process.
- "Homie-cide": A wannabe actor who got a role in a low-budget gangster film joins a Hispanic gang and endures their beating to get into character. After he gets accepted into the gang, his hopes are shut down after a rival gang dumps a corpse from an overpass, which falls on top of him causing a skull fracture and fatal brain hemorrhaging.
- "Velvet Dope": A pissed-off bouncer named Benny scuffles with two young men trying to get into the nightclub for touching him and knocks the awning bars over in the struggle, causing the awning to pierce Benny's skull and brains, causing the bouncer to stop breathing, enter a vegetative state, and die quickly.
- "Nun-F**ked": Wally, a geek who wants to get himself a real girlfriend, tries to show off his non-existent martial artist skills. First, he attempts to break a wood block with his head, succeeding in three attempts and softening his skull. Then he futilely tries the same on a cinderblock, which puts a tiny crack in it. Finally, he twirls a pair of nunchucks and hits his head, causing him to die from both a skull fracture and brain damage.
- "TK Uh-O": A boxer girl named "Poundstone" uses pills and diuretics to dehydrate herself and enter the bantamweight class to earn double the money she made as a lightweight. After her cheating in her first bantamweight match earned her a one-point penalty, she punches her head in anger only to end up dying afterward. It turns out her self-dehydration shrunk her brain and the impact caused it to rattle inside the skull, killing her of massive internal bleeding.
- "Pebble Bitched": Two brothers settle their disputes over Lula Mae with a tug of war with their trucks, accidentally kicking up gravel at her. She dies when a huge rock flies and hits her in the temple, causing massive internal bleeding and killing her in minutes.
- "USSR-Dead": Ivan, a Ukrainian immigrant seeking to join the Russian Mafia, is tasked with executing people who defaulted on their debts as part of his initiation. He does this by smacking them over the head with a tire iron.
- "Ich Bin Ein Stoner": The head of a German village was accused of being a witch, and was sentenced to stoning. While the stones did hurt like hell and caused some internal bleeding, it was a rock to the head that killed him.
- "Xmas-turbator": An obnoxious guy who hated Christmas riddled his house with ornaments to drive his neighbors mad. When he tested a speaker powerful enough to make windows vibrate, it knocked him off and his foot got caught in the electric wire, hanging him upside down. When he tried to free himself, he hit his head, which coupled with the blood going to his brain from gravity, killed him of massive internal bleeding.
