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Quotes / Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe

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Hob Gadling: [at a Renaissance Faire and refusing to get into the spirit of the thing] Thou look'st passing fair, milady, excepst thou manglest the Queen's good English and your tits are hanging out.
The Sandman, "The Wake"

The Alchemist: How is wild in "Wild Old Gentlemen" spelled?
Hank: The olde fashion way!
The Alchemist: The olde... What does that even mean?
Hank: With an E, Wilde.
The Alchemist: That's not wild. That's Wilde! It's a surname. Oscar Ding Dong Wilde!

Yes, your honour. Ye olde town crier here robbed yon convenience store, and stuffed the booty in his jerkin forsooth.
Dan Fielding, Night Court

Rohimmir: Saruman has poisoned the mind of the king and claimed lordship over these lands. My company are those loyal to Rohan, and for that we are banished.
Legolas: Oh man, sucks to be you.
DM: Oh come on, you aren't even trying. I know you can do better than that.
Legolas: Hark, thy fate sucketh?
DM: That is...much worse.

Towest thy vehicle to the curb and showeth me thy driver's license and registration. Did thou knowest how fast thou was driving?
Tom Servo, "The Undead", Mystery Science Theater 3000

Thou swell! Thou witty!
Thou sweet! Thou grand!
Wouldst kiss me, pretty?
Wouldst hold my hand?
Both thine eyes are cute, too...
—"Thou Swell", A Connecticut Yankee

Remember, the Mysterious Tavern Guy’s speech is not a crappy imitation of medieval Britishy talk, it’s an excellent imitation of a DM doing a crappy imitation of medieval Britishy talk.
Lore Sjoberg, Speak With Monsters

And anytime you're causing pain, hey dewd, refrain.
You know you want someone to drink ale with.
And what is with that crazy way you speak today?
Try adding an 'eth' to words you sayeth...
"Hey Dewd", by Midas

You two idiots keep that up and I'm gonna get medieval on ye olde arse.

"Why do you persist in talking in old-timey Shakespeare talk?! We're from Greece! From two thousand years before Shakespeare! IT MAKES ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE!"

"Ye hae ne'er glympsed a hatte whych be as grimm as yonder hatte ye glympse upon"
Description of "Grimm Hatte", Team Fortress 2

"Somewhere, Shakespeare is spinning in his grave."

"Navi! Navi! Wherefore art thou, Navi? I speaketh this in the Old English so my words beeth clearly dramatic!"
The Deku Tree, xanauzumaki's Ocarina of Time Abridged

"I hath telekinesis." [Voldemort] answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!"

Gray: The calm before the storm shall endeth noweth!
Man: Is "noweth" even a word?

Priest!Seto: How darest you accuseth the Pharaoh of not-ist beingst the most handsomeseth!
Pharaoh!Yami: Why is he talking like that? Is there something wrong with him?
Egyptian!Solomon: I'm afraid Priest Seto takes the whole roleplaying thing a little too seriously.
Pharaoh!Yami: Oh, he's one of them.
Priest!Seto: Now be gone knave or I shall smite thee with my Millennium Rod!

Steven: Here-ethhh. You can borroweth my mother's sword-ethhh.
Connie: Steven, that's so nice...if grammatically incorrect... But thou can't just givest me thine mother's sword!
Steven: Why not-ethhh?
Connie: Because it's really important-ethhh.
Steven: That's exactly why you should have-ethhh it. You can have all week to practice-ethhh withhhhh it-ethhhhhh.
Connie: (giggles) Thhhhank you.

Kuradeel: Wouldst thou shuteth the FUCK up?!
Godfree: Sir Kuradeel, what mutiny is this?
Kuradeel: I've had to sit and listen to you for months (stabs Godfree), as you run Shakespeare through a wood chipper! (stabs Godfree again) Is that supposed to be endearing, or something?!
Godfree: Got it, not a fan of the Bard! He is gone! You and me, we are on the same page here, buddy!

Martha: Verily! Forsooth! Egads!
The Doctor: No... No, don't do that...
Doctor Who, "The Shakespeare Code"

Aye, thereth she blows! Fullethest speed ahead and moveth rearwarded to Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe.