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Fiction
Anime and Manga
"Are you really more worried about your bangs than your panties?"
— Rentarou to Meme, The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really, Really Love You (Chapter 45)
"Cough up the tits! Those're mine!!"
— Denji going out of his way to save Power and Meowy, Chainsaw Man
Girl: Are my father and little brother dead too?
Hiro: What does that matter? We were talking about One Piece.
Hiro: What does that matter? We were talking about One Piece.
Films — Live-Action
"We got a madman running around the city and you're talking to your wife about a fuckin' barbeque!"
—Sergeant Connor, 555
"Our father was having gay sex with a guy who could fit in his pocket... and you're mad 'cause he's white?"
—Aaron, Death at a Funeral
"Whoa, wait. You decided that you wanted to help us, and then you went and applied makeup? Well, how long did that take? What, ten - fifteen minutes?"
—Medina, Deathgasm
Cameron Frye: Ferris, my father loves this car more than life itself.
Ferris Bueller: A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile.
Ferris Bueller: A man with priorities so far out of whack doesn't deserve such a fine automobile.
[After finding out that Alan accidentally roofied them]
Stu: You are such a fucking moron!
Alan: Your language is offensive!
Stu: You are such a fucking moron!
Alan: Your language is offensive!
"The years passed, and mankind became stupider at a frightening rate. Some had high hopes that genetic engineering would correct this trend in evolution, but sadly the greatest minds and resources were focused on conquering hair loss and prolonging erections."
—Narrator, Idiocracy
"Who cares about Jennifer, and those douche-bags with their douche-bag haircuts and their man-scara? People just burned to death!"
—Chip Dove, Jennifer's Body
Richie Norris: The Martians just blew up the donut shop!
Glenn Norris: Well, if they come around here, we'll blast them back into space!
Sue Ann Norris: They sure ain't getting the TV!
Richie: Should I go get Grandma?
Glenn: Oh, forget Grandma! She's halfway into space already!
Glenn Norris: Well, if they come around here, we'll blast them back into space!
Sue Ann Norris: They sure ain't getting the TV!
Richie: Should I go get Grandma?
Glenn: Oh, forget Grandma! She's halfway into space already!
"Even in a time of intergalactic crisis, people still want to roll them bones."
—Art Land, Mars Attacks!
"I must say, Dr. Hill, I'm VERY disappointed in you. You steal the secret of life and death, and here you are trysting with a bubble-headed coed. You're not even a second-rate scientist!"
—Herbert West, Re-Animator
"We lack hospitals and doctors, but half the budget goes for military expenditures."
—The Deputy, Z
The Dude: My only hope is that the Big Lebowski kills me before the Germans can cut my dick off.
Walter: Now that is just ridiculous, Dude. No one is going to cut your dick off. Not if I have anything to say about it.
The Dude: Thank you, Walter, that makes me feel very secure. That makes me feel very warm inside.
[The conversation meanders around for a bit, touching on whether or not the Germans are Nihilists or Nazis, until:
Walter: And let's not forget, Dude, let's not forget Dude, that keeping wildlife, um, an amphibious rodent, for, um, you know, domestic... within the city... that ain't legal either.
The Dude: What are you, a fucking park ranger now?!
Walter: No! I'm just trying to offer—
The Dude: Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot?!
Walter: Now that is just ridiculous, Dude. No one is going to cut your dick off. Not if I have anything to say about it.
The Dude: Thank you, Walter, that makes me feel very secure. That makes me feel very warm inside.
[The conversation meanders around for a bit, touching on whether or not the Germans are Nihilists or Nazis, until:
Walter: And let's not forget, Dude, let's not forget Dude, that keeping wildlife, um, an amphibious rodent, for, um, you know, domestic... within the city... that ain't legal either.
The Dude: What are you, a fucking park ranger now?!
Walter: No! I'm just trying to offer—
The Dude: Who gives a shit about the fucking marmot?!
Jack Sparrow: Now, before I go just handing them over, I do have one or two conditions.
Blackbeard: Name them.
Jack: Firstly, I'll be having my compass back. No, that's secondly. Firstly, upon your word, you'll bring no harm to Angelica.
Blackbeard: Name them.
Jack: Firstly, I'll be having my compass back. No, that's secondly. Firstly, upon your word, you'll bring no harm to Angelica.
"What's the matter with you guys? Pretty girls wantin’ a dance, 'n all yiz can think of is to beat up on each other?!"
—Officer Krupke, West Side Story (2021)
Literature
"Bad news, Harry. I've just been to see Professor McGonagall about the Firebolt. She — er — got a bit shirty with me. Told me I'd got my priorities wrong. Seemed to think I cared more about winning the Cup than I do about you staying alive. Just because I told her I didn't care if it threw you off, as long as you caught the Snitch on it first. Honestly, the way she was yelling at me... you'd think I'd said something terrible."
You care about me saying "Mudblood" when I'm about to kill you?
— Draco Malfoy to Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Late last night I returned home from my duties as royal envoy, to find my kin in a greater uproar than the southern city I had left behind. Ten months of Westgate's problems shrivel to insignificance when compared to the tragedy that has befallen the clan of the Wyvernspurs of Immersea.
How could the flattening of an entire neighborhood by a dragon corpse, followed by an earthquake and an underworld power-struggle, hope to compete with the theft of a family heirloom no larger than a zucchini and uglier than three-week-old sausage?
How could the flattening of an entire neighborhood by a dragon corpse, followed by an earthquake and an underworld power-struggle, hope to compete with the theft of a family heirloom no larger than a zucchini and uglier than three-week-old sausage?
— Giogioni Wvvernspur, Wyvern's Spur
Van Eck: If you fail, all the world will suffer for it.
Kaz: Oh, it's worse than that, Van Eck. If I fail, I don't get paid.
Captain Gwent: We find a new planet, Captain gets to name it.
Father Lewis: Well, that should help tremendously, eh? At least when it squashes us flatter than rodent roadkill, we'll know what to call it. We won't have to race around screaming "Arg! Crushed to death by planet What's Its Name!"
"You'd actually let Urithiru fall rather than share what you know? If we lose the Oathgates permanently, that's it for the war. That's it for your homeland. [Beat] Fine. I hope that when you die - knowing your homeland is doomed, your families enslaved, your queen executed - you feel satisfied knowing that at least you maintained a small market advantage."
—Navani, Rhythm of War (fourth book of The Stormlight Archive)
"This is a matter of life and death, and you talk about controlling myself?!"
—Fern Arable, Charlotte's Web
"You clumsy great engine! The best cup of cocoa I've ever had, and you bumped into me and spill it all!"
—The Goods Train Fireman to Henry, The Railway Series
Mark: This chair is too small.
Ms. Farmer showed Mum all the drawings of Castles and Knights that I did. I wanted Dad to look at them, but he just walked around the room trying out all the chairs...
Ms. Farmer showed Mum all the drawings of Castles and Knights that I did. I wanted Dad to look at them, but he just walked around the room trying out all the chairs...
— Something Different About Dad: How to Live With Your Asperger's Parent, Chapter 3
Live-Action TV
Lister: You've got to get your priorities right! You know, it's like those people you read about who run back into a burning house to rescue some treasured piece of furniture and wind up burning to death. I mean, nothing's more important than a human life!
Rimmer: What about your guitar?
Lister: ...except my guitar.
Rimmer: What about your guitar?
Lister: ...except my guitar.
— Red Dwarf, "Marooned"
The whole Earth may be sucked into hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big 'ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to not care.
— Buffy to Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Mickey: What's a horse doing on a spaceship?
The Doctor: Mickey, what's pre-revolutionary France doing on a spaceship? Get a little perspective!
The Doctor: Mickey, what's pre-revolutionary France doing on a spaceship? Get a little perspective!
— Doctor Who, "The Girl in the Fireplace"
Eric Taylor: Can I ask you a question? How can you even think about that stuff when you're in the mess that you are with your wife? Really.
Buddy Garrity: Pam will forgive me.
Eric Taylor: You think? You know what I think? I think you hide your head in football a little too much, Buddy. 'Cause I don't think you should care about the semis. I don't think you should care about who I'm having dinner with, or who the hell is even coaching the team. I think you need to worry about your family.
Buddy Garrity: Pam will forgive me.
Eric Taylor: You think? You know what I think? I think you hide your head in football a little too much, Buddy. 'Cause I don't think you should care about the semis. I don't think you should care about who I'm having dinner with, or who the hell is even coaching the team. I think you need to worry about your family.
— Friday Night Lights, "Extended Families"
[After Michael shows Tahani she died initially due to being jealous of Kamilah and attempting to sabotage her]
Tahani: Oh my god. I died in Cleveland?
Michael: I really don't think that should be your takeaway here.
Tahani: Oh my god. I died in Cleveland?
Michael: I really don't think that should be your takeaway here.
— The Good Place, "Team Cockroach"
[During a Flashed-Badge Hijack chase]
Jess Day: Hey, watch my soup!
Detective Jake Peralta: I'm chasing a criminal! Your soup is not important!
Jess Day: You took an oath to serve and protect. That applies to my soup.
Detective Jake Peralta: You know that's not what the oath is about. You're making a point you don't even believe in.
Jess Day: GARBAGE TRUCK!
[The car crashes]
Detective Jake Peralta Dammit! He got away.
Jess Day: Yeah, well, I spilled my soup. You tell me which is worse.
Detective Jake Peralta: My thing! Very clearly my thing!
Jess Day: Hey, watch my soup!
Detective Jake Peralta: I'm chasing a criminal! Your soup is not important!
Jess Day: You took an oath to serve and protect. That applies to my soup.
Detective Jake Peralta: You know that's not what the oath is about. You're making a point you don't even believe in.
Jess Day: GARBAGE TRUCK!
[The car crashes]
Detective Jake Peralta Dammit! He got away.
Jess Day: Yeah, well, I spilled my soup. You tell me which is worse.
Detective Jake Peralta: My thing! Very clearly my thing!
Vocational Guidance Counselor: Do you have any qualifications [to become a lion tamer]?
Mr. Anchovy: Yes, I've got a hat.
Vocational Guidance Counselor: A hat.
Mr. Anchovy: Yes, a hat. A lion taming hat. A hat with 'lion tamer' on it. I got it at Harrods. And it lights up saying 'lion tamer' in great big neon letters, so that you can tame them after dark when they're less stroppy.
[...]
Vocational Guidance Counselor: Yes, yes, I do follow the strategy. But you see, the snag is, if I now call Mr. Chipperfield and say to him: "Look here, I've got a 45-year-old chartered accountant with me who wants to become a lion tamer", his first question is not going to be: "Does he have his own hat". He's going to ask what sort of experience you've had with lions.
Mr. Anchovy: Yes, I've got a hat.
Vocational Guidance Counselor: A hat.
Mr. Anchovy: Yes, a hat. A lion taming hat. A hat with 'lion tamer' on it. I got it at Harrods. And it lights up saying 'lion tamer' in great big neon letters, so that you can tame them after dark when they're less stroppy.
[...]
Vocational Guidance Counselor: Yes, yes, I do follow the strategy. But you see, the snag is, if I now call Mr. Chipperfield and say to him: "Look here, I've got a 45-year-old chartered accountant with me who wants to become a lion tamer", his first question is not going to be: "Does he have his own hat". He's going to ask what sort of experience you've had with lions.
— Monty Python's Flying Circus, Vocational Guidance Counselor Sketch
Kate: If you wanted me to be your wife so much, why did you sell me at a fair?!
Gypsy Ricky: I wanted a drink.
Gypsy Ricky: I wanted a drink.
"Would you stop taking pictures of yourself? Your sister's going to jail!"
— Kris Jenner, Keeping Up with the Kardashians
Britta Perry: I can excuse racism, but I draw the line at animal cruelty!
Shirley Bennett: ...You can excuse racism?
Shirley Bennett: ...You can excuse racism?
—Community, "Advanced Gay"
"I could get fired. Or even worse, Leslie might me a lecture on responsibility again."
— April Ludgate, Parks and Recreation
Video Games
-Where the ████ is the army?
-Who the hell goes around censoring swear words in the ███████ zombie apocalypse???
-Dude stop!
-never
-Who the hell goes around censoring swear words in the ███████ zombie apocalypse???
-Dude stop!
-never
— Wall graffiti, Left 4 Dead 2
Christ. In forty hours, the city of London will cease to exist. Including selected suburbs, and my treasured freehold townhouse. And I just bought new furniture!
— Austin, after finding out London is about to be nuked in The Mark
"Hey commander. Check it out! Big news; the new Blasto movie is breaking opening-week records! There's also a big expose on quasar tournaments, tips on how to make your apartment look bigger, and... oh yeah, a big-ass Reaper invasion."
— Joker, complaining about this in Mass Effect 3
"Well, I'd like to relax over a coffee now, but it seems that's not possible."
— Richard Maxwell, Raiden V
I will delete that last report as SPAM. I will give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you did not pause your rather delicate operation to inform me of your vehicular slaughter. We can continue on with this pleasant fiction, yes?
— Richard Sonnac, The Secret World
You might not have heard, but the tales say that Lamitt roamed the land — without her helm. She willingly showed her face to those who weren't kin! She knew full well that it would dishonor her and us all, and she did it anyway. Then there's the part about bringing doom on all the world — not one of our taboos, really, but it's generally frowned upon.
— Giott, Final Fantasy XIV: Shadowbringers, "Traditions and Travails"
Packs full of steel and war, but nary a thought given to the plow.
—Darkest Dungeon, when heroes are starving
I crawled into that rock to take a nap. That was three years ago. Oh baby... I hope I'm still clocked in!
— Monty Mole, Paper Mario: The Origami King
Cogita: I must say, this is quite the intriguing village... Perhaps I'll have a look around before I go - see what your clothier has on offer.
Adaman: Excuse me? Is this the time for shopping?!
Cogita: Well, I'll hardly have time for shopping if the world ends, will I, young man?
Adaman: Fair point.
Adaman: Excuse me? Is this the time for shopping?!
Cogita: Well, I'll hardly have time for shopping if the world ends, will I, young man?
Adaman: Fair point.
Aster: If I'm being honest, I never thought about what I'd do when I became a Knight. But now, I can say this... Snake Crest makes girls sad, and so they have to be punished!
Narration: *Aster's shameless statement was met with dead silence.*
Aster: Huh? What? Why?
Riche: Why just girls?
Barro: Heheheh, well, why not? No reason he has to support everyone by himself.
Acheval: Mhm, anyone Aster can't protect, we can just take care of ourselves. Work hard, bro! Otherwise, we'll save the cute girls first.
Aster: I can't let that happen...
Raz: Lili, a deranged madman is building an army of psychic death tanks to take over the world, and there's no one who can stop him except for you and me!
Lili: Oh my god! Let's make out!
Raz: Uh, what??
Lili: Oh my god! Let's make out!
Raz: Uh, what??
Spyro: Skylanders! Kaos is back to destroy Skylands.
Trigger Happy: [annoyed] Again?
Slam Bam: Downer.
Terrafin: That guy owes me five dollars!
Trigger Happy: [annoyed] Again?
Slam Bam: Downer.
Terrafin: That guy owes me five dollars!
— Skylanders: Spyro's Adventure Launch Trailer
Webcomics
"Hey, c'mon, where'd this thing come from? It's blocking me from my Transformers display! [Beat Panel] And my clothes, I guess. Clothes are more important. She said, to appear normal."
—Amber:, Dumbing of Age
Tedd: So, what, if the rules were all ideal, magic wouldn't work?
Magic: Human spells would become random, the agitated energies forming massive storms of chaos magic.
Van: That sounds bad.
Magic: Yes. People would stop using magic.
Magic: Human spells would become random, the agitated energies forming massive storms of chaos magic.
Van: That sounds bad.
Magic: Yes. People would stop using magic.
Web Original
Brookyln Guy: That [phone call] does not matter, you are taking a test and you're driving is da-is dangerous-
Bowser: But [my mother is] cooking spaghetti!
Brookyln Guy: IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT SHE'S COOKING FOR DINNER YOU ARE TAKING A DRIVING TEST, YOU'RE GONNA KILL EVERYBODY!!
Bowser: Oh my God, what, you don't want spaghetti, are you a hater-?
Brookyln Guy: I'm not in the mood for spaghetti!
Bowser: But [my mother is] cooking spaghetti!
Brookyln Guy: IT DOES NOT MATTER WHAT SHE'S COOKING FOR DINNER YOU ARE TAKING A DRIVING TEST, YOU'RE GONNA KILL EVERYBODY!!
Bowser: Oh my God, what, you don't want spaghetti, are you a hater-?
Brookyln Guy: I'm not in the mood for spaghetti!
— SuperMarioLogan, "Bowser's Drivers License!"
We must be ready for war. No, not that kind of war! [Shows title card for his War Stories video]'' This is something far more serious than people dying, even more important than real life economic turmoil and geopolitical conflict. This is the greatest external threat a writer will ever face, people on the Internet saying mean things about one's work!"
Rata: Got to say, kind of progressive of you to join a metrosexual biker gang.
The One Whose Shape Was Snatched: You absolute donkey. This is no measly biker outfit, but the uniform for the Cyberdark Impacts, a new age activist group dedicated to constructing many houses and schools for the purpose of educating a small solitary man by the name of Billbury.
Rata: *Beat* Sorry, did-what?
"You get away from my food, my friend [Krillin], my two emergency foods [Oolong and Icarus], and my son! In that order."
—Goku, Dragon Ball Z Abridged
Oh my God, is there anything worse than a snake...ohyeathegiantTyrannosauruswaitingformeoutsiiiiide!
Aveline: You, Varric, have a very large mouth.
Varric: And here I've always looked up to you. What is it now?
Aveline: There were fist-fights in the barracks over who was the model for your Guard serial.
Chuck: Is it really so important that we sort this out now? How about we stop the pending chemical weapons attack, and then deal with the petty bullshit afterwards? ARGH. No, sorry. I've only myself to blame. As a criminal, I forget I am so disproportionately civic-minded.
—SF Debris reviews Dragon Age II
Tubbo: You know how you put your hand in a bag of crisps, and you get like grease on it? What I did is, I got like two bags of Monster Munch, I opened them, and then I put it in a bowl! So now I have Monster Munch in a bowl!
Tommy: ...Tubbo, there are two minutes until Dream comes and murders us.
Tommy: ...Tubbo, there are two minutes until Dream comes and murders us.
Purge: Your precious Space President, Peace, has been captured by us, the Rhythm Rogues!
Rosie: Yes, but can he still sing?
Rosie: Yes, but can he still sing?
— Professor Juice on Space Channel 5 Part 2
[scenario; Edd and Tom are in a house at the bottom of the ocean]
Edd: Hey, Tom! I got my grades back today.
Tom:*panicking* WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!
Edd: They’re below C-Level.
[Studio Audience laughs]
Tom: YOU HAVE TO HELP ME BOARD UP THESE WINDOWS! WE’RE GONNA DIE!!
Edd: That teacher sure harbors a grudge!
[Studio Audience laughs]
Tom: WHY ARE YOU JUST MAKING PUNS?!
[Beat]
Edd: She’s a real beach!
[Studio Audience laughs]
Edd: Hey, Tom! I got my grades back today.
Tom:*panicking* WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!
Edd: They’re below C-Level.
[Studio Audience laughs]
Tom: YOU HAVE TO HELP ME BOARD UP THESE WINDOWS! WE’RE GONNA DIE!!
Edd: That teacher sure harbors a grudge!
[Studio Audience laughs]
Tom: WHY ARE YOU JUST MAKING PUNS?!
[Beat]
Edd: She’s a real beach!
[Studio Audience laughs]
"They're pointing arrows and she's worried about their shoes. She NEEDS to sort out her priorities."
— Jay Thorntree, Protectors of the Plot Continuum, "No Way Back
"
""My new paint job! Oy, puta! Grind up an entire species on your own time! But when you wreck my ship… it. Gets. Personal!"
—Shrike Sanchez, Monkey Wrench
Why are you posing for pictures and playing with the baby when Egon only has until midnight [before he dies]?
—Jeremy Perron on The Real Ghostbusters, "Three Men and an Egon"
on The Real Ghostbusters, "Three Men and an Egon" Western Animation
"Steve, I know you cloned these girls. If the CIA finds out, I'll lose my job."
— Stan Smith, American Dad!
Lana: Ray is dying!
Archer: Does that mean so must my dream?
Archer: Does that mean so must my dream?
— Archer, whose dream involved forming a lacrosse team out of Ruthless Modern Pirates
"We can't go to prison! We have midterms!"
— Wasabi, Big Hero 6: The Series
"I starred in twenty-two consecutive Doggy Chop commercials. Look at me now; I couldn't land an audition!"
— King, Isle of Dogs
When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town
With a foot-and-a-half of water
Everyone was all right, but I cried all night;
It blew my alphabet blocks out of order
With a foot-and-a-half of water
Everyone was all right, but I cried all night;
It blew my alphabet blocks out of order
— Hermes Conrad, Futurama
Marinette: It's Adrien! He's looking for his phone! What if he tracks it? He'll figure out I stole it, I'll be arrested for grand theft, I'll spend the rest of my life in jail, and worse, I'll never get to go to the movies with Adrien!
Tikki: Oh, Marinette. You really need to get your priorities in order.
Tikki: Oh, Marinette. You really need to get your priorities in order.
Rarity: I was this close to getting that diamond!
Twilight: [annoyed] You mean... getting rid of that dragon?
Rarity: Oh, yeah...sure.
Twilight: [annoyed] You mean... getting rid of that dragon?
Rarity: Oh, yeah...sure.
Rarity: [while the Smooze is overrunning the Gala] My shoes will be ruined forever!
Applejack: That's what you're worried about? Really?
Applejack: That's what you're worried about? Really?
— My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic, "Make New Friends But Keep Discord"
Cartman: [crying] My dad was a ginger!
Kyle: Dude, you killed your own dad and you're worried about that?!
Kyle: Dude, you killed your own dad and you're worried about that?!
Gwen: We've been at this for hours. If Ghostfreak trashes the campus, I'll never get admitted!
[Ben and Max give Gwen a look that says "Seriously? That's your biggest concern right now?"]
Gwen: [nervously] Not like that isn't as important as saving all these innocent people.
[Ben and Max give Gwen a look that says "Seriously? That's your biggest concern right now?"]
Gwen: [nervously] Not like that isn't as important as saving all these innocent people.
— Ben 10, "Ghostfreaked Out"
"You miserable engine! Just look what you've done to our breakfast! Now I shall have to cook some more."
— The Stationmaster's Wife (to Thomas after he's just crashed into and half-demolished her house), Thomas & Friends''
Raine: Hello Darius. Eber.
Darius: Raine Whispers. You'll regret what you did to my cloak!
Eberwolf: [snarls]
Darius: And your treachery. Whatever.
Darius: Raine Whispers. You'll regret what you did to my cloak!
Eberwolf: [snarls]
Darius: And your treachery. Whatever.
— The Owl House, "Eda's Requiem"
Bitsy: I know you stole the côte de boeuf, and I intend to prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law.
Abby: Well, I hope that wouldn't negatively affect my work here.
Helen: You'd also be fired.
Abby: No!
Helen: Huh. Would've expected a bigger reaction to the first thing.
Abby: Well, I hope that wouldn't negatively affect my work here.
Helen: You'd also be fired.
Abby: No!
Helen: Huh. Would've expected a bigger reaction to the first thing.
— Central Park, Season 3 "A Matter of Life and Boeuf"
SpongeBob: So what's the plan, Sandy?
Sandy: Run faster!
SpongeBob: I could've thought of that. Hey, wait a minute! I was right, wasn't I?!
Sandy: Later!
SpongeBob: Ah, he is too big for you, isn't he?
Sandy: Not now, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: I wanna hear you say it!
Sandy: Can we talk about this another time?
SpongeBob: Say it!
Sandy: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Say it, or I'll trip you!
Sandy: No! Get away!
SpongeBob: SAY IT!
Sandy: Not now!
SpongeBob: SAY IT!!!
Sandy: OKAY!!! You were right, and I was wrong!!! I was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!!! Are you happy now?!
SpongeBob: [smirks] I knew it.
Sandy: Run faster!
SpongeBob: I could've thought of that. Hey, wait a minute! I was right, wasn't I?!
Sandy: Later!
SpongeBob: Ah, he is too big for you, isn't he?
Sandy: Not now, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: I wanna hear you say it!
Sandy: Can we talk about this another time?
SpongeBob: Say it!
Sandy: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Say it, or I'll trip you!
Sandy: No! Get away!
SpongeBob: SAY IT!
Sandy: Not now!
SpongeBob: SAY IT!!!
Sandy: OKAY!!! You were right, and I was wrong!!! I was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!!! Are you happy now?!
SpongeBob: [smirks] I knew it.
—SpongeBob SquarePants, "Sandy, SpongeBob, and the Worm"
"You painted my paint job! PREPARE FOR SURGERY!"
— Knock Out, Transformers: Prime, "T.M.I."
Other
Lucy: Hey, manager! I think we should call the game.
Charlie Brown: Call the game?! Why should we call the game?
Lucy: It's raining on my cake!
Charlie Brown: Call the game?! Why should we call the game?
Lucy: It's raining on my cake!
— Peanuts
Chuck's over there tripping out, and talking to a group of unknown synthetic beings living on a planet with wildlife about as deadly as the last one we were on, and the first thing you think is to defend your heterosexuality? What is WRONG with you?!
— Risky, We Are Our Avatars
"...In fact, it seems that every single person in Night Vale was actually a secret agent waiting to be activated. We had all been implanted with the exact same code phrase, which is the kind of sloppy organisation that is just what our government is coming to."
—Cecil, Welcome to Night Vale
"And what kind of scientists are working on [seedless watermelon] anyway? You've got scientists working on AIDS, cancer, heart disease. 'No, I want to focus more on melon. Sure, thousands are dying needlessly, but this? [poot] That's gotta stop!'"
Volcanoes erupted from Perth to Peru,
The Grand Canyon widened. Mount Everest grew.
The earth started spinning a different direction,
And worst of all, I lost my iPhone connection.
The Grand Canyon widened. Mount Everest grew.
The earth started spinning a different direction,
And worst of all, I lost my iPhone connection.
Seriously, folks'll barely get their asses when we've got a gulf full of oil, but you take away their Budweiser and they'll fuckin' end you.
—Nash, What the Fuck Is Wrong with You?, "One Moron, One Scotch, One Beer"
I was watching my TV one night
When they broke in with a special report
About some devastating earthquake in Peru
There were thirty thousand crushed to death
Even more were buried alive
On the Richter scale, it measured 8.2
And I said, "God, please answer me one question:
Why'd they have to interrupt The Simpsons just for this?"
When they broke in with a special report
About some devastating earthquake in Peru
There were thirty thousand crushed to death
Even more were buried alive
On the Richter scale, it measured 8.2
And I said, "God, please answer me one question:
Why'd they have to interrupt The Simpsons just for this?"
—'"Weird Al" Yankovic, "Why Does This Always Happen To Me?"
Real Life
"When Ron Artest was a rookie with the Chicago Bulls, he applied for a job at Circuit City to get the employee discount. If you know anything about economics and professional basketball salaries, this is a lot like dismembering only dwarf prostitutes for the plastic bag savings...If Ron Artest was an economist, he would immediately quit to lower his business card expenses. After he joined the Indiana Pacers, Ron started a side job promoting a girl group whose only hit was a Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam cover. He nagged his coach for a month off to pursue this and got suspended for two games. Economically speaking, this the same as taking $200,000 out of the bank to raise money-eating beetles."
Not only did WCW begin to sign names, but at the advice of their PPV head, Sharon Sidello, they also began to film expensive skits in an effort to sell their upcoming shows. These weren't cheap-looking productions filmed with standard television equipment; they were professionally filmed, and they looked like honest-to-God movies. And why not? They had the Turner family behind them, and if anyone could make such a production look high-end, it would be them. The only problem was that these skits were so horribly written and acted that the results were laughable, at best...Instead, fans were "treated" to Sting and Davey Boy playing volleyball with orphans on an island—and this is a direct quote—"somewhere in the Gulf of Mexico." Vader and Sid showed up to crash the party (on a war boat, no less!) and challenged the good guys to outdo them in a clam bake. No, just kidding, they challenged them to a match at Beach Blast. In the meantime, an evil one-eyed midget named Cheatum (yes, as in "cheat them") planted a bomb on Sting's boat and blew it to smithereens as the heels had a good laugh.
Let's look at the two scenarios we've presented. Scenario one, in which the heels beat up the faces and leave them sprawled out in the ring, would have cost approximately $0 extra to film. Scenario two, the amazingly well-produced but equally amazingly poorly written and performed orphans/war boat/one-eyed midget/boat explosion route, wound up costing $80,000.
Let's look at the two scenarios we've presented. Scenario one, in which the heels beat up the faces and leave them sprawled out in the ring, would have cost approximately $0 extra to film. Scenario two, the amazingly well-produced but equally amazingly poorly written and performed orphans/war boat/one-eyed midget/boat explosion route, wound up costing $80,000.
— R. D. Reynolds and Bryan Alvarez The Death of WCW
"Oh, goody! That means I can go back inside and keep playing Minecraft!"
— Zero Punctuation (On severe flooding in Brisbane)
"Several months after the second movie, Sunsoft released a tie-in game for the NES. The developers were able to make the game surprisingly faithful, despite being based on such unorthodox source material. The levels are almost all based on scenes from the movie, as are the weapons and many of the enemies...It's rather ironic that Sunsoft did a much better job adapting such an oddball film compared to some of their more well known releases such as Batman."
George Clooney married Amal Alamuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an adviser to Kofi Annan regarding Syria and was selected for a three person U.N. commission investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza Strip. So tonight her husband is getting a lifetime achievement award.
— Tina Fey, presenting the 2015 Golden Globes
And after that annoyance of natural disasters [a flood] was over, I searched for my Nintendo. I mean sure, there could be people DEAD outside, lying in the streets, DEAD. I should help them, but... Nintendo important!
"Oh, you're bleeding everywhere! Oh, you're bleeding everywhere! Get it off my designer Gucci glasses, and my Gucci purse!
— Game Grumps; Jon, after Arin "shoots himself" because of Rugrats in Paris: The Movie
Wirz: As I have said—as I say for the last time—it was, to me, a military situation.
Chipman: But that was not a military situation; those helpless, unarmed men were no longer the enemy, no matter what Winder said. This was no longer a question of North and South, a question of war, but a question of human beings.
Chipman: But that was not a military situation; those helpless, unarmed men were no longer the enemy, no matter what Winder said. This was no longer a question of North and South, a question of war, but a question of human beings.
— The Andersonville Trial, in regards to Henry Wirz's mindset in treating the prisoners at Andersonville. Obviously not Played for Laughs.
There's a couple—they were on a honeymoon, and the plane hadn't yet taken off, and the, um... The woman who had just gotten married just became violently and horribly ill on the plane. I mean, it was not like a pretty little, like, sick bag kind of thing, it was just like, "I'm going to paint with my organs." And people were freaking out all over the plane, and um... So they brought a stretcher down, and they put her on the stretcher, and they're wheeling her away, and like, the... The, um... Her—her new husband, he's kinda cruisin' along with the thing and he sees me and he's like, "Deadpool! No way, high five!" And I'm like "[stammering] what has she got?!" Like, what's happening, I don't wanna... Y'know, he's like "Let's touch eyeballs!" It's like no! No! And by the way: your wife is like half dead! Help her! Help her, man!
So, [Operation] Ichigo was kind of the beginning of the end for [Joseph] Stilwell as the commander of CBInote . Despite being a theater commander he was fixated on recovering Upper Burma—a very tiny fraction of his command—and spent most of his time at the head of a couple Chinese divisions, X Force, that he had trained in India. He was almost completely out of the strategic loop, stomping around the Burmese jungle, and was largely ignorant of the scale and danger posed by Ichigo, which was happening in the theater he was supposed to be in command of. Like, this is equivalent of Eisenhower not knowing that the Battle of the Bulge was happening because he was leading a division from the front somewhere else along the line. It's completely ridiculous when you place it in a European context! In fact, this led to the gibe that Stilwell was "the best three-star company commander in the U.S. Army."
—Justin Pyke, Military History Visualized, "The Worst US General in World War 2?"
"So, the federal government CAN strong arm Supreme Court justices, meddle directly in territories, veto bills like you throw out wrapping paper, and just generally abuse power, but could not be bothered to help the North out with the Panic of 1857, or do ANYTHING to TRY and prevent states from seceding? That's priorities, not "lacking power".
Any time I see someone not singing the right song or wearing the right flower in their lapel, I will scream “Traitor!”, as otherwise I will be forced to dwell on the projections that mean our climate is warming rapidly. I will sing my national song as my habitat burns and whole species become extinct; I will sing it as gargantuan boiling waves flecked with rubble and major public buildings pursue me through the streets. I will sing it as I light a pyre of garbage to warn my fellow survivors that our enemies the Crabmen have begun their final sideways march out of the sea. I will sing my national song in a rich baritone in one of humankind’s final mountaintop redoubts. Even when there is none left to hear but the carrion birds that circle me daily, I will sing.
But when facing the moral dilemma of whether to save all of humanity or his pet cat, Judd, he chose his cat.
—Youtuber Chasekip, on the lore of Splatoon
It seems that in the early planning stages, the creative team decided to truly spare no expense. They started investing in so much of [Evermore Park]'s smaller details at first without looking at the broader budget and seeing if they could pay for the bigger picture. [...] There's this stone arch in the garden which looks kind of cool, you walk under it for a second and are like 'oh that's kind of cool'. A former member of the creative team that I spoke with alleged that this arch was purchased pre-made and shipped into the park like that, and cost about $50,000. [...] This LA Times article claims that much of the brick and stone used to build the structures was imported from England, many of the statues are real and antique, real antique stained-glass windows were imported from overseas for the theoretical church that doesn't even have walls. These are all really cool touches, but these are the things you do if you have more money than you know what to do with. These are certainly not expenses you should take on before you're certain you have enough to pay all your contractors for the meagre half of the park they've already built. I once went on that Harry Potter bank ride at Universal Studios, in the lobby they have these massive marble collumns, and when you knock on them you hear that they're hollow, the marble pattern's just a print laid over wood or plastic. And you know what I think about that? I think 'now that's a building that's got all its walls'. Priorities!
—Jenny Nicholson, "Evermore: The Theme Park That Wasn't"
But it turns out that cancelling very famous people is actually very hard. I screamed for years that we should get rid of Chris Brown, how'd that work out for me? I especially didn't expect it to work on 6ix9ine. Like, calling him the horrible abusive monster is not gonna do anything, when his response is gonna be: "Yes, I'm a horrible abusive monster." The only real abuser that's been booted out of music is R. Kelly, and he had to be an active practicing pedophile for 20 years, and more importantly, stop having hits. For the most part, people who actually do lose their careers for being "problematic" are people like Robin Thicke or Iggy Azalea, whose crimes were much lesser, but who no one really liked that much to begin with. 6ix9ine is still very lucrative, so he's been pretty insulated from any actual consequences. Mostly.
I am holding a disc that contains illegal boob in it. AHHHHH! It's got to be destroyed, I can't let anybody get their hands on this ever again, and more importantly, it doesn't match with my PS2 shelf!!
. AHHHHH! It's got to be destroyed, I can't let anybody get their hands on this ever again, and more importantly, it doesn't match with my PS2 shelf!!So, anyway, back to Rayford Steele. You remember Rayford. He’s the kinky, control-freak, middle-aged pilot so obsessed with his lust for a young, subservient flight attendant that he seems not to have noticed a nuclear war.
— The Slacktivist on Left Behind, here
