Quotes: Skewed Priorities

Real Life

"When Ron Artest was a rookie with the Chicago Bulls, he applied for a job at Circuit City to get the employee discount. If you know anything about economics and professional basketball salaries, this is a lot like dismembering only dwarf prostitutes for the plastic bag savings...If Ron Artest was an economist, he would immediately quit to lower his business card expenses. After he joined the Indiana Pacers, Ron started a side job promoting a girl group whose only hit was a Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam cover. He nagged his coach for a month off to pursue this and got suspended for two games. Economically speaking, this the same as taking $200,000 out of the bank to raise money-eating beetles."

"Oh, goody! That means I can go back inside and keep playing Minecraft!"
Zero Punctuation (On severe flooding in Melbourne)

"Several months after the second movie, Sunsoft released a tie-in game for the NES. The developers were able to make the game surprisingly faithful, despite being based on such unorthodox source material. The levels are almost all based on scenes from the movie, as are the weapons and many of the enemies...It's rather ironic that Sunsoft did a much better job adapting such an oddball film compared to some of their more well known releases such as Batman."
Keith McDOnald and Sam Derboo on Gremlins 2: The New Batch

"George Clooney married Amal Allamuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawywer who worked on the Enron case, was an advisor to Kofi Annan regarding Syria, and was selected for a three-person UN comission investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza strip. So tonight her husband is getting a lifetime achievement award."
Tina Fey, 2015 Golden Globes ceremony

Fiction

When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town
With a foot-and-a-half of water
Everyone was all right, but I cried all night;
It blew my alphabet blocks out of order
Hermes Conrad, Futurama

Late last night I returned home from my duties as royal envoy, to find my kin in a greater uproar than the southern city I had left behind. Ten months of Westgate's problems shrivel to insignificance when compared to the tragedy that has befallen the clan of the Wyvernspurs of Immersea.
How could the flattening of an entire neighborhood by a dragon corpse, followed by an earthquake and an underworld power-struggle, hope to compete with the theft of a family heirloom no larger than a zucchini and uglier than three-week-old sausage?
Giogioni Wvvernspur, Wyvern's Spur

Lana: Ray is dying!
Archer: Does that mean so must my dream?
Archer, whose dream involved forming a lacrosse team out of Ruthless Modern Pirates

(after finding out that Alan accidentally roofied them)
Stu: You are such a fucking moron!
Alan: Your language is offensive!

Lister: You've got to get your priorities right! You know, it's like those people you read about who run back into a burning house to rescue some treasured piece of furniture and wind up burning to death. I mean, nothing's more important than a human life!
Rimmer: What about your guitar?
Lister: ...except my guitar.
Red Dwarf, "Marooned"

"Hey commander. Check it out! Big news; the new Blasto movie is breaking opening-week records! There's also a big expose on quasar tournaments, tips on how to make your apartment look bigger, and... oh yeah, a big-ass Reaper invasion."
Joker, complaining about this in Mass Effect 3

Cartman: (crying) My dad was a ginger!
Kyle: Dude, you killed your own dad and you're worried about that?!

I hate to remind everyone but, um, I've just destroyed a merger that probably took hundreds of years to set up, the office is on fire, Denholm is furious— so can we please please concentrate on what's important AND HELP ME PUT ON MY SHOES!
Jen, The IT Crowd

Rarity: I was this close to getting that diamond!
Twilight: (annoyed) You mean...getting rid of that dragon?
Rarity: Oh, yeah...sure.

"The whole Earth may be sucked into hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big 'ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to not care."
Buffy to Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"Chuck's over there tripping out, and talking to a group of unknown synthetic beings living on a planet with wildlife about as deadly as the last one we were on, and the first thing you think is to defend your heterosexuality? What is WRONG with you?!"

Mickey: What's a horse doing on a spaceship?
Doctor: Mickey, what's pre-revolutionary France doing on a spaceship? Get a little perspective!
Doctor Who, "The Girl in the Fireplace"