Quotes / Awesome McCoolname

Max Power, he's the man whose name you'd love to touch...
But, you mustn't touch! His name sounds good in your ear
But when you say it, you mustn't fear
Because his name can be said by anyone!

— Max Power (aka Homer)^note He got it from a hairdryer, The Simpsons

"Buck Plankchest!"
"Stump Chunkman!"
"Dirk Hardpec!"
"Rip Steakface!"
"Slate Slabrock!"
"Blast Hardcheese!"
"Crud Bonemeal!"

— The cast of Mystery Science Theater 3000 having a grand time with Space Mutiny

Zeus Carver: Why you keep calling me Jesús? Do I look Puerto Rican to you?
John McClane: Guy back there called you Jesús.
Zeus Carver: He didn't say Jesús. He said, "Hey, Zeus!" My name is Zeus.
John McClane: Zeus?
Zeus Carver: Yeah, Zeus! As in, father of Apollo? Mount Olympus? "Don't-fuck-with-me-or-I'll-shove-a-lightning-bolt-up-your-ass" Zeus! You got a problem with that?
John McClane: No, I don't have a problem with that.

— Die Hard with a Vengeance

Japan: Hi, China.

China: Hi, dipshit.

Japan: Can you call us something else, other than "dipshit"?

China: Like what?

Japan: How about "Sunrise Land"?

— history of japan, by bill wurtz

Kick Buttowski! Nah Nah Nah! Kick Buttowski! Buttowski!

— Kick Buttowski: Suburban Daredevil Theme Song

Max Payne. I envy your name.

— Frank "The Bat" Niagra, Max Payne

Thomas Ian Griffith plays Chicago cop Jack Wild. (Of course he fucking does.)

— The Cinema Snob, on Crackerjack

I would just like to point out that I'm changing my name to Awesome McBadass Power Fist.

— Linkara

'Zoltan' is a common Hungarian name, it’s my wife’s maiden name and most importantly, it’s the name of Dracula’s dog.

— Penn Jilette on his son's name.

Jack: ..."Shoot Gunner"? Really?
GG: Who translated this game? Roxy Lalonde?
Vivian: ...Maybe he's related to Stab Swordo?

— We Are Our Avatars

"Very few people are likely to dispute the fact that Warhawk Tanzania, star of the absolutely stupefying Devil's Express, has one of the greatest names of all time."

— Mondo Digital

In 1980, the New York Islanders traded Billy Harris and Dave Lewis to the Kings for center Butch Goring, a move that to this day is referred to as the “gold standard” of trade deadline deals. I mean... it’s the name, right? “Butch Goring.” That’s pretty badass. It sounds like a name George Carlin would have made up for his NRA bit. So I’m going to assume that’s why we’re all still raving about a trade involving a solid but not especially spectacular veteran. (...) Would we remember this deal as fondly if his name had been Percival Cuddlepants? Probably not.

— Sean McIndoe, "Dos and Don'ts of the NHL Trade Deadline"

Mike: [naming his new D&D character] Jim Darkmagic.
Scott: What? Why don't you just name yourself Chet Awesomelaser?

— Acquisitions Incorporated

Rider Strong ‏@RiderStrong Really great parents

RT @RachelTacker': Shawn's name from Boy Meets World is Rider Strong...

Who would name their child that — #thinkaboutit

"The second [woman] wanted to be called Nuée Duskrose—she might as well have carried a sign: NOT MY REAL NAME."

—Mehitabel Parr, The Mirador

Deadpool: [as a teenager walks up to join Colossus] And you are...?
Teenager: Negasonic Teenage Warhead.
Deadpool: Negasonic Teenage... What the shit?! That is the coolest name ever!

— Deadpool (2016)

Normally, I'd have something mean to say about this movie since it's not that great and from a time where anything that didn't give your mule a disease was considered funny. But Bringing Up Baby was written by a guy named Hagar Wilde, and I'm not crazy enough to fuck with a guy named something that badass even if he is like 211 years old by now.

—Seanbaby, The Internet Film Laser Squad's 100 Funniest Movies

Joe: Here are your names... (pointing to each respective member) Mr. Brown, Mr. White, Mr. Blonde, Mr. Blue, Mr. Orange, and Mr. Pink.

Mr. Pink: Why am I Mr. Pink?

Joe: Because, you're a faggot, alright?!

Mr. Pink: Why can't we pick our own colors?

Joe: No way, no way. Tried it once, doesn't work. You got four guys all fighting over who's gonna be Mr. Black, but they don't know each other, so nobody wants to back down. No way. I pick. You're Mr. Pink. Be thankful you're not Mr. Yellow.

Mr. Brown: Yeah, but Mr. Brown? That's a little too close to Mr. Shit.

Mr. Pink: Mr. Pink sounds like Mr. Pussy. How 'bout if I'm Mr. Purple? That sounds good to me. I'll be Mr. Purple.

Joe: You're not Mr. Purple. Some guy on some other job is Mr. Purple. You're Mr. PINK!

Mr. White: Who cares what your name is?

Mr. Pink: Yeah, that's easy for your to say, you're Mr. White. You have a cool-sounding name. Alright look, if it's no big deal to be Mr. Pink, you wanna trade?

Joe: Hey! Nobody's trading with anybody. This ain't a goddamn, fucking city council meeting, you know. Now listen up, Mr. Pink. There's two ways you can go on this job: my way or the highway. Now what's it gonna be, Mr. Pink?

Mr. Pink: Jesus Christ, Joe, fucking forget about it. It's beneath me. I'm Mr. Pink. Let's move on.

— Reservoir Dogs

"Tiberius McBoss. If that doesn't get you into the Academy of Manly Bastards, nothing will."

— Jacksepticeye, The Sims 4

"Your name will be Admiral Wolverine Lightningbolt, because those are the three coolest words in our language.

— Billy, The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy to an unidentified alien creature he takes as a pet.

"Your name is Sea Hawk? That's the coolest name I've ever heard!"

— Bow, She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

"Hold on, your last name is Strife? That's a Bad. Ass. Name."

— Barret to Cloud, Final Fantasy VII: Machinabridged

Scrooge: Huey? Dewey? Louie? Meet Della Duck...
Dewey: I'm part robot! I Knew It!! (runs up to hug Della, big tender moment, then...)
Della: Wait, Huey, Dewey and Louie?! Nononono... their names were supposed to be Jet, Turbo and Rebel!
Dewey: I coulda been "Turbo"?!
Della: I told Donald! I wrote it down in case no one could understand him!
Dewey: I coulda been "Turbo"?!

— DuckTales (2017), "Nothing Can Stop Della Duck!"

The first mistake in a fake ID is having a cool last name. Trust me, Izzy and Addy von Thundercunt crossed my mind, but that'd be a dead giveaway.

—Florida Man on giving Izzy and Addy the last name Pritchard, "Fake", Ennui GO!

"By the way, what kind of a name is Adrian Gecko anyway? I've got a much cooler name, and unlike you, I've got my own catchphrase. Chazz it UP!!!"

—Chazz Princeton, Yu-Gi-Oh! GX

"It's always a guy like Phil Swift, Johnny Starr. You never get a guy coming out [for infomercials] like, (in fake Russian accent) 'It's me, Josephi Krakowski, with Flex Tape!'"

—JonTron, Waterproofing My Life With Flex Tape

Thor: And I have to admit... Some of the Dark One's reluctance to engage with us is my fault.
Minrah: Oh! Did you make fun of his name?
Thor: (confused) What? No, his name is totally metal.

—The Order of the Stick

If someone comes up and introduces themself to me as 'Duke Mirage', my pants are already off.

—Brian David Gilbert, Unraveled

"Kitty Softpaws. Wow. Yeah. Now, that's a good name. There's music in a name like that."

— Perrito, Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

Kryten: Hmm. "Jake Bullet". I like the sound of that. That sounds like a man who gets things done by cutting corners and bucking authority. And if those pen pushers up at city hall don't like it, they can park their fat asses on this middle digit and swivel! Swivel 'till they squeal like pigs on a honeymoon!
Rimmer: Or, Mr. Bullet, you actually work in Traffic Control, and just happen to have a silly, macho name.
Kryten: Oh, yes, you're right. I didn't think of that.

—Red Dwarf, "Back to Reality"

"And of course, Therm Scissorpunch. No one's sure if he's ever actually done any of the terrible things he's always bragging about, but his name is Therm Scissorpunch, so who cares, right?"

— Sav Malagan, Star Wars The High Republic Adventures 2022

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