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Funny / Waking Nightmares

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  • Engineer meeting Barricade, a massive pegasus:
    Engineer: "Ah didn't know ponies could breed with bulldozers."
  • "You do realize," Scout said, "That you basically said 'I'll tell Mom on you' just now?"
    "You do realize," Spy retorted, "That I've done your Mom?"

  • Masky Pegasus triple Oh Crap during his first confrontation with Mitta as the Mare-Do-Well.
  • PAI Nis Cupcake. My God, PAI Nis Cupcake.
    Derpy: "What's going on? What's wrong with Soldier?"
    Medic: "Ze world's STUPIDEST medical condition."
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  • It became a game of cat-and-mouse, almost. Nightmare Doctor would try charging in, teleporting in, anything to get at Engirarity. But she would always be a step ahead, quickly reloading and repairing damage to her Dispenser or Sentry, seemingly anticipating wherever he would appear, as if some part of her was paranoidly watching around her at all times.
    In another universe, RED Spy briefly felt a strong sense of pride he couldn't explain. He quickly decided to just savor it and go pester RED Sniper.
  • When Pyro accidentally destroys Trixie's hat, all the BLUs treat it as very Serious Business.
  • Spy: "I would have figured zat you would have befriended Rainbow Dash first, instead of Pinkie Pie."
    Scout: "No way. You talked to her? She's mouthy, pushy, obnoxious, she's got an ego bigger than Heavy's fat ass, and why are you smiling at me like that?
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  • Pinkie shook her head, shocked. "She(the Administrator) sounds like a big ol' stinky meanie of a meanie-pants," she said. "I don't like her one bit. I don't think I'd ever throw a party for her, and I threw a party for that meanie Gilda after she scared Fluttershy."
    A universe away, the Administrator felt like someone had just payed her a sublime compliment. She treated herself to one of her finer cigars as a reward.
  • Rainbows are spicy, Scout found that out the hard way.
  • Thunderlane getting stared down by the entire BLU team for daring to claim hats are stupid. And hiding behind Blossomforth. Even the RED team, who might we remind you are in another universe, stare down at Thunderlane through the spot where the BLU Team vanished.
    "...Why are we staring at this spot again?"
  • When Rarity's parent's subject everyone to their awful cooking, Heavy takes charge to straighten things out and make a proper meal. Highlights include:
    • Getting an exorcist to clear out the kitchen.
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    • Rarity's parents cooking from the Chefonomicon.
    • Spy's dish eating his fork.
    • Heavy talking about bacon zen.
  • Masky Pegasus corrupts Heavy. The result is Nightmare Cuddles, whom looks like a giant plush alicorn. Everypony except for Medic, Soldier, and an understandably confused Masky Pegasus are thoroughly amused by this , as Cuddles is pretty passive, singing and dancing with Pinkie Pie.
  • Soldier doing a drill sergeant routine for the Zap Apple jam jars in chapter 14, feeling foolish until he starts getting into it. Plus, in the same chapter, Pyro's antics when she decides to intervene.
  • To help fight Gray Mann's robots, RED Soldier decided to create a fake Mann Co. base to lure the robots there. RED Spy tells him that the robots are not going to fall for it. The robots come anyways. This results in Spy simply standing there, refusing to acknowledge that Solider was right.
  • The Rhetorical Question Blunder of the changeling impostors.
    Barricade: "Do you like your beatings performed with the forehooves or the backhooves?"
    Imposter: "Backhooves. (Beat) Wasn't I supposed to answer?"
  • How does Sniper snap Spy out of his brainwashing? He hits him with jarate.
  • During the otherwise serious scene of Celestia interrogating Discord in his dreams (with Luna watching from the moon) we get this:
    Celestia: "Thank you again, Luna. I... did you take a bite out of the moon?"
    Luna: "I... ah... Tia, this moon... it's feta cheese. I love feta cheese."
  • Sniper's Revenge Fantasy: to be crowned King, with a meek and subservient Saxton Hale under him, and being able to throw RED Spy into a literal ocean of Jarate. And then the Snoipahdiles come out...
    Snoipahdiles: G'day! G'day! G'day!
    BLU Spy: What.
  • This exchange between two of Gray Mann's robots, an Engineer and a Spy, spying on the BLUs and the Elements of Harmony.
    [Subject Designate: Princess Twilight Sparkle – combat data recorded. Fighting style: Extreme power magic user.]
    [Acknowledged: Uploading information to database.]
    [Requesting permission to enter retreat mode.]
    [Negative. Original information indicated Subject Designate: Twilight Sparkle to be just a unicorn and not an alicorn princess. Further data required. Keep to original programming.]
    [Requesting permission to enter retreat mode.]
    [Requesting permission to enter retreat mode.]
    [Requesting permission to run the fuck away from the magical creature that can probably junk my metal ass in under a millisecond.]
    [Stay there or I'll junk you myself.]
  • When Luna needs to explain to some guards why she and Harbinger were in the Canterlot dungeons, she comes up with the perfect way to get the guards to stop asking questions:
    Luna: "Harbinger is my chosen Consort. It is my right to sneak off to someplace private with him and have him ride me into the sunset."
    Harbinger: (Luminescent Blush)
  • Nightmare Gardener singing Mean Green Mother From Outer Space is this, in a moment of Black Comedy. Made even better by Chrysalis- quite hypocritically- calling her out on it.
  • Merasmus transports RED Spy to Equestria by conjuring a set of magical bombs to blow him there. Spy has just enough time to realize what's happening.
    Spy: "You miserable, stinky, festering SONUVA-"
  • When a Spybot's cloak fails:
    Applejack (Kicks its head off)
  • As revealed on the author's Tumblr, the fate of Flash Sentry: it's revealed that he is actually a sexual predator, who wanted bragging rights of having slept with an alicorn. When this came to light, Shining Armor had a "long, civilized talk" with Flash before reassigning him to the farthest military outpost in the Frozen North.
  • The first time we meet Barricade's husband, Tender Loving Care, he's berating Barricade for taking so many risks in their last battle and hitting her over the head with a newspaper. He's described as small. Barricade's about as big as Heavy.
  • Prince Blueblood falling for a trick from Scout and accidentally making Pyro believe he wanted his balls set on fire.
  • Gray mentions that he came while stabbing his brothers to death.
  • Blutarch Mann asks Gray where his mercenaries are. Gray's answer.
    Gray: In a magical pony land, finding love, happiness, and being hailed as heroes for saving lives from evil monsters that have been attacking them.
    Blutarch: Be serious, Gray.
    Gray: I am.
    Blutarch: …Seriously?
    • Gray was quietly amused by the fact that such a silly statement actually applied in reality.
  • Derpy Hooves's parents' names:
    Dr. Rorschach: What sort of parents name their child Derpy?
    TL Care: Her mother, Klutzy Schmuck, and her father, Big Dimwit.
    Dr. Rorschach: You're kidding.
    TL Care: I really wish I was.

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