"Linus, you know I love you. No mother could be prouder. But I think it’s time you ran away from home."
— Maude, Sabrina (1995)
Bob is a Nice Guy who always lends a helping hand and does his best to help everyone through their troubles. Or he's The Leader who's the Reasonable Authority Figure that keeps the group together and functional. So naturally when some problem or issue crops up Bob will be the one to solve everything like always. But this time Bob doesn't want to be the safety net that keeps everything running and says as such. Maybe he's been having a rough time of it lately and just wants to have a moment to catch his breath. Or The Chains of Commanding have gotten too heavy and he wants to take just a little time to not to have to be responsible for everyone.
At worst, Bob may have a Samaritan Syndrome where he's compelled to always help others when he sees them needing help, and he feels responsible for any and every kind of accidents or disasters that he didn't prevent, or victims he couldn't save.
This trope is where a character acknowledges the works, efforts, and responsibilities they've had to commit to and there is an expression, if not fulfillment, of a desire to look after themselves the same way they've looked after others. An interesting facet of this trope is that the character being affected doesn't have to be the one to bring up their problems but others can point out the issue for the same effect.
Generally used as An Aesop about not stretching yourself too thin trying to help others or trying to carry everything on your own shoulders when you don't have to. Also tends to be used to send a message about Because You Can Cope by saying that just because you can handle whatever troubles come your way doesn't mean you should always have to. While this can be played to negative effect by having the character pick up the Jerkass Ball and start acting selfishly, often believing that their prior actions entitle them to do so, it's often used to incite a personal revelation of about self-care and realizing you don't have to give so much of yourself to be helpful.
Compare with Rage Breaking Point, where a character is pushed too far and loses it from aggravation rather than just wearing themselves too thin, and Grew a Spine, where a normally passive character stops being so passive and can be a result of this.
Examples:
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Comic Books
- Superman: A Discussed Trope. Lois breaks off her engagement with Superman and returns the ring. Superman flies out to the ocean so he can vent his frustration and meets Lori Lemaris, one of his exes, and reveals one of his biggest personal hangups with his immense powers. Because of the sheer scale of power he possesses he can never truly allow himself the luxury of being angry. He actually throws the returned ring over the horizon in a rare moment of indulgence but quickly snaps out of it when Lori reminds him that said ring was also his mother's.
- Sonic the Hedgehog (IDW): Amy Rose goes through this arc after Knuckles puts her in charge of the Resistance. She rebrands it as the "Restoration", providing humanitarian aid to places affected by Eggman and other villains. But the sheer amount of management required (mainly sitting at a desk doing paperwork, a nightmare for her adventure-loving Plucky Girl self) takes its toll, especially once the Metal Virus hits and she becomes responsible for global evacuations and crisis management during essentially a Zombie Apocalypse. By the end of the arc she's become run-down, depressed and longing for the days where she went on her own adventures with Sonic. Jewel the Beetle offers to take over her job, finally letting Amy take a break.
Fan Works
- The Babysitting Fiasco: Alya and Nino shamelessly exploit Marinette's kindness and reluctance to "let her friends down" by pressuring her to babysit their younger siblings for them, conning their parents into paying them for the chores they're then pawning off on her without any compensation. After their parents learn what's going on, Sabine and Tom sit down with their daughter and stress the importance of taking time for herself:
Sabine: And if you're busy or just need time to do your own things, it's always okay to say no. Even to your friends. And even to us and Madam Chamack. We don't want you to get overwhelmed and be sacrificing sleep or having your schoolwork suffer. That's your primary responsibility right now. Okay?
Marinette: Okay.
Tom: We're proud of you for coming to us with this. We know that you want to help others as much as you can, but you have to remember to save some of that time and energy for Marinette, too. You can't help others as much if you're too worn out and spread thin and not taking care of yourself. It's okay to tell other people that they're putting too much pressure on you and to enforce your boundaries when they try to push or claim that something will be just the once. Looking after yourself will never be selfish, even if other people try to frame it that way. And if you ever need help yourself, it is more than okay to ask for it. You've given a lot to people around you, and helping is hardly a one-way street. - In Brockton's Celestial Forge, Joe starts taking care of his mental health specifically so that he'll be more prepared when it's time for him to take action.
- In The Karma of Lies, Marinette is pushed to the breaking point after she confides in Adrien just how much she's been suffering due to Lila's manipulations, only for Adrien to completely dismiss her feelings and 'reassure' her that she's strong enough to continue. This spurs her to realize that she was Loving a Shadow, and that he and her classmates were taking advantage of her generosity. She turns things around with the help of friends who encourage her to take care of herself rather than constantly trying to provide for everybody else.
- After Hawkmoth is arrested, Ladybug also calls Chat Noir out when he crashes an interview and continues his usual harassment, spelling out that she only endured his misbehavior because she had no real choice in the matter. Chat Noir constantly ignored her warnings and pleas for him to stop goofing around and take things more seriously; when he did respond, he often did so by sulking and withholding his aid. Ladybug was forced to swallow her frustration and put up with his antics so that she wouldn't risk getting akumatized; with Hawkmoth out of the picture, she's free to tell him off at last.
- Lotus Violet And Cherry Blossoms: Ren develops a bad case of Chronic Hero Syndrome during his therapist internship. Eventually, Sumire, Morgana and Dr. Maruki help him realize the importance of taking care of himself.
- Marinette Dupain-Cheng's Spite Playlist has Marinette struggling to balance this against her Chronic Hero Syndrome. As much as she wants to leave all of the drama behind at Collège Françoise Dupont and focus on rebuilding and improving her own life after all of her Fair-Weather Friends turned against her, she still feels compelled to try and help them. It hardly helps that Chloé is trying to drag her back into the fight, or that Lila is actively pursuing her as well, making clear that she's stringing everyone along just to hurt Marinette by proxy.
- This is a common occurrence in Miraculous Ladybug Accusation Fics, particularly "salt fics" inspired by the events of "Chameleon". Marinette typically reaches the Last Straw with her classmates' canonically poor treatment of her, which is frequently esclated beyond what the show depicts and calls them out for being Fair-Weather Friends who turned on her for somebody that they've known for mere weeks at best, going by the time Lila has actually been at school, and essentially declaring that if, after all the assorted favors and work she has done for them amount to nothing in their eyes, then she's finished doing anything for them. Some such stories go as far as having Marinette transfer out of the class or even to a new school altogether, so she can have a healthy school environment rather than the toxic one she's been stuck with.
- Mme. Bustier and Adrien are frequently called out in these stories for attempting to force Marinette to serve as a "good example" by "taking the high road" with bullies like Chloé and Lila, expecting her to put up with their abuse because she can handle it. In particular, one of Adrien's primary defenses of his "do nothing" approach is that if she stands up to her bullies, they'll get akumatized... while ignoring how Marinette could be akumatized instead.
- Some stories also have Ladybug call Chat Noir out on his constant flirting with her, pointing out that his refusal to stop crosses over into outright harassment. As much as she wants to work with her partner, that doesn't mean she needs to deal with his refusal to take "no" for an answer.
- NiGHTS: Quatro Facets of Dreams: Owl helps Frisk realize that after everything they went through, they should focus on resting and recovering from their ordeal rather than obsessing over how they couldn't figure out how to save the Dreemurr's children.
- In Ranma Club, Kasumi realizes that her efforts to help her family cope with her mother's death have led to her effectively acting as their servant, not just a surrogate parent to her younger sisters. Deciding that she wasn't meant to be everyone's caretaker, she decides to start living for herself for a change, starting by leaving the Dojo.
- Two Letters has Marinette quit being Ladybug after realizing that Paris has been taking her completely for granted, to the point where people are treating akumatization as an emotional outlet, seemingly seeing nothing wrong with letting Hawkmoth transform them and going on rampages through Paris. Marinette, meanwhile, was constantly repressing her own negative emotions, fearing that allowing herself a single Moment of Weakness would allow Hawkmoth to win. This realization makes her resentful towards the whole city, leading to her retirement. The story also hints from early on that it leans towards an "character learnt the epiphany wrong and Took a Level in Jerkass" arc because Marinette is taking glee at how the new Ladybug she secretly enlisted to replace her is ruining the lives of some people who deserve it... and others that do not - and she came to consider all of Paris "deserves it".
- Weight Off Your Shoulder, a Recursive Fanfic of Two Letters, has Marinette quit after learning that Hawk/Shadow Moth will eventually get his hands on the Miracle Box and blaming herself, as she's accustomed to others blaming her for everything that goes wrong. Part of her character arc involves gradually being convinced by Luka and others that she is better than she believes herself to be and deserves to take care of herself.
- Tikki also has a Jerkass Realization about how she pushed Marinette too much, insisting that she had to neglect herself in order to be an Ideal Heroine. Making matters worse is that the new Ladybug is everything she'd thought she wanted in a holder, being singularly devoted to her duties as a superheroine, while the kwami desperately tries to convince her that she needs to take better care of herself.
- This is also depicted in one of the Bad Futures created by Bunnyx's meddling with the time stream. Specifically, one timeline where Marinette and Adrien got together has the former realize that their relationship is All Take and No Give; not only is she the only one holding their marriage together, Adrien also expects her to run his family's business in his place. This spurs her to divorce him, and one epilogue details what happened in her timeline following the story's events.
- We're Not Friends Kacchan has Izuku come to realize that he can't keep catering to Katsuki's ego, as Katsuki twists everything around to revolve around HIM and his self-absorbed view of the world. For his own sake, he has to stop trying to repair their 'friendship' and focus on his own needs.
- Played straight, discussed, invoked, and inverted in With This Ring, a thoroughly-planned Door Stopper and master-class fanfiction of Young Justice that incorporates and explores the wider DC universe. The main character—Paul—is an Orange Lantern, using his Orange Power Ring (which, unlike the more famous Green Lantern rings, are powered by Greed instead of Will) requires channeling intense greed to accomplish anything. In order to not end up like Larfleeze, an extremely powerful Orange Lantern that has degenerated into a nearly-mindless beast who spends all of his time resting on top of a pile of treasures in a cave, Paul has to learn how to channel his desires into productive and disciplined actions rather than just defaulting to It's All About Me, inverting this trope. When he later founds the Orange Lantern Corps, he has to help teach recruits this same principle. However, Paul encounters many people—those with superpowers and those without—who do not adequately take care of themselves mentally or physically, and has to try to help them achieve this trope or at least begin to consider it.
Film — Live Action
- Marvel Cinematic Universe
- Avengers: Endgame: This is essentially how Captain America's story ends. He has to go through time to return the Infinity Stones to their proper places but doesn't immediately return when his friends expect him to. Sam and Bucky find him nearby... and looking very aged. Steve had spent nearly his entire life since becoming a Super-Soldier involved with one military or security organization after another, from the armed forces to S.H.I.E.L.D. to the Avengers. A big part of this had been Steve's status as a Fish out of Temporal Water making it difficult to truly embrace life beyond the call of duty and his own altruistic instincts to help people. Steve reveals that he took advantage of the time travel to return to the past and live out his life as he would have had he not been frozen. He explicitly notes that he felt it was time to live life rather than just protect it.
- Spider-Man: Far From Home: Following the events of Endgame where his mentor Iron Man had died, Peter decides to step away from being Spider-Man for a bit and just enjoy his class trip, where he has a chance to get closer to MJ. As enthusiastic as Peter is about being Spider-Man and as much as he understands the responsibility of his superhero role it's clear that he just wants a chance to enjoy himself after everything in Endgame. Of course, this is Peter Parker we're talking about, so things go to hell for him whether he wants to or not. And boy, do we mean "go to hell".
Literature
- In Vespertine by Margaret Rogerson, the protagonist Artemisia has severe mental health issues from past trauma, and often neglects her own needs in favor of serving everyone else. When she's possessed by a revenant, the revenant is appalled at its new vessel's self-neglect and pushes her to eat, drink water, and sleep. Artemisia resists at first, but eventually comes to see it has a point.
Revenant: You feed the horse, but not yourself?
Artemisia: That's different. He carried me.
Revenant: Have you considered that your body carries you? - Ward: Antares' struggle with her desire to be heroic and her need to help others against the very real mental and physical burden that those very tendencies place on her is one of the core conflicts of her character arc. The trope is almost zig-zagged in that she academically understands she should take better care of herself and it's not her responsibility to fix every problem she comes across, but she finds it difficult to follow through and step back. By the epilogue, she has finally managed to come to terms with her powers and found a way to help others without constantly putting herself in harms way. Her arc is even more ironic in that one of her roles from the beginning of the novel is trying to get the rest of her teammates to pay attention to their self-care while frequently neglecting her own.
Live-Action TV
- One episode of Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide deals with Ned having problems with saying "no" to peoples' requests, which leads to him overburdening himself, and ultimately neglecting his personal responsibilities like schoolwork or family relationships because he's taken on so many tasks from others. At the end of the episode, he delivers a string of "no's" to various requests people make of him, and part of the Aesop is that people are fine with it. In his momentum, though, he also says "no" a date with his crush, Suzie Crabgrass — leading to a final Big "NO!".
- On Scrubs Lucy was trying to do everything for everyone, until Elliot pointed out that it had left her so exhausted that she couldn't even insert an I.V. tube.
- In the original pilot for Star Trek: The Original Series, Captain Christopher Pike gets a visit from his doctor who tells him that he treats everyone on the Enterprise like a human being except himself. Of course, they differ on how exactly he should be taking care of himself.
Pike: I'm tired of being responsible for 203 lives, and I'm tired of deciding which mission is too risky and which isn't, and who's going on the landing party and who doesn't, and who lives...and who dies. I've had it, Phil.
Doctor: To the point of finally taking my advice, a rest leave?
Pike: To the point of considering resigning.- Another episode had Spock tricking Kirk into taking a vacation.
Spock: There's an issue with a crew member who is exhibiting signs of psychological fatigue and yet he refuses to take a vacation, which is his right...
Kirk: His rights end where the safety of the ship begins. You tell this crew member that he is on leave effective immediately. Captain's orders. Now what's this man's name?
Spock: James Kirk. Enjoy your vacation. - On Who's the Boss?, Angela took the family to therapy to work on the kids' sibling rivalry. After observing Tony's behavior, the therapist recommended Tony join a support group for supermom burnout.
Video Games
- Honkai Impact 3rd: In a special birthday event for Mei in 2020, you get a cutscene with you (Captain) and Mei on the rooftops, enjoying the sunset. You decide to take a photo of her with the sunset background, and she gives a beautiful smile. Right after that, you see her looking more solemn instead. The concerned Captain rightfully guesses that both her smile and her tendency to help others mask the fact that she didn't get to help herself or get any help from others to solve her own problems. She then laments how everyone around her has changed a lot while she can only watch and stay in one place without being able to do anything. The Captain then says that she has been helping others, she should take time to help herself, and that it's the Captain's duty to help her with her problems as well. The Captain additionally says that as Kiana (Mei's friend, who is gone to a faraway place and whom she missed quite a lot) is somewhere doing what she should do, it's time for Mei to take time doing what she should do as well.
Visual Novels
- The protagonist of Daughter for Dessert has two different ones:
- Realizing that he hasn’t had sex in a long time, he goes to a bar, hoping to pick up a girl.
- When he sleeps in, and Amanda has to open the diner for him, he wonders when he’s last had a day off.
- Implied with the protagonist of Melody. He cancels his Friday lesson with the title character in Week 5, saying that he needs to do something, and doesn’t want to be bothered with people asking for his help. We find out in the next chapter where he was: getting a massage.
Western Animation
- DuckTales (2017):
- "Last Christmas!" reveals that Scrooge does this every Christmas. The responsibilities he has are a bit much to handle, so he puts on an act of being The Grinch so people won't bother him as he hangs out with the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future to blow off some steam.
- This happens to Donald in "The Golden Spear". His stress hits such a high level that he starts molting and tries to get in a nap at the Manor. Various supernatural occurrences keep him from getting even a moment's rest and just add to his issues. The rest of the family catch on to this, and in honor of the work Donald has put in for ten years raising his nephews, they decide to send him on a nice quiet cruise where he can snooze all he wants. Donald tries to decline, citing that he has to look after the boys, but everyone insists that it's time he got a chance to relax.
- My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic: This is the lesson of "A Health of Information". Fluttershy vows to literally never rest until she has cured Zecora of her Swamp Fever, since she feels responsible for her condition. This includes staying up all night researching, followed by immediately flying off to a faraway location, and taking action while she's come down with Swamp Fever herself, all without taking a break. Eventually she ends up rushing into a confrontation with a swarm of vicious bees she can neither talk nor Stare her way out of, and she falls asleep for three days, wasting precious time as Zecora's condition worsens.
- She-Ra and the Princesses of Power: Adora's character arc is largely about her realizing the downfalls of her Chronic Hero Syndrome, and in the final season she's repeatedly confronted with the fact that she doesn't know what she wants and has abysmal self-worth. In the finale, she realizes she wants to live a happy life with her friends, and her desire to be with Catra is what gives her the strength to overcome Horde Prime's virus and save Etheria.
- Steven Universe: Future: One of the major themes in the series is a succession of these epiphanies on the part of Steven.
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003): In the fourth season Leonardo Took a Level in Jerkass as a result of the events of the third season finale. The rest of the group really weren't taking too well to Leo's new attitude but "Samurai Tourist" had Michaelangelo speaking in his defense, pointing out that being The Leader is not a glamorous or easy job, and the rest of the Turtles are the ones who really benefit from Leo doing the job, so they really should cut him a break.
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2012): Subverted in "New Girl In Town" when Leo gets tired of the lack of respect from his brothers and makes Raph the leader. Splinter tells him off for doing this, pointing out that leadership is not about appreciation but about making sure the job gets done. Yes, it would be nice to get some credit for your work but that is not what matters.
