Funny: Peanuts

  • Patty and Shermy discuss their possible futures together:
    Patty: Will you still love me when you're grown up and are rich and famous, and I'm just a poor little girl?
    Shermy: Sure, I will...and will you still love me if you get rich and famous, and I don't have anything?
    Patty: That will be different.
  • Charlie Brown and Shermy undertake a construction project for Patty and Violet, who boss them around mercilessly, until the structure is completed, and the boys see the signs that the girls have put on it: "Girls' Club. No Boys allowed"
  • Charlie Brown, Patty and Shermy are set to play "cowboys", and they choose their roles:
    Patty: I'll be the good guy!
    Shermy: All right, and I'll be the bad guy!
    Patty: What are you going to be, Charlie Brown?
    Charlie Brown: I'll be sort of in-between. (beat) I'll be a hypocrite!
  • In a recurring storyline of the period, Lucy once again beats Charlie Brown at checkers, now achieving 3,000 straight victories. She gloats gleefully at her accomplishment, until Charlie Brown lets out a single, disheartened "Rats!"
    Lucy: "RATS?!" Well, if that's the way you're going to act when you lose, I quit!
  • Linus keeps shoving his dinner off his high chair while Lucy and Charlie Brown watch.
    Lucy: Mother's trying to get Linus to eat by himself. (beat) If he knocks his dish off the table three times, he has to go to bed without any supper.
    Charlie Brown: Is that teaching him to eat?
    Lucy: No, but it's taught him to count to three!
  • Lucy offers to trade some comic books with Charlie Brown.
    Charlie Brown: I've only got three: Mangle Comics, Disease Comics, and Gory Comics.
    Lucy: That's, take three of mine.
    Charlie Brown (seeing what he's gotten): The Little Bunnies...Billy Bluebird...The Funny Foxes... (angrily) HEY!
    • Later, Shermy reads the titles of a comic book series Charlie Brown owns: Revolutionary War Comics, War of 1812 Comics, Civil War Comics, World War I Comics, World War II Comics, and Korean War Comics.
    Charlie Brown: The next issue has really got me worried.
  • Lucy recites a rhyme:
    "Won four the money,
    Too fore the show,
    Three two get ready,
    And for two go!"
    That's fun to say even if I don't understand it!
  • Charlie Brown and Schroeder talk:
    Charlie Brown: Sometimes I think I must be a misfit. I just don't seem to fit in anyplace.
    Schroeder: Maybe you could join a group of misfits.
    Charlie Brown: I probably wouldn't even fit in there.
  • Lucy is seen repeatedly tossing away a slice of bread, so that it lands with a "PLOP!", until she informs Violet:
    I have discovered a SCIENTIFIC TRUTH: No matter how you drop a piece of bread 'n butter, it always lands on the rug "butter side down"!
  • Charlie Brown and Violet:
    Charlie Brown: Men are lots smarter than women!
    Violet: THEY ARE NOT!
    Charlie Brown: Men are lots smarter than GIRLS!
    Violet: Not necessarily.
    Charlie Brown: MUST be smarter than girl BABIES!
    Violet: I guess I can grant you that, Charlie Brown.
    Charlie Brown: Somehow, that wasn't much of a victory...
  • Charlie Brown shows off a comic strip he drew to Schroeder:
    Charlie Brown: I'm afraid it might be too subtle for the average reader.
    Schroeder: Not "subtle", Charlie Brown...vague!
  • Lucy shows Charlie Brown a stuffed dog her dad bought her, and he asks her, "Is it a real stuffed dog, Lucy?":
    Of course, it's a real stuffed dog! No, I mean it isn't a real dog because it's stuffed, and it's...well, I mean...
    What I mean is that it's stuffed and it's real, but yet, it...well...I mean...I...I...
1957 1958
  • For a week of dailies, Charlie Brown, Lucy and Linus gaze at the stars. The bulk of it focuses on Linus trying to throw rocks at the stars, highlighted by Lucy admonishing him:
    Why, you blockhead! What if you had HIT one?!
  • One time, Charlie Brown had left his shirt behind at Lucy's place after the kids had been playing under the sprinkler, so Lucy put it on and pretended to be him. Then Charlie himself happens along...
    Charlie Brown: Well, hello there, Charlie Brown, you blockhead!
  • Sally's birth. Charlie Brown's overjoyed reaction to the news is definitely heartwarming, but it becomes hilarious as well when he runs out of the house screaming.
    Linus: (to Lucy) You didn't act like that when I was born.
    • One Norwegian translation of the strip manages to make Linus's comment even funnier by turning him much more eloquent and sarcastic, as he tells her: "I'm guessing your enthusiasm when I was born was a little more reserved?"
  • That's the first time I've ever seen a kite explode!"
  • 5/27/1960:
    Charlie Brown (writing a letter): Dear teammates, I have been thinking of resigning my job as your manager, and I-
    Lucy: We accept!
  • When Lucy is putting a dinosaur skeleton together, Linus and Snoopy begin dancing and raucously singing "Dem Bones", deliberately mixing the lyrics up ("the knee bone's connected to the wrist bone," etc.) until Lucy bodily throws them out the front door.
    • And just to seal the deal, Charlie Brown's walking by just in time to see it happen.
    • Plus, Lucy's face in the panel just before she throws them out. If nothing else makes you giggle during that ordeal, I guarantee you that her face will.
    • Here's the link [1]
  • While playing outside, Linus and Lucy hear a car door open, and thinking their Dad is going to the store, begin to demand he buy them all sorts of things, with Linus getting increasingly loud and demanding, until it's revealed that their Dad was just pulling the car into the driveway to wash it.
  • The Mad Punter. Just... just the Mad Punter. Us readers know who it is pretty early on, but Linus and Charlie Brown don't find out until the very end. It's Snoopy.
  • In a Sunday strip, Charlie Brown lets Snoopy sleep in his bed with him — until Snoopy lets out a roaring SNORE, and Charlie Brown banishes a distraught Snoopy back to his doghouse. Then, Charlie Brown decides to relent, and invites Snoopy back inside — only for CHARLIE BROWN to let rip with a SNORE, and be banished himself to the doghouse!
  • In a Sunday strip, Linus has to draw a picture of a family member for a class assignment — he's drawing Lucy's face, finished except the mouth, when she sees him at work. He decides it's a good time to stop, but she insists that he draw in the mouth — he nervously draws it in a wide open shout. She slugs him, and he lies there commenting "It's hard to draw well when your hand is shaking!"
  • Charlie Brown drops a fantastic snark on Linus after Linus costs them both the school election. Here's the backstory, and here's the punchline. Especially funny because it's so contrary to Charlie Brown's usual resigned acceptance of failure. Also a moment of Awesome and/or Heartwarming for Charlie Brown, if you find those things in seeing the ol' blockhead stand up for himself.
    • Along with Lucy's line about how Charlie Brown would make a good ticket-balancing vice-presidential candidate for Linus because "he'd bring in the wishy-washy vote!"
  • A storyline where Linus is at camp occasionally switches back to Lucy, who is both shocked to find that she misses her little brother and irritated that Linus only seems to be writing to Charlie Brown. Then, Linus sends her a birch-bark canoe, and she's deeply touched:
    Lucy: Sometimes I think I don't deserve a nice brother like Linus...
    Charlie Brown: I have often thought the same thing.
    [Final panel depicts Lucy writing a letter: "Dear Linus, please send me another canoe. The first one broke when I threw it at Charlie Brown."]
    • Earlier, she'd been so bothered by her feelings of missing Linus, she went to her own psychiatric booth for help, describing her problem while sitting on the patient-stool, then switching to her doctor's-chair to declare, "You're cracking up!"
  • The Sunday strip where Linus, midway through making himself a bowl of cereal, gets a phone call from someone who's apparently doing all the talking. As the conversation commences (with Linus saying "Uh-huh...uh-huh, yeah, sure") he strains his eyes towards the kitchen table, looking increasingly (and hilariously) uncomfortable and frantic, until finally he shouts, "MY COLD CEREAL IS GETTING SOGGY!" The last panel shows Charlie Brown, holding the phone and looking completely dumbfounded.
  • From 10/24/1972 (yes, I am that big a fan).
    Charlie Brown: Why would they ban Miss Sweetstory's book from the school library?
    Linus: I can't believe it. I just can't believe it!
    Charlie Brown: Maybe there are some things in her book that we don't understand.
    Sally: In that case, they should also ban my math book!
  • There was a storyline where Charlie Brown went out to watch the sunrise, but instead of the sun, he saw a baseball. Soon, he began seeing baseballs everywhere, and even got a rash on the back of his head that looked like the stitches on a baseball. It was decided he had been thinking too much about baseball, so he went to camp to take his mind off of things. When he thought he was cured, he went out to watch the sunrise to be sure. The conclusion has to be seen in order to be believed.
  • One story arc had Marcie being cajoled into playing baseball with Peppermint Patty, only to be harassed by a sexist kid named Thibault. She eventually loses her temper:
    Marcie: Now look here, you cement-headed male-chauvinist dummy... I'm going to tell you something, and I want you to stand here and listen! If you say one word, I'm going to belt you right across the chops!
    Thibault: Oh?
    Marcie: That was one word!
  • Another arc had Snoopy trying to beat Hank Aaron to breaking Babe Ruth's record for career home runs, which inspires a lot of angry letters from overzealous baseball fans.
    Charlie Brown: Is your hate mail causing you to lose sleep?
    Snoopy: (lying atop his doghouse, next to a literal mountain of letters) Only when it falls on me.
  • 5/30/1975: Marcie: "Since when are pancakes served standing on end?"
Later years
  • Charlie Brown refuses to try and kick Lucy's football again. As he walks away, he remarks that at least no one else considers him stupid enough to fall for that trick again. He then comes across Snoopy, Woodstock, Sally, Peppermint Patty, and Marcie all holding footballs for him to try to kick.
    • What ended up being the final kick-the-football strip in 1999. Lucy has to leave and tells Rerun hold the ball in her place. Charlie Brown gets ready to kick it. Cut to later. Lucy asks Rerun if he pulled the ball away or let Charlie Brown kick it. Rerun smugly replies "you'll never know."
  • A series of strips had Lucy talking to Schroeder about this play she's writing, with every scene ending with the female protagonist kicking the male love interest's piano. The artwork, where the piano flies into the air, causing Schroeder to be knocked upside-down, really sell the premise.
  • Peppermint Patty ends up playing a sheep in the Christmas play. When it's time for her to go on stage...
    Peppermint Patty: Woof! Meow! Moo! Whatever.
    (the audience laughs their asses off)
    Peppermint Patty: (still singing as Marcie drags her off stage) And a partridge in a pear tree-e-e!
  • Sally spends several days practicing her one line for the Christmas play: "Hark!" When she finally goes on stage, she blurts out, "Hockey stick!" That night, Sally berates herself, and exclaims that she must have invoked the scorn of Moses, Luke, and "all 50" apostles.
  • An excellent Brick Joke is also set up and pays off during this storyline. When explaining her part to Charlie Brown, Sally says that after she says "Hark," Harold Angel starts to sing. Charlie Brown goes with this, assuming that this is Sally confusing "Herald Angel" (as in Hark The Herald Angels Sing) for a person. However, at the end of the storyline, Charlie Brown answers the door, to meet a boy who introduces himself as "Harold Angel." Charlie Brown is left dumbfounded.
TV Specials
  • NOTE: A Charlie Brown Christmas and It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown have their own pages.
  • When Linus runs for school president in You're Not Elected, Charlie Brown, part of his campaign involves appearing on the radio to answer questions that voters ask through the phone. Unfortunately, two of the callers don't have anything relevant to ask, one of them just rambles about how much he wanted to talk to the candidate, and the last one forgets what she wanted to ask.
  • Snoopy does battle with a lawn chair. The lawn chair wins... kinda.
  • In the special It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown, Marcie's epic failures on making Easter eggs. First she fries them, then she tries to put them in the waffle iron, the toaster, and oven, then finally, Peppermint Patty tells her to boil the eggs. And Marcie messes this up too, since she cracks the eggs open and pours them into the boiling water, culminating with Peppermint Patty finding out and roaring "Marcie, you made egg soup! AUGHHHH!"
    • Also near the end of the special, after she and Peppermint Patty buy eggs, Patty tells Marcie that "We put salt on the eggs and eat them." Marcie, who just happens to have a salt shaker in her pocket, salts the egg and bites it without taking the shell off and says, "Tastes terrible, sir!"
  • In Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown, Lucy destroying Schroeder's toy piano while ranting about "the tortures of the memory of a lost love."
  • It's Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown is just full of them, including some taken directly from the comics. Case in point:
    Sally: (to Snoopy dressed as Santa Claus) If you're the real Santa Claus, where are your helpers?
    (three Woodstock clones walk by, wearing Santa hats and holding "HELP" signs)
    Sally: That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen!
    • "I am Gabriel, Mary, and I couldn't hear you because of the sheep."
  • Any of the Funny Background Events in Happiness Is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown. Top prize goes to Charlie Brown trying to make a house of cards.