Back to: Microsoft Sam And The War In The Republic Of My
Two weeks earlier...
Narrator: In the threat of civil war union, the leaders of the Communist Linux Penguin Army and the Democratic Radar Overseer Society have come to sign the historic treaty, which will divide the Republic of My.
Announcer: Order, please, order! The treaty signing is about to commence.
Everyone quiets down
Announcer: Thank you. I now present to you, the leaders who will be signing the republic of my division treaty along with their respective advisors. To the audience's left, we have the Democratic Radar Overseer Society representatives, Radar Overseer Scotty and his advisor, Radar Overseer Johnson. And on the right we have the Communist Linux Penguin Army representatives, Linux Anna II and her advisor, Linux Craig. Leaders of these two factions, you may now begin.
Scotty: Thank you, random announcer guy that we can't see. Right, let us get started. We, the Democratic Radar Overseer Society proclaim that the Republic of My will be separated into two countries! The society will rule the south of 460 square kilometers of territory, along with all of the baloney sandwich farms! The north, consisting of 540 square kilometers, will be ruled by the Communist Linux Penguin Army! Linux Anna II, do you agree to this treaty?
Anna: Yes, I agree to this treaty! But I must add one more point. If either the North or the South provokes the other in a way that results in the intentional loss of lives, it will end this treaty and war will break out! But other than that, I'll sign this.
Scotty: Good, we have an agreement! Treaty signed!
Announcer: Ladies and mentlegen, we have an agreement. The Republic of My is now two countries.
Loud applause
Present day...
Torres: Man, it sure is boring manning this radar station in the middle of fucking nowhere. Let's see what's going on in Baloneyville. This is Radar Overseer Torres, calling HQ. Come in, HQ.
Scotty: This is Radar Overseer Scotty. What is your status, Radar Station Zulu X-Ray 6?
Torres: Other than the occasional breeze of wind, um, absolutely nothing is going on. Um, life has sure been boring since the Republic of My split.
Scotty: While that is true, do you really want a bunch of fucking penguins stealing all of our precious baloney?
Torres: Aitch emm emm emm, good point. Anyway, any news from our friends in the United LOLs of ROFLica?
Scotty: Not much is going on there, but I did hear they were testing some kind of satellite laser weapon in orbit this morning!
Sirens start blaring
Torres: Holy crap! Something's come up on the monitor!
Scotty: Hey, that's my catchphrase!
Torres: Who showed up in hell ate a baloney sandwich. Radar Overseer Johnson, what do you have?
Johnson: Sensors report that an OMG jump jet has crashed about 5 miles southwest of the baloney mountain range!
Torres: This OMG jet, is it friendly, or does it belong to the communists?
Johnson: Signs point to communist. We don't know why they were flying in our private airspace. The treaty explicitly stated that no enemy military aircraft could cross the border unless granted permission!
Torres: Dispatch the ROFLcopter scouting party and have them investigate the crash site!
Scouting party flies to the site
Jackson: Radar Overseer Torres, this is Seargent Jackson. We are at the crash site. We've got nothing. No signs of any--wait a moment. Hold on, we've got a flashing red light coming from inside the cockpit. Wait, holy shit! Everyone fall the fuck back! It's a Linux bomb! Go go go go go, before you get infected---
The bomb explodes, killing the entire party
Torres: Seargent Jackson, do you copy? SEARGENT JACKSON, DO YOU COPY??? Fucking hell! We've lost contact with him! They have probably all been killed! Calling Radar Overseer Scotty!
Scotty: I believe the correct way to address me is: President Radar Overseer Scotty! Hahahahaha! Anyway, what's up Radar Overseer Torres? [sic]
Torres: Sir, a team of our LOLInfantry has been killed by a booby trap an OMG jet sent by the Communist Linux Penguin Army!
Scotty: [Hahahahahahahahahahahaha you said booby hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha I'm so mature Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! [Rimshot]
Scotty: Wait, seven of our men? That does it, put me on the secure communication channel I'm going to talk to Linux Anna immediately!
''Connected to the Secure Communication Network. Beginning program "LOLvideochat.exe"'
'Program begin. Detecting users...'
'User on the other line detected as: Linux Anna the 2nd.'
'MASSIVE SEIZURE BEGIN!'
'Udofiauaodfhfahgagadgfuaioudfaoiuguod agfhadsiduyfasuyasfdadlfafkadafiu ahdfad8iofadtueurfadgfadgaghaeryae8ryaw afdhaifuaifduasiudfyafuyadgfdsadfadsf adfasiodfuasidfuasifuahsdfhas asdfhasidfhasdhfas adufasdfyaifyasidfyui asiufyasioudfyaiofyas86r7e soisoisoidjfa jddfuaflololololo yuoiuyoujustgotcommunistrolledaoidufdufdsiufsaoifuaso'
Test bars
Supreme AI: Mwahahahahahahahaha! It is I, the Supreme AI of the internet, come to dominate the world. If you were wondering, Linux Anna II is dead. I killed her, in a very anticlimactic fashion. All I did was hit her over the head with a plastic spoon and she went down screaming like a bitch. I hit her again and killed her with my incredibly evil weapon: Windows Vista, the version so bad that it can't even run Pong properly. The Communist Linux Penguin Army is now under my command. Mwahahahahahahahaha!
Scotty: No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no, it's the Epic War with ROFL-9000 all over again! No I'm totally not advertising Akriloth2160's series, the Epic War! Fuck, History is repeating itself! I knew I should've paid attention in history class! No wonder I got 0.5% in that class! No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no!
Supreme AI: Heh, I was dead serious last year. I was infecting computers with the really sucky virus in the republic of TerROFLia. It was pretty awesome. But yes, history is indeed repeating itself. I hereby declare war on the Democratic Radar Overseer Society and the territory that they control: South My. I shall first use my USB starships against a random radar station of yours.
Starship: This is Linux USB starship #252, going for an attack run on the radar station, in South My.
Torres: Wait, he's coming for me! No no no no no no no no no no no no!
Torres is zapped to death
Johnson: Radar Overseer Torres! Noooooooooooooo! That does it, face the wrath of our OMG jump jets!
Supreme AI: Mwahahahahahaha, OMG jump jets against my unstoppable USB starships? Oh, this should be interesting. Too bad we can't actually film this, because that would be way over budget for Thunderbirds101.
Meanwhile, in the United LOLs of ROFLica...
Sam: Right, is everything set on the orbital ROFL laser?
Mike: Yeah, just need to activate the energy SOI cells, and we'll be good to go. Exactly what are we targeting for this test?
Sam: I think we'll target this huge-ass hotel in North My, where the communists got lazy and stopped building it a couple weeks ago, because apparently they used up all of their money by wiping their asses with it, since some jackass stole their toilet paper.
Mike: Strange, I thought Scotty paid a visit to North My not too long ago. He was in his throne room in the past two weeks laughing his ass off. Anyway, preparing orbital ROFL laser for firing.
Status: Warning! Warning! Orbital ROFL Laser is now charging. I'm-a chargin mah lazer! ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ, warble warble w-warble. Laser now ready for firing.
Sam: Excellent, fire on that hotel now now now nooooooooooooow!
Status: Alert, alert, alert! Targeting system malfunction! Opening fire on the United Speakonian Soviet Republic capital, Moscow! [Angrish]
The laser opens fire
Sam: Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! God damn these cheap-ass targeting systems! Now, how the hell are we going to explain this to the United Speakonian Soviet Republic?
Mike: We'll worry about that later. We have an incoming transmission from Radar Overseer Scotty in South My.
Scotty: Sam, Mike, get your asses over to South My at once! War has broken out! Linux Anna is dead! North My is now ruled by the Supreme AI of the internet!
Sam: What, more cheap-ass villains? You mean it's...ROFL-9000 version 2?
Scotty: Even worse! The Supreme AI can kill people with plastic spoons and is equipped with Windows Vista, the version that's so bad that it can't even rung Pong properly!
Sam: NOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT THE EPIC WAR ALL OVER AGAIN I REALLY DON'T WANT TO GET HIT WITH A RANDOM NONSENSE GENERATOR AGAIN NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Scotty: Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. Anyways [sic], could you guys come over to South My? Our OMG jump jets are getting annihilated! We need ROFLcopter assistance!
Sam: Fine fine fine fine fine! Launching ROFLcopters now.
ROFLcopter fleet starts attacking
Elsewhere...
Supreme AI: Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Microsoft Sam and the United LOLs of ROFLica have fallen right into my trap! The fools don't know that the United Speakonian Soviet Republic is on my side! Now it's time for me to set the ultimate plan of the universe in domination in motion. But first, I'm going to put on my trollface and not reveal my plan until next episode. Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
The Stinger: This video is sponsored by CleanAss Toilets Inc.! You won't get diarrhea infestation with our toilets! Sorry, Microsoft Sam!
Sam: Goddamnitsonofabitchpieceofshitmotherfuckingassholefuckfuckfuck!
