Quotes: Awesome Ego

I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you over the sound of how AWESOME I am.

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    Film — Live-action 

Haymitch: He won the games at 14. Youngest ever. Extremely humble.
Katniss: You're kidding.
Haymitch: Yes, I'm kidding. He's a peacock, a total preener. But he's the Capitol darling, they love him here.
— On Finnick Odair, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

    Literature 

It just told me what I knew all the time. I'm a really great and terrific guy. Didn't I tell you, baby, I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox!
Zaphod Beeblebrox, on surviving the Total Perspective Vortex in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

Conceit is a good trait to have. An overblown sense of one’s own abilities can be worthwhile, if you’re prepared to try to live up to it.
Taylor Hebert, Worm

I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. I have not got one who is a fool. They are all men of some intellectual power, and consequently they all appreciate me.

If I sometimes seem to take too great pride in my fighting ability, it must be remembered that fighting is my vocation. If your vocation be shoeing horses, or painting pictures, and you can do one or the other better than your fellows, then you are a fool if you are not proud of your ability. And so I am very proud that upon two planets no greater fighter has ever lived than John Carter, Prince of Helium.
John Carter in The Warlord of Mars

You tell your lies and you think nobody knows. But there are two people who know. Yes, two people. One is Le Bon Dieu. And the other is Hercule Poirot.

    Live-action TV 

Einstein's Twin Paradox: A New Interpretation. — Dana Scully, Senior Thesis. Now that’s a credential. Rewriting Einstein.
Fox Mulder, The X-Files ("Pilot")

(to the room) People seem to be talking over me. It's fascinating, and rare. And forbidden.
Allen Shapiro, Torchwood: Miracle Day

Odo: How did you get in here?
Koloth: I am Koloth.
Odo: That doesn't answer my question.
Koloth: Yes, it does.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Blood Oath"

Third Doctor: Liz was a highly-trained scientist. I want someone with the same qualifications!
Brigadier: Nonsense. What you need, Doctor, as Miss Shaw herself so often remarked, is someone to pass you your test tubes and to tell you how brilliant you are.

You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, 'Who's that?' St. Peter says, 'Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane.
Denny Crane, Boston Legal

    music 

A hundred muthafuckas can't tell me nuthin'
Nicki Minaj, "Beez in the Trap"

U're so cool
Everything u do is success
Make the rules
Then break them all cuz u are the best
Prince, "Cream"

    Podcasts 

Mike: The mask is important, because it is a William Shatner Star Trek mask that they painted white.
Jay: Has William Shatner ever commented on that?
Mike: He has. We saw him live, and I think he mentioned that.
Rich: He was too busy explaining how he invented NASA.
Mike: He inspired man to go to the moon.

    Professional Wrestling 

Well, brother, we're lightening the load around here. We're trimming the fat. We're thinning the herd. I mean, you know, it's pathetic. It's pathetic, that Dixie [Carter] would let this company get in the shape it's in. It's her train of thought. Raven? Who hasn't had a damn shower or bath? RVD, and that whole crew out there? They meant to professional wrestling what Hulk Hogan, who sold out Shea Stadium? who put 94,000 people in the Pontiac Silverdome? who slammed a 700-pound giant? They mean to professional wrestling what Hulk Hogan means?
Hulk Hogan, erm, "promoting" TNA (ReAction, 11.18.10)

    Video games 

This is me. I am amazing.
Zemouregal's note on himself note , RuneScape

    Web Animation 

I need an ego this big to accommodate how amazing I am.
Sam Sweetmilk

It comes and goes in and out of its own butt the whole way through...I found myself thinking, If this ends with us meeting God, and God looks like Ken Levine, then I'm gonna fucking punch someone.

But you know what? If it isn't boring and gives us something to talk about then it can't be bad. And Infinite isn't bad. It's good; perhaps even great.

Y'see, sometimes it's kinda nice to be up somebody's butt — if it's cosy, and warm, and they've put some interesting conversation pieces up there.

    Web Original 

I don't think I'm being overly dramatic when I say this desperate world needed heroes and all those heroes are me.

Another fine New Year’s Eve for yours truly, as Nicholson and I ventured to the cliffs of exotic MAJORCA for some much-needed rest and relaxation and aspirin-snorting. At one point, Irish got so drunk that he stripped down naked, climbed up one of the island’s cliff faces, and pointed to a pebble on the beach below! ‘See that pebble?’ he said. Then he starts masturbating feverishly! I haven’t seen such flagrant abuse since John Huston directed his last picture! And after two minutes of pounding away, Irish lets rip a pint of fluid that lands directly onto that tiny little pebble. BULLSEYE. Then he climbs back down the cliff face, gives me a wink, and says… ‘I’m still perfect, Evans. No fucking resolutions for Nicholson.’ And he walked off. I think he was later arrested.
—"Robert Evans", Deadspin

Robert Klein is actually quite good as Roger, the phenomenally egotistical director. Generally, one doesn’t expect a good performance from a stand-up comic, but Klein proves to be a very amusing asshole. Although, I’ve seen interviews with the man and while he’s very funny, he also seems to be his own biggest fan, so this performance might not have been 100% acting.
The Agony Booth on Hooper (1978)

Aaron Sorkin knows the weight of last words, and his last words to me, as we walk-and-talk out of the HBO press room, are: “Write something nice.” He says this in the “Smile, honey” tone of much less successful jerks. It’s not advice the Oscar-winning, show-bossing Jonathan Franzen of screenwriting would take himself...“Listen here, Internet girl,” he says, getting up. “It wouldn’t kill you to watch a film or pick up a newspaper once in a while.” I’m not sure how he’s forgotten that I am writing for a newspaper; looking over the publicist’s shoulder, I see that every reporter is from a print publication. I remind him. I say also, factually, “I have a New York Times subscription and an HBO subscription. Any other advice?”

He looks surprised, then high-fives me. Being not a person who high-fives or generally makes physical contact with interview subjects, I look more surprised.

“I’m sick of girls who don’t know how to high-five,” he says. He makes me try to do it “properly,” six times. He also makes me laugh; I’m nervous, and it’s so absurd. He loves it. He says, “Let me manhandle you.” Then he ambles off, hoping I’ll write something nice, as though he has never known how the news works, how many stories can be true.

History will remember him very well in terms of his contribution as a footballer. He'll also be seen as petulant, egotistical and stubborn but he's been a wonderful player.
Andy Mitten, fanzine editor, on Cristiano Ronaldo's record breaking $130m transfer from Manchester United to Real Madrid

Vince McMahon initially pissed off everyone in wrestling by completely taking over and destroying 95% of the other territories. Vince told all wrestling promoters to fuck off with their old fashioned rules and they couldn't compete with him. He also fucked all their wives and mistresses
Taimapedia

For as much as we mock him, let it be known I truly believe that Vince McMahon is the greatest wrestling promoter in the history of this planet. Also, I think he was, during the feud with Austin, the best heel in the business by far. No matter what has happened in recent years, no one will be able to ever either of those accolades away from him. Continuing my Vince lovefest for a moment, I’ll add that I think the fact that he really did have to fight and scrap for things early in his career has led him to believe that others don’t try as hard as he did. And he may be right.

But this doesn’t counter the primary issue here today: that he doesn’t truly allow his talent to reach the top.

You can argue for hours, days even, about Lee’s proper place in history, about whether he deserves the starry eyed admiration of the general public who think he’s the sole creator of everything there was in the Marvel Universe and whose shoulders bore the monumental, nearly unthinkable task of scripting every single classic of the early days of Marvel, or whether he deserves the scorn of the Kirby and Ditko partisans who see him as a funky flash-man who attached himself like a parasite to more talented artists and then used them to catapult himself (and only himself) into the spotlight every chance he got. I think the truth of that is somewhere in the middle, but there’s one thing you can say about Lee that I don’t think anyone’s going to dispute: He’s the ultimate salesman. Lee is, to this day, a self-promoter of unfathomable skill, and in those early days of Marvel, he was in his prime. He was not there to make friends. He was, in fact, there to make enemies.
Chris Sims on Stan Lee

In this story Davison’s supposed 'blandness' — a trait that really tends to mean his tendency not to recklessly steal scenes from everyone around him — is largely a benefit, simply because it means everyone can be on about the same footing in the big shared scene at the end. Whereas, let’s face it, the scene would have been harmed by inserting a Tom Baker sized ego into it.

Still, his absence is palpable here. I remember being crushed when I put the tape in for the first time, thinking I’d finally get my third Tom Baker story, then being doubly thrilled to see that I was going to get my first Romana story, then finding out that they weren’t really in it and it was just old footage from Shada. Delightful footage, of course, but still, only a fragment.
Dr. Phil Sandifer on Doctor Who ("The Five Doctors")

I’m sure Kanye West looked at these two covers and thought: “I’m sorry, why is American Hustle’s head bigger than mine? I was told my head would take up at least 89% of the cover, and I see it has not. You’re still able to see the word TIME. This is bullshit. Kim, get Stefan Sagmeister on the phone, I wanna design a new cover.
DListed, "Kanye West And Bradley Cooper Are Some Of The Most Influential People, According To TIME"

Now Frances Bean has gone and done it! Liam Gallagher’s swollen, pus-filled, throbbing ego is already the size of Cisco Adler’s nutsack and it’s going to grow at least five hundred times its size when he finds out that Kurt Cobain’s daughter likes Oasis more than Nirvana. According to this extremely accurate (I’m sure) Yahoo! Answer, if the planet’s land was divided up equally among every living human, we’d each get around 6 acres. But since Liam Gallagher’s ego will soon take up half of the planet, we’d be lucky to get 3 acres each. Thanks, Frances Bean!
Michael K., "Francis Bean Isn't Really Into Nirvana"

He gladly gives the spotlight ('This is your turn to shine') to Orianthi Panagaris, a 24-year-old Australian virtuoso guitarist always seen chewing gum. When you’ve played onstage with Steve Vai at age 15, you can probably get away with chewing gum in front of the King of Pop.
Rob Gonsalves on Michael Jackson's This Is It

The Grammy Museum (yes, there's a Grammy museum) in L.A. just opened an exhibit called The Taylor Swift Experience and who should stop by but the subject herself, Ms. Taylor Swift...Yes, very embarrassing to dance to your own tunes. (Equally embarrassing: Counting all your money, buying another mansion, having your own retrospective museum exhibit at 25—the list goes on and on.)
Madeleine Davies, "Taylor Swift Dances to Taylor Swift at Taylor Swift Exhibit"

I briefly interviewed Gore Vidal once... Books for the Reagan years? He sighed, “I haven’t a clue.”

Wait a minute, I said, we talked about this on the phone just a few days ago so you’ve had time to think about it. Now would be a great time to think harder. (I was more polite than that, but you get the idea.)

After a second or two of brow-furrowing thought, he said, “No, nothing’s coming to mind.”

Pay for the crew was ticking into overtime. I felt beads of sweat — or blood — breaking out on my forehead. Disaster. And then I realized: he was toying with me, letting me twist slowly in the wind. Slightly mean, but only slightly, because after a few more moments of paralyzing silence, he suddenly took pity and said, “Okay. I’ll give you two takes. The first will be a minute; the other, thirty seconds.” And they were. And they were flawless.

    Real Life 

If ya done it, it ain't braggin'.

To me, Orson is so much like a destitute king. A ‘destitute’ king, not because he was thrown away from the kingdom, but on this earth, the way the world is, there is no kingdom good enough for Orson Welles.
Jeanne Moreau

Talent is not an excuse for bad manners...it does not give you the right to step on people and treat them rotten. This is what he does occasionally.
Sammy Davis Jr on Frank Sinatra, The Jack Eigen Show

Madonna: Thanks for coming.
Kevin Costner: We thought it was neat.
Madonna: "Neat"?
Costner: Really neat.
Madonna: No one’s ever described it as that. (Costner leaves) 'Neat'. Anybody who says my show is neat has to go.
Truth or Dare

I went up to Prince and said, 'I'm a big fan of your stuff,' and he looked at me and just walked off... left me standing there like a twat. He's a prat, but he's a clever prat.

It ain't braggin', motherfucker, if ya back it up.

I’m now at an age when I should no longer be making music. Many composers of classical music died at 34. And I’m still here, and nobody knows what to do with me. With luck I will be able to stop singing forever, which would make many people happy.
Morrissey on being diagnosed with cancer

You are all wrong.
Werner Herzog responding to booing crowds at the Berlin Film Festival, who disapproved of his Lessons of Darkness (1992)

I had just finished filming Last of the Red Hot Lovers when Bob called me one day at home. 'Sally, do you want to be in my picture after next?' he asked. 'Only if it's a good part,' I said. He hung up on me.
Sally Kellerman on Robert Altman

I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.

I want to thank you for stopping the applause. It is impossible for me to look humble for any period of time.
Henry Kissinger

The end result was: I decided I could write something better than anything out there in two weeks... and I was right.
Linus Torvalds, Google tech talk on git (around 12:10)

At the lunch, Chevy went on to claim he invented every funny thing that ever happened in the history of not just comedy, but also the known world.
Kevin Smith on meeting Chevy Chase

Show me someone without an ego, and I'll show you a loser.

Fascinatingly confident, rude people are great.

We have a friendship of sorts. Publicly he has zero humility. He would never say anything nice about anyone. He's incredibly competitive and it's not enough that he be the best, everyone else has to die horribly.