Funny / Ocean's Eleven

Ocean's Eleven

  • "How's the game?" "Longest hour of my life." "What?" "I said I'm running away with your wife!" "Great!"
  • Rusty's response to Danny's eloquent Motive Rant about how the house always wins: "You rehearsed that speech, didn't you?" "Little bit, did I rush it?" "No, it was good, I liked it. The Teen Beat thing was harsh, though."
  • "I wonder what Reuben will say?" [Gilligan Cut to Reuben] "YOU'RE OUTTA YOUR GODDAMN MINDS!"
    • He then relays the stories of the three most successful robberies in the history of Las Vegas casinos (only one of whom even made it out the front door) to Rusty and Danny:
    Reuben: But what am I saying? You guys are pros! The best! I'm sure you can make it out of the casino. Of course, lest we forget, once you're out the front door, you're still in the middle of the FUCKING DESERT!
    • Speaking of the stories: The fact that the punch line for each incident is accompanied by a freeze-frame!
      • And how very, very blatantly those flashbacks display their appropriate decade. The third one in particular seems to have borrowed its Eighties costumes, cars, soundtrack, and even its cinematography directly from Miami Vice.
    • As a whole throughout the series most lines from Reuben for that matter, as both Deadpan Snarker and elder wiseguy who understands how things work in the con game.
  • It's easy to miss but definitely one of the best lines in the film:
    Reuben: Look, we all go way back and uh, I owe you from the thing with the guy in the place and I'll never forget it.
    Danny: That was our pleasure.
    Rusty: I'd never been to Belize.
  • The Malloy Bros.' introduction - a scene immediately preceded by Rusty telling Danny that they are "having trouble filling the hours."
    Turk: "Waiting. I'm waiting."
    Virgil: "Yes, go."
    Turk: "Waiting on you, sweetheart."
    Virgil: "You what?"
    Turk: "Go, little gi—you're like a little girl."
    Virgil: (smirking) "Wha-wha-wha-!"
    Turk: "Don't— I'm gonna get out of the car and drop you like third period french okay?"
    Virgil: What?
    Turk: Stop it and go!
    • The fact that they're racing a monster truck against a monster truck model and Virgil only loses because Turk runs the mini over with his truck. Turk's delighted cackle is priceless.
  • "It will be nice working with proper villains again." - Pretty much explains the whole appeal of the trilogy.
  • As Danny and Rusty are scouting Yen's Chinese acrobat troupe:
    Danny: "Which one's The Amazing Yen?"
    Rusty: "The little Chinese guy."
    Danny: (Beat) *are-you-serious-stare*
  • Danny and Rusty's "conversation" before they pick up Linus:
    Danny: Ten ought to do it, don't you think?
    Rusty: *says nothing*
    Danny: You think we need one more?
    Rusty: *still says nothing*
    Danny: You think we need one more.
    Rusty: *further nothing*
    Danny: All right, we'll get one more. *walks off*
    Rusty: *blinks*
  • When the group shows up at Reuben's doorstep: "What, did you guys get a group rate or something?"
    • A line that didn't make the final cut was when the door opened, Livingston bleats out "Trick or treat!"
  • The fact that Danny and Rusty begin their briefing on the robbery by piling on just how impossible it's all gonna be.
  • Yen asks a serious, practical question about the robbery in Mandarian, and Danny gives a serious answer in English. For whatever reason, the thieves can magically understand one another.
    • Cue Saul: "Let me get this straight: say we get past the door we can't open and down the elevator we can't use and past the guards with the guns and into the vault we can't open—"
    Rusty: Without being seen by the cameras.
    Danny: Uh, yeah, sorry—forgot about that....
    • "—Yeah...say we do all that: We're just gonna walk outta there, with a hundred and fifty million dollars—without being stopped?!?"
    Danny: ...Well, yeah.
    Saul: (Stares at him in silence with an Oh, Crap! look) ...Oh. Okay.... (Takes some Tums)
  • While watching surveillance of security hallways:
    Danny: Why do they always paint hallways that color?
    Rusty: They say taupe is very soothing.
    Danny: *shrugs, takes sip of whiskey*
  • Basher showing up after traveling in a sewer, covered in you-know-what, declaring, "Yeah—we're in deep—!"
  • While waiting for Danny, Basher, and Yen to steal the "pinch," Linus is stuck in the getaway van with the "Bickering Brothers" Virgil and Turk Malloy. Cue hilariousness:
    Virgil: Alright, you start.
    Turk: [with disdain] Okay, go ahead, I got one.
    Virgil: Are you gonna think of one, or—
    Turk: [interrupting] No, I've already thought of one, I'm not going think of one.
    Virgil: [egging him on] Alright, so you're thinking of one right now.
    Turk: No, I'm done thinking about, I have it in my head.
    Virgil: Fine. Are you a man.
    Turk: Yes, nineteen.
    Virgil: Are you alive.
    Turk: [impatiently] Yes, eighteen.
    Virgil: Evel Knievel.
    Turk: ...shit!
  • Rusty coaching up Linus on the art of the con:
    Rusty: Don't use seven words when four will do; don't shift your weight. Look always at your mark, but don't stare. Be specific but not memorable; be funny but don't make him laugh. He's gotta like you, and then forget you the moment you've left his sight. And for God's sake, whatever you do, don't, under any circumstances
    Livingston: [off screen] Rust, can you take a look at this?
    Rusty: Sure. [leaves]
    Linus: ...
    • It's implied that he was leading into 'screw up', which Livingston delivers just before Linus takes his cue to talk to Benedict.
  • Linus poses as someone from the NGC and talks to Benedict about Frank:
    Linus: Apparently he's got a record longer than my...'s long.
    Benedict: [glances at Linus's crotch]
  • As Basher is about to activate the Pinch, he slowly covers his crotch with one hand and crouches slightly away in hesitation. His entire body language screams This Is Gonna Suck.note 
  • Danny's trigger malfunctioning, with Linus reasoning the batteries needing changing. This dialogue is part-Call-Back to Linus getting in the way of the Pinch theft and part-setting up Danny putting his foot in his mouth.
    Linus: Y'know, you lose focus for one second...
    Danny: I know, someone gets hurt. I don't hear Yen complaining.
    • They explode the door and walk in to find Yen...
      Danny/Linus ... Sorry.
      • This is even funnier by the fact that this is one of only two lines in the entire trilogy that Yen says in English. Not to mention that had they been on time, he'd have been blown to bits. Danny and Linus' sheepish apologies sell it even better.
  • "He's in the Casino by the slots."
    • "Of course I'm in the Casino. In fact, I'm staying in your hotel. I've got two words for you - Mini Bar."
  • Rusty greets a tuxedo clad Danny as he leaves prison. If this scene doesn't establish them as best friends nothing else does:
    Rusty: I hope you were the groom
    Danny: *beat* Ted Nugent called.....he wants his shirt back.

Ocean's Twelve

  • When the group gets together just after Benedict has found+threatened everyone, the group is more concerned and hurt about the fact that Benedict called them "Ocean's 11", and voice their concerns to Danny, while Rusty simply smirks.
    • Also from that scene, everyone is tallying how much they each owe Benedict, with interest. The interest is ~6 million, and they each owe Benedict 19 million in total. The picks of the bunch? Livingston is short just the ~6 million (he's been staying with his parents), while Rusty is short 25 million ("Hotels, man").
  • Linus talks Danny and Rusty into letting him do more for the team while in Europe. So they bring him along to a meet with Matsui (Robbie Coltrane), during which Matsui converses with a bizarre code slang. When Matsui nods at Linus for a response, the flustered rookie con artist can only come up with lyrics to Led Zeppelin's "Kashmir". Which seemingly enrages Matsui. Linus' mom finds out during the movie's end and gently chides him for it.
  • After being pipped to their relatively-small-time artefact (about $2M) by the Night Fox - and thus challenged with the entire debt as a prize - the team responds by breaking into his Lake Como mansion and stealing a small collection of paintings in the formation of a middle finger.
  • Roman Nagel's introduction involves him taking a call from Isabel on behalf of Rusty (completely unaware she's actually getting evidence to arrest him), and he just blisters Rusty on the phone to her about how hard his requests are and how much more it will cost him. It ends with this howler:
    Roman: Tell him having a sexy female assistant is such a terrible cliche. (Cue Roman's sexy female assistant walking in after he hangs up)
  • Danny and Rusty get wake-up calls. At 11:30pm the night before. From Tolour.
    Danny: It's 5:30, day of. We gotta go. Let's go.
    Rusty: It's 11:30, the night before.
    Danny: Oh... wh.. (double-take) Oh.
    Rusty: Oh! Oh, he's mean. That's just mean spirit- how many espressos did you have?
    Danny: Five.
  • When Plan A goes wrong, Linus coaxes Tess to fly to Italy in order to perform a "Looky-Loo". In the limo from the airport Tess argues what's going on while Linus and Basher bicker over Julia Roberts's accent that she's supposed to put on; of all people Basher himself states "The accent is crucial. That's the first thing people notice!".
  • Toulour's laser dance. This man beats a "randomly-shifting" laser field by dancing.
  • During the climax when Linus is riding the the limo:
    Female Interpol Agent: I'm proud of you...we both are.
    Linus: Oh come on, you told Dad?!
    • And then at the end of Ocean's Thirteen.
    Male FBI Agent: I'm just glad your mother didn't have to see that.

Ocean's Thirteen

  • "Raise those skirts up by about three inches." - by Frank, asking the girls he's hiring for the domino stand.
  • "Is that - are you watching Oprah!?
  • Basher hamming it up as Fender Roads: "This is HEAVY BIKE! Fender Roads is a" *pretends to play patriotic music on a flute* "I'M A GODDAMN AMERICAN ICON!" *salute*
    • This brief exchange between Virgil and Turk as they're hacking Bank's computer during Basher's distraction:
    "Are you in yet?"
    "I hate that question."
    • From that same scene (translated):
    "Not too much, make it somewhat recognizable."
    "I can make you taller. You wanna be taller?"
    "You're a dwarf in 34 states."
    "And an animal in the other 34."
    "24... 22."
  • After Ocean and his crew respond to Benedict's attempted double-crossing of them by donating the money they promised him to a orphan's charity, in his name:
    Benedict: You think this is funny?
    Ocean: Well, Terry, it sure as shit ain't sad!
  • The very end where the VUP is compensated for the hell he's been put through...
    "I won eleven million dollars!"