Welcome to yet another tribute episode, guest starring Tyra Banks. We're not sure which is better.
We start the Ode to Billy Joel at McKinley's first ever Career Fair. As you'd expect, the "career"'s shown are ones designed specifically so that no one takes them. There's one devoted to "fecal sculpture ". Yes. Will even notices, then notices there's no cubicle dedicated to careers in the Arts. Will, have you once again forgotten who's running this school? Sue reminds him in the usual style, her way of saying that the arts aren't a viable career option for most people. That and because no student from McKinley is ever going to become successful in that field. Let's ignore New York for a minute. Well, why not, we've been trying for a while. You know what else isn't a viable job option? Whoever gets paid to hit the Title Card.
Choir Room. Will tells New Directions that begrudingly, Sue has a point, in that the arts aren't viable if you don't expect to fail as much as you succeed. Therefore, because again we remind you Will's ideas reside in his intestines, he decides the week's lesson will be about a great songwriter who was told he would never make it: Billy Joel. Why not a week of Rachel's biggest hits? Oh, yeah, because they include "Run, Joey, Run", and we'd have to pay Dianna for "I Feel Pretty/Unpretty". Anyway, this leads to Blaine announcing he's auditioning for NYADA, while Sam has an interview with a lesser college. They're both heading to New York to get a feel of the land and help from the ND vets living there. Then, the both of them decide to have their take on a classic BJ. Yes. As the residual Blam fans squeal over the Freudian Slip, and Will facepalms, for he is married to someone who's never heard of the term, up goes the music and we see Blam are "Movin' Out", singing their way to Bushwick. Afterwards, we see Artie amongst the Career Fair tables, when he notices Becky in a beekeeper's mask. Asking her about her plans post graduation, she says she has none. This actually ties back to the events of Shooting Star; namely, that she's afraid of what's to come post-diploma. Becky doesn't think she can go to college, but Artie tells her there are plenty of Downs-friendly courses. She really just doesn't want to leave Sue, and we think that Artie is a hypocrite because of how he had similar fears about leaving home after high school. Make us think any more and we'll realize how shitty a guy Artie was half the time, even though it may have been part of his Pretty Fly for a White Guy nature. Artie offers to help, however Madam de Tracksuit arrives to take him away and "gently" ask him not to pursue this any further. From there, we cut to Marley's locker, kicking away a pre-planted bunch of flowers. See, as the amazing performance last time showed, Marley has dumped Jake due to his Puckerman DNA reasserting itself. The cheater in question then runs up and tries to apologize, but it's obvious that if you break a Rose, you get the thorns. Marley storms off as we cut to the Diner, where Rachel still works because she wants to keep her character as "authentic" as possible. That and she needs the check in case everything goes tits up, which isn't a bad idea. Shame future events will ignore this. Anyway, Kurt is asking Blam about campuses, and Blaine actually checked out NYU and Columbia as backups. Not bad Blainers. Kurt, as he is won't to do, ignores him and says he is definitely getting NYADA, forgetting all the hassle that he and Rachel suffered when they at least have much deeper emotional capabilities and layers than Blaine "Archetype" Warbler-Anderson. Confidence in the fiancee is one thing, but not acknowledging all possibilities is another. Then, Kurt points Blaine towards a piano. Yes folks, with Sam on the harmonica, we get a little something from Glee's resident "Piano Man". This is clearly a gratuitous excuse to get Darren Criss playing piano and singing live so Murphy and friends can wank over his performance.
After the break, we see Artie blatantly defy Sue (on that alone, Artie, you're an idiot), and hand Becky brochures for colleges. She reacts as you'd expect as we cut to the locker room, where Ryder, who evidently forgot the whole "Katie"/Unique thing and thus still has feelings for Marley, confronts Jake over his actions. Jake is officially unapologetic, telling him he's accepted his manwhore status, officially confirming as the anti-Noah. He declares this to be his life, this of course leading to "My Life". Afterwards, we cut to Sam in a dean's office. He has an interview for a scholarship in... something, somewhere. We're not gonna go through all the rambling, but the gist is he fails it, though as we already know the boy is tactless. Cut to Bushwick, where over dinner, Rachel tries to convince him to look for other scholarships (remember, he has negative money, not even enough to get a haircut) but he says he doesn't want to college and never has. It's not him, he's just been applying so he can prove he's worthy and make his parents proud. He's always really wanted to be a male model (no shit) and has had a perfect life-plan set since he was young that he's been following, but is maybe too scared to take any more steps towards now that he's all out on his own. Rachel says she'll bring over a photographer from the Funny Girl shoots. Sam is pleased as we cut to the auditorium where Artie again tries to talk to Becky, this time using the ND standby of musical "Honesty". Afterwards, Becky does admit that she's scared people won't like her at college. Because even if they don't like her in Lima, they treat her well, and she doesn't want to go to college where she can't scare people into submission and so potentially get bullied. I imagine everyone leaving her alone no matter what, but Ok. Cut to the school kitchen, where Marley laments to Mama Rose about how Jake did her wrong, yet leaves her flowers, but then paints himself as the victim. Millie, knowing how to make her kid smile, tells her at least they didn't do the "humpty-dumpty", then dances in an embarrassing fashion. Then, she tells Marley that the first time is something one can't get back. We refer you to The First Time and then shed a small tear. Cut back to Bushwick and a makeshift studio for Sam. Standard poses ensue, however we will point out something of future relevance, and that is Sam and Rachel briefly locking eyes. This will be explored next season, with an admittedly crude and obscene Alternative Character Interpretation attached. Anyway, the shots are made as we cut to Sue summoning Artie for a Come to Tracksuit meeting. Sue chastises him for his defying her, then says she's already called colleges about their programs. She says Becky's not ready, but Artie correctly says she doesn't want Becky to go. He then mentions the University of Cincinnati, only two hours away, and Sue puts him in charge of making sure it's good enough for her. Cut to Marley as Ryder approaches and drops all pretense in asking her out. Wow Lynn, you're an idiot. She tells him she needs some alone time, however she's apparently so overwhelmed that she forgot what show she's on. Yes, this is the signal for Ryder to declare himself "An Innocent Man", Blake's last solo, and said declaration is apparently all it takes for her to accept. Jake, who saw the whole thing, makes an unjustified Finn-style exit as we exit for a break.
We're return to Bushwick, Kurt trying to find an outfit for Blaine's NYADA audition, one that "avoids shocking patterns and anything that says 'Look at me, I'm the center of attention and this primary color proves it'". Basically anything from Kurt's wardrobe. However, it seems the nerves have gotten to Blaine, as he tells Kurt that he's worried that he's not big enough for New York, his first major Out-of-Character Moment ever. Kurt of course talks him down as we cut to Becky and Artie at the University of Cincinatti, an employee showing them around. She takes them to a class full of fellow Downs sufferers, so Becky won't feel alone, the girl looking more at ease about graduating. From there, it's over to the "Bichette Modeling Agency", otherwise knows as Tyra Banks with about ten pounds of makeup on. After Sam endears himself again, this time by pronouncing the name as "Bitch-ette", the Bichette in question tries to tell him that he's 10¢ per 12, and that the word "no" will be a familiar friend. Sam is undeterred, saying he knows what he wants and is prepared. This convinces Bichette to hire him, though he needs more photos and to lose ten pounds. Are we finally going to explore his bigorexia? No. Of course we're not. Fucking Glee. Another cut to Bushwick where it seems Santana's had enough of Blaine's existence and the music he's playing. He's trying to write a song to thank her for not being mad at him for existing while she let him stay with her. Bling would've been a better gift, moron. That, or a ticket to Boston so she could grovel for forgiveness from a certain Rainbow Bicorn. Nonetheless, despite Santana's pleas, with a piano in the loft, you know this is cause to cue up a song telling her she's loved "Just The Way You Are", with all joining in, ending with another Held Gaze between Sam and Rachel. Hmm. Afterwards, it's back to McKinley, where Becky tells sue about her experience, saying it was awesome. Sue is sad, but proud of the woman Becky's become, helping her with her application essay as we go to break.
We return for the home stretch, Ryder finding Marley and asking her to check Instagram. After a sweet pic of the then-real life couple, Jake arrives to pester. This causes Marley to snuff another triangle and finally declare herself single for the time being. Good Girl. We then seen that apparently Becky has caused Sue's heart to expand just enough to add a booth for the arts, saying everyone deserves a chance at their dreams. Blam return with their good news, as Becky calls them all crazy. Will's response? "You May Be Right". Sue immediately goes "no no no no no no no! Over my dead body will you inexplicably shoehorn in another Billy Joel song just to punctuate one of your weekly lessons that inevitably veers off into a saccharine barrage of angst and affirmation." Sue, you can't fight off the inevitable, as the entire school dances their way out.
Next Time: Glee, Master of Puppets.
Songs (all by Billy Joel)
- "Movin' Out (Anthony's Song)" performed by Sam and Blaine
- "Piano Man" performed by Blaine
- "My Life" performed by Jake with the Cheerios!
- "Honesty" performed by Artie
- "An Innocent Man" performed by Ryder
- "Just The Way You Are" performed by Rachel, Kurt, Blaine, and Sam
- "You May Be Right" performed by Will and The New Directions
Tropes
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Accidental Innuendo: Sam and Blaine's BJ. (Billy Joel) - Amazingly Embarrassing Parents: The Humpty Hump. That is all.
- Angry Dance: Jake performs one during "My Life," when he's confronted with his womanizing.
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Approval of God: Billy Joel liked the fact that the show was promoting his music to a younger audience. - Call-Back: To Season Two, when Sue almost-tortured Artie at the Junior Prom.
- Cold-Blooded Torture: Played with. Sue's instrument is an ear douche.
- Hollywood Pudgy: An In-universe example. Sam is told he's "too fat" to be a model.
- Similarly Named Works: "Movin' Out" is also the name of a Jukebox Musical featuring the songs of Billy Joel.
- Shout-Out: Ms. Bichette refers to Sam as "Midnight Cowboy." Sue also tells Becky she's the best secretary since a pre-collagen Melanie Griffith in Working Girl.
- Shown Their Work: Phyllis Diller was, indeed, from Lima, Ohio.
- That Came Out Wrong: Sam announces that he and Blaine will perform their own BJ. The squeals of fangirls almost drown out their song.
- That Reminds Me of a Song: How they launch into "You May Be Right".
