- Some of J. M. Barrie's stage directions include some hilarious commentary and speculation on the actions, the characters, the scenery and even anticipated audience reactions. Some of them make it into the narrative of the novel, some of them don't — but they're extra funny because there's no way they could have come forth on-stage; they're purely there for the entertainment of the actors and other people working on the play. Some highlights:
- The opening paragraph of Act I: "The night nursery of the Darling family, which is the scene of our opening Act, is at the top of a rather depressed street in Bloomsbury. We have a right to place it where we will, and the reason Bloomsbury is chosen is that Mr. Roget once lived there. So did we in days when his Thesaurus was our only companion in London; and we whom he has helped to wend our way through life have always wanted to pay him a little compliment. The Darlings therefore lived in Bloomsbury."
- After Mr. Darling has locked Nana out for the night, the stage directions read: "Let us hope that he then retires to his study, looks up the word 'temper' in his Thesaurus, and under the influence of those benign pages becomes a better man."
- From the description of Captain Hook: "He is never more sinister than when he is most polite, and the elegance of his diction, the distinction of his demeanour, show him one of a different class from his crew, a solitary among uncultured companions. This courtliness impresses even his victims on the high seas, who note that he always says 'Sorry' when prodding them along the flank."
- And from the description of Tiger Lily: "She is the belle of the Piccaninny tribe, whose braves would all have her to wife, but she wards them off with a hatchet."
- After Peter temporarily banishes Tinker Bell: "TINK goes off sulking, no doubt with the intention of giving all her friends an entirely false impression of WENDY'S appearance."
- During Peter's battle with Hook, he calls him a "dark and sinister man," and the stage-directions note: "Some say that he had to ask TOOTLES whether the word was 'sinister' or 'canister.'"
- Michael gets a "kids say the darnest things" moment early in the play:
Michael: At what time was I born, mother?
Mrs. Darling: At two o'clock in the night-time, dearest.
Michael: Oh, mother, I hope I didn't wake you.
- Slightly bragging that he alone of the Lost Boys knows his original name including his last name — he knows it because the pinafore he was wearing when he was lost had the words "Slightly Soiled" written on the tag.
- Slightly pretending to be a doctor in order to "cure" the unconscious Wendy. He clearly has no idea what a doctor is supposed to act like other than a vague feeling that they say "tut, tut" a lot — and so he inserts "tut, tut" in all his lines whether it's appropriate or not.
- During the "playing house" part, when everyone pretends to be a family, Tootles decides he wants to be someone else for a while, but nobody will let him take their role in the group:
Tootles: I don't suppose that I could be the father?
Wendy: No, Tootles.
Tootles: As I can't be the father. I don't suppose, Michael, you would let me be the baby?
Michael: No, I won't!
Tootles: As I can't be the baby, do you think I could be a twin?
Twins: No, indeed! It's awfully difficult to be a twin.
Tootles: As I can't be anything important... would any of you like to see me do a trick?
- The entire mini-subplot with Hook baking a cake for the Lost Boys and filling it with poison, especially the part where Hook gleefully explains the plan to Smee:
" We will leave the cake on the shore of the mermaids' lagoon. These boys are always swimming about there, playing with the mermaids. They will find the cake and they will gobble it up, because, having no mother, they don't know how dangerous 'tis to eat rich damp cake." He burst into laughter, not hollow laughter now, but honest laughter. "Aha, they will die."
- Needless to say, the plan fails, and the cake doesn't play any real part in the plot, but the narrative briefly notes what eventually happened to it:
In time it lost its succulence, and became as hard as a stone, and was used as a missile, and Hook fell over it in the dark.
- One of the last conversations between Peter, Wendy and Tinker Bell, when she tries to convince him to stay with her and not return to Neverland:
Wendy: It will be rather lonely in the evening, sitting by the fire.
Peter: I shall have Tink.
Wendy: Tink can't go a twentieth part of the way round.
Tinker Bell: Sneaky tell-tale!
- "I've never shaved him this close before!" (Smee thought Hook lost his head.)
- "Cap'n... no splash."
- "So you want a splash, Mr Starkey? I'LL GIVE YA A SPLASH!!"
- This dialogue:
Wendy: Father! What have you done to your shirt?
Mr. Darling: What have I...? OOOHH!!!
- "Girls talk too much."
- Followed by Wendy's "Yes, girls talk too...huh? Oh..."
- He didn't mean stop, he told Wendy to continue. "Well? Get on with it, girl."
- The mermaids. "We were only trying to drown her."
- Peter Pan: "There, you see, Wendy?"
- Smee shaves the feathers off a seagull's butt. Then he puts some aftershave on his hand and gave the seagull a nice firm pat on the butt.
- Drunk Smee. "*sobs* Ain't it a BLOOMIN' *hic* SHAME?!!"
- Tinkerbell's disgust at the size of her hips...and then a few moments later those same hips get her stuck in a keyhole.
- When Peter asks Tink if she knew her treachery could have killed Wendy, Tink pauses, then just shamelessly smiles and nods her head.
- Then he banishes her forever... or, well, for a week.
- The crocodile chase in Skull Rock. Enough said.
- Even better is when he goes skimming off over the ocean at the movie's end, so it goes, "SMEEEE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE-EE..."
- When Pan finds out that Tiger Lily has been kidnapped by Hook, the Crocodile is pursuing Hook as usual, he then stops and looks at Peter and Wendy, smiling at them before continuing his pursuit, as though his thought process is, "Food Food Food Oh hi Peter, Food Food Food."
- More of the Crocodile. Just his expressions when he's watching the final battle with Hook, waiting for Hook to fall overboard. At one point, he's just moving his arm around in the water, watching the battle with a very bored expression, as if to say "Yay, exciting, yipee, when is it gonna be time to eat?"
- "Well, I'm certainly proud of you... you blockheads!"
- When Mr. Darling is bringing Nana outside.
"You're not really a nurse, you're...well you're a dog."
- "Poor Nana?! THAT'S THE LAST STRAW!!"
- "Squaw no get 'em firewood. Squaw go home."
- "I had a white rat!" "THAT'S NO MOTHER!"
- "The poor captain has a splitting headache. We mustn't annoy him." *KLANG*
- The scene where Hook orders Smee to capture Tink, where Smee lands in his dinghy, rows the boat on the deck and falls overboard.
- Just the animation and how fast it is really sells it. The way Smee fumbles with the oars and zooms right off the deck, crashing through the framework all in a matter of seconds kills me.
- Our first look at Mr. Darling. His searching his dresser, starting with the top drawer before looking in the bottom.
Mr. Darling: Mary, if I don't find my cufflinks, we're not going to the party. And if we don't go to the party, then I can never show my face in the office. And if I can't show my face in the office- (bumps head on top drawer)
Narrator: Mr. Darling was a very practical man...
- Peter Pan tricks Smee by impersonating Captain Hook's voice:
For the last time, Mr Smee. Take the princess back to her people. UUNDERSTAAANDDD??? (the entire cave shook by his loud echo) Smee: (voice shaking)
Uh, aye, aye, sir.
- The Crocodile's first appearance. Hook is, of course, terrified, but Smee just treats the approaching reptile like a housepet that's come for tablescraps;
"Look what you've done now, giving the poor captain a scare like that! Shoo, now! There'll be no hand-outs today! Go on, now, shoo!"
- The Crocodile's return at Skull Rock.
Peter Pan: Oh Mr. Crocodile, do you like codfish? (Crocodile nods) You DO?
Wendy: Oh Peter, no!
- Mr. Darling's reaction to Mrs. Darling voicing her concern about Wendy mentioning that she had seen Peter Pan's shadow. The sheer sarcasm that's just dripping from his words is hilarious.
- The song may be politically incorrect today, but "What Made the Redman Red?" has a funny moment near the song's end when the chief is shown in close up with a stoic expression, arms folded - then the camera zooms out to show his legs dancing up a storm, Riverdance-style.
- "The indian is cunning, but not intelligent. We need only surround them, and take them by sur-PRIIISE!" Care to guess who took whom by surprise?
- After seemingly fallen to his death, Hook tries to sneak up behind Peter wearing his hat. He was close to stabbing his back with his sword when...
Smee: (joyous) Captain!
Peter: In the back, Captain? (complete with finger-wag)
- Peter frowning questionably at some of the Lost Boys' dirty hands.
- Mr. Darling constantly getting bowled over by Nana and/or his children.
- Pretty much every scene with Tiger Lily.
- Smee gets several moments as well, including a few fourth wall gags.
Smee: *to the audience, as the pirates are hiding as Hook is attacked by the crocodile* It's all a bit tragic, really, in'it?
- In that same moment, Hook is given a Shout-Out to his Disney counterpart by screaming "SMEEEEEEEEEE!"
- This exchange:
Wendy: Don't you know what a kiss is?
Peter: *expectantly holding his hand out* I shall know when you give me one.
- And this:
Slightly: If Hook discovers our hiding place, he'll gut us.
Wendy: How dreadful!
Slightly: Oh, we live for it!
- And this:
Wendy: Yes but [Peter] was rather lonely.
Hook: Lonely? ....he needed a Wendy.
Pirate: [wistfully] I need a Wendy...
Hook turns and shoots him.
- It's rather adorable how gosh darn excited the pirates get over the prospect of storytelling. Especially in hostage situations:
Smee: Brutes! Red-Handed Jill is going to tell us a story!
Pirates: HOORAY! *all sit down like a bunch of kindergardeners*
- "SHUT YOUR GOBS OR I'LL RUN YA THROUGH! BELIEVE IN FAIRIES, I DO I DO!!"
- When it shoes the sequence of everyone in London saying "I do believe in fairies. I do, I do". Specifically George Darling who says it right in the middle of giving a speech at the bank.
- Peter happily suggests that they kill the Lost Boys for shooting Wendy down. Wendy's response?
Wendy: While I agree that they are...perfectly horrid...kill them and they should think themselves 'important'.
Lost Boys: Yes! So important! And unique!
Wendy: I suggest something far more dreadful - Medicine. It's the most awful, disgusting...the sickeningly sweet kind. Littlest first.
- In addition, Peter's evil little smile when Wendy suggests medicine caps off this scene.
- When Peter and Wendy have an argument, one of the Lost Boys says "Uh-oh, Mother and Father are fighting again".
- Just before his death, Hook tries to save himself from falling to the crocodile by thinking happy thoughts. His happy thoughts are things like "Killing, ripping, maiming, children's blood, puppies' blood" and a whole string of awful things. It culminates with him screaming "WHITE DEATH! BLACK DEATH! ANY DEATH! A NICE SPOT OF TEA!"
- A lot of Peter's physical tumbles when he first meets Wendy. Jumping in shock so high his head hits the ceiling when Wendy pops up, grabbing his shadow's hand when Wendy holds up the sewing needle, falling off the bed in surprise when she suddenly flings the covers off, his quickly striking a more dignified pose afterwards...
- When the pirates capture Tiger Lily, John and Michael, they leave them Bound and Gagged to drown at the Black Castle. Including Michael's teddy bear.
- Earlier, when Tiger Lily's been caught, Hook asks her where Peter's hideout is. Tiger Lily replies in a long stream of Iroqouis that's un-subtitled but, according to the actress, not at all complimentary, before spitting at him. There's a beat before all of them look at Smee, who can only say: "...she says sorry, but no."