Quotes / Corrupt Church

The Bible

"...make not my Father's house a house of merchandise."

— John 2:16

Someone might argue, "If my falsehood enhances God's truthfulness and so increases his glory, why am I still condemned as a sinner?" Why not say — as we are being slanderously reported as saying and as some claim that we say — "Let us do evil that good may result?" Their condemnation is deserved.

— Romans 3:7-8

From the prophet even to the priest, Everyone deals falsely.

— Jeremiah 8:10

Its heads give judgment for a bribe; its priests teach for a price; its prophets practice divination for money; yet they lean on the LORD and say, "Is not the LORD in the midst of us? No disaster shall come upon us.

— Micah 3:11

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Anime & Manga

Jane: Sanctuary! I need sanctuary!
Edna: What the hell is your problem?! Don't you remember what Jesus said in Luke 11? "Don't trouble me — the door is locked". Got that, bitch?
Jane: B-but this is a church, isn't it?!
Edna: So what? God's not in today. He's on vacation in Vegas, all right?

— Black Lagoon, "Greenback Jane"

Film — Live-action

"IT'S NOT A FUCKIN' BOOK! It's a weapon. A weapon aimed right at the hearts and minds of the weak and the desperate. It will give us control of them. If we want to rule more than one small fuckin' town, we have to have it. People will come from all over, they'll do exactly what I tell 'em if the words are from the book. It's happened before and it'll happen again. All we need is that book."

— Carnegie, The Book of Eli

Marty Baron: We need to focus on the institution, not the individual priests. Practice and policy; show me the church manipulated the system so that these guys wouldn't have to face charges, show me they put those same priests back into parishes time and time again. Show me this was systemic, that it came from the top down.
Ben Bradlee, Jr.: Sounds like we're going after Law.
Marty: We're going after the system.

— Spotlight

Mike Rezendes: Mitch, are you telling me that the Catholic Church removed legal documents from that courthouse?
Mitchell Garabedian: Look, I'm not crazy, I'm not paranoid. I'm experienced. Check the docket. You'll see. They control everything.

— Spotlight

Mike Rezendes: So, I can just walk into that courtroom right now and get those documents?
Mitchell Garabedian: No, you cannot. Because the documents are not there.
Rezendes: But you just said they're public.
Garabedian: I know I did. But this is Boston. And the church does not want them to be found. So, they are not there.

— Spotlight

Literature

"Prophets impose their own opinions,
Convince themselves, and boss their minions,
pronounce, and then to all they say:
'God has ordained – you must obey!'"

— William Auld, La infana raso

"Men have been enslaving each other since they invented gods to forgive themselves for it."

— Adam, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

"Faith moves mountains...of inventory."

— Ferengi Rule of Acquisition #104

"Once upon a time, Christianity created its own enemy and called it Satanism. Everything was a matter of good and evil, plain and simple, black and white . . . but this is a gray world. The two extremes, Christ and Satan, finally merged in the Christian militia. There was always a powerful attraction there; now it's been fulfilled. Christ and Anti-Christ in one. Only took two thousand years."

— Seal, Dads Nuke

"If the Divine call does not make us better, it will make us very much worse. Of all bad men religious bad men are the worst. Of all created beings the wickedest is one who originally stood in the immediate presence of God."

— C. S. Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms

"I do believe in Christianity, and my impression is that a system must be divine which has survived so much insane mismanagement."

— G. K. Chesterton, Superstition and Modern Justice

"The Catholic Church is an institution I am bound to hold divine — but for unbelievers a proof of its divinity might be found in the fact that no merely human institution conducted with such knavish imbecility would have lasted a fortnight."

— Hilaire Belloc to Anglican clergyman William Temple, quoted in Robert Speaight's The Life of Hilaire Belloc

"Every Catholic knows that his Church is a splendidly happy-go-lucky-affair — often haphazard, with sometimes internal quarrels — and that it would not hold together for ten years if there were not supernatural life and unity in this Divine Church."

— Msgr Ronald Knox, from University and Anglican Sermons

Live-Action TV

"God's blessing has its price."

— Rodrigo Borgia, The Borgias

Rosanna Scotto: Don't you think you went a little too far with the Catholic Church jokes?
Bill Burr: Don't you think the Catholic Church went a little too far?

-Good Day New York

Music

So you need a new car?
Let your fingers take a walk
Through the business guide
For the 'Born Again' flock
You'll be keeping all your money
In the Kingdom now
And you'll only drink milk
From a Christian cow

— Steve Taylor, "Guilt By Association"

And here’s to the churches of Mississippi
Where the cross, once made of silver, now is caked with rust
And the Sunday morning sermons pander to their lust
The fallen face of Jesus is choking in the dust
Heaven only knows in which God they can trust

— Phil Ochs, "Here’s to the State of Mississippi"

He's got twenty million dollars
In his Heavenly Bank Account
All from those chumps who was
"Born Again"
He's got seven limousines
And a private plane
All for the use of his
Special friends

— Frank Zappa, "Heavenly Bank Account"

See ten thousand ministries.
See the holy, righteous dogs.
They claim to heal, but all they do is steal,
Abuse your faith, cheat, and rob.
If God is wise, why is He still,
When these false prophets call Him friend?
Why is He silent? Is He blind?
Are we abandoned in the end?

— Motörhead, "God Was Never on Your Side"

Media: I run it, politicians, I own 'em,
Wars I don't condone but I still bankroll 'em!
Wait! Uhh...I mean allegedly!
'Cause what goes on in my ledger you're not allowed to see!
Not a man, woman or child, nation or country
Has the authority to stand up to me!
Because I got a little thing called National Sovereignty,
It was awarded to me by this cat named Mussolini!
You remember, Hitler's buddy back from World War Two?
He said "you didn't see the Holocaust"
I said "holla who?"
I got a tax-free country just for playin' along,
And when you're this close to God, nothing you do is wrong!
Infallible! Say it with a straight face!
That's right, my God backs up every single word that I say
'Cause he's not some old guy living up in the clouds,
He's here on Earth, in my wallet and my bank accounts!

— The Pope, "Pope Rap", Trevor Moore: Drunk Texts to Myself

Tabletop Games

"We have no need for military might. We wield two of the sharpest swords ever forged: Faith in our left hand, Wealth in our right."

— Vuliev of the Ghost Council, Flavor Text for Castigate, Magic: The Gathering

Theatre

Gabrielle: Has anyone talked to the Bishop?
Countesss: Nowadays, only money talks to the Bishop.

— The Madwoman of Chaillot

Video Games

Elizabeth: Fifty percent of everything people earn here goes directly to Comstock as a tithe.
Booker: I gotta get me a job in the prophet business.

— Bioshock Infinite

Dante Alighieri: The Bishop assured us that our sins would be absolved!
Lucifer: And you believed him? You actually believed these salesmen of salvation?

— Dante's Inferno

"People want to be told how to act. Most people are idiots, and that's exactly who my teachings appeal to!"

— Pastor Richards, Pressing Issues (GTA Radio)

Priest: Is God a jar of strawberry preserves, a size 12 sneaker, a footlong Hogie, an all-expense paid trip to Brazil, or a NEWWW CARRRRR!?
Choice number 6: None of the above, it's a trick question.
Priest: Oh, I'm so sorry. He is in fact an all-expense paid trip to Brazil. You have not seen the light, my son... but we shall open your eyes... even if we must shut them first...

— Harvester

Web Original

Poverty: The vow taken by members of the Roman Catholic Church (you know them, right? Biggest land-owners on the planet?)
syn: bullshit

— Urban Dictionary

The Saints defended themselves by saying they were encouraging the Archdiocese to be open and honest about their crimes, which is ironic when you consider that they concealed their PR work for the Church for fucking years, only acknowledged their role in the scandal AFTER the news broke, and are still fighting in court to keep their communications with the church confidential...The obvious question is why would the Saints DO any of this shit? Well the answer is because owner Gayle Benson is the kind of devout Catholic whose devotion long ago spilled over into cultist derangement. She’s also a billionaire, and no billionaire can resist the opportunity to help orchestrate and/or cover up human rights violations.

— Drew Magary, "Why Your Team Sucks 2020: New Orleans Saints"

Western Animation

Blue Fangs: Your God's love is not unconditional. He does not love us, and He does not love you.
Bishop: I have done His bidding. My life's work is in His name.
Blue Fangs: Your life's work makes Him puke.

— Castlevania (2017), "Monument"

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