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The Lost Hero
- A minor one, but Clovis, the one-and-a-half scene wonder, during the campfire scene when he thinks they're taking roll call.
- Leo meeting his dad for the first time: "Holy Mother!" "It's 'holy father', boy. I would think you'd know the difference."
- "The cow says moo!"
- Happy the dragon.
Leo: I'm a special boy.
- "Die, mosquito! Die, mosquito!"
The Son of Neptune
- Mars' prophecy in "Son of Neptune".
Octavian: This says "Go to Alaska. Find Thanatos and free him. Come back by sundown on June twenty-fourth or die."Mars: Yes. Is that not clear?Octavian: Well, my lord... usually prophecies are unclear. They're wrapped in riddles. They rhyme, and...Mars (casually pulling out a grenade): Yes?Octavian: The prophecy is clear! A quest!Mars: Good answer.
- In Titan's Curse, Percy & Co. track down Nereus, the old man of the sea, so they can shake him up for some answers. When they pass by him in Son of Neptune, Nereus points one bony finger at Percy and mouths, "Don't even think about it."
- Frank bashing Alcyoneus repeatedly on the nose with his shield to keep him unconscious while they drag him out of Alaska.
- The video-scroll message that is almost at the ending of "Son Of Neptune" can count as funny.
Leo: What's my title? Am I like admiral, or captain, or...Piper: Repair Boy.Leo: Very funny, Piper.
- This exchange in The Son of Neptune when Hazel and Frank explain the war games to Percy:
Hazel: "No one dies. Well, not usually And if they do-"Frank: (imitating Vitellius) "They're wimps! Back in my day, we died all the time, and we liked it!"
- And this one, between Frank and Percy:
Frank: Can your sword do grenade form?Percy: No. Shut up.
- "Spears are good for subtraction."
- Percy is mad because Poseidon gave the Zhangs the power to change shape while he can't, rendering Frank nearly speechless given the terrifyingly awesome powers Percy has revealed; giant fists of Tiber water, exploding water cannon, mini-hurricanes...
- Percy's reaction to accidentally finding Polybotes leading the invasion army south toward New Rome.
- Anything to do with schist.
- "Please don't let there be an app for reaping souls."
- "Percy hated tests. Since he lost his memory, his entire life felt like one big fill-in-the-blank. He was __ from __, he felt like __, and if the monsters caught him, he'd be __."
- A conversation between June and Percy:
June: All roads lead there, child. You should know that.Percy: Detention?
- Percy asks a whale to carry them to Alaska. The whale asks if they're seals, and Percy replies, 'No, but I've got a man satchel full of macrobiotic beef jerky.'
Promise not to feed me this, and I will take you north.
- Pretty much anything to do with Percy's rainbow man-satchel, actually.
- "O Fleecy, do me a solid. Show Reyna at Camp Jupiter."
- Iris calls the people who work in her store ROFLcopters.
- When Frank asks Percy if Arion is "tame".
Percy: I don't think so. He just said "I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man"Hazel: You speak Horse?!Frank: Baby Man??!!
he [Arion] snorted with satisfaction, as if to say, "That's how we run, fools!"
- Anything Percy Translates for Arion
- Theres also the messages the narrator interprets from Arion:
- Percy and Hazel's individual reactions to finding out that Arion the horse is a son of Neptune were pretty priceless.
- As in the first series, half the things Tyson is involved in. One gem in particular, involving Ella:
Ella: The groin. The Earthborn's groin is sensitive.SMASH!Ella: Good. Yes. Tyson found its groin.
- "The coffee shops were doing a brisk business, and street musicians filled the air with the sounds of guitar, lyre, panpipes, and armpit noises."
- This exchange:
Terminus: You seem to be clean. Do you have anything to declare?Percy: Yes. I declare this is stupid.
Terminus: Ha ha! You see that? I am strangling you with my mighty arms!*Polybotes looks at him like he's crazy, and then proceeds to smash the bust Terminus is inhabiting.Terminus' head: OH YOU DID NOT! I AM VERY ANGRY NOW!
- Pretty much anything Terminus says. He's very sensitive about his lack of arms, as well as being Super OCD.
- "Tree. Tree. Tree."
- "Octavian screamed in a shrill voice — maybe ordering the First Cohort to stand their ground, maybe trying to sing soprano..."
- Mars asking the Roman legionnaires for a pen. Nobody has one.
"Two hundred Romans, and no one's got a pen?"
- This one gets funnier in hindsight when you find out that Percy's sword, Riptide, actually can do pen form (when the cap is placed on the opposite end) in House of Hades.
- When Octavian gives Frank the laurel wreath badge and promotes him to the rank of centurion:
Senator 1: He's still a probie!Senator 2: Impossible!Senator 3: Water cannon up my nose!
- Finding out that Amazon.com is run by Amazons.
- Hazel sees some of the Amazons reading what she guesses are some sort of laptops - secret advanced Amazon technology. Doubly funny if you happen to be reading the book on a Kindle.
- "Welcome to Canada, idiot."
- Frank and his grandmother snarking at each other.
- Frank: Weapons. Right. I've never handled weapons before.Grandmother: Was that sarcasm, Fai Zhang?Frank: Yes, Grandmother.Grandmother: Good. There may be hope for you yet.
Mark of Athena
- Team Leo. Enough said.
- Not enough said. "Hot Stuff" anybody?
- STILL not enough said. The ENTIRE sequence where Leo trys to get all the nymphs away from Narcicuss's pool so that they can get the sheet of Celestial bronze is frickin' hilarious.
- There's also the fact that after Narcissus wins his fangirls back, one of them is still on Team Leo.
- Not enough said. "Hot Stuff" anybody?
- Narcissus' fangirls having their fangirling moments.
- Leo and Hazel's first encounter with Echo.
Leo: Blue Elephants.Echo: Blue Elephants.Leo: Kiss me, you fool.Echo: You fool.Leo: Hey!Echo: Hey!
- "Tremble before the horror of Diet Coke!"
- "Oh, no. I am turning into a crazy dolphin."
Percy: Oh no, Frank's turning into a crazy dolphin!*Nothing happens.Percy: I said, Oh no, Frank is turning into a crazy dolphin!
- While it's funny out-of-context, it's even better in context. Spoilers for Mark Of Athena ahead: Percy manages to improvise a plan to scare Chrysaor and his dolphin-men soldiers off the Argo II. This plan involves convincing the dolphin-men that Dionysus is the captain of this boat, since he's the god that turned them into dolphin-men in the first place. Piper and Hazel fake having suddenly gone insane, and Percy hints to Frank that he should pretend to go crazy too, while transforming into a dolphin to really convince them. Unfortunately, Frank doesn't quite catch on to the plan immediately.
- Percy and Annabeth wake up next to each other. Frank is completely red and Coach Hedge grounds Annabeth!
Annabeth: We just came down here to talk. We fell asleep. Accidentally. That's it.Percy: Kissed a couple of times.Annabeth: Not helping!
- The grounding wasn't even the best part. It's implied, though not outright stated for obvious demographic reasons, that the reason everyone is so upset by Percy and Annabeth falling asleep in the same room is because they immediately jump to... extreme conclusions. And everyone's reactions based on this assumption is hilarious. Frank gets flustered and blushes a lot. Piper and Jason are more relieved to find them safe than surprised to find them safe together. Hazel, being from the 1940's, is absolutely scandalized. Leo just chuckles and keeps muttering "Classic, classic..." And then there's Percy, who seems completely nonplussed by the idea of diffusing the situation.
- Frank shapeshifting into an iguana to get out of Chinese Fingertraps. Leo's comment after he does so is even better.
Leo: Yes, that is exactly how people escape Chinese Fingertraps. They turn into iguanas.
- Even better? Leo was attempting to impersonate Chiron of all people.
- Annabeth judo-flipping Percy when they reunite, after the Reunion Kiss of course.
- Best part is Percy's reaction: he just laughs, saying "Consider me warned. I missed you too" while still on the ground, her foot on his chest and having his arm pulled. He knew all this was coming, you just know it.
- Three words. "Dude. A goldfish?"
- "Nasty creatures. Keto must really hate you guys."
- This gem:
"Yes, the MAP IN CHARLESTON," Frank said loudly, giving Percy a wide-eyed look to make sure he hasn't missed the information. He couldn't have been more obvious if he had held up a large sign that read CLUE!!!!!
- During the chaos of some very angry Romans due to a possessed Leo calmly firing at New Rome from the Argo II many fauns took advantage of this and ran off with whatever food they could carry.
One trotted by Annabeth with his arms full of tacos and an entire pineapple between his teeth.
- In Charleston:
All around the Romans, Charleston Harbor erupted like a Las Vegas fountain putting on a show. When the wall of seawater subsided, the three Romans were in the bay, spluttering and frantically trying to stay afloat in their armor. Percy stood on the dock, holding Annabeth’s dagger.Percy: You dropped this.Annabeth: I love you!
- Just before Percy, Piper and Jason fight the twins, we get this little conversation:
Percy: I'm getting tired of this guy's shirt.Piper: Combat time?Jason: I hate Wonder bread.
- When Nico finally comes to after being freed from the bronze jar, he starts groaning and crawling away. Percy considers throwing Wonder Bread at him to make him shut up.
- Everything about Otis and Ephialtes: the accidentally coordinated outfits, the skintight baby blue leotard, the fact that their idea of Bread and Circuses is Wonder Bread and the total destruction of Rome...
House of Hades
- A meta-example, but Riordan's dedication before the book even starts:
- Annabeth and Percy are up against Nyx, the primordial goddess of Night, who is forty-feet tall, made of darkness, and is in a flying chariot pulled by vampire shadow horses. What do they do? Pretend to be disgruntled tourists traveling Tartarus and distract her long enough to jump into her Mansion of Night. All in some of the funniest chapters in the book.
Nyx: You — miserable — tourists! How dare you not whimper and beg for my autograph and a picture for your scrapbook!
- As Percy faces off against Akhys and has found out that he can't touch her due to the Death Mist, he hopes she can't touch him in turn. This leads to an unexpected (but hilarious) bit of 1337 lingo:
He imagined the Fates up in Olympus, laughing at his wishful thinking: LOL, NOOB!
- Piper snarking at Khione:
Khione: Jason will grace my throne room.Piper: Clever. Take you all day to think up that line?
- When Leo is in Ogygia, Calypso's island.
Calypso obviously didn't want to see him. One time he poked his head inside the cave and she freaked out, yelling and throwing pots at his head.
Yeah, she was definitely on Team Leo.
It occurred to him that there is nothing hotter than a girl who was willing to get her hands dirty. Though that was just a general observation and did not apply to Calypso. Obviously.[Calypso] was wearing red today - Leo's favorite color. That was irrelevant. She looked really good in red. Also irrelevant.
- Both Leo and Calypso trying, and failing, to convince themselves that they are not falling in love with each other.
- "You could sing, and I could, like, randomly burst into flames or something."
The Blood of Olympus
- Percy's utter confusion at Nico's admission coupled with Annabeth getting it right away. As well as Nico and Annabeth repeatedly cutting Percy's "wait, so you mean"s off through the conversation.
Nico “But it’s cool. We’re cool. I mean, I see now... you’re cute, but you’re not my type.”Percy “I’m not your type... Wait. So—”
- Annabeth high-fives Nico after this. Whether it's in congratulations for getting that off his chest or agreeing that Percy is cute is left to the reader.
- Leo setting the mechanical Hygeia and her pet snake on "idiot mode." Highlights include the snake bashing itself into a wall repeatedly. But even funnier is what Leo puts on the waiting room screen afterwards:
THE DOCTOR IS: IN DA HOUSENOW SERVING: ALL DA LADIES LUV LEO!
- Hygeia playing the role of a receptionist for Asclepius, one who's obsessed with health insurance and cleanliness. And Asclepius himself is exasperated by this, saying she takes all the fun out of medicine, and also mentions the real Hygeia isn't at all like the statue.
- Annabeth's respone to Piper's unflinching decision to leap down a randomly-timed fire geyser tunnel, even if it was the only way down there.
"Piper, that was without a doubt the dumbest thing I've seen anyone do, and I date a dumb risk-taker!"
- Any interaction between Percy and Leo
"Like your zodiac sign?" Percy said. "I’m a Leo."“No, stupid.” Leo said. “I’m a Leo. You’re a Percy."
"What if we promoted, like, Adidas shoes?" Percy wondered. "Would that make Nike mad enough to show up?"Leo smiled nervously. Maybe he and Percy did share something else-a stupid sense of humor. "Yeah, I bet that would totally be against her sponsorship deal. THOSE ARE NOT THE OFFICIAL SHOES OF THE OLYMPICS! YOU WILL DIE NOW!"
- While trying to find the goddess Nike/Victoria
He just had to invoke Adidas, the goddess of off-brand shoes
- Made even funnier when Nike/Victoria does show up
- "Do not call me Aquaman. That's worse than Water Boy."
- Jason and Percy take "bromance" to ridiculous levels. They call each other "bro" so many times they could start a fraternity!
Percy: I might kill my bro, Jason.Jason: And I might kill my bro, Percy.
Jason: Atlantis?Percy: That's a myth.Jason: Uh...don't we deal in myths?Percy: No, I mean it's a MADE-UP myth. Not like, an actual true myth.Jason: So this is why Annabeth is the brains of the operation, huh?Percy: Shut up, Grace.
- Really, this book takes the opportunity to have characters who haven't interacted enough have moments together, Like Percy/Leo, Percy/Jason, Piper/Annabeth, Piper/Frank, and Reyna/Nico/Hedge. Though this gives us a lot of heartwarming moments, it also creates a lot of potential for snark.
- Annabeth, Piper, and Jason are infiltrating a meeting of giants and Gaia-raised ghosts. Things go great, until Jason gets impaled. In a panic, Piper and Annabeth hurriedly discuss how to signal Leo for help without getting blown up, and Morse code is suggested, with Annabeth deciding:
"Flash them! That Came Out Wrong. But yeah, good idea."
- Leo calling Frank, Hazel, Percy and himself "the ultimate non-competitive dream team" and Annabeth and Frank exchanging "war-godly looks" right after.
- Will Solace was a very secondary character until the last part of the book and, as a son of Apollo, was assumed to have the usual talents. When he gets a little more limelight and joins the action, it turns out his single "musical talent" is ultrasonic whistling. Which he weaponizes.
- Hades got Nico a present once. It was a zombie.
- An 18th-century French zombie chauffer named Jules-Albert, actually.
- Speaking of Nico, after getting his clothes shredded by werewolves, he ends up spending a lot of his story wearing a tropical patterned shirt covered in parrots and palm trees.
- The fate of Thoon, the giant made to slain the Moirai. The last times he's seen, the Moirai are beating him to death. In the form of three old ladies. Let's remember that, while smaller than his brothers, Thoon is still a giant.
- Let's digress on the fact that even the gods are a bit nerved out by three old ladies with canes. Some were seen edging a bit nervously from the Moirai. Also counts as a Crowning Moment of Awesome
- Nico and Will Solace's Belligerent Sexual Tension, starting with them arguing while Nico completely coincidentally remembers meeting Will's dad, Apollo:
He remembered Apollo, smiling and tanned and completely cool in his shades.Thalia had said, He's hot.He's the sun god, Percy had replied.That's not what I meant.Why was Nico thinking about that now?
- The fact that they were too busy bickering to notice the entire First Cohort approaching.
- Before the Romans leave, Frank asks Nico if he'll see him again. Nico replies, "Oh, you will. I'm going to be the flower boy at your wedding, right?", flustering Frank so badly he runs into a doorjamb.
- The Seven are in Athens while Gaea is rising on Long Island, and trying to get a very annoyed Zeus to help them find a way back to help.
Jason: "The winds. Father, can't you unleash the winds to send our ship back?"Zeus: [glowering] "I could slap you back to Long Island."Jason: "Um, was that a joke, or a threat, or—"Zeus: "No, I mean it quite literally."
- The Battle of the Parthenon is awesome overall, but Leo's entrance takes the cake for funny and awesome:
Leo: [booming over the Argo II's PA system] SURRENDER! YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY ONE SPANKING HOT WAR MACHINE!Enceladus: [howling in outrage due to remembering the last time they fought] Valdez!Leo: WHAT’S UP, ENCHILADAS? NICE DAGGER IN YOUR FOREHEAD.
The Demigod Diaries
- Leo pretending to be Dionysus.
- Leo being his awesome self when Piper and Jason just don't get his explanations.
Piper: Um... could you make the short explanation shorter?Leo: Fine. One hour. Fluids mix. Bunker goes ka-boom. One square mile of forest turns into a smoking crater.Piper: Oh. Can't you just... turn it off?Leo: Gee, I didn't think of that! Let me just hit this switch and - No, Piper. I can't turn it off.
- Percy trying to intimidate Cacus by casually mentioning all their heroic deeds. It doesn't work.
Cacus: (laughing) The only demigod who ever defeated me was Hercules himself.Percy: Always Hercules. What is it with Hercules?Annabeth: He had a great publicist.
- Percy stops thinking of a clever plan for a moment and goes off about Annabeth instead.
They way her Camp Half-Blood beads rested against her throat - okay, sorry. Got a little distracted.
- Luke's incredible talent for snarking gives us this wonderful gem:
He (Hal) showed us the computer's internet browser. Great. Now we could order pizza and watch the monsters eat the delivery guy.