You see, [My Immortal] may be the most horribly written, canon-raping pieces of literary filth to ever blot the landscape of fanfiction.net, but it doesn't matter. Because in seven billion years the universe will collapse in upon itself, thus erasing all human achievement from existence, including My Immortal. That's right; it takes the universe ending to make me feel good about My Immortal.
You fucked on school grounds? If you're in love, then that's cool.
It's like reading a tongue twister.
Does every line have to be about something black or wearing black!?
This has as much to do with Harry Potter as the notebook of schizophrenic with access to Harry Potter stickers.
"Goths! Preps! Posers! Run! The apocalypse is coming! No human is safe from the Maru Sueness of Enoby Dark'ness Dementia-causing Way! Save yourselves!"
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!
Stup flamming My Immortal!!!!!1! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! My Immortal if u donot lik da story den fukk off! Stupid preps.
— Tara Gilesbie's Author's Notes
He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only Iím a girl so I didnít get one you sicko.
— Ebony, on Vampire
"Crosio!" I shited pointing my wound.
— Enoby cursing Snoop
"Whats she talking abott??????" Lupin slurped as he sat in chains.
— Chapter 44
omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait!!!1111. I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!!!!!1111 nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!111 omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it?? If dey donít den JKR is hamophobic!!!!!111111 fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!!!111
— Author's Notes for Chapter 42
"You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not."
"But you have to tell me why your being all erective."
"I hath telekinesis!"
"Draco please come!Ē he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)
— Chapter 21
"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says heís in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldnít Satan have made me less beautiful?Ē I shouted angrily. (anĒ donít wory enoby isnít a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) ďIm good at too many things! WHY CANíT I JUST BE NORMAL? ITíS A FUCKING CURSE!Ē I shouted and then I ran away.
— Chapter 14
"CUM NOW!1!Ē Preacher McGongel yielded. We did guiltily."
— Chapter 29
"You fucking bustard!" he yelled at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!"
— Chapter 23
"Kill him or I shall kill him anyway!"
— Chapter 23
"The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!" Snape ejaculated menacingly."
"Oh my goth!" Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos I'm goffik)"
"I got up suicidally."
"Satan and I walked 2 his car. It wuz a blak car wit pentagrams all over it. On da license plate said 666 just lik Draco's car. I went in it suduktivly. Stan started to drive it. We talked about Satanism (lola he wuz named after Satan), kutting, musik, and being goffik."