Quotes / Linear Warriors, Quadratic Wizards

Now if you don't mind I'm somewhat preoccupied telling the laws of physics to shut up and sit down.

— Vaarsuvius, The Order of the Stick

Foolish girl! I am a druid, I have special features that are more powerful than your entire class!

— Leeky Windstaff, The Order of the Stick

When the new classes (such as "Magic User" and eventually "Thief" and "Cleric") were introduced, they were intended to be better than the Fighting Men. And, well, they totally were...The basic setup of the game has changed a lot, but Fighters have changed only a little. In a very real way, the Player's Handbook hands us Fighting Men who would be better suited to appear in groups of 3 per player than to stand alone. And really, that has got to stop.

— Frank and K, Races of War (3.5e Sourcebook)

Jaela Daran: That is... impossible! How could you have done that!?

Erandis d'Vol: By being a Level 15 wizard.

Jaela Daran: I... cannot argue against this answer...

—Strip #28, Jaela's Troubles

O, what a world of profit and delight,

Of power, of honour, of omnipotence,

Is promis'd to the studious artisan!...

A sound magician is a mighty god.

— Faustus

"It's well known that Dungeons & Dragons was made by people who were mad at being beaten up by jocks in school, so made a game where being a jock is punished by being boring and only able to fight harder when they get higher up in level, whereas all the 'nerd' types get to bend reality and do the actual work. And we all know most of the rage about 4E is just because Wizards decided to put a stop to groups that were nothing but clerics, druids and magicians so tried to make people pick a fighter for a reason."

— Satirical take on Dungeons & Dragons.

Your wizard is like Magikarp, except instead of Gyarados it evolves into Mewtwo.

—DivineDragoonKain, User on GameFAQs Pen and Paper RPG board

the key to success in life is to work hard, set goals, and have access to a powerful magic spellbook

—Wolfpupy

Mike Krahulik/Jim Darkmagic: The ground in front of him splits open, fire spills out of it, and a giant magma hand reaches out. It slams against the ground and pulls up a beast made of lava and rock, who stands beside Jim. And Jim just points at the hydra.
Scott Kurtz/Binwin Bronzebottom: Wait, what level are you? Because I have, like, a hammer...

—Acquisitions Incorporated

Marisha Ray: Can I take this bonus action to turn into a earth elemental and slide to the edge of the cliff?

Matthew Mercer: Because you have unlimited beast shapes.

Marisha Ray: Level 20 druids.

Matthew Mercer: Ah, fucking druids.

Sam Riegel: They're the worst.

Laura Bailey: Level 20 druids can do anything—

Sam Riegel: Forever.

Laura Bailey: Level 20 ranger-rogue— Drowns. Super easy.

—Critical Role,

Cleric: Oh, we're four rounds into the fight! Did you attack a few times? Oh ho, good for you! Because I'm passively generating 3d8 + 20 damage, all with an action left over to do this. (He claps his hands, bringing a nearby dead man back to life)
Formerly Dead Man: I'm alive!
Cleric: And, I have a little cartoon hammer. BOOP! (he uses said hammer to kill the man he just raised)

—Animated Spellbook: Healer Feat

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