Recap / The Nostalgia Critic S 3 E 2

Release: January 12, 2010

Film: Junior (1994)

This review contains examples of:

• Big "NO!": The Critic keeps repeating this at the end of his dream sequence, in a very high woman-like voice.
• But I Digress:
  Critic: ...Devito still needs an egg to implant into Arnold. And a vagina. AND A FUCKING UTERUS! Okay, I digress.
• Call-Back: After the dream sequence, Big-Lipped Alligator Moment appears, first used in the Fern Gully review.
• Disney Acid Sequence: The "Boring" sequence, where bobble head Arnolds play guitar and a judge sentences the Critic to watch Junior as punishment, followed by maniacal laughter.
• Freeze-Frame Bonus: Why shouldn't men have children? The Critic lists why: ^note "It's morally insane. Men don't have vaginas. Men don't have uteruses. You’d be playing Genetic Monopoly. No man would volunteer unless doing it for a movie role. There'd be a lot more complaining. Abortions would skyrocket. EVERY child would be left behind. Men would never take care of themselves properly. A man could get pregnant just by jerking off (I think). Jesus would cry. God knows what kind of mutations would arise. This would probably be some form of incest. Every man would have his tubes tied. If a baby kicks, the man would probably kick back. No man is going through friggin C-section. Men are horrible at throwing baby showers. No man could resist alcohol during pregnancy. In fact, they’d probably drink more. No man is wearing a mumu. We’d just look silly. Our solution to losing the baby weight would be "Losing the baby." No man would ever have sex again if they knew a baby would come out of it—excuse me—out of THEM! Men have no practice. Men have no patience. Men have no... just, fuck, we're not doing it!"
• Hope Spot: When the movie leads to Arnold being Disguised in Drag, the Critic cheers up from his boredom, believing that the movie would finally "bring back the bullshit". All the excitement disappears when he realises that this would also be played seriously.
• Imagine Spot: Subverted. The Critic describes a hypothetical scenario that if Ivan Reitman directed Juno instead of his son, we'd get Arnold Schwarzenegger as a pregnant teenage girl, and it's played completely seriously. However, no imagery comes out of it, leading the Critic to exclaim that since he set up a joke, we should at least be shown something. The nightmare baby ends up being shown again.
• Limited Animation: The Critic pulls this off in live-action, when screaming among initially seeing baby Arnold and dashes off to the bathroom to puke, he leaps out of his chair and slides off-screen like a "Golden Book Video" Picturemation character.
• Nausea Fuelinvoked: The image of baby Arnold causes hours of projectile vomiting for the Critic.
• Nightmare Fuelinvoked: Before that, the image of baby Arnold made him scream like a little girl for almost ten seconds straight.
• So Okay, It's Averageinvoked: The Critic's main criticism of the film; he was mostly bored by it. He was hoping a plotline as ridiculous as "Arnold Schwarzenegger, pregnant" would elicit a So Bad, It's Good response, but no such luck.
• They Wasted a Perfectly Good Plotinvoked: The Critic laments that the movie had not taken advantage of the comic potential of Arnold Schwarzenegger being pregnant and disguised as a woman, resulting in a boring movie.
• Too Much Information: The Critic has this reaction when Diana describes being a woman.
  Diana: It's a nightmare! Your body goes peculiar with your first period, and it doesn't stop until menopause! It's a lifetime! The leaking and swelling and spotting and smears...
  Critic: Eeeewwwww, that's just unpleasant!
• Vomit Discretion Shot: Happens when the Critic sees baby Arnold.
• With Lyrics: The song during the "Boring" sequence ("Phantoms" by Paik) is merely a rock instrumental, but this review puts words to it.