- Narrator: Once Upon a Time — or maybe twice — there was an unearthly paradise called Pepperland. Eighty thousand leagues beneath the sea it lay. ...Or "lie"; I'm not too sure.Ringo: Woe... is... me. [embarrassed laugh] [awkward pause] ...Liverpool can be a lonely place on a Saturday night — and this is only Thursday morning. [thinks] Compared with my life, Eleanor Rigby's was a gay mad whirl. [out loud] Nothin' ever 'appens to me. [thinks] I feel like an old splintered drumstick. [out loud] I'd jump into the River Mersey, but it looks like rain. [chuckles] ...Nothin' ever 'appens to me.Ringo: I've got a hole in me pocket.Fred: Frankenstein!
Ringo: Oh yeah, I used to go out with his sister.
Fred: His sister?
Ringo: Yeah, Phyllis. Hey, what would happen if I pulled this leever?
Fred: You mustn't do that!
Ringo: Can't help it, I'm a born Leever-pooler.Chief Blue Meanie: What?! The Glove is losing his touch!Fred: By Neptune's knickerbockers! She's puttered out.
John: Well, maybe we should call a road service.
Paul: Can't, no road.
Ringo: And we're not sub... scribers.
George, Paul, and John: Sub-scribers, oogh.George: Maybe time's goin' on strike.
Paul: What for?
George: Shorter hours.
Ringo: I don't blame it. It must be very tiring being time, mustn't it?
Ringo: Well, it's a 24-hour day, innit?
John: You surprise me, Ringo.
John: Dealing in abstracts.John: There's a school of whales!
George: They look a bit old for school.
Paul: University, then.
Ringo: University of W(h)ales?
John: Well, they look like dropouts to me.[After retrieving Ringo from the "Injun" attack in the Sea of Monsters]
John: How was it Ringo?
Ringo: (H)arrowing.Ringo: Pepperland! A bit salty around the edges.John: What day is it?
John: Then George'll be here.Jeremy: Thesis, antithesis, synthesis, causes of causal causation!
John: Hey, Jeremy. What do you know about holes?
Jeremy: There are simply no holes in my education!
Paul: You mean, you haven't composed a (w)hole book?
George: Oh, great! What should we do?
Jeremy: Be empirical. Look!Fred: Well, lads, what d'yer think?
John: Well, I think that...
Fred: Remember, there will be rough seas ahead. What d'yer think?
Paul: Well, then, erm...
Fred: Pounding, overwhelming waves! What d'yer think of that, eh?
George: Well, I think that...
Ringo: As a matter of fact, I—
All Beatles: I think...
All Beatles: I've forgotten!
Fred: Right, then, let's get this vessel all shipshape.
George: I kinda like the way it is: Submarine-shaped.George: [points] Hey, that's a funny place to leave a goldfish bowl. [The Fab Four wander off]
[Cut to the Fab Four near the giant ball]
John: In Pepperland, all things are possible.
Paul: It's not a goldfish bowl.
George: Just a big glass bowl, and—
Paul: Yeah, it's blue glass.
Ringo: Must be from Kentucky.
[Paul knocks on the glass, then the band appear]
John: Hey, there's something inside.
Ringo: Four fellas.
George: What are they doing there?
Paul: They're not having a ball. That's for sure.
Ringo: It can't be!
Paul: It's us!
John: But we're here.
Paul: It's Sgt. Pepper's—
George: —Hearts Club—
George: The resemblance is truly striking.
John: If I could come in here, I think the theory put forward by Einstein—
[Ringo holds his ears in a "Here We Go Again!!" manner; George holds his nose in disgust]
Paul: [sings to himself] Any old Ein Any old Ein / Any any any old Einstein...
John: [continuing uninterrupted] —could well be applied here. The people in the ball are obviously extensions of our own personality, suspended as it were in time, frozen in space according to the now-famous theory of relativity—
John: —which briefly explained, is simply a matter of taking two eggs—
John: —beating lightly, adding a little salt and pepper according to the taste—
George: How do we get them out?
John: Break the glass.
[The remaining three, having tried this while John was talking, shrug helplessly]
Paul: We can't.
George: It's Beatle-proof.
John: Nothing is Beatle-proof.
Paul: Hey, have you got your drumsticks with yer? A drum break might shatter it!
Ringo: No, I haven't.
George: Have a look in your pocket.
Ringo: Hey, I've got a hole in me pocket! Here, I wonder if— [He puts the hole on the ball, letting out smoke] Yeah, it still works.
George: Ringo, we take back all we said.
John: You're a genius.
Paul: Sheer genius.
Ringo: I know, I know, I know. Like color telly.
John: Like crystal.
Paul: Hey, they're decanting.Boob: I must complete my bust, two novels, finish my blueprints, begin my Beguine.
John: Hey, Jeremy, must you always talk in rhyme?
Boob: If I spoke prose, you'd all find out I don't know what I talk about!John: And who the Billy Shears are you?
Boob: Who? Ah, who indeed am I?!! [hands each one a card]
Ringo: (Trying to read "Ph.D.") Ffffffffffffud.
All four Beatles: Who?Ringo: First time I saw that 'Nowhere Man' .... That 'nobody'..... I knew he was Somebody.
John: You were right.John: Then brothers in war, to the skirmish. Must we 'ence?
John 2: Shall we 'ence?
Paul: Let's not waste anymore time sitting on the 'ence, BEATLES TO BATTLE! CHAAAARGE!
Quotes / Yellow Submarine