"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.
It's even funnier when you consider this exchange happens exactly a chapter after Willow gets expelled and murdered by B'loody Mary, then has her corpse raped by Loopin because Tara had a fallout with Raven. Which makes this come off as Tara desperately sucking up to Raven in hopes she will come back to edit her fic again.
"The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!!!!" Snape ejaculated menacingly. "You fucking preppy fags!" Serious shouted angrily.
"Volfemort has him bondage!" (Repeated twice in the same chapter as exposition.)
"OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11" said Profesor Trevolry.
A chapter after Loopin "masticates" outside of Enoby's window, Tara took a second stab at it: "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) to it he added silently.
Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly... Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.
"STFU!1" shooted CorneliaFuck. "He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin he is old and week he has kancer. Now do ur work!"
Gerard Way being described as having an "amazing ethnic voice" and "piercing blue eyes".note His eyes are actually hazel, not blue.
"No!11" we screamed sadly. Snap statedloafing meanly. He took out a kamera anvilly. Then........................ he came tords Darko!1! He took sum stones out of his poket. He put da stones around Draco and nit a candle"
"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didnt have a headache or else he would have said something back. Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!
Crookshanks! I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream.note Crookshanks isn't a spell, he's Hermione's cat. Followed by Ebony starting to laugh at Voldemort but then feeling bad "even though [she's] a sadist".
Darko put on 'desolition liverz' by MCR. Den... we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz.
In the repost, during chapter 15, the line "Ebonyiloveyouwiluhavesexwithme" was probably omitted by accident, resulting in this little gem:
"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)
A comic is currently in the works on YouTube that just makes the story even more hilarious with the visuals.
Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom lol tom felnot rulez 4 lif but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111).
From Hermione and Ebony's discussion of Willow: B'loody Mary suddenly mentions that "after Willow got expelled I murdered her and then Loopin did it with her cos he's a necphilak". What's funny about this? The fact Hermione seemed to consider it more important that Willow got expelled than that she killed her (and Lupin's actions). Because that's one of the few moments in the fic where Hermione seems in-character. ("Before either of you two think of another clever plan to get us both killed—or worse, expelled.") And Ebony's only reaction to this is "Kawai."
"The Mystery Of Magic". That is all.
"St. Mangos". That is also all.
"This Cannot Be!." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors." "YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.
The sex scene between Ebony, Draco, Vampire, and Satan qualifies.
I selectively took the caramel from my pocket. And then... I began frenching Draco sexily. Loopin gasped. Draco began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white sex-pack. Then Vampire took his own clotes off too. We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my blak leather bra, my blak lace thong and the rest of my clothes. Every1 took their glocks out except 4 me im a girl lol. "Oh mi satan! Draco!" I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Harry. I began making out wiv Satan and he joined in. "OMS!111" cried Vampire. "Oh Vampire! Vampire!" I screamed screamed. "Oh Satan!" yelled Harry in pleasore. Loopin watched in shock. Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists
"I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attack 3 and Saw II and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent."
Ebony jumping in front of a bullet "sexily". How one does that is anyone's guess.
He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide.
Let's not forget all the things Enoby does "passively." Even better? She probably meant "passionately" which... is pretty much the exact opposite.
Just the fact that Marty McFlynote misspelled "Morti McFli", predating another Morty based off Marty McFly by over a decade is a plot important character in "My Immortal" is more than enough reason to read it. And HE'S been made "goffik", no less!
I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz ..Morty Mcfli!1
Vampires being vulnerable to steak, to the point that Enoby contemplates killing herself with one... that she keeps in her room.
The weird juxtapositions that the events in the chapters can go. Take Bloody Gothic Rose 666's rehearsal, which is interrupted by (in order): Ebony crying about her meeting with Voldemort and telling B'loody Mary about his threat, an eavesdropping Draco jumping over a wall ala Le Parkour and scolding her for not telling him, the two of them crying until Draco runs out of the room, the band rehearsal continuing, and Dumbledore arriving to tell Ebony that Draco's dead.
Ladies and gentlemen, the one genuinely funny pun in the entire fic.
'Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's after they had recovered because they were pedophiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz.'
Just the fact that, even as batshit-insane this story is, the author somehow manages to predict one of the biggest plot twists of the canon seriesyearsbefore it was revealed. (Spoilers ahead, obviously) "nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!!!!!". The only real inaccuracies are that Voldemort did not die immediately, but merely became vulnerable, and that Harry got better. That said, she also predicts that Snape and Voldemort are the same person and that Harry and Dracowill hook up.
Tara and her friend, who she always gives thanks to in the author's note, get in a fight at one point over clothing being borrowed and never returned. Tara responds by basically tossing her friend's OC under a bus and having the characters talk shit about her; Her friend does the exact same thing to Tara's OC in her own fanfic. The funniest part comes when they apparently get over their spat and the OC returns despite being kicked out of Hogwarts and then gettingkilled immediately afterwards.
Tara apparently has to defend Dumbledore's swearing all the time because the trolls reading keep getting offended, even if Dumbledore doesn't swear in the chapter she's writing her response.
"What's that spell called where you make an animal pop out?"
Their reactions to Voldemort in high heels. "It's the Rocky Horror Potter Show!"
"'Simple' on one cheek, 'Plan' on the other."
The entire cast starts corpsing at the part where Ebony cries "cool tears down my feces."
Manwithoutabody's reading, which also gives Ebony a whiny voice in addition to impersonating the movie characters' voices and making the author notes sound completely insane.
He also insistently pronouces the XXXXXXXXXXXX which Tara uses to separate her author's notes from the actual text phonetically, as 'CSS-CSS-CSS-CSS-CSS'.
Princes Of The Universe being used for the opening music, specifically the "I am immortal, no man can be my equal" part.
The reading even manages to turn Tara's spelling of "sexxy" into a Funny Moment.
As the writing deteriorates throughout the fic, he starts shouting all the number 1's that were intended as exclamation points.
Not from the fanfic, but ROFLPaul, Mango and Lionheart's (three Scottish guys) Dramatic Reading is hilarious.
"I play teh gutter"... what does everyone else play, a drainpipe?
Sopranocath's readings are master works, but special mention goes to the voice her brother uses for Hagrid. The narrator can barely keep it together, and after a while, even the voice actor himself breaks down laughing.
TehPogo's Dramatic Reading series of the story, featuring a brilliant voice-over, hilariously ironic music for the "serious" parts, and ingenious editing skills. Leave the annotations on for added hilarity.
In this series of dramatic readings, there are a few hilarious parts:
With every description of clothes, words come up saying, "NOBODY CARES WHAT [SO-AND-SO] IS WEARING!" with the exception of one time, where it trails off and ends with "You get the idea" and for Harry/Vampire where it trails off and ends with "What have you done?!". The narrator also points out that Hogwarts is supposed to have a school uniform.
Never get between a Mary Sue and her wardrobe.
The narrator points out that Hogwarts is in Scotland by indicating it on the map and writing "Not in England!". He also mentions that Ebony's Count Chocula must be imported as nobody sells it in the UK.
"So she woke up, grinned at you, THEN opened her eyes!?"
The flying car is drawn with bat wings.
The "thingie in you-know-what" line is illustrated with a person putting a block marked "thingie" into a toy marked "you-know-what". Similarly, when the phrase "a big you-know-what" is said, a picture of a monument is used, the first time labelled "you-know-what" and the second time labelled "I've done this joke already." The narrator also points out the fact that Ebony and Draco apparently both have "boy's thingies".
On the "You probably have AIDS anyway" line, the narrator says, "From the tattoo parlor?"
"So [Voldemort] can move things with his mind. That doesn't explain how he knew about Ebony and Draco."
Whoever made this screenshot◊ deserves a Nobel Prize for finding the cure for depression.
Some readers apparently envisioned the school caretaker, Mr. Norris, as Chuck Norris.
All of the visual gags and puns in the comic adaptation on Deviantart and Drunk Duck.
The supposed Tara and Raven channel is a goldmine of this, from Raven's description of herself as the "acid bath princess of darkness" to them having kicked out Justin/Azer due to having caught him shopping at Abercrombie's.
Dorothy Dawson's parody of the fanfic, containing all things she holds dear to her heart, including Shipwrecked Comedy and musical theatre. Her friends and favorite fictional characters often make appearances, and she peppers the story with her annotations.
A group of filmmakers are creating a six-part live action adaption of the story. Instead of actually adapting the story, the series is a Deconstructive Parody. It deconstructs the story by keeping almost all of the characters in-character and actually referred to by their proper names... but keeps all of Ebony's inane dialogue and behavior intact. This results in things like Harry and Ron trying to figure out why Ebony keeps calling them "Vampire" and "Diablo". Just to make it even funnier, the series takes the Ho Yay between Harry and Malfoy and runs with it.
Hermione almost feels bad for the other Slytherins that Ebony is there. Ron adds that the most important word there is "almost".
Cedric describes Ebony's makeup as making her look like a "gothic blowfish".
During the sex scenes, the HP crew wonder if Ebony is Going Commando, since she never mentions her undies.
George wants to yell Dumbledore's famous first line in Snape's class, but Ron reminds him that Snape would bite his head off if he did.
Marietta and Cho, after McGonagall calls Ebony and Draco "mediocre dunces", speculate that Tara got her confused with Snape, since namecalling is more his thing.
After Vampire Potter's debut...
Luna: "Wait, so she roared like a lion? Shouldn't she be in Gryffindor?"
Hermione: "Oh, Merlin, no, we don't want her!"
Harry: "OK, first off, I do not grumble while making introductions. Second off I do not go by Vampire. Thirdly I think blood tastes disgusting. Fourthly I don't giggle like a little schoolgirl, no offence to any girls in here, and finally I do not whimper!"
Although admittedly not as funny as Raven's character being expelled, murdered and corpse-raped (in that order), Raven's comments towards Tara and her treatment of Tara's character in her own fanfic is still hilarious:
"a/n: TARA IS DA BIGGEST FUCKING BITCH EVER AND BY THE WAY I'M A BIGGER MCR FAN AND GERARD IS MINE 4EVA SO FUCK U! AND I'M NOT GIVING U UR SWEATER BACK!"
"That fucking retard Elvira (whose real name was Lindsay like that fucking ho Lindsay Loan) had gone all the way back to first-year and they put her in Gryffindor where all the retarded preps were because she couldn't even write properly and she had to get all her friends 2 do it for her."