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Tommy Wiseau is an alien.Not a theory I come up with myself; a number of people have mentioned it. But it fits perfectly: the weird accent, the lack of an origin or even a definitive nationality, the secrecy, and of course, the complete lack of understanding of how humans work. For example, Wiseau apparently says that the reason Claudette's cancer isn't brought up again is that his research indicates that the seriously ill don't like to talk about their condition, suggesting that he's never had much in the way of normal human interaction and that the only "information" about how humans act that he has, he gleaned from dry studies of human behaviour. If you tried t o picture an alien making a film, The Room is what you'd get, isn't it?
Tommy Wiseau is a vampire.
Tommy Wiseau was born into a homeless family, or at least spend a significant portion of his life homeless.Thus, the subject of his documentary and his reluctance to talk about his past. His looks are due to never getting in the habit of washing regularly, and malnourishment.
Tommy Wiseau made the people in the documentary homeless.He could have robbed from in order to get his funds to make The Room, seeing how he is not revealing how exactly he got the money. He could have simply made the documentary as a cover-up.
Tommy Wiseau is not, as commonly believed, French.Given how often in the movie he calls Lisa his "future wife", he doesn't seem to know that the word "fiancée" exists. So while he is definitely some shade of European foreigner, a Frenchmen not knowing of a word that their own language originated would be pretty inexcusable.
Tommy Wiseau is Cajun.Think about it. According to The Other Wiki he grew up in New Orleans, plus the suffix -eau is VERY common in Cajun/Acadian surnames. His moving about the U.S. and Europe when he was older must've warped his accent a bit. And maybe his mom is Eastern European while his dad is Cajun.
Tommy Wiseau is from Romania.His accent is kind of eastern European... yet also he can come off as French sounding at times as well. Romanian is a romance language like French. the -eau in his name can be found in a fair amount of Romanian surnames. Or maybe if we combine this WMG with the one above it.... (I'm totally pulling this one out of my ass, I know.)
Tommy Wiseau didn't even know what was going on in his own movie as often as not.A recent interview in Entertainment Weekly revealed that there was an uncredited script supervisor, Sandy Schklair, who also ended up handling most of the directorial duties (confirmed by one of the actors, who wished to remain anonymous) due to the fact that Wiseau was more concerned with the acting portion of his job. They also said that the scripts that Wiseau created were almost incomprehensible and that the others went to Schklair for help with fixing it. It seems like the rest of the cast knew that they were making a legendarily bad movie and decided it was best to leave Wiseau, who honestly believed he was making a decent movie, out of the loop. (Schklair was left out of the credits because he quit prior to the end of production in order to work on Jumbo Girl.)
Tommy Wiseau is Palpatine.Look at their faces. Notice the resemblance?
Tommy Wiseau is an immortal Neanderthal.That would explain the weird, not quite French accent. He must have learned English long ago, and the last place he lived in that spoke French was early colonial New Orleans. He actually was born in France, where he says he lived "a long time ago." Given that his face appears to be that of a Neanderthal's, a REALLY long time ago.
Tommy Wiseau had a stroke at some point.It makes as much sense as anything else.
Tommy Wiseau is an oni.I swear the oni in the game looks like Tommy Wiseau's face on the poster as seen on the main page, minus the hair.
Tommy Wiseau is Muammar Gaddafi.He tried his hand at film directing because he didn't see why Kim Jong-Il should get all the fun.
Tommy Wiseau is The G-Man.They both wear suits. They both put emphasis on all the wrong words and syllables. They both seem like aliens doing the most unconvincing human act ever. The G-man grew his hair long and disguised himself (very poorly) as a crappy real-life filmmaker to keep the bills paid between Half-Life and Half-Life 2. Now, as he waits for Half-Life 3 to come along, he's been forced to go back to appearing as Wiseau, hence the cult following that's sprung up between the time the film was released and today.
Tommy Wiseau actually has Mensa-level intelligence and is a brilliant actor.He just does the whole "retard-caveman-vampire" thing because A.) He knows people will find the novelty of such a being fascinating, and B.) He has a blast doing it. He funded "The Room" by shrewdly playing the stock market. "The Room"'s entire existence, in fact, was intentionally designed to flop because he WANTED to be known as the man who made the worst movie ever so he could surprise people when he does something really good.
Tommy Wiseau is actually the most gifted filmmaker of our time.He cannot mention what country he's from. After he graduated film school there, he made a powerful, epic drama with strong allegories to the country's corrupt government, believed by film scholars to be the greatest film ever made before its destruction at the hands of the country's censors. Now banished from his homeland, Tommy fears that any indication of his home country will get him assassinated by their military's secret agents. He wound up in America, where his genius remains buried in culture shock: A poor grasp of both the English language and American customs prevent him from properly directing or writing a good script.
Tommy Wiseau is the latest alias of Connor MacLeod.They both seem to have an inscrutable accent and enigmatic origins. Also, depending on whether you regard Highlander II's Zeist plot point as canon, it could tie in to the "Tommy Wiseau is an alien" guess.
And now, Greg Sestero's personal WMG.As per his biography, The Disaster Artist: Tommy is from a former member of the Soviet Union, likely Romania. His father, a World War II veteran, beat him savagely throughout his childhood, resulting in facial deformities. He fell in love with America and began selling treasonous american souvenirs to make money to illegally immigrate to France, where he changed his name to Pierre in an attempt to fit in, but had an equally miserable life. From there, his uncle in Louisiana sponsored his legal immigration to America. After a few more miserable years working as a stock-boy, he realized his weirdness was marketable and moved to San Francisco, where he somehow made a fortune through, again, selling tacky souvenirs. His most popular item was a toy bird (the kind you can get at the Eiffel Tower), so he became known as the "Birdman." He changed his name to something more american: Thomas P. Wiseau. Tommy the Birdman. His fortune from toy birds was negotiated into a few pieces of prime real estate, which was the source of his money. A traumatic car accident spurred a mid-lfie crisis. Being a Rich Idiot with No Day Job, he was able to easily commute between LA and San Francisco for acting classes. When his only friend, Sestero, began to drift away, he felt hurt and betrayed, and from that came The Room.
Tommy Wiseau is the protagonist of the Sonic.exe creepypasta.Just a couple of stupid coincidences that had me think about this:
Tommy Wiseau is Frankenstein's monster.He matches the description of the monster given in the book, particularly the "flowing black hair." Also, it's widely believed that Tommy Wiseau is French, and what language did the creature speak? That's right, French. It would make sense; that's why he won't disclose his backstory: because he's actually a 200 year old living corpse. The Room could have been his wish fulfillment dream of being a normal person. Of course, he would name his future wife in the movie "Elizabeth" since that was Victor Frankenstein's wife's name, so he had some attachment to it.
Tommy Wiseau is an alternate-universe counterpart of Christian Weston Chandler.He acts very bizarrely and appears to have little grip on reality. His work is very poorly-made, but he seems unable to tell that it is not excellent and that his fans are laughing at him rather than with him. He has a strong accent and uses peculiar euphemisms, phrases, and sentence construction. He uses ideas and quotes taken from other media (like "You're tearing me apart") with little context. He has a surprising amount of money that he seems to have obtained for doing absolutely nothing. And, according to The Disaster Artist, he's egotistical enough to want to own his own personal planet, he's prone to Patriotic Fervor, he shamelessly apes the people close to him, he acts pettily towards those he dislikes, and his work on The Room has been alleged to be a giant scheme for him to be able to kiss a girl. Really, he's the kind of person you'd expect Chris to grow up to be, if he was indiscriminately foreign and had a life of his own.
Tommy Wiseau has Schizotypal Personality DisorderThis Troper, personally having a family member with the illness, believes it's very plausible. After all, more evidence of this is given in The Disaster Artist, as Tommy is said to take a lot of prescription medications and tends to have very strange beliefs and ideas. The symptoms are as follows, with examples of fitting behavior from The Disaster Artist:
Tommy Wiseau's accent is fake,When Tommy Wiseau decided to embark on a film career, he realized he needed some kind of personal brand. He thought about how people like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are known for the way they talk, and how people love Funny Foreigner charaters, so he decided he was going to give himself an iconic accent. Unfortunately, Wiseau sucks at impersonations, which is why the accent is impossible to place.
Greg Sestero (Mark's actor) had no idea that he was in a movie until the end.Think about it. His "acting" sounded like he had no idea what was going on. Like when Lisa called him again and why he didn't get that Lisa wanted to have sex with him.
Chris R's actor, Dan Janjigian, was an actual drug dealer.Denny's actor seems pretty surprised by Chris R's appearance on set, and Chris himself seems pretty intent on getting Denny's FUCKING MONEY! After Wiseau figured it out and took him to the authorities, Denny probably made the drug deal story up on the spot because they didn't want to lose precious film. Just a possible justification for the poorly written scene.
Johnny is the reason why harsh topics like breast cancer and drug money are dropped after they are mentioned.Ideally because his presence indicates that there should be no need for something as bad as say, owing some guy who tried to kill you for money. Only when Johnny died will those bad things come back at full force, thus reinforcing the Downer Ending.
Johnny's weirdness is the key to his success at the bank.His banking skills are decent enough, and they get customers purely because they want to see this fascinating weirdo. This also explains why he never gets promoted, that's all well and good at his current level but his boss wouldn't want him to have any more control.
Johnny is mentally handicapped and Lisa is his caretaker.Johnny is related to a wealthy banker who pays for his home, wardrobe, and a full-time caretaker, Lisa. Johnny thinks that he works at the bank because he goes there several times a week to see his relative, who puts him into an empty office and gives him random papers to shuffle around. Johnny gets so far into the delusion that he's convinced that he's earned a "promotion", which is why he's upset when he believes he was passed over. Johnny actually does go upstairs to take a "nap", and his sex scenes with Lisa are dreams, which explain why he's always wrong about how sex works. People only call him "Johnny", never "John" or "Jonathan", as though he's a child. The lady at the flower shop treats Johnny the way she does because he actually is a regular customer but doesn't know she's ripping him off. She always has a bundle of day-old flowers that some customer forgot to pick up or pay for ready to hand off to Johnny. Claudette knows that Lisa is woefully underqualified for her job as caretaker, but she doesn't have any qualifications or certification that would allow her to get a job anywhere else. "Honey, you can't take care of yourself," she says. Lisa got that job by seducing Johnny's rich relative. Denny is an actor, paid off to act as a friend to Johnny. Lisa doesn't like him, but keeps him around because she gets paid to "like" him as well. He doesn't have to pay rent and he gets money for college by humoring the rich eccentric and keeping Johnny entertained. His moment with Chris R. was orchestrated by him, Mark and Lisa to insert some drama into their lives and to deepen the Masquerade. The same goes with the people at the birthday party at the end. They were all (apart from the "main characters") extras, paid off to act as friends to keep Johnny happy. In short, everybody in the movie is in on Johnny's disability and either humors him, takes advantage of him or is a paid off extra.
Johnny is a Reality Warper who is losing his powers.At the beginning he is a prosperous man with a well-paying job, a beautiful future wife with whom he has had a seven year relationship with (yet she looks 18), many friends, and is generally adored by everyone. This is because he can warp reality to his specifications, though it is limited mostly to situations and personalities. Then his ability starts fading: he loses out on his promotion and his future wife realizes she doesn't love him (and never has, only thought she did because of said reality warping) attempts to exert free will by seducing his best friend who is also exerting his free will. As Johnny desperately tries to fix everything while his powers continue to fade (causing many of the plot holes, inconsistencies, and dropped subplots), Reality Ensues more often: breast cancer, troubles with a drug dealer, and more. Seeing Mark and Lisa together at the party proved to him that his powers were soon going to disappear completely (until then, they had at least kept the affair somewhat discreet) and unable to handle it, he takes his life. The oddness of the characters afterwards is the residual reality warping still affecting them (until reality finally fixes itself).
Johnny kept a pistol in a box labeled "In Case of Betrayal, Open Box."If you look closely at Johnny's gun, it's not the same model as Chris-R's gun. Johnny knew that his life may someday go to pot so he bought a gun as a contingency plan. That, or it was meant to be the same gun as Chris-R's and Tommy Wiseau is incompetent at keeping continuity. Either explanation is equally plausible.
Johnny's ideas for the bank aren't as great as he thought they were.Johnny has a very weak grasp of how banking works. The ideas he gave the bank manager was stuff like "I think it would be a good idea if the bank gave people money when they asked for it. They could pay us back later, and give us a little extra so we make money." The next day, he spotted the loan department for the first time, asked what they did there, and said to himself "Wow! They already put my ideas into practice, hah?"
Johnny works at a bank, but he's not a banker.Johnny's secretly a low-level janitor or similar at the bank. That's why he's so vague about everything going on at the bank. The "upcoming promotion" and his "ideas" for the bank were all a lie. Alternately, he was hoping to get promoted to head custodian, and his money-saving ideas were stuff like buying off-brand floor cleaner. It also explains why nobody at the bank seems to mind his disheveled appearance. When he gets to work, he takes off his wrinkly suit, puts on a jumpsuit, and gets to mopping. He can't tell Mark about the "new client" because he knows nothing about the client, he just heard people talking about it at the bank. His constant hangdog expression is because he's been living beyond his means for years, and the bill collectors have been hounding him for a while now. He didn't want to give money to Claudette's friend not only because he doesn't know her, but because he's already massively in debt. He'd been considering suicide for months now, and being betrayed was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Johnny is an alien.He lacks social skills. He seems to be screwing Lisa's navel, not her vagina. He couldn't cash an "out of town check" meant he had something of value, but it wasn't a check - it was gold bars or something. He's "tired of this world" means that his suicide will return him to his virtual reality station where he's controlling the earth human body.
Mike and Michelle have a food fetish.The chocolate blow job scene, and at Johnny's party they are sexually feeding each other cake.
Denny is prostituting himself to pay for college.He already shows signs of being at least a bisexual (See his eagerness to join Johnny and Lisa and his disappointment when he's unable to). His whole exchange with Chris R is what you'd expect between a Prostitute and his/her Pimp (He calls him "Baby.") He only says that he bought drugs off of him as a cover story as it was the scenario least likely to freak them out. After taking Chris R to jail, Johnny then figured out the truth and decided to pay for his tuition so he wouldn't prostitute himself anymore.
Claudette has Alzheimer's.She seems to always forget that Lisa fell out of love with Johnny, so much so that he is always taken by surprise whenever Lisa tells her so; this would also explain why Lisa doesn't seem exasperated every time she has to tell her the same thing over again. Her breast cancer is never mentioned again either because she forgot about it, or perhaps sometime in the past she was misdiagnosed with it and it became a recurring memory. After the fight at Johnny's birthday party, Claudette goes upstairs and calmly talks to Lisa as if nothing serious has happened.
Claudette is Mary Worth.Do I even need to explain further?
Helping engaged women cheat on their fiancés is a hobby of Mark's.Notice the best man in this video: Coincidence?
Claudette is fully aware that Lisa is a lying, conniving bitch.This completely explains her complete nonchalance when Lisa says "He got drunk last night and hit me." Her response of "Johnny doesn't drink!" actually implies she knows that Lisa's lying, and instead is defending Johnny.
Everyone in the movie is just bilking Johnny for money and gifts.Mark, Lisa, Claudette, et al, have all seen how generous Johnny is, and are merely pretending to like him so that he'll buy them stuff. Note that Claudette is angry with Johnny for not giving her friend money to buy a house. The whole movie is a result of Mark and Lisa starting to get tired of pretending to like him. Denny isn't really a socially awkward Man Child, he just acts like one because it makes Johnny feel like he's a father figure. Note during the Chris R. scene, he seems to break character. For one moment, he goes from whining and crying to screaming "You're not my fucking mother!" at Claudette, then goes back to the sniveling. In his frustration, he accidentally let them see his real personality. Denny's extreme reaction to Johnny's suicide is because he realized that he's lost his gravy train.
Lisa was a late-life child.Lisa's in her 20's and her mother's in what - her 60's? Lisa's mother has to have been in her 40's when she got pregnant with Lisa.
Chris-R is a Troubleshooter.He's come back in time from Alpha Complex. He's still got his name and he's obviously RED clearance, he just doesn't use his housing sector or clone number on his name anymore.
Mark and Lisa were already having an affair before the movie began.Note that when Lisa calls Mark at the beginning of the movie, before the affair supposedly begins, she calls him "baby," and he doesn't react at all. As though that's nothing new to him. Granted, he seems confused as to whether or not Lisa is trying to seduce him the first time they have sex on film, but he's that way every other time, too.
Lisa is a Veela.Everyone wants her. Everyone points out how beautiful she is.
Lisa is actually Nomi Malone.After Johnny dies, Denny inherits all his money and Lisa is bankrupt, so she changes her name to Polly Anne Costello, gives herself a fake backstory and moves. But she's unable to support herself, (as Claudette keeps insisting) so she turns to prostitution, eventually ending up with a bad rap sheet. She changes her name again and decides to move to Vegas and the rest is history. They have a lot of similar traits (everyone finding them desirable, acting like a bitch, being a gold digger, blonde hair). Since The Room never really specifies when it takes place, it could easily take place before the Stardust went under.
Denny didn't really want sugar, butter, et al.He knew Chris-R was gonna be coming by pretty soon for his FUCKING MONEY. He figured he'd root through Johnny's sock drawer for cash, thinking Lisa was out shopping with Claudette. When he found them at home, he came up with something on the spot to try and get rid of her for a couple minutes.
Lisa and Johnny have been sexually molesting Denny for years.Denny sees nothing wrong with jumping into bed with Lisa and Johnny because that's the way their relationship has always worked, and until recently they have had no problem with involving him in threesomes. Denny's line "I just like to watch you guys" strongly implies that he HAS, in fact, watched Lisa and Johnny have sex at some point in the past, and the completely unfazed way Lisa and Johnny react to his creepy behaviour suggests that it's just the way their relationship used to work. Perhaps Johnny recently got wind that child protection agencies were keeping an eye on him and thus made an agreement with Lisa to no longer involve Denny in their debauchery, and this is what's causing Denny to be so desperate for attention from Lisa - with their sudden withdrawal of sex, Denny feels unwanted and is afraid they'll stop paying his college tuition.
Claudette doesn't really have breast cancerLate in the movie, Lisa tells Johnny she's pregnant, apparently just to fuck with him, and seems baffled when Michelle and Steven call her out on this. Why does this seem like acceptable behavior to her? Because she's seen her mother doing the same thing for years. That's why she blows off Claudette when she says she has breast cancer, Lisa assumes it's just another lie to "make things interesting."
The sex scenes are POV shots.
ALL of the movie consists of POV shots taken from cameras Denny's installed (with some exceptions) because he's a secret agent.Denny is an Older than They Look FBI agent or policemen investigating Johnny, who is the prime suspect in an embezzlement scheme from his bank. Denny poses as a neighbor kid to gain Johnny and Lisa's trust and eventually plants cameras in their home and outside their home to try to find evidence of Johnny's role in the embezzlement scheme. Exceptions are the flower shop scene (which could just be their own security cameras) and some in the park (which could be an innocent bystander's camera confiscated or another agent posing as such). The scene with Chris-R was set up by Denny and another agent to throw them off and think they were not being spied on.
Johnny was actually murdered by Denny.And the whole movie is a story that Denny made up on the spot to cover the truth, but he got really carried away with it.
The Room is, either deliberately or coincidentally, the Anti-Citizen Kane.Many people have refered to The Room as the Citizen Kane of bad movies before, but I'm pretty sure it was only meant in the sense that it's the best of the worst. However, both films are very similar in some aspects, the main difference being that while Citizen Kane made these aspects work, The Room... didn't. Now, consider this:
The Room is Tommy Wiseau's Springtime for Hitler.
The Room really was supposed to be a dark comedy.However, Wiseau's script supervisor, the above-mentioned Sandy Schklair, didn't see it that way. Either he didn't understand the comedy, understood it but didn't find it funny, or thought that the comedy got in the way of what he saw as a great story. Regardless, Schklair rewrote the script and instructed the actors to treat it as a drama, which Wiseau either begrudgingly allowed or didn't notice. However, Schklair did a real lousy job covering his tracks; he basically got rid of some scenes, added some new ones, and left the rest completely intact. This explains tons:
The story (intentionally, or otherwise) is told from the perspective of an "unreliable narrator" with a serious mental disability.The way that things play out makes very little sense, to a normal person. People come and go through Johnny's house for no explained reason; they wear clothes that make no sense for the occasion; their emotions and tone-of-voice don't match the situation, and so on. However, Johnny (and perhaps Tommy Wiseau) notice nothing out of the ordinary about any of this. This is because the protagonist (and writer/director/star, perhaps) does not understand how people work, or maybe even how the world works. From his point of view, this is just the way things are: people randomly show up in certain places, and randomly leave; they change their clothes and tones of voice from time to time; and he constantly hears phrases like "That's me!" and "Oh hai Mark." Johnny/Tommy doesn't understand that people have reasons for doing these things. From his point of view, they just do them. In addition to being laughably bad, this film might be an insight into the mind of a disabled person with no concept of cause and effect.
The film is actually about the monuments and buildings of San Fransisco.All the shots of actors are actually the Establishing Shots, while the buildings and Golden Gate Bridge are the actual story. The actual story is incomprehensible to humans, and the human parts are incomprehensible to humans because it's just the way monuments view humans.
The Room is Ben and Arthur with straight people.Ben and Arthur is a 2002 film written/produced/EXECUTIVE produced/directed by and starring Sam Mraovich that follows a gay couple who try to legally consummate their relationship while trying to dodge the evil machinations of the main protagonist's hyper-religious brother. Most comparisons between the two films tend to refer to their mutual incompetence and anviliciousness, but the two films have a surprising amount in common:
The Room is actually a high class piece of film, based on the standards of the Spoon World.On the Spoon Planet, they prefer films where character motivations and development do not exist and drama is gotten out of the way quickly. The Room was a top-class award winning movie on their home world, and is considered one of the finest pieces of Spoon-made drama.
The Room is at least semi-autobiographicalThe more I watch this movie, the more I feel that it was made in part to be a kind of public catharsis for Tommy Wiseau. It all smacks of someone who got hurt by someone they loved, and they're raging and storming about how unfair it all is. Note how Lisa decides to cheat on Johnny For the Evulz. Lisa's feeble attempts at justifying her actions are practically infantile, and everybody seems to take it for granted that Johnny is completely innocent. Nobody seems to blame Mark either. In fact, it seems the only reason he's in the movie is because Lisa needed to be sleeping with someone. Johnny, meanwhile, is presented as Marty Stu-like martyr, constantly thinking of everyone else around him, and ultimately Too Good for This Sinful Earth. The whole thing just comes off as a 90 minute exercise in Wish Fulfillment and a massive Take That at whatever woman jilted Tommy Wiseau in his past. Regarding the suicide at the end: it's said that teenagers often contemplate suicide as a form of revenge, as in "Won't everybody be sorry they were mean to me if I killed myself!" Tommy Wiseau, being an adult, is presumably smart/mature enough to understand the foolishness of that line of thinking, but it doesn't stop him from fantasizing about it, and therefore sticking it in his movie.
The Room is a modern day AU fanfic of The Lord of the Rings.Johnny is Wormtongue, Lisa is Éowyn, Mark is Faramir, Denny is Merry, and Claudette is Théoden.
The Room is a "loose" retelling of The ApartmentBoth titles are similar in a way, plus the fact that the films take place in the the film title indicates (The Apartment takes place in Baxter's apartment while The Room takes place in the room of where ever the hell Johnny lives). Much like the character of Baxter, Johnny wants to get promoted at his job (It's mentioned that he didn't get promoted) so he uses his place for a co-worker to have an affair. That part of the film sadly goes nowhere, but it's no surprise that other subplots in the film go nowhere as well.
The Room is the fever dream of another Johnny.Nny gets the flu, feels crappy and accidentally falls asleep. He has a dream about what his life would be like if he were a normal guy and not a crazy serial killer, but because he's sick and doesn't really understand normal people to begin with, all the conversations and events are extremely weird and stilted, his sick, delusional mind creating the many non-sequiturs in the dialogue and storyline. Johnny is now his idea of what sociable and friendly must be like, petting doggies and doing "nice" things for his friends.
The "bank" Johnny works for is, or is affiliated with, the Bluth Company.They already put his ideas into practice. Namely, his terrible chicken impressions.
Regarding the alien species at the ending of the game that Johnny is a member of... They reproduce asexually. To do otherwise would require female members of the species.
How the film got its name....Someone looked at the first page of Tommy's untitled script and said "Be sure to leave room for the title." Tommy's mind is so scrambled he thought they said "Be sure to have 'The Room' for the title"
Johnny is a Timelord recovering from a rather messy regeneration.We've seen that Timelords go through a recovery process after a regeneration. Johnny has been recovering for the whole duration of his relationship with Lisa, and had actually never been to Earth beforehand, which explains his poor grip on reality. The bank is his TARDIS, and he keeps returning there on the flimsy pretext of getting a promotion.