Quotes / Awesome Ego

"I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you over the sound of how AWESOME I am."

— Internet meme

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Anime & Manga

"Apologize to me, that you were born into my world."

— Escanor, The Seven Deadly Sins

Comic Books

"I am incapable of error. There is nothing I need worry on, for I am Thanos. And Thanos is supreme."

— Thanos, The Infinity Gauntlet

"One of the reasons I'm so awesome is I make sure credit is given where it's due."

— Sonic the Hedgehog, Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW), "Sonic the Hedgehog's 900th Adventure"

Film — Animated

"Of course you lost. I'm awesome."

— Rainbow Dash, My Little Pony: Equestria Girls

Film — Live-Action

"Sometimes when I think of how good my book is going to be, I can't breathe."

— Truman Capote, Capote

"Listen, kid. There's two things you don't know about the earth. One is me. And the other is Godzilla."

— Captain Gordon, Godzilla: Final Wars

Haymitch: He won the games at 14. Youngest ever. Extremely humble.
Katniss: You're kidding.
Haymitch: Yes, I'm kidding. He's a peacock, a total preener. But he's the Capitol darling, they love him here.

— On Finnick Odair, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

"I'm clearly a lot smarter than you, and have planned this to perfection."

— Dalton Russell, Inside Man

Lando: You might wanna quit while you're ahead.
Han: You might wanna quit while you're behind.

— On a game of sabacc that Lando is losing, Solo

Bloodsport: No one likes a showoff.
Peacemaker: Unless what they're showing off is dope as FUCK!
Bloodsport: Fuck. That's true.

— The Suicide Squad

Literature

"She wanted Aeron here with her, yes, but he apparently needed time away to reflect on how lucky he actually was to have her. That wasn’t egotistical of her, she told herself. Truth was never egotistical."

— The Darkest Passion, by Gena Showalter

Snape: My Lord, you have performed extraordinary magic with that wand.
Lord Voldemort: No, I have performed my usual magic. I am extraordinary.

— Harry Potter

"You tell your lies and you think nobody knows. But there are two people who know. Yes, two people. One is Le Bon Dieu. And the other is Hercule Poirot."

— Hercule Poirot

"I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. I have not got one who is a fool. They are all men of some intellectual power, and consequently they all appreciate me."

— Lord Henry, The Picture of Dorian Gray

"It just told me what I knew all the time. I'm a really great and terrific guy. Didn't I tell you, baby, I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox!"

— Zaphod Beeblebrox (on surviving the Total Perspective Vortex), The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

"If I sometimes seem to take too great pride in my fighting ability, it must be remembered that fighting is my vocation. If your vocation be shoeing horses, or painting pictures, and you can do one or the other better than your fellows, then you are a fool if you are not proud of your ability. And so I am very proud that upon two planets no greater fighter has ever lived than John Carter, Prince of Helium."

— John Carter, The Warlord of Mars

"Conceit is a good trait to have. An overblown sense of one's own abilities can be worthwhile, if you're prepared to try to live up to it."

— Taylor Hebert, Worm

Live-Action TV

"You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, 'Who's that?' St. Peter says, 'Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."

— Denny Crane, Boston Legal

Third Doctor: Liz was a highly-trained scientist. I want someone with the same qualifications!
Brigadier: Nonsense. What you need, Doctor, as Miss Shaw herself so often remarked, is someone to pass you your test tubes and to tell you how brilliant you are.

— Doctor Who, "Terror of the Autons"

"I'm the Doctor and we're in the biggest library in the universe. Look me up."

— Tenth Doctor, Doctor Who, "Silence in the Library"

Eleventh Doctor: Excuse me, I'm up here being terribly clever and there's nobody to stand around looking impressed. What's the point in having you all?
River Song: Don't you just want to slap him sometimes?

— Doctor Who, "The Impossible Astronaut"

"Surely just being around me makes you all cleverer by osmosis."

— Twelfth Doctor:, Doctor Who, "Under the Lake"

Eve Cicero: There's a chapter about you too in the Book of Celebrants isn't there?
Thirteenth Doctor: It's more of a volume.

— Doctor Who, "The Tsuranga Conundrum"

Red Guy: Only dull people think things are dull...
Duck: What? I'm not dull. I'm the best one!

— Don't Hug Me I'm Scared, "Jobs"

"I did it, I'm a genius, I'm a huge brain in a ripped-up body, I am Jesus H. Cox M.D..."

— Dr. Cox, Scrubs

"What is it like in your funny little minds? It must be so boring."

— Sherlock Holmes, Sherlock

Odo: How did you get in here?
Koloth: I am Koloth.
Odo: That doesn't answer my question.
Koloth: Yes, it does.

— Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Blood Oath"

(to the room) "People seem to be talking over me. It's fascinating, and rare. And forbidden."

— Allen Shapiro, Torchwood: Miracle Day

"Einstein's Twin Paradox: A New Interpretation. — Dana Scully, Senior Thesis. Now that's a credential. Rewriting Einstein."

— Fox Mulder, The X-Files, "Pilot"

Music

It's really not a competition!
I just got an affinity for winning
And a penchant for grinning!
In my liabilities, envision beginnings!
I don't second-guess a vision!
Set it, abet it, and go!
I don't think y'all really hearing me!
The pace alone decides who's in my vicinity!
Change the poles, rehire the gravity to trade for gold!
Lose it all, get it back twice in a night!
Hard-headed, I'm nice with the dice!
I'll fund it, luck's redundant, got abundant trust, I'm up!

— Jhariah, "RISK, RISK, RISK!"

They say I'm cocky
And I say, "what?
It ain't braggin', motherfucker, if ya back it up!"

— Kid Rock, "Cocky"

"A hundred muthafuckas can't tell me nuthin'"

— Nicki Minaj, "Beez in the Trap"

U're so cool
Everything u do is success
Make the rules
Then break them all cuz u are the best

— Prince, "Cream"

If I did not have an ego, I would not be here tonight!
If I did not have an ego, I might not think that I was right!
And if you did not have an ego, you might not care the way you dressed,
And if you did not have an ego, you'd just be like the rest!

Ego is not a dirty word!
Ego is not a dirty word!
Ego is not a dirty word!
Don't you believe what you've seen or you've heard!

Well, if Jesus had an ego, he'd still be alive today!
And if Nixon had no ego, he might not be in decay!
And if you did not have an ego, you might not care too much who won!
And if I did not have an ego, I might just use a gun!

Ego is not a dirty word!
Ego is not a dirty word!
Ego is not a dirty word!
Don't you believe what you've seen or you've heard!

Some people keep their egos in a bottom drawer,
A fridgeful of Leonard Cohen,
Have to get drunk to walk out the door,
Stay drunk to keep on goin'
So if you've got an ego, you better
Keep it in good shape,
Exercise it daily,
And get it down on tape, 'cause

Ego is not a dirty word!
Ego is not a dirty word!
Ego is not a dirty word!
Don't you believe what you've seen or you've heard!

Ego is not a dirty word!
Ego is not a dirty word!
Ego is not a dirty word!
Don't you believe what you've seen or you've heard!

Ego is not a dirty word!
Ego is not a dirty word!
Ego is not a dirty word!
Don't you believe what you've seen or you've heard!
Ego!

— Skyhooks, "Ego (Is Not A Dirty Word)"

Podcasts

Mike: The mask is important, because it is a William Shatner Star Trek mask that they painted white.
Jay: Has William Shatner ever commented on that?
Mike: He has. We saw him live, and I think he mentioned that.
Rich: He was too busy explaining how he invented NASA.
Mike: He inspired man to go to the moon.

— Half in the Bag riffs Halloween (1978)

Pro Wrestling

"Well, brother, we're lightening the load around here. We're trimming the fat. We're thinning the herd. I mean, you know, it's pathetic. It's pathetic, that Dixie [Carter] would let this company get in the shape it's in. It's her train of thought. Raven? Who hasn't had a damn shower or bath? RVD, and that whole crew out there? They meant to professional wrestling what Hulk Hogan, who sold out Shea Stadium? Who put 94,000 people in the Pontiac Silverdome? Who slammed a 700-pound giant? They mean to professional wrestling what Hulk Hogan means?"

— Hulk Hogan, erm, "promoting" TNA (ReAction, 11.18.10)

Video Games

"Memorize all the names of Xulgon!"

— Xulgon, Chippy

"On a scale of 1 to 10, she's an 11, and she'd give herself a 12."

— The Voice on The Burst, Furi

Batman: You should've gone when the Regime fell.
Gorilla Grodd: Your arrogance is unbearable.
Batman: It helps that I always win.

— Injustice 2

Black Adam: Your hubris will be your undoing.
Gorilla Grodd: It isn't hubris... when one is truly exceptional.

— Injustice 2

"Did someone just page the King of Awesome?"

— Bowser, Mario & Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story

Jax: You win every room you walk into.
Johnny Cage: (sighs) It's exhausting being so perfect.
Jax: Dammit, you're vain!

— Mortal Kombat 11

"This is me. I am amazing."

— Zemouregal's note on himself^note in a list that keeps tabs on all known members of his species, RuneScape

Come on and light the fuse, he's a rocket, and he's ready to go,
'Cause now the countdown has started, and he's ready to blow!
He's got the dope sounds pumpin', and in stereo! (Ego!)
Kickin' ass fast; puttin' on a show!

Go on and get yourself together, there's no time to rest,
And if you put the time in, he'll put you to the test!
He's like the runnin' man; in his world, more is less,
And if you wanna test him, best bring your best!
Don't make me spell it out: bring your best!

— Sonic the Hedgehog (2006), "His World - Theme of Sonic the Hedgehog", Ali Tabatabaee & Matty Lewis

"If ya' done it, it ain't braggin'!"

— The Engineer, Team Fortress 2

"Ah, my loyal minions. Over the way stands something I want... I need. Beatific mail, wasted on the clueless worm who wears it. It is only right I take it from him, and if you, my loyal serfs, die in agony during the attempt, then know that I'll feel your pain... why, I will RELISH IT! To the 'champion' in my armour... Yes, you may have heard of me. I am Sigvald the Magnificent, the Geld-Prince of Slaanesh. I do not blame you if hearing my name has caused you to void your bowels. Just make sure the Auric Armour is clean when I come to take it. You could hand it straight over, of course, but I have seen your kind before. You will be irksome, and make me fight for it. No matter! I could do with a workout — but do not over-vex me, or your deathcry will be especially shrill, and I do hate to taint my ears with such cacophpnic nonsense IF I CAN BEAR IT!"

— Sigvald the Magnificent, Total War: Warhammer

"Think your arrogance can match mine, Elf? Ha! I am Settra!"

— Settra the Imperishable, Total War: Warhammer II

Visual Novels

Athena Cykes: Oh, these are from Prosecutor [Klavier] Gavin.
Apollo Justice: Roses, huh? How like him: pretentious.
Athena: They might be pretentious, but you know what? He makes it work!

— Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney – Spirit of Justice, Case 6-2: "The Magical Turnabout"

Web Animation

"He's a cocky asshole, but damn, he sure knows how to get stuff done!"

— Boomstick on Shao Kahn, DEATH BATTLE!

"I need an ego this big to accommodate how amazing I am."

— Sam Sweetmilk, Starship Goldfish

"It comes and goes in and out of its own butt the whole way through...I found myself thinking, If this ends with us meeting God, and God looks like Ken Levine, then I'm gonna fucking punch someone.

But you know what? If it isn't boring and gives us something to talk about then it can't be bad. And Infinite isn't bad. It's good; perhaps even great.

Y'see, sometimes it's kinda nice to be up somebody's butt — if it's cosy, and warm, and they've put some interesting conversation pieces up there."

— Zero Punctuation on BioShock Infinite

Webcomics

Arthur: Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them.
(beat)
Arthur: How is it that I've managed to do all three?
Sheldon: (dryly) And still remain so humble?

— Sheldon

Web Original

"Robert Klein is actually quite good as Roger, the phenomenally egotistical director. Generally, one doesn't expect a good performance from a stand-up comic, but Klein proves to be a very amusing asshole. Although, I've seen interviews with the man and while he's very funny, he also seems to be his own biggest fan, so this performance might not have been 100% acting."

— The Agony Booth on Hooper (1978)

"The Grammy Museum (yes, there's a Grammy museum) in L.A. just opened an exhibit called The Taylor Swift Experience and who should stop by but the subject herself, Ms. Taylor Swift... Yes, very embarrassing to dance to your own tunes. (Equally embarrassing: Counting all your money, buying another mansion, having your own retrospective museum exhibit at 25—the list goes on and on.)"

— Madeleine Davies, "Taylor Swift Dances to Taylor Swift at Taylor Swift Exhibit"

"I'm sure Kanye West looked at these two covers and thought: 'I'm sorry, why is American Hustle's head bigger than mine? I was told my head would take up at least 89% of the cover, and I see it has not. You’re still able to see the word TIME. This is bullshit. Kim, get Stefan Sagmeister on the phone, I wanna design a new cover.'"

— DListed, "Kanye West And Bradley Cooper Are Some Of The Most Influential People, According To TIME"

"Another fine New Year's Eve for yours truly, as Nicholson and I ventured to the cliffs of exotic MAJORCA for some much-needed rest and relaxation and aspirin-snorting. At one point, Irish got so drunk that he stripped down naked, climbed up one of the island’s cliff faces, and pointed to a pebble on the beach below! 'See that pebble?' he said. Then he starts masturbating feverishly! I haven't seen such flagrant abuse since John Huston directed his last picture! And after two minutes of pounding away, Irish lets rip a pint of fluid that lands directly onto that tiny little pebble. BULLSEYE. Then he climbs back down the cliff face, gives me a wink, and says... 'I'm still perfect, Evans. No fucking resolutions for Nicholson.' And he walked off. I think he was later arrested."

— Robert Evans, Deadspin

"He gladly gives the spotlight ('This is your turn to shine') to Orianthi Panagaris, a 24-year-old Australian virtuoso guitarist always seen chewing gum. When you've played onstage with Steve Vai at age 15, you can probably get away with chewing gum in front of the King of Pop."

— Rob Gonsalves on Michael Jackson's This Is It

"Now Frances Bean has gone and done it! Liam Gallagher's swollen, pus-filled, throbbing ego is already the size of Cisco Adler's nutsack and it's going to grow at least five hundred times its size when he finds out that Kurt Cobain's daughter likes Oasis more than Nirvana. According to this extremely accurate (I'm sure) Yahoo! Answer, if the planet's land was divided up equally among every living human, we’d each get around 6 acres. But since Liam Gallagher's ego will soon take up half of the planet, we’d be lucky to get 3 acres each. Thanks, Frances Bean!"

— Michael K., "Francis Bean Isn't Really Into Nirvana"

"History will remember him very well in terms of his contribution as a footballer. He'll also be seen as petulant, egotistical and stubborn but he's been a wonderful player."

— Andy Mitten, fanzine editor, on Cristiano Ronaldo's record breaking $130m transfer from Manchester United to Real Madrid

"Aaron Sorkin knows the weight of last words, and his last words to me, as we walk-and-talk out of the HBO press room, are: 'Write something nice.' He says this in the 'Smile, honey' tone of much less successful jerks... Then he ambles off, hoping I'll write something nice, as though he has never known how the news works, how many stories can be true."

— Sarah Nicole Prickett on The Newsroom

"The soccer player Cristiano Ronaldo is often criticized for being arrogant and of acting like he's the best player in the world. Back when he played for Manchester United and I was thus obliged as a fan to defend him, he won the World Player of the Year award. And as I pointed out to people at the time, it really does take some of the sting out of the accusation that you act like you're the best player in the world when you actually are. Likewise, you can, as I suggested above, get away with constantly mugging for the camera if you are, in fact, colossally likable."

— Dr. El Sanidfer, Eruditorum Press

"In this story Davison's supposed 'blandness' — a trait that really tends to mean his tendency not to recklessly steal scenes from everyone around him — is largely a benefit, simply because it means everyone can be on about the same footing in the big shared scene at the end. Whereas, let's face it, the scene would have been harmed by inserting a Tom Baker sized ego into it.

Still, his absence is palpable here. I remember being crushed when I put the tape in for the first time, thinking I'd finally get my third Tom Baker story, then being doubly thrilled to see that I was going to get my first Romana story, then finding out that they weren't really in it and it was just old footage from Shada. Delightful footage, of course, but still, only a fragment."

— Dr. El Sandifer on Doctor Who ("The Five Doctors")

"I don't think I'm being overly dramatic when I say this desperate world needed heroes and all those heroes are me."

— Seanbaby on Calculords

"You can argue for hours, days even, about Lee's proper place in history, about whether he deserves the starry eyed admiration of the general public who think he's the sole creator of everything there was in the Marvel Universe and whose shoulders bore the monumental, nearly unthinkable task of scripting every single classic of the early days of Marvel... Lee is, to this day, a self-promoter of unfathomable skill, and in those early days of Marvel, he was in his prime. He was not there to make friends. He was, in fact, there to make enemies."

— Chris Sims on Stan Lee

"Vince McMahon initially pissed off everyone in wrestling by completely taking over and destroying 95% of the other territories. Vince told all wrestling promoters to fuck off with their old fashioned rules and they couldn't compete with him. He also fucked all their wives and mistresses"

— Taimapedia

"I briefly interviewed Gore Vidal once... Books for the Reagan years? He sighed, 'I haven't a clue.'

Wait a minute, I said, we talked about this on the phone just a few days ago so you've had time to think about it. Now would be a great time to think harder. (I was more polite than that, but you get the idea.)

After a second or two of brow-furrowing thought, he said, 'No, nothing's coming to mind.'

Pay for the crew was ticking into overtime. I felt beads of sweat — or blood — breaking out on my forehead. Disaster. And then I realized: he was toying with me, letting me twist slowly in the wind. Slightly mean, but only slightly, because after a few more moments of paralyzing silence, he suddenly took pity and said, 'Okay. I'll give you two takes. The first will be a minute; the other, thirty seconds.' And they were. And they were flawless."

— Michael Winsip

"For as much as we mock him, let it be known I truly believe that Vince McMahon is the greatest wrestling promoter in the history of this planet. Also, I think he was, during the feud with Austin, the best heel in the business by far. No matter what has happened in recent years, no one will be able to ever either of those accolades away from him. Continuing my Vince lovefest for a moment, I'll add that I think the fact that he really did have to fight and scrap for things early in his career has led him to believe that others don't try as hard as he did. And he may be right.

But this doesn't counter the primary issue here today: that he doesn't truly allow his talent to reach the top."

— Wrestlecrap, Vince McMahon and the BRASS RINGS – 2014 Gooker Award Co-Winner"

Web Video

"I kid of course; Doom's melodramatics have always been one of the endearing things about him; he's over the top, but mostly because he's able to back up his arrogance. It's something the movies always screw up about his character: he's that damn smart, that damn strong, and he wants everyone around him to know it at all times!"

— Linkara in his Secret War review, Atop the Fourth Wall

"Lollipop, I find the most consistent out of everyone here, and I feel like that's saying something with a cast of over 60 characters. From when she had a major role in BFB 1, […] she was already seen as being a mean character. But, this time around, something was different. She was mean... but, she was good at it. Lollipop wasn't a typical mean character like with Donut, or Flower. Lollipop was something different. She had a more sassy side to her meanness, and it fit really well to her character, and I love it. The banter with Barf Bag was funny; the nicknames are on-the-nose, but pretty funny, as well. She became a lot more kinder and compassionate later on, especially towards Taco, Gelatin, and Teardrop, while still keeping her sassy personality."

— OdysseyTen on Lollipop, "I Ranked 77 BFDI Characters"

Jeremy: I don't want to be that guy, you know, who's so prideful and unwilling to back down and probably pops their collar and-
Jason: (offended) Guys, I'm right here!
Jeremy: Jason, I didn't mean you.
Jason: Look, I can't help it that I'm better and more confident of everything than you guys. And sure, I'm physically built as if Michelangelo chiseled me from stone. (flexes his muscles)
(audience cheers)

— Studio C, "Easily Offended Friends"

Western Animation

"Now, the proper words used to describe yours truly are: Specific! Intelligent! Accurate! Faultless! Elegant. Controlled! Surgical! Graceful! And... POWERFUL! (beat) But yes, occasionally I am known to smash."

— Sardonyx, Steven Universe, "Cry For Help"

Real Life

"I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know."

— Mel Brooks

"She was supposed to be on my show; I was kind of sorry she wasn't... The old bag sent over a list of fifteen conditions for appearing with me, or for appearing with anyone, I guess. One of them was, 'There will be no disagreeing with Ms. Rand's philosophy.'"

— Dick Cavett on Ayn Rand

"Talent is not an excuse for bad manners...it does not give you the right to step on people and treat them rotten. This is what he does occasionally."

— Sammy Davis Jr. on Frank Sinatra, The Jack Eigen Show

"You are all wrong."

— Werner Herzog responding to booing crowds at the Berlin Film Festival, who disapproved of his Lessons Of Darkness (1992)

"I went up to Prince and said, 'I'm a big fan of your stuff,' and he looked at me and just walked off... left me standing there like a twat. He's a prat, but he's a clever prat."

— Elton John

"I want to thank you for stopping the applause. It is impossible for me to look humble for any period of time."

— Henry Kissinger

"We're more popular than Jesus now."

— John Lennon

"Fascinatingly confident, rude people are great."

— Steven Moffat

"To me, Orson is so much like a destitute king. A 'destitute' king, not because he was thrown away from the kingdom, but on this earth, the way the world is, there is no kingdom good enough for Orson Welles."

— Jeanne Moreau

"I'm now at an age when I should no longer be making music. Many composers of classical music died at 34. And I'm still here, and nobody knows what to do with me. With luck, I will be able to stop singing forever, which would make many people happy."

— Morrissey on being diagnosed with cancer

"We have a friendship of sorts. Publicly he has zero humility. He would never say anything nice about anyone. He's incredibly competitive and it's not enough that he be the best, everyone else has to die horribly."

— Simon Pegg on Ricky Gervais

"At the lunch, Chevy went on to claim he invented every funny thing that ever happened in the history of not just comedy, but also the known world."

— Kevin Smith on meeting Chevy Chase

"The end result was: I decided I could write something better than anything out there in two weeks... and I was right."

— Linus Torvalds, Google tech talk on git (around 12:10)

"Show me someone without an ego, and I'll show you a loser."

— Donald Trump

Madonna: Thanks for coming.
Kevin Costner: We thought it was neat.
Madonna: "Neat"?
Costner: Really neat.
Madonna: No one's ever described it as that. (Costner leaves) "Neat". Anybody who says my show is neat has to go.

— Truth or Dare

"If ya done it, it ain't braggin'."

— Walt Whitman

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