"I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you over the sound of how AWESOME I am."
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"A hundred muthafuckas can't tell me nuthin'"
—Nicki Minaj, "Beez in the Trap"
"U're so cool
Everything u do is success
Make the rules
Then break them all cuz u are the best"
"This is me. I am amazing."
"I choose my friends for their good looks, my acquaintances for their good characters, and my enemies for their good intellects. A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. I have not got one who is a fool. They are all men of some intellectual power, and consequently they all appreciate me."
—Lord Henry, The Picture of Dorian Gray
"If I sometimes seem to take too great pride in my fighting ability, it must be remembered that fighting is my vocation. If your vocation be shoeing horses, or painting pictures, and you can do one or the other better than your fellows, then you are a fool if you are not proud of your ability. And so I am very proud that upon two planets no greater fighter has ever lived than John Carter, Prince of Helium."
—John Carter in The Warlord of Mars
"He was just one of those guys with that weird light around him. He just knew he wasn't gonna get so much as a scratch here."
—Willard on Kilgore, Apocalype Now
"'Einstein's Twin Paradox: A New Interpretation. Dana Scully, Senior Thesis.' Now that’s a credential. Rewriting Einstein."
—Fox Mulder, The X-Files ("Pilot")
(to the room) "People seem to be talking over me. It's fascinating, and rare. And forbidden."
—Allen Shapiro, Torchwood: Miracle Day
Odo: How did you get in here?
Koloth: I am Koloth.
Odo: That doesn't answer my question.
Koloth: Yes, it does.
— Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, "Blood Oath"
Haymitch: He won the games at 14. Youngest ever. Extremely humble.
Katniss: You're kidding.
Haymitch: Yes, I'm kidding. He's a peacock, a total preener. But he's the Capitol darling, they love him here.
— On Finnick Odair, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
Third Doctor: Jo was a highly-trained scientist. I want someone with the same qualifications!
Brigadier: Nonsense. What you need, Doctor, as Miss Shaw herself so often remarked, is someone to pass you your test tubes and to tell you how brilliant you are.
"I need an ego this big to accommodate how amazing I am."
— Sam Sweetmilk
"You hear the one about the fella who died, went to the pearly gates? St. Peter let him in. Sees a guy in a suit making a closing argument. Says, 'Who's that?' St. Peter says, 'Oh, that's God. Thinks he's Denny Crane."
— Denny Crane, Boston Legal
"It just told me what I knew all the time. I'm a really great and terrific guy. Didn't I tell you, baby, I'm Zaphod Beeblebrox!"
— Zaphod Beeblebrox, on surviving the Total Perspective Vortex in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
"If ya done it, it ain't braggin'."
"Talent is not an excuse for bad manners...it does not give you the right to step on people and treat them rotten. This is what he does occasionally."
Madonna: Thanks for coming.
Kevin Costner: We thought it was neat.
Costner: Really neat.
Madonna: No one’s ever described it as that. (Costner leaves) 'Neat'. Anybody who says my show is neat has to go.
—Truth or Dare
"It ain't braggin', motherfucker, if ya back it up."
"You are all wrong."
—Werner Herzog responding to booing crowds at the Berlin Film Festival, who disapproved of his Lessons of Darkness (1992)
"I had just finished filming Last of the Red Hot Lovers when Bob called me one day at home. 'Sally, do you want to be in my picture after next?' he asked. 'Only if it's a good part,' I said. He hung up on me."
—Sally Kellerman on Robert Altman
“I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.”
"We're more popular than Jesus now."
“I want to thank you for stopping the applause. It is impossible for me to look humble for any period of time.”
"The end result was: I decided I could write something better than anything out there in two weeks... and I was right."
— Linus Torvalds, Google tech talk on git (around 12:10)
"I went up to Prince and said, 'I'm a big fan of your stuff,' and he looked at me and just walked off... left me standing there like a twat. He's a prat, but he's a clever prat."
“I’m now at an age when I should no longer be making music. Many composers of classical music died at 34. And I’m still here, and nobody knows what to do with me. With luck I will be able to stop singing forever, which would make many people happy.”
—Morrissey on being diagnosed with cancer
"At the lunch, Chevy went on to claim he invented every funny thing that ever happened in the history of not just comedy, but also the known world."
—Kevin Smith on meeting Chevy Chase
"Show me someone without an ego, and I'll show you a loser.”
“Fascinatingly confident, rude people are great.”
"I don't think I'm being overly dramatic when I say this desperate world needed heroes and all those heroes are me."
"Robert Klein is actually quite good as Roger, the phenomenally egotistical director. Generally, one doesn’t expect a good performance from a stand-up comic, but Klein proves to be a very amusing asshole. Although, I’ve seen interviews with the man and while he’s very funny, he also seems to be his own biggest fan, so this performance might not have been 100% acting."
—The Agony Booth on Hooper (1978)
Mike: The mask is important, because it is a William Shatner Star Trek mask that they painted white.
Jay: Has William Shatner ever commented on that?
Mike: He has. We saw him live, and I think he mentioned that.
Rich: He was too busy explaining how he invented NASA.
"Rizzoli Publishing, the poor unfortunate soul who drew the short straw when it came to deciding who would take one for the team and publish Selfish, recently released more information regarding Kim Kardashian’s book of drowsy porn face selfies, including a description of the book and an 'About the Author'...Kanye usually gets the final say in everything Kim does, so I’m shocked that he didn’t call up Rizzoli and tell them he’d write the 'About the Author' section himself. Or maybe he did!"
“ABOUT THE AUTHOR – SHIT, I SHOULDN’T EVEN HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE AUTHOR! BITCH WAS ON THE COVER OF VOGUE! SHE’S THE MOST FAMOUS FASHION ICON OF ALL TIME! KIM MOTHERFUCKING KARDASHIAN! WIFE OF KANYE! MOTHER OF THAT CONFUSED-LOOKING BABY THAT I NAMED AFTER A DIRECTION!”
—Micheal K., "The 'Author Description' For Kim Kardashian’s Selfie Book Is Just As Laughable As You’d Expect"
"History will remember him very well in terms of his contribution as a footballer. He'll also be seen as petulant, egotistical and stubborn but he's been a wonderful player."
— Andy Mitten, fanzine editor, on Cristiano Ronaldo's record breaking $130m transfer from Manchester United to Real Madrid
"Every single one of those correspondents received a detailed response from us explaining why they were mistaken. To date, we haven't received a single apology."
"You can argue for hours, days even, about Lee’s proper place in history, about whether he deserves the starry eyed admiration of the general public who think he’s the sole creator of everything there was in the Marvel Universe and whose shoulders bore the monumental, nearly unthinkable task of scripting every single classic of the early days of Marvel, or whether he deserves the scorn of the Kirby and Ditko partisans who see him as a funky flash-man who attached himself like a parasite to more talented artists and then used them to catapult himself (and only himself) into the spotlight every chance he got. I think the truth of that is somewhere in the middle, but there’s one thing you can say about Lee that I don’t think anyone’s going to dispute: He’s the ultimate salesman. Lee is, to this day, a self-promoter of unfathomable skill, and in those early days of Marvel, he was in his prime. He was not there to make friends. He was, in fact, there to make enemies."
—Chris Sims on Stan Lee
"In this story Davison’s supposed 'blandness' — a trait that really tends to mean his tendency not to recklessly steal scenes from everyone around him — is largely a benefit, simply because it means everyone can be on about the same footing in the big shared scene at the end. Whereas, let’s face it, the scene would have been harmed by inserting a Tom Baker sized ego into it.
Still, his absence is palpable here. I remember being crushed when I put the tape in for the first time, thinking I’d finally get my third Tom Baker story, then being doubly thrilled to see that I was going to get my first Romana story, then finding out that they weren’t really in it and it was just old footage from Shada. Delightful footage, of course, but still, only a fragment."
"He gladly gives the spotlight ('This is your turn to shine') to Orianthi Panagaris, a 24-year-old Australian virtuoso guitarist always seen chewing gum. When you’ve played onstage with Steve Vai at age 15, you can probably get away with chewing gum in front of the King of Pop."
"I briefly interviewed Gore Vidal once... Books for the Reagan years? He sighed, “I haven’t a clue.”
Wait a minute, I said, we talked about this on the phone just a few days ago so you’ve had time to think about it. Now would be a great time to think harder. (I was more polite than that, but you get the idea.)
After a second or two of brow-furrowing thought, he said, “No, nothing’s coming to mind.”
Pay for the crew was ticking into overtime. I felt beads of sweat — or blood — breaking out on my forehead. Disaster. And then I realized: he was toying with me, letting me twist slowly in the wind. Slightly mean, but only slightly, because after a few more moments of paralyzing silence, he suddenly took pity and said, “Okay. I’ll give you two takes. The first will be a minute; the other, thirty seconds.” And they were. And they were flawless."