For a show about serial killers and other nuts that go bump in the night, Criminal Minds manages quite a few of these.
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1x01 Extreme Aggressor
Hotch and Reid at a man's house and then his dog starts barking at Reid.
Hotch: It's okay. It's what we call the Reid Effect. It happens with children too.
(later in the interview)
Interviewee: So, what kind of doctor are you?
Reid: There are PhDs actually. Three of them.
Interviewee: What are you, some kind of genius?
Reid: I don't believe intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, and eidetic memory and can read 20,000 words a minute.
Interviewee: *dazed expression*
Reid: Yes, I'm a genius.
Morgan: I thought you said I was talking to the office of Supreme Genius?
Garcia: Well you've been rerouted to the office of Too Frickin' Bad.
After beginning to work through the many dozens of people with the name mentioned by the UnSub, Morgan quips, "Why don't we just change the first question to "Have you recently dated a homicidal pyromaniac?"
1x04 In Plain Sight
At the beginning of the episode, Reid is at his 24th birthday party in the office, trying to blow out trick candles and wearing a ridiculous hat. Which Gideon solemnly advises him not to take off.
1x05 Broken Mirror
The scene when Morgan and Elle are discussing a twin's apparent psychic relation with the other twin. Bonus points to Hotch walking in, adding to the argument, and then getting straight to business.
Elle: You think Cheryl's a whack job because she claims she can feel her sister's anxiety?
Morgan: I never said whack job.
Reid: (walking in) Actually,there may be a psychological basis for it.
Morgan: Don't ask.
Reid: Reversed asymmetry monozygotic eggs split late, between 9 to 12 days. (Morgan shakes his head and smiles) The DNA matches right down to the very last stranded code, and there's sporadic documentation of shared physiological pain.
Morgan: And you believe it?
Reid: No, I'm just saying it's possible. I don't know everything, you know, despite the fact that you think that I do.
Morgan: I never said that. When have I ever said that?
Reid: Every day since I met you.
Elle: This morning at breakfast.
Hotch: (walking in) Yesterday, when he beat you at cards... um, we've got one minute.
Morgan: (As everyone walks away) Hasn't anyone heard of sarcasm?
While he has a very good reason for doing it, the scene where Gideon basically trolls the kidnapper by hanging up on him multiple times when he tries to call the agents is hysterical.
Considering the subject matter, this episode has a few of these. One of the funniest has to be at the very end.
Hotch: Well, I wouldn't have kept kicking you, I was afraid you didn't get my plan.
Reid: I got your plan the minute you moved the hostages out of my line of fire.
Hotch: Well, I hope I didn't hurt you too badly.
Reid: Hotch, I was a twelve-year-old child prodigy in a Las Vegas public high school. You kick like a nine-year-old girl.
There's another at the start, where Hotch is trying to help Reid shoot straight. Reid fires, hits the target in the crotch, and all Hotch says is "Did Elle teach you that?"
At the beginning of the episode, Elle tells Derek not to say anything to Reid about failing his shooting exam, since she knows he'll be upset about it. As soon as Reid walks into the office, Derek tells him that they're all there for him, and wraps a whistle around his neck telling him to blow it if he needs them. A dick move? Yes. Hilarious? Also yes.
1x08 Natural Born Killer
Reid and Greenaway inserting themselves into Garcia's cramped technology hub leads to some amusing exchanges, particularly after Elle asks if Garcia can get into the records of a certain mob member:
Reid: Despite the fact that they were probably expunged, you can find the faintest echo of deletion, successfully recreate the file...
(Garcia does so before he can even finish speaking)
Reid:...thereby sending us all to prison for computer felony fraud counts.
Greenaway: We can make bail.
Before entering a train to negotiate with a man who's taken hostages, Reid does his best to perform a magic trick where he palms a microchip. After he takes several attempts to succeed, he asks for a favour: "Could at least one of you look like you're going to see me again?"
1x11 Bloody Hungry
Gideon enters on crutches. When Hotch asks what happened to him, Gideon says that he has a list of things he wants to try before it's too late, to which Elle replies "And orthopaedic surgery's one of them?"
1x16 The Tribe
Most of episode, especially the girls' reaction to Sean Hotchner, Hotch asking Reid if his name is Samuel, and the end banter between Hotch and John Blackwolf.
Hotch: You okay?
Blackwolf: You just had to shoot somebody, didn't you?
Gideon: The children?
Hotch: We got them out before taking out these four.
Reid: Weren't there five of them?
Blackwolf: Captain America shot number five.
Hotch: You're welcome. Number six is cut up pretty bad, I don't know if he's going to make it.
Blackwolf: At least I didn't shoot him.
Just before the climax, Blackwolf tells Hotch to put his gun away and use his baton instead, as "there are many paths to the same place". Hotch replies, "Just so you know, you sound like a fortune cookie."
1x17 A Real Rain
The scene where the team's eating out at a Chinese restaurant and Reid tries to distract them from the fact that he can't use his chopsticks by giving random facts about them. There's also the part where Elle says they're spending too much time talking about profiling and Hotch says she's right and then asks if she's seeing anyone. She then starts asking Gideon about the case again!
On the plane, Reid mentions that he's looking forward to seeing New York:
Morgan: You've never been to New York?
Reid: We've never had an unsub there.
Hotch: (to Gideon) Weren't you going to talk to Reid about taking some vacation time?
Gideon: ...What's vacation time?
Hotch is holding his son Jack.
Jessica: You're holding him like a cantaloupe.
Hotch (trying to quiet a crying Jack): You think you can do better? Here you go, smartypants.
(Hotch hands Jack to Jessica, who causes him to stop crying immediately)
Hotch: ...Fine. Let's see you profile a disorganized psychopath.
Haley gives Hotch the phone and tells him that it's his wife. It's actually Gideon, but the moniker makes perfect sense.
It's certainly very black humor, considering what comes later, but the exchange right after that one is still funny. Haley has just come in, Hotch has told her that he has to leave her alone with the baby because of a case, and she's clearly upset about it but says it's okay and leaves.
Hotch: (Off Jessica's look). What? You heard her? She said it was okay.
While Reid, Morgan and Elle try to guess a man's computer password, Morgan has this excellent advice to give Reid:
Morgan: Come on, genius. Do something genius-like.
The plane scene:
Elle:(reading the headline) 'Stripping Bandit.' That's terrible. It makes it sound like the bandit is doing the stripping.
Reid: What would you call him?
Morgan: I'd call him an ass.
Hotch: Hey! Focus please!
Morgan and Elle were in a motel, approaching the UnSub's room.
Elle: (offering key) Key?
Morgan: No thanks, I've got one. (kicks door down)
2x05 The Aftermath
Morgan calls Garcia and asks her for some information. At the end of the call, he tells her to look up 'sexy' and 'brilliant' and calls her a goddess. Cue everyone within earshot looking at him oddly. He tries to explain that it's a work call, and everyone's just like 'Oh. Right.'
There's a short scene from near the end of the episode where the team runs into a small playground while chasing a killer and his victim, a little girl. They stop long enough to note the girl's backpack lying abandoned on the ground, then run off into the woods in pursuit. The season's blooper reel kicks off with a version of that scene where all the actors (led by Mandy Patinkin) run into the playground as usual...and then suddenly jump on the playground's merry-go-round and spin around, then climb on the see-saws and go up and down for several seconds...before jumping off and running off into the woods as if nothing happened.
"Ain't no white bears!"
Gideon, Morgan and Reid find that the UnSub has been eating the food delivered by the church to the house he's staying in- except the bowls of creamed spinach. Morgan asks if they're now looking for someone who really, really hates spinach, to which Reid replies "Who doesn't?"
2x08 Empty Planet
Reid asks Gideon if he can go out to buy a book so he can re-read it before meeting the author:
Reid: Would you mind? It'll only take ten minutes.
Hotch: I'll be right back. (Points at Reid) And don't cheat!
(Reid throws up his hands, gives the most innocent expression imaginable, before waiting for Hotch to leave and then promptly cheating, and then JJ wins)
JJ: I'm beating you, genius.
Reid: Genius Dr. Reid let you win.
The UnSub says that the first bomb will explode 'where it all began', which turns out to be Seattle. Morgan quotes the bomber, who said that 'it' needed to be stopped, and then says 'And off the top of my head, the only thing 'it' could be is grunge music and overpriced coffee'.
2x09 The Last Word
Hotch returns to his office after the case to find the newly-appointed Agent Prentiss (introduced at the start of the episode) perched on the couch. There's a beat of surprise, and then:
Hotch: Please tell me you haven't been there for the past four days.
2x12 Profiler, Profiled
Reid demonstrates a physics law using vinegar and Alka-Seltzer to make rockets:
Hotch:(picks up rocket lying at his feet) Physics magic?
The UnSub of the week has been killing black teenagers in a predominantly white area. A local black Reverend is stirring up the black community, claiming that the police simply don't care and that the team only came to investigate because a white boy was killed. As he tells the community to stand up and protest, Gideon turns the TV off and simply says, "Well, that's not helpful."
While it's not in the above clip, how Reid hurriedly puts away the costume when he sees Strauss.
The team tries to get information out of an area's extremely unhelpful populace. Reid looks for it in a trailer park and gets absolutely nowhere on his own. It's made even better by the poor guy's face.
Trailer Park Manager: What the hell do you want? Can't you read?
Reid: I'm with the FBI.
Trailer Park Manager: FBI? You're not serious. You look like a pipe cleaner with eyes! I could snap you like a twig!
Rossi: But then again, (steps into view) he's not alone either.
3x10 True Night
For an otherwise depressing episode:
Morgan:(on the phone with Garcia) Leave it alone until I get there. Hey, hey, hardhead... don't make me spank you when I get back.
Reid: Don't listen to him, Garcia, he's all talk. (Morgan smacks him on the head) Ah! JJ, he just hit me!
JJ:(not looking up) Boys, behave or I will ground you both.
Reid: You should have listened to me.
Morgan: It wouldn't have saved that much time, Reid, let it go.
Reid: The interchange between the 405 and the 101 freeways is consistently rated as the worst interchange in the entire world.
Morgan: Why do you know that?
Reid: It's a government report!
Morgan: So what?
Reid: So you work for the government, you don't read the reports?
Morgan: On the traffic patterns in a city 2,500 miles from where I live.
Reid: 2,295 miles.
Morgan: Do not make me smack you in front of all these people.
3x12 3rd Life
Someone questions Reid's methods when it comes to topography:
State Marshal: You've got to find him, and fast.
Reid: What does it look like I'm doing?
State Marshal: Colouring in a map!
Rossi tells Hotch that he needs to go to a field office to look at some evidence:
Hotch: Take Reid with you.
Reid:(Excitedly) Road trip, nice! I've got books on tape of Peter Coyote reading the entire Foundation trilogy!
(Rossi has the look of sheer terror)
It's even funnier if you have read the Foundation trilogy. None of the books are actually very long and the subject matter is actually very relevant to a profiler's interests.
Garcia makes her thoughts on keeping her relationship with Kevin a secret clear:
Garcia: Kevin, if you come within 100 feet of Agent Rossi, I will unleash an unrecoverable virus onto your personal computer system that will reduce your electronic world into something between a Commodore 64, and a block of government cheese... call me later!
Garcia and Prentiss debating on whether Rossi needs help:
And then the lawyer tries to complain about Hotchner's analysis of him to the judge, who promptly tells him to either show the court his Blackberry or back off. The look on the guy's face is priceless. (For the record, any legitimate objection he might have had to Hotchner revealing personal information about him vanished when he opened the door by questioning the accuracy of profiling.)
The revelation that Prentiss was a goth in high school, complete with Garcia producing an incriminating photo.
Garcia, on the phone with a social services worker who refuses to give her information about a closed adoption:
Garcia: You know what ma'am, I am done being nice. If you look to your cursor you'll notice it's moving on its own. That's me hacking your secure network. Now I got her file, now I got her social, and now 'cause you're grumpy, I'm gonna send your boss those Jamaican vacation photos. Check you out, no tan lines. (hangs up)
Reid's theory about an evil twin and an eviler twin...and the ensuing reactions of the team.
Especially how Hotch apparently does a Face Palm over it.
As the team discuss the case while pretending it's not relevant an executed man's DNA is at the scene.
Rossi: There are parachutes aboard, right?
Reid: Standard on all federal air transport.
Rossi: Maybe we can give one to the elephant in the room, get him out of here?
This episode's big on the Rossi-Reid snark. After they deduce that there's a code, but still have no idea what it is:
Rossi: What do you need to crack it?
Reid: The ability to clone myself and a year's supply of adderall.
Rossi: I'll put the coffee on.
Garica just gave important information to the team.
Reid: Thank you Garcia!
Garcia: You, my fine furry friends, are welcome. (hangs up)
Hotch: Remind me to have her drug tested.
Made all the funnier because Hotch delivers the line looking directly at the camera.
4x06 The Instincts (Part 1)
Reid is visiting his mother at the mental institution. He's been having visions of a dead boy. When he tells his mother he's been seeing things, she harshly whispers to him "Don't say that! They're listening!"
At the end of the episode, they have this exchange:
Reid: Doctor Norman gave me permission to sleep on the couch in your room tonight, if it's alright with you.
Diana: (to Norman, after a pause) If anyone tries to keep him in here any longer, I'll scratch your eyes out.
Norman: ... One night only. (leaves)
Diana: (after Norman is gone) It helps if they think you're crazy ó they don't argue.
4x07 Memoriam (Part 2)
The team has spent a night in Vegas. When they gather for the trip home, Prentiss has one hell of a hangover, and Morgan is playing a really loud slot machine. Prentiss asks him to stop and JJ walks into the lobby and notes that there's still credit on the machine Morgan was playing and almost presses the button when Prentiss shouts "JJ, I swear to God!". JJ asks "What?" and then Rossi's wordless imitation of a hungover Prentiss just makes it. See here.
JJ: So if anything should happen to us, it's up to you and Garcia to make sure this boy gets into Yale.
Reid: Oh, Yale. Yale. Do you want to go to Yale, Henry? That was your godfather's safety school. (Whispers conspiratorially) Don't worry, I can get you into Caltech with one phone call.
Reid tries to tell a joke.
Reid: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Reid: Two. One to change the light bulb and one to to observe how it symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of cosmic nothingness.
Reid: Um, an existentialist would...
Rossi: Before he does his quantum physics knock-knock joke (entire audience laughs), do we have any other questions about opportunities in the FBI?
"I never have any normal fans." Oh, Reid, you have no idea...
4x09 52 Pickup
This clip. Discovering that the UnSub has taken classes from a pickup artist, the team decides they need to see firsthand how the teacher (and thus the UnSub) works. So they need someone they know the man will try to pickup, and everyone turns to look at Prentiss, who has already been the subject of his attention. Dawning realization is accompanied by a pained "Oh, this is really going to suck."
"My friends call me petri dish because of all my venereal diseases!"
Reid pausing mid-profile to crack a joke at Todd's expense. Whether or not you like her, it's made funny because he never, ever does this.
Reid: Nice earrings.
Todd: Oh, thank you.
Reid: My grandmother used to wear a lot of fake jewelery also, it's very nice.
Well to be fair, he's actually demonstrating the technique.
Morgan gets some flack about his ability to hold a baby; when he proudly says that the baby's smiling at him, Garcia and Prentiss chorus "Gas!" as an explanation. A minute later, JJ (who has just been lamenting the fact that Hotch never smiles) points out, "You're smiling." Hotch's adorably deadpan reply? "Gas."
Reid: I was able to differentiate between two distinct voices, two authors. I found various idiosyncratic words, phrases, punctuation and orthography within the blog. Entries consistent with each separate person, words like soda and pop. One guy uses dashes while the other guy uses ellipses. (chuckles)
Detective Linden: ...Where'd you find this kid?
Rossi (whispering): He was left in a basket on the steps of the FBI.
4x16 Pleasure Is My Business
How utterly overwhelmed and clueless Prentiss and Reid are when standing outside the Madam's apartment.
Lauren: You two need lessons in faking it. I teach a class.
And then there's this:
Reid: What about the, umm, type of work your employees do? We're sort of operating under the assumption that this escort is, umm, killing men who... make her perform a... specific sexual act.
Lauren:(grinning) What did you have in mind, sweetie?
Reid: I... I don't even... I don't know.
A sidebar story to the episode has Kevin tell Garcia that he's in the running for a top secret technical job for the FBI. Garcia worries all episode about what this would do to their relationship. At the end of the episode, Kevin walks in on Garcia, telling her that the job "disappeared" because "someone hacked into the database". Garcia replies about how Kevin wouldn't like Karachi- where the job was- to which Kevin replies (and exposes Garcia as the hacker), "I never told you it was in Karachi."
And as a result of Reid being forced to stay with Garcia the whole episode, Reid and Garcia subsequently turn into a squabbling double act. They speak in unison and try to one-up one another over crossword clues and who gets to answer the phone.
UnSub: Did you ever hear the joke about the two Irishmen? One sa—
5x05 Cradle to Grave
The SWAT team has picked the lock on the front door and entered the UnSub's house without his knowledge. The UnSub flushes his toilet, steps out of the bathroom without washing his hands, looks up, and discovers that four FBI agents and several SWAT members have apparently teleported into his kitchen and are pointing guns at him. The man's confusion is so great he doesn't even remember to raise his hands all the way.
For being perhaps the most tearjerking episode in the show's history, the 100th episode managed to pull off one good moment when the team is trying to figure out where Haley was taken. Reid proceeds to recite it word for word without seeming to ever pause or take a breath.
Rossi and Reid going to one of the dump sites. It's in a small ditch, and Rossi convinces Reid to go down and take a closer look ("New shoes, huh?"). After they're done, Rossi leaves Reid (whose leg is still messed up from getting shot in "Faceless, Nameless") there, unable to get out of the ditch on his own.
Rossi: So, how long's it going to take you to get in that ditch?
Reid: Get in that ditch? I- I got shot in the knee, remember? My doctor says I'm not allowed to do any climbing.
Morgan: Garcia's gonna to help me find a way to get Ellie back to LA.
Hotch: How did she get here?
Morgan: She stole her foster mom's credit card. Then bought a ticket online, and then somehow lied her way through airport security.
Hotch: How old is she?
Morgan: She's nine. I didn't see this coming at all.
6x07 Middle Man
Garcia hands out tablet computers with information about the case:
Reid:(Pained expression) We've gone paperless?
Garcia:(Hands him a file) Fear not, doctor of the dark ages. I went old-school for your anti-technology quirk, paper file, hard copy photos, but the abacus is your responsibility.
Hotch:(Dubious look) Garcia, not that I don't appreciate your efforts, but exactly where did the funding for these come from?
Garcia:(Looks not unlike a deer caught in the headlights)I did a thing.
Hotch: A thing?
Garcia: Best not talk about the thing.
Hotch: We'll talk about the thing later.
Also, note that Rossi can't figure out how to turn his on and needs Hotch to do it for him.
6x08 Reflection of Desire
While going over the abduction site:
Reid: You're here to target a woman, but you don't want to attract attention.
Hotch: Well standing in the middle gawking at passing women would certainly attract attention. Like you're doing now.
Reid: What's that?
Prentiss: And just like [snaps fingers], IQ of 187 is slashed to 60.
Seaver responds to an unheard remark about Doctor Who.
Seaver: Is that the one where they fly around in the phone booth?
Reid: First of all, it's a police box. Not a phone booth. Second of all, Doctor Who started a quarter of a century before Bill and Ted even went on their bodacious adventures so really they should have just called it Bill and Ted's Excellent Rip-off. At least then they would've made-
Seaver: I'm really sorry.
Reid: For what?
6x24 Supply & Demand
Morgan shows some unexpected maths skills:
(Morgan and Rossi are inspecting a car)
Rossi: Tank's three-quarters full.
Morgan: Well, it says here capacity's 18 gallons. 15 miles per gallon, he used up a quarter tank, so he must have fueled up about 70 miles ago.
Rossi's cooking lesson at the end of the episode. Doubles up as a CMOH when Reid shows up. Bonus points for Hotch being the second most knowledgeable.
The funny starts earlier, when Morgan first suggests that Rossi teach Garcia how to cook and Rossi glowers at him. Later Hotch suggests it also as a way for the team to bond again, and Rossi sighs in annoyance.
Rossi: Is this an order?
Hotch: No, just a very tempered suggestion.
Rossi: Temperance, yeah right. (walks off as Hotch smirks)
Reid and JJ discuss high school, JJ denies she was a 'mean girl':
JJ: I was actually one of the nice girls. Even to guys like you.
Reid: Guys like me- I'll have you know my social standing increased once I started winning at basketball.
JJ: Oh yeah, you played basketball?
Reid:(disparagingly) I didn't play- I coached basketball. I wrote down the opposing team's shooting strategy.
JJ: Is that why Morgan kicked you out of the pool last week?
Reid:(smiling) Yeah, it took him three rounds to realize I was hustling him.
Reid goes complete apeshit when his phone keeps ringing:
Reid: Loner, invisible, outcast, boiling rage (phone rings)SON OF A BITCH!(answers phone) HI! This is Dr. Spencer Reid! I actually can come to the phone right now, with a special message that your mother is a-
(Morgan rips off headphones and looks at Reid, who is sleeping opposite him)
Morgan: Okay kid, that was cute, but that's all you've got?
(Reid pretends to snore, and smiles. Morgan's phone rings)
Morgan:(answering phone) Hey, baby g-
Morgan's phone: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
(Reid smiles, still pretending to be asleep. Rossi takes out a white towel and waves it about)
Morgan:(to Rossi) Uh-uh. Okay, Reid, it's on. Just know that paybacks are a bitch.
7x05 From Childhood's Hour
Garcia calls the team:
Morgan: Talk to me momma.
Garcia: First off, you are on restriction from my inter-lamborgini...
Morgan: Garcia... (Prentiss raises an eyebrow)
Garcia: I mean it. (Reid smirks) This high performance engine may purr like a puma on the prowl, but this time, Derek, you have seriously overheated my engines (JJ smirks) and I will seriously require some cool down laps (Hotch looks mildly annoyed) upon your return if you know what I mean by that.
Morgan: Babygirl, you're on speaker.
Garcia:(pause) I knew that.
7x07 There's No Place Like Home
Reid goes off one of his typical long winded brainstorms he abruptly interjects this:
Reid: I'm rambling aren't I?
Reid: I should probably get to the point.
(And then goes off on another long winded brainstorm, which of course leads them to a genius revelation about the nature of the killer.)
Garcia gives her thought on her job:
Reid: Trying looking for thefts involving body parts, specifically left legs.
Garcia: Okay, eugh! See, this is why I can't talk about how my day was at dinner... Or breakfast, or lunch-
(Newspaper article flashes up on her computer screen with the headline "Leg stolen from funeral home")
Garcia:(whispering) Spencer, you scare me.
Immediately following the above, the wounded/confused/innocent look Reid gives Rossi when his response to Garcia is "Join the club!"
Reid explains to Garcia the appearance of a 'Hook Echo' tornado:
Reid: They're swirling hook-like radar signatures that look surprisingly like what you'd expect them to.
It's also touching, but when Hotch and JJ are talking about her flying back early.
Hotch: Anything I can do?
JJ: Can I borrow the jet?
Hotch: I think the budget oversight committee might not appreciate my generosity.
Hotch: And has started a romantic relationship with a man named Sergio.note Sergio is the name of her cat.
(later in the conversation)
Prentiss: He is the perfect man. He doesnít hog the covers and he poops in a box.
7x13 Snake Eyes
Reid explains why it would be best to send him undercover to an exclusive, high-stakes poker game.
Reid: I am banned from casinos in Las Vegas, Laughlin and Pahrump because of my card-counting ability.
Then, when Rossi doubts his poker skills, Reid proves he has a fail safe way to win at poker. With a complex mathematical equation.
Reid tries to get Rossi to play in the tournament by saying that it's a new experience, "which is rare at his age". To which he responds: "My what now?"
Reid, trying desperately hard to fit in at the poker game.
Reid: Eight thousand dollars... That's 56 months wages for the average person in Bangladesh. Kinda makes you think, doesn't it?
Rest of the table: *Stares at Reid*
7x15 A Thin Line
Hotch and Rossi are arresting a skeevy racist politician who's incited an unstable young man to commit several home invasion multiple murders, and he won't stop protesting his innocence and trying to put it all on the kid.
Hotch: You have the right to remain silent.
Rossi: Please feel free to exercise that right.
7x16 A Family Affair
At the end of the episode on the plane ride back home, JJ complains about forgetting to book a babysitter for her son so she can go with Prentiss and Garcia to "ladies' night out."
Prentiss: Oh. Still no sitter?
JJ: My sitter is not available. Apparently I have a better chance at winning the lottery than getting a sitter on a Saturday night.
Reid's evolving haircuts throughout the flashbacks.
A bit of hilarious narcissism:
Morgan:(Explaining how the BAU has evolved over time) ... And now we've even got our own genius.
Reid and Garcia:(In unison) Thank you!
7x23 Hit (Part 1)
Reid, Garcia and Kevin's Doctor Who cosplays at the beginning of the episode. Particularly when we discover that Reid knit his fourth Doctor scarf himself.
And not long after that, there's a strong implication that Strauss/Rossi is a thing. For some reason this Troper that moment, especially Garcia and Reid both looking like they can't decide whether it's a coincidence or an actual thing, hilarious.
7x24 Run (Part 2)
While the entire ending of the finale constitutes a major CMOH, a giggling Reid blowing a kiss to Morgan and Prentiss while they try to dance is certainly liable to crack you up.
8x02 The Pact
Blake: Is it possible to kill someone in San Diego, and then drive 2 and a half hours up to LA, and then do it again?
Reid: If you drove a V-8 engine with a single plane crank shaft 80mph in good traffic (Garcia smirks) and took the I-5 to the 405 to the 10 East, got off on Los Ciegos (Hotch remains impassive), right on Washington, north on Vermont, and then snuck up Selma using the back alley... you could do it in an hour forty-two minutes and still have time for tacos.
J.J.:(gives her a "that's why you don't ask questions like that" look)
8x03 Through the Looking Glass
Following Reid giving an extensive explanation of common Asperger's behaviour, he concludes that Albert Einstein was thought to have had it:
Alex: Well, what about you?
Reid:(oblivious) What's that?
Alex: By the way, no offense earlier, when I suggested you had Asperger's.
Reid: None taken. (beat) When did you do that?
Reid's incredible geekiness on display:
Reid: When I was a kid I made a model of the universe out of salt.
Alex: Was it for a school project?
Reid: No, it was a birthday present for Carl Sagan, but I donīt think he ever got it.
Reid: Garcia may be right.
Garcia: It happens.
After Reid manages to work out what time the UnSub is setting the watches to:
Morgan: So what does that mean?
Reid: I have no idea.
Reid: I just know what it says. I don't know what it means.
8x16 Carbon Copy
Rossi: We're only here to help.
Cop Of The Week: Bunch of pencil pushers and accountants, how are you gonna help?
Hotch: I'm sorry?
Rossi: Hey, what's with you, you need a hug or something?
9x02 The Inspiration (part 2)
Rossi: The FBI is trending on twitter. Whatever that means.
It's certainly gross, but also funny:
Bill Robbins:(gestures off screen) Do you like my artwork?
Reid: Yeah I do. (beat) Is that your feces?
9x04 To Bear Witness
Rossi walks in to find Reid timing Blake's daily crossword:
Rossi: Happy Wednesday, my nerds.
9x06 In the Blood
Spread out over most of the episode, the local officer growing gradually more bewildered by and then finally accepting Reid's Reid-ness.
Officer: I've learned not to question this guy.
Garcia asking Reid if she has enough hot sauce.
Reid:(Completely nonchalantly) You have some habanero sauce next to the jar of eyeballs, but I think you'll need to pick up some more.
Reid's "dark side", manifested as a Dirty Harry impression.
There's a moment towards the end where Garcia appears in Blake's family home. Alex looks from Garcia to her father, with an expression of complete shock and incomprehension on her face, to which Garcia looks startled and changes the subject. The entire exchange is completely silent, but Jean Tripplehorn and Kirsten Vangsness sell it with their facial expressions.