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Funny / Not for Broadcast

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"Tony, I mean— we were literally away for two seconds! How has this happened, Tony? Can you hear me?"

"It's Boseman. Alex, we're about to hold a interview and we need you to keep the broadcast rolling, because I have a feeling even you will be laughing along with the audience, so try to pay attention."

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    Day 1: The Election 
    Day 8: The Fallout 
    Day 56: The Telethon 
  • All of the Telethon. Seriously. All of it.
  • Graham Bannon trying to pronounce Sally- er, I mean Suzy Button's life threatening condition.
    Graham: Pseudio... hyper... um... pseudia- uh, I should've learnt that. Pseudio- hypo... uh poo? Poo- poo, poo, poo... poo poo... I dunno how to say that word.
  • Raj and Rishik's "performance", the latter being a Brutally Honest hand puppet who works in banking. Oh, and their means of traveling was on a cycle with Rishik somehow cycling while Raj was sitting in the basket.
  • The new Producer's aka Peter Clement's backup plan in place of the missing acrobat.
    Producer: No, Acrobat's not here.
    Graham: Great!
    Producer: Well, uh, I've got an alternative.
    Graham: Okay.
    Producer: His name's James.
    Graham: Sounds good to me.
    Producer: He's not an acrobat-
    Graham: Sounds good to me! Bring him on! Now, ladies and gentlemen, I don't know what is going to happen now, but please welcome to the stage, it's the incredible- It is James.
    • James' awkward arrival to the stage.
      [Fanfare music plays, as James enters the stage]
      [Beat]
      Graham: Hello?
      James: Hello!
      Graham: Oh.
      • James tries to do a cartwheel, complete with fair music! Except he doesn't and flops on his buttocks instead.
        James: Ow.
        Graham: And that's the act. Absolutely marvelous.
  • The booth ladies and the others dance to the tune of "Swell to Be a Man", the song in the second act done In the Style of Elvis Presley's 1950s songs. Note that this song was added to the game in the "Quality of Life" patch. And it is funny and fantastic.
  • Every moment with Raj is comedic in some way, for example when he replaces the Strongman act, and Graham's reactions.
    [Raj enters the stage, wearing only undergarments]
    Graham: [In a high pitched tone] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH?!
    Raj: [Begins flexing, smiling throughout]
    • And then he replaces the magician act, where he poses as the Great Bamboozle.
  • Raj says that he has some great news in the middle of the show, he announces that the monkey problem is sorted out! Cue Raj wearing a child sized monkey costume on his legs.
    Raj: It's very strong, so it's carrying me on its back. And it has banana... It is offering banana to you.
    Graham: No. NO! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE! FUDGE!
  • In the third segment, no more acts can be found, and the phone girls have had quite enough of Graham's abuse, so they start putting through callers as he protests.
    Caller: Hello?
    Graham: Ladies and gen- who is that?! Stop putting people through!
    Caller: Aye, I'd like to donate a tenner please.
    Graham: Ah ha. We have a serious gentleman on now. Hello sir, did you say you'd like to donate a tenner?
    Caller: Yeah that's right, I'd like to donate a tenner. A tenner to the fund to stop Graham Bannon being on TV! Hahaha!
    The laugh sound plays.
    Graham: No, no, no don't play the laugh sound! Wasn't funny. Oh, so you think you can do better, do you?
    Caller: Aye, that's right.
    Graham: Okay! The stage is yours. Go on! Tell a joke! Tell a wee joke.
    Caller: Alright, I'll do the wee joke. How many Graham Bannon does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    Graham: I'm not gonna like this...
    Caller: It depends on the fee!
    The laugh sound plays again.
    Graham: No! The joke was horrible. The joke was horrible. No! We're not having horrible jokes. We're not doing any more of that. We're not having any more callers. I think they're stupid, and also they seem drunk to me.
    Day 85: Live and Spooky 
  • You can deliberately mess with the Spiritjammer right after Dianne tells you not to, causing Alex to get smacked in the face by a VHS box.
    Dianne: Haha, you're so funny, aren't you, Alex? Now put it back and STOP TOUCHING MY SHIT!
  • The show's opening features a shot of Amara with the caption "GHOST SCAMM-", immediately corrected to "GHOST SCANNED".
  • Amara getting scared every time Patrick states the acronym of her Branching Octahedral Oscillating Optoelectronics technology.
  • The narration for the costume room mentions the most terrifying thing it contains - large amounts of corduroy.
  • After Amara discusses her breakthrough, the camera can be changed to the ghost camera, which reads "SUCCESSFULLY LIED!" once initialized.
  • Patrick's rant if you sent him down to the vault.
    Patrick: Oh shut the fuck off- shut the fuck- stop falling. Oh, great. Well done, Patrick. Well done, this is a fine mess you've got yourself into. "Hey Mr. Bannon. How would you like to run around like a dickhead for a few hours, pretending ghosts exist?" "Yeah, sounds good to me, mate... Yeah." "And we will be capitalizing off the death of your dad. How does that sound?" "Yeah, fine by me, mate. What's the fee?" "Ten grand and as many pastries as you can stuff in your mouth. Sound good?" "Yeah, mate." And the croissants were cold.
  • After Holly steals the reel back from Patrick, he breaks down into tears over the prospect of being put on the sports desk as punishment. Day 153 proves him correct.
    Day 153: The Tempest 
  • The way Wentworth tawks wike this during his interview.
  • When the Somerset-Bentleys begin stripping down, their father fires a shotgun. The bullet ends up hitting Wentworth's penis.
    • Take a careful look at Jeremy and Jenny in the rest of the feeds. First their reactions are those of concern, then disbelief, then finally when Wentworth begins talking about protesting it turns into laughter. All the while Megan is confused, then when Penelope starts taking off her clothes she is in pure shock.
      • As if that wasn't enough, when Mr. Somerset-Bentley shoots his gun both Jeremy and Megan are in pure shock and confusion. Jeremy all the while is amused by this occurrence, and Megan is concerned.
  • During both of her interviews, Robyn is far more concerned about getting coffee when everyone else begins fighting with each other.
  • The entirety of the Sportsboard segment is downright hilarious, from a variety of ways to toss an object into the trashbin (with the goal of not landing on the actual bin), to naked protestors and Patrick Bannon's witty comments on them, to the trashbin getting knocked out by one of them (the last one that wasn't in the original script).
    • The group cutting to a commercial break after that segment, in which Jeremy feels an electric shock from the microphone due to a thunderstorm getting out of control.
      Jeremy: [getting pissed off] Fucking microphone shocked me!
      Megan: [confused] What?
      Jeremy: The fucking microphone just shocked me! [walks away in a huff]
  • During Megan's interview with Peter Clement and Julia Salisbury, the thunderstorm is growing wilder and wilder, and since Peter is unfortunate enough to have a seat under a leaky ceiling, he gets a number of electric shocks, becoming a Cluster F-Bomb Butt-Monkey.
    Peter: JESUS HORATIO FACE FUCKER! That one were massive! Right no, this bastard's coming off!
    • Even when he's having the mic taken off, it still manages to land one final zap on him. Poor Peter.
      Peter: Look, I am perfectly capable of- [gets zapped again] OH, FUCK MY GRANDMOTHER WITH A RUSTY TWAT-BASHER!
    Day ???: The Lockdown 
  • Jenny gives a tutorial on how to deal with the Mrs. Snugglehugs toys climbing up the broadcast tower. If the player chooses to ignore her instructions, she'll become increasingly snarky before giving up and letting you take your time, concluding that you're just trying to get a rise out of her, just like a certain news anchor.
    Jenny: Okay, you're clearly just doing this to wind me up, and I get quite enough of that from Jeremy. Take as long as you need. I've got my pyjamas on, and the kettle's just boiled.
    Jenny: Ugh, I'm not doing this shit again. You're worse than he is! Take your time, Alex. I've got a tin of pineapple chunks to eat anyway.
  • The opening headline is hilarious. When you're used to the anchors refraining from swearing while live, it can really catch you off guard:
    Jeremy: First in: Snugglefucked?
    • The fact the Doctors David Wong and Ingrid Svorsborgenhorgensvord have two children named Times (son) and Helvetica (daughter) Svorsborgenwongensvord.
    • Even crazier headlines appear depending on your choices with Johnny Hamsleeves and on whether or not you've handed your passport to Chris. Even weirder are the wacky headlines with either Julia or Peter depending on whether the player sided with Advance or Disrupt.
  • During the second act, Katie Brightman and Alan James are still bickering about toys attacking the town, with Katie mocking Alan's voice with a "Memememememememe..."
    Alan: [confused] But—
    Katie: Meh.
    Alan: ...I—
    Katie: Meh.
    Alan: ...Well—
    Katie: Meh.
    Alan: [Beat] Well, I'm telling! [runs off]
  • During another interview, Patrick Bannon is filming himself claiming that he's on Bannon Avenue, when in reality he's interviewing in the bathroom. During the time, it turns into a spoof of Night Trap when the Snugglehugs are breaking in and attacking him. He flees into the shower, ranting out a Cluster F-Bomb and telling them not to hurt him as they close in on him. Black Comedy at its finest.
    • After Patrick meets his demise, it's revealed that Jeremy is the one who sent the Snugglehugs to his house!
  • Three words: National Nightly Lose.
    Jeremy: Fuck off, Jenny! It's one thing to do this to me, it's another to make me do fucking puns!
  • In the middle of the broadcast, there is a Running Gag of Jeremy's name constantly changing when people say it, to the point the in-game captions begin referring to him as the name he has been most recently called. These names are: Jonny, Jerejimmy, John, Jellybean, Jamie, Gerbil, Jamboree, and the last one said by himself, Jeffrey Donnington.
  • At the end of the "Mr. Bear" song, Megan appears in various disguises, from Devil Meg to Megany Donaldswolfe to Mad Megs to Poetry in Megan to Megan Winston to Mummy Wolfe to Musical Megan to The Reverend Wolfe. And which one you get varies depending on whether or not Alex helps Chris (sibling-in-law) or Charlie (son) or Suzie (daughter).
    Day 232: The Silence 
  • What better way to open up a broadcast with the headlines talking about the progress of Advance and Disrupt... than with the Vox Pops giving comments on all of them! You can press either a "positive", "neutral", or "negative" button in any way you like, and they'll all be funny every time, from the girl who says "Squee", to the elderly Malcolm who always talks about his mother, to the elderly Algernon berating Advance while Iris is trying to speak, to a delinquent punk who also berates Advance for trying to "transition" his mother. And they all take the cake!
  • The whole interview with the prime ministers is pretty hilarious.
    • At the beginning, one screen on the bottom right says, "Interview: Prime Minister Bjerg ???".
    • Heck, Prime Minister Ivan Vodovich's whole shebang on the speech commenting about sex jokes and "an animal who fucks a pig", and "That's shit of bull!", and, of course, Teeny Weenies!
      • Also an example of Getting Crap Past the Radar, as the uses of the word "penis" are still allowed on a family-friendly broadcast you're trying to keep rated G (or at least PG), but not his other spoken profanities.
    • In one version of the interview, it gets even more hilarious as Ivan insults Peter Clement one too many times and they get into a spat against each other. Bjerk tries to calm them down, often with a Verbal Tic of "yah?". Their response?
      Peter and Ivan: [in unison] Oh, fuck off, Bjerk!
    • At the first break, Peter and Ivan still get into a little spat against each other for one more time. Megan's response? "Welll... shiiiit."
      • Jenny's Brief Accent Imitation takes the cake:
        Jenny: [imitating Ivan] You two are like couple who think you are king and queen of village when actually you are just puppets on a string of evil shitty hand puppet lady!
        Megan: Oh yeah. [both ladies laugh]
  • It seems Jeremy still doesn't think too highly of Geoff.
    Jeremy: Here to talk about his new show, we're joined by national treasure Tommy Harris, the national theatre's Philippa Rayden, [smile immediately falls] and national deficit Geoff Algebra. So Geoff, the question on everyone's lips is: What in God's name are you doing here?
    [...]
    Megan: And people can see it for absolutely free, all courtesy of Advance. Isn't that incredible, Jeremy?
    Jeremy: Yes. It's unbelievable, Megan.
    Day 912: The Uprising 
  • The second segment is the finale of The Noticeboard, and one of three variations plays based on Alex's choice of sound effects for its premiere in the previous broadcast. If they played enough correct sound effects, it's about as cringeworthy as usual, but if they played enough wrong ones, things go hilariously wrong:
    • "The Noticeboard, Finally" plays if Alex played generally wrong sound effects.
      • Megan interviews Geoff Algebra, who has brought an enormous bag of letters with him, all from viewers ripping his show to shreds. Some gems include "Dear arrogant, talentless oaf. You're not funny, you're annoying and I wish you'd all go and live in the sea," "Fuck off Geoff!" and two red handprints next to the message, "You're a shitty, shitty man."
      • Geoff then proceeds to call out Alex directly, blaming them for ruining the show and saying "Alex Winston, you just be glad that security won't let me up there any more, alright?" implying that Alex has been taking the piss out of the show for its entire runtime, and Geoff has repeatedly tried to break into their workplace to confront them.
      • During The Noticeboard, Tommy stumbles through his first lines, and there's some awkward pauses, but everything seems to be going alright for a while... up until Tommy forgets his line, and the three actors get stuck in a loop. Geoff tries to get things back on track, by giving Tommy his line... only for Phillipa to forget her line as well and continue the loop. The longer it goes on, the funnier it gets. Phillipa and Tommy are seemingly oblivious to the situation, saying their lines with a slightly different inflection each time, while Geoff becomes increasingly frustrated.
        Tommy: I don't know what you're talking about.
        Phillipa: Reverend!
        Geoff: Admit it! You wanted the Village Fête cancelled so you could have the day off, didn't you?
        Phillipa: Vicar! Is this true?
        Tommy: I don't know what you're talking about.
        Phillipa: Reverend!
        Geoff: NO!!! Someone's fucked this!
        [...]
        Geoff: "I already have to work Sundays."
        Tommy: I already have to work Sundays! I shouldn't have to work two days a week!
        Phillipa: Vicar! Is this true?
        Tommy: I don't know what you're talking about.
        Phillipa: REVEREND!
        Geoff: FUCK!
      • With the ad break coming up, Megan decides to step in and put the show out of its misery. Geoff protests, Tommy and Phillipa leave the set, and Geoff proceeds to try and play all three parts by himself in a fit of desperation. Tommy and Phillipa then come back, put a bag over Geoff's head, and wheel him away on a cart; meanwhile, Megan struggles to contain her laughter as she closes out the segment.
        Megan: It is a shame, it's a real shame.
        Geoff: You'll fucking regret this!
    • "The Noticeboard, Finished" plays if Alex specifically decided to play the boo sound effect for Tommy. This one has much more Black Comedy, when it isn't outright depressing.
      • Megan is supposed to interview Tommy, who doesn't arrive until nearly a minute after the segment starts, forcing Megan to fill for time. Slurring his words, he immediately pulls a bottle of alcohol out from behind the couch. When Megan raises her eyebrows at this, he apologizes... and proceeds to pull another bottle of alcohol out from his sweater pocket, offering it to Megan, who declines.
      • He reclines on the couch and proceeds to monologue about how much he hates his life:
        Tommy: Well I spent the morning staring at the ceiling. Uh... and then I had this photoshoot where I was dressed up like an egg. And then, I wanted to go home and think about death. But I'm contractually obliged to sit here in front of you and do it here.
      • During The Noticeboard, Tommy's hair and shirt are disheveled, and he stumbles around the stage, downing all the alcohol he can get his hands on as the show continues. He remembers his lines just fine, but he delights at throwing in random swear words, seemingly just to fuck with Alex.
        Tommy: Well! First I'll be running the tombola, then I'll be selling dick for money.

  • If you don't give the advertisers much promotion by playing their ads, then what happens on Day 912 is humorously sad:
    • Rymmington-Svist holds a flash sale where Brad and Janet are the only remaining employees, still held under a contract to promote the company's remaining "products". The two of them also wear equipment around their wrists that shock them if they accidentally reveal that RS is doing anything but "relocating".
      Brad: Wow, look at all this stuff! Such low prices! Like this... [rummages inside nearby box] box of packing peanuts.
      Janet: Err, uh- Or this! Bottle of... [disgusted] Brad's urine...
    • Crazy Neil is living up to his name as the man now appears to have gone homeless, selling things such as dumpster-quality forks that he's personally licked clean and a bunch of knives (he doesn't have spoons), as well as lots of motherfucking sticks that he really wants you to buy. He's also giving deals to animals now, after a stray deer took a carton in the parking lot away.
      Crazy Neil: Oh god. I'm broken!
    • Pleasure Corp seems to be selling a Limited Edition collection named "The Joy of Liquidation," which in reality is pretty much anything still left in the office, from whole pieces of furniture to employees' personal belongings, and even the CEO's own chair.
      Rodney: Actually, I paid for that, please don't take tha-
    Day 1975: The Sterility 
  • Megan tries to introduces her foster daughter Stacey to the audience as part of "Bring Your Daughter To Work Day" and is met with a blunt "Go fuck yourself".
  • After being pulled just a day before its release, The Medicated from Day 1 is reworked into The Automated, a film about artificial intelligence. The trailer is nearly identical to the original film, save for having CGI drones randomly edited in and nonsensical dubbing.
    Dick: I can't deconstruct it! Robots! [pushes papers off the desk]
    Hana: Is this a wig?
    Dick: You think I don't grow that?
    Hana: [kissing Dick] No, Dick, I'll kill you! Think of Saturn!
    Day 2602: The Finale 
  • Though the episode as a whole is more saddening and tense, Boseman provides quite a bit of levity throughout.
    • If Jeremy and Alan are both alive, then throughout the entire second segment, Boseman is getting absolutely hammered over the intercom and doesn't even bother shutting it off on his end until later.
    • And then there's his responses for two versions of the third segment:
      • If Jeremy is alive and Alan is dead, Julia starts demanding that Boseman cut the program, only for him to give a fitting response.
        Boseman: Hmm? What's that? Sorry, Prime Minister, the tannoy seems to be broken.
        (Boseman audibly pours liquid into the intercom system and short-circuits it)
      • If both Jeremy and Alan are alive, he responds to your choice to play the tape with this gem:
        Boseman: Oh damn! Glad I'm not making this choice.
  • As a gesture of goodwill, Boseman lets you have complete control over the SFX buttons, letting you keep The Nightly Show lively... or letting you take the absolute piss out of it.
  • Colin, the sound technician, also provide a lot of levity behind the scenes:
  • Celebrity chef Jordan Rankly comes on to bake an apple pie. "Patrick" joins in, and her Lethal Chef tendencies causes Rankly to go full-Gordon Ramsey.
    Rankly: What are you doing, you fucking donkey?! Are your brains the size of that fucking egg?!
  • In the Visions of the Future segment, a drawing contest intended for children, the second place winner is a violent, comic book-style drawing by a 41 year old named Keith. Robyn wastes no time in tearing him apart:
    Robyn: You can see the sort of gladiatorial arena and then what I can only assume is Keith himself pulling off this chap's head and shouting um... "Come back to me Linda!" Oh, Keith! Maybe if you spent more time outdoors and less time entering children's competitions, she might not have left.
  • In the route with both Jeremy and Alan dead, the first segment of the broadcast has the entries for a contest to determine Advance's anthem. The runners-up consisted of a child singing off-key, a cheesy power ballad, a catchy band song with no lyrics, and a Death Metal song ("I FUCKING HATE SELFISH PEOPLE!"), with the winner being Jonathan — the man who organized the contest to begin with. "Patrick", who made numerous entries herself, is not impressed that none of her entries were even given an honorable mention.

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