Funny / Peter Pan (1904)

• Some of J. M. Barrie's stage directions include some hilarious commentary and speculation on the actions, the characters, the scenery and even anticipated audience reactions. Some of them make it into the narrative of the novel, some of them don't — but they're extra funny because there's no way they could have come forth on-stage; they're purely there for the entertainment of the actors and other people working on the play. Some highlights:
  • The opening paragraph of Act I: "The night nursery of the Darling family, which is the scene of our opening Act, is at the top of a rather depressed street in Bloomsbury. We have a right to place it where we will, and the reason Bloomsbury is chosen is that Mr. Roget once lived there. So did we in days when his Thesaurus was our only companion in London; and we whom he has helped to wend our way through life have always wanted to pay him a little compliment. The Darlings therefore lived in Bloomsbury."
  • After Mr. Darling has locked Nana out for the night, the stage directions read: "Let us hope that he then retires to his study, looks up the word 'temper' in his Thesaurus, and under the influence of those benign pages becomes a better man."
  • From the description of Captain Hook: "He is never more sinister than when he is most polite, and the elegance of his diction, the distinction of his demeanour, show him one of a different class from his crew, a solitary among uncultured companions. This courtliness impresses even his victims on the high seas, who note that he always says 'Sorry' when prodding them along the flank."
  • And from the description of Tiger Lily: "She is the belle of the Piccaninny tribe, whose braves would all have her to wife, but she wards them off with a hatchet."
  • After Peter temporarily banishes Tinker Bell: "TINK goes off sulking, no doubt with the intention of giving all her friends an entirely false impression of WENDY'S appearance."
  • During Peter's battle with Hook, he calls him a "dark and sinister man," and the stage-directions note: "Some say that he had to ask TOOTLES whether the word was 'sinister' or 'canister.'"
• Michael gets a "kids say the darnest things" moment early in the play:
  Michael: At what time was I born, mother?
  Mrs. Darling: At two o'clock in the night-time, dearest.
  Michael: Oh, mother, I hope I didn't wake you.
• Pretty much every time Tinkerbell calls Wendy "You silly ass!"
• Slightly bragging that he alone of the Lost Boys knows his original name including his last name — he knows it because the pinafore he was wearing when he was lost had the words "Slightly Soiled" written on the tag.
• One of Wendy's "mother" ideas is to make a dunce cap and force any misbehaving Lost Boy to wear it. It backfires because the Lost Boys like wearing the cap. At one point, Tootles and First Twin argue about who gets to be the dunce.

---