Europa Barbarorum Liveblog

Arrgh. I hit a patch of writers block after having a glitch screw up a battle. I've also recently started volunteering at a charity shop and I've started to study hypnotherapy in the evenings, so I've just become a hell of a lot more busy.

I've already got about four battles written up along with several turns. If I don't have this section complete by the end of Sunday afternoon I'm posting what I've got up in the evening anyway. Its been almost a month.

EDIT: I must admit I also got distracted by Dragon Age Origins recently, which sucks up even more time. I don't suppose anyone would be interested? I know Korg is already doing a liveblog on it.

edited 28th Jul '10 1:04:03 PM by GameChainsaw

These things (liveblogs that is) take time - just ask my update timetable ^^;. Relax, man. We can wait. Right Forum?

I'd say half the draw of the EB thing is how it gives you an open slate to write on, DAO doesn't really have that freedom. Plus it isn't as exotic a game as EB.

Ok, lets go. Didn't get every objective finished. Frakking unrest.

(Inside the Shophets office.)

"Are they serious?!!!" Mago

"I'm sure your audio detectors heard the same thing I did, Shophet." Hannibal

"Of course they are... We're in the middle of two campaigns, and now it falls to me to find a way to pay for an invasion of southern Gaul... well we're going to need money first... and what is that music in the background?" Mago

"Ah, I guess its the Final Fantasy themed section." Hannibal

"Whats next, moogles?" Mago

KUPO!

"YEAAGH!!!" Mago

268 (Summer)

This Year In History

Asoka comes to the throne in India. Athens formally allies with Sparta as well as maintaining ties with the Ptolemaioi overseas, probably to save themselves from an inevitable thrashing by Macedon, who still, you know, kinda considers them part of their territory. Antigonus of Makedon responds in a truly honourable manner by allying himself with pirates plaguing the greek states. Wow... thats low, even by classical times. The Ptolemaioi admiral occupies and fortifies several southern attican islands. Hieron of Syracuse hops it and is succeeded by Hieron mark II... ha! not happening this time!... what do you mean I'm being petty? Hiero II... allies with Carthage? Wow, there's an alliance you don't see often. Roman colonies at Beneventum and Ariminium established. Sabines are given the vote, Umbrians and Picentes are both given the sword... specifically to the face from a painful angle. Consul Claudius is an ex-senator. By which we mean he's dead.

Recruitment Orders.

Now would be a good time to give a lo-down on the different types of units available so you know what unit does what thing. Well, the ones that are available right now. As new units become available I'll give details on them.

Common Carthaginian Unit Types

Grade 1

Poeni Citizen Militia.

• Attack: 14
• Defence: 18
• Shield: 4
• Charge: 6

Good Morale.

Strong and aggressive for militia, the Carthaginian main body of citizens do not generally fight, with the exception of officers, generals and a few specialist units like the Sacred Band. The bulk of the fighting is generally left to the downtrodden conquered peoples, particularly the Libyans. This is the situation normally.

However, when the walls of Carthage themselves are threatened, Carthaginian citizens are drafted in as militia phalangites. This is the only capacity in which you will get Carthaginian citizens lowering themselves to don equipment and shield and fight in such a way. As such, they are not the best troops, but the desperation and belief that they are fighting for their lives makes them rather more... agressive, than most militia. Their shields also give Libyans something to hide behind when missiles are flying in as they are slightly better.

Grade 2

Libyan Spearband.

• Attack: 15
• Defence: 22
• Missile: 8
• Shield: 3
• Charge: 4

• Good Morale
• Good Stamina

The bread and butter of the Carthaginian army, these are poor men from Carthages oppressed Libyan underclass. Nonetheless they are both more professional and better equipped than citizen levies, and can hold their own against the vast majority of foes. Mago has invested heavily in their recruitment of late. To be truly effective they need cavalry or heavy infantry support, as assault infantry will give them trouble, particularly the Romans, who have their preference for heavily armoured swordsmen and also have javelins.

Traditionally Libyans are seen as poor troops, and the more recently annexed Iberians are seen as superior infantry compared to these drafted labourers and peasants. This does them a sore injustice.

Grade 3

Liby-Phoenician Infantry.

• Attack: 16
• Defence: 25
• Shield: 4
• Charge: 8

• Good Morale
• Powerful Charge
• Good Stamina

The result of unions between the Libyan natives and Carthaginian colonialists, the Liby-Phoenicians seem to be the result of a massive guilt complex on the account of the philandering fathers... or genuinely loved sons who are prevented from gaining full rights due to the prejudices ingrained in Carthaginian society. These men are the well equipped and trained backbone of the Carthaginian army, and also provide a vital societal link between the priveliged Carthaginians and the downtrodden Libyans. Armed to the teeth and knowing they are the pride of the Carthaginian army they are aggressive frontline infantry who give the ill-equipped Libyans and soft Carthaginians someone to hide behind.

Cavalry.

Liby-Phoenician Cavalry.

• Attack: 6
• Defence: 25
• Shield: 4
• Charge: 32

• Effective Versus Armour
• Excellent Morale
• Powerful Charge
• Good Stamina
• Fast Moving

The jewel of the Carthaginian army is its cavalry, and these literal bastards are its crowning glory. These aren't meant just to be infantry killers charged in at the right time, they're meant to crush other, lighter cavalry, and are equipped for melee to fulfill that duty. Faster and lighter than most other nations heavy cavalry, they can do any duty on the battlefield, be it soften an enemy line with charge cycles, drive off missile infantry, shield the flanks... and finally, their most popular and beloved function, demolishing enemy lines with well timed charges. Commanders love these soldiers like their children... and there's a strong possibility some of them are.

Carthaginian Citizen Cavalry.

• Attack: 5
• Defence: 21
• Charge: 34
• No Shield.

• Effective Versus Armour
• Excellent Morale
• Powerful Charge
• Very Good Stamina
• Fast Moving

On the surface, Carthaginian Citizen Cavalry look inferior to their Liby-Phoenician counterparts. Don't be fooled, they merely perform a different function. The citizens wear only linen armour and carry only a lance, but this means their horses take longer to tire, and they can pick up greater speed on the charge, leading to a more deadly impact. They can charge more ferociously, and for longer, than the Liby-Phoenicians, and if the Liby-Phoenicians are the all-purpose cavalry killers, these guys have only one purpose: get behind the enemy line and wreak havoc.

This naturally leads to considerable snarking from enemies and subject nations alike that the Carthaginians can only kill something when they're coming from an unexpected direction.

... and ah, crap. I've forgotten the Iberian units. Get those next time. Anyway...

5th Iberian Light Spearband in Mastia to help Hasdrubal get moving onto Arse.

"Great, the senate has given me a load of other places to take as well... at least by the end of this I'll either have a rich empire, or be quickly leaving a bankrupt one I don't have to worry about any more..." Mago

Construction Orders.

Pacification of Syracuse complete.

"Sure, if you call rampant unrest and martial law pacification. I'm not sure whether this city was more troublesome for us before or after we conquered it." Hamalcar

Simple Drainage started in Mastia.

Diplomatic Information

Greece and Pontos somehow manage to end up at war with each other. You know that takes some doing at this stage of the game. Pontos also goes to war with Baktria despite the two being on the other sides of the map from each other. Yes, I'm confused, seeing as the two would have found it hard to find each other on a map. Seleukids and Epirotes make peace. (The first thing in this diplomatic round that has made any kind of strategic sense.)

Hamalcar resupplied but can't leave for unrest. Hasdrubal encounters the same problem in Baikor.

"You know, I can't help but think the locals don't like Carthage much." Hamalcar

"That probably has something to do with us coming in, killing a ton of their people, starving them for up to two years and then occupying the place with soldiers." Hasdrubal

Colony in Syracuse started to install some kind of proper government in the region.

"Maybe once we get some Carthaginians, Libyans and Liby-Phoenicians living here the Greeks might realise we intend to stay." Hamalcar

Or break into the colony and kill everyone there. Always an option.

Mines in Karali started. Simple Farming in Lepki, Alalia and Bocchoris. Shrine to Baal-Melqart in Messana

"Getting a head start on those economic objectives?" Bomilkar

"Those come first. We need the money to pay for things before anything else. I've got a full army to pay for while supporting several smaller wars. The economy is about to get a lot bigger..." Mago

End Of Turn...

edited 1st Aug '10 3:09:30 PM by GameChainsaw

AD 268 (Autumn)

Rationing in Hanno's army as it besieges Garama. Hasdrubal stuck in city as mines construct.

"We'll leave soon, we'll leave soon, we'll leave soon, we'll leave soon..." Hasdrubal

"Great, the generals gone crazy" Iqbal

"Nah, he's just stir-crazy. I'm sure he'll snap out of it with a bit of maintainence" Thyria, a priestess of Astarte, one who emphasises the war element and is ever so slightly Ax-Crazy

"Did... did you just hit him with a mallot?" Iqbal

"Well, it got him to stop repeating things to himself. I'm sure he'll wake up soon." Thyria

Sewers started in Ippone, Adrumeto, Lilibeo and Gader.

"Are you going for the Shophet of the decade award or something?" Senator

"No, I'm just sick of citizens writing in about the smell. Get rid of it!" Mago

End of Turn...

AD 268 (Winter)

Shrine Completed in Messana.

"Er... shrine to who?" Gisgo

"Damn it Hannibal, did you forget to record that again?" Mago

Er... yeah, sorta.

Wedding occurs as Gisgo marries Aglaurus.

'Oh happiness, oh bliss!' Gisgo and Aglaurus

Unrest in Syracuse and Baikor frustrating commanders.

"When is Hasdrubal going to stop eating his shoe?" Iqbal

"I'm sure he'll stop before he bites through his foot." Thyria

(Horrifying scream)

"Nope, guess not."

Phoenician Colony being established in Messana as Hasdrubal manages to crawl out of Arse.

"See sir, that wasn't so bad." Iqbal

"I never want to have to govern a city that unrestful again... so where are we going to govern... WHAAAAT??!!!" Hasdrubal

"I promise I won't make fun of you sir. Not to your face at any rate, that could get me in trouble." Iqbal

Healer in Atiqa

"Who needs medical doctors when a few well selected herbs will create the appearance of good medical coverage!" Mago

edited 2nd Aug '10 3:04:06 PM by GameChainsaw

(Meanwhile, on the outskirts of Garama, a messenger rushes up to Hanno's tent, barely stopping to address the guards.)

"Sir, the enemy are sallying!" Messenger

"I see... get the men formed up. Fast." Hanno

The Battle Of Garama

Men hurry and form up into their ranks, lining up from left to right, four ranks deep, as quickly as can be managed. Nervous Carthaginians look to each other for support as Hanno watches over them.

"These aren't soldiers, they're civilians given a spear and some training. We're not ready for this... this campaign was a mistake!" Hanno

"Cheer up Hanno, we'll think of something." Tabnit, Fellow Senator And Loyal Friend

Objectives: Defeat the Garamante!

Parameters: Hanno and 60% of his army must survive the battle!

• Carthaginian Forces: 256 men.
• Garamante Forces: 284 men.
• Ratio of Difficulty: 6:5
• GC's Verdict: Tough!

Hanno's Militia Army (1 Command, -2 morale.)

• Hanno's Guards: 16 men, 1 EXP
• 1st Poeni Militia, 1 EXP
• 2nd Poeni Militia, 1 EXP
• 3rd Poeni Militia, 1 EXP
• 4th Poeni Militia, 1 EXP
• 5th Poeni Militia, 1 EXP
• 13th Poeni Militia, 1 EXP

Zeuxis' Defenders (6 Command, -4 Morale)

• Zeuxis' Numidian Cavalry Guard: 31 men, 3 EXP
• 1st Garamantine Infantry: 46 men, 3 EXP
• 2nd Garamantine Infantry: 46 men, 2 EXP
• 3rd Garamantine Infantry: 46 men, 1 EXP
• 4th Garamantine Infantry: 46 men.
• 2nd Numidian Cavalry: 23 men, 1 EXP
• Numidian Skirmirshers: 46 men, 1 EXP

End of Pre-battle Analysis.

EDIT: Guys I'll get the battle up tomorrow. I'm getting tired, its past midnight.

edited 1st Aug '10 4:25:55 PM by GameChainsaw

Update on Let's Play supplement.

Well I've got all the equipment I need to record it. Mic, check. Thanks to Xthe Tenths equipment recommendations, recording equipment, check. Youtube Account? Check. :D

I'll get up a test video soon. It'll probably be either a custom battle or a historical battle to start off with.

EDIT: And I apologise for the music link... here's a better one.

Further EDIT: (sigh)

Ok, once I figure out how to get the video to record while I've got the game open we'll be making progress.

edited 2nd Aug '10 2:59:20 PM by GameChainsaw

The Battle.

Phase 1: Garamantine Charge

Frantic activity occurs in both sides lines as militiamen scramble to get into some kind of formation to prepare for the coming onslaught of vicious Garamantine infantry. Hanno watches on nervously. He knows that this is something of a test case.

Mago has been moving for Carthaginian citizens to be more prepared to fight beside the Libyans and Liby-Phoenicians in battle outside of emergencies. The purpose of this battle is supposed to be to prove that the Carthaginians are just as capable of raising a working army as the peoples they have subjugated. Hannos responsibility, he knows, is a double one. He must not only defeat a painful thorn in Carthages side, he must prove his fathers new policy of centralising the army around Carthage is a wise one.

"I won't let you down father..." Hanno

The Garamantine infantry emerge from the city and spread out, the Garamantines wasting no time in charging out at the Carthaginian lines. Hanno arranges his men in the defensive Reverse Crescent formation, designed to surprise flankers and normally reserved for field battles. Despite some initial disorganisation, the militia fall into line, with the 1st and 5th held back in reserve on the right and left flanks respectively. Hanno falls into the central rear, ready to react in a heartbeat to any opportunity that opens.

"Stand your ground, and hold that line at all costs! We'll beat off the enemy cavalry attack, take the momentum out of that charge and break them when they're at their weakest!" Hanno

The Garamantines charge in a seemingly disorganised manner at the Carthaginian defenders, but it is an organised chaos that tricks Hanno into believing that it is just a wild charge.

"They're attacking with their skirmirshers first? What are they planning?" Hanno

"Wait... Hanno, they're attacking our reserves! They know we won't win a grinding match so they're tying us up!" Tabnit

He's right. The skirmirshers look as if they are going to attack the 3rd, which is on the left flank with the 5th. But instead they jink round the flank, forcing the 5th into action to protect the 3rds left side.

"They're on our flanks!" 3rd Sargeant

"On it! CHARGE!!!" 5th Sargeant

"That leaves just the 1st and ourselves in reserve Hanno!" Tabnit

"JAVELINS!!!" 4th Sargeant

"Damn it, brace for a charge!" Hanno

The resilience of the Carthaginian shields compared to their Libyan and Liby-Phoenician counterparts does its job as the worst of the javelins is absorbed, but a few still fall as 2nd Garamantine delivers a harrowing charge straight into the face of the 4th.

"RRAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGH!!!" Garamantines

"BRACE FOR IMPAAACT!!" 4th Sargeant

The warriors slam into the Carthaginian light phalanx but the 4th hold up well, starting to hack back into the attacking Garamantines.

"Hold the line! Hold it... NOW DRIVE THEM BACK!" 4th Sargeant

(The phalanx, having dispelled the impact of the Garamantine charge, now brings up its spears in a devastating attack from below and above, stabbing at the Garamantine faces and chests. Soon men are falling gravely wounded on both sides as indisciplined but skilled warriors battle well-drilled but unprepared militiamen.)

Next into the battle is the veteran 1st Garamantine, who hit a very eager 2nd, who counter-charge against the warriors, piling in against them almost with glee.

"CHAA-" Garamantine Infantry Captain

"KILL THEM AAAAALL!!!" 2nd Sargeant

"DIIIIIIEEE!!!" 2nd

"The 2nd are getting into it." Tabnit

"Come on men, are you man or militia?" Hanno

(Meanwhile, hundreds of miles to the north...)

"Come on Hanno..." Mago

"Gods... my son is in that melee! He's the 4ths Sargeant!" Senator

Back on the battlefield, the 4th Garamantine, the rookie warriors of the tribe, only slightly more established (or wealthy) than the skirmirshers, charge in against the 3rd as Zeuxis finally assaults the 2nds flank, forcing the 1st into action.

"For our freedom men! DEATH OR GLORY!!!" Zeuxis

"They're on our flanks! Gods... the enemy general?!" 2nd Sargeant

"Forward." 1st Sargeant

3rd Garamantine now surges forward, tying up the remaining Carthaginians fighting and causing 3rd Militia, the least talented of the six militia units, to struggle to fight back.

"We... we can't hold them!" 3rd Sargeant

"You'd better bloody hold them, we're doing fine!" 4th Sargeant

"This is it... the following moments will decide the battle... Move to the flanks and engage!" Hanno

Phase 2: The Plan Hits A Snag

The bodyguard maneuvers round to the flanks of the skirmirshers and hits them, causing the skirmirshers to waver.

"One more charge like that and we'll have won!" Hanno

"Sir! Numidian light cavalry charging at us!" Bodyguard

"Grr... they won't last long. We'll shove them to one side and finish the infantry off!" Hanno

"The infantry don't have that kind of time! We need to push through and hit the Garamantines right now!" Tabnit

"We can't avoid light cavalry!" Hanno

"Damn it son, yes you can if you use that blasted brain of yours and move quickly! You're about to lose the battle!" Mago

As the bodyguards struggle with the Numidian cavalry, who manage to hold them off for three times as long as would be expected of soldiers of their type, the militia begin to give way and buckle under the weight of the more numerous Garamantine infantry. The exception to this is the 5th, who manage to pull back from the main line and hit the skirmirshers in the back.

"Kill them all!!!" Skirmirsher Sargeant

"The... the militia can't keep fighting like this!" 4th Sargeant

(The 5th smashes into the skirmirshers seemingly from nowhere, momentarily panicking them)

"Here come the cavalry... speaking of which where the hell are the cavalry?" 5th Sargeant

Zeuxis, meanwhile, routs, his reckless charge spent as his bodyguard lies dead around him. The 1st just fails to finish him off.

"Damn it! Come back!" 1st Sargeant

"Curses, that could have won the day!" Mago

But it doesn't...

"RETREAT!!! The cavalry aren't coming, run!" 13th Sargeant

"NO! WAIT!" Hanno

Phase 3: Disaster.

The 13ths breaking causes a wave of panic to spread through the Carthaginian line, and soon the Carthaginian line has entirely unravelled from the centre outwards. The senators groan, but the reactions from some are those of despair and grief as those with poorer relatives who were around for the draft fall and die as the Garamantine warriors cut down the exhausted militia. Mago looks on in helpless panic.

"No, no no no we CANT LOSE THIS!" Mago

"Yet we have... damn you Mago..." Kanmi

Hanno is powerless to intervene as his line dissolves, still held in place by the utterly implacable 2nd Numidian.

"GET. OUT OF. MY. WAY!!!" Hanno

"Never!" 2nd Numidian Sargeant

Despite eventually breaking the stubborn cavalry, Hanno is too late. In a stunning reversal of their implacable successes in Sicily and Spain, the Carthaginians are driven from the field.

(Filled with quiet rage) "Hanno... this is..." Mago

"You sent him on this fools errand! Your own flesh and blood!" Kanmi

Phase 4 Last Stand

But the Carthaginians aren't done yet. Despite knowing that the battle is lost, and that they will be killed to a man, the sargeants of the 1st and 4th turn and reform, knowing that otherwise the entire army will be cut to pieces by the pursuing Garamantine warriors.

"Hold firm men! We make our last stand here, for good or ill! For Carthage!" 4th Sargeant

"You heard him... we fight and die here..." 1st Sargeant

"Son... for the Gods sake get out of there while you can!" Senator

The rallying Carthaginians catch the 1st and 2nd Garamantine off guard as they pursue after them, believing the battle won. Hanno finally arrives, and with one thunderous charge, drives off the veteran 1st!

"TAKE FROM THEM EVERYTHING AND LEAVE THEM NOTHING!" Hanno

"We can't hold them! Retreat!" Garamantine Captain

"Gods... he's beaten their best infantry!" Mago

Despite overwhelming odds and a shrinking bodyguard Mago and the two militiamen hold off the inevitable for a full two minutes as the rest of the army escapes. The inevitable happens however, as the rest of the Carthaginian army dissolves. The sargeants of the 1st and 4th are both cut down, the men responsible for saving the rest of the army by rallying those few capable of stemming the relentless Garamantine tide, sticking to the plan of the battle relentlessly and in the face of all odds. But Hanno is forced to face the reality of the situation. He has not just lost a battle. He has discredited a major focal point of his own fathers policy, and humiliated the whole of Carthage in front of the eyes of the Libyans and Iberians whose dismissal of Carthaginian martial prowess will now seem all but confirmed.

"Gods... what have I done?" Hanno

"MY SON! Mago, what have you done to my son? I demand justice! I DEMAND AN ANSWER FOR THIS CATASTROPHE!" Senator

"Mago, return to Adrumeto with your army... or what remains of it. And then, you are to return to Carthage, surrender your guard, and come to the Senate, where you will be held to account for this travesty!" Mago

"Father!" Hanno

"Mago... he's your own son!" Kanmi

"He's a defeated general. You know what we do with defeated generals, Kanmi. Would you have said the same if it had been some other mans son? A Libyan or Iberian son? Hanno will face the same judgement as anyone else..." Mago

To add insult to injury, most of the Garamantine warriors recover from their injuries. 180 defenders remain in what will go down in history as a humiliation for Carthages empire as a handful of badly trained Garamantine warriors beat off superior Carthaginian forces in the debacle of the century. The fact that the army sent was made up entirely of Carthaginian born citizens only deepens the humiliation, and the Libyans, Iberians and Greeks who had dismissed the Carthaginians as soft-bodied cowardly despots seem to have had their contempt justified as the son of the Shophet himself is driven from the field.

edited 3rd Aug '10 12:08:27 PM by GameChainsaw

Aftermath...

Clear Defeat...

• Carthaginians Lost: 216 men. (85%)
• Garamantines Lost: 104 men.
• Carthaginians Remaining: 40/256 men.
• Garamantines Remaining: 180/284 men.

Breakdown.

Hanno's Bodyguard.

• 31 kills.
• 13 lost, 3/16 men remain
• 3/4ths strength lost!

1st Poeni Militia.

• 30 kills
• 33 lost, 7/40 men remain
• 3/4ths strength lost!

2nd Poeni Militia.

• 30 kills
• 32 lost, 8/40 men remain
• 3/4ths strength lost!

3rd Poeni Militia

• 11 kills
• 36 lost, 4/40 men remain
• All But Annihilated!!

4th Poeni Militia

• 32 kills
• 33 lost, 7/40 men remain
• 3/4ths strength lost!

5th Poeni Militia

• 26 kills
• 36 lost, 4/40 men remain
• All But Annihilated!

13th Poeni Militia

• 29 kills
• 33 lost, 7/40 men remain.
• 3/4ths strength lost!

Awards.

• To The Last Gasp!: 1st and 4th Poeni Militia
• Bloodthirsty: 2nd Poeni Militia

edited 3rd Aug '10 11:46:27 AM by GameChainsaw

GC's Tacticians Notes

Well... not that they're worth much seeing as this was, you know, my first recorded defeat, but I guess my thoughts on the catastrophe might be welcome.

Essentially, Garama is a battle that should never have happened. I used my typical strategy of not leaving any of my troops idle, and this time I misjudged it. I thought I would be facing a cavalry-heavy army at Garama that the militias spears would have made short work of, a battle similar to the one outside Ippone, not an infantry heavy one where I had to hold a line.

Lets analyze exactly what happened.

The first thing that went badly wrong was the neutralisation of my reserve. This was critical: the loss of that flexibility in my battle line let the Garamantines, who had superior stamina, wear down the flank-happy Carthaginians in a grinding match when my primary strategy was a mobile battle where I put the enemy at a disadvantage and killed them. While I did manage this later on, by that time it was too late.

I could still have won if I'd managed to move my reserve strategy into place of defeating the enemy via a devastating cavalry charge, but this was foiled by two things.

• 1: The surprising ineffectiveness of Hanno's charge.
• 2: The perfidious stubbornness of the Numidian cavalry.

This caused my cavalry to be held up for so long that things went pear-shaped in my line before the Numidians could be driven off. To be fair to me I wasn't expecting cavalry that in Vanilla Rome Total War would have been slaughtered in seconds to hold my heavy cavalry off for a full minute, but by that point, there was nothing I could do but watch my infantry run for their lives. At that point not even the last minute rally could save me from defeat. Proof that no, I don't always get it right...

edited 3rd Aug '10 11:56:54 AM by GameChainsaw

Awww...

To give you credit, the battle plan was a good one, and your expectations were reasonable. It is obvious what went wrong.

Unlucky, dude. I'll have to redouble my efforts in my campaign to inspire you XD.

267 BC (Spring)

"The meeting is adjourned. We meet tomorrow to discuss the continuation of this campaign. Where we go from here." Mago

(Mago turns to leave, to a wave of protests from Senators.)

"The continuation... Mago this campaign ends here!" Senator

(Cries of agreement from the senate house. A few are even calling for Magos resignation, although these voices are few. For all that has happened, Mago still carries great respect for being the Shophet behind the successes in Spain and Sicily. But the mood of the Senate for another invasion of Garama is clear. Mago turns round to face them.)

"I beg your pardon?" Mago

(Mago, having been about to leave the podium, comes back.)

"So... a battle has been lost due to OUR citizens shortcomings, in a campaign explicitly meant to prove that our people are just as capable of defending the empire and its inhabitants homes as the Libyans, Greeks and Iberians, in our own backyard, and... you propose we abandon this after one defeat? Do you want us to be held in utter contempt?!" Mago

(A few protests, but mostly silence.)

"Tell me people, is this our third defeat in a row? Are the Garamantines at the gates of Lepki? Adrumeto perhaps?! Has our army been shattered utterly, never to return to the field again except for the ignoble execution? Are our diplomats rushing out as we speak to beg for peace? NO!"

"So lets look at the actual situation before we blindly panic! We have suffered a close defeat in one battle. Our enemies infantry were almost spent by the ordeal of trying to do so, and half of their cavalry were wiped out! They have no means of threatening our territories, and no means of replenishing their losses before we can get our army in the field again. Our army, meanwhile, can be retrained to a full 2/3rds of their former strength within a season upon their return to Adrumeto! And we have troops idle in Syracuse to reinforce them with and bring them back to full strength once more within the same timeframe. And it will not be green, untested troops led by an inexperienced, untried and, if I will remind you, unsanctioned commander under a system of war only designed for the defence of a town this time. We will have veterans under our banners this time, Libyan and Liby-Phoenician soldiers, only this time they will be fighting side by side with our own noble citizens, not forced to fight for men hundreds of miles behind the lines!... and they will have a veteran commander to lead them..." Mago

"A veteran commander you say? There is only one man who could fulfil that role... and it is an impossibility! Hamalcar will never agree to lead an army into Africa, least of all a militia army. He's a Barcid, firmly in the camp of expanding beyond our shores and using the Iberians and Greeks of the provinces to do so." Kanmi

"Hamalcar is my brother. I will talk to him. He will fight in Africa if I ask it of him. Especially if it gives him a chance to succeed where my own son has failed..." Mago

"You think he will fight in Africa for his family after such an admirable show of loyalty to your son after his downfall? You sound ready to send him to his death for his failings, why should your brother expect any loyalty from you in return for promoting a policy he doesn't think is right?" Senator

"I assure you, Hamalcar will jump at this opportunity just to prove himself worthier than me. It will give him great pleasure to succeed where my own son failed so dismally..." Mago

"And you would be willing to give him this opportunity to humiliate your son in such a fashion?! What gives you the right to ask such a thing?!" Kanmi

"Hanno had his chance when he seized control of an army against his own fathers orders. Now its up to the older generation to succeed where the younger has not. And considering that I am willing to bring my own son to a trial that may kill him, do you think I will shy away from embarrassing him?" Mago

"Are we to supply more of our own sons to fight on this fools errand?" Senator

"In Carthages history, we have asked such things of the Libyans and Liby-Phoenicians... I will not humiliate and shame our people by refusing to shoulder the burden. The four remaining units of militia that have survived the battle in any kind of semblance of order will be retrained and given a chance to redeem themselves." (Darkly) "If they do not... well then, perhaps those who call us Carthaginians cowards can say it with some justification..." Mago

(On that note, the Senate closes.)

(Two days later, Hamalcar opens a message from Mago)

To the victorious commander of Syracuse.

Defeat near Garama. Hanno responsible. Four units to be retrained in Adrumeto upon armies return to the city. Requesting your presence there to lead the new army out to Garama once more and redeem our citizens honour. Council has faith in your leadership.

Please, brother. I know we have not always agreed in the past, but Carthage needs this victory. I would also request that you bring two units of soldiers of your choosing, your best ones. I would recommend 1st Liby-Phoenician and 1st Iberian Spearband for the task at hand.

"What he wants and what he'll get may prove to be two different things. Garama is in Africa... does he mean to insult me with this?! Well then, I'll just have to show him!" Hamalcar

The Turn

Some of the gloom hanging over the Barca family dispels a little as Philosir Tartessus, a rather gloomy young man himself, is adopted into the family. A puno-hellene, he is taken in by Hamalcar and given responsibility for Syracuse in his adopted fathers absence.

"I need to start making preparations to leave for Africa. Immediately. Now I may not be back for many years. Decades, even, if Mago keeps me there. We may not meet again. During that time, if anything happens here, you will be responsible for dealing with it. Understood?" Hamalcar

"Yes, father." Philosir

Hanno manages to get his army back over the border in record time, the energetic commander making the three-seasonal journey to Syrthim in less than a month. The four remaining militia units begin their long march back to Adrumeto.

"..." Hanno

"Cheer up, maybe Mago will have changed his mind by the time we arrive in Carthage!" Tabnit

"Come on Tabnit, you know as well as I do that my father will be harder on me than anyone else. And even if he did decide to change the habit of a lifetime... how can he back down in front of the entire senate in order to do so?" Hanno

The new colony has been established at Syracuse.

"Now lets see if they can avoid murdering each other for any length of time..." Hamalcar

As per his instructions, Hamalcar orders the construction of the new mercantile port there. Mago blows off steam by taking a brief vacation near Adrumeto and continuing to expand the military facilities of Carthage, spending a fortune on improvements to the armouries and adding a catapult range to the central military citidel.

"9,000 mnai! Are you serious Mago?!" Kanmi

"If that is all we spend on our military facilities during my spell as Shopet, Kanmi, then it will have been a very cheap period." Mago

Hasdrubal continues continues to march for Arse.

(gloomily) "Lets make sure we win this or maybe I'll be next to feel my brothers wrath... hey, wait a second... I'm on to you Hannibal..." Hasdrubal

End of Turn

267 BC (Summer)

THIS YEAR IN HISTORY!!!

Antigonus continues to harass Attica as Patroklus, the Ptolemaioi commander, establishes a garrison on Thera and leaves a certain Apollodotos its commander. He is told to ward off pirate attacks, which as any Total War player will know, is not as easy as it sounds. Romans continue to strive for the prize of "Worst Neighbours Ever" as they defeat Sallentini and seize Brundisium. They express "disapproval" at the presence of Carthaginian ships at Taras. Questors doubled from four to eight each year, once again proving you can never have too many accountants.

The Turn.

Philosir befriends famous poet Theokritus Syrakousios, who manages to cheer up the moody governor a bit. The Romans sign an alliance with Macedon.

"I almost feel sorry for Epirus." Mago

Army on Syracuse reoutfitted with better arms and armour from the smith there.

"You know, having all this before we left Carthage would have really helped!" Hamalcar

Farms in Lepki, Bocchoris and Alalia complete, Coastal Clearing begins in those provinces.

"Why is Mago grinning inanely at the wall?" Verros, Mago's biographer.

"Oh, it happens sometimes. He's in money heaven." Himilco, Mago's closest ally in the senate and friend since childhood.

Hasdrubal envelops Arse, but it will take 8 seasons to penetrate it. Brief discussion on whether or not to pound Arse with siege equipment is dismissed as being impractical.

"Hannibal, I'm going to strangle you with your own cables in a second!" Hasdrubal

Mago begins to train the army that will face the Arverni.

"We're still going ahead with this after Garama?" Bomilkar

"Yes, and guess who's leading it?" Mago

"What?! Aww, monkey nuts." Bomilkar

End Turn

267 BC (Autumn)

Hamalcar leaves for Africa with 1st Libyan and 1st Liby-Phoenician.

"Look after the place, Philosir, I'm counting on you!" Hamalcar

"You can count on me Hamalcar, nothing will go wrong!" Philosir

(Sound of a building in the new port collapsing.)

"Er... nothing serious will go wrong!" Philosir

(Reports of a spontaneous riot come streaming in)

"Er... the city will definitely still be standing when you..." Philosir

(In the distance, smoke can be seen rising from the blacksmith in greater quantities than usual...)

"I'm... I'm certain you have everything in hand son." Hamalcar

"OH COME ON!!!" Philosir

2nd Liby-Phoenician, 1st Mounted Liby-Phoenician and 6th and 7th Libyan trained and gathered in Carthage.

"In four turns, we'll have an army. And you're not slipping out of it this time Bomilkar!" Mago

"I only tried to escape four times!" Bomilkar

Romans also ally with the Getae.

"That'll be to keep the Macedonians honest..." Mago

The Getae themselves make peace with Macedon.

"Wow, are the Romans being... nice?" Mago

That certainly goes against their predicted path before they got the shiny new trinkets.

"I'm sure they wouldn't have been much of a problem if they hadn't recieved the gift of the Gods..." Mago

Uhh... oh boy... just don't read the year in history from 149 to 146BC, ok?!

(If anyone was in any doubt that was when the 3rd Punic war was fought and Carthage utterly crushed.)

Sewers completed in Gaders, Ippone, Lilibeo and Adrumeto.

"Well, the complaints about the smell have dried up." Hasdrubal

"Yeah, but now the adventurers are all complaining about all the sewer-themed dungeons they keep running into!" Mago

End Of Turn.

267 (Winter)

Hannos disgraced army enters Adrumeto to jeers. Libyans and Carthaginians alike throw refuse, insults and even rocks at the incoming men as Adherbal, the governor, struggles to keep order.

(Having been hit in the face with an olive) "Great to see that the Carthaginians and Libyans have come to an agreement about something here." Hanno

Hanno leaves his army at the barracks to be retrained ready for Hamalcars arrival and leaves for the senate and his fateful meeting with his father...

Meanwhile, mines are completed in Baikor.

"Whats wrong with the Shophet? We found him passed out on the floor!" Iago, Mago's Greek armourer

"Money shock. It happens sometimes. He'll be up and about soon, but may be a bit light-headed for a while." Roxanne

Healer in Atiqa

"Supporting general quackery herbal medicines since 272BC!" Sign On Door

Coastal clearing completed in Alalia, Lepki and Bocchoris.

Mago becomes "Extravagant" and goes on a spending spree.

"Mago, the barracks does not need to be painted shocking pink!" Bomilkar

"I thought it went with the general performance of the soldiers within it." Mago

"Do the roads really need to be surfaced with polished silver on the sides? The distraction has caused three collisions so far!" Roxanne

"While I may not agree with your spending policies, Mago, I am willing to admit that you can at least see where you spent it. Was that 60 foot gold statue of Baal with the priest shouting "WORSHIP ME!" out of a megaphone in its mouth really necessary?" Kanmi

"You can never have enough giant gold talking statues of Gods in your city. We're working on one for Astarte, though Aphrodite was turned down by the censors. Something about a forty-foot ivory statue of a naked lady being bad for Carthages reputation..." Mago

Mago gains popularity for his overspending amongst the populace, gaining +2 influence, but loses two management due to perfectly necessary spending.

Mastia grows. Governors villa started.

"Bigger town, bigger government building needed." Mago

Baktria and the Saka make peace.

"And this news affects us how?" Mago

3rd Liby-Phoenician, 2nd mounted Liby-Phoenician and 8th and 9th Libyan are trained.

266 BC: (Spring)

Hamalcar leaves with four units of retrained militia and his elite battle hardened soldiers. He boards a ship near Adrumeto and heads straight for Syrthims coastline.

"How do we fit over three hundred men in a tiny scouting ship?" Hamalcar

4th Liby-Phoenician, 3rd Mounted Liby-Phoenician and 10th and 11th Libyan trained. Taxes go up as expenses incurred from Garama start to hold up training.

Hanno arrives in Carthage.

(As Hanno arrives, he is promptly approached by guards.)

"Sir, I'll have to ask you to relieve your guards and come with me." Guard

"Good luck Hanno." Tabnit

(As Hanno climbs the stone steps towards the Magistrates Chambers, a number of senators pass him, or he them. Many shoot venomous looks, but a few offer encouraging, if nervous smiles. As he enters the senate house, where Mago is preparing to deal with him immediately, father and son come face to face for the first time in years.)

"..." Mago

"..." Hanno

"So, you've returned." Mago

"Yes, Shopet." Hanno

"... As Shophet, I would normally judge your case myself right here on the senate floor. If it was up to me, you would be sent off this instant on a dangerous task that benefitted our people somehow that would give you a chance to redeem yourself. You'd probably be sent off with your remaining units to Britain, or perhaps over to the war between our allies and the Seleucids." Mago

"Thats practically a death sentence!" Senator

"SILENCE! It is a great deal kinder... and more practical, than what has happened to failed commanders of the past. This gives a beacon of hope at least. However... it is not up to me alone. The senators mourn two sons, and many of them mourn family members as well... lost because their commander could not defend them while carrying out his duties. Therefore, you are to remain under house arrest while carrying out governmental duties in Atiqa until the next meeting of the senate. Perhaps a kinder fate will await you there. Now, rejoin you bodyguard and head for Atiqa at once, before I find something lovelier for you to do!" Mago

"Wait a second Shophet. The senate is not due to meet until after the war in Gaul is completed or at least underway. Hanno will have lived out the best part of his life by then! We must serve justice now!" Senator

(Suppressing a wry smile) "While I was the one who suggested the motion, I believe you will remember that I also opposed it myself, wanting to move towards an instant penal mission. It was the strength of feeling in our own senate that elected to have him tried as the focal point of the next policy meeting... as Shophet, I am merely carrying out our governments wishes... Senate adjourned. Hanno, you are dismissed." Mago

"Y-yes father." Hanno

(Later)

"So your father managed to arrange things so it looked like he was being as hard as he could possibly manage on you? Yet he was really giving you ten years grace?" Tabnit

"Yep. He managed to manipulate the entire senate into granting me a reprieve themselves. They've no one but themselves to blame. He's managed to look impartial and intolerant of failure, advancing his political goals, while at the same time giving me a chance to prove myself as governor of Atiqa. He gains credit in the senate, the good governor in Atiqa that he needed and he doesn't have to send his son off into certain death until ten years in the future. True politician, dad is." Hanno

End Of Turn

266 BC (Summer)

Hamilcar arrives in Syrthim with his army.

"By the Gods, its hot down here..." Hamilcar

"You should try running for your life in it." 1st Militia Sargeant, promoted from corporal after his superiors demise.

The Aedui relief army is almost complete.

"Thank the Gods for that! I thought we were going to go bankrupt for a second there!" Mago

Messana has its colony, and Karali its mines.

"Perfect timing!" Mago

(I timed my army training around Karalis mines. The income from the mine doesn't totally make up for the new expenses, but the income from Garama and Arse certainly will when combined with that.)

(Armies are freaking expensive in this game! Particularly elite units.)

Messana starts coastal clearing. Emergency taxes dropped to alleviate strains on the population. If Carthage has a weakness as a faction, its that its base population growth is really poor. Especially on the islands. That said, when used right it has one of the best armies in the game, especially looking at some of the Spanish units.

4th Mounted Liby-Phoenicians, 5th Liby-Phoenicians and 12th and 13th Libyans trained.

THIS YEAR IN HISTO-

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE!!!" Mago

(Mago smashes camera.)

You know I've got another 79 like that. Also, you might want to avoid smashing gifts from the heavens, they're kind of irreplaceable.

"There's nothing heavenly about you you little bastard!" Mago

How offensive to the Liby-Phoenicians. And here I thought you were a tolerant person.

Macedonians trounce Spartans at Isthmos, proving once again that you need more than Training from Hell, throwing sickly babies off of cliffs, murder as right of passage, institutionalised rape and pedophilia and lots and lots of Ho Yay to build an army with. You know, you also need some kind of common sense and ability to appreciate that horses, javelins and other nasty stuff that allows you to get an advantage over the enemy Super Soldiers helps somewhat. The more sensible Athenians learn this and manage to fend Antigonus off. Stromaichos gets citizenship in Athens for saving the city. Antigonus' Galatian mercenaries mutiny and he has to put them down. Well, the whole of Macedonia losing to Athens is kind of embarrassing.

(Was I too hard on the Spartans?... nah, I think that about sums them up really. There's some really nasty stuff in the history of Sparta. The worst part is, by that time all those extreme measures weren't even that effective anyway when it came to war.)

Romans now step into the fray and spread their own form of love and peace over Magna Graecia. By which I mean they kick the living shit out of it. Several celebrations and triumphs later, they have not just trounced the Greeks but the Sassinates (Not the Sassanids!) as well. Of course, they go through all that only to get hit by a plague. You can't win sometimes, can you?

End Of Turn

266 BC (Autumn)

Growing pains in Carthaginian empire.

"Syracuse is in unrest, and now it needs a magistrates court! You know how much those things cost? We've got one here in Carthage and it took us years to build!"

"And of course now I can't afford it, because I've just spent the treasury on economic reform and the army for which we need the economic reform! I guess I'll build a shrine to Baal-Hammon instead for now. Maybe he'll solve my money problems and set Garama on fire conveniently so we don't have to worry about the bastards any more."

"Beyond that, the new mercantile port in Syracuse is working wonders at least. Though I'm not sure who is making more money from the deal, us or the Romans, who can now trade with us all the way up to their northern cities on their eastern coast." Mago

Hamalcar starts to travel towards Garama, stopping on the border to get the benefit of being able to purchase supplies... and burn up a little more of his elder brothers budget.

"Hamalcar can you please get on with this! Its costing us a fortune here to keep you in Syrthim! Go and pillage someone elses land!" Mago

"What am I supposed to pillage in the middle of a desert?!" Hamalcar

"I don't know, have you ever tried camel? I hear the cactii contain water if you're getting desperate!" Mago

"Come on, you painted gold leaf on the city walls, you can afford to supply a few hundred hungry soldiers!" Hamalcar

"Thats representative of an army of thousands you idiot!" Mago

Mago nearly has a heart attack as he spots an army banner near the undefended Bocchoris, which is hilariously isolated in the middle of the mediterranean.

"OH GODS! Bocchoris has fallen! My career is over! They'll want my head for this!" Mago

"Uh, dear? Thats a naval banner." Roxanne

"Is it... oh... oh, I knew that... thank the Gods..." Mago

I think it would be a good idea to invest in a barracks on Bocchoris at some point!

Hanno expands his retinue, gaining a treasurer who aids in the collection of taxes.

"According to my calculations, you've been losing 20% of your tax revenue due to missing out certain laws and obligations from the settlements you've been managing Hanno." Zeumenes, Hannos treasurer, of Numidian birth.

"What?! My father will kill me!" Hanno

"No, thats quite normal actually. Most governors don't have a clue about what money should actually be coming in. Mago is better at it than most but thats because he has a lot of help and is at the capital where he can learn new tricks. Just hiring me makes you look positively efficient by your average governors standards, most governors would dismiss me as a waste of money." Zeumenes

He also gains a geographer, named Bathyaes, who helps with exploration and movement.

"Well if there's a good chance of my being assigned to conquer Britain then I'd best recruit the man who mapped out the south-western corner of it!" Hanno

Finally he also gains a herbalist named Aristomenes, a Greek who specialises in difficult injuries.

Adherbal gains a master of archers, which is helpful in defensive situations.

5th Mounted Liby-Phoenicians, 6th Liby-Phoenician Infantry, and 14th and 15th Libyan Infantry trained.

"Thats it for the army... ok, Bomilkar, you should be ready to move out next season!" Mago

"I'm thrilled, trust me." Bomilkar

"Now come on Bomilkar, you know sarcasm doesn't travel well over the internet!" Mago

End Of Turn

266 BC (Winter)

Philosir struggles to retain control as tensions in Syracuse turn into riots, killing 1600 people including 31 of Hamalcars treasured soldiers.

"The ungrateful bastards damaged their new sewer system and the temple of Asklepieos! Now waste is spreading through the poorer section of the city, disease is rampant, and the one place that might have been of some use to treat the sick and dying is dangerous to use! We're bringing the sick into the palace in order to try to repair the situation!" Philosir

Pirates delay leaving for Massilia as the navy goes off to battle. Riots, unexpected defeats, crippling maintainence costs and pirates. Does this game hate me or something?!!

Governors villa at Mastia at least, and coastal clearing at Messana boosts trade. Basic farms started in Messana, and Mercantile Port at Adrumeto to try to raise money.

(I don't like this. I usually have something being built every turn in each of my towns and the tax rate at low by this time. I'm not used to actually having to pick and choose which town to build in! Why are the mods always much harder than the vanilla version?)

End Of Turn.

edited 9th Aug '10 10:46:25 AM by GameChainsaw

Thought this might be quite interesting for you guys. Its the units available to Carthage.

265 BC

Spring.

This campaign is driving me insane!

Army leaves for Massilia at last.

"Finally, they can stop eating us out of house and home and start conquering something." Mago

(SPLORCH!) "I freaking hate sailing..." Bomilkar

Pirates are annihilated on the way.

"Ahar! Away she DIES!!! SLOWLY!" Mago

Syracuse is pacified for the moment as a shrine is completed there.

"Guess they decided that destroying their own drainage systems and health centres wasn't such a great idea after all." Philosir

In Spain, reports come in of Edetani movement within the walls. Hasdrubal responds.

"This is going to be easy. There's hardly any of them left after two years of siege..." Hasdrubal

The Battle Of Arse.

Objective: Hasdrubal and 70% of his army must drive the Edetani back behind their walls, or win the battle outright.

• Carthaginian Forces: 289 men
• Edetani Forces: 155 men

Hasdrubals Iberian Army (3 stars, -2 morale)

• Hasdrubals Guard: 16 men, 3 EXP
• 1st Iberian Light Spearband: 61 men, 1 EXP
• 2nd Iberian Light Spearband: 61 men, 1 EXP
• 1st Iberian Light Cavalry: 25 men, 1 EXP
• 2nd Iberian Light Cavalry: 25 men, 2 EXP
• 3rd Iberian Light Cavalry: 19 men, 2 EXP
• 3rd Libyan Infantry: 41 men.
• 4th Libyan Infantry: 41 men.

Epophos' defenders (6 stars, -1 morale)

• Epophos' Iberian Heavy Infantry: 28 men, 2 EXP
• Iberian Heavy Cavalry: 15 men, 1 EXP
• Iberian Medium Cavalry: 15 men, 1 EXP
• Iberian Medium Spearband: 22 men, 1 EXP
• 1st Iberian Light Infantry: 26 men, 1 EXP
• 2nd Iberian Light Infantry: 26 men, 1 EXP
• Levy Hoplites: 25 men, 1 EXP

End of battle analysis... and what are hoplites doing here?!

edited 5th Aug '10 12:53:49 PM by GameChainsaw

"Battle of Arse." (Spain)

"Levy Hoplites."

LOL WUT?

The Battle

Phase 1: Uphill Cavalry Pursuit

Hasdrubal manages to get his men over near the Western wall and well away from the gatehouses before the Edetani begin to emerge from the gates.

"The enemy are emerging from the Northern and Southern gates!" Bodyguard

"I can see that! Head for the hill to the north-west, we'll let them clamber up that mountain after us and kill them once they reach the top!" Hasdrubal

The Iberians take more time than expected to organise however, and the Carthaginians almost get to the top of the hill before bellowing warcries alert the trailing Iberian spearbands that company is going to be arriving sooner than expected.

"How in the Gods name did they get here so quickly?" 1st Iberian Sargeant

"By running way ahead of their armies and having no support?" 2nd Iberian Sargeant

The enemy cavalry arrive totally isolated from the rest of their army, apparently imagining that they'll catch a unit of infantry isolated from the rest of the group. Unfortunately for the cavalry, the Iberians are more than a match for the isolated horsemen, and Hasdrubal is ready and nearby. As Hasdrubal doubles back to help, the Medium Cavalry make the same mistake as Hiero back at Syracuse and charge the ready and waiting 1st Iberian.

"Christ, we should label all our units as "Light". The enemy seem to equate that with "pushovers"" 1st Iberian

The Iberians reward them with a shower of javelins, but the Mediums shake this off and charge home anyway.

(Sound of terrifying warcries and clattering chainmail armour as the wave of horse and steel closes towards the infantry)

"Steady..." 1st Iberian Sargeant

The cavalry hit the Iberian formation, killing one unfortunate spearman whose opponent just managed to get close enough throug the spear wall to stab a lance through his neck.

(Urk!)

As the cavalry charge sinks into melee, the heavy cavalry mimic the mediums foolish performance by launching an attack straight at the 2nd.

"Oh, great, we get the heavily armoured maniacs." 2nd Iberian Sargeant

(While thrusting ferociously at a horse with his spear) "Would you like to swap?!" 1st Iberian Sargeant

The heavy cavalry manage to kill two Iberian spearmen whose spears broke under the sheer stress of the impact, but the rest stand firm, and now the Iberian spear wall begins to push the cavalry back. The Libyans, who have also returned to face the foe, shower the attackers with javelins. Hasdrubal readies a charge from behind.

"You know the drill, charge in with lances, followed with your swords at once the charges impetus has given out! NOW CHARGE!" Hasdrubal

The rear charge kills three heavy cavalry, to Hasdrubals and the Iberians dismay.

"Damn it general, you can't do any better than three?!" 2nd Iberian Sargeant

"Duly noted, now get back to your duty of killing Edetani soldier!" Hasdrubal

Eight surviving medium cavalry retreat from the scene, prompting Hasdrubal to break off and pursue them accompanies by the 4th Libyans.

"We'll pin them down for you sir!" 4th Libyan Sargeant

"Good. Don't let them escape, cavalry this disciplined will be back later!" Hasdrubal

The 1st takes a further casualty but the entire Edetani cavalry contingent is wiped down to six exhausted men and routs.

"Damn it, come back!" 1st Iberian Sargeant

"Oh, don't worry. They'll be back later. I know it." Hasdrubal

With the cavalry seen off, the infantry continue up the hill.

Phase 2: Duel on the hilltop.

Hasdrubal and the 2nd see off a group of four medium cavalrymen who were stupid enough to come back, the 2nd enduring another charge into their ranks which is effortlessly repelled.

"Have the Edetani lost their minds?!" 2nd Iberian Sargeant

"This is what happens if an army lacks discipline men! Never forget it!" Hasdrubal

"I thought the Spanish were supposed to be the disciplined Celts." Iqbal

The enemy infantry finally start up the hill, though they are in complete disorder. First up the hill are some Iberian medium spearmen, who are after running a third of the distance up a steep hill, for some reason decide to run across it. Epophos arrives and stards climbing, completely isolated from support. The organisation is so bad that Hasdrubal mistakes the Edetani disorganisation as indication of a challenge to duel.

"He... he's challenging me to a guard-to-guard duel?" Hasdrubal

"Looks like it... no ones organisation could be that bad... you're not thinking of accepting are you sir?" Iqbal

"It'd be bad for morale if I refused... come on, lets go!" Hasdrubal

Hasdrubal rides out of his protective circle of infantry to cheers from the Carthaginians and confusion from the Spanish lines.

"What are they... oh no..." Epophos

"EPOPHOS! I ACCEPT YOUR OFFER TO A DUEL THIS DAY! MY BODYGUARD WILL FIGHT YOURS ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE!" Hasdrubal

"NO! WAI-" Epophos

"CHAAAARGE!!" Hasdrubal

"REGROUP! RUN AWAY!!!" Epophos

The apparent retreat enrages Hasdrubal, who will not be denied.

"COME BACK COWARD!!!" Hasdrubal

"Why are you using the rally horn on the ENEMY army?!" Iqbal

"Damnit, turn, turn!" Epophos

(The cavalry slam into Epophos' flank, sending men flying everywhere.)

"So you decided to fight me after all then!" Hasdrubal

"I wasn't- that wasn't a challenge to duel! Why mommy?" Epophos

"Wow, he really WAS that incompetent." Iqbal

A quarter of Epophos' guard lies dead on the field as Hasdrubal pulls off to charge again. Carthaginians shout encouragements and taunts to raise the bodyguards morale as the Edetani scramble to try to save their beleaguered commander. One of the bodyguard falls, hauled off his horse by some quick thinking heavy infantry.

"Got one of 'em!" Heavy Scutarii

"Melchior!" Iqbal

"Leave him... we can't afford to lose momentum!" Hasdrubal

"Sir, the enemy are moving towards the target formation!" Guard

"Urrgh... I can't retreat now without disheartening my own army!" Hasdrubal

"Considering the state of the enemy forces, I don't think that'll be a problem somehow!" Iqbal

Circling around, the bodyguard delivers another overwhelming charge.

(Resolute) "Stand your ground!" Epophos

The bodyguards smash into the heavy infantry, leaving only ten guards standing and leaving the rest of Epophos and his men in stunned silence. The heavy infantry are effectively stunned for a few moments.

"ARRGH... curses..." Epophos

"Around men! We'll come back and hit them once more!" Hasdrubal

The Carthaginian heavy cavalry turn once more to charge, and send most of the few men Epophos has remaining flying everywhere, but events take over as the light infantry arrive and throw javelins at the retreating Carthaginians.

"RETREAT! They'll tear us apart with those javelins!" Hasdrubal

(Javelins rain in, unseating one of Hasdrubals guards.)

"Ashtzaph is down!" Iqbal

"Damn them!" Hasdrubal

It has the required effect however. The Carthaginians on the hill explode into a fury, shouting some of the foulest insults and most terrifying curses down at the bewildered Spanish, who freak out at the strength of the Carthaginian response.

"MANGY EDETANI BEASTS! HOW DARE YOU CALL YOURSELVES MEN!!!"

"MAY ASTARTE HERSELF BOIL YOUR ARMOUR AND MELT YOUR SKIN!"

"A ROMAN SPY HAS MORE HONOUR AND COMPASSION YOU WORTHLESS MONGRELS!!"

"What the hell are they expecting us to do in a battle sarge?!" Edetani Light Infantryman

"Who... who the hell knows?!" Light Infantry Sargeant

Only three of the heavy infantry are left standing, including Epophos himself.

"Ok, who's left?" Epophos

"Me... and that guy over there. I think. Are arms supposed to come off like that?" Infantryman

"What?... no..." Epophos

Over on the right flank, 1st Iberian Cavalry and 2nd Light Spearband bombard the approaching medium spearmen with javelins.

"Hey men, look! Target practice!" 2nd Iberian Sargeant

"Javelins!" Medium Spear Sargeant

The 2nd and 3rd Cavalry now also move into the fray, making full use of their height advantage to bombard the attacking light infantry. Hasdrubal, meanwhile, will not be deterred, and goes after Epophos.

"Come on! We'll go after those guards and draw fire off of the cavalry!" Hasdrubal

"Why can't I get a sane boss?" Iqbal

The javelins take down another bodyguard, but Hasdrubal annihilates the guard and starts fighting Epophos himself, who is surrounded on all sides by hacking and slashing elite cavalry.

"Your men may judge me coward, but the Gods will know the truth!" Epophos

"You should've taken the offer while you had the chance. At least then you would be honoured!" Hasdrubal

"Wow, talk of "honour" in a onesided bodyguard duel. And you call US savages." Epophos

"You know he's got a point there boss!" Iqbal

"..." Hasdrubal

"NOW DIE!" Epophos

(A guard topples down as Epophos manages to leap up and stab savagely into a weakpoint in the guards armour. No sooner has he finished than he goes for Hasdrubal himself.)

"DI-" Epophos

"Got him... sir." Iqbal

(Slightly shaken) "Thank you, Iqbal" Hasdrubal

Phase 3: The Inevitable Result...

Hasdrubal practically finishes the battle himself as the light infantry retreat, half of them dead from the hail of javelins from the light cavalry. Hasdrubal starts by routing the infantry that remain. He then goes off to annihilate a small group of cavalry who have come back to the fight.

The last unit of Edetani remaining are the late-to-the-field levy hoplites. They chase Hasdrubal, but he ducks behind a quickly assembled infantry wall consisting of some by now very angry and hyped up Libyans and 1st Iberians. The hoplites move to retreat, but proceed to surrender along with the remainder of the Edetani after a shower of javelins.

edited 6th Aug '10 12:12:05 PM by GameChainsaw

Aftermath

Clear Victory Come on, that was a Crushing Victory and you know it game!

...fine, have it your way.

Clear Victory!

• Carthaginian Losses: 7
• Edetani Losses: 131, remainder captured.
• Carthaginians Remaining: 281/289

Breakdown

Hasdrubals Guard

• 51 kills
• 4 lost, 12/16 men remain.
• +1 EXP

1st Iberian Light Spearband

• 7 kills
• 3 lost, 58/61 men remain

2nd Iberian Light Spearband

• 25 kills.
• 1 injured.
• Full Complement!
• Level Up! +1 EXP

1st Iberian Light Cavalry

• 12 kills.
• No Losses

2nd Iberian Light Cavalry

• 16 kills.
• No Losses

3rd Iberian Light Cavalry

• 12 kills.
• No Losses

1st Libyan Spearband

• 1 kill.
• No Losses

2nd Libyan Spearband

• 7 kills.
• 1 lost, 40/41 men remaining

That was for Garama... Arse conquered! Hasdrubal is the almighty conqueror of Arse... what are you doing with that sledgehammer... OW! Stop that! those lenses are very delicate!

455 gained from looting.

edited 6th Aug '10 12:21:09 PM by GameChainsaw

265 BC (Summer)

Arse is not a happy place.

"Gods, a town of this size and they don't even have basic plumbing. We'll need to get that built before we can even impose martial law and pacify the place. I guess I'd better try to improve the citizens lot before I go around claiming to be their lord and master." Hasdrubal

Simple Drainage in the pipeline, something that will soon become a policy in recently conquered towns. Decent plumbing can go a long way!

"Its not cheap though. Just bringing down the hammer is a lot kinder to your coffers." Mago

"Oh come on Mago, I know you're pissed about army costs but we're on the edge of plague here!" Hasdrubal

"I paid for it didn't I? Quit your complaining and be grateful!" Mago

Low growth in Carthage and Atiqa forces a drop in taxes as Mago starts cracking down on the growth problem.

"There isn't going to be a city growing at under 2% if I can help it! This is costing a lot though, and money is a lot sparser than it wa-" Mago

THIS YEAR IN HISTORY!!!

"FOR GODS SAKE HANNIBAL, THATS THE THIRD TIME WE'VE HAD TO FIX THE CEILING OF THE SENATE THIS DECADE!" Kanmi

"You can tell its the voice of the Gods... the unnatural loudness fills the very air." Himilco

Nikomedes founds Nicomedia as some dude named Doedalses builds a statue to the cult of Zeus Stratios there. Antigonos beats Spartans AGAIN near Corinth. Here's a free tip guys, USE SOME FREAKING CAVALRY!!!... Spartan king, Areus II, bites it. Athens under a siege which will last for the next three years.

...Thanks for spoiling that for me guys! Now I know when the siege will end!

Mithradates, king of Pontus, dances with the reaper. Mithradates II takes over... jeez, naming people after yourself was a theme with kings at the time, wasn't it?

Salventi beaten for a second time along with the Messapii. Numenius Fabius and Decimus Junius celebrate their 2nd triumph... glory hogs... unrest as an embassy from Apollonia is assaulted (hmm, sound familiar?) and civil strife between citizens and ex-slaves occurs at Vulcini.

Mago reviews his progress.

"Well at least my military objectives seem to be running relatively smoothly once more, and so far neither me nor my son have been exiled. Guess its time to pour some money into construction now that I've got a bit more money coming in." Mago

Public baths under construction in Syracuse.

"Maybe if we give them a place to go wash they'll stop rioting for five seconds." Philosir

Mercantile port started in Lilibeo.

"Finally, at the rate that was going I thought Messana might get its port before Lilibeo did." Hamalcar

Trader in Atiqa.

"Traders don't do that much, but we've reached a high enough level of trade for the amplification effect to be felt." Hanno

Simple Farming in Karali.

"You're determined to turn this into Carthages best town aren't you boy?" Mago

"Yup." Carthalo

Sewers in Bocchoris and Mastia.

"If there are two towns in our empire that need an aid to growth, its these two towns." Mago

Healer in Gader.

"Let the quackery... I mean, the wondrous healing powers of the earth, commence!" Hasdrubal

Syracuse finally shuts up long enough for Philosir to marry. He marries Alcippe, a Greek woman from the local nobility, something that raises eyebrows back home as he would normally be expected to marry a Carthaginian citizen due to his being adopted by the elan of Carthages nobility.

"Its your choice son, but this won't be to your benefit." Hamalcar

The fleet carrying Bomilkars army almost makes it to Massilia. Meanwhile, Hamalcar once more lays siege to Garama.

"There isn't going to be any surprise defeat this time, Zeuxis. You're on your own, outnumbered, outclassed, and no one is coming to help you..." Hamalcar

Autumn.

Order finally improves in Spain as Baikor completes its Governors Villa, cementing Carthaginian culture as a firm part of the local system. Arse gets its simple drainage as Hasdrubal starts mopping up any remaining troublemakers.

"Most people are happy enough to have simple methods of getting rid of excess water and some means of allowing the rain to cleanse the streets. We're busy clearing up a few troublemakers but I think we've made an impression." Hasdrubal

Keep dreaming buddy, you'll be in that town for a while. Shrine to Baal-Hammon started in Baikor.

"If we're going to focus on culture, might as well go the whole hog." Hasdrubal

Baths at Ippone.

"Considering its right by the sea, remind me why we need public baths again?" Mago

"You know how cold it gets sometimes?" Gisgo

"You're in the middle of an arid desert, on a small patch of fertile land. When do you go swimming, in the middle of the night?!" Mago

Bomilkar lands, and without delay, he besieges Massilia.

"It shouldn't take longer than a year, right?" Bomilkar

"uh... actually my estimates indicate that this is going to take two years at the least. AT THE LEAST." Sythiannus, Liby-Phoenician Spear-Carrier and Bomilkars 2nd in command

You're joking... thanks a lot Mago, I'll see you when I arrive home in a coffin. Possibly with a spear wound." Bomilkar

(Winter)

A three-unit Aedui army arrives near Massilia, led by captain Valentincos, but he doesn't do anything except hover near the bridge.

"You know, you could be more helpful..." Bomilkar

"What do you want us to do, sit around a city for two years while our people fight and die? No thanks, we'll go do something more useful." Valentincos.

Atiqa grows to city-size and requires a governors palace.

"Stop breeding damn it! You know how much palaces cost?!" Mago

"Come on dad, fork up." Hanno

"You know, this is oddly nostalgic..." Mago

Shrine to Tanit in Arse after much pacification.

"Jesus, this is going to take some doing if we're going to get this town in order..." Hasdrubal

"Who's Jesus?" Iqbal

"Oh, this trader over here. He's from Judea, in the Greek lands to the east, apparently. The place with that odd religion, only believes in one God and all that. Interesting fellow. Not from Jerusalem itself though, he lives on the coast apparently." Hasdrubal

Healer started in Messana after completion of farms there.

"I guess after taking them for all they were worth, some actual welfare spending is in order." Mago

Healer also started in Lepki as Mago assaults the social problems of the empire.

edited 6th Aug '10 4:05:59 PM by GameChainsaw

Could've sworn I learnt in Classical Studies that it was called Judea.

Facepalm

Of course... damn it. Damn memory block. Thanks Iniquitus.

EDIT: Will be up soon. Posted prematurely.

264 BC

Spring

Carthage gains its Citadel Barracks!

"The barracks is completed and we've now got somewhere for our best soldiers to occupy. On top of that, I've been going over the military history of Carthage, and I think I've found something that may be to the Liby-Phoenicians liking..." Mago

Elite Liby-Phoenician Infantry available!

Tier 4

Elite Liby-Phoenician Infantry

• Attack: 19
• Defence: 31
• Shield: 4
• Charge: 8

• Excellent Morale
• Good Stamina
• Powerful Charge.

Armed with a mixture of the best Carthage has to offer these men are not to be messed with. Besides being armed with shields up to par with the Carthaginian militias shields, finally removing the Liby-Phoenician vulnerability to missiles, they are also much more heavily armoured than their older-style counterparts. Mago has armed them in the old Libyan style of wielding battle-axes instead of spears in a phalanx, making them on par with and just as flexible as even the strongest of Roman units in melee. Raised to greater standing and taking more of a pride in their mixed heritage, the Elite Liby-Phoenicians are shock troops, and only a fool would get in the way of their charge.

Having reformed the military, Mago starts on building a Cistern Network in Carthage.

"The city is reaching its limit. We simply cannot take in any more citizens with current technology. Carthages future lies in establishing colonies beyond her shores. There is little room for growth left in her home city." Mago

Baikor finishes the shrine and starts on training a healer. Ships return for outfitting, but it is more than Mago can afford to pay for!

"Damn it, we don't have the money to spend on more soldiers! Be they aquatic or no!" Mago

Mago has achieved social wonders however. With the exception of Syracuse, every town in the empire is happy and prosperous, with the extra exception of Arse, which suffers both from its position and from its lack of mineral wealth.

"WHADDYA MEAN ITS NOT GOT ANYTHING TO MINE?! THIS IS SPAIN WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE!!!" Hasdrubal

It is time for the fateful showdown. In Garama, Zeuxis sallies, as Hamalcars patiently waiting men start to assemble for the final showdown...

The Second Battle of Garama

Objectives: Defeat Zeuxis and avenge the honour of Carthage in the eyes of her peoples and the world!

• Carthaginian Forces: 261 men
• Garamantine Forces: 171 men

Hamalcars Invasion Force (1 Star, -2 Morale)

• Hamalcars Guard: 21 men, 3 EXP
• 1st Poeni Militia: 40 men, 1 EXP
• 2nd Poeni Militia: 40 men.
• 3rd Poeni Militia: 40 men.
• 4th Poeni Militia: 40 men.
• 1st Libyan Spearband: 40 men, 1 EXP
• 1st Liby-Phoenician Spearband: 40 men, 1 EXP

Zeuxis' Garrison. (6 stars)

• Zeuxis' Numidian Cavalry: 32 men, 4 EXP
• 1st Garamantine Infantry: 46 men, 2 EXP
• 2nd Garamantine Infantry: 46 men, 2 EXP
• 3rd Garamantine Infantry: 17 men, 2 EXP
• 2nd Numidian Cavalry: 8 men, 1 EXP
• Numidian Skirmirshers: 22 men, 1 EXP

End of pre-battle analysis.

edited 7th Aug '10 8:26:41 AM by GameChainsaw

Er, is there any point to me continuing this? I'm getting distinct Jumped the Shark vibes.

I know it hasn't been as funny as usual. I can't seem to rectify it, I've kind of wrote myself into a corner here.

Is this still any good, or is there anything I should be doing? I've kinda lost confidence in my blogging.

edited 8th Aug '10 11:20:31 AM by GameChainsaw

Do keep in mind that this is the first liveblog of yours that I've actually followed thoroughly from the start. I consider myself entertained, you've had a nice mix of comedy and viewer participation that I approve of. Also the music links are a nice touch.

Sorry for the lack of comments on my part lately, since I have very little free time during weekdays and no access to the internet apart from weekends.

Keep it up.

Thanks. I had guests over but the battle will be up by tomorrow at the latest. I'd better go get started on Fable II.