Funny: Ocean's Eleven

  • Before Reuben is convinced the job is a good idea - "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN MINDS?"- he relays the stories of the three most successful robberies in the history of Las Vegas casinos (only one of whom even made it out the front door) to Rusty and Danny:
    Reuben: But what am I saying? You guys are pros! The best! I'm sure you'll make it out of the casino. Ah, but lest we forget, once you're out the front door, you're still in the middle of the FUCKING DESERT!
    • Speaking of the stories: The fact that the punch line for each incident is accompanied by a freeze-frame!
    • Every other line from Reuben for that matter, as both Deadpan Snarker and elder wiseguy who understands how things work in the con game.
  • While watching surveillance of security hallways:
    Danny: Why do they always paint hallways that color?
    Rusty: They say taupe is very soothing.
    Danny: *shrugs, takes sip of whiskey*
  • Danny and Rusty's "conversation" before they pick up Linus:
    Danny: Ten ought to do it, don't you think?
    Rusty: *says nothing*
    Danny: You think we need one more?
    Rusty: *still says nothing*
    Danny: You think we need one more.
    Rusty: *further nothing*
    Danny: All right, we'll get one more. *walks off*
    Rusty: *blinks*
  • "Where the FUCK you been?" Made even funnier by the fact that this is one of only two lines in the entire trilogy that Yen says in English.
  • It's easy to miss but definitely one of the best lines in the film:
    Reuben: Look, we all go way back and uh, I owe you from the thing with the guy in the place and I'll never forget it.
    Danny: That was our pleasure.
    Rusty: I'd never been to Belize.
  • Linus poses as someone from the NGC and talks to Benedict about Frank:
    Linus: Apparently he's got a record longer than my... Well...it's long.
    Benedict: [glances at Linus's crotch]
  • While waiting for Danny, Basher, and Yen to steal the "pinch," Linus is stuck in the getaway van with the "Bickering Brothers" Virgil and Turk Malloy. Cue hilariousness:
    Virgil: Alright, you start.
    Turk: [with disdain] Okay, go ahead, I got one.
    Virgil: Are you gonna think of one, or—
    Turk: [interrupting] No, I've already thought of one, I'm not going think of one.
    Virgil: [egging him on] Alright, so you're thinking of one right now.
    Turk: No, I'm done thinking about, I have it in my head.
    Virgil: Fine. Are you a man.
    Turk: Yes, nineteen.
    Virgil: Are you alive.
    Turk: [impatiently] Yes, eighteen.
    Virgil: Evel Knievel.
    Turk: ...shit!
  • The end of Ocean's Twelve.
    Female Interpol Agent: I'm proud of you...we both are.
    [beat]
    Linus: Oh come on, you told Dad?!
  • "I won eleven million dollars!"
  • "How's the game?" "Longest hour of my life." "What?" "I said I'm running away with your wife!" "Great!"
  • Rusty's response to Danny's eloquent Motive Rant about how the house always wins: "You rehearsed that speech, didn't you?" "Little bit, did I rush it?" "No, it was good, I liked it."
    • The Teen Beat thing was harsh, though.
  • The fact that Danny and Rusty begin their briefing on the robbery by piling on just how impossible it's all gonna be.
    • Cue Saul: "Let me get this straight: say we get past the door we can't open and down the elevator we can't use and past the guards with the guns and into the vault we can't open—"
    Rusty: Without being seen by the cameras.
    Danny: Uh, yeah, sorry—forgot about that....
    • "—Yeah...say we do all that: We're just gonna walk outta there, with a hundred and fifty million dollars—without being stopped?!?"
    (Beat...Beat...Beat....)
    Danny: ...Well, yeah.
    Saul: (Stares at him in silence with an Oh Crap! look) ...Oh. Okay.... (Takes some Tums)
  • "Is that - are you watching Oprah!?
  • "He's in the Casino by the slots."
  • "I wonder what Reuben will say?" [Gilligan Cut to Reuben] "YOU'RE OUTTA YOUR GODDAMN MINDS!"
    • When the group shows up at Reuben's doorstep: "What, did you guys get a group rate or something?"
  • As Danny and Rusty are scouting Yen's Chinese acrobat troupe:
    Danny: "Which one's The Amazing Yen?"
    Rusty: "The little Chinese guy."
    Danny: (Beat) *are-you-serious-stare*
  • Basher showing up after traveling in a sewer, covered in you-know-what, declaring, "Yeah—we're in deep—!"
  • This exchange from Ocean's Thirteen, after Ocean and his crew respond to Benedict's attempted double-crossing of them by donating the money they promised him to a orphan's charity, in his name:
    Benedict: You think this is funny?
    Ocean: Well, Terry, it sure as shit ain't sad!
  • Rusty coaching up Linus on the art of the con:
    Rusty: Don't use seven words when four will do; don't shift your weight. Look always at your mark, but don't stare. Be specific but not memorable; be funny but don't make him laugh. He's gotta like you, and then forget you the moment you've left his sight. And for God's sake, whatever you do, don't, under any circumstances
    Livingston: [off screen] Rust, can you take a look at this?
    Rusty: Sure. [leaves]
    Linus: ...
  • Basher hamming it up as Fender Roads: "This is HEAVY BIKE! Fender Roads is a" *pretends to play patriotic music on a flute* "I'M A GODDAMN AMERICAN ICON!" *salute*
    • This brief exchange between Virgil and Turk as they're hacking Bank's computer during Basher's distraction:
    "Are you in yet?"
    "I hate that question."
    • From that same scene (translated):
    "Not too much, make it somewhat recognizable."
    "I can make you taller. You wanna be taller?"
    "..."
    "You're a dwarf in 34 states."
    "And an animal in the other 34."
    *stare*
    "20..."
  • As Basher is about to activate the Pinch, he slowly covers his crotch with one hand and crouches slightly away in hesitation. His entire body language screams This Is Gonna Suck.
  • Toulour's laser dance in Twelve. This man beats a "randomly-shifting" laser field by dancing.
  • "Raise those skirts up by about three inches."
  • Turk and Virgil from the first movie, upon their introduction:
    Turk: "Waiting. I'm waiting."
    Virgil: "Yes, go."
    Turk: "Waiting on you, sweetheart."
    Virgil: "You what?"
    Turk: "Go, little gi—you're like a little girl."
    Virgil: (smirking) "Wha-wha-wha-!"
    Turk: "Don't— I'm gonna get out of the car and drop you like third period french okay?"
    Virgil: What?
    Turk: Stop it and go!
    • The fact that they're racing a monster truck against a monster truck model and Virgil only loses because Turck runs the mini over with his truck. Turk's delightes cackle is priceless.