(in Rika's room, so many hours later, we find all the Ranger/Sentai actors, Mako, and Matoi dumbstruck)
Jason: All those things...they should not be! They should not be!
Mao: I've never felt so unclean throughout my life!
Brittany: I have to admit, some parts were really creepy. (she shudders)
Alex: And what's up with my character? I don't remember his dad being Japanese...
(Sean is hit the hardest of all: he isn't moving, just sporting a look of despair and disgust. Ryota tries to wave his hand at his ally, hoping to snap him back to reality)
Ryota: Sean? You okay? Sir?
(then, in a whispered tone...)
Sean: ...I need something to wipe the images off my head. Now.
(Ryota opens up some Brain Bleach, and he dumps it on Sean. This brings the ex-Lightspeed Rescue actor back to normal)
Ugh...what the hell did I just read?
Jason: This...fanfic. I just...
(as Jason buries his head with his hands, muttering about contradictions to Sentai, all mentions of "Radiguet" glow onto the screen)
Mako: What's going on?!
Matoi: This may be dangerous. Everyone, get ready!
(but when everyone prepares themselves, Radiguet himself appears on the screen!)
Who are you?
Radiguet: I am Radiguet! The God for humanity!
(everyone is stunned...and then, they all, except for Jason, laugh hysterically)
Sean: Seriously? You call yourself a God? Please!
Alex: We've faced worse villains before. Why are you any different?
Radiguet: Oh, you'll see. Laugh now, but when we're finished with your friend, we will rule.
Ryota: ...who's "we"?
Radiguet: Not just me...but my master.
(the heroes then know the situation's growing more serious)
Mako: Where's Rika?
Radiguet: Take a look for yourself.
(the screen changes to Rika, still held captive...and having lots of empty sake bottles around her. Tranza is trying to remain composed, and Radiguet continues speaking)
We know what she does. We're hoping that this story will bring her so much despair, she will become our master's host. And there's nothing she can do about it...
Sean: ...
I knew it. You guys never change your overall plans, do you? (he laughs while shaking his head)
Radiguet: This time, we will succeed. And if you want Rika back, you'll have to find her yourselves!
(he then appears on the screen)
Good luck, All-Stars.
(with a cruel grin, he vanishes)
Rin: So how do we find Rika?
Ryota: I think I know how. Guys, it's time to board the Gokai Galleon. We'll find the coordinates to the nearest spot, and then we'll face our enemies.
Mao: The Gokai Galleon? I thought...
Ryota: Let's just say that the Gokaigers, our characters, aren't the only ones capable of using it. We can, with our Hidden Powers, Mao.
(Sean then remembers the Mobirate he used, and he gives it to Mao)
Sean: I believe this is yours, Miss. (nods)
Mao: Oh, thank you...
Matoi: We'd better prepare ourselves...I don't know how rough it will be, but I hope we make it out alive!
Ryota: We'll survive! We'll do this strongly! Brazenly! Everyone...
Jason: Let's get showy!
All-Stars/Mako/Matoi: RIGHT!
(and so, the All-Stars, Mako, and Matoi board the Gokai Galleon, and cue the most obvious theme song for this entire arc
)
(meanwhile, back at the lair, Rika is staring blankly)
Rika: ...man. Do I have to do this? I mean, I know the writing's not going to improve, everything will be focused more and more on Cole, and...gah. And the worst part? Some chapters are basically two-parters, which means double the torture, double the Flanderization, double the bullshit.
And double the apathy, if I can even "muster" that.
But you know what? I gotta press on.
Previously! Takeru's team met the BFJ team. Egos, Trakeena, and Long executed the trap. And Aka Red's fusee is finally revealed, and dear God, this is so gonna suck.
So let's go forth with...!
(click!)
Chapter 9: Feverish Battle Victory
We begin the chapter where we left off, with the villains piloting the Battle Fever Robo, planning to destroy the city and tarnish the BFJ team. But enough about that...
...because it's time! The Cole Evans Show, Starring Cole Evans and Friends!
(cue canned applause)
We're back to the New Skybase, where Cole walks over, still detained. Naturally, Hoji and Tetsu forget that, well, Cole's still naked. Even Tommy and Jason are shocked to see their friend like that. And embarrassed.
Tetsu explained that they can't blame him for what happened, since—obviously—he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. He discusses about how they'll be joined by more Sentai Warriors, and as for the Rangers, they will show up against their will.
Well, isn't that just fuckin' nice?
Honestly, if there was a huge situation like this, and the Sentai Warriors need the Rangers' help, why not have one of their elders visit their world, go to the people they need, and ask if they want to come with them? After explaining the situation, of course. Granted, it wouldn't solve much in the way of why portals appear everywhere, but we can just say the villains of both worlds are causing them, so that way, they can visit each other's worlds.
(Rika takes a deep breath, and she drinks)
So after Cole gets dressed, Hoji asks him if he's a Ranger. The man states that he's a former Ranger, that he doesn't have his powers right now, but he did receive a dream vision of Aka Red saying things about his arrival.
...and another mention about "facing his destiny" and how "he wasn't exactly human".
(Rika taps her fingers against a conveniently-placed table)
Cole's barely the only person who has done not-so-human feats, you do realize that, yes? If you look at it this way, pretty much everyone has done it at least once. Some moreso than others.
Tommy then thinks as to why Cole had to show up like that. Answer: because Aka Red is a fucking idiot and doesn't know when to actually open up a portal. For that matter...it's almost tempting to place him as the reason why portals show up every so often, considering that we saw him open one up before Cole got dressed.
But I'll reserve my judgments for later.
He then thinks about the "prophecy" for the fusee. Are you ready?
- "He who slew the dragon far bigger than the rest in space will appear to help end the war. When a crisis arrives, he will appear again to aid the heroes in their time of peril."
By the way, yes, it does refer to Cole using his new toy to take down Serpentera in "Forever Red". And by the way? Originally, it wasn't going to be that way! At first, we would have had a Zord battle with the Red Rangers against Serpentera, among other things. But Executive Meddling happened, so that's how we ended up getting that ending.
...and personally, while Cole defeating Serpentera is okay, it's really not that big of an accomplishment. Compared to, say, saving the entire universe even if you have to be a whiny asshole in the process, changing history, or my personal favorite, shooting a monster at close range, preventing your friends' deaths by going back in time, and willing to get the shit beat out of you--in Hell--for all eternity in order to save the world.
What I'm saying is, if you have to pick a reason as to why Cole's the Chosen One (TM) compared to more worthy Red Rangers, just choose a better damn reason other than fanservice.
Anyway...as Tommy ponders about this, Houka...oy. She's starting to drool over Cole. This is just going to be what his characterization is, isn't it? Be a God Mode Stu, have his good traits (which aren't necessarily good) magnified, and have girls go after him in every opportunity?
(Rika downs her third bottle of sake)
Alcohol. Gotta have it when Akizuki's involved.
So after a couple scenes with Bulk and Skull leading Cole around, and Raita talking to his family on Yahoo! Messenger (I don't know if Akizuki ever heard of, say, Skype), Jetman!Ryu tells Takeru that they need to think of a plan to bring the Battle Fever Robo back to the good guys' hands. Because, with the situation like this, it may be possible that the U.A.O.E will have all the giant robots. Takeru heads back to the BFJ era and discusses this with the group.
Kimberly decides that the best way is to use brains, not fighting. How? For one thing, she learned the art of deceit from Umeko, the "instant change" thing. And we get a lot of repetition with the whole "use brains, not brawn" and "have to use deceit" things.
...there's Viewers Are Goldfish, there's Anvilicious, and then there's...this.
Also, Zach thinks he has no problem infiltrating. Why?
- Zach: "I'm dark as ever."
...awkward.
And aside from wearing dark clothes, he learned the art of infiltrating. Okay, about that last bit. Either Akizuki pulled this straight out of his ass, or that must be one hell of a wicked awesome Peace Conference, if he ever trained it there.
So everyone will be dressed in dark clothing. Yes, that's what constitues as "infiltrating", apparentally. And Souta's at the warehouse, dressed as a Cutman.
Wait. Wasn't Souta even with the group when they talked?
(Rika facepalms)
As for Kimberly herself? She has a way to bring the guys out. And it ain't going to be easy. It's the art of seduction. In other words...
(in a deep, bold voice) FANSERVICE!
(Rika does a double facepalm)
Tranza: ...
(he's starting to crack, minute by minute)
Rika: This is just getting dumber and dumber by the minute. Not to mention...yeah, it's fine and all that Umeko trained her, but to me, it just reeks OOC for Kimberly. And trust me, it's only going to get a hell of a lot worse.
Meanwhile, at the base, Satan Egos has a new plan: destroy the city and make sure the heroes don't get the robot back. And if all else fails, just fucking destroy it! Yeah, I got nothing.
At the same time, Kimberly is working on a distraction. No, she doesn't do a singing number, but that would make slightly more sense than what's going on. Rather, she's in a bathtub, seducing the guards.
...
(Rika sighs)
I'm sorry. But...I don't really know what to say about that. I really...don't. (rubs her forehead)
Meanwhile, the rest of the teams, dressed as Rinshi, break inside. Takeru is still baffled by Kimberly's plan, but he's amazed by how much it's working. The villains wonder what's going on, until the teams reveal themselves. Souta reveals that he managed to help them find the place by sneaking in.
...didn't they say that they were going to dress all in black for this one? (scratches head)
Anyway...Takeru, Zach, Souta, and Genta transform, and they fight. As for the BFJ team? They manage to access the robot. Easily.
Most anticlimatic event ever.
Hedder's upset, and he tries to call the guards, but guess what? They're still distracted. And just when they are about to get her, she throws a smokescreen, and she cosplays as Sakura. Somehow, she has a gun, don't ask me how in the hell she managed to conceal that. And she shoots them, finishing them off by cosplaying as Mako and slicing them with a sword.
...and she says this.
- Kimberly: "Woah, now that's what I'd call I got that tough since I last disappeared from battle."
...guh...b...
(Rika throws her hands up high and, once again, screams incoherent Angrish)
Tranza: ...
(is thinking) <Good. Soon, she'll fall prey to the master. And I'll be spared from having to read the story with her.>
(then Rika punches the wall, the same one she slammed her head into)
Hey! What the—
Rika: This story is fucking pissing me off! With the anti-logic, the favoritism, and the mindfucky sentences! It physically hurts to read!
Fuck! This! FANFIC!
(she takes very deep breaths, and the rage is quelled...ten minutes later. Her total fury frightens Tranza)
Tranza: <I don't know what's scarier: Radiguet, the fanfic, or the girl herself.>
Rika: So! After Kimberly defeats the mooks, Hedder realizes that, really, they're fucked. Kimberly rejoins the group, morphed and ready to fight. And almost the entire fight feels like a comedy of errors, so I'll summarize each part.
- Souta uses the Wind Knuckle at the foes, just as, as mentioned before, the Battle Fever Robo was released.
- As for some other foot soldiers? Somehow, offscreen, they killed each other. Why? Because this the anti-logic Super Sentai world.
- As the BFJ team defeat the Egos' jet fighters, the bad guys release the Cat Monster. Which, somehow, knocks the team out of their robot again. And this causes Takeru's team to guard it.
- Trakeena and Long are trying to beat the group, but they're easily beaten themselves. Also, a villain ship tease, with Kimberly asking if they're dating, but they deny it. (Rika kinda snickers) Okay, I have to admit, that one was actually pretty funny.
- While the villains get their asses handed over to them, Trakeena and Long retreat. Takeru knows that they'll see them again. But of course!
- The Cat Monster's frikkin' agile, but Shirou moves like an animal to counter the Monster of the Chapter. The BFJ team take it down with the Penta Cannon. Then the Cat Robo shows up, buuuuut...the Battle Victory Robo quickly finishes it off. Okay, that is the most anticlimatic fight ever.
...whew. And we're almost done.
The two teams, demorphed, interact with each other. Zach plans to go back to the jungle one day so he can help preserve his native land of Kenya. Luckily, Shirou's quick to say that he's not a jungle guy, he's a civilian.
I will say this. The fact that Shirou's quick to say that just—just—saved me from having to do another facepalm.
Eventually, the group leaves, and we get a note that states two of the BFJ team's fates. Namely, Kensaku will die, and Diane will be wounded in action. Which is actually true, and both times, those guys are replaced by other members—Makoto Jin replaces Kensaku, and Maria Nagisa replaces Diane. Why? Real Life Writes the Plot; in other words, Yukio Itoh (Kensaku's actor) got married at the time (aw!), and Diane Martin (Diane's actress) wasn't available, and there were other statements about having a poor grasp of Japanese. (Even though another actress, Lisa Komaki, did dub her.)
And we get yet another scene of RINO flipping his shit. Again. I'm sorry, but...is he supposed to only care about himself? Why is he even throwing these bitchfits whenever he loses?
So, as punishments for their failures, Long and Trakeena are forced to clean up the execution yard. Long, you guessed it, plans to take over. And so does story!Tranza after he gets scolded.
(to Tranza) How does it feel, knowing that your story counterpart just sucks?
Tranza: ...
(he twitches one side of his mouth)
Rika: I thought so.
Also, the important things to take from here? Mikoto thinks he shouldn't be in the group, still trying to get his missing memories. I have to admit, this has the potential to be rather interesting. But I'm not holding out hope.
The second important thing? RINO still wants revenge. Yeah...
At the New Skybase, Sakura and Jasmine talk about Cole, and how much he's so nice, and good-looking. No, seriously, they repeat it over and fuckin' over.
I think it's time to once again amend my Drinking Game rules.
- Take a shot every time Cole's mentioned as "nice" or "good-looking."
Jasmine asks Sakura if she's interested in Cole, and she admits it's a "pretty rush question". Yeah, about "rush"...you keep using that word, Akizuki. It does not mean what you think it means. At least say...oh, I don't know, "I admit it's rather sudden", or some shit.
Sakura loves Satoru, but Jasmine knows that he's too passive, and Cole's a better match. Now, her mission's to pair them up.
Groan.
And another groan-worthy moment comes in the form of Cole and Sakura meeting up. The man recognizes her as the girl in his dream. And of course he falls in love with her. That super-quick.
- Take a shot every time Cole falls in love.
- Down the glass if the love interest is someone who you can't think of.
Takeru's team re-arrives, and Jetman!Ryu is happy to see them succeed. They talk about what happened, both in the BFJ world and the present. Takeru warns Cole about the dangers of strutting around in the nude, but he takes it in stride. He then, trying to be Mr. Matchmaker, suggests to Takeru to eat with Mako.
...and Shinken Red himself states he already claimed her. Oh, God.
The chapter ends with Houka trying to see Cole, but, as usual, he has his heart set on Sakura. That's after him seeing visions of a man in red, realizing that his true purpose will be revealed. One that would be oh-so-headdesk-worthy. Finally, as the Rangers get used to this strange world, another Sentai Warrior will help—Gaku Washio.
Thank God that's over, but I have a feeling that...heh.
(in the main area of the base, Radiguet watches the Gokai Galleon sailing towards the intended destination)
Radiguet: Wonderful. The All-Stars won't know what hit them...they will think this mission will be so easy.
(he smiles)
I'll give them one hell of a challenge.
What does Radiguet have up his sleeve? Will the All-Stars rescue Rika in time? And what kinds of stupidity will our intrepid liveblogger face?
Emergency Signal; Now, Forward! To the next liveblogging of Super Sentai vs. Power Rangers!!
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