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Though not by any definition particularly heroic, these are the protagonists of the story. They mainly consist of Ebony and "goffic" versions of the main characters of Harry Potter. They are distinguished from the rest of the world by subscribing to tastes in clothes, music, and other such things that the author likes. In reality, most of the "goffik" things are in fact not gothic in nature (usually instead being emo or completely unrelated), so the differences between "da real goffs" and "posers" are completely arbitrary.

Tropes present in more or less all goffs:

  • Anti-Hero: They're the protagonists, but do pretty evil things like torturing preps and sucking their blood.
  • Dark Is Not Evil: The author's intention (if she isn't a troll) was to make them dark and gloomy but heroic, which she failed miserably at considering they're generally Always Chaotic Evil.
  • "Darkness von Gothick" Name: Evidently, no self-respecting "goff" would go around with names like Harry, Ron, and Hermione. So we get names such as Vampire, Diabolo, and B'loody Mary.
  • Emo Teen: What they end up being in practice. They spend most of their time moping around, contemplating self-harm, committing self-harm, and occasionally trying to talk each other out of self-harm.
  • Everyone Is Bi: Or at least the guys are.
  • Goth: Are pretty much the Lone Psycho type at its possible worst, whether the author intended it or not. Overlaps with Goth Girls Know Magic in the case of the female characters.
  • Hollywood Satanism: Represented by gratuitous pentagrams in fashion and the use of "oh my Satan" as an exclamation. It's also consistently spelled as "Stanism".
  • Our Vampires Are Different: Generally varies among them. Enoby is seemingly an actual vampire (see below), while Vampire Potter is just a guy pretending to be one.
  • Self-Harm: Cutting specifically. Portrayed in a variety of manners, from the thoroughly stereotypical to the downright bizarre ("OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11" said Profesor Trevolry).

Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way
Ebony according to the My Immortal comic
The main character of the story. She spends the fic going to Good Charlotte and My Chemical Romance concerts and doing it with Draco. She has long, ebony black hair with purple streaks and red tips, icy blue eyes "like limpid tears" (even when they've mysteriously turned red), and she only wears clothing from Hot Topic. Also the lead vocalist of a band named Bloody Gothic Rose 666. Often cries and slits her wrists, although this can't kill her, as she is a vampire.
  • Alpha Bitch: She acts a lot like this, being generally rude, snotty, and followed around faithfully by a clique of other "goffik" people. It's a strange case in which the Alpha Bitch is the main protagonist.
  • Anti-Hero: Nothing good she does is ever done for the right reason, making her a Nominal Hero if not an outright Villain Protagonist. At best, she's a very dark and twisted Unscrupulous Hero.
  • Anything That Moves: Though she's more of a slut towards guys. Her bisexuality is an Informed Trait.
  • Author Avatar: If it's not a parody. To the point where the author occasionally slips up and substitutes her actual name of Tara as one of Ebony's middle names. note 
  • Beige Prose: Most of the narration is this. Contrast Purple Prose below.
  • Brilliant, but Lazy: Not even Voldemort can take Ebony in a fight, but it's highly irregular for her to actually do anything useful.
  • But Not Too Bi: Draco claims that he's bi and she is too, but she's never seen attracted to women.
  • Byronic Hero: A rare female example; Ebony is a brooding social outcast, often described as attractive, and spawns most of the drama in the story.
  • Celeb Crush: Seems to have one on Gerard Way and the Madden brothers.
  • Cluster F-Bomb: Typically her first line of defense when confronted by a physical threat or a situation not going her way. Or anything, really.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: When Ebony and "Satan" are making out while taking each other's clothes off, and someone tells them that they can't do that (since they're watching a movie in public), Ebony drains her blood. Interestingly, though, the author seems to try to justify the murder, claiming beforehand that the woman was a prep out of nowhere.
  • Dude Magnet: "Everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me. Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?"
  • Fan Hater:invoked Ebony's hatred of "preps". As far as she's concerned, anyone who doesn't wear black, shop at Hot Topic, and listen to the emo bands she likes is obviously a Hilary Duff fangirl who wears pink and shops at Abercrombie & Fitch. Yes, even the male characters considered "preps" are essentially Hilary Duff fangirls.
  • Flipping the Bird: She puts up her middle finger a lot, often unprovoked.
  • Goth: Seems to think she is and very frequently states she's one. She most closely resembles the "Lone Psycho" variety, though she's actually got quite a large group of friends and admirers...for some reason.
  • Goth Girls Know Magic: She's a student at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, although she actually rarely uses any magic.
  • Hair-Trigger Temper: She gets ticked off very easily, even by her friends. When she doesn't start crying Tears of Blood, that is.
  • Has a Type: She seems to like guys that (in her opinion) resemble Gerard Way. Or any of the musicians she's a fan of.
  • Hypocrite:
    • Claims to hate the color pink while confronting Hairgrid but sleeps in a pink coffin and sometimes wears pink accessories.
    • Claims to find bi guys hot but calls various people she doesn't like "gay", "fags" and "gay fags".
    • Gets mad at Draco for "cheating" on her with Vampire but also cheats on Draco with Vampire.
  • I Have Many Names: Let's see... Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way, Enoby Nut Mary Su OK, Enoby, Ebony Dark'ness Dementia TARA Way, just to name a few.
  • Icy Blue Eyes: She says that she has blue eyes "like limpid tears".
  • Imperial Stormtrooper Marksmanship Academy: After wasting a gazillion bullets on Snap and Loopin, Ebony only damaged the lens of their camera.
  • Improbable Weapon User: During the scene where Enoby stabs Snaketail in the heart, Tara forgot that Ebony was holding a gun, and not a knife, meaning she stabbed Snaketail in the heart with a gun.
  • Inexplicably Awesome: Ebony has no Backstory - she might just as well have fallen out of the sky and landed on Hogwarts grounds just before the start of Chapter 1.
  • Informed Attribute:
    • Draco mentions once that she's bisexual, despite her showing no sexual interest in girls throughout the whole story. (This might have been an error in Tara's proofreading; most likely meant to have written Vampire instead.)
    • She calls herself a sadist but feels bad for torturing Voldemort with the Crookshanks curse.
    • Ebony is a vampire, but the most vampire-like thing she does is drink blood... from conveniently existing food, or from her self-inflicted wounds. She eventually sucks all of a prep's blood when she goes back in time, but besides this she never sucks anyone's blood or actually needs to.
  • Informed Ability: She is too good at too many things, but it's never shown what she's good at. In Chapter 22, it is revealed she is also the only person who can kill Voldemort, but after this reveal, nothing is shown on why she is the chosen one. The only place she actually does anything is in bed with someone else.
  • Informed Flaw: According to the author's notes, Ebony isn't perfect because she's a Satanist. Given that the narrative treats Satanism as "goffic" and therefore good...
  • It's All About Me: What little coherent characterization and dialogue is present paints Ebony as unbelievably self-centered.
  • Jerkass: She's prone to swearing up a storm and Flipping the Bird on a whim towards... just about anyone, really. And that's when she's in a good mood.
  • Kaleidoscope Eyes: Probably unintentional. In Chapter 22, her eyes are "crimson", yet three chapters later they're back to "icy blue". It's possible she wears crimson contacts like the boys, though.
  • Know-Nothing Know-It-All: With regards to goth culture. Though she constantly namedrops bands she considers goth, nearly all of them would more accurately be classified as pop-punk or emo. The sole exception is a surprisingly subtle Shout-Out to Bauhaus.
  • Large Ham: She's almost constantly ranting about something, often with lots of swearing involved.
  • Living Emotional Crutch: To Draco. When she doesn't tell him about Voldemort's threat, he kills himself (he gets better).
  • Making Love in All the Wrong Places:
    • Draco and Ebony have their first time in the Forbidden Forest, after he drives her away from the concert in Chapter 3 in his flying car (though it never mentions Draco landed it).
    • The Forbidden Forest probably borders the very outer limits of "normal" (much less the possibility of doing it while floating in midair), but a classroom where a class is in session just isn't the right place to make love.
    • She later does it in a coffin.
    • At one point in Chapter 12, Ebony and Vampire find each other in a crowded Hogwarts hallway and, according to Enoby, "jumped on each other and started screwing each other." They stop when Professor McGoggle yells at them.
    • In Chapter 38, when Enoby and Satan are on their date at the movies, she actually begins to write it out like a typical My Immortal sex scene in a crowded theater until a woman interrupts them. After that, they just leave the theater, Tara apparently forgetting about the clothes they took off and never put back on.
  • Meaningful Name: Besides the Ebony Dark'ness stuff, she (and the story) clearly lives up to the "Dementia" part.
  • Mood-Swinger: Made all the more... interesting by Tara's Beige Prose hardly ever giving a clue as to why she, for example, suddenly becomes very angry, even though it's written in first-person.
  • Oh, My Gods!: Frequently says "Oh my Satan!" Which can get confusing when an actual character called Satan (teen!Tom Riddle) turns up. And occasionally, in later chapters, she substitutes the word "cross" for "pentagram" (because she’s a Satanist, get it?). This results in sentences like "He looked like a pentagram of Gerard Way and Marilyn Manson" and so forth.
  • Our Vampires Are Different: The only effects her vampirism seems to have are her immunity to bullets and her habit of drinking blood. She says she can be killed by a steak and a "c-r-o-s-s", but at another point seems to forget about the cross and wears cross earrings.
  • Overdrawn at the Blood Bank: Slits her wrists roughly every three chapters with no apparent ill effects. Maybe all the blood she drinks makes up for it?
    • She actually does drink a glass of red blood whenever she slits her wrists to top herself off after the blood loss. Either that or she drinks the blood that she's bleeding.
    • It's also possible that as a vampire, she isn't as affected by blood loss or heals quickly, though it never actually states this. And this may be asking too much of the writing.
  • Overly Long Name: Her full name is Ebony Dementia Dark'ness Raven Way. And this isn't even counting the alternate spellings of her first name.
  • Parody Sue: Likely, due to being the main character of a possible Troll Fic and her Common Mary Sue Traits can't be taken seriously. She also inspires quite a few other Parody Sues based on her character.
  • The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: While Ebony is a witch, she uses magic a grand total of thrice in the story's 44 chapters. In fact, there's one time where she used her magic wand to throw it to the floor and make "Snap" trip.
  • Protagonist Without a Past: She never gives any indication of a backstory, but most of her other friends have one.
  • Psychic Powers: Has rather useless visions and can send "telepathetic massages" using her vampire powers.
  • Punctuation Shaker: Assuming the apostrophe in her name is meant to be there and isn't a comma that died of despair in the previous line.
  • Purple Prose: When she's describing people's outfits.
  • Raven Hair, Ivory Skin: She's got black hair with red and purple streaks and pale skin, and is said to be quite beautiful.
  • Remember the New Guy?: Most of the Harry Potter characters appear to have met Ebony sometime prior to the story. Oddly averted with Harry himself, creating one of many continuity problems (apparently, Harry was in her "goff" band before they first met).
  • So Beautiful, It's a Curse: "Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" It doesn't help that her actual physical description makes her sound rather unattractive.
  • Tears of Blood: Cries these around once per chapter, on average.
  • Temporary Name Change: Her middle name changes to Tara at one point, then it goes back to Raven.
  • Textual Celebrity Resemblance: She describes herself as looking similar to Amy Lee ("and if you don't know who she is, get the hell out of here!"). note 
  • Unfortunate Names: One of her middle names (Dementia) is a mental illness.
  • Unlimited Wardrobe: She never seems to wear the same outfit twice, goes clothes shopping several times, and gives very lengthy and detailed descriptions of all her goffick clothes. She is also prone to having different clothes between chapters, even if there's no time skip between them.
  • Weaksauce Weakness: Supposedly, she can't even spell out the word "c-r-o-s-s". She can apparently also be killed by steak.
  • Yaoi Fangirl: "bi guyz r sooo sexah!11"

Misspellings: Enoby, Ebory, Ebondy, Enony, Evony, Ibony, Enobby, Enopby, Egogy, Eboby, TaEbory, Tata, Tara

Draco Malfoy
Depressing sorrow and evilness optional.
Ebony's boyfriend and Harry, er... Vampire's ex-boyfriend. He's timid, sensitive, and as big of a goff as Enoby. Almost constantly worries about her leaving him and seeks her reassurance that she'll stay with him about once every three seconds. Once burst into one of Enoby's classes completely naked. Obviously Out of Character.
  • Adaptational Heroism: Draco was a minor villain for most of the Harry Potter series and even allies with Voldemort in the later books. Here, he is one of the main protagonists (though considering how most of them act, this may not be saying much); he also never becomes a Death Eater, and is in fact kidnapped and threatened by Voldemort on a few occasions.
  • Adaptational Nice Guy: To the point that he barely resembles his canonical depiction (which is saying something considering how OOC virtually all the characters are). In the Harry Potter books and film, Draco is, to put it mildly, a racist, elitist snob who regularly bullies other students, thinks Muggle-borns and half-bloods being mistreated or even killed is amusing, and ends up joining the Death Eaters (though he does come to regret that last one). In My Immortal, Draco is a lot more sensitive and empathetic; while he's still prejudiced against Muggles, and also hates preps, he never really engages in any of the horrible acts he does in the books and is devoted to his girlfriend.
  • Adaptation Relationship Overhaul: In the source material, he is sworn enemies with Ron, Harry, and Hermione. Here, they all get along quite well; in the case of Vampire, they even used to go out, and are now good friends.
  • Amicable Exes: With Vampire. They were a couple, now they're best friends.
  • Anguished Declaration of Love: When he and Ebony get busted for having sex in the Forbidden Forest and the teachers demand an explanation, Draco dramatically proclaims, "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"
  • Bound and Gagged: Implied ("VOLFEMORT HAS HIM BONDAGE!").
  • Cool Car: A flying black Mercedes-Benz (with the number 666 on the license plate).
  • Distressed Dude: Voldemort threatens to kill him throughout the story if Ebony does not kill Vampire Potter. At another point, Snap gives Enoby a knife and tells her he'll rape Darko if she doesn't stab Vrompire.
  • Draco in Leather Pants:invoked A literal example, when he actually wears pants.
  • Driven to Suicide: Twice, apparently. The first time, after Voldemort's first appearance, he gets mad at Enoby for not telling her about it. The second time, after Snap did it with him, Enoby doesn't show him sympathy. He gets better after both times with no explanation.
  • Fantastic Racism: Probably the only trait he has that's remotely in character is that he's still prejudiced towards Muggles. Then again, this is only displayed once in a poor attempt of the author to prove to reviewers he's still in character, and the only person he insults for being a "muggle bitch" is Ebony, who's not even a Muggle to begin with.
  • Gag Penis: He's hung like a stallone.
  • Love Martyr: To Ebony. No matter how badly she treats him or how many other guys she chases after, he never blames her for any of it and remains besotted with her.
  • Prelude to Suicide: Ebony can tell that Draco is running "in a suicidal way".
  • Seme: To Vampire's Uke. Though given how both of them seem to cry and slit their wrists 90% of the time...
  • Shrinking Violet: Very shy compared to the source material, to the point where it goes into straight-up Moe territory.
  • Understanding Boyfriend: To Ebony...which is quite impressive considering she's dubiously sane at best and has cheated on him at least twice.
  • Unexplained Recovery: Inexplicably reappears in the story after Dumbledore says that he's dead. Twice. The first time it appears that Volfemort has him bondage. The second time he just appears when Ebony is looking for him.
  • Voluntary Shapeshifting:
    • Seems to be capable of it in Chapter 15, in which he apparently infiltrates Ebony's advanced Biology class disguised as a pentagram (yes, really) who then proceeds to turn into a black guitar, and then back to his usual form.
    • He's also turned into a door once.
  • What Beautiful Eyes!: Ebony likes to go on about his "goffik red eyesnote  which revealed so much depressing sorrow and evilness" a lot.

Misspellings: Drago, Drako, Drake, Driconote , Darko, Dracko

Harry "Vampire" Potter
Bisexual goff who's Drago's ex-boyfriend and Ebony's "friend". Replaced his scar with a pentagram which he covers up with foundation. Does not seem to care about killing Volxemort anymore. In fact, his primary concern now seems to be the bizarre Love Triangle he's in with Enoby and Drako. On the one hand, Enoby is torn between the two of them and both are attracted to her. On the other, Darko and "Vampire" are also attracted to each other which Enoby finds hot. Note how although this triangle causes a great deal of Wangst, there is literally no way Ebony can lose. Oh, and Enoby also stole the Chosen One position he had in the books. Again, OOC.
  • Blood Lust: Asks people to call him "Vampire" as he loves the taste of human blood.
  • Cool Car: Oddly enough, he has a flying black car, too.
  • Dogged Nice Guy: Both to Draco and Enoby as they prefer each other over him.
  • Mood-Swinger: Calmly discusses a vision he's received, screams "Save me!", then reverts to his casual explanation of the vision.
  • Non-Indicative Name: Despite being called "Vampire", he's about the only member of the main cast who isn't one. He's just a pretender.
  • Perma-Stubble: "He had a manly stubble on his chin."
  • Prone to Tears: Not only is he crying and slitting his wrists all the time, he also cries when Snoop is about to torture him. Then again, he's bi, and "bi guys are so sensitive".
  • Uke: To Draco's Seme. Though given how both of them cry and slit their wrists 90% of the time...

Misspellings: Vampirnote , Vampure, Vampira, Vrompire, Hairy

B'loody Mary Smith/Maya (theoretically Hermione Granger)
"Hajimemashite gurl."
Another one of Ebony's goffik friends. Often makes use of Gratuitous Japanese, particularly the word kawaii (or kawai, rather). She moved to Slytherin after she converted Satanism, which was presumably when she decided to name herself after a cocktail. OOC. (Note, her name is pronounced "Buh-loody".) She is also the main protagonist of Tara and Raven's other collaboration, Ghost of You (Harry Potter), where she calls herself Maya instead.
  • Abusive Parents: In Ghost of You. According to Raven, this is possible "because it is never implied that it's NOT true".
  • Adaptation Species Change: From a magically-skilled Muggle in the original material to the daughter of a vampire and a witch in My Immortal.
  • Ambiguous Situation: Whereas she's a vampire or "evil" (or both). Neither the fic proper nor its Spiritual Sequel truly answer this question.
  • Anti-Hero: Like Ebony, she's made out to be a good guy but she (apparently) kills Willow, among other bad stuff.
  • Changeling Fantasy: Her real parents were actually pureblood vampires who died in a car crash, and she was kidnapped at birth.
  • Gratuitous Japanese: She comes over as a way for Tara to demonstrate of her bad knowledge of Japanese.
    • She greets Enoby with "hajimemashite" - you wouldn't say this to someone you've known for a while, and are good friends with. It's an introductory greeting.
    • "Kawai" would probably be pronounced closer to the word "kowai", which means scary.
  • In Name Only:
    • The real Hermione is a bookworm, obsessed with getting good grades, and is someone who is clearly her own person. In My Immortal, she doesn't touch a single book and is almost scared when Enoby assumes she is a prep... although when she confesses to killing Willow (and Loopin then doing it with her body), her emphasis on Willow's expulsion being more important than her death is a hilarious moment of actually being in-character.
    • More so in Ghost of You, where she is basically Enoby, just with a tragic backstory added.
  • Self-Made Orphan: In Ghost of You, she killed her adoptive parents. It's unclear if she did the same to the Grangers in My Immortal proper, but given how congruent both fics are, it's likely.
  • Our Vampires Are Different: She's apparently either a vampire or "evil".

Misspellings: B'loody Mart, Boldy Mary

Ebony's bisexual goffik friend and an avatar for the author's best friend Raven. Is randomly killed off halfway through following an argument between Tara and Raven, but comes back with no explanation as soon as Tara and Raven patch things up. Likes speaking Gratuitous Japanese. Probably the only character whose name is spelled consistently throughout.
  • Author Avatar: For Raven, who is supposedly a co-writer and editor for the story.
  • Impossible Hourglass Figure: Implied. The story describes her as being "thin enouff to be anorexic" but also having "really big bobs".
  • Out of Focus: Was originally Ebony's best friend. Later chapters have this role given to B'loody Mary.
  • Real Life Writes the Plot: Her getting expelled from Hogwarts and then being killed off was the result of a spat between Raven and Tara. Then they made up and Willow comes back.
  • Unexplained Recovery: As stated above, Willow's unexplained revival one chapter after being murdered and having her corpse screwed.

Ron "Diabolo", Jenny "Darkness", "Crab", and Goyle

Four siblings whose dad was a vampire. He "raped them nd stuff" before committing suicide by slitting his wrists. As a result, they "got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism". Any resemblance to Ron Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Vincent Crabbe, and Gregory Goyle is entirely coincidental. It's possible that Tara confused Crabbe and Goyle with Fred and George, especially considering she has them set off fireworks from "Wesley's Whizard Wises".
  • Abusive Parents: Diabolo's father raped him and his siblings "nd stuff".
  • Composite Character: Merges Crabbe and Goyle with Fred and George.
  • Out of Focus: Diabolo shows up early on as Ebony's bandmate and gets a couple appearances, but never actually does anything and more or less gets forgotten about later on.
  • Rape as Backstory: Their father "raped them nd stuff" before killing himself.
  • Related in the Adaptation: Crabbe and Goyle are Weasleys for some reason.
  • Wholesome Crossdresser: Jenny wears a gothic black dress in Chapter 22. The next sentence says Crab and Goyle were also wearing the same outfit as Jenny.

Navel/Nevel "Dracula" Longbottom

Goff who first appears in Chapter 17. Turns out he was kidnapped at birth and his real parents were vampires who dyed in a car crash. Because of that, he turned to "Stanism" and changed his name to Dracula (anything's better than Navel). On two occasions, his name is misspelled as "Dracola". OOC.

Ginny, Sedric, Fred, and Gorge

All make brief, inexplicable cameos. It's not clear if Ginny and the above-mentioned Jenny are supposed to be the same person. Sedric isn't actually in the story proper, but is mentioned in an author's note in which Tara confusedly refers to him as though he had been in the previous chapter. She appears to have gotten him confused with Hagrid.

Tom Rid

Despite the name, this is apparently not an incarnation of Voldemort — or at least, if he was intended to be, the Reveal of this never happened before the fic died. He is a shop assistant (in a 'goffik" shop, of course) who befriends Ebony & Co., and who keeps certain items of clothing hidden under the desk so that only the real "goffs", and not the "posers", can get them for free. We're betting he doesn't have any idea how capitalism is supposed to work. He makes only a couple of appearances, and then Tara seems to forget about him completely.
  • Camp Gay: He really likes make-up and is said to be LGBT, although bisexual rather than gay. Ebony claims that his bisexuality is the direct reason why he likes makeup.
  • One-Steve Limit: Averted in that his name is the same as Voldemort's real name, but they are two different characters in the story (and Tara always gets Voldemort's surname wrong).

The story has several references to punks/punxs. According to Tom (Satan)'s statements, they seem to be allies of the goffs against the preps.
  • Hufflepuff House: Apparently this group is "miscellaneous".
  • Only Sane Man: Presumably why none of them show up, despite supposedly being allies with the goffs.

    Vlodemort and da Death Deelers 
Da Death Deelers are a group of villains who serve Voldemort in his evil schemes. And their most evil plan in My Immortal is to force Ebony to kill Vampire Potter. They even hijacked two MCR concerts that Ebony attended, just so that Voldemort can yell at her for not participating in his plan. Voldemort's main Death Deelers are Snap, Loopin, and Snaketail.

The Death Deelers may or may not bear any similarity to the Death Eaters from Harry Potter canon.

  • Death Dealer: Geddit? Averted since they don't use cards as weapons.
  • A Good Name for a Rock Band: OOU example; dramatic readings often comment on "Vlodemort and da Death Dealers". That they first show up disguised as My Chemical Romance doesn't help.
  • Hidden Depths: Apparently they are skilled enough as musicians and singers that Ebony and Draco don't notice anything when they are disguised as My Chemical Romance.
  • Latex Perfection: The masks they wear to disguise themselves as members of My Chemical Romance.
  • Master of Disguise: Voldemort and his flunkies successfully disguise themselves as Gerard Way and company on at least two occasions.

Voldemort/Tom Satan Bombodil
The Big Bad of the story. His Evil Plan is to make Enoby kill Vampire by giving her a gun and telling her to shoot him. If she doesn't, Voldemort will kill Draco, but he doesn't really follow through with the threat. He spends the entire story trying to make Ebony kill Vampire, even when he simply could kill the guy himself. He also, for some reason, speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe. He also seems to be a Star Wars fan, since in one chapter he dresses like "Darth Valer".

In his youth, he was called Tom "Satan" Bombodil / Andorson. Ebony travels back in time to seduce him into loving her so that Voldemort would be less evil. And it's revealed Tom Bombodil is also a goff. And he has a goffic band called XBlakXTearX consisting of Lucian Malfoy, Serious "Spartacus" Blak, James "Samaro" Potter, and Serverus Snap. They all went to school in...the 1980s. Tom also knows everything that will happen in the future, despite not overtly having any divining ability. When the Dumblydore of the past wants to punish him and Ebony for being Satanists, they quickly jump into Ebony's time machine and end up in the present. Here, Tom Satan Bombodil changes into his future incarnation, Voldemort, and teams up with Snap and Loopin to kill Ebony. Obviously OOC.

  • Adaptational Attractiveness: At the very least below his head, considering a mask was all he needed for Ebony and Draco to mistake him for Gerard Way.
  • Adaptational Nice Guy: He's still the Big Bad, but he's a Harmless Villain and his racism towards Muggles is gone. Likewise, his younger self lacks any of his cruelty and sadism.
  • Adaptational Wimp: He's not quite as powerful or threatening as his canonical counterpart, to say the very least.
  • Badass in a Nice Suit: As Tom, "he wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans."
  • Big Bad: He is theoretically the main villain and plot-starter, but he doesn't actually do much of anything except show up, yell at Enoby, then leave.
  • Composite Character: Played straight in that the Bark Lord and "Tom Bombadil" are the same people, and inverted by making Tom Rid (see above) a different character.
  • Cool Car: Tom "Satan" Bombadil/Andorson (Voldemint's past self) owns a car that looks just like Darko's (which Ebony comments on in the narrative).
  • Creepy Crossdresser: In one chapter, it's stated that Ebony could "hear his high heels clacking".
  • Curb-Stomp Battle: He got wrecked by Ebony's self-made curse, "Crookshanks", despite having her under the Imperius curse.
  • Deadpan Snarker: Implied to be the case with him giving Enoby a "dude-ur-so-retarded" look, as a result of her not realizing he has telekinesis.
  • Face–Heel Turn: Went from being a "goff" to a "prep", which is this in Ebony's world. Although just how much of a "prep" he is in the present is debatable.
  • Harmless Villain: In the fic itself, he only threatens Ebony, but does not follow up on his threats.
  • Informed Attribute: He is described as a prep, but it is never explained how he qualifies. He dresses all in black and wears high heels, but according to Ebony it's obvious that "he wasn't gothic"; he's apparently "scary" which appears to be a "goffik" trait ("'OMG you guys are like so scary!' said Britney"), cries tears of blood and has a tragic past in which his "hearth" was "borken" [sic], yet he's still a prep by Enoby's standards. It becomes a case of Acceptable Breaks from Reality - the reader can see that Voldemort is "dark", and therefore a good candidate for goth-hood, but the author/Enoby calls him a prep because he is the Big Bad, and preps are the ultimate form of evil.
  • I Will Punish Your Friend for Your Failure: He initally tries to motivate Enoby into killing Vampire by threatening to kill Draco if she refuses. Later on, while in the guise of Darth Valer, he declares his intent to follow through with interest by killing both Draco and Enoby, until she begs him not to, at which point he alters the deal to "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway".
  • Loophole Abuse: Apparently in this fic Voldemort is still afraid of Dumbledore, so he proceeds with his plan just without looking at him.
  • Love Makes You Evil: "When Voldemint was in Hogwarts before he became powerful he gut his hearth borken. Now do you fink he would still become Volxemort if he was in love?"
  • Mind over Matter: Apparently, he "hath telekinesis".
  • Morton's Fork: The second version of his threat to Enoby is telling her to kill Vampire, or he'll do it anyway.
  • Offstage Villainy: The only person he's killed is Hermione's mother, and that was in a bit of redundant backstory.
  • Psychic Powers: He hath telekinesis, which lets him read minds.
  • Psycho Knife Nut: After his second attempt to infiltrate the MCR concert, Vlodemort threatens the heroes with a knife instead of magic.
  • Rage Against the Heavens: At some point, he exclaims "Allah Kedavra", which in effect means "Let God be destroyed" in a mixture of Arabic and Aramaic.
  • Sophisticated as Hell: Although he speaks in Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe, he also gets a "dude-ur-so-retarded" look on his face.
  • Sympathy for the Devil: Enoby feels bad when she tortures him. Post-time travelling shenanigans, Enoby expresses concern when he cries.
  • Vader Breath: When he's described as "Darth Valer" he's noted as having a raspy voice, and his quote has ellipsis.
  • Villain: Exit, Stage Left: Most of his appearances result in him running or flying away on his broom.
  • The Worf Effect: Like in the books, he's a notorious dark lord of sorcery. Everyone's terrified of him and insist that convoluted time-travel schemes are the only way to defeat him, though he never seems to prove his threatening reputation and gets his ass kicked multiple times, mainly by newcomer Ebony. Shouting "Crookshanks" is enough to completely incapacitate him.
  • Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe: For some reason, talks in bad early-modern English (riddled with syntactical and grammatical errors, such as using the second-person singular "thou" to address multiple people) in the present day. ("I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!") His past self, Tom Bombodil, does not possess this weird trait, but instead talks in the same broken English that Ebony and Co. use.

Misspellings: Voldemont, Volsemort, Volcemort, Voldemprt, Vlodemort, Volzemort, Volxemort, Voldremort, Voldimort, Voldement, Volfemort, Voldemint, The Bark Lord, The Dork Lord, Darth Valer, Tom Bombodil, Tom Andorson, Stan

Snap and Loopin
Snap and Loopin are the main lackeys of Voldemort. Their main plan seems to be recording a videotape of Ebony taking a bath, which they can use to blackmail her into killing Vampire. If she refuses, they will spread the tape around Hogwarts. Ebony calls them pedophiles, but they didn't do any act related to pedophilia (see below). They are also gay lovers who enjoy "doin it" in the open.

Snap seems to be the leader and more intelligent of the duo and comes up with most of their plans. Snap also operates solo multiple times in the fic. When Ebony travels "back in tim", Snap is revealed to have been a close friend of Serious, Lucian, James Potter, and Voldemort/Tom "Satan" Bombodil. But he betrayed them by possessing James and causing him to shoot off Lucian's arm, which Ebony prevented when she encountered them in the past. Loopin is more of a follower and enjoys masticating to stuff.

Apparently supposed to be Severus Snape and Remus Lupin, but bear no resemblance to them on even a superficial level.

  • Adaptational Villainy:
  • Adaptation Relationship Overhaul: Canonically, Snape and Lupin are not fond of each other, with Snape in particular being very hostile towards Lupin due to his association with Sirius and James, whom he often clashed with. In My Immortal, there's no hostility between them whatsoever and they're romantically involved with each other.
  • Animal Motifs: Snape's name is frequently misspelled as Snake, possibly owing to this trope. And Loopin is described as holding up a camera "triumelephantly".
  • Anything That Moves: And, in Loopin's case, some things that don't. They're both very sexual.
  • Bad Boss: Snap was stated to be "boss" in the past goffs' band. It didn't stop him from possessing himself and forcing Samoro to shoot off Lucian's arm.
  • Butt-Monkey: Loopin seems to be very unlucky. A good example is when he is tortured for something that only Snap was guilty for.
  • Cardboard Prison: No matter how many times they are sent away to St. Mango's or Abkhazian, they keep coming back.
  • Decomposite Character: Snoop in Chapter 30. Apparently, his name is just "Snape" (when it's spelled right) and there's a completely different guy named "Serverus", who was probably supposed to be Sirius.
  • Demonic Possession: When Ebony travels into the past, James Samaro Potter attempts to shoot Lucian's arm off with a knife. Later, Tara tried to imply Snap made James do this by possessing him, but she actually made James say Snap was possessing himself.
  • Depraved Bisexual: Both of them are into Enoby, Draco, and Vampire (and, of course, each other), are (supposed) pedophiles, and Loopin apparently likes to rape corpses. Yet, in spite of all of that, the only reason Enoby doesn't find them hot is because they're preps, and Loopin is shocked at Enoby's foursome. Says a lot more about the heroes' sexual depravity than theirs', honestly.
  • Evil Duo: There's two of them and they're "death deelers".
  • Forced to Watch: At one point Snap gives Ebory a knife and remarks that if she doesn't kill Vampire with it she can expect to watch him rape Draco.
  • Gratuitous Rape: Snap rapes Drako and threatens to rape Enoby and Vampire. Loopin rapes Willow's corpse.
  • Harmless Villains: They spend more time doing it with each other in the Great Hall (with Dobby watching!) than anything else, and only seem to pose a serious threat on one occasion.
  • I Love the Dead: Loopin is allegedly a "necphilak", though it's unclear whether he actually did screw Willow's corpse because Willow appears unharmed in the next chapter.
  • Informed Attribute:
    • A single author's note tells us that Snape/Snake/Snap/Snoop/Snipe's a Christian, but the idea is never mentioned or hinted at again.
    • Snape and Loopin are constantly called preps by Ebony, even though neither of them wear preppy clothing or listen to preppy music.
  • Informed Flaw: Ebony calls them pedophiles, but since she's seventeen and therefore A) not biologically a child and B) over the age of consent, which is 16 in the UK, their perving on her, while reprehensible, is not pedophilia and they show no hints of actual pedophilia at any point. Plus there's the fact that in the Potterverse, under wizarding law the age of adulthood is 17.
  • Irony: Snape's "prep" status, since he's arguably one of the most "gothic" characters in canon.
  • Made of Iron: Snap and Loopin are barely fazed when shot a gazillion times by Ebony. Indeed, Snap's minor hand injury in the aftermath of the skirmish is attributed to Dumbleydore's wand.
  • Matryoshka Object: Snap possessing himself.
  • The Mole: Snap when he was a "poser".
  • The Snack Is More Interesting: Loopin prefers to "masticate" while Snap videotapes Ebony in the bath.
  • Unholy Matrimony: They're a couple.

Misspellings: Snope, Snoop, Snipe, Snap, Snake, Snip, Serverus, Loopin, Lumpkin, Lumpin


The "fat guy who killed Cedric". He tortures Draco and asks to have sex with Ebony, since "in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok". She stabs him in the heart and he runs around while bleeding to death. In a rare demonstration of continuity, he actually stays dead (or at least isn't mentioned again). Probably based on Peter Pettigrew/Wormtail from the real Harry Potter series, but the only thing that indicate this is that he killed Cedric.

The Black Guy

Possibly one of the Death Dealers. He makes brief appearance in Ebony's vision, when he shoots Lucian and Serious.
  • Cool Car: He has a red one, which he uses to "run away" after hit.
  • Expy: Of Blade, since he's black and hunts vampires.
  • Kick the Dog: He mercilessly guns down two goffic men despite their pleas.
  • Original Character: He doesn't seem to have an existing Harry Potter counterpart, possibly making him this.
  • Scary Black Man: He shoots down Serious and Lucian in the vision.
  • Token Minority: He's the only black person in the entire fanfic.
  • What Happened to the Mouse?: After a brief appearance and an attack on two major characters, he's never seen again.

    The Mystery of Magic 
Another evil faction. It's a mysterious group of wizards that hold a lot of power over Hogwarts. They, for example, can and will send anyone they see fit to random places in the Caucasus. The Mystery successfully took over Hogwarts in later chapters by sending Dumblydore, Snap, Loopin, Hargrid and Sinister to the aforementioned region, but after that the faction disappears from the story without explanation.

Most likely based on the Ministry of Magic from the real Harry Potter series.

Cornelia Fudged/Cornelio Fuck

The Minister for Magic and apparently still male despite the name. Considers Dumbledore incompetent and sends him to "Azerbaijan", which peculiarly does not endear him to Ebony and friends. Apparently has a very short fuse since he took over Potions class once, but stomped away angrily after Ebony & Co. talked openly in class.
  • Adaptational Heroism: In this version, he not only recognizes Voldemort as a threat, but actually puts an emphasis on student welfare. When Voldemort actually attacks Hogwarts, Cornelia is mentioned to come to the school to help everyone, on his own. Cornelius would never do so, as his refusal to believe Voldemort returned was due to him lacking both the skills and confidence to deal with such a threat.
  • The Cavalry: Surprisingly. Trevolry mentions off-handedly that he was coming to "help every1" during the climax of the fanfic.
  • The Cavalry Arrives Late: What probably would have happened if the fic actually continued, assuming Tara wouldn't have forgotten that he was coming.
  • Gender-Blender Name: Played straight and averted. Sometimes he is called Cornelia, but other times he is called Cornelio.
  • Hair-Trigger Temper: Tells a class of students to shut up. When they don't, he screams at them and storms out of the room in a huff.
  • Hanging Judge: He is not above imprisoning people for having "kancer".
  • No Indoor Voice: All his lines end in exclamation marks.
  • Obligatory Swearing: Especially considering Cornelio's original last name was Fudge, which is often seen as the Goshdangit To Heck version of the f-word.

Doris Rumbridge/Profesor Bridge

An associate of Cornelia Fudge. She first appears at Hogwarts to yell at Dumbledore that his Alzheimer's is a danger to the school. When Ebony returns from a trip to the past, it appears that Doris Rumbridge became the principal. She also sends Professor Sinister to "Azerbaijan" for being "too goffik" and brings Dumbledore back to teach her class (about 15 minutes after he left).

Assuming she's supposed to be Dolores Umbridge, doing something remotely nice for Dumbledore is really the only part of this which is out of character. Then again, Dumbledore is evil in this fic (most of the time), so maybe it's in character for her after all.

  • Adaptational Heroism: Oddly enough. In this version, she not only recognizes Voldemort as a threat, but actually puts an emphasis on student welfare and advises the clearly senile Dumbledore to retire (or "retry", as it is). Thus, she comes off as more of an angry Knight Templar than the monster she was in the books.
  • Adaptation Personality Change: Umbridge was generally soft-spoken, but Rumbridge yells all her dialogue. Rumbridge also cares for the wellbeing of the students of Hogwarts, whereas Umbridge would gladly sacrifice children for her own agenda.
  • Culture Police: She sent Professor Sinister to "Azerbaijan" for being "too goffik".
  • Heel–Face Turn: She appears fully dedicated to helping defeat Voldemort, a far cry from her canon self.
  • No Indoor Voice: Whenever she talks, it's in all-caps.

    Hogwarts Staff 
A fairly neutral group. Sometimes, Enoby and friends get in trouble, so the staff is portrayed as Evil. At other times, they help Enoby in the war against Vlodemort.

Albert Dumblydore
The principal of Hogwarts. He starts out as one of Ebony's enemies by shooting an Atomic F-Bomb at her and Draco for having sex. After that, he is seemingly neutral, since he helps Ebony as many times as he gets in her way. The times he gets in Enoby's way are probably caused by headaches, as mentioned in numerous author's notes. When Voldemort takes over an MCR concert for the second time, Dumblydore turns to the goff side and saves Ebony and co.

After his transition to goff, he dyes his hair and beard black and paints the "Grate Hall" black (but apparently painted it pink first as "you fould see that there was pink pant under the black pant"). He also tries to befriend Ebony and the other goffs, but is shouted at because he is a "poser" (someone who tries to be goth but really isn't). But he's seemingly a good guy from that moment on.

When Ebony travels back in time, Dumblydore's hatred for goffs is much worse than in the present time. It was so bad, that he sent any goff he saw in the school to Akazaban.

Unlike his canon counterpart Albus, this Dumbledore isn't concerned at all about the war between good and evil. He even lets his students rot at the hands of Voldemort if he doesn't like them. He is also quickly intimidated by students who shout at him. Heavily OOC.

  • Adaptational Jerkass: He lacks his canonical counterpart's sagely demeanor and benevolence, and flat-out admits that he doesn't care about Draco.
  • Adults Are Useless: Zig-Zagged. When Ebony and Vampire report that Voldemort kidnapped Draco, Dumblydore laughs it off and refuses to make any attempt to save him because he misbehaved while at school, leaving the two teenage students to rescue him themselves. While he told Ebony and the other students they could talk back to Snap and Loopin and warned them to be careful around them since they are pedophiles, he doesn't, y'know, fire them immediately even though he has the authority to do so. In later chapters Snap and Loopin are arrested, but whether this was Dumblydore's doing is never specified. On the other hand, he does chase away Vlodemort after he attacks the students at a concert and helps in the final battle.
  • Baguette Beatdown: Albert delivers one to Volsemort and his minions after the second MCR concert hijack using his looooong black bread.
  • Big "NO!": "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
  • Bitch in Sheep's Clothing: Despite his poser attitude and attempts to impress goffs, he's still a hardened, Avril Lavigne-loving prep.
  • The Corrupter: He "corrupts" Rumbridge in one chapter, whatever that means.
  • Dean Bitterman: Willing to leave students to die over rule-breaking.
  • Disabled in the Adaptation: Is described as having Alzheimer's (correctly spelled at that) and "kancer" (not so much), which Dumbledore lacks in the books. In general he's portrayed as severely senile and aggressive, implying there's something wrong with his brain, in contrast to his more collected and dignified portrayal in the source material.
  • Disproportionate Retribution: Dumbledore is willing to leave Draco at Voldemort's mercy because he always misbehaved in school.
  • Evil Laugh:
    • "He laughed in an evil voice."
    • Frequently "cockles" at others' misfortunes.
  • Felony Misdemeanor: Ebony and friends are shocked that Dumbledore dares to have different tastes in music than them. And in their minds, this depravity obviously eclipses the number of times he has saved the lives of sympathetic characters.
  • Harmless Villain: Spends more time chasing off Vlodemort than anything, and in an Avril Lavigne cape, no less.
  • Heel–Face Revolving Door: He's a prep, then a goff, then a poser, then a prep again, then a goff again.
  • Hero Antagonist: Once you get over the fact that he's a poser, he's really not that bad a guy.
  • Hidden Depths: An accidental example, but he apparently used to play guitar in the 1980s since he "shreds" at Enoby and Satan. Either that or he was into snowboarding.
  • Incoming Ham: Three guesses as to which line makes him this.
  • Jerkass Ball: Acts very mean, but only when he has a headache.
  • Large Ham: A huge one (i.e. very dramatic). Arguably the biggest one in the entire story.
  • Light Is Not Good: He's an Avril Lavigne-loving prep obsessed with pink, even as a poser. Also a more straight example in his youth than even the other preps, according to the description of his 80's self.
  • Mood-Swinger: He goes from "walking in angrily" to "crying wisely" in a second.
  • The Obi-Wannabe: While he gives advice, even "wisely", they just don't make any sense at all.
    Albert Dumblydore: U c, Enobby. 2 c wht iz n da flmes u mst find urslf 1st, k?
  • Unexplained Recovery: His "kancer" (which may be related to his near-constant headaches) is never mentioned again after he escaped from Abkhazian. And how he managed to do that is also unexplained.
  • You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Angry!: Whenever Dumblydore has a headache, he starts acting like a jerk.

Misspellings: Dumblydum, Dumbeldore, Dumbelldore, Dumbledum, Dumbldore, Dumbledor, Dumblydor, Dubleodre, Dumblehor, Dumbeldork, Dumblydore, Dubblydore, Dubledork, Dumbledork, Dumbledark, Dumblewhore, Dumbledoree

HE MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT... BUT HE IS ALSO A SATANIST! In this fanfic, Hagrid goes from the gamekeeper into a Hogwarts student for no clear reason. He also switches sides with each passing appearance. One time, he's a goff who helps Enoby against evildoers such as Snap and Loopin. The other times, he's a prep that tries to harass Ebony. OOC either way.
  • Acrofatic: Despite the weight of his original counterpart, Hargrid is agile enough to fly on a broomstick to the shop, sneak undetected or even hide in a cupboard.
  • Adaptational Jerkass: Tries to roofie Ebony and is snippy towards Dumblydore.
  • Adaptational Wimp: In canon, Hagrid is stated to be very physically strong and can withstand spells that are deadly to other wizards. Here, Vampire and Draco beat him up sexily.
  • Age Lift: Possibly. He's a student at Hogwarts in this fic, but there's no explicit mention of his age.
  • Flying Broomstick: Possesses one, but it doesn't seem to fly. That doesn't stop him from using it to run outside.
  • Heel–Face Revolving Door: Really doesn't know which side he's on. In his first appearance, he's a member of Ebony's band. In his second, he seemingly tries to scare away Snap and Loopin (who are harassing Enoby) by confessing that he's a Satanist. Later in the story, he tries to poison Ebony with an Amnesia potion (probably Amortentia potion, which in the real books is a love potion). In the end, he seems to be on Enoby's side again.
  • Love Redeems: It was stated that he was a prep and picked on Ebony and other goffs (despite being a member of their band), but when he fell for Ebony, he decided to convert to Satanism.
  • Not Now, Kiddo: His important news gets dismissed, because he's just a little Hogwarts student.
  • Piss-Take Rap: Sings a "gothic version" of a 50 Cent song at one point.
  • Reformed, but Rejected: He genuinely converted to Satanism and saved Enoby from Paris Hilton p-video, but is still treated as a prep.
  • Slipping a Mickey: Tries to put Amnesia Potion into Ebony's glass of blood in Chapter 36. It's unknown why he did it.
  • Stalker with a Crush: For Ebony, of course. He is seen crushing on her and following her about.
  • Teeth-Clenched Teamwork: He is not very fond of prof dumbledoree, calling him a mean old man and a liar, yet they are both rejected posers and are somewhat forced to work together for some time.

Misspellings: HAHRID, Hargirid, Hargrif, HAIRgrid

Proffesor Sinister/Trevolry
The only goffik teacher in the school. Sinister aka Trevolry (the two are inexplicably interchanged for the same character) is a half-Japanese half-Vampire and Ebony's favorite teacher. The subject she teaches is Deviation (which is probably meant to be Divination). She is the person who tells Ebony to go back in time to seduce Voldemort. Later on, Professor Sinister gets addicted to "Volxemortserum" and asks Ebony to find a cure for her addiction. Sinister also gets send to Azerbaijan by the Mystery of Magic for being too gothic but returns at Hogwarts without explanation. OOC and often OON (Out of Name). (The names derive from Professors Sybill Trelawney [Divination] and Aurora Sinistra [Astronomy].)
  • Atomic F-Bomb: "Class fucking dismissed."
  • Cardboard Prison: Sending Professor Sinister to Azerbaijan is not a good way to get rid of her. Maybe she was going to be imprisoned in Al-Asad's safehouse.
  • Composite Character: Of Professors Trelawney and Sinistra, judging by the fact that her name alternates between butcherings of each.
  • Country Matters: She calls Ebony a cunt in Chapter 24. Presumably the two are close enough that Professor Sinister can get away with such strong language, as Ebony tells her "bye bitch" while leaving.
  • Dhampyr: Her mother is a vampire and her father is a human.
  • Erudite Stoner: Her role as teacher and her significant addiction to Volxemortserum places her firmly within this trope.
  • Gratuitous Japanese: She's sometimes seen peppering her speech with Japanese words. Ebony mentions that she is half-Japanese, so it could possibly be the result of this.
  • N-Word Privileges: Because she's a goth, she can call Ebony the c-word and mean it as a term of endearment.
  • Precision F-Strike: She dismisses her class in order to talk to Enoby with "Class fucking dismissed."
  • Sudden Name Change: She is called both "Professor Trevolry" and "Professor Sinister" interchangeably. In Harry Potter, Professors Trelawney and Sinistra are two separate characters, but in the fic it's clearly meant to be the same person.

Misspellings: Sinatra, Sinistor, Siniaster

Professor McGonagall
Seems to do little beyond getting mad at Ebony and Draco for Making Love in All the Wrong Places. Thus, actually pretty in-character and an unintentional Audience Surrogate.
  • Adaptational Villainy: Besides her personality being essentially just a perpetually yelling teacher, she seems to be in cahoots with Voldemint, as she and Snap collaborated to force Enoby to kill Harry.
  • Big, Stupid Doodoo-Head: Using these is her biggest deviation from canon. Just imagine Dame Maggie Smith yelling things like "STOP IT NOW, YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" and "You mediocre dunces!"
  • Sophisticated as Hell: Tries to sound wiser by using sophisticated words like "mediocre" and "simpletons". The only problem is that these are usually used in not-so-sophisticated phrases like the ones above.
  • Stern Teacher: As in canon, though her Hidden Depths seem to have been eliminated.

Misspellings: McGoggle, McGoogle, Preacher McGongol, McGoonagle

Mr. Norris and Filch the cat

The "janitor", who owns a cat named Filth/Filch. Mr. Norris apparently is able to see when people hide under invisibility cloaks. The cat might actually be in character. That or Filth/Filch is a human crawling on all fours and meowing and Mr. Norris is a talking cat. One or the other.

(In canon, the caretaker is Argus Filch and his cat is named Mrs. Norris.)

  • Cats Are Mean: Filch helps Mr. Norris discover where Enoby and Vampire are hiding.
  • Crusty Caretaker: Tara tried to imply this with Mr. Norris, but since Vampire calls him a "preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich", the act of maintaining his grumpy mood is justified.
  • Super Senses: As mentioned above, invisibility cloaks don't work properly when Mr. Norris is around.

Professor Slutborn

The Potions teacher in the '80s. Presumably based on Professor Horace Slughorn from the real books, but is described as a tall gothic man with long hair instead of short and obese with a bald head like the real character. This makes him OOL (out of look). He makes too short of an appearance to really prove how much OOC he is.
  • Adaptational Attractiveness: He's tall and has a full head of hair, unlike his short, bald canon counterpart.
  • Oh, My Gods!: In the very last chapter he says "Oh my goth", the only character to deviate from "Oh my Satan" or similar expressions previously used in the story.

Misspellings: Slutgorn, Slugborn

The Nurse

The school nurse. She's frequently seen tending to Egogy in the hospital wing, where she frequently winds up after silting her wrists or getting hurt during one of her misadventures. Presumably based on Madam Pomfrey from the books, but it's hard to tell how in-character she is because she's never named and has no dialogue.

Misspellings: Da Norse

Makes a brief appearance watching Snake and Loopin do it, then runs away when Snap and Loopin see Enoby. This is his only appearance in the whole fic. He is also one of the rare characters whose name is spelled correctly throughout the fic.
  • Ambiguous Situation: Was he watching Snap and Loopin "do it" because he liked what he saw? The fact that he ran away crying might suggest that either he was upset that he was caught or he was upset by the act itself.
  • Innocent Bystander: He doesn't seem to be involved in any of the Snake's or Loopin's schemes, but he is there to watch.
  • One-Shot Character: He only appears in Chapter 20 to watch Snake and Loopin "do it". And then he runs away crying.

    The Preps 
The counterparts to the goffs. They seem to be defined by a love for bright, cheery colors and pop music roughly equal to the goth's obsession with the color black and emo stuff.

Another type of prep is called the "poser". Posers are people who pretend to be gothic, but are preps (usually they dress semi-"gothic").

  • Light Is Not Good: Stereotypical preppy fangirls (yes, even the boys) at heart, they are antagonistic nonetheless. Just not much of a threat as Tara hoped they were.


A prep from "Griffindoor". Regarded as the Alpha Bitch from her first appearance, despite doing nothing even slightly reprehensible. However, near the end of the story it's revealed she allied with Vlodemort and da Death Deelers and freed Hargrid, Snap, and Loopin from Azerbaijan.

    Past Goths 
Ebony interacts with several other goffs during her time travels to the 1980s.

Serious Blak (alias Hades)

Unlike Harry's godfather Sirius Black, this man is Harry's "dogfather". Also unlike Sirius, Serious was apparently friends with Snip during their school days considering they were in XBlakXTearX together.
  • Genius Bruiser: Despite being a hardcore, deprezzed goff, he takes the name of Socrates. Whether or not Tara meant for this to evoke the feeling of "smart" is anyone's guess.

Misspellings: Series, Serifs, Sirus, Silas, Spartacus, Sorious, Socrates, Sodomize, Serverus

Lucian Malfoy

Apparently supposed to be based on Lucius Malfoy. In the fic, he's Draco's father and part of XBlakXTearX back in the day. Apparently, had one arm until Ebony changed the past so his other arm didn't get shot off. Needless to say, a good guy in this.

Misspellings: Lusian, Lucan, Luciious, Luscious

James "Samoro" Potter

Vampire's father and a member of XBlakXTearX. Slightly overreacted when Lucian played a song wrong by shooting off his arm, though it later turned out he was possessed by Snap at the time. Is nicknamed "Samoro", a masculine version of Samara from The Ring.


Voldemort's gay lover from the 1980s and the most OOC in the whole story because Hedwig is a female, presumably straight, anti-Voldemort, alive-in-the-1990s owl in the books. This could be a reference to Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

Morty Mcfli

Inexplicably appears to give Ebory a "tim machine" so she can go "frowad in tim". His reasons for being present in Harry Potter and helping Ebony are unknown. Presumably meant to be Marty McFly, but in any case he's OOC for any verse and his "tim machine" doesn't seem to function like the DeLorean.
  • Crossover: With Back to the Future.
  • Deus ex Machina: He literally just jumps out from behind a wall and offers to take Ebony forward in time. Yeah.
  • In Name Only: His only resemblance to Marty is the association with time travel. And even then, his "tim machine" is "blak" (while the DeLorean is silver) and apparently small enough to carry on his person, eliminating the possibility that he either repainted the DeLorean or is using the Time Train.

    Real World 

Tara Gilesbie

The writer of this infamous fanfic.
  • Ambiguous Gender: Is she a teenage girl as she claims or is she a boy or even an adult man masquerading as one as part of the joke? The world may never know.
  • But Not Too Foreign: Claims to live in Dubai, but you never would've guessed based on her writing.
  • Can't Take Criticism: Her author's notes are more or less temper tantrums thrown at reviewers as she seems to be convinced that she is the next great gothic writer. Understandable when you consider that she's supposedly a young adolescent or maybe even a pre-teen.
    • And if you flame her story, it means you're a no-good prep! She won't post the next chapter until she gets at least 5 god reviuws.
  • Cloudcuckoolander: With her totally disjointed writing style, truly bizarre characterizations and plotting, frequent misspellings, eccentric malapropisms, insertion of personal commentary in the middle of the story, and a seeming total lack of self-awareness, Tara is a world-class example.
  • The Cuckoolander Was Right: She correctly guessed that in Deathly Hallows Harry has to let himself be killed, because he's a Horcrux. She's hardly the only one who suspected it, but considering her more surreal ideas about the series, it's impressive.
  • The Ditz: If you take the view that the story is a serious work of fiction, as opposed to a Troll Fic, she has to be at least a bit stupid to write it.
  • Genki Girl: She's definitely.... loud.
  • Giftedly Bad: Judging by the author's notes, she thinks that her story is some sort of literary jewel while reviewers tended to disagree. Assuming this was written seriously, of course.
  • Hypocrite:
    • She hates "homophones", yet calls her haters "gay fags".
    • She tries to pass off taking Raven's poster as no big deal, yet gets incredibly upset at Raven taking her sweater.
  • Multiple-Choice Past: There have been a number of different people who claimed to be the troll Tara, the real Tara, or to have known her and/or Raven while the story was being written. Though it currently seems impossible to determine which (if any) of these accounts hold any truth.
  • Spell My Name with an S: Gillespie, Gillesbie, etc.
  • The Unintelligible: The way she writes My Immortal in later chapters.
  • Vague Age: Was she really a teenager (or maybe even a preteen) when she wrote the story or was she an adult pretending to be one for satirical and trolling purposes?
  • Verbal Tic: Tara has a tendency to say "ok" in her author's notes as a way of ending sentences.
  • Viewers Are Morons: To further convince us that she was very young at the time of writing the story, she feels the need to explain even the most basic details (mostly via author notes) such as "seventh year students are seventeen years old".
  • Yaoi Fangirl: Repeatedly interrupts the story to ramble about how "hott" gay men are, and claims J. K. Rowling is a "hamophobe" if Harry and Draco don't end up together by the end of Deathly Hallows.


Tara's best friend/worst enemy, depending on the day. She worked as Tara's editor before they had a falling-out. Had several characters based on her. Wrote the fanfic I'm Not Okay and, later her final collaboration with Tara, Ghost Of You.
  • Comedy Ghetto: Proudly declares that she hates all comedies in her profile. Take a guess as to why.invoked
  • Embarrassing First Name: She dislikes being named Jenny.
  • Flanderization: The fans of My Immortal tend to think of Raven as the Only Sane Man to Tara's Ditz, but (assuming that both of them aren't figments of a someone's imagination) she proves in her own stories and profile page to be at best only a few levels above Tara in terms of ability to write and overall intelligence.
  • The Ghost: She's only ever mentioned by Tara in the author's notes.
  • Only Sane Employee: She worked as Tara's editor, which stifled some of the Rouge Angles of Satin. After she left, the story got worse.
  • Overshadowed by Awesome: Something of an inversion. Raven actually has two stories of her own which, while entertaining to read for the same reasons as Tara's, are by comparison much shorter, written with better spelling and other essentials, and demonstrate better knowledge of the source material.
  • Straw Nihilist: "the world is so shitty, why pretend it's not."


Tara's supposed boyfriend. She mentions him in the first chapter as well as midway into the story, where she trheatens to having him beat up the critics.
  • Felony Misdemeanor: On both sides. Tara claims that he'll beat up her enemies, but ultimately he was excommunicated by her and Raven because he had the audacity of going to Abercrombie's.


In Chapter 25, Tara threatens to have these put "vrtz" in "ur computer".


A friend or non-flaming reviewer that helped Tara in Chapter 42.
  • Know-Nothing Know-It-All: Her contribution was fact checking, but given that the chapter includes things like "sand" being a four-letter word for dirt...


Another friend of Tara that helped her with "an idea" in Chapter 25.

Introduced in Ghost of You (Harry Potter).

Luna Lovegood

Cho "Dementia" Chang

Alternative Title(s): Ghost Of You Harry Potter