Quotes: Faux Affably Evil

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    Anime and Manga 

"Oh, hello Ilena. What's wrong? You seem to be missing an arm. Ah, here it is. You can have it back. You really shouldn't leave things lying around."

    Comic Books 

Prometheus: What's The Joker like?
Lex Luthor: Frighteningly sick in the head, but strangely compelling company.
JLA #38

    Film - Live-Action 

"I know you care about him. I've never seen you like this about anyone, so please don't get me wrong when I tell you that Tom, while being a very nice guy, is the Devil."
Aaron, Broadcast News

    Literature 

"His eyes did not smile when his mouth did."
Sansa Stark on Littlefinger, A Song of Ice and Fire

"Dracula's smile was persuasive, but behind it were his teeth."

"I've adopted a strategy of pleasantness. It turns out that one can perpetrate all manner of heinous villainy under a cloak of courtesy and good cheer. It seems a man will forfeit all sensible self-interest if he finds you affable enough to share your company over a flagon of ale."
Edmund, Fool

"His beard and his brows were white, and the cast of his face was mild and wise, but his eyes were as hard as hailstones... Mabruk's semblance of affability vanished like a spark on snow, and with the same sound. His whole face became like his eyes."

"While outwardly Tarn seemed charming, Bond got the impression that the charm was less than skin deep. Beneath the surface lay something malignant; an undertow of bleak, unbalanced evil mixed with the undeniable charisma."
SeaFire

"Other stories tell how I eat innocent newborns, how I'm ten feet tall, how I breathe fire and have great dragon wings. None of those are wholly accurate. I don't have dragon wings, I don't breathe fire, I only eight feet tall and I've never eaten a newborn that didn't have it coming. My name is Mevolent. What's yours?"
Skulduggery Pleasant: Kingdom of the Wicked

"Plumm had an amiable look to him, especially when he smiled. The faithful retainer, every man's favorite nuncle, full of chuckles and old sayings and roughspun wisdom. It was all a sham. Those smiles never reached Plumm's eyes, where greed hid behind a veil of caution."
Tyrion Lannister's thoughts about the mercenary Brown Ben Pulmm, A Song of Ice and Fire.

    Live-Action TV 

"He sees the lighter side of everything!"

    Theatre 

O villain, villain, smiling, damned villain!
My tables, - meet it is I set it down,
That one may smile, and smile, and be a villain.
Hamlet

    Video Games 

Handsome Jack: Jimmy, please make a note: I'm strangling Mister Moorin for bringing up my wife.
Mister Blake: (scribbling) ... Mister Moorin...
Handsome Jack: No, no, Jimmy, choking is something you do when you eat too fast. As I'm crushing Mister Moorin's windpipe with my watch chain, what I'm doing is actually referred to as strangling.

Hoyt: I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR FAMILY. It is by my grace that your head isn't impaled on the antenna of my car! Therefore, I would like it if you gave a fuck about Jason Brody!
Vaas: Okay, Hoyt. Okay, alright.
Hoyt: Fantastic! (beat) I am really loving this weather. What's the name of the village down the road? Beras Town? A bunch of native sympathizers. They stole a transportation manifest that's close to my heart. I'd like to pay them a visit. Nice to see you, Vaas.

"Forgive me. I don't believe we've met."
Gehn after shooting the player, Riven

James: Charlotte's got Mithras stashed away somewhere safe now. He says Charnel's been summoning demons to aid Marduk.
Charnel: He lies! Do not believe anything he says!
James: ... What if he tells me you're a villain?
Charnel: ... Don't believe anything else he has to say!

    Webcomics 

"Jillian was finally coming to realize that Wanda was right about Dame Branch's charm. Her kindness was an act, a weapon, a tool."

"When I am finished with this minor interruption, we will resume our gentlemanly negotiation. I will proceed to beat you severely until you agree to do what I ask. I trust you won't take it personally."

Redcloak: Our alliance with Xykon is one of the most important tools we have, and we cannot afford to screw that up. That does NOT mean we should trust him. I know he seems funny and charming, but believe me, when you've seen for yourself the depth to which he'll sink—
(Description Cut to Tsukiko putting on a show of Reanimated Gladiators)
Xykon: I love it, but can we get more silver spandex on those costumes?
(back to)
Redcloak: —you will never sleep well again.

We want to kill you each in a unique and horrible way while the others look on. But first, let's get to know each other.
Shufgar, Schlock Mercenary

    Web Original 

"Adrian Brody is some black ops soldier who is literally dropped into a new planet along with other soldiers and killers... They also have a failed plot twist with Topher Grace who plays a humble doctor who is so nice and hasn't killed anyone at all and if you haven't figured out the plot twist by now you haven't seen a movie ever."
Miles Antwiler on Predators

"Sure, she steals things that are pretty hard to steal, but then she gives you clues on how to find her, just because it's sportsmanlike."

"Whether itís the classical music playing in the background, the omelette or the fine suits, Fisk repeatedly asserts his own humanity and civility. No matter where the day takes him, no matter how it plays out, Fisk at least starts the day as a refined and cultured gentleman. It is a lie, but it is no greater a lie than that told by Matt Murdock."

"Don't you know it's dangerous to walk alone at night? Someone like me might find you. Poor girl never saw it coming. Slash across her tummy - stomach contents everywhere! ♥ "
Viral Renegade

"Oh, believe me, I am bad... I just like being polite about it! Ehe!"

"Vince stands in front of the WCW backdrop claiming that you GCW fans who tuned in disappointed that Gordon and the other guys you enjoyed watching arenít around, will be exposed to "the greatest professional wrestling entertainment in the world today. And if you donít like it, you can kiss my AAAAASSSSSS!" Then he proceeded to make 9-year old Trish Stratus crawl around on all fours and bark like a dog while Linda came out to knee Freddie in the groin.

Of course none of that happened because this is when Vince tried to convince us all what a down-to-earth, nice, wimpy announcer, non--territory-conquering kinda guy he was."

"The music career of Ariana Grande, the demon that possessed a talking Bratz doll, isnít even an hour old and the media is already tearing her to shreds for her diva bitch ways. Just in the past few weeks, thereís been stories about how sheís demanding, a complete asshole and will shank a bitch in the throat if they photograph her right side, Even Giuliana Rancic hates her. Well, hereís another story for the pile...while visiting a radio station in Manhattan, Ariana put on a fake smile while signing autographs but as soon as she got into the elevator, she dropped the fakeness and wished death upon them all. Oh, young, evil Ariana, weíre all going to fucking die someday. Itís the fucking circle of fucking life.

This is kind of hilarious, because itís funny when toddlers curse! They sound like adult people, almost! But it isnít not funny when kids wish death upon people. Nope. That shit is scary. Those are the scariest kind of horror movies. Iím laughing now, but I wonít be laughing when stories come out about how Arianaís lipstick is made of the blood of the small creatures she kills in her backyard for fun. Arianaís own mom thought she was going to be a serial killer. She warned us! I bet that wicked child wishes hos who cross her into the cornfield. The cornfield might seem like itís a nice place since Ariana isnít there, but I doubt she lets her enemies off that easy. Her music probably plays on a loop in the cornfield."
Michael K., "Ariana Grande Latte Really Loves And Appreciates Her Fans (And I Mean The Opposite Of That, Of Course)"

    Western Animation 

Dear Jack:
LOOK BEHIND YOU.
Love,
Aku ♥

    Real Life 

"Charlie was always preaching love. Charlie had no idea what love was. Charlie was so far from love it wasn't even funny. Death is Charlie's trip. It really is."
—Testimony of Paul Watkins, People v. Charles Mansion

"The candidate sauntered to the lectern with the assurance of a sleepwalker ó and immediately launched into a symphony of snorting and sneering remarks, taking time out in between the superior invective to present herself as just a humble gal with a beefcake husband and a brood of healthy, combat-ready spawn who just happened to be the innocent targets of a communist and probably also homosexual media conspiracy. She appeared to be completely without shame and utterly full of shit, awing a room full of hardened reporters with her sickly-sweet line about the high-school-flame-turned-hubby who, 'five children later,' is 'still my guy.' It was like watching Gidget address the Reichstag."
Matt Taibbi on the 2008 Republican National Convention


Alternative Title(s):

Evilly Affable