When I was four there was a hurricane in Kingston Town
With a foot-and-a-half of water
Everyone was all right, but I cried all night;
It blew my alphabet blocks out of order
Hermes Conrad, Futurama
Late last night I returned home from my duties as royal envoy, to find my kin in a greater uproar than the southern city I had left behind. Ten months of Westgate's problems shrivel to insignificance when compared to the tragedy that has befallen the clan of the Wyvernspurs of Immersea.
How could the flattening of an entire neighborhood by a dragon corpse, followed by an earthquake and an underworld power-struggle, hope to compete with the theft of a family heirloom no larger than a zucchini and uglier than three-week-old sausage?
— Giogioni Wvvernspur, Wyvern's Spur
Lana: Ray is dying!
Archer: Does that mean so must my dream? (his dream involving a pirate lacrosse team)
Stu: You are such a fucking moron! (after finding out that Alan accidentally roofied them)
Alan: Your language is offensive!
Lister: You've got to get your priorities right! You know, it's like those people you read about who run back into a burning house to rescue some treasured piece of furniture and wind up burning to death. I mean, nothing's more important than a human life!
Rimmer: What about your guitar?
Lister: ...except my guitar.
Red Dwarf, "Marooned"
Hey commander. Check it out! Big news; the new Blasto movie is breaking opening-week records! There's also a big expose on quasar tournaments, tips on how to make your apartment look bigger, and... oh yeah, a big-ass Reaper invasion.
— Joker, complaining about this in Mass Effect 3
Cartman: (crying) My dad was a ginger!
Kyle: Dude, you killed your own dad and you're worried about that?!
I hate to remind everyone but, um, I've just destroyed a merger that probably took hundreds of years to set up, the office is on fire, Denholm is furious— so can we please please concentrate on what's important AND HELP ME PUT ON MY SHOES!
Jen, The IT Crowd
Rarity: I was this close to getting that diamond!
Twilight: (annoyed) You mean...getting rid of that dragon?
Rarity: Oh, yeah...sure.
"The whole Earth may be sucked into hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big 'ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to not care."
— Buffy to Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Chuck's over there tripping out, and talking to a group of unknown synthetic beings living on a planet with wildlife about as deadly as the last one we were on, and the first thing you think is to defend your heterosexuality? What is WRONG with you?!"
—Risky, We Are Our Avatars
"When Ron Artest was a rookie with the Chicago Bulls, he applied for a job at Circuit City to get the employee discount. If you know anything about economics and professional basketball salaries, this is a lot like dismembering only dwarf prostitutes for the plastic bag savings...If Ron Artest was an economist, he would immediately quit to lower his business card expenses. After he joined the Indiana Pacers, Ron started a side job promoting a girl group whose only hit was a Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam cover. He nagged his coach for a month off to pursue this and got suspended for two games. Economically speaking, this the same as taking $200,000 out of the bank to raise money-eating beetles."
[On severe flooding in Melbourne] 'Oh, goody! That means I can go back inside and keep playing Minecraft!'"