Quotes: Corrupt Corporate Executive

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    Anime and Manga 

Kaiba: So you've got a dweeb army. Am I supposed to be scared to attack?
Dartz: (smirking) Well, only if destroying an innocent soul concerns you.
Kaiba: (smirkier) Naaah. As the President of a major corporation, I have to do that every day.
Yu-Gi-Oh!, "Waking the Dragons" arc

    Comic books 

"I hear you're a conspiracy nut. Well, this is the conspiracy, kid. It ain't ancient gods an' aliens an' coded shit on the dollar bill. It ain't even a secret. It's somethin' ordinary folks do for a livin', every day of the week. It's business."
The Legend, The Boys #19

    Film — Live-action 

"Maniacal laugh. Maniacal laugh."
Tex Richman, The Muppets

"You make history, I make money."
Steven Jacobs, Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Mr. Elkenberry: I didn't inherit money like you did. I started with nothing. And yet I was a millionaire by the time I was 18. Anyone stood in my way, they got hurt. When I was 11 years old, I killed a man.
Arthur: Well, when you're 11, you probably don't even know there's a law against that!
Arthur (1981)

"You know, Burke, I don't know which species is worse. You don't see them fucking each other over for a goddamn percentage."
Ripley, Aliens

Max Shrek: "Power surplus"? Bruce, shame on you. No such thing. One can never have too much power. If my life has a meaning, that's the meaning.
Bruce Wayne: Yeah. Well. I'm gonna fight you on this. And I've already spoken to the Mayor, and we see eye-to-eye, so—
Max Shrek: Mayors come and go. Bluebloods tire easy.

"Killing the indigenous looks bad, but the only thing the shareholders hate more than bad press is a bad quarterly statement."
Parker Selfridge, Avatar

Elliot Carver: Mr. Jones, are we ready to release our new software?
Jones: Yes, sir. As requested, it's full of bugs, which means people will be forced to upgrade for years.
Elliot Carver: Outstanding! Mr. Wallace, call the President. Tell him if he doesn't sign the bill lowering the cable rates, we will release the video of him with the cheerleader in the Chicago motel room.
Mr. Wallace: Inspired, sir.
Elliot Carver: And after he signs the bill, release the tape anyway.
Mr. Wallace: Consider him slimed.

"People wanna live like this, in their cars and big fuckin' houses they can't even pay for — then you're necessary. The only reason that they all get to continue living like kings is cause we got our fingers on the scales in their favor. I take my hand off and then the whole world gets really fuckin' fair really fuckin' quickly, and nobody actually wants that. They say they do, but they don't. They want what we have to give them, but they also wanna, you know, play innocent and pretend they have no idea where it came from. Well, that's more hypocrisy than I'm willing to swallow, so fuck 'em. Fuck normal people."
Will Emerson, Margin Call

Bartleby: You are responsible for raising an icon which draws worship from the Lord. You have broken the first commandment. Not only that, I'm afraid not a-one of you passes for a decent human being. Your continued existence is a mockery of morality. Like you, Mr. Burton. Last year, you cheated on your wife of seventeen years eight times. You even had sex with her best friend while you were supposed to be home watching the kids.
Loki: (gives two thumbs up) In the bed that you and your wife share, no less!
Bartleby: Mr. Newman: you got your girlfriend drunk at last year's Christmas party and then paid a kid from the mail room to have sex with her — while she was passed out — just so you could break up with her guilt-free when she sobbingly confessed in the morning. (She, uh, killed herself three months later.) Mr. Brace disowned his gay son! Very compassionate, Mr. Brace. Mr. Ray put his mother in a third-rate nursing home and then used the profits from the sale of her home to buy an oriental rug for himself. Heavens. Mr. Barker flew to Thailand on the company account to have sex with an eleven-year-old boy. Mr. Holtzman OK'ed the production of Mooby Dolls from materials he knew to be toxic and unsafe, because it was, SURVEY SAYS...! Less costly.
— Two archangels preparing to execute the board of Dis—er, "Mooby", Dogma

Meanwhile the four ugly corporation directors were having a wonderful time. They were running the company all over the place. Twice a day they watered the stock, to keep it fresh. And every Saturday they took a long pair of garden shears and trimmed the dividend. All in all, you would not find a nicer bunch of fellows outside of a police line-up.
The Narrator, The Solid Gold Cadillac

    Film — Animated 

So I'm biggering my company
I'm biggering my factory
I'm biggering my corporate sign
Everybody out there, take care of yours and me?
I'll take care of mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!
(Shake that bottom line)
Let me hear you say 'smogulous smoke'
(smogulous smoke)
Schloppity schlop
(schloppity schlop)
Complain all you want, it's never ever, ever, ever gonna stop
The Once-ler, How Bad Can I Be?, The Lorax

Bob Parr: Are you saying that we shouldn't help our customers?
Gilbert Huph: The law requires that I answer "no."


"After all, what could a master criminal buy? There was a shortage of seaside properties with real lava flows near a reliable source of piranhas, and the world sure as hell didn't need another Dark Lord, not with Gilt doing so well. Gilt didnít need a tower with ten thousand trolls camped outside. He just needed a ledger and a sharp mind. It worked better, was cheaper and he could go out and party at night."
Going Postal gives us the obligatory Pratchett quote

"I live in the Managerial Age, in a world of "Admin." The greatest evil is not now done in those sordid "dens of crime" that Dickens loved to paint. It is not done even in concentration camps and labour camps. In those we see its final result. But it is conceived and ordered (moved, seconded, carried, and minuted) in clean, carpeted, warmed and well-lighted offices, by quiet men with white collars and cut fingernails and smooth-shaven cheeks who do not need to raise their voices. Hence, naturally enough, my symbol for Hell is something like the bureaucracy of a police state or the office of a thoroughly nasty business concern."
The Screwtape Letters (preface)

    Live-action TV 

"My God! ISO 9001 Certification is a license to kill!"

"This isn't Wall Street, this is Hell! We have a little something called "integrity.""
Crowley, Supernatural

Richfield: Oh, don't turn into one of those environmental doomsayers, Sinclair. Boo-hoo, it's raining acid, there's a hole in the ozone, you're hurting Flipper! Bah! Bunch of tree hugging pantywaists! They're always standing in the way of profits and it's our job to pave right over them!
Earl: I think you're missing the point, sir. The world may be coming to an end!
Richfield: Well, that's a fourth quarter problem.

Morgus: Those without valid employment cards will be shipped off to the eastern labour camps.
President: Of course, the irony is while you've been closing plants here in the west, you've been building them in the east. So if the unemployed were sent to the eastern labour camps, a great many of them would be working for you again, only this time without payment.
Morgus: (innocently) I hadn't thought of that.
President: Of course you hadn't.


I built a little empire out of some crazy garbage
Culled the blood of the exploited working class
But now they've overcome their shyness and they're calling Your Highness
And saying 'kiss me, son of God'
They Might Be Giants, "Kiss Me, Son of God"

You can wheel and deal the best of them
Steal it from the rest of them
You know the score
Their ethics are a bore..."
Ray Stevens,"Mr. Businessman"

There's a man going around in the town
Spreading lies
He's the bad businessman
Does his business while he can
He just does his business bad
Squirrel Nut Zippers - Bad Businessman

"The markets are free! So much money for me! Tell me, why should I care for peace and love?!"
Pig With The Face Of A Boy, Soviet Tetris

    Newspaper comics 

Asok: Wally, I've discovered a deadly security flaw in our product. Who should I inform?
Wally: No one. The stock market would plunge. We'd have massive layoffs. Your career will be ruined.
Asok: But my negligence could cause the death of a dozen customers.
Wally: The first dozen is always the hardest.

    Professional wrestling 

"I prey on the innocent. It's how I made my fortune, and, quite frankly, it's fun."
John Bradshaw Layfield, WWE Monday Night Raw

    Tabletop games 

"We chase and shout after the man who steals your basket of eggs. The wiser thief is the man who manipulates us into buying goods we need at his shop and overcharges us a copper piece every time he can. He takes much more from us all, without ever having to run anywhere or suffer our anger. Indeed, sometimes we praise him for providing what we want or need, and never look past his welcoming smile."


"There are so many things I remember
From the deeply revered days of old
When living was gentle and gracious
And working folk did as they're told.

They were wonderful days, I remember,
When a feller could live like a king;
And children were working in coal mines
And life was a beautiful thing.

But the fortunes of mankind are changing;
Things aren't what they were anymore;
And although I'm in no way complaining,
By Harris and Tweed, I preferred it before."

    Video Games 

"The unfiltered starlight from the lovely constellations above is full of deadly radiation! Help yourself to our complimentary SPF 3000 starblock. And by 'complimentary', I mean 'quite expensive'."
Dr. Eggman, via the PA system, Sonic Colors

"New York disappeared behind a veil of snow. I had crossed the threshold. This was her domain. Sleek and sexy and souless, all glass and steel. A place of color-coded security keycards, metal detectors and surveillance systems. Colder than a walk-in fridge...Cold as a gun."

    Web Animation 

"Weyland-Yutani now of the opinion that an uncontrollable biological weapon that reliably wipes out their science teams en masse is totally worth openly declaring war on their own country's military for. Christ knows how Weyland-Yutani spent their time before the Aliens were discovered; probably threw children on piles of burning money."


Ansem: We need to kick off 2009 with a bang. Something that will remind people how evil FOX truly is. I mean something that would make Sauron jealous. Just pure evil.
[Cut to a courtroom]
Judge: I hereby award the rights to Watchmen to FOX studios.

Florence: So you're saying we should go to the company C.E.O. and appeal to his generosity and nobility instead of his greed?
Sawtooth: Psst. Florence. Go with the greed.

    Web Original 

Cash Equals Orgasm.

Constantly Having Every Vehicle Recalled Over Lousy Engineering Techniques

culture: Some bullshit that corporations like to throw around to pretend not to be either evil or incompetent. Either that or they are just blindly copying other corporations lead in newspeak...This culture Bullshit is brought to you by the same people that decided employees are associates.
Urban Dictionary again

"Celebrities of all sorts are escorted through the halls, performing in conference rooms—it is one of the few perks of a place that cuts muffins in half at company All-Hands meetings to save money."
Gawker, "I Do Not Know One Person Who is Happy at Amazon"

"Iím surprised they didnít say, 'No, Tracyís limo ran into OUR truck. It ran into OUR truck ten times!' But Iím sure theyíll settle, and then the evil minions of Lucifer who run Walmart will roll-forward prices a little bit, because itís not like that settlement money is going to come out of their year-end bonuses."
Michael K. on Tracy Morgan's motor vehicle accident

"If corporations are people then why can't I punch one in the fucking face?"
Eric Gloria Ryan, Jezebel

"I have never understood Donald Trumpís involvement in wrestling. He is always presented as a face counterpart to Vince McMahonís evil billionaire character, but the facts tell a different, much darker story. While the wrestling persona Mr. McMahon once made Trish Stratus strip and bark like a dog on television, the real-life Donald Trump once tried to demolish a little old ladyís house and turn it into parking space."

"Nothing is worth standing by and letting Sepp Blatter—a truly revolting creature—bulldoze neighborhoods and grab asses and snort powdered gold as he sees fit... We should demand FIFA move the tournament somewhere where the games will be played in the summer and only, like, 20 people die instead of 4,000. That's the more reasonable level of corruption. That's the Roger Goodell level."
Drew Magary, "The USMNT Should Boycott The 2022 World Cup"

    Web video 

"I wonder if the CEO just rubs himself with money."
Gordon Freeman, Freeman's Mind

"You gotta understand the dystopic cyberpunk future that Microsoft's doing business in... they're trying to cripple the retail side of the gaming industry and scrape even more jobs away from the American economy."
George Weidman, X Box One: It's One More Reason Not to Get Hyped"

"Rumours of Konami pursuing petty, vindictive grudges against the people with which it associates have floated around the industry for years, as the company salts the earth and burns bridges everywhere it goes. Between the rumours floating around and my own personal insights into the company, Konami is a place ruled by egos and ruled by bitterness."

"Lampert took the myth that humans perform best when acting selfishly as gospel, pitting Sears company managers against each other in a kind of Lord of the Flies death match. This, he believed, would cause them to act rationally and boost performance.

If you think that sounds batshit crazy, congratulations. You understand more than most of Americaís business school graduates."
Lynn Parramore on Kmart CEO "Crazy Eddie" Lampert

"I know this is supposed to be an evil corporation, but having actual pure, elemental evil lying around seems to be slight overkill."
Evil Tim, Let's Play Shinobi, Stage 6-A

    Western animation 

Lex Luthor / Brainiac: I'm about to get everything I ever wanted. Power! Ultimate knowledge! Immortality!
Superman: And you'll destroy the Earth to get it?
Luthor: It's business, Superman. There are always trade-offs.
- Justice League Unlimited

I'd do it in a minute
If I could write off your murder
I'd save all of my receipts
Because I'd rather you be dead
Than lose a tiny shred of what I made this fiscal year
I'd rather you be dead than ponder parting with my second home
I'd rather you be dead than consider not opening a restaurant
I'd rather you be dead

"Family, religion, friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business."
Charles Montgomery Burns, The Simpsons

    Real life 

"Behind every great fortune lies a great crime."

"Whenever I saw a negative article about Gore, I put it in with the paychecks of my 8,000 employees. I had my managers do a survey on every employee. If they liked Bush, we made them register to vote...he would win by 527 votes. Afterward, we did a survey among the employees to find out who voted who wouldnít have otherwise. One thousand of them said so."
David Siegel explains how billionaires cast their votes