Funny / Peanuts

  • Patty and Shermy discuss their possible futures together:
    Patty: Will you still love me when you're grown up and are rich and famous, and I'm just a poor little girl?
    Shermy: Sure, I will...and will you still love me if you get rich and famous, and I don't have anything?
    Patty: That will be different.
  • Charlie Brown obliviously destroys a comic book rack and wonders why the shopkeeper is mad at him.
  • Schroeder whistles a complicated series of notes, then asks Charlie Brown to guess what it was.
    Charlie Brown: "Old Black Joe"? "Take Me Out to the Ball Game"? "Home on the Range"?
    Schroeder: Nope... It was the last half of the tenth measure of Sinding's Op. 32, No. 3.
    Charlie Brown: Y'know, I almost said that... I don't know why I didn't!
  • In one of Lucy's early appearances, Charlie goes to get Lucy a drink of water after saying he wants to play some of his records to her. Lucy flat out bites the records to pieces, and says "Lucy eat the three mice mice!". She doesn't understand why Charlie Brown is sad (since she destroyed his record collection!) and says, want a bite?
  • Charlie Brown and Shermy undertake a construction project for Patty and Violet, who boss them around mercilessly, until the structure is completed, and the boys see the signs that the girls have put on it: "Girls' Club. No Boys allowed"
  • Charlie Brown, Patty and Shermy are set to play "cowboys", and they choose their roles:
    Patty: I'll be the good guy!
    Shermy: All right, and I'll be the bad guy!
    Patty: What are you going to be, Charlie Brown?
    Charlie Brown: I'll be sort of in-between. (beat) I'll be a hypocrite!
  • In a recurring storyline of the period, Lucy once again beats Charlie Brown at checkers, now achieving 3,000 straight victories. She gloats gleefully at her accomplishment, until Charlie Brown lets out a single, disheartened "Rats!"
    Lucy: "RATS?!" Well, if that's the way you're going to act when you lose, I quit!
  • Linus keeps shoving his dinner off his high chair while Lucy and Charlie Brown watch.
    Lucy: Mother's trying to get Linus to eat by himself. (beat) If he knocks his dish off the table three times, he has to go to bed without any supper.
    Charlie Brown: Is that teaching him to eat?
    Lucy: No, but it's taught him to count to three!
  • Charlie Brown playing "H-Bomb Test". note  With Lucy as the bomb.
  • Lucy offers to trade some comic books with Charlie Brown.
    Charlie Brown: I've only got three: Mangle Comics, Disease Comics, and Gory Comics.
    Lucy: That's, take three of mine.
    Charlie Brown (seeing what he's gotten): The Little Bunnies...Billy Bluebird...The Funny Foxes... (angrily) HEY!
    • Later, Shermy reads the titles of a comic book series Charlie Brown owns: Revolutionary War Comics, War of 1812 Comics, Civil War Comics, World War I Comics, World War II Comics, and Korean War Comics.
    Charlie Brown: The next issue has really got me worried.
  • Lucy recites a rhyme:
    "Won four the money,
    Too fore the show,
    Three two get ready,
    And for two go!"
    That's fun to say even if I don't understand it!
  • Charlie Brown and Schroeder talk:
    Charlie Brown: Sometimes I think I must be a misfit. I just don't seem to fit in anyplace.
    Schroeder: Maybe you could join a group of misfits.
    Charlie Brown: I probably wouldn't even fit in there.
  • Lucy is seen repeatedly tossing away a slice of bread, so that it lands with a "PLOP!", until she informs Violet:
    I have discovered a SCIENTIFIC TRUTH: No matter how you drop a piece of bread 'n butter, it always lands on the rug "butter side down"!
  • Charlie Brown and Violet:
    Charlie Brown: Men are lots smarter than women!
    Violet: THEY ARE NOT!
    Charlie Brown: Men are lots smarter than GIRLS!
    Violet: Not necessarily.
    Charlie Brown: MUST be smarter than girl BABIES!
    Violet: I guess I can grant you that, Charlie Brown.
    Charlie Brown: Somehow, that wasn't much of a victory...
  • Charlie Brown and Schroder are playing marbles. Lucy wants to play since she has her own marble.
    Charlie Brown: If Lucy wants to play, let's let her play! She won't hurt anything.
    Lucy: So, how do you play?
    Charlie Brown: Just try to knock all the marbles out of the ring.
    Lucy: (tries to shoot her marble but fails) Rats! Rats! RATS!! WHAT A STUPID GAME!!! (stomps all the marbles in the ring flat)
    Schroder: (mocks Charlie Brown) "Let's let her play! She won't hurt anything!"
  • Charlie Brown shows off a comic strip he drew to Schroeder:
    Charlie Brown: I'm afraid it might be too subtle for the average reader.
    Schroeder: Not "subtle", Charlie Brown...vague!
  • This early Sunday strip shows Charlie Brown paranoid that Patty and Violet are saying mean things about him behind his back, then being offended when they tell him they weren't even thinking about him.
  • Lucy shows Charlie Brown a stuffed dog her dad bought her, and he asks her, "Is it a real stuffed dog, Lucy?":
    Of course, it's a real stuffed dog! No, I mean it isn't a real dog because it's stuffed, and it's...well, I mean...
    What I mean is that it's stuffed and it's real, but yet, it...well...I mean...I...I...
  • In a Sunday strip, Linus builds a sand castle and Lucy on her tricycle yells "CHARGE!" and zooms right over it. Linus goes to get a pair of pliers and goes to Lucy, the next panel just has the words, "Hey, what are you doing there? What are you doing with those pliers? HEY!!" The last panel has Linus with a big grin after dismantling Lucy's trike.
  • In this early Sunday strip, Linus, standing outside school grounds, demands to be educated and promptly gets his first lesson.
  • For a week of dailies, Charlie Brown, Lucy and Linus gaze at the stars. The bulk of it focuses on Linus trying to throw rocks at the stars, highlighted by Lucy admonishing him:
    Why, you blockhead! What if you had HIT one?!
  • One time, Charlie Brown had left his shirt behind at Lucy's place after the kids had been playing under the sprinkler, so Lucy put it on and pretended to be him. Then Charlie himself happens along...
    Charlie Brown: Well, hello there, Charlie Brown, you blockhead!
  • Sally's birth. Charlie Brown's overjoyed reaction to the news is definitely heartwarming, but it becomes hilarious as well when he runs out of the house screaming.
    Linus: (to Lucy) You didn't act like that when I was born.
    • One Norwegian translation of the strip manages to make Linus's comment even funnier by turning him much more eloquent and sarcastic, as he tells her: "I'm guessing your enthusiasm when I was born was a little more reserved?"
  • That's the first time I've ever seen a kite explode!"
  • 5/27/1960:
    Charlie Brown (writing a letter): Dear teammates, I have been thinking of resigning my job as your manager, and I-
    Lucy: We accept!
  • When Lucy is putting a dinosaur skeleton together, Linus and Snoopy begin dancing and raucously singing "Dem Bones", deliberately mixing the lyrics up ("the knee bone's connected to the wrist bone," etc.) until Lucy hurls them out the front door. The crowning moment is Lucy's face in the panel just before she does it.
    • And just to seal the deal, Charlie Brown's walking by just in time to see it happen.
  • While playing outside, Linus and Lucy hear a car door open, and thinking their Dad is going to the store, begin to demand he buy them all sorts of things, with Linus getting increasingly loud and demanding, until it's revealed that their Dad was just pulling the car into the driveway to wash it.
  • The Mad Punter. Just... just the Mad Punter. Us readers know who it is pretty early on, but Linus and Charlie Brown don't find out until the very end. It's Snoopy.
  • In a Sunday strip, Charlie Brown lets Snoopy sleep in his bed with him — until Snoopy lets out a roaring SNORE, and Charlie Brown banishes a distraught Snoopy back to his doghouse. Then, Charlie Brown decides to relent, and invites Snoopy back inside — only for CHARLIE BROWN to let rip with a SNORE, and be banished himself to the doghouse!
  • In a Sunday strip, Linus has to draw a picture of a family member for a class assignment — he's drawing Lucy's face, finished except the mouth, when she sees him at work. He decides it's a good time to stop, but she insists that he draw in the mouth — he nervously draws it in a wide open shout. She slugs him, and he lies there commenting "It's hard to draw well when your hand is shaking!"
  • Charlie Brown drops a fantastic snark on Linus after Linus costs them both the school election. Here's the backstory, and here's the punchline. Especially funny because it's so contrary to Charlie Brown's usual resigned acceptance of failure. Also a moment of Awesome and/or Heartwarming for Charlie Brown, if you find those things in seeing the ol' blockhead stand up for himself.
    • Along with Lucy's line about how Charlie Brown would make a good ticket-balancing vice-presidential candidate for Linus because "he'd bring in the wishy-washy vote!"
  • A storyline where Linus is at camp occasionally switches back to Lucy, who is both shocked to find that she misses her little brother and irritated that Linus only seems to be writing to Charlie Brown. Then, Linus sends her a birch-bark canoe, and she's deeply touched:
    Lucy: Sometimes I think I don't deserve a nice brother like Linus...
    Charlie Brown: I have often thought the same thing.
    [Final panel depicts Lucy writing a letter: "Dear Linus, please send me another canoe. The first one broke when I threw it at Charlie Brown."]
    • Earlier, she'd been so bothered by her feelings of missing Linus, she went to her own psychiatric booth for help, describing her problem while sitting on the patient-stool, then switching to her doctor's-chair to declare, "You're cracking up!"
  • The Sunday strip where Linus, midway through making himself a bowl of cereal, gets a phone call from someone who's apparently doing all the talking. As the conversation commences (with Linus saying "Uh-huh...uh-huh, yeah, sure") he strains his eyes towards the kitchen table, looking increasingly uncomfortable and frantic, until finally he shouts, "MY COLD CEREAL IS GETTING SOGGY!" The last panel shows Charlie Brown, holding the phone with what can only be described as a "WTF?" expression.
  • A Sunday strip in which Lucy urges Linus, "Close your eyes and open your hands." When Linus expresses understandable concern that she might be about to palm something creepy off on him, she storms off.
    Linus: I know her! She wants me to apologize, and then when I close my eyes again, she really will drop a worm in my hands.
    Lucy: I know him..he thinks I want him to apologize so that I really can drop a worm or something in his hands…
    Lucy: This is…take them!
    Linus: "THEM"?!!!
  • 1/21/1971: Seems like a normal day at the psychiatric help booth...
    Lucy: Little talks like this are almost always good, Charlie Brown. There's a certain value in the exchange of experiences. I suppose I could admit that I've even learned a little something myself.
    Charlie Brown: Five cents, please!
  • From 10/24/1972
    Charlie Brown: Why would they ban Miss Sweetstory's book from the school library?
    Linus: I can't believe it. I just can't believe it!
    Charlie Brown: Maybe there are some things in her book that we don't understand.
    Sally: In that case, they should also ban my math book!
  • One story had Snoopy as a finalist for the Daisy Hill Puppy Cup and when Charlie Brown reads the results...
    Charlie Brown: You didn't win.
    Charlie Brown: There's nothing like a good loser.
  • There was a storyline where Charlie Brown went out to watch the sunrise, but instead of the sun, he saw a baseball. Soon, he began seeing baseballs everywhere, and even got a rash on the back of his head that looked like the stitches on a baseball. It was decided he had been thinking too much about baseball, so he went to camp to take his mind off of things. When he thought he was cured, he went out to watch the sunrise to be sure. The conclusion has to be seen in order to be believed.
  • One story arc had Marcie being cajoled into playing baseball with Peppermint Patty, only to be harassed by a sexist kid named Thibault. She eventually loses her temper:
    Marcie: Now look here, you cement-headed male-chauvinist dummy... I'm going to tell you something, and I want you to stand here and listen! If you say one word, I'm going to belt you right across the chops!
    Thibault: Oh?
    Marcie: That was one word!
  • Another arc had Snoopy trying to beat Hank Aaron to breaking Babe Ruth's record for career home runs, which inspires a lot of angry letters from overzealous baseball fans.
    Charlie Brown: Is your hate mail causing you to lose sleep?
    Snoopy: (lying atop his doghouse, next to a literal mountain of letters) Only when it falls on me.
  • 5/30/1975: Marcie: "Since when are pancakes served standing on end?"
  • Marcie thinking that Peppermint Patty's team needs baseball caps so she starts making some weird ones such as a chef's cap, a Sherlock Holmes cap, a tiny cap, a giant cap and finally a matador cap.
Later years
  • Charlie Brown refuses to try and kick Lucy's football again. As he walks away, he remarks that at least no one else considers him stupid enough to fall for that trick again. He then comes across Snoopy, Woodstock, Sally, Peppermint Patty, and Marcie all holding footballs for him to try to kick.
    • What ended up being the final kick-the-football strip in 1999. Lucy has to leave and tells Rerun hold the ball in her place. Charlie Brown gets ready to kick it. Cut to later. Lucy asks Rerun if he pulled the ball away or let Charlie Brown kick it. Rerun smugly replies "you'll never know."
  • A series of strips had Lucy talking to Schroeder about this play she's writing, with every scene ending with the female protagonist kicking the male love interest's piano. The artwork, where the piano flies into the air, causing Schroeder to be knocked upside-down, really sell the premise.
  • Peppermint Patty ends up playing a sheep in the Christmas play. When it's time for her to go on stage...
    Peppermint Patty: Woof! Meow! Moo! Whatever.
    (the audience laughs their asses off)
    Peppermint Patty: (still singing as Marcie drags her off stage) And a partridge in a pear tree-e-e!
  • Sally spends several days practicing her one line for the Christmas play: "Hark!" When she finally goes on stage, she blurts out, "Hockey stick!" That night, Sally berates herself, and exclaims that she must have invoked the scorn of Moses, Luke, and "all 50" apostles.
  • An excellent Brick Joke is also set up and pays off during this storyline. When explaining her part to Charlie Brown, Sally says that after she says "Hark," Harold Angel starts to sing. Charlie Brown goes with this, assuming that this is Sally confusing "Herald Angel" (as in Hark The Herald Angels Sing) for a person. However, at the end of the storyline, Charlie Brown answers the door, to meet a boy who introduces himself as "Harold Angel." Charlie Brown is left dumbfounded.
  • This strip for Father's Day 1993.
    Linus: What did you do for your dad for Father's Day, Charlie Brown?
    Charlie Brown: I let him play with my dog.
TV Specials
  • NOTE: A Charlie Brown Christmas and It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown have their own pages.
  • When Linus runs for school president in You're Not Elected, Charlie Brown, part of his campaign involves appearing on the radio to answer questions that voters ask through the phone. Unfortunately, two of the callers don't have anything relevant to ask, one of them just rambles about how much he wanted to talk to the candidate, and the last one forgets what she wanted to ask.
  • Snoopy does battle with a lawn chair. The lawn chair wins... kinda.
  • In the special It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown, Marcie's epic failures on making Easter eggs. First she fries them, then she tries to put them in the waffle iron, the toaster, and oven, then finally, Peppermint Patty tells her to boil the eggs. And Marcie messes this up too, since she cracks the eggs open and pours them into the boiling water, culminating with Peppermint Patty finding out and roaring "Marcie, you made egg soup! AUGHHHH!"
    • Also near the end of the special, after she and Peppermint Patty get eggs from the Easter Beagle, Patty tells Marcie that "We put salt on the eggs and eat them." Marcie, who just happens to have a salt shaker in her pocket, salts the egg and bites it without taking the shell off and says, "Tastes terrible, sir!"
  • In Be My Valentine, Charlie Brown, Lucy destroying Schroeder's toy piano while ranting about "the tortures of the memory of a lost love."
  • In It's Arbor Day, Charlie Brown, Charlie Brown's reaction after seeing his new baseball field named after him. Later when the game gets rained out...
    Charlie Brown: Quitters! That's what you are! You're all a bunch of quitters!
    Sally: At least it's good for the crops, Charlie Brown.
    Charlie Brown: But we were winning! We were winning! We were winning!
  • It's Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown is just full of them, including some taken directly from the comics. Case in point:
    Sally: (to Snoopy dressed as Santa Claus) If you're the real Santa Claus, where are your helpers?
    (three Woodstock clones walk by, wearing Santa hats and holding "HELP" signs)
    Sally: That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen!
    • "I am Gabriel, Mary, and I couldn't hear you because of the sheep."
  • Any of the Funny Background Events in Happiness Is a Warm Blanket, Charlie Brown. Top prize goes to Charlie Brown trying to make a house of cards.
  • One really funny moment from an animated special, an adaptation of when Patty and Marcie were golf caddies. Marcie puts her shoe in the ball washer and says "My foot is caught in the shoe washer!". Marcie is also on top of the ball washer that is about double her height, making one wonder how in the heck she has gotten up there.
  • In the first segment of Charlie Brown's Christmas Tales, Rerun comes across Snoopy dressed as Santa.
    Rerun: So, Mr. Fancy Claus, remember me? My name is Rerun. What happened to all...the things you were gonna bring me for Christmas last year? Kinda forget, didn't ya, huh? I don't suppose you'd care to explain, would ya, huh?
    Snoopy: (explodes at him)
    • After Snoopy rages at him and Rerun heads home, he tells Lucy that "he was busy".
  • Due to being one of the earliest television specials note , You're in Love, Charlie Brown is ripe with Early Installment Weirdness in its drawings and animation, resulting in many hilarious Off Model expressions not far away from each other, which is considerably rare in a Peanuts special. See for yourself.