Funny / Quantico

Season 1

• Caleb tries to research Eric by going through his social media accounts. It doesn't work so well.
  Caleb: Wait, who gives everything five stars? Why is the only movie on here City Slickers? Eric's instagram, it's—it's just memes.
• Just the flashbacks of Alex attending the FBI Academy with the other trainees making it look like something from high school.
• During marksmanship practice, Caleb asks a shooting range if he can change weapons because his issued weapon has a malfunction.
• Simon's attempt to ignore Elias' attempt to hit on him in the academy.
• Nimah gets punched in the face by Raina in order to cover up the masquerade with them having a black eye.
• Asher proves rather competent with weapon usage and hostage identification during the Hogan's Alley scene:
  Caleb: When did Harry Potter become James Bond?
• The big pileup when Shelby, Alex and Ryan aim guns at each other in the former's residence.
• Miranda tells the recruits that they get the night off from academy work... right to undercover work.
• The ending of "Go" becomes Black Comedy when armed terrorists think that the FBI is onto them and go out guns blazing, only to be killed because they opened fire at their presence and they were hunting a rogue agent.
• Ryan calling Simon "Waldo" as they pretend to fight as a distraction.
• Nimah's complaints about Simon always talking to her "about nothing, about coffee - I don't even like coffee!" become even funnier upon Simon's confession to Elias that he doesn't actually like coffee, either.
• Come the winter finale, the agents are woken up for their 7 AM wake-up call the weekend of New Year's. They are greeted with alcohol an Christmas cookies, instead of the usual workout regimen.
  • After talking about their big holiday plans, Alex, Natalie, Shelby and Nimah all show up back at thier dorm to realize they're all staying behind.
  Alex: You know what this means?
  Natalie: Someone has to go on a liquour run?
  • Caleb's actions during the finale are pretty solid funny moments as well. Such as him having a sweet moment with Shelby before running off shouting "Keg stands!", or finishing his drink in the middle of class while propping his feet up on the table like he's hanging out at home.
  • When Shelby insists she's only going to the Haas Christmas party if Alex and Vasquez can come, too. Alex throws her hands in the air in glee.
• Pretty much anything Caleb says.
• Hannah's Motor Mouth tendencies.
• In "Clue", the failure of the team to secure the aircraft from terrorists during a training scenario with a variety of mistakes that are too easy to miss.
• Iris and Will's method of getting back into America without their passports: getting themselves deported by completely stripping down at airport security and then streak across the terminal.
• Jacob and Caleb singing during the graduation celebration after having some bottles of beer.

Season 2

• Alex and Ryan bickering and trying to talk over each other until Miranda and Keys order them to be quiet. At one point, they even answer simultaneously:
  Keys: The fact that it was at the same time, that's just coincidence.
  Alex and Ryan: There's no such thing! [Alex looks disbelievingly at Ryan]
• Alex and Ryan decide to dub the conspiracy the "AIC":
  Shelby: The AIC?
  Alex: It's "CIA" in reverse. Ryan came up with the name. I thought it was cute.
  Shelby: Cute? You gave a group of deadly insurgents a nickname!
  Alex: It's better than "rogue faction."
• In "KMFORGET", Ryan and Alex have to go 'old school' and use two pay phones to secure their communications to Shelby and Nimah.
• The CLF mole in "FALLENORACLE" groans that AIC is a bad nickname.
• Alex and Harry kiss in LNWILT so the security guard that walks into the room doesn't ask what they're doing there:
  Alex: Please don't tell anyone! I'll definitely lose my job if they find out about us.
  Harry: And as I'm a man, I probably wouldn't.
• Nimah doesn't understand why Shelby likes Bloody Marys.
  Shelby: How about a Bloody Mary instead?
  Nimah: I don't get your Bloody Marys, if I wanted a gazpacho, I would order one.
• When Felix tells Nimah that she's welcome to come see him any time, she answers by saying that she'll wait until his funeral and calls him a right wing sellout.
• In MHORDER, Caleb is wandering downstairs:
  Caleb: Clay! [groans] Clay? [a few moments later, sighs] Who's gonna make me waffles?
• Raina calls Ryan out for being bitter and putting his wounded ego above the cause.
• Will claims breaking the law can be the right way if you don't get caught, then adds that he's broken more federal laws than Owen and Miranda combined and faced zero consequences.

Season 3

• Shelby acts as Jocelyn's interpreter while undercover. As soon as they're alone again, Jocelyn says that Shelby was putting words in her mouth and she didn't say any of that. Turns out, Shelby flunked the FBI's ASL course.
• Alex and Harry have to "babysit" a sassy ten year old who could be the key to curing a virus.
  Girl: Hey, Jeeves!
  Harry: No one in the history of the British empire has ever actually been named "Jeeves."
• A bit of Black Comedy. A prosecutor insists his drug dealer witness will make it to the stand. He points to the man's neck tattoo which says "suerte" which means "lucky." Right on cue, the man's body falls from his hotel room right in front of the prosecutor and an FBI agent, his "lucky" tattoo on display.
• Alex brings a witness to a mostly deserted apartment.
  Charlie: Damn, this is depressing, even for a safehouse.
  Alex: I live here.
• To get at a terrorist target who's gay, Celine and Jagdeep create profiles on a gay site of Harry, Ryan and Owen. They are not pleased.
  Harry: Come on, guys, seriously? You know my pecs are better than that.
  Owen: My alias is "Lance Castle."
  Harry: Oh, you did not call me "Gunther LaLane."
  Ryan: "Brock Huntsman."
  Harry: What 1970s porno are you two living in?
  Ryan: I'm an "otter turned leather daddy?" What does that mean?!
  Jagdeep: Actually, it's an interesting hold-over from the days...
  • The kicker is when they're told the target wants to meet one of them and wary asking "Which one?" It's Ryan and when he complains about the tight pants, Jocelyn signs "try six inch stilettos and a bikini on a Russian gangster's yacht."
• Harry meets an old Russian agent adversary who actually has intel on who's trying to kill an Emir's son (the Emir is dying and Russia is worried his son is too close to the U.S.). Meeting on a rooftop, the two are wary as they slowly disarm and then, to prove they're not wearing any hidden weapons or wires, strip down to their underwear. Cut to Ryan watching on a rooftop.
  Ryan: Seriously, Harry? Briefs?
• The team have to take some military scientists to safety via an old-styled steam passenger train.
  Harry: This is brilliant! I get to live out my steampunk cosplay and my Agatha Christie fantasies in one go!
• Harry and Jocelyn are looking at corpses in a morgue to find one to be the double for a guy they have to fake "assassinating."
  Harry: Okay, we have looked at thirteen dead Asian men. That is officially a fetish.
• While the idea of the team's families under danger from a killer is dramatic, there is surprising comedy when Harry picks up his sister, Maisie, who has the same smart mouth he does. She first assumes "I'm your beard" to meet his friends and rants on how distant they've been, trolling on how she had a kid before admitting she didn't.
  • Everyone is thrown to find out Harry has a sister and Maisie brushes off "I know, I'm as shocked as you are."
  • Ryan tells his dad they need to be with Shelby and his dad complains this is "payback for Thanksgiving. I told you, I had a flat!"
  Shelby: How do I get him to not hate me?
  Ryan: Play quarterback for the Steelers.
  • Alex says she'd rather take on the killer than deal with her mother. Shelby adds she'd rather deal with both than have to handle Ryan's dad.
  Shelby: How does he not like me? Everybody likes me!