1 Days Left to Support a Troper-Created Project : Personal Space (discuss)

History JustForFun / TVTropesAdditionalEvilOverlordVowsCellblockB

22nd Apr '16 11:55:45 AM AHI-3000
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# If I am ever [[SealedEvilInACan bottled]], I will ensure that I am either unconscious or have some kind of entertainment. Also, if someone has released me demanding power, I will not kill them immediately, instead I will use their knowledge of the new time period, and give them a high position when I regain my authority.

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# If I am ever [[SealedEvilInACan bottled]], I will ensure that I am either unconscious or have some kind of entertainment. Also, Also if someone has released me demanding power, I will not kill them immediately, immediately; instead I will use their knowledge of the new time period, and give them a high position when I regain my authority.
22nd Apr '16 11:52:24 AM AHI-3000
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# I will make it clear that anyone caught [[VideoGame/MetalGearSolid browsing a dirty magazine]], [[VideoGame/MetalSlug playing a video game, talking on his mobile phone]], or [[TheGuardsMustBeCrazy napping]] while on duty will be fired. Out of a cannon. Negligence is what allows heroes to slip in.
# I will have guards trained to recognize [[MobileShrubbery moving bushes]] and [[VideoGame/MetalGearSolid cardboard boxes]].

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# I will have the guards trained to recognize [[MobileShrubbery moving bushes]] and [[VideoGame/MetalGearSolid cardboard boxes]].
# I will make it clear that anyone caught [[TheGuardsMustBeCrazy napping]], [[VideoGame/MetalGearSolid browsing a dirty magazine]], [[VideoGame/MetalSlug playing a video game, talking on his mobile phone]], or [[TheGuardsMustBeCrazy napping]] otherwise being distracted while on duty will be fired. Out fired -- out of a cannon. Negligence is what allows heroes intruders to slip in.
# I will have guards trained to recognize [[MobileShrubbery moving bushes]] and [[VideoGame/MetalGearSolid cardboard boxes]].
in.
22nd Apr '16 11:43:29 AM AHI-3000
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# If my opponent starts to [[MotorMouth ramble on]] [[TransformationSequence or transform]], [[TalkingIsAFreeAction I won't just stand there stupidly]] [[TransformationIsAFreeAction and wait for them to finish]]. I will shoot them while they're still vulnerable.

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# If my opponent starts to [[MotorMouth ramble on]] [[TransformationSequence or transform]], [[TalkingIsAFreeAction I won't just stand there stupidly]] [[TransformationIsAFreeAction and wait for them to finish]]. [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim I will shoot them while they're still vulnerable.vulnerable]].
22nd Apr '16 11:39:43 AM AHI-3000
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# Should {{time travel}} become available, I shall send a team to my parents when I am an infant, and proclaim a fake prophecy that I am a {{chosen one}}. They will also launch a propaganda campaign about my false prophecy, scoring [[VillainWithGoodPublicity publicity]] and making my path to power easier.

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# Should {{time travel}} become available, I shall send a team to my parents when I am an infant, and proclaim a fake prophecy that I am a {{chosen one}}. They will also launch a propaganda campaign about my false prophecy, scoring [[VillainWithGoodPublicity good publicity]] and making my path to power easier.
12th Dec '15 5:45:06 PM AHI-3000
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# If my {{evil plan}} involves an [[MacGuffin ancient artifact of great power]], I will take the time to study all information about it; If granting the hero a weapon capable of defeating me is the only way to obtain the artifact, I will pass it up for another artifact of similar power. In addition, I will look for an artifact that comes in one piece instead of several.

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# If my {{evil plan}} involves an [[MacGuffin ancient artifact of great power]], I will take the time to study all information about it; If if granting the hero a weapon capable of defeating me is the only way to obtain the artifact, I will pass it up for another artifact of similar power. In addition, I will look for an artifact that comes in one piece instead of several.
12th Dec '15 5:44:01 PM AHI-3000
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# If I am [[DarkActionGirl female]], then I should not overuse the privilege of claiming the hero is "[[HeManWomanHater misogynistic]]", and under no means will I objectify myself. If the hero actually is misogynist on a regular basis, I will first do my best to determine that I am not in an anti-feminist AuthorTract, and then call out his behavior as early and as often as possible to damage Team Good's morale.

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# If I am [[DarkActionGirl female]], then I should not overuse the privilege of claiming the hero is "[[HeManWomanHater misogynistic]]", and under no means will I objectify myself. If the hero actually is misogynist on a regular basis, I will first do my best to determine that I am not in an anti-feminist AuthorTract, and then call out his behavior as early and as often as possible to damage Team Good's morale.
21st Oct '15 9:13:39 AM AHI-3000
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# Given a choice between killing a specific high-ranking enemy with a 30 megaton ICBM, and a gun, I'd choose the gun. It does put me in danger, but it's the only way to bypass his {{plot armor}}.
# Unless I am sure that there's a [[LostAesop long lost moral to the story]], I will refrain from [[NotSoDifferent pointing out any contradictions]], [[WhatIsEvil grey areas]], [[HannibalLecture or other weaknesses in the hero's moral code]]. [[TheWarOnStraw Odds are that the author put more thought into rebutting my complaints than the complaints themselves]].
# If my death will trigger whatever nonsensical force causes my [[SupervillainLair evil lair]] [[CollapsingLair to collapse]], I will make sure this also applies with all [[TheEmpire imperial]] public structures such as aqueducts and mine shafts (just like my lair, I built most of them anyway). And I will remind the heroes that killing me will mean years of drought and mineral shortage to millions of people.
# Better yet, in addition to the above, I will have a {{doomsday device}} that detonates upon my death. This will make it far more difficult to defeat me.
# If the hero has a particularly [[TheCutie gentle, nice, and sweet companion]], I will not [[BreakTheCutie torture]] or otherwise [[BewareTheNiceOnes provoke him/her]]. I will, however, attempt to keep some genuinely nice, gentle people around who are loyal to me personally.
# The first thing that my Legions of Terror learn as part of their training will be that [[HollywoodTactics standing perfectly still and out in the open during a firefight]] is not going to help their life expectancy. Cover exists for a reason!
# If [[ArmorIsUseless body armor cannot protect my minions]], I won't issue it. What's the point?
# If I manage to capture one of the heroes, I'll figure out what kind of weakness allowed me to capture this one at first. Then perform other methods like psychic interrogation, DNA scanning and computer simulations for further discovery on their weaknesses and abilities. This data will then be present at the next advisers meeting for analysis and exploiting it.
# I will have minions search out every weapon merchant in the land and either employ him or buy out all his stocks. With any luck the heroes will have no access to equipment above the starters.
# I will refrain from using the [[StockPhrase standard supervillain insults]]. "Imbecile" and "{{You fool}}", lower minion self-esteem, and while they get the point across, are cliche.
# If I have other means to gain control of the kingdom than to force a princess to marry me, I'll go with this plan instead. Also, I'll make sure to remember that "princess" is not synonym to "first beauty in the country" or to "perfect wife for evil lord."
# A backstabbing wife can be dangerous to have around, but she can provide necessary training. If I never relax in her company, I'm less likely to relax when the hero comes to assassinate me.
# I will pretend to care for my minions to keep morale up, but in reality I will be sure that I do not, in any way, care about them. That way, I won't [[VillainousBreakdown go crazy]] should they [[HeelFaceTurn turn against me]].
# If I'm not already [[AxCrazy batshit insane]], I will at least [[ObfuscatingInsanity pretend to be]] [[InsanityDefense so I can plead insanity at my trial]] (If I get one, hopefully the hero will take pity on a "poor madman" and follow due process).
# I will have a suggestion box outside my office. This doesn't necessarily mean I'll ''read'' anything the mooks stuff in there, but it will raise morale.
# Mooks will have their libido suppressed to nil while on duty, [[AllMenArePerverts regardless]] of [[AllWomenAreLustful gender]]. My armies are at war, and while we're at it, they cannot be distracted by trivial matters such as sex.
# If the {{green rocks}} my {{mad scientist}} team is using in their research [[ToxicPhlebotinum causes horrendous mutation or death, but also can be used to do magic]], I will make sure to have the devices powered by it be bulletproof and make uniforms insulated against its radiation before having [[VideoGame/{{Singularity}} what amounts to little more than a bottle of the stuff and a handful of wires strapped to someone's arm]].
# The architect who designed my dungeon, its traps, and its escape routes is doomed from the moment he signed on. As are any external service personnel I absolutely must hire to provide upgrades, such as the poor sod who put in the central A/C.
# I will regularly train for combat with my most loyal and skilled henchmen. It's always important to sharpen my abilities, especially if I haven't gotten much personal experience in fighting.
# I will make myself look as human as possible. While looking [[DarkIsEvil demonic]], [[LightIsNotGood angelic]], or [[BeastMan animalistic]] will make me look more intimidating, [[WhatMeasureIsANonHuman it will also make it easier for the heroes to kill me if the time comes]].
# I will plan according to my budget. If I do not have the money to design and mass produce the kind of technology required for many of the above precautions or if I don't have the good managers required to supervise my minions and make sure they actually follow protocol at all times, I will try to find a less expensive option and fix what I can.
# Any idea which crosses my mind which seems to only be there because I think it would be cool, regardless of practicality or good sense will be ignored. Yes, developing bands of minions to act to [[FiveManBand popular character types]] would be pretty neat, but I wouldn't want to be distracted from my overall plans by the little things.
# If a minion or civilian suggests something that is halfway decent, I will give him the credit for a good idea, rather than [[GladIThoughtOfIt just stealing it]]. That way, if it fails, [[BlameGame I can finger-point.]]
# I will offer top-notch dental and medical benefits, as well as a GI's Grant. [[SignedUpForTheDental Loads of people sign up for that sort of thing.]]
# If for whatever reason, I need to talk with the hero while holding him at gunpoint, I will use three highly trained marksmen. One to shoot at him from the front where he expects it, one to shoot him after he dodges the first bullet, and one with a machine gun to completely obliterate the corpse.
# All weaponry that can overheat and explode in my face will have a temperature-operated failsafe, that will render the weapon completely inoperable if removed or tampered with, except for repairs and upgrades.
# My doomsday devices will not have a lengthy charge-up time, and will have a countdown timer just for show. They will be ready to use as soon as the hero waltzes into my control room. In addition, the conspicuous "off" button will activate the device immediately.
# If I take up playing an instrument, I will stay away from the {{ominous pipe organ}}.
# I will frequently [[ObfuscatingStupidity pretend stupidity]]. If the hero is {{genre savvy}}, he or she will be afraid and think twice before attacking. If not, I get an easy kill.
# I will bring recruits into my army by funding their education at my nation's top school, thereby ensuring they are intelligent and capable of quick thinking.
# I will always value a small force of capable people (read: able to cause more than a few minutes' setback to the hero) over a vast army consisting largely of weaker {{mooks}}.
# I will never wait with renewing whatever it is that sustains my life, but will do it as early and as often as possible.
# If I must sacrifice a virgin every full moon, then there will be a harem of virgins kept well fed and treated but always prepared in different locations. Holding off the search until the last minute will just make me do something really stupid, like go after the hero's girlfriend merely out of desperation.
# If my {{mad scientist}} creates a bunch of fully sapient monsters, with the emotional capacity for holding grudges, I will make sure that they aren't discriminated against. It would be disastrous if they betrayed me because I let them be treated as sub-human.
# Any secret agents or otherwise heavily trained soldiers from a distant land will be considered threats to my power.
# If I have to poison someone's drink, my drink will be a different color than my target's poisoned drink. Or I can use a poison [[AcquiredPoisonImmunity I am already immune to]], or barring that, [[CarryingTheAntidote have an anti-toxin ready ahead of schedule]]. The latter two options prevent the hero from trying to [[PoisonedChaliceSwitcheroo switch them]].
# If I must [[OneWingedAngel transform into a monster]] as a last resort, I will actually test it for combat performance ''before'' fighting {{the hero}}. If the form ends up [[ClippedWingAngel hindering me instead]], it will ''not'' be used.
# Before I turn myself to the dark side, I'll find out if it does in fact have the overwhelming power that it promises. If it turns out that the greater power will leave me at a huge disadvantage to the forces of good, then I will choose instead some other means to make my reign of evil a reality.
# I will always remember the motto: "[[ThereIsNoKillLikeOverkill Overkill is good]], overconfidence is not." If I kill a hero, I will not relax until I detonate his body to pieces, incinerate the pieces, fling the ashes into outer space (or better, into another dimension), and exorcise the site.
# Loud alarms in my base are reserved only for when an approaching army is sighted. If a lone enemy is sighted, a silent alarm will be raised and guards will simply patrol (but not appear to notice) the intruder, instead using the patrols to force the enemy into the dungeon, where they will be met with by my Elite Guard.
# If I build a secret room into a house, it will be underground, not behind a secret wall where anyone with a blue print or a decent sense of dimensions and spatial relations can spot it.
# I will also make sure the {{plucky comic relief}} cannot find the secret room by stumbling around and tripping into it.
# My security cameras will be placed in such a way that the hero cannot be out of sight by standing directly under the camera mounting.
# Just in case a hero has someone to take the bullet for them, I will always have an extra bullet more than I need to execute heroes. Furthermore, I will capitalize on the time it takes the hero to hear the rescuer's last words to line up my next shot and kill him.
# Local bands will be screened for [[GrailInTheGarbage magical instruments they just happened to find at a garage sale or the local pawnshop]]. Any band that has one, I will hire immediately to do my theme music, thus adding the awesome {{power of rock}} to my arsenal.
# If the end of my rule is inevitable, I'll search for a way to fake my death, establish a cult promising my messianic return, and preserve my body until the world is once again ready for me to take over.
# I will order all copies of the Evil Overlord List, and all subsequent derivatives, to be destroyed with the exception of a master copy which will remain in my safe deposit box for reference.
# My soldiers will wear devices that will sound an alarm if they are completely motionless or fall flat.
# If possible and necessary, I will turn myself into a powerful and free-willed undead who can resurrect after being killed again, such as a {{lich}}. This way, I'll just keep coming back. Of course, my {{soul jar}} will be under heavy guard in a secret room, with doors that only be opened from inside.
# Should I decide to split my soul, I will NOT keep the parts in [[Franchise/HarryPotter unique and glorious]] [[SoulJar items]]. Instead, I will use grains of sand in the Sahara and the Atlantic Ocean, and a small chunk of ice in the Arctic. And a screw on one of NASA's deep space probes.
# My soldiers will immediately destroy any towers and church steeples they encounter, as these are great sniper-blinds.
# I will not torture or kill the hero's friends in front of him. This increases the chance that his hidden powers will activate and kill me. I will take special care not to provoke the hero after I have won the fight.
# I will have a large group of highly-trained snipers guarding all sides of my fortress from any conceivable angle. One third of them will have [[LaserSight laser sights]]. The rest will have scopes.
# All powered armor, mecha walkers, and battleships (both of the seafaring and spacegoing variety) will have point-defenses, even if such measures are [[PointDefenseless largely worthless]]. Better safe than sorry.
# [[EvilOverlordList Rule #4]] will not only be my personal guideline, but also an official policy for all soldiers. There will also be a policy to always [[DoubleTap shoot a body twice]].
# Rather than use an obvious evil fortress, I will base my activities out of a reasonably-sized office suite that hosts a variety of offices for more legitimate businesses. The heroes should be hesitant to attack when there are so many innocent bystanders.
# I will not employ huge three-headed dogs who can be won over with honey to guard my [[DoomsdayDevice ultimate weapon]]. Instead, I will employ small and fluffy squirrels, who just so happen to be [[KillerRabbit vicious carnivores]], and will massacre the hero before he realizes his folly.
# I will never tell any of my henchmen that "I don't pay you to think." Yes, it's true that people who think too much might be a threat to my authority, but if I wanted a mindless robot, I'd make or hire a mindless robot.
# If I have a genie's lamp, I won't let [[Disney/{{Aladdin}} the hero trick me into]] [[BecomingTheGenie becoming an "all-powerful" genie]], if it would cost me my freedom.
# I will fool the heroes by building a false headquarters, misleading them into thinking that this is my personal base of operations. Once they enter expecting a [[FinalBoss climactic showdown]], they will instead be locked inside with explosive booby-traps to level the entire building.
# Should I ever meet the hero, I will instantly pretend to be my own "good twin", then offer to lead them to my "{{evil twin}}'s" lair. My soldiers will "kidnap" me when we approach, and thus lead the hero and his party into a trap.
# I will never try to make any [[DealWithTheDevil deals with demons]]. As tempting as it is to have an [[JackassGenie evil magical being]] [[MakeAWish grant my greatest wishes]], nothing can be worth [[BeCarefulWhatYouWishFor the price of my soul or anything just as important]].
# Should I foolishly sign a [[DealWithTheDevil contract with a demon]] anyway, I will hire a [[AmoralAttorney ruthless lawyer]] to help me [[LoopholeAbuse exploit any possible loopholes]] so I wouldn't have to pay my end of the bargain, and ensure that the [[OurDemonsAreDifferent demon]] can't [[JackassGenie try any similar trickery]].
# I will ensure that my henchmen and servants get to throw fun parties when they're off duty. Also, if the hero walks in on a group of people playing charades where someone is impersonating a goose, he will think twice about it being his nemesis's fortress.
# If a person carrying an oddly-colored sword walks into my kingdom, I will take a vacation elsewhere until that sword is out of my kingdom and not make any friendly or unfriendly overtures to the wielder. If the sword is black, I will move to another dimension and never return.
# If I'm ever at the mercy of the Hero, I will share any (real or false) stories about my [[FreudianExcuse unhappy childhood]]. If the Hero is empathetic towards apparently sympathetic villains, he would at least spare my life.
# There will be no architectural elements in my bases that can provide alternate pathways for intruders - no catwalks that go nowhere but provide footholds, no entirely pointless machinery to climb, no convenient handholds that serve no obvious purpose besides being convenient handholds.
# Even if all my advisers agree that {{no one could survive that}} blow I have just dealt to the hero, I will still chop his head off for good measure.
# If I'm ever seriously injured, I will fake being knocked stupid.
# All robotic duplicates will be built to look and act like the real thing. Any robot that says something like "Good morning, I am [[MostDefinitelyNotAVillain most definitely your sister]], [[SuspiciouslySpecificDenial and not a clone designed to spy on you]]" will be sold for scrap.
# In a sealed and airtight room, I will have all my [[GasMaskMooks minions wearing gas masks]] stand next to bright red barrels labeled "DANGER: EXPLOSIVE!". When damaged, the barrels will release a non-flammable, non-explosive poisonous gas that will kill anyone not wearing gas masks.
# If I create mutant {{super soldiers}}, I ''will not'' make the prototype my trusted lieutenant, as prototypes have a tendency to go insane. After field tests prove successful, I will kill the original and clone more stable and advanced versions.
# Playing ominous music that screams finality, nice as it is, tends to give the heroes the resolve to continue all the way through my citadel and confront me. Instead, when they invade, I will begin playing elevator music, which is much more likely to exhaust and depress the heroes.
# When hiring new troops, I will tell them that their stealth ops uniform is [[HighlyConspicuousUniform neon pink]]. Anyone who tells me how impractical that is will be promoted immediately.
# I will take a fairly neutral stance on {{transhuman}}ism. It will not be mandatory, nor will non-modified citizens be discriminated against. It will also not be illegal to undergo {{cyborg}}ization or {{bio augmentation}}.
# If I foolishly accept the hero's love interests' offer to become my consort, I shall never stop being suspicious of her, no matter how much time passes. Should she ever ask me about my weaknesses, I will lie.
# If one of my lieutenants turn out to be a [[TheStarscream traitor]], I will kill him, cut off his head, impale his head on a stake, and nail a sign on said stake that reads: "I do not tolerate [[ChronicBackstabbingDisorder double-crossing back-stabbers]]", for such people tend to be more trouble then they're worth.
# I will never ever try to take over the world by playing a '''[[WebVideo/YuGiOhTheAbridgedSeries children's card game]]'''.
# All shady biological experiments will be reported as being ethical and voluntary, even if it isn't.
# I will never write an autobiography based entirely in truth.
# [[VideoGame/ChronoTrigger If my minions find a parasitic creature draining energy from the entire planet]], I will not give into my urge to use it to run my superweapon. I will instead try to kill it.
# I will create a centralized licensing and registration system for all weapon manufacturers. All arms sales will be registered and tracked.
# I must remember that in the grand scheme of things, there isn't such a thing as {{complete immortality}}; I can be [[TheAgeless ageless]], [[NighInvulnerable invulnerable]], or both, but there will always be a way to shatter the magic and kill me. I will always keep this in mind no matter how assured my victory is.
# I will also ensure that if I lose my immortality, I will start to age normally, and I won't [[NoImmortalInertia rapidly age and decay into dust]].
# Before [[ImmortalitySeeker pursuing]] {{immortality}}, I will make sure I can turn it off when I've had enough. [[LivingForeverIsAwesome Ruling my empire for a thousand years would be awesome]]. [[WhoWantsToLiveForever Outliving the solar system and being stranded in a universe that will eventually die would decidedly NOT be awesome]].
# If I beat the heroes to any sort of [[McGuffin magic artifact]] that doesn't involve my own plans, I'll destroy the thing on the spot, not throw it into my dungeon in an easily accessed spot, the only exception will be if destroying the artifact will remove my powers.
# I should note the heroes rarely if ever disrupt my plans [[YouCantThwartStageOne as soon as they're getting off the ground]]. If I delay my plans I can take my sweet time fortifying my fortress, training my legions of evil, [[ArsonMurderAndJaywalking and]] [[KickTheDog kicking as many puppies]] as I want.
# If {{the power of love}} is an actual, metaphysical phenomenon in my universe, I will have my minions [[UnholyMatrimony paired off]] and sent out as {{battle couple}}s.
# The corridor leading to my {{artifact of doom}} will be full of highly visible and sweeping laser beams, that will distract intruders from the grid of invisible laser beams; as well as the sound, heat, and motion detectors.
# I will improve on every other villain's ideas and potential villain's ideas, including but not limited to this list.
# Should I attain victory, I will remember that [[VictoryIsBoring it will become boring eventually]], and remember to stop myself from [[WesternAnimation/{{Megamind}} creating my own new nemesis just to keep me entertained]]; sports and video games work just as well to keep me occupied when there's nothing else to conquer.
# I will not deny or undermine the effectiveness of [[ThoseLackingSpines cake-based cooking songs]] as [[CoolAndUnusualPunishment a form of torture]].
# If I am [[EvilVersusEvil competing with many other villains]] over the fate of the world, I will remember to paint myself as the [[LesserOfTwoEvils least of all the evils]], as this is great for [[VillainWithGoodPublicity propaganda]], along with [[EnemyMine making temporary alliances with heroes]] if that should ever become necessary.
# If I rise to power by [[DragonAscendant replacing my boss]], I will not lash out if my former leader returns, odds are whatever helped him cheat death could turn me into a puddle of molten flesh in an instant. Instead, I'll return to serving him until I find what his weakness is, and then direct the heroes to it so I can take him out when I get the chance.
# [[Film/{{Screamers}} I will not use a horde of tiny killing machines to pacify a planet. Especially if the item that makes them ignore my troops has to be calibrated every so often.]]
# If I use any sort of long and complex deathtrap, I'll make sure that in case of escape, I will personally implement it. That way, when the hero thinks he's been smart and escaped through the {{absurdly spacious sewer}}, or wherever it may lead, I will be waiting. With a gun.
# If I absolutely must have brainwashed henchmen, I will not give them the keys to my inner chambers.
# Before I send my assassins to kill someone, I will give them bags full of hair trimmings collected from the local barber shop, or other random genetic material, to [[TheCSIEffect contaminate the crime scene with]].
# I will prevent the creation of potential heroes by appointing their families to important positions in my government, and molding any would-be heroes into my [[TheDragon right-hand men]].
# I will remember that the power of hope is not the exclusive [[EvilVirtues virtue]] of the good guys.
# Self-preservation will always come before the plan, if I fail and everything starts to come down around me, I ''will not'' let pride get the better of me and go down with the ship or commit suicide, I'll drop what I'm doing and escape immediately.
# I will never underestimate the advantages of good intel and high power sniper rifles. It may not be chivalrous or fair to shoot the hero in the back from miles away but I am more likely to succeed this way. If it does not work I will carry on trying at random intervals.
# I will never, ever create technology that can [[Webcomic/AGirlAndHerFed bypass all security and lay bare the secrets of everyone, and drive the users insane so they can be controlled more easily]]. That shit not only gets you nowhere, it usually ends with rebellions and your creations being used against you.
# I will endeavor to use reason to combat enemy tactics. For example, if a book must be banned because it is enemy propaganda, I will explain why to the public and point out passages that directly oppose the empire's values, or explain the possible consequences of people reading the novel.
# I will give all possible military aid to allied nations, so that the hero will have trouble finding allies there who oppose me.
# If I must kill someone and I know that the public will inevitably hear about it, I will explain why I did it and why it was unavoidable, placing emphasis on any treason, rebellion, or other detrimental aspects of the victim's life.
# I will not live in my fortress, instead, I will hide in my grandmother's basement and have my fortress presided over by a robotic replica of someone I hate. This robot will do all the dirty work and, with luck, get killed by the heroes while I am safe to watch them hack it up.
# I'll watch out for any [[DecoyProtagonist fake heroes]], if someone threatening my regime dies quickly enough that I say "That was too easy", I'm probably right. I'll investigate the family ties related to the person I just killed, and deduce which one will most likely grow up to be the revenge-seeking hero.
# I'll also watch out for any [[SupportingProtagonist sidekicks]], if my spies reveal the leader of the [[FiveManBand band of heroes]] coming for me doesn't have a reason for wanting my death besides my generic villainy, I'll direct my resources away from him to the others and try to find out who the real {{hero}} or {{chosen one}} among them is.
# I will always assume that my evil plans can fail at any given point, whether it be anywhere from before it begins to moments before its completion, and plan accordingly. Also, I will keep Murphy's law in mind.
# I will do my research and ensure that my opponent does not [[Literature/WarriorCats believe in an entity that grants him multiple lives]]. If so, I will find a way to get rid of his additional lives '''before''' facing him. After all, finding out only during a battle usually leads to [[CurbStompBattle unpleasant surprises]] and death.
# If I steal something of value from the hero, I won't [[StolenGoodReturnedBetter upgrade it for my own personal use]], eventually the hero will wind up taking it back, and he will have an upgraded item made with my resources.
# If the entire [[FiveManBand party of heroes]] has been captured and imprisoned, they will be locked up separately, [[TeamPet their pet]] who could help them escape will be isolated, and the smartest guards (or at least ones with some common sense) will be assigned to watch them.
# [[InfantImmortality I won't try to kill infants]], especially that [[ChosenOne one prophesied to defeat me]]. [[SelfFulfillingProphecy I won't fall into the trap of trying to kill a kid who otherwise wouldn't be a threat until I make him one]]. Instead I will raise the child as my heir, and I'll fulfill the letter of the prophesy by having him beat me at a kid's game or sport.
# In the event that the hero enters my lair, I will [[DisguisedHostageGambit disguise myself as a butler, have my butler disguised as me,]] and once he kills the butler, and has his moment of triumph, I will kill him with a simple shot to the back of the head.
# I will remember that my [[EliteMooks special forces]] who have never lost a battle, can still be defeated. Too many Evil Overlords have relied too heavily on them and are soon left with no elite warriors after the Hero eventually kills them.
# I will not underestimate an enemy army just because we have outnumbered them. They may still have a chance of prevailing.
# If I'm draining life energy from people, harvesting organs, or extracting bodily fluids from corpses, then I will make sure to do the grisly work in a clean environment out of sight. While it may be useful to have corpses laying around to instill an air of fear... I should at least be able to keep things neat and tidy when necessary.
# Guards will always carry a list with names and descriptions of people who are allowed entrance. Allowing in anyone who's not on the list will result in execution. Anyone who refuses to believe their names aren't on the list, and insists "there must be some kind of mistake", will be interrogated outside the premises.
# If I ever find myself in a situation where me and my enemy are standing at opposite ends of a room with guns aimed at each other, I will skip over the dialogue and just shoot him in the head before he causes any more trouble.
# If my demise is inevitable, and there's ''nothing'' I can do to save myself, I'll attempt to {{face death with dignity}} (or at least hide the shame). Nothing's more humiliating than revealing oneself to be a [[DirtyCoward pathetic coward]] or a {{sore loser}} in their final moments.
21st Oct '15 9:10:31 AM AHI-3000
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# I will assume the hero is {{genre savvy}}, even if he has been shown to be an {{idiot hero}} as that could just be a ruse to make me feel too secure in my victory.
# If my opponent really is an {{idiot hero}}, then they will have an intelligent but cold ally that the hero will rarely listen to. I will kill this person before the hero can teach them about instinct and friendship, since after they learn about that, they will become a realistic threat to my plans.
# Before my rise to glory, I will kill all of my past mentors/teachers and replace them in their schools with substitutes and explain that said mentor/teacher went abroad to study. I will also make sure to silence all witnesses.
# I will leave various communicators laying in the ground where ever I go that ring any theme tunes associated with me when they sense the vibrations of people's footsteps. If answered, it will explode.
# If behind an unbreakable force field with my enemy trying to get in, I will also pay attention to all other degrees of vision. Chances are my unbreakable force field is, on the contrary, breakable, and it just so happens something ready to break it is nearby.
# Should {{time travel}} become available, I shall send a team to my parents when I am an infant, and proclaim a fake prophecy that I am a {{chosen one}}. They will also launch a propaganda campaign about my false prophecy, scoring [[VillainWithGoodPublicity publicity]] and making my path to power easier.
# Another {{time travel}} team will be sent to the pasts of any heroes and other enemies, where they will use any means possible to ensure that [[MakeWrongWhatOnceWentRight they won't grow up to become a threat to me]]. Whether this involves killing them, or covertly changing their lives will depend on what's more convenient.
# But when using {{time travel}}, I ''will'' make sure that what I am doing will not cause [[ButterflyOfDoom undesirable consequences]] or a {{time paradox}}. If I cannot be absolutely sure of that, no matter how tempting it may be, I will ''not'' use time travel at all.
# I won't trust people who [[HeelFaceRevolvingDoor constantly change sides]]. They are just as untrustworthy as they are (un)predictable.
# My secret password will not be something ridiculously easy, such as [[Film/{{Spaceballs}} 1-2-3-4-5]]. It's too obvious and {{the hero}} will probably try that option, if only to get it out of the way.
# I will consider using improvised weaponry.
# If the hero wishes to try and disengage the main generator he will have to enter a chamber that is flooded with radiation. The radiation will only be vented with my expressed permission.
# When my henchman says, "[[NoOneCouldSurviveThat No one could've survived that fall]]," I will reply, "Why don't you find out," and push him over after the hero.
# I will maintain a healthy sense of humor about all aspects of my life. Then, if the hero attempts to goad me into making a rash mistake by mentioning something that might be a sore topic for me, I will simply laugh, say "You got me there!" and shoot him. Between the eyes. ''Twice.''
# My lieutenants will be expected to have read Sun Tzu's ''Literature/TheArtOfWar'' and ''UsefulNotes/TheThirtySixStratagems''. But of course they should have plenty of field experience, as ruperts that learned all they know from books tend to think everything goes exactly as planned.
# If I'm fighting a hero whose family, friends, or loved ones I murdered, I will not taunt them by telling them "[[WouldYouLikeToHearHowTheyDied So-and-so begged me to spare his/her life]]". That's more than just flirting with death, that's raping him.
# None of my officers will be professional [[TennisBoss tennis players]].
# My Legion of Doom will never go out into battle with money or valuables in their possession, especially if they have a knack for dropping all of this when they die.
# If my Legions of Doom manage to put one of the heroes in a state where he attacks his allies rather than them, they will be instructed not to attack said hero until all his friends are dead or he is no longer in said state. The same thing goes for if they manage to render one of them unconscious.
# I will make use of a suit of {{animated armor}} or other robotic double, while I am somewhere else - preferably a bunker in the ass-end of Siberia or some other hellishly inhospitable place that would take a massive amount of preparation to get to.
# Before I order the death of someone trying to reveal my dark secret, I will first consider the the level of deniability I have. If the revelation will only be believed by crazy {{conspiracy theorist}}s, it would actually work to my advantage. However if the person planning to do this is the Hero, I will have them killed immediately, as they will inevitably get their hands on the evidence.
# For similar reasons, if practical I will actively try to make myself one of [[UsefulNotes/ConspiracyTheories the stock villains of crazy conspiracy theorists]]. Somebody planning to control the world will find that the perfect hiding place is within the Freemasons or Catholic Church.
# [[ShoutOut Remember, boys and girls, there's no shame in the]] {{groin attack}}. [[Literature/InheritanceCycle You are a bad guy, after all, nobody expects you to play fair.]]
# If my opponent starts to [[MotorMouth ramble on]] [[TransformationSequence or transform]], [[TalkingIsAFreeAction I won't just stand there stupidly]] [[TransformationIsAFreeAction and wait for them to finish]]. I will shoot them while they're still vulnerable.
# I will never harm the loved ones of [[BondVillainStupidity a hero I underestimate and leave the hero free]]. They will prove to be [[{{Determinator}} fanatically]] [[UndyingLoyalty loyal]] and [[LetsGetDangerous very dangerous]], and will embark on a {{roaring rampage of revenge}} against me. No matter how much I underestimate the hero I will [[JustShootHim kill him first]], then kill all of his relations right afterwards, just in case he is the wrong hero.
# My Legions of Doom will not use melee weapons if there are there are plenty of firearms lying around, especially if {{the hero}} is using guns without mercy. It's just dumb and suicidal otherwise.
# I will place political prisoners in the same cell blocks as regular criminals. That way if the hero decides to start releasing inmates indiscriminately, I can go on TV and publicly demand to know why he thought it was a good idea to [[NiceJobBreakingItHero put serial killers and multiple rapists back on the streets]].
# I will also hire several assassins, equip them with poison daggers, and have them masquerade as prisoners. When the hero shows up to throw open the doors of the prison, their job will be to discretely stab him/her on the way out.
# I will not allow minions to [[ActionBomb strap explosives onto themselves for when things go south]]. This just leads to trouble when I'm trying to execute them, and makes them more vulnerable.
# If I decide to [[DoomedHometown destroy an entire town]], I will remember to kill any [[KidHero children]] who would grow up to [[RoaringRampageOfRevenge seek revenge against me]].
# If the hero gives me a box that he claims contains an object I really want, I'll make sure the box isn't empty before I let him go.
# If I make a bargain with anyone, I will do my best to actually hold up my end; lest it come back to bite me in the ass later. They only time I will backstab anyone is if I can kill everyone involved who could conceivably get back at me.
# All minions (or at least as many as is practical) will be required to know basic first aid.
# I will be an [[EqualOpportunityEvil equal opportunity employer]].
# I will not give away my backstory or plans for world domination to the heroes. They can either figure them out on their own or die trying. I have a country/megacorp to run, I have no time to give exposition.
# If my {{evil plan}} involves an [[MacGuffin ancient artifact of great power]], I will take the time to study all information about it; If granting the hero a weapon capable of defeating me is the only way to obtain the artifact, I will pass it up for another artifact of similar power. In addition, I will look for an artifact that comes in one piece instead of several.
# Before sending demonic shapeshifters to infiltrate the enemy, I will make sure that no [[EvilDetectingDog animals]] or [[InvisibleToAdults children]] are able to see through their disguises. They will also be trained to refrain from any kind of nonhuman behavior.
# If I am an attractive female overlord, I will dye my hair red before encountering the hero, [[EvilRedhead if it isn't already red]]. {{Heroes want redheads}}, after all, so I can distract him long enough for me to kill him.
# If I am an attractive [[EvenTheGuysWantHim male]] overlord, I will merely open my jumpsuit during such an encounter for the same effect.
# I will use holographic doubles for traps and ambushes.
# I will make sure that any invisibility devices do not [[InvisibilityFlicker stop working at awkward times]].
# If I am [[DarkActionGirl female]], then I should not overuse the privilege of claiming the hero is "[[HeManWomanHater misogynistic]]", and under no means will I objectify myself. If the hero actually is misogynist on a regular basis, I will first do my best to determine that I am not in an anti-feminist AuthorTract, and then call out his behavior as early and as often as possible to damage Team Good's morale.
# Minions will be able to gang up on enemies and attack ''relentlessly'', and not [[MookChivalry sit around waiting their turn to fight]].
# If the hero falls over, the minions will shank the SOB. He'd get them if they fell down, so why be so fucking nice?
# [[MechaMooks Robots]] will have their battery packs securely fastened at all times, and electrified. That way, if someone tries to [[WeaksauceWeakness swipe the power core]], they just hurt themselves.
# Robots will not be linked to a central computer. Instead, they will operate on a {{hive mind}} with ''me'' at the center. Rather than [[DecapitatedArmy shutting down if I bite it]], they will [[TurnsRed go into Revenge Mode]].
# I will [[HellIsThatNoise play creepy music when my most horrifically disfigured minions attack the hero]], as well as [[MindScrew flood the corridor with hallucinogens]]. That way, I only need to play the song to reduce him to a gibbering wreck.
# I will not use an [[EvilTowerOfOminousness ominously evil tower]]. Ostentatious lairs are what get stupid overlords killed.
# Combat uniforms will have no [[HighlyConspicuousUniform eye-catching colors]], regardless of how good red-on-black or florescent green on black looks. Camouflage was invented for a reason.
# I will not have any bases that are underwater. The potential disaster would be far deadlier than the destruction of a normal fortress.
# I will run thorough background checks on anyone applying to join my security forces, and root out any possible spies.
# I will not use [[NightOfTheLivingMooks an army of the living dead]]. [[ZombieApocalypse Zombies are far more trouble than they're worth]], unless their curse ''isn't'' [[TheVirus contagious]], and I can keep them under my full control.
# I will not use minions who [[SlaveMooks desert, defect, or out-and-out panic]] when [[DecapitatedArmy their leader dies]]. If my soldiers can't be loyal in the first place, putting them under control of a slave driver is just going to make trouble.
# As an alternative to [[EvilOverlordList Rule #67]], should we have a security system that shorts out so often that my guards begin to become jaded to it, I will inquire after something more robust.
# If I wear a [[BlackCloak supervillain cape]], it will be easily detachable so it won't [[CapeSnag cause any deadly accidents]].
# If an underling ever [[StatingTheSimpleSolution asks why I don't simply shoot the hero]] there and then, and I don't have reasonable answer, they may be right and shall be rewarded. But only after I simply shoot the hero, should it be possible to do that very soon.
# If I learned that hero was raised in a certain orphanage that he still considers home, I will not send my legion to run it down. Instead, I will "offer" to fund the place and reorganize it - using my [[EarWorm catchy theme song]] as the orphanage's anthem is the very first step.
# I will never assume that {{the hero}} is incapable of winning, [[TheGoodGuysAlwaysWin as this is something they're known for doing]] ([[TheBadGuyWins with some occasional exceptions aside]]). I won't underestimate how a combination of [[HeroicSpirit their bravery and determination]] along with [[DeusExMachina sheer dumb luck]] will often allow them to triumph.
# If possible, I will avoid having me and [[{{Mooks}} my]] [[RedshirtArmy forces]] engage [[{{Badass}} the]] [[OneManArmy hero]] in direct combat, as this usually won't end well. Whenever circumstances permit, I'll focus my efforts on assassinating the hero in as secretive and unexpected a manner as possible.
# It has been scientifically proven that nothing good can come out of leaving a hero alive for as long as possible. Any options for needless conversation or trying to take him prisoner will be thrown out, [[WhyDontYouJustShootHim he will be killed immediately as soon as he becomes vulnerable]].
21st Oct '15 8:46:32 AM AHI-3000
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4th Oct '15 3:02:23 PM AHI-3000
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# I must remember that in the grand scheme, there isn't such a thing as {{immortality}}; I can be invincible, ageless, or both, but there will always be a way to shatter the magic and kill me. I will always keep this in mind no matter how assured my victory is.
# Before pursuing {{immortality}}, I will make sure I can turn it off when I've had enough. [[LivingForeverIsAwesome Ruling my empire for a thousand years would be awesome]]. [[WhoWantsToLiveForever Outliving the solar system and being stranded in a universe that will eventually die would decidedly NOT be awesome]].

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# I must remember that in the grand scheme, scheme of things, there isn't such a thing as {{immortality}}; {{complete immortality}}; I can be invincible, ageless, [[TheAgeless ageless]], [[NighInvulnerable invulnerable]], or both, but there will always be a way to shatter the magic and kill me. I will always keep this in mind no matter how assured my victory is.
# I will also ensure that if I lose my immortality, I will start to age normally, and I won't [[NoImmortalInertia rapidly age and decay into dust]].
# Before pursuing [[ImmortalitySeeker pursuing]] {{immortality}}, I will make sure I can turn it off when I've had enough. [[LivingForeverIsAwesome Ruling my empire for a thousand years would be awesome]]. [[WhoWantsToLiveForever Outliving the solar system and being stranded in a universe that will eventually die would decidedly NOT be awesome]].
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