Quotes / Faux Affably Evil

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    Anime and Manga 

"Oh, hello Ilena. What's wrong? You seem to be missing an arm. Ah, here it is. You can have it back. You really shouldn't leave things lying around."

"You give the impression of a gentleman... but you are the worst kind of madman."
Kakyoin to Telence T. D'arby, JoJo's Bizarre Adventure

    Comic Books 

Prometheus: What's The Joker like?
Lex Luthor: Frighteningly sick in the head, but strangely compelling company.
JLA #38

    Film - Live-Action 

"I don't want war! All I want is peace! Peace! Peace!...
A little piece of Poland,
A little piece of France,
A little piece of Austria
And Hungary, perchance!
A little slice of Turkey
And all that that entails,
And then a bit of England, Scotland, Ireland and Wales!"
Adolf Hitler, To Be or Not to Be (1983)

"I know you care about him. I've never seen you like this about anyone, so please don't get me wrong when I tell you that Tom, while being a very nice guy, is the Devil."
Aaron, Broadcast News

"Your murderers come with smiles. They come as your friends. People who cared for you all your life."
Henry to Jimmy, GoodFellas

Brett: ...we got into this thing with the best intentions, really. I never—
(Jules shoots the guy on the couch)
Jules: Oh, I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? (Brett stares in horror) I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue. You were saying something about "best intentions"? (Brett remains speechless) What's the matter? Oh, you were finished? Oh, well, allow me to retort: What does Marcellus Wallace look like?


"His eyes did not smile when his mouth did."
Sansa Stark on Littlefinger, A Song of Ice and Fire

"Dracula's smile was persuasive, but behind it were his teeth."

"The important thing is, Hiro, that you have to understand the Mafia way. And the Mafia way is that we pursue larger goals under the guise of personal relationships."
Fisheye, Snow Crash

"His beard and his brows were white, and the cast of his face was mild and wise, but his eyes were as hard as hailstones... Mabruk's semblance of affability vanished like a spark on snow, and with the same sound. His whole face became like his eyes."

"While outwardly Tarn seemed charming, Bond got the impression that the charm was less than skin deep. Beneath the surface lay something malignant; an undertow of bleak, unbalanced evil mixed with the undeniable charisma."

"Other stories tell how I eat innocent newborns, how I'm ten feet tall, how I breathe fire and have great dragon wings. None of those are wholly accurate. I don't have dragon wings, I don't breathe fire, I only eight feet tall and I've never eaten a newborn that didn't have it coming. My name is Mevolent. What's yours?"
Skulduggery Pleasant: Kingdom of the Wicked

"Plumm had an amiable look to him, especially when he smiled. The faithful retainer, every man's favorite nuncle, full of chuckles and old sayings and roughspun wisdom. It was all a sham. Those smiles never reached Plumm's eyes, where greed hid behind a veil of caution."
Tyrion Lannister's thoughts about the mercenary Brown Ben Pulmm, A Song of Ice and Fire.

"I know Murder's the bad guy, and killed lots of people, but you gotta admit he had class. The way he fought... He seemed in control the entire time."

"Arcturus Mengsk. There's a name that is synonymous with terror, betrayal and violence. A living example of the ends justifying the means. The assassin of the Confederacy of Man. The hero of the blasted world of Korhal IV. King of the universe. A savage barbarian who never let anything or anyone get in his way. And yet, he is charming, erudite and intelligent. When you're in his presence you feel that he's really listening to you, that your opinions matter, that you're someone important if you agree with him. It's amazing. I have often wondered if men like Mengsk don't carry around their own reality-warping bubbles, and all who fall in are suddenly transported to another dimension where the hellish things he says and does suddenly make sense. At least, that's the effect he always had on me."
Michael Liberty, Starcraft: Liberty's Crusade

"Please, do keep digging your own grave. I look forward to your splendidly inevitable demise."
Dread Emperor Benevolent the First, A Practical Guide To Evil

"Power tastes best when sweetened by courtesy."
—Roose Bolton, A Song of Ice and Fire

(you must sit down and tell us all about it)
Words spoken in that exact-same bantering tone. He had heard them before, of that there could be no doubt. But had Denker been the one to speak them? Had he?
(tell us everything)
The voice of an urbane man. A cultured man. But there was a threat in the voice. A steel hand in a velvet glove. Yes.
Thibor narrowed his eyes. "Faethor Ferenczy, you play with me as a cat plays with a mouse. Why? You call me your son, offer me your name, your sigils. Yet here I hang in chains, with one friend dead and another dying at my feet. Say it now, you are a madman and I'm your next victim. Isn't it so?"
The other shook his wolfish head. "So little faith," he rumbled, almost sadly. "But we shall see, we shall see."
Necroscope II: Wamphyri

    Live-Action TV 

"He sees the lighter side of everything!"

Kirk: You were notorious, Colonel Green, for striking at your enemies in the midst of negotiating with them.
Green: But that was centuries ago, Captain, and not altogether true! No, there is much I would change now if I could. Don't let prejudice and rumour sway you. *signals men to attack*
Star Trek: The Original Series, "The Savage Curtain"

Bester: Hello, Captain! I hope you don't mind me stopping by to visit. I told the staff we were such good friends; like Holmes and Watson, Reebo and Zooty...
Sheridan: —Fire and water, snake and mongoose..

"How would you feel if I killed your family? [smiling] Oh, that's right, I forgot. I did. Still, two wrongs don't make a right."
Azazel, Supernatural, "Devil's Trap"

The Voice: Shut down the building's backup generator.
Sandra: If the power goes out, that generator is the only thing keeping this call center online! Why shut it down?
The Voice: Because I asked nicely. I can be more emphatic, but people tend to get hurt when that happens.
Person of Interest, "Last Call"

Namtar: You are in no way being diminished. You are being given a gift: you are experiencing a level of intellectual processing few beings ever approach.
Aeryn: I feel what you describe. But... I am slipping away. I feel that too.
Namtar: You must be willing to push off from the riskless shore in order to reach heady new lands.
Aeryn: But as soon as my body reaches the saturation point, you will take the DNA features you desire and discard the rest.
Namtar: I look forward to experiencing the insights you obviously already possess.

"Congratulations. Can you believe this guy?."
Bob Benson, Mad Men

Sherlock: Who are you?!
Moriarty: Jim Moriarty. Hi.

"Good luck on your promotion, Monica."

     Tabletop Games 

It never costs anything to be polite. In fact, it tends to get more cooperation from the people who hire you, the elders who occasionally "ask" you to pull missions, and even your targets. You've distanced yourself from any moral issues that might arise from what you do - it's just a way to get leverage over others by placing something that they value in danger. Of course, you'd never make yourself vulnerable by actually caring about someone else.
—Roleplaying notes for The Bogeyman, Vampire: The Masquerade - Clanbook: Assamite (Revised)


O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!
My tables, - meet it is I set it down,
That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain.

    Video Games 

Bah! You're a traitor to your country and yet you still stand there trying to be eloquent!
King Corlo, Wonder Project J

Handsome Jack: Jimmy, please make a note: I'm strangling Mister Moorin for bringing up my wife.
Mister Blake: (scribbling) Choking... Mister Moorin...
Handsome Jack: No, no, Jimmy, choking is something you do when you eat too fast. As I'm crushing Mister Moorin's windpipe with my watch chain, what I'm doing is actually referred to as strangling.

Hoyt: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR FAMILY. It is by my grace that your head isn't impaled on the antenna of my car! Therefore, I would like it if you gave a fuck about Jason Brody!
Vaas: Okay, Hoyt. Okay, alright.
Hoyt: Fantastic! (beat) I am really loving this weather. What's the name of the village down the road? Beras Town? A bunch of native sympathizers. They stole a transportation manifest that's close to my heart. I'd like to pay them a visit. Nice to see you, Vaas.

"Forgive me. I don't believe we've met."
Gehn after shooting the player, Riven

James: Charlotte's got Mithras stashed away somewhere safe now. He says Charnel's been summoning demons to aid Marduk.
Charnel: He lies! Do not believe anything he says!
James: ... What if he tells me you're a villain?
Charnel: ... Don't believe anything else he has to say!

"Shhhh...it's okay to be afraid."
Scarecrow, Batman: Arkham Knight

"He's actually quite a reasonable man in the way he talks but he's obviously very disturbed."
John Noble referring the above Scarecrow in this interview here.

Creation: You've been on this for too long, Scott. They're barely holding themselves together any-
Scott: WHY?! I have been a good man! We've been good people! Why have you demons come to torture me and my family?!
Creation: I... Um... I- I was saying... That we've gone-
Scott: STOP IGNORING MY QUESTIONS! If I'm going to die, at least I want to know why! Can you at least give me that?!
Creation: (sigh) Look, I'm sorry. It's just the way things have to go. It's just a part of life! Um... for us, I mean...

Hey, kid... Wanna see some magic ? I'm Weber... I've been waiting for you... Today is your lucky day. I've got something really special for you. You're gonna love this. Take good care of it! Heh heh heh...
Weber, just before giving you the Nitroglycerin, Big Bug or Blackmail, Dokapon Kingdom


"Jillian was finally coming to realize that Wanda was right about Dame Branch's charm. Her kindness was an act, a weapon, a tool."

"When I am finished with this minor interruption, we will resume our gentlemanly negotiation. I will proceed to beat you severely until you agree to do what I ask. I trust you won't take it personally."

Redcloak: Our alliance with Xykon is one of the most important tools we have, and we cannot afford to screw that up. That does NOT mean we should trust him. I know he seems funny and charming, but believe me, when you've seen for yourself the depth to which he'll sink—
(Description Cut to Tsukiko putting on a show of Reanimated Gladiators)
Xykon: I love it, but can we get more silver spandex on those costumes?
(back to)
Redcloak: —you will never sleep well again.

We want to kill you each in a unique and horrible way while the others look on. But first, let's get to know each other.
Shufgar, Schlock Mercenary

(Having blown the wall down and standing there with glowing red eyes, pauses to dust herself down with a smile) Oh dear! Sorry about that! I hope I haven't interrupted anything. I just wanted to visit my friend!
Posey, The Sanity Circus

    Web Original 

"Adrian Brody is some black ops soldier who is literally dropped into a new planet along with other soldiers and killers... They also have a failed plot twist with Topher Grace who plays a humble doctor who is so nice and hasn't killed anyone at all and if you haven't figured out the plot twist by now you haven't seen a movie ever."
Miles Antwiler on Predators

"Don't you know it's dangerous to walk alone at night? Someone like me might find you. Poor girl never saw it coming. Slash across her tummy - stomach contents everywhere! ♥ "
Viral Renegade

"Oh, believe me, I am bad... I just like being polite about it! Ehe!"

"Arianaís own mom thought she was going to be a serial killer. She warned us! I bet that wicked child wishes hoes who cross her into the cornfield. The cornfield might seem like itís a nice place since Ariana isnít there, but I doubt she lets her enemies off that easy. Her music probably plays on a loop in the cornfield."
Michael K., "Ariana Grande Latte Really Loves And Appreciates Her Fans (And I Mean The Opposite Of That, Of Course)"

"You look stressed, Vader! You appear to be in pain. You need a vacation-here, take a trip on my train..."
Adolf Hitler, Epic Rap Battles of History, "Adolf Hitler vs. Darth Vader 2"

Shaka Zulu: I've got the strength of a lion and the speed of a cheetah, and we all know you're just a chicken, Caesar.
Julius Caesar: Ooh, can I be a hyena? Because I'm going to laugh when I pave roads with the bones of your goat-herding ass.
Epic Rap Battles of History, "Shaka Zulu vs. Julius Caesar"

"I'm sorry. Every now and then I get these little slips of humanity, but I make sure to crush them as soon as possible."

"But he sat down with Richard Spencer and they had a talk, and Richard Spencer comes in he always doing this thing of 'oh it's nice to meet you', [stutters with "your"] 'I love your work' you know. He comes in and he's very humble and he tries to act like 'I don't mind other people' but as you slowly chip away at him, you really get to the person that he is on the inside."
Korey Coleman, Double Toasted

Vegeta: Don't you understand!? If it didn't grant my wish, then I'm not immortal, and Freeza's going to... g-going to...
Freeza: Oh no, don't mind me. By all means; give me some ideas.

"Dear Chief Replacement, I wanted to send you this friendly little letter to inform you of your imminent demise. If you're curious about the frequency of which I've sent these letters, it is merely to instill as much fear as I can."
Alucard's letter to the new Pope, Hellsing Ultimate Abridged

    Western Animation 

Dear Jack:
Aku ♥

"So sorry, Mr. Simpson. Your house is blocking construction of our new Matlock Expressway. Now, I am a fair man. You will have 72 hours to vacate. At that time we will blow up your house and any remaining Simpsons".
Sideshow Bob, The Simpsons

I could have done that. ...But then I would've never have gotten to see the look on your face when you were tricked by your favorite little Ruby!(disturbingly Un-Evil Laugh)
Navy the Ruby, Steven Universe

Oh, he doesn't change, Orel. That's just his true nature coming out.
Bloberta on Clay Puppington, Moral Orel

    Real Life 

"Charlie was always preaching love. Charlie had no idea what love was. Charlie was so far from love it wasn't even funny. Death is Charlie's trip. It really is."
—Testimony of Paul Watkins, People v. Charles Manson

"That smile. That oily, drippy, disingenuous smile. Itís the kind of smile that lets you know Isiah just got back from grabbing your wifeís ass."
Drew Magary, "The 25 Biggest Sleazebags in Sports!"

Behind his grinning face was the mind of a calculating monster.
—Introduction to a documentary about Idi Amin