Just For Fun: TV Tropes Additional Evil Overlord Vows Cellblock B
- If I have a choice between getting a new toy just because the overlord down the street got one, and upgrading my organization's equipment, I will get the equipment upgrade. Having a private battleship/space station/Kill Sat/etc./etc. is all well and good, but when the hero comes knocking, would you rather be shooting JHP ammo from a six-shooter or explosive bullets from a Tacticool?
- While I'm at it, I will allow my henchmen/legion of doom troops to submit suggestions for possible upgrades. Being on the field, they'll know what we need, and there's no sense letting the heroes exploit the same weakness over and over again.
- Keep in mind that revolvers actually suck and Katanas take several years of non-stop training to use effectively. Just because something works flawlessly on TV, doesn't mean it won't fall flat on it's ass in Real Life. That, and Minions have a horriffic track record when it comes to hiting something smaller than the side of my fortress. They don't do so well with swords, either.
- Who cares about real life? GENRE SAVVY!
- Again, for this one analyze the universe to see what practical limitations work and which don't.
- If the Idiot Ball is a physical object, I will take steps to weaponize it. I will also take steps to contain the weapons-grade stupidity seeping out of the weapon. It just won't do to have minions forget that the skinny end is the one that hurts (or you keep the ring and throw the ball).
- If my Evil Plans involve immersing myself in The Lifestream, I will first dip a toe in to see what happens. I will also wait an hour after eating to enter.
- Female minions will be given more protective equipment than metal lingere. Why that's necessary is detailed here.
- Failure will be punished by demotion and a round of brainwashing, rather than summary execution. Dead minions can't fight. Besides, brainwashing is fun!
- When assembling teams, I will go through everyone's backstories to check for possible sources of conflict. If one of the potential members happens to blame another for the tragedy that ruined his life, they do not work together.
- I will make it clear that anyone caught browsing a dirty magazine, playing a videogame, talking on his mobile phone, or napping while on duty will be fired. Out of a cannon. Negligence is what allows heroes to slip in.
- The smartass that uses some other means of entertainment under the rationale that "He didn't say we couldn't X!" will be set on fire. THEN fired out of a cannon.
- However, this will all be allowed while on break. Again, happy Mooks are hardworking Mooks.
- All Artifacts of power and relics will be destroyed along with all ruins that contain lost magic; those things are always a thorn in the side of every major Evil Overlord.
- Alternatively, I will hire a team of wizards and archaeologosists to find these ruins and study these Artifacts or lost spells to either create countermeasures against them or, if possible, use them myself. If neither is possible, I can at least destroy them all at once.
- I will have guards trained to recognize moving bushes.
- I will not use radiation or any radioactive materials in my lair; it is expensive enough to make specialized suits to resist radiation from Material X, not to mention that if there is a meltdown to a reactor it will cause terrible PR even if it is in an isolated area like a forest or the mountains, I don't want the EPA on my ass about killing off poor bunnies and forest animals from the explosion or the ensuing fallout. I may be an Evil Overlord, but even I have enough common sense.
- Only I will have the control to the magnetized chambers of my lair, I can't let anyone of my organization have such a device in their hands on the off chance they join my enemy; and possibly that they will muck around with it to make some damned faux hockey rink out of something I spent a lot of money on.
- Also: All of my minions will have implanted microchips used to repel the magnetization, which will destruct after their death to prevent usage.
- Minions will have their weapons integrated into their armor, such as helmet-mounted pistols and Arm Cannons. Armor will also be equipped with a toxin injector, the venom of which will be tailored not to hurt that minion (or their identical twin). Therefore, if a hero attempts to pull the old "clothing swap trick", he will get poisoned, and he will not be able to divest my minions of their guns.
- Alternatively, minions will wear suits with individually unique built-in computer system that is required to open locks, operate their weapons, etc. Each minion will have a unique microchip put either under their skin or under a flesh-colored patch, the absence of which will lock down the suit, trigger an alarm, and issuing a paralyzing electric shock if used on a lock, weapon, etc.
- If possible, I will also look into instead making a performance booster/healing serum for the suits that is toxic/caustic/acid/venom/poison/against the hero's personal code to use. If it one of the deadly options I will have all mooks either implanted/bio-engineered for resistance or treated to develop an immunity. This way resources in the suit are still helpful, but also serve as a method from keeping it from being worn.
- As an alternative, I will (if the technology exists) have my mooks' personality stored on a memory chip in their uniforms that will upload them into the body of whoever wears said uniform. Not only is it likely to kill the hero, but it also saves me having to train another soldier and may even give me another elite mook (of course, should they start acting like the hero, they will be executed and we will revert to the aforementioned systems).
- I will make sure factory by-products and mine tailings are properly disposed of. Living in the middle of Mordor, while great for atmosphere (figuratively, of course), just screams "He's fuckin' evil!!!"
- I will make it clear to Eagle Land and the pale-skinned folk that I recognize neither their apparent "right" to police the world nor their supposed "Natural Superiority", and if they want me to cough up the MacGuffin or disassemble my superweapons, they've got another thing coming. (It'll be riding an ICBM and will be able to take out a city). Moreover, if they want to come over and take it/her/them, they're gonna have a fight on their hands.
- However, I will only do this if I can actually back up my threats. Saddam Hussein learned the hard way that challenging such a foe who has you thoroughly outclassed in every respect is suicide. I will not attempt to bluff the bigger fish. Instead, I will do everything possible to make sure I am too small for them to care about. Propaganda is for the consumption of my subjects, not the rest of the world.
- Corollary: I will never believe my own propaganda. It's one thing for my army to think they can beat Eagle Land, but I must never imagine that I can if I can't.
- If I ever go a-conquering—you know, just me and the guys, as a mid-Sunday hunting trip—I will make sure to put someone competent, but not too ambitious on the throne in my absence. I will make it clear that I'm coming home, and the kingdom is on loan, not a gift. And if he fucks it up, I'll fuck him up.
- Also, if I find an abandoned baby, I will make sure to adopt him/her before it ends up getting Raised by Wolves. Those guys are always trouble.
- If I am dying and want to continue my plot by Brain Uploading, the supercomputer better have access to the internet or another area so I will not be bored in my confinement to a machine and I can create a copy or escape elsewhere.
- If there are any hostages important to the hero I will execute them immediately instead of stowing them somewhere they could be found, If confronted by the hero. I will lie and say that they are alive somewhere dangerous, luring the sod into a deathtrap or ambush. On the off chance that rage empowers or motivates the hero and he escapes to confront me, I will be well prepared with an escape route which will be destroyed upon my escape.
- If I have to create a computer virus, I will also create a program to circumvent the use of it on my own machinery, and if the enemy reverse engineers it by modifying the coding, the very same program will be based on the same source code to neutralize all assaults from that computer virus in general.
- I will not send any large animals against the hero, no matter how impressive they may be, unless I am certain that they are 100% loyal to me. Large mammals (elephants or lions) look awesome, but as soon as they are exposed to the hero's kindness, they will turn on me. Reptiles or predatory fish (snakes, sharkes, piranha) are reliably evil, but they are also indiscriminate - I do not wish to be finished by falling into my own crocodile pit. And an animal I control against its will shall invariably turn on me as soo as my influence is removed.
- Chimeras are a no go, even though it may seem interesting to mix and match creatures and play with life in general, they are still beasts and highly unpredictable.
- Collaries if they must be used
- They should be kept in confinement cages in a hallway and then set upon the hero at once when he enters, said cages must be durable enough so that they do not injure my henchmen. Said henchmen will not be allowed to feed or interact with them; there will be tubes for food and water above each cage. Henchmen who tease and anger them will be reprimanded as a warning and executed by me if they repeat their mistake. I will have alternate hallways and exits for henchmen if the Chimeras are loose.
- I will not make one strong enough that it will break free and run amok in the base, destroying everything and attacking my men, nor will I let it free myself. It will be kept under lock and key with a keycode and a piano and will only be released as a last resort. Before creating it though there must be a way how to kill it on the off chance it turns on me or joins the hero.
- The research lab that they are born in will only be a temporary stay for several weeks before being transported, I don't want them growing up and destroying a good research facility that I probably spent millions on.
- I will not make them part machine, even though it may seem easier to clean up after them, and are more durable than most, it is lengthy and expensive, and their machinery could be fried if the hero uses some type of electrical weaponry which would cause them to go amok or just short them out in general.
- However, if that "I created you so you can't touch me" thing is going on, I will use them.
- If it becomes necessary to escape from my base that is being invaded by superheroes/secret agents/robot badasses, I will have my troops yell out sentences like 'Prepare the escape pods', 'Power up the teleport' or 'Unlock that elevator to the centre of the Earth'. While they do this, I will silently walk out through the fire exit.
- I will take some of my cues from one Vladimir Putin. The man clearly has some clue what he's doing.