A hundred muthafuckas can't tell me nuthin'
U're so cool
Everything u do is success
Make the rules
Then break them all cuz u are the best
This is me. I am amazing.
I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. I have not got one who is a fool. They are all men of some intellectual power, and consequently they all appreciate me.
If I sometimes seem to take too great pride in my fighting ability, it must be remembered that fighting is my vocation. If your vocation be shoeing horses, or painting pictures, and you can do one or the other better than your fellows, then you are a fool if you are not proud of your ability. And so I am very proud that upon two planets no greater fighter has ever lived
than John Carter, Prince of Helium.
Einstein's Twin Paradox: A New Interpretation.
— Dana Scully, Senior Thesis. Now thatís a credential. Rewriting Einstein
(to the room)
People seem to be talking over me. It's fascinating, and rare. And forbidden.
How did you get in here? Koloth:
I am Koloth. Odo:
That doesn't answer my question. Koloth:
Yes, it does.
He won the games at 14. Youngest ever
: You're kidding. Haymitch
: Yes, I'm kidding. He's a peacock, a total preener. But he's the Capitol darling, they love him here.
I need an ego this big to accommodate how amazing I am.
— Sam Sweetmilk
You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, 'Who's that?' St. Peter says, 'Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane.
It just told me what I knew all the time. I'm a really great and terrific guy. Didn't I tell you, baby, I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox!
If ya done it, it ain't braggin'.
Talent is not an excuse for bad manners...it does not give you the right to step on people and treat them rotten. This is what he does occasionally.
: Thanks for coming. Kevin Costner
: We thought it was neat. Madonna
: "Neat"? Costner
: No oneís ever described it as that. (Costner leaves)
'Neat'. Anybody who says my show is neat has to go
—Truth or Dare
I went up to Prince
and said, 'I'm a big fan of your stuff,' and he looked at me and just walked off... left me standing there like a twat. He's a prat, but he's a clever prat.
It ain't braggin', motherfucker, if ya back it up.
ďIím now at an age when I should no longer be making music. Many composers of classical music died at 34. And Iím still here, and nobody knows what to do with me. With luck I will be able to stop singing forever, which would make many people happy.Ē
You are all wrong.
responding to booing crowds at the Berlin Film Festival, who disapproved of his Lessons of Darkness
I had just finished filming Last of the Red Hot Lovers
when Bob called me one day at home. 'Sally, do you want to be in my picture after next?' he asked. 'Only if it's a good part,' I said. He hung up on me
I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.
I want to thank you for stopping the applause. It is impossible for me to look humble for any period of time.
The end result was: I decided I could write something better than anything out there in two weeks... and I was right.
At the lunch, Chevy went on to claim he invented every funny thing that ever happened in the history of not just comedy, but also the known world.
Show me someone without an ego, and I'll show you a loser.
Fascinatingly confident, rude people are great.
I don't think I'm being overly dramatic when I say this desperate world needed heroes and all those heroes are me.
We have a friendship of sorts. Publicly he has zero humility. He would never say anything nice about anyone. He's incredibly competitive and it's not enough that he be the best, everyone else has to die horribly.
Another fine New Yearís Eve for yours truly, as Nicholson
and I ventured to the cliffs of exotic MAJORCA for some much-needed rest and relaxation and aspirin-snorting
. At one point, Irish got so drunk that he stripped down naked, climbed up one of the islandís cliff faces, and pointed to a pebble on the beach below! ĎSee that pebble?í he said. Then he starts masturbating feverishly! I havenít seen such flagrant abuse since John Huston directed his last picture!
And after two minutes of pounding away, Irish lets rip a pint of fluid that lands directly onto that tiny little pebble. BULLSEYE. Then he climbs back down the cliff face, gives me a wink, and saysÖ ĎIím still perfect, Evans. No fucking resolutions for Nicholson.í And he walked off. I think he was later arrested.
Robert Klein is actually quite good as Roger, the phenomenally egotistical director
. Generally, one doesnít expect a good performance from a stand-up comic, but Klein proves to be a very amusing asshole. Although, Iíve seen interviews with the man and while heís very funny, he also seems to be his own biggest fan, so this performance might not have been 100% acting.
The mask is important, because it is a William Shatner Star Trek
mask that they painted white. Jay:
Has William Shatner ever commented on that? Mike:
He has. We saw him live, and I think he mentioned that. Rich:
He was too busy explaining how he invented NASA. Mike:
He inspired man to go to the moon.
If thereís one thing Jessica Lange
doesnít have time for, itís everything.
But if thereís one thing Jessica Lange REALLY doesnít have time for, itís a peasant trying hard to bring the sexy
while posing in a marathon posing session that goes on forever.
While posing for her life, Lea catches the sparkle from a true star out of the corner of her eye and her entire face lights up when Jessica sashays on through. In Leaís head, she thinks Jessica Lange is going to stop, hug her, bow at her feet, tell her how much she loves her voice and ask her to sing a song. Lea gladly sings a song for her biggest fan, Jessica Lange, and after she does Jessica asks her to sing another song and the premiere eventually turns into a giant Lea Michele concert. But that didnít happen
. This happened instead
...Lea is me and Jessica is all of my exes every time I try to say hi to them in public.
I was going to say that Leaís bronzer mustíve turned pasty white from all the shade Jessica threw at her, but thatís not even shade. Thatís a one hundred percent, beautiful diss.
Thatís some 'Oh darling, youíre about as interesting to me as that red stripe in the background'
shit. But you know, I am a little jealous of Lea Michele, because itís an honor to get snubbed by Jessica Lange.
It comes and goes in and out of its own butt the whole way through...I found myself thinking, If this ends with us meeting God, and God looks like Ken Levine
, then I'm gonna fucking punch someone.
But you know what? If it isn't boring and gives us something to talk about then it can't be bad. And Infinite
isn't bad. It's good; perhaps even great.
Y'see, sometimes it's kinda nice
to be up somebody's butt — if it's cosy, and warm, and they've put some interesting conversation pieces up there.
History will remember him very well in terms of his contribution as a footballer. He'll also be seen as petulant, egotistical and stubborn but he's been a wonderful player.
— Andy Mitten, fanzine editor, on Cristiano Ronaldo's record breaking $130m transfer from Manchester United to Real Madrid
You can argue for hours, days even, about Leeís proper place in history, about whether he deserves the starry eyed admiration of the general public who think heís the sole creator of everything there was in the Marvel Universe and whose shoulders bore the monumental, nearly unthinkable task of scripting every single classic of the early days of Marvel, or whether he deserves the scorn of the Kirby
partisans who see him as a funky flash-man who attached himself like a parasite to more talented artists and then used them to catapult himself (and only himself) into the spotlight every chance he got. I think the truth of that is somewhere in the middle, but thereís one thing you can say about Lee that I donít think anyoneís going to dispute: Heís the ultimate salesman. Lee is, to this day, a self-promoter of unfathomable skill, and in those early days of Marvel, he was in his prime. He was not there to make friends. He was, in fact, there to make enemies.
In this story Davisonís
supposed 'blandness' — a trait that really tends to mean his tendency not to recklessly steal scenes from everyone around him
— is largely a benefit, simply because it means everyone can be on about the same footing in the big shared scene at the end. Whereas, letís face it, the scene would have been harmed by inserting a Tom Baker
sized ego into it.
Still, his absence is palpable here. I remember being crushed when I put the tape in for the first time, thinking Iíd finally get my third Tom Baker story, then being doubly thrilled to see that I was going to get my first Romana story, then finding out that they werenít really in it and it was just old footage
. Delightful footage, of course, but still, only a fragment.
He gladly gives the spotlight ('This is your turn to shine') to Orianthi Panagaris, a 24-year-old Australian virtuoso guitarist always seen chewing gum. When youíve played onstage with Steve Vai
at age 15, you can probably get away with chewing gum in front of the King of Pop.
I briefly interviewed Gore Vidal
once... Books for the Reagan
years? He sighed, ďI havenít a clue.Ē
Wait a minute, I said, we talked about this on the phone just a few days ago so youíve had time to think about it. Now would be a great time to think harder. (I was more polite than that, but you get the idea.)
After a second or two of brow-furrowing thought, he said, ďNo, nothingís coming to mind.Ē
Pay for the crew was ticking into overtime. I felt beads of sweat — or blood — breaking out on my forehead. Disaster. And then I realized: he was toying with me
, letting me twist slowly in the wind. Slightly mean, but only slightly, because after a few more moments of paralyzing silence, he suddenly took pity and said, ďOkay. Iíll give you two takes. The first will be a minute; the other, thirty seconds.Ē And they were. And they were flawless.