Quotes: Faux Affably Evil

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    Anime and Manga 

Oh, hello Ilena. What's wrong? You seem to be missing an arm. Ah, here it is. You can have it back. You really shouldn't leave things lying around.

    Comic Books 

Prometheus: What's The Joker like?
Lex Luthor: Frighteningly sick in the head, but strangely compelling company.
JLA #38

I can say Deadpool, is sadistic, evil, but charming as hell.

    Film - Live-Action 

I know you care about him. I've never seen you like this about anyone, so please don't get me wrong when I tell you that Tom, while being a very nice guy, is the Devil.
Aaron, Broadcast News

    Literature 

His eyes did not smile when his mouth did.
Sansa Stark on Littlefinger, A Song of Ice and Fire

Dracula's smile was persuasive, but behind it were his teeth.

I've adopted a strategy of pleasantness. It turns out that one can perpetrate all manner of heinous villainy under a cloak of courtesy and good cheer. It seems a man will forfeit all sensible self-interest if he finds you affable enough to share your company over a flagon of ale.
Edmund, Fool

His beard and his brows were white, and the cast of his face was mild and wise, but his eyes were as hard as hailstones... Mabruk's semblance of affability vanished like a spark on snow, and with the same sound. His whole face became like his eyes.

While outwardly Tarn seemed charming, Bond got the impression that the charm was less than skin deep. Beneath the surface lay something malignant; an undertow of bleak, unbalanced evil mixed with the undeniable charisma.
SeaFire

Other stories tell how I eat innocent newborns, how I'm ten feet tall, how I breathe fire and have great dragon wings. None of those are wholly accurate. I don't have dragon wings, I don't breathe fire, I only eight feet tall and I've never eaten a newborn that didn't have it coming. My name is Mevolent. What's yours?
Skulduggery Pleasant: Kingdom of the Wicked

Plumm had an amiable look to him, especially when he smiled. The faithful retainer, every man's favorite nuncle, full of chuckles and old sayings and roughspun wisdom. It was all a sham. Those smiles never reached Plumm's eyes, where greed hid behind a veil of caution.
Tyrion Lannister's thoughts about the mercenary Brown Ben Pulmm, A Song of Ice and Fire.

A man like him can be evil to the core, but if he is charismatic and amusing, people will listen to him. They'll even like him.

    Live-Action TV 

[Basil Fawlty]'s an absolutely awful human being. The strange thing about comedy is that if an awful character makes people laugh, people feel affectionate towards him. It's insane because if they had to sit next to him for five minutes at a dinner, they would absolutely not be able to cope with him. They would loathe him. But because he makes them laugh, they think, deep down, he's alright.

He sees the lighter side of everything!

    Theatre 

O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!
My tables, - meet it is I set it down,
That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain.
Hamlet

    Video Games 

Handsome Jack: Jimmy, please make a note: I'm strangling Mister Moorin for bringing up my wife.
Mister Blake: (scribbling) ... Mister Moorin...
Handsome Jack: No, no, Jimmy, choking is something you do when you eat too fast. As I'm crushing Mister Moorin's windpipe with my watch chain, what I'm doing is actually referred to as strangling.

Hoyt: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR FAMILY. It is by my grace that your head isn't impaled on the antenna of my car! Therefore, I would like it if you gave a fuck about Jason Brody!
Vaas: Okay, Hoyt. Okay, alright.
Hoyt: Fantastic! (beat) I am really loving this weather. What's the name of the village down the road? Beras Town? A bunch of native sympathizers. They stole a transportation manifest that's close to my heart. I'd like to pay them a visit. Nice to see you, Vaas.

Forgive me. I don't believe we've met.
Gehn after shooting the player, Riven

James: Charlotte's got Mithras stashed away somewhere safe now. He says Charnel's been summoning demons to aid Marduk.
Charnel: He lies! Do not believe anything he says!
James: ... What if he tells me you're a villain?
Charnel: ... Don't believe anything else he has to say!

    Webcomics 

Jillian was finally coming to realize that Wanda was right about Dame Branch's charm. Her kindness was an act, a weapon, a tool.

When I am finished with this minor interruption, we will resume our gentlemanly negotiation. I will proceed to beat you severely until you agree to do what I ask. I trust you won't take it personally.

Redcloak: Our alliance with Xykon is one of the most important tools we have, and we cannot afford to screw that up. That does NOT mean we should trust him. I know he seems funny and charming, but believe me, when you've seen for yourself the depth to which he'll sink—
(Description Cut to Tsukiko putting on a show of Reanimated Gladiators)
Xykon: I love it, but can we get more silver spandex on those costumes?
(back to)
Redcloak: —you will never sleep well again.

We want to kill you each in a unique and horrible way while the others look on. But first, let's get to know each other.
Shufgar, Schlock Mercenary

    Web Original 

Adrian Brody is some black ops soldier who is literally dropped into a new planet along with other soldiers and killers... They also have a failed plot twist with Topher Grace who plays a humble doctor who is so nice and hasn't killed anyone at all and if you haven't figured out the plot twist by now you haven't seen a movie ever.
Miles Antwiler on Predators

Sure, she steals things that are pretty hard to steal, but then she gives you clues on how to find her, just because it's sportsmanlike.

Don't you know it's dangerous to walk alone at night? Someone like me might find you. Poor girl never saw it coming. Slash across her tummy - stomach contents everywhere! ♥
Viral Renegade

Oh, believe me, I am bad... I just like being polite about it! Ehe!

Vince stands in front of the WCW backdrop claiming that you GCW fans who tuned in disappointed that Gordon and the other guys you enjoyed watching arenít around, will be exposed to "the greatest professional wrestling entertainment in the world today. And if you donít like it, you can kiss my AAAAASSSSSS!" Then he proceeded to make 9-year old Trish Stratus crawl around on all fours and bark like a dog while Linda came out to knee Freddie in the groin.

Of course none of that happened because this is when Vince tried to convince us all what a down-to-earth, nice, wimpy announcer, non-territory-conquering kinda guy he was.

    Western Animation 

Dear Jack:
LOOK BEHIND YOU.
Love,
Aku ♥

    Real Life 

Richie Rich's bratty new-money Canadian cousin Justin Bieber learned a very valuable lesson last Christmas: if you act like a shitty little asshole all year, Santa will put your ass on the naughty list and stuff your stocking full of reindeer turds and dry cleaning coupons. So to make sure he doesn't get put on the naughty list again this year and ensure that Santa brings him the Pooch Patrol he wants, Justin Bieber is doing everything he can to convince us heís no longer a lilí asshole troublemaker... Justin says he was just nervous because he was afraid people would be at home judging him and he didnít want to come off "arrogant or conceited." Yeah, too fucking late.

He also got all ~deep~ by talking about how heís done "pretending" to be someone he's not, and that he's not actually an awful come-to-life canker sore. Basically, the brat that terrorized 2014 was actually just Justin's interpretation of a brat. According to Justin, the real Justin is "kind and loving and gentle and soft." I knew it! I knew he was technically still a baby! Hereís lil' baby Justin on Ellen making strange with Ellen and making me want to barf by talking about his CK baby bits ads.
Michael K., "Justin Bieber Wants You To Know He Was Just Pretending To Be A Little Asshole Last Year"

The candidate sauntered to the lectern with the assurance of a sleepwalker ó and immediately launched into a symphony of snorting and sneering remarks, taking time out in between the superior invective to present herself as just a humble gal with a beefcake husband and a brood of healthy, combat-ready spawn who just happened to be the innocent targets of a communist and probably also homosexual media conspiracy. She appeared to be completely without shame and utterly full of shit, awing a room full of hardened reporters with her sickly-sweet line about the high-school-flame-turned-hubby who, 'five children later,' is 'still my guy.' It was like watching Gidget address the Reichstag.
Matt Taibbi on the 2008 Republican National Convention


Alternative Title(s):

Evilly Affable