Marika's Tits, What Now?
is a Elden Ring and Baldur's Gate III Crossover written by Shocker of Vanishing Act fame.
At the Mountaintop of the Giants, Melina prepares to sacrifice herself so that her Tarnished companion Creighton may finally continue the path of becoming Elden Lord. Before the flames can take hold of the Erdtree, however, a burst of light encompasses the Lands Between. When Creighton awakens, he finds himself lost in a strange land.
And he is not alone. Others, both old friends and foes, have also been tossed into Faerun. Now Creighton must find a way back to the Lands Between, all the while dealing with the Cult of the Absolute and whatever else from the Lands Between has found its way here.
This fanfic contains examples of the following tropes:
- Adaptation Name Change: The Dark Urge is called Aztur in this fic.
- Beware the Nice Ones:
- While Zorayas might be one of the nicest members of Volcano Manor, she's still a willing servant of the Recusants, much less their leader's adopted daughter. Patches even lampshades this when a bunch of bandits happen upon them, with Rya briefly turning into her true snake-like form to kill the one holding her "hostage".
- Aztur comes off as being rather friendly, with eyes that describe him as someone who couldn't hurt a fly. He's also this fanfic's Dark Urge, with his first indulgence of the Urge being Alfira's brutal murder. Not that he remembers ever doing such a thing.
- Big Damn Heroes: Sellen shows up to save Goldmask, just as Auntie Ethel is about to get her hands on him.
- Clingy McGuffin: To Shadowheart's distress, the Astral Prism she was tasked to retrieve is oddly clingly toward Aztur as when he tries to give it back to her, it flies back to him.
- Crisis of Faith: Goldmask undergoes one as he's one of those banished by the Greater Will to the Forgotten Realms. That he was included distresses him since he did nothing to harm the Golden Order and has no intention of revealing Queen Marika's "secret".
- Cutting Off the Branches: Creighton sided with Ranni and makes mention of having wanted to visit the Lake of Rot. Given how he's already dealt with Radahn, an important step in her questline, he also found the Fingerslayer Blade and dealt with the Baleful Shadow. Blaidd's presence also indicates Creighton freed him from his evergaol after Iji sealed him away for his own good.
- Demonic Possession: When Creighton first met Shabriri, he possessed his friend Yura's corpse and attempted to persuade him to become the Lord of Chaos. He's later revealed to be possessing True Soul Nere.
- Distracted by the Sexy: At first, Shadowheart appraises Nepheli...then stares a few moments at her arms and exposed midriff.
- Glamour Failure: Goldmask is easily able to see through Auntie Ethel's illusion as an old woman. Sellen, similarly, is able to see through the illusion cast on the wider swamp.
- God Was My Copilot: Ranni mentions how the moon of Faerun is kind enough to assist her after she lost a significant portion of her power. Given how the moon is closely associated with Selune, it's implied the goddess finds a kindred spirit with Ranni and willingly offers her aid.
- Hate at First Sight: Downplayed. When Shadowheart first meets Ranni, she reacts with distrust due to her lunar motif, no doubt drawing parallels between her and Selune, Shar's rival and sister deity.
- Hope Spot: When Creighton is made aware of the illithid tadpoles inside the heads of his new companions, he states he knows a spell that might be able to remove them, but he's unsure whether it will really work. He decides to run a test on one of the goblins who also has a tadpole in their head. Upon using the Law of Regression, the enchantment on the tadpole disappears, causing Gut to under a fatal transformation. Learning Creighton's "cure" doesn't work disappoints the others, but they're undeterred in finding a cure for their predicament.
- Humanoid Abomination: How Creighton views Shabriri. Given how Shabriri is possessing Yura's corpse when he meets him, he has good reason to be wary of the Frenzied Flame's advocate.
- Killed Off for Real: Prior to being punted to Faerun, Creighton managed to kill Godrick, Radahn, Morgott, and Mohg, leaving only Malenia and Rykward the only Shardbearers unaccounted for.
- Let's Split Up, Gang!: The group decides to split into two groups to pursue the gith creche and rescue Halsin respectively, with Creighton, Shadowheart, Gale, and Wyll leaving to find Halsin while Aztur, Lae'zel, Astarion, and Blaidd search for the gith creche.
- Mistaken For Villain: Much like Wyll, Nepheli Loux believes Karlach is actually a reviled devil causing chaos and is tricked by the false Paladins serving Zariel to slay her. The misunderstanding is quickly cleared when Karlach has an opening to kill Nepheli, but doesn't take it. Upon realizing she was misled again, Nepheli is rightfully pissed and agrees to help Karlach kill Zariel's goons.
- Mistaken Identity: When Ketheric first hears of the Dung Eater's actions, he initially mistakes them for Gortash's companion and friend due to the sheer brutality inflicted on the victims.
- Mythology Gag:
- Creighton inquires as to where exactly he is after becoming properly acquainted with Gale, Shadowheart, and Astarion. Among the places he lists are Eochaid, a lesser-known domain that disappeared (and is only mentioned in the flavor text of the Regalia of Eochaid straight sword), the Land of Reeds, and Boletaria.
- The name Creighton is also a reference to Creighton the Wanderer from Dark Souls 2.
- Named by the Adaptation: In this fanfic, the Tarnished Player Character is called Creighton.
- No-Sell: Auntie Ethel tries to peer into Goldmask's mind, only to be rebuffed. She's surprised by the strength of his mental defense, which garners her interest and attempts to capture him until Sellen shows up and saves him from the hag.
- O.O.C. Is Serious Business: True Soul Nere is nothing short of a condescending smug snake who takes every opportunity to demean and insult others around him. When he's rescued from the cave-in, however, he acts noticeably subdued and cordial while musing the purpose of a "True Soul". Then the druager tending to him sees his sickly yellow eyes, revealing he's been infected with the Frenzied Flame. Chapter 4 later reveals it's a case of Demonic Possession as Shabriri was one of those displaced to the Forgotten Realms by the Greater Will.
- Outside Context Magic: Downplayed. Sorceries and incantations in the Lands Between are a different brand of magic than what is used in the Forgotten Realms, but they aren't so foreign that other people can't learn them. Creighton teaches Shadowheart some incantantions and offers her one of his seals, which she later uses to great effect in the Blighted Village.
- Running Gag: Once again, Iron-Fist Alexander finds himself stuck in a hole. Unlike the last two times, it's not Creighton who helps him out.
- Trapped in Another World: According to Ranni, the Greater Will realized what Melina and Creighton were about to do and decided to personally intervene, banishing him and many others from the Lands Between to another realm of reality. This isn't permanent as Ranni claims the act has left the Greater Will weakened to the point it will not be able to pull off such a trick again, and given how traveling between dimensions is a thing in the Forgotten Realms, it's unlikely Creighton will be missing from the Lands Between for very long.
- Villain Takes an Interest: Upon meeting the Dung Eater and defeating him after a surprisingly difficult battle, Ketheric decides to "induct" the Dung Eater into his ranks and sends him to the mind flayer colony, much to the surprise and dismay of his subordinates.
