Funny / XCOM: The Advent Directive

Just because Earth is the battleground for a full-on war between humanity and the Collective doesn't mean it can't still elicit a few chuckles from time to time.

The XCOM Files

• In The XCOM Files, the chapters are fairly serious, being a series of documents, dossiers, and analysis on the various aspects of the setting, XCOM, ADVENT, and the aliens. Then we get to Chapter 28, titled Miscellaneous - Aliens and the Internet. The quote below sets the tone for the chapter:
  Zar’Chon’ravarian’vitiary: Quisilia, to borrow a human expression, what the fuck are you doing?
  • In the Author's Note, the proposed alternate title would be "In which Quisilia trolls the human race."
  • When the aliens gain access to the Internet, one would expect them to use propaganda to shift public opinion, similar to Germany, amongst other things. While that's what Quisilia and Sana’Ligna attempt to do, what also winds up happening is that they barely make any attempts to hide their identities, especially Quisilia.
  • Quisilia signs up on Twitter and sets up accounts for the Battlemaster and Zar’Chon. The Battlemaster posts his confusion and Quisilia, being Quisilia, teases him and uses hashtags and all. Zar'Chon then tweets out in frustration that they just confirmed their accounts to XCOM...while exposing himself in the process. At no point does it occur to them that their tweets are public and available for anybody to see. After another non-serious post by Quisilia, they both proceed to block him. Yes, even the Battlemaster figured out how to use Twitter's block feature at that point.
  • Quisilia runs a Reddit AMA, titled "IAMA Alien Invading Your World! Ask Me Anything!" Naturally, nobody believes him and call him a troll. Then he promptly shows pictures and videos when one of them asks for it. Cue Mass "Oh, Crap!" from everybody in the thread and Quisilia threatening them with death if they continue to fight. In the same post, he says he's going to visit /r/aww to lighten the mood.
  • Just the fact that there's an entire subreddit that the Vitakara exclusively use. They manage to make their posts in the Ethereal Script language only, but somehow haven't figured out how to make the subreddit private. Jackson speculates that the Vitakara are restricted in what they can access, although she immediately admits that it isn't always true, pointing out an incident where a confused group of Vitakara posted in /r/aliens thinking it's for them.
  • The Battlemaster uses the search engine on Google and Tumblr. He searches up elves and winds up watching The Lord of the Rings trilogy. Next, he looks up "Xenophilia" and the next thing he types in are "human mental disorders" and "human mental sexual disorders". Next, he decides to forward results on vore and furries to Sana’Ligna. Then on Tumblr, he looks up alien furries. The Battlemaster immediately logs out and bans the aliens from accessing the site.
  • The Archivist giving Titanic a 1/5 on Netflix.
• The aliens internet shenanigans continue in Chapter 100.
  Zar’Chon’ravarian’vitiary: “There are days when I wonder just whose side Quisilia is on. I begin to see why Humans wish to get intoxicated.”
  • The Andromedons, as it turns out, love Star Wars and get into arguments and long-winded discussions about it, so much so that Jackson notes that the vast majority of the Andromedons are pro-Separatist, pro-Rebel, and Pro-Resistance. Quisilia even attempted to introduce them to the franchise's meme culture, although they ignored him. They even participate in roleplay threads on other sites.
  • It turns out that ADVENT is using the meme community as part of their propaganda and one of the formats that went viral is Quisilia getting thrown back into a building by the Chronicler.
  • The Vitakara really love Youtube, to the point where Jackson says 90% of them spend their time there. Since they like, subscribe, and share every single video they see, it completely messed with the site's algorithm and has led to small channels receiving tens of thousands of subscribers overnight.
  • The fact that Quisilia had to get his own section in Jackson's report to the Commander due to being a massive Troll.''
  Jackson: “The Ethereal Memelord is getting his own section. Sue me.”
  • As it turns out, Quisilia somehow managed to hold stock in various businesses, like Youtube, Twitter, and even Viagra.
  • After a company pulls out of a deal with him, he manages to hack their site and social media accounts and change everything into a shrine that says: “The Great and Glorious Quisilia, Hail be His Name, Amen.” The kicker? The Church of Scientology got the bright idea to try to sue him. After Quisilia mocks them and hacks their site to show his shrine, they kept piling on litigation until the site was forced to be pulled. Naturally, Quisilia kills the Scientology leaders and lawyers in retaliation.
  • The aliens attempt Operation Internet Cesspool on 4chan. It works for a bit until they wound up being exposed by other anons. The result? The alien network being attacked, the computers being filled with troll faces, the proxy bank accounts being emptied and used to buy chocolate, an agent that tried to salvage the situation being tracked down by the users and promptly arrested by ADVENT, and forcing the alien computers to download both human and furry pornography.
  Zar’wiaria’borelia: “I know far more about Human anatomy than I ever wanted to thanks to this, and I’ll never be able to look at another one the same way again.”